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Donkey - Sunday Oct 25, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 147.0

I ate a bunch of Halloween candy today.

I also managed to do some errands that I have been putting off.  Unfortunately, I just remembered a few more I have to do, so this will be short.

Progress as of today: 33 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!

Donkey - Saturday Oct 24, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 147.0

I am slowly making the adjustment to my husband's schedule.  I sleep better at night since his snoring doesn't wake me up.  Sometimes, I sleep until noon so that I have some time with my husband, even if it's spent sleeping.

I now knit in front of my computer while I watch DVD's during the day.

I started my tutor training for ESL instruction (learning how to be an "English as a Second Language" instructor).  It is not all that I had hoped it would be, from what I can tell.  I start my actual "hands on" training on Tuesday(s), so I will have a better idea if this is something I can actually do.

I have not been exercising, tracking calories or drinking enough water.  I now realize that losing weight will not bring me the relief from grief or happiness or satisfaction of accomplishment that I need.

Maybe I will start going to the gym again in November.  It won't help but ... well.. whatever.

Progress as of today: 33 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!

Donkey - Monday Oct 05, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 148.0

I'm coming clean here....

I have slacked off on addressing my eating issues this past week, and it shows on the scale.  But scale aside, I can feel it too.  My body aches, my sleep is off, my mood is not so great... 

I am not taking advantage of October like I wanted to.  So that is what this week is dedicated to:  Getting back on track with the food.

I'm also trying a new weight lifting routine, to see how it goes.  Not necessarily new exercises but working muscle groups on different days, 4 days a week.  Still trying to walk 5 days a week. 

My husband is going to the night shift in a couple of days, which will change my entire routine.  This would not have been my first choice, but this means promotion and more money coming in.  Although the money is the bottom line, it's the promotion that was the reason. 

It'll be interesting to see where he sleeps during the day, because I spend a lot of time in our room, which has the master bath as well.  I shower after my workouts.  I can no longer do early morning workouts (before husband gets home) because my son gets off to school so early.  So I go after the kids are off to school -- and most days, after my walk.

But if my husband is sleeping, then ... I would essentially have to move everything to the kids' bathroom.  or shower at the gym (yuck).  Besides, I fold laundry in our room, I knit in our room, I relax and watch TV in our room ---- all of that will be changing. :-(  I would like him to sleep in our son's room, quite frankly.

We'll see how it works.  The kids have a 4 day weekend coming up.  Just in time to be home and be very quiet all day, right?  Ugh...

Try not to stress eat after all of that. 

Progress as of today: 32 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

horn_of_Plenty on 10/05/2009:
no need to be home and all quiet all day on a 4 day off vacation! why don't you and the kids pack up and go walking at a park or go do some other nature activity. DON'T stay home, unless you need the rest of course. you can rent a movie, if that's the case. have the kids hlep you do some work around the house? maybe have them help with laundry? or maybe that is not a possibility! haha.

as far as weight, whenever i gain as much as a couple pounds, my body feels it right away. bc, for me, a couple pounds can result from just a few days at hardcore binging. and then, that is a lot of new weight for the body to absorb at once! it was soooo difficult walking this sunday morning. i felt like i was YEARS beyond my age. but despite how i felt, i kept on for what i could and then walked again that evening. stastick at it, dont' stop. i am back to trying to get in more cardio...

Donkey - Thursday Oct 01, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 145.0

Happy October....

My weight is up but I'm OK with that.  I'm really looking forward to this month. 

My weight is up but I've stopped binge eating, for the most part.  I've had a couple of emotional eating episodes, where I caught myself eating for reasons other than hunger --- and associated with negative feelings.  That is to say, it's not like I"m catching myself having a piece of birthday cake at a party.  No, it's more like I find myself anxious and eating extra cookies.  Or feeling worthless and having a dish of ice cream.

So it's progress, but there's still a ways to go.

