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Donkey - Saturday Aug 18, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Good weigh-in... on both scales, lol...

One thing I forgot to mention about the VA hospital visit was to say how friendly and pleasant everyone was. Random folks saying good morning to each other, thanking clients for their service, just nice. :)

Work was busy but manageable, although I DID end up staying an hour over. A lot of last minute stuff came up at 4p. My husband said he's used to late dinners on Friday. (wah wah)

I know I told Maria that I would try to relax this weekend. This is hard for me to do! After legal clinic this morning, my time will be my own!

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/18/2018:
Weekends are the best.


Maria7 on 08/18/2018:
I hope you are having a nice weekend. Good weigh-in, too. Smile! Also always good when people make you feel appreciated with cheerful greetings, etc. Hope you do get to relax some this weekend and rest some. :-)


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Donkey - Friday Aug 17, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

I survived the drive! It's a particularly aggressive commute to this VA hospital. Well, any drive towards Chicago involves more traffic, complicated mergers, crazy drivers, etc. I'm more of an open highway person. Very nervous driver...

My husband saw the wrong doctor because they had entered his auto-immune disease obviously into the computer system as a degenerative disc disease. So he saw an ortho doctor rather than a rheumatologist. He may or may not need another appointment because of this mistake.

I got home, dropped off husband, picked up daughter to take her to HER doctor's appointment. (She didn't want to go alone.)

After all these doctors, I was exhausted, so I opted to stay home and not check in at work. I'm still tired this morning, and I know today will be busy. My coworker covering my desk said she left 29 emails unread. So I'll have about 50 emails this morning, plus a very long list of time sensitive tasks to do today.

No rest on Saturday, since there's legal clinic.

And just battling my body with the inconveniences of TOM. Why must my cycle always kick in, irregularly, at the most stressful times in my life?

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 08/17/2018:
Stress can cause irregularity, as you may probably already know!

glad all the appts are finally over..nice of you to go with your daughter, i always had prefered personally to go alone...but she's still a teen, so it can make sense she'd want you there still!

remember to breathe today and realize that work will still be waiting for you Monday - anything you don't finish today!

Donkey on 08/18/2018:
I have to grab these Mom moments while I still can. She ditched me afterwards to meet up with friends at Panera, lol...


BearCountryGG on 08/17/2018:
Yes...work will always be waiting for you......pick out the most time sensitive ones...deal with them and then handle the others as you can. Having any hot flashes yet????????

Donkey on 08/18/2018:
Not yet but changes are happening. I shouldn't complain, it could be worse!


BearCountryGG on 08/17/2018:
I know you are hoping for a veterans disability...have you looked into social security disability too? ( for Mr Donkey)

Donkey on 08/18/2018:
Yes, he's started the SSD process. It's a long process. I'm fortunate to have 2 acquaintances who have gone through that process for their family members, so I'm mentally prepared as to what to expect. Again, keeping expectations low.


Maria7 on 08/17/2018:
Hope you get some rest this weekend. :-)

Donkey on 08/18/2018:
AMEN! In fact, I'm thinking of scheduling deliberate down time, i.e. nap, reading, maybe knitting!


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Donkey - Thursday Aug 16, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

So I put a sign on the freezer door at work addressed to whomever threw out my food to please replace the veggie burgers and stick of butter. That won't happen, but it made me feel better. We think it was the boss' son-in-law who threw out my food, thinking it belonged to the office manager for the business downstairs, because he's really mad at her right now, and this is his revenge. She and I eat similar foods and share(d) the same space in the freezer... I don't like the son-in-law either because he accused me of stealing gift cards a year ago and never apologized for that. I'd call him a weasel but that would be insulting to weasels.

Taking husband to the VA hospital for another evaluation today. He says they are very mean there. Sad. Very nervous about the difficult drive to the facility.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

legcramps on 08/16/2018:
I love putting up signs like that at work ;) I put one up after our coffee maker area started to look like a rat's nest. Something about cleaning up your own mess because we don't employ cleaning fairies. I thought it was funny; a few other people thought it was funny; obviously, the ones who were making the mess did not think it was funny LOL.

