- Tuesday Oct 07, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Another day, another crisis. So, what else is new? HR won't let Eddy go back to work. Despite his doctor and the company doctor approving him to go back, HR says not until he is 100%. Duh! He will never be 100%. Even if he gets a new kidney, he will be on meds for the rest of his life and there is always the rejection factor. But, what did I expect? His short term disability has run its course, we were denied SSI because apparently I make too much money. Now we will have to wait and see if he gets approved for long term disability and that may take several weeks. In the meantime, no money coming in. This is one of those times, if my life is a bowl full of cherries, I have been chomping on the pits.
And....bad, bad, girl....I cheated last night. I ate an egg roll. Let me tell you folks, it is not worth it. I tested my ketosis factor this morning. I went from large dark purple to pale pink in one egg roll. No more. I am back on the wagon. I also didn't make it WA. Eddy called me at 1:00 and he was so upset about them sending him home that I just took off the rest of the day and went home. We will get through this. We are survivors. I just wish that the bill collectors would stop making us feel like we are the low life scum of earth just don't want to pay our bills. Actually had one guy call Eddy a low life on the phone. Doesn't everyone have problems from time to time. Of course, this is a new feeling for us. We have always tried to pay all of our bills on time and up until last November we had excellent credit. Thank goodness we bought the house and my car before Ben starting screwing up so bad. Cripes! I need to get off this bummer trip I'm on. That's just life, stuff happens. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. This is just one of those bad times.
As far as the Lifestyle goes, I am back on track today. I had a ham and cheese omelet for breakfast. Lunch will be probably a piece of chicken and a small salad. Dinner is whatever, as long as it is low carb. Try to get back that deep purple on the keto sticks.
Good news. Eddy's mom and dad leave in the morning. I can have my house back. I can clean it up and keep it clean. Yeah!!!!
Have a good day! Be blessed.
- Monday Oct 06, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Wow! Thanks for all the comments, the advice and the empathy. As far as MIL goes, there is nothing that I have not tried. She just is very self centered and does exactly as she pleases without thought to others needs or desires. They are perfectly aware of our current situation, both financial and otherwise. They do not eat the same foods as we do. Much of our diet is dictated by Eddy's kidney disease. But, whenever they come, I have to go grocery shopping for them. Which I ended up doing this weekend. She also broke her arm about 4 months ago and needed me to do everything for her. They are staying until Wednesday. If you want to know more, then go back and read some of my earlier entries, I had a much bigger problem coping with her. I just had to make my peace with the fact that she is what she is and after almost 26 years of being married to her son, I am not going to change her or her feelings toward me. Now I just try to deal with it as best I can. But, it does help to come here and vent. At least you all are non-judgemental. All in all, this too shall pass.
On a more positive note. I have had two weeks of successful low carbing. I did cheat slightly last night, but, hey, it could have been worse. I had a slice of cantalope, but I made a peach cobbler for dessert, so I'm thinking that the cantalope was the lesser offense. I even took MIL to the movies on Sunday...and by-passed the popcorn and did not even look longingly at her Nachos. Of course, exercise amounted to NADA, ZIP, ZILCH! Unless you count grocery shopping, a 7 hour excursion to the Public library, Cooking 3 meals a day and cleaning up after. For those of you that don't know, I am a naturalized citizen of the USA. Until I was 9 I lived exclusively in Germany with my mom and her family. My mom is a typical German Hausfrau. She loves to be a housewife. She loves cleaning and cooking and sewing and gardening. I did not inherit the love of cleaning gene. I did, however, inherit the need for clean gene. My house is always clean. Whenever MIL comes to visit, it looks like an explosion took place in the house. Add to that the fact that she brings her two dogs, one of which is old and poops everywhere, and I just feel yucky in my own home when she is here. I feel like I have lost control of my environment. It's not as bad as going to her house though, you can't even imagine the clutter and mess and collectibles that catch the dust. I can never relax there. But, Wednesday will be here before you know it and at least I can go to work and stay for WA today....that should put me home at around 7 p.m. tonight. That's one more day down.
So let's move on. Today is Eddy's first day back at work. Unfortunately I won't get to see him until 8 tonight because he goes straight to dialysis after work. I hope he is doing ok. I still don't know if this is a good idea, but we shall see.