Is it a difficult drive because of the distance/logistics? I hope it goes well and they are not mean today!


Maria7 on 08/16/2018:
I laughed about the insulting to weasels, ha. Hope the VA appt goes well. :-)


horn_of_plenty on 08/16/2018:
You know, the son in law probably stole the cards!

the facility is far? is that why the drive is difficult?


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Donkey - Wednesday Aug 15, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

THEY THREW OUT MY FOOD AT WORK.

I keep an emergency veggie burger in the freezer, I had a baggie of frozen watermelon, and a half a stick of butter. All gone.

Turns out my Sunday anxiety was probably hormone related, after all...

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/15/2018:
Well...that stinks.....maybe put your name on your food?


horn_of_plenty on 08/15/2018:
yeah, that's annoying getting good food thrown out. my coworkers recently also cleaned our fridge but left my food alone...cheers to that! - they cleaned out EVERYTHING except my food <3

i guess you'll have to re-stock :)

keep on J-donk and be happy...notice the nature and trees and animals out and about as it's still summer :) i was thinking about it this morning :) to enjoy my surroundings while it lasts!


legcramps on 08/15/2018:
Are you serious??! I can't believe they threw out your food; if we clean out the fridge at my office, we always send out a message to make sure people come and grab their stuff so we don't throw it out. Normally, we only throw out anything that's starting to mold or dairy products that have expired.


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Donkey - Tuesday Aug 14, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Work was again insanely busy... Queen Bee decided to take an extra day off - no surprise there. Male co-worker returns tomorrow. Having everyone actually working should help. Imagine that.

I'm sorry my comments on entries was pretty anemic. I'm keeping up and cheering you all on... but don't have much left in my brain to contribute significantly.

Forgot to weigh train last night. Thought about it several times, but never did it. So I'm doing it this morning.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 08/14/2018:
What is the "modeling" your husband does?

You sound much more optimistic :) keep on!!!!!

Your comments are just fine, don't apologize for being you :) i know what you mean about having nothing left in your brain to spare on DD ;)

lol...summer vacations in the workplace...yup!


happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
hugs. even when they are short, they are there and keep me logging. and your approval and encouragement keep me on track.


happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
good job on the weight training.


happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
especially because you forgot/procrastinated about it and got on the horse this morning and embraced the suck.


happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
especially because you forgot/procrastinated about it and got on the horse this morning and embraced the suck.


legcramps on 08/14/2018:
Hope you're having a better week!


BearCountryGG on 08/14/2018:
Funny how having them all there is a pain....and having them all gone is a pain...lol


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Donkey - Monday Aug 13, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Be true to thine self... I ended up having a little cry session. I explained to my husband that I was feeling anxious, so that helped him know how to react to me better. I also explained that I'm trying to downsize and keep things to a minimum. I pointed out that we have a desk that is not being used that he could use - he should at least try it before we buy anything. He agreed that he should use what we have. Awww what a guy!

In return, later on, I agreed to go out to dinner for a sandwich, although I ordered a salad. I may have had too much spinach dip while waiting, but oh well. And I would have been perfectly happy having leftovers at home, but I sensed that he needed some "relief" as well. I only ate half of my salad so now I have a nice lunch for today.

I was then able to have a lovely time at the library - checked out the Four Agreements - and picked up vitamin D for the husband on my way home.

Also managed to make my fitbit happy by scoring at least 250 steps each hour for 12 hours.

So all in all a pretty good weekend. Gonna focus on taking this week in stride. If I have to step away and relax, I'm going to do it. 5 minutes of relaxing might make those remaining 55 minutes more productive!

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/13/2018:
It sounds like you accomplished a lot this weekend...GOOD GOING GIRL!!! I agree...I repurpose things around here all the time....and love doing that. He is probably getting tired of being at home...maybe he needs a good hobby that he loves to keep him more contented...( there may be a cost involved but it would probably be worth it). Great restaurant choices...even the dip...veggies and calcium!! I think you will enjoy the 4 agreements...it 's a quick read and makes a whole lot of sense. Keep stepping!!

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
He's doing modeling but tends to spend $ rather than actually DO the modeling. In all the years we've been married, I've never seen him finish a model.


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
I think it has to do with your hubby home and you working. He will need to understand that you have more responsibilities now and that it's difficult to manage yourself, working, him, and appointments. Take it easy & take a breather. I am sure your anxiety is stemming from work and going with him to appointments and coming back to more work. Take it easy. Enjoy some of the day off after appointments when you go with him...take it easy and don't stress as much (try not to) about things that you can't control. Your hubby and yourself have to understand that you are the breadwinner now and money shouldn't be spent on unnecessary things. that is what's on your mind as i read from these latest entries. 100% makes sense. he will need to lsiten to you, as he is relying on you. :) talk to him again, if you have to, making yourself clear. lovingly !

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
I'm noticing that he's... lost? Lonely? ... without work. It was worse when my son was gone, because husband spent more time alone. He's got internet friends and modeling, but I sense that sometimes he misses being out and about.

That's one big reason why I was ok with eating out Sunday. Cheaper than therapy, right?


legcramps on 08/13/2018:
Well, I felt a great sense of calm reading your entry today. Glad to hear that you two had a talk and worked some things out. I've read The Four Agreements as well, it really does make you stop and think about your circumstances and how you can better respond to them.

I feel like you have the week ahead locked in, girl. You've so got this.

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
Yes, I FEEL like I got this week. I can do this, I can get us through this.

All of this in spite of work, worry, stress... I got this.


Maria7 on 08/13/2018:
A little cry session helps us all from time to time. You are VERY wise to curtail expenses and spending that you spoke of. In this day and time, a lot of people barely keep food on their tables and are totally unprepared for having any back-up plans if they were to find themselves in need of food or money. It is frustrating when others we live with do not see the need to be frugal and especialy when you are trying to go by a budget. Sounds like your Hubby is a good, understanding Guy who loves you a lot and is on board, tho. We all get a little spendthrifty sometimes, so I am not a total prude and not advising anyone else to be one but even the Bible teaches us to stay out of debt and be wise as ants who store up in the harvest to have food in the winter. I hope I have not gone overboard in what I have said. Just want you to know that I understand and I admire your wisdom.

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
Not overstepping at all! In fact, I'm glad you made the comments you did, because you will then understand how uncomfortable I've been feeling this whole year being financially uncertain, as husband has been making the transition from main breadwinner to disabled veteran.

I follow(ed) Dave Ramsey who often speaks about the biblical aspect of personal finance. His plan helped me get us out of debt and prepared for this uncertainty. But I've been stuck since last November, unable to move forward.

Working on getting unstuck. And then I'll be able to help my family move forward.


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Donkey - Sunday Aug 12, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

As wonderful as yesterday was, today, I am feeling overwhelmingly anxious, and I'm not sure why -- almost to the point of tears.  Normally, I would equate this to hormones, but it's the wrong time of the month for feeling like this, if it's just hormones.  I sure as heck hope it's not because of Thursday's doctor's appointment because that is a LONG ways off to be feeling like THIS every day until then.  Yikes...

I know that my anxiety is stemming from an uncertain future, finances hinging on that uncertain future, and trying to downsize while husband keeps wanting to buy more "stuff".  He and I are definitely on separate pages when it comes to material possessions.  *sigh* 

Fortunately for me, I left one of my favorite activities for today:  going to the library.  I did not get to that yesterday; I also should stop off at the drugstore to pick up some vitamin D for my husband...  Again, spending money when I shouldn't, even though he needs the vitamin D.  Everything else on my "to do" list, I did.