As for me, I have stuck to my guns with this eating plan. Today so far I have had coffee, a hard boiled egg and beef jerky. For lunch I brought about 6 chicken wings and 1 thin slice pork chop, salad and sugar free jello for dessert. I passed up the donuts in the break room. Yeah Me!!!! Dinner tonight will be parchment baked Talapia and squash with onions and peppers, butter and garlic. Yumm!!! I have been doing the under 20 carb thingy for two weeks. This week I allowing myself 25 carbs per day. I even found some low carb whole wheat tortillas...I can make breakfast tacos!!! Yeah. They come out to be 2 carbs per tortilla after you subtract the fiber content....9 whole grams.
Anyway, lunch time walk is out. It is raining. I may run over to the library and just check out what they got. I also need to buy some paint so that I can repaint my dining room chairs. I will take that money out of my lunch money for this week. We are also going to paint the floor in the dining room and hallways because we pulled up the carpet thinking we were going to tile it, but then financial emergency struck again. So, I thought I would paint the floor a lovely taupe color and do a stenciled border until we can afford to tile it. Then I am going to make some new seat cushions and a new tablecloth with the material my mom sent me. Blue Gingham check. Then I still need to get the courage to cut down the white lace curtains my grandmom sent me for the den. They will be the inner curtains topped with Navy drapes, but they were so expensive I am almost afraid to cut them. I may just have to wait until my mom comes for a visit to do that, because I would rather have Grandmom mad at her than me...;-) So, I really do have lots to accomplish in the next few weeks. I am going to have a houseful for Thanksgiving. The inlaws, some friends, some of the boys friends. But, that should be a good time. We are doing kindof a pot luck thing. I am frying a turkey, MIL is baking one and Roxan is bringing a ham. I just want the house to look nice for that since it is the first time since we bought it that I am having a large group over.
Sheesh! I am rambling on today. Better get on with it and let you all get back to your days.
Again, Thanks to all that aided and comforted me this past week. You all ROCK!!!
- Friday Oct 03, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can keep this facade up. My life basically sucks. Every time I think we are going to crawl out of the hole, something comes up and smacks me right in the face. Our oldest son, Ben, came home for a few days to take his Jeep to the dealership because of a water leak. It is going to cost $1800 to fix it and it won't be ready until Tuesday. Problem is he has to be back in Palestine to work on Saturday. So, how do we fix this problem? We put the $1800 on a credit card (because he certainly doesn't have the money), we loan him Eddy's car to get back to East Texas, and we have to rent a car so that Eddy can start back to work on Monday morning. Then, to top it all off, Eddy's parents are coming down today. I don't have anything at all in the house that they will eat, I can't afford to go grocery shopping....hell, I can't even afford to pay my light bill this month. Keep in mind that we paid Ben's bills for 8 months after he lost his job....now we are getting called by bill collecters every day because the kid just doesn't get it. But, Eddy WILL take care of his boys....because that's what parents do. We keep bailing them out of situations. What I want to know is who the hell is going to bail us out? I don't think I can take it anymore. I feel weepy and just generally like I want to give up. What's the point. I keep trudging along and I am not getting anywhere but behind.
Man, that was depressing. Sorry folks, but I just don't have it in me today to be uplifting and happy. I have to gather all my emotional resources to deal with MIL this weekend. She is very draining to say the least. And, of course, Eddy will just nap away the weekend on the couch and we will all let him because he is sick afterall and he needs his rest, right? That was crappy of me, it just gets to me that I have all the responsibility for dealing with his family and all the associated guilt.
Don't mind me. I'll get over this. I hope!
- Wednesday Oct 01, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Blah day today. I feel like doodoo! If I didn't have so much darn work to do I would have called in. Am having the mega cramps and feeling slightly nauseous. Couldn't even finish my scrambled eggs this morning. Just wanted to barf! I definitely won't be able to do water aerobics today. May go walking at lunch. But, still sticking to the eating lo carb way. Last night I ended up just eating a piece of roast beef. Just wasn't hungry. Way tired though. Plus I was kinda ****y and Eddy just set me off the minute I walked in the house. So I removed myself from the situation and just went to my room. Man, will I be glad when these hormonal fluctuations stop swinging wildly from one extreme to another. Maybe I will just take it easy today on the exercise and get back at it tomorrow. I just took 3 midol and am drinking some nice soothing raspberry tea.
To answer some questions from the comment gallery: No, I am not an attorney. I am a paralegal working for the Air Force. I administer the Labor program. Basically deal with lots of disgruntled civilian employees. Our office represents the Air Force, so I am not the most popular person around, but, hey, if you could see some of these complaints. They border on the frivilous. I really understand that there is a feeling of glass ceilingdom in the agency, but I don't think filing discrimination complaints because you got an 8 instead of a 9 on your annual evaluation is really going to help you get ahead. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Sorry to go on about that but so few of the complaints that come across my desk are really meaningful and have merit. The system is set up so that it takes an act of God to get a dead weight employee out of the system. They can tie the agency up for years, wasting tax payer money on the appeal process....