Normally, I would eat away my anxiety.  Unfortunately, the weather here today is too hot and too humid and too buggy to walk away the anxiety.  I can take a short walk while I'm at the library - there's a park there that has a nice path.  The library is next to a subdivision that has a nicer walking path that I could do as well.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/12/2018:
Just breathe....things always seem to work their way out.....and if it isn't something that you can do anything about today....no need to waste today worrying about it.......I know that when I am anxious....I take Tylenol...and for some reason it works to calm me down...I've never heard it used for that....but somehow...it calms me down.

Donkey on 08/13/2018:
Thank you for the recommendation to try Tylenol. I think that could work. I don't have any issues with Tylenol, and it could help relax me, too.


happy-1 on 08/12/2018:
Did you know that the desire to buy stuff when stressed is actually tied to our lizard brain stockpiling resources against famine?

Maybe divert him to crafts/projects to get ready for the zombie apocalypse/natural disasters? It's the male version of Martha Stewart. At least these things have some resale value and can be purchased second hand. Or good to comb garage sales/goodwill for. Sell on ebay as a kit.

https://www.backdoorsurvival.com/33-awesome-projects-for-preppers/

Donkey on 08/13/2018:
Yes... well sort of, I mean, I didn't realize this went back to an instinctual, lizard level. I thought it was just something my husband did when he got stressed out. I think we found a solution that won't cost us anything. And don't add to the accumulation of more stuff!


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
If your husband isn't working, i'd say how much "stuff" you buy together should mostly be up to you. That's my view as he probably has extra time on his hands to shop now, not working right? he's out of work for now correct?

you are the working one, he will have to listen to you more now...this is my opinion and i stand by it 100%!


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
try not to stress as much about things you cannot control and outcomes you cannot control with the appointments. ...


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Donkey - Saturday Aug 11, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

 I FEEL GOOD TODAY!!!

I'm so happy not to be at work today!  Oh my word, I was SO busy again yesterday.  I started getting a little short, so I caught myself.  My boss tried his best to bring my anxiety levels down, but taking time out to relax just puts me further behind.  Still, I really appreciated his efforts, and I think they worked.  It was like 4:30p and I had 19 emails!  If I leave those over the weekend, I'd come in to almost 40 on Monday.  And Monday is going to be busy enough as it is!

So I busted my butt and stayed until a little after 6pm and got it done!  I left with 3 emails, two of which are photos & repairs for the same transaction for a deal that's probably going to fall apart anyway, so definitely not time sensitive.  Whew!

I'm so glad that the "all you can eat" fish fry was scratched off the list; husband decided to grill out instead, which was much more menu friendly for me, and much less stressful time-wise.  As it was, I came home to hungry, crabby people.  And I was a tired, crabby person.  But once we all relaxed and started eating, it was much better.

Honestly, though, I had nothing left in myself to give to my family.  Fortunately for me, husband was a good sport about it.  I am letting him know how much happier I am today, now that I can be home with my family and not burdened by the woes of work.

And there will be other Fridays that aren't so busy or stressful when we can enjoy Fish Fry, all-you-can-eat or otherwise :-D

I have lots of little chores to do this weekend that make me happy to either do or have completed:  drugstore, library, spray the cranberry tree for aphids, laundry, light weeding...  I'm hoping to get in a walk outside, too!

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/11/2018:
Sounds like you have the makings of a great weekend planned......I'm so happy to hear that you didn't have to deal with the all you can eat fish fry ( around here....Friday fish frys were about being catholic) ( no meat Fridays)...but they have caught on so well among everyone...but definitely not a healthy fish alternative. But they are alive and well around here too......and even though I was born into a catholic family....we have never practiced no meat Fridays...but we probably should...Just not fried...LOL


BearCountryGG on 08/11/2018:
Did I say BUT enough times in that last post? LOL


BearCountryGG on 08/11/2018:
Probably should have said BUTT! Eating enough fish fry will get us all BIG BUTTS!!!


Maria7 on 08/12/2018:
Wishing you a very happy weekend! :-)


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
I'm glad you got everything done - remember with work that is sometimes is OK to leave some things unattended till the next day or after the weekend! :)

I used to feel the need to have EVERYTHING done by the end of the day...but...try to remember you could leave the emails unopened...

Your husband is good to listen to your needs...if you are the one working, he will need to continue to be very understanding of your needs as the breadwinner.


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Donkey - Friday Aug 10, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Wow, yesterday was insanely busy at work, and even after I left work, I remembered 2 things I forgot to do.

Phones would not stop ringing. I had to ask my boss to handle some, because I just couldn't catch up. As it was, I left 12 unanswered emails... which means that today will be busy too. *sigh*

Even though I stayed an hour late, this throwing off my whole evening routine, I did what I had to do.

Queen Bee is out of the office today, in a trip to Vegas with her girlfriends, so the office will be nice and quiet, even if it is busy.

Husband wants to go to all-you-eat fish fry tonight. HELLO????

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

legcramps on 08/10/2018:
Thank goodness for quiet work days, huh?! I know I soak them up whenever they come my way, so grateful to have certain people out of the office from time to time! Hopefully it's a long visit to Vegas?!

Donkey on 08/11/2018:
Not long enough! LOL! She'll be back maybe on Monday, definitely on Tuesday.


horn_of_plenty on 08/10/2018:
is there salad at the fish fry? can you do fried fish over salad??? with extra veggies? or no veggies? are there pickles??

can you have seltzer / tea after while still there? ????

just ideas...

good luck :)

what's the name of the fish fry restaurant? we don't have those..

Donkey on 08/11/2018:
We ended up grilling out at home, because I didn't want to take the chance of getting to the restaurant and finding out they were out of fish. Or that it was too late for the "all you can eat" (for husband, not for me). I will comment more on this in my own diary.

Fishfry Fridays must be a midwestern thing? Most of the restaurants here have them. The particular restaurant we wanted to try was Bulldog Ale House. They have a website if you want to check it out!


Horn_of_plenty on 08/10/2018:
but basically the scenario is that i think my new dr (only saw him twice now) is a pill pusher big time...to keep patients and possibly pushing certain pills maybe bc he gets commission or something. i'm just glad his office is VERY convenient as i do NOT have to do ANY extra walking / driving or anything to get there. as soon as i get off the train, to transfer to come home on the bus, his office is right at the train location on i get off and then i simply take the bus home...i don't want MORE medicine. just to slowly taper off this, if possible, and to have him available to go back on, if necessary. i believe he's a pill pusher.

ok, i take an anxiety drug. called lexapro. a prescription that's prob medium strength not too low or too high.

he was pushing me to try an ADHD drug. I have never been diagnosed and i might have it a hair but i'm not generally a very figidity person. he was going to give me adderal or however you spell it. i thought about it - and at the same session he was going to let me try it, i said to cancel the order. then i went to the pharmacy to pick up my regular lexapro for anxiety and i was asked to show my license and noticed two medications and i asked why and i was told that the adderal (i didn't even know it was adderal until i went to pick it up, i wasn't sure what i was being prescribed bc he was using the generic name for adderal in the session)...so i was told i must show my ID License bc only the person being prescribed usually picks it up / they keep track of who's picking it up bc it's HIGHLY addictive and a very regulated drug - probably not good for me to be on it...i considered not getting it - and decided in the end to GIVE IT RIGHT BACK and not pay for the extra medication - adderol. I realize dr told me in the session he was cancelling, then it shows up still...well, makes me not trust him fully. but i'll still go to him as i've been taking the same stuff for awhile, don't want anything new, and know to taper slowly if i ever want to. i don't need someone great for my purposes now - luckily i had a great dr to start, 2 years ago.

you see, bc the dr is so convenient and the fact it's easy to get to after work with only leaving a half hour early, and he's finally letting me come every 3 months instead of 2...because of this, it's a no-brainer to keep this dr. as i need him for refills basically and to taper perhaps. i needed a dr easy to go to and not to miss a lot of work hours. the other one would not be possible with my location now for work in the city....it would make me want to take days off on appointment days, and that's not how i want to spend my days off :) so that's why i'm sticking with a crappy dr.