Eddy is doing ok. He is still waiting for a kidney. He starts back to work on Monday. We shall see. He is still tired all the time and 3 of his meds cause dizziness and/or drowsiness, but the doctor signed his go back to work papers, so he must be able to!
Other than that, my life is pretty darn boring. We work,go home, do our second jobs, go to bed, get up and start over. Aren't we just the lucky ones?
Anyway...this is my TOM making me talk like this....I am normally a sweet and basically contented person....just not when I'm in pain.
Hope you all have successful and fulfilling days.
- Tuesday Sep 30, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Goodness gracious! I have been trying to get on here folks! Truly I have! It was impossible to find even a moment yesterday. This is the first opportunity I have found today. So, I'll make this quick!
I stuck to my plan all weekend, including the potluck on Friday after WA. So far I have been good this week. I have not cheated once. Yeah me!!! It is getting easier. I have been drinking lots of water because I am thirsty all the time. I walked at lunch yesterday and went to water aerobics last night. I also was visited by TOM yesterday morning...so will have to play Wednesday by ear. I may or may not walk today. It depends on if I get all the phone calls I am expecting before lunch. I have to ensure that all the witnesses show up for the hearing on Tuesday next. So, work comes first today. I had bacon and eggs for breakfast...lunch is tuna salad on a bed of lettuce. Dinner will be grilled chix and a salad.
Hope you are all having just wonderful days. The view outside my window is absolutely gorgeous. Bright blue sky and puffy white clouds just lazily floating by. It was 61 degrees this morning when I drove in to work...that's practically winter here!!!
Take care and stay strong and comitted to your goals.
- Friday Sep 26, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Wow! I am amazed at myself. Yesterday was another really good day. I even did great last night which is a minor miracle I tell you! Really, it is! Beau cooked dinner for Gabrielle his "best friend" and he made schnitzel and red cabbage, mashed potatoes and hunter gravy with mushrooms, onions and bell peppers, a lovely salad with romaine and a homemade vinaigrette and bolillo rolls, and topped it all off with a German Chocolate cake. I, however, had two very thin grilled pork chops and salad!!! Drank water and had some sugar free jello for dessert. As I said, AMAZING!!!
I also managed to do a half hour work-out on the weights. Go me!
This morning so far I have had two eggs over easy, bacon and coffee. For lunch I brought tuna, salad, cheese and more water. I am drinking a cup of herbal tea as I am typing this. Tonight I have water aerobics and then we are having a pot luck. I made oriental green beans to take and I am sure that there will be some low carb stuff there. Let's just pray that it stops raining. Monday we will be moving back to the indoor pool so it won't be such an issue but I just really want to walk at lunch today and then work out in the water tonight and it looks totally yuck outside.
So that's the plan folks. I hope that I will make it through the weekend. That is always my most difficult hurdle. There I am at the house and I get bored and so I look for ways to appease the boredom, and hey, the refridgerator is more riveting than the tv sometimes. But, I will make an extreme effort to stick with it....5 whole days of low carbing. That is a total achievement for me a carb addict!
Hope you all have spectacularly successful days and great weekends. Just keep telling yourself "I AM SO WORTH IT!"
- Thursday Sep 25, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Hi gang! Sorry so late today. These people at this office will certainly miss me when I'm gone...not that I am leaving, but I have actively been seeking other employment. I am so tired of being the only responsible person. Everyone else seems to spend their days looking for ways to get out of work. I can't get my work done for anwering the phones some days and we have 6 people working the front counter that are supposed to answer the phones. We also have a rule that if it rings more than 3 times....just pick it up. It rings more than 3 times constantly....but, hey, Charlotte, the go to girl is here so fogettaaboudit..... Sorry for the rant, but sheesh, what happened to the work ethic in this country. Sadly, most of the people that I am talking about are active duty military. It seems to me that political correctness has taken alot of the discipline out of the military.
Enough about that....I am here to brag on myself again. Yesterday was another gold star day. I walked at lunch. I went swimming....very brisk and invigorating...for dinner I had grilled chix and green beans and I drank lotsa water....bottles of it.