Donkey on 08/11/2018:
I see... I definitely see your reason for concern, as I would be very cautious in taking those other Rx's he suggested. My husband was on Lexapro for anxiety+sleep -- more as a sleep aid but also to help anxiety, but it didn't work for him, because of the side effects during the day that were not good for a 911 dispatcher to have.

On the other hand, convenience is everything, so I get that too. You know your body best; the doctor is there for advice and guidance.


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Donkey - Thursday Aug 09, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Yesterday was a good day. Work was busy but not too busy. And I'm happy that today is Thursday, my favorite day of the week.

Today will be hot and humid, but the weekend forecast looks like it will be good. I wish the bugs weren't so bad this year so that I could do more nature walking.

I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was told by my boss and coworkers that I've lost too much weight. That is bothering me, obviously, as it took me a day to talk about this.

Ok I'll get this all out here: so I had that dream Tuesday night and then last night at dinner, just husband and myself, her tells me that I'm "doing" too much, meaning I'm exercising too much. This from a man that has at least 30 pounds to lose.

Well what am I supposed to do??? I exercise in the morning to get my day started right. I relax at night on the bike and watching tv, because just sitting and watching tv drives me nuts.

I brushed off his comments but he really has me honked off. What is it with people thinking they have the right to say **** like this?!?

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

legcramps on 08/09/2018:
Yay for Thursday!

Our weekend forecast is hot, hot, hot. I think I will probably be hiding inside for most of it.

Maybe hubby actually means it, could it be that it is coming from a good place? My grandma always used to worry and talk about about how much I was doing; she couldn't comprehend ever doing that much exercise HERSELF, so it was difficult for her to understand that it was ok for ME to do it, that my body was capable of taking it. Hubby needs to understand that your body is capable, and that exercise makes you happy, and he should be supportive of whatever it is that will help you become the best version of yourself!

Donkey on 08/10/2018:
Logically, I know my husband is just looking out for me. Emotionally, at that moment, it felt hurtful. I will remember though, to keep this on a rational, logical level. I can do that :)


horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
honestly, i think your exercise level is fine, as long as it keeps you happy. afterall, you sit all day.

i don't take it as too much.

your dream shows OTHERS' comments affecting you. HOWEVER, it's YOUR life. and this book i just read, the Four Agreements is totally about not allowing the DREAM of others and the Society Dream to change YOUR DREAM.

in the end, you have to do what makes you happy, not what makes your husband and coworkers happiest. your husband is not as healthy as you, i don't think you need to take his advice unless you actually agree in your heart. but if you don't agree, keep your routine.

Donkey on 08/10/2018:
Mind-blowing... I've got to get that book!


happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
If you are the right height and weight ratio... I'd take it as psyching you out... because he feels bad about himself. He'd probably be in less pain if he weighed less, he'd be happier if he was in less pain, and there are fundamental psychological reasons he is self-sabotaging his own happiness. As I have gotten more into alignment with what I need to do to be healthy I have gotten more flak from other people. If he wants to spend time with you, he'd probably have to exercise, or be in the room while you are on the bike... and you have two bikes. He could choose to do the other bike with you, even slowly.

I get flak for not wanting to go to anything that makes me go to bed late, choose ahead of time to eat the wrong foods (I have a hard time staying on track as it is), camping, picking activities that are active and walking around over going ut to eat.

Donkey on 08/10/2018:
Wow, I can't considered that but husband was projecting his limitations onto me! That makes a lot of sense.

You are so right that my husband could do more for his own health. His enthusiasm comes and goes :/ It's been the source of quite a few loud conversations in our household :(


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