Today I have had two fried eggs and some sausage for breakfast. I had a couple of beef jerky sticks (1 carb each) since I got here and then for lunch at the club I just had two pieces of baked chicken and a salad with lettuce, cucumbers, broccoli, cheese and bacon bits and a sprinkle of sunflower seeds with ranch dressing. Drank 4 glasses of water and had a cup of coffee with cream and equal. I am back at my desk now and just have been working non stop and witnessing wills because the folks at the front are nowhere to be found. Sigh....
So I have been struggling to maintain the smile thing today...to top it all off, I was 9/10 of the way through mandatory computer time keeper training when one of the attorney's came and asked me to do an envelope (he is not even in my section) and I told him to give me a few minutes to complete this and he decided he needed it done right away...so he reached over my shoulder and hit a button on my keyboard and the whole damn screen went black and the computer froze and when I finally got back to the test, it was gone.....some people....have no manners!!!
But, this too shall pass! Don't mind me today. I will be back to my cheerful, no problem, self tomorrow!!!
- Wednesday Sep 24, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Well yesterday was another good day. I stuck to my low carb menu all day. I had a snack yesterday afternoon of pork skins and lo carb salad dressing...yumm. Last night I had steak and a salad and green beans. I walked for 30 minutes at lunch time. I would have gone longer but I was attacked by gnats and after walking with my arms waving like windmills for 30 minutes, I was pretty much done.
Today so far I have had a ham, egg and cheese scramble, and a cup of java with cream and sweet and lo. Since being here, I have had a 24 ounce bottle of water and a stick of beef jerky. For lunch I brought salad and some leftover steak. Dinner tonight will be grilled chix and a pepper salad. I have not felt hungry since starting this program. I do FEEL thinner although it is not reflected on the scale as yet. But, I am determined to stick to this for at least 2 weeks...no cheating. I CAN DO THIS!! Lunch will be another walk. Then face the frigid arctic waters of the Chapperel pool.
I think I may be going through menopause (sorry guys) I have been having hot flashes like no one's business. Then I freeze. Then I get hot again and sweat like crazy and then ten minutes later.....its chilly willy time again. This sucks. Damn Eve for eating that apple...oh, well, this too shall pass.
Thanks for all the positive comments. I am trying to put on a happy face everyday. It really annoys me when people bring their problems to work and are unable or unwilling to do their jobs because of "stuff" going on at home. Now I am not saying that you have to be Suzie Sunshine every moment of every day but, hey, it really does help to at least "try" to be cheerful.
Have a great day.
- Tuesday Sep 23, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
Good Day ya'll!
Yesterday was definitely a gold star day. I walked for 40 minutes at lunch time. Up and down hills no less. Then I stuck completely to the low carb eating routine and managed to stay within points. Last night for dinner I had some lovely fish which I baked in a parchment bag with a dollop of real butter and some sliced bell peppers and herbs. Then I made some creamed spinach with some fresh spinach that was looking kinda wilty. That was supper and very good too! I also went to water aerobics. Thank goodness we are moving back to the indoor pool next monday. The water was frigid!! But I prevailed.
So far today breakfast...thank you darling Eddy was two eggs over easy and two strips of crisp bacon. Lunch today will be a salad with cheese and low carb dressing and a piece of roasted chicken. Dinner tonight will be steaks and green beans oriental and a small salad. Again, I will walk at lunch time today. The weather is gorgeous. It will only be in the mid 80s. That's almost cold in southwest Texas.
Gotta get to work! Hope you all have successful days. Smile at everyone. It makes them wonder what you're up to!
- Monday Sep 22, 2003
(Weight Watchers Points)
I am going to mix it up a bit. I am going to try low carb but stay within my weight watchers points. Let's see if that doesn't break the cycle of this dang plateau I find myself stuck on.
I am also going to increase my exercise. In addition to the water aerobics, I am going to incorporate some yoga and some more intense cardio.
So far this a.m. I have had two eggs over easy and two slices of crisp bacon. I brought a salad with me for lunch and 3 chicken tenders grilled on the GF. I also had a cup of coffee with real cream and half a pack of sweet and low. Dinner tonight will be fish baked in parchment packets with some bell peppers and onions and fresh herbs and a salad with a low carb salad dressing.
I am going to do this for two weeks and re-evaluate at the end of the two weeks. I should be able to do this even though we are going out for lunch later this week for Barry's going away. We are going to a buffet and I will just have meat and salad. Right this moment I am drinking a cup of raspberry zinger tea. Yumm.
I am determined to lose at least 20 pounds by the end of the year. I have vacillated around this number long enough. I want to be under 200 to start the next year. Then it will be the push to 175. Then to 150...and that may be where I stop...we will have to see when I get there.
Hope you all had a great weekend. Make today really count.