This is the month that I should start seeing visable changes in my body (upper body) with the weight training.  I HOPE!!!  I think THIS is what I am really anticipating more than anything else on the diet/exercise spectrum.


This month I continue to improve myself.  I hope to start some new knitting projects.  I want to start another blog and set up a Facebook page for myself.  I may take a tutorial in Power Point too, at the public library.

I am also very excited to start a new endeavor by becoming an "English as a Second Language" instructor.  My classes to begin this certification process start this month, towards the latter half.  I'm not so sure I want to be a classroom instructor, but I'd love to work with a small group or 1-on-1 (1-on-2), to work on conversational and practical English language applications.  (e.g. "How are you today?" "What is for lunch?") 

My kids have quite a few activities this month too that I am really looking forward to.  There are many, but 2 of the highlights are:

1.  My son's first band concert!!! (He plays clarinet)

2. My kids testing for their black belts in Tae Kwon Do!!! (no more TKD - yay!!!)

And let us not forget anything and everything about HALLOWEEN!!!  Can't wait to carve pumpkins, even if it means dealing with the temptation of roasted pumpkin seeds.

Progress as of today: 35 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2009:
wow, your kids are advanced in tae kwon do! i know a little something about the clarinet - a few words of advice: make sure he DOES practice most days of the week at least 20-30 min...and don't buy a reed softer than a 2 for him. it'll be difficult at first but a harder reed makes for a better sound. and if he sticks to regular practicing, a reed of that thickness should not be a problem at all. i learned this from an exceptional elementary band teacher i worked with a few years ago. and soon a 2.5 reed would be a good choice. don't buy 1 or 1.5. (i was a music education major and taught a few years.)

kudos to you on feeling better. i'm all about the gym too, loving the weights!

horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2009:
oh, and if you join fb, let me know bc i am on there, and so is rlovell and grumpy and jen.

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 23, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 142.5

Don't be fooled by the number in the "Current Weight" box. 

Starting up the weight training again.  Trying to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Knitting is going well.  I'm working on a poncho for my daughter and trying to master a decent mitten, which eventually I plan on making for my son.

Progress as of today: 37.5 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/23/2009:
wow, nice idea to knit a poncho! and weight training helps a TON with weightloss! that is why i'm continuing with it no matter what!!!! :) thanks for your words of kindness on my entry...hopefully my metabolism will pick up the bulk of what i give it!

glycrina on 09/23/2009:
Hey donks -- glad you are back to working out again. Congrats!

legcramps on 09/25/2009:
I knitted myself a hat once - it's crooked and the ear flaps don't even reach the bottoms of my ears, but I like it. I made it a number of years ago and I still have it, so I must like it! Have a great weekend! :)

biscottibody59 on 09/28/2009:
Good going with the knitting! Hope your week goes well for you!

grumpy on 09/29/2009:
good job on getting back on track and a mitten? that would be awesome!

Donkey - Saturday Sep 19, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 145.0

Up and down, up and down, up and down.....

I am tired.  I am sore.  My back hurts.  I have cramps.  I feel anxious.  I feel sad.  I feel worn down.


Progress as of today: 35 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

mskitty on 09/19/2009:
All us girls could out to a field and mimic the scene from Office Space where they take a baseball bat and kick the crap outta a fax mashine. But replace the printer with a pile of our scales. I can hear the gangsta music now... if you haven't watched it... you should and when it comes to that scene just VISUALIZE BABY.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/19/2009:
i agree with kitty! no more scales for you! take a break bc you know what you need to eat/not eat to lose weight, maintain, gain. let your clothing tell you how you're doing. forget the scales bc they just set you up for anxiety.

biscottibody59 on 09/19/2009:
I never answered your comment on "Biggest Loser"--if you and your daughter get "quality time" out of watching it together and it prompts discussion, it's a good thing. Home exercise for me has to include TV or music at the least. I myself don't have a symphony playing in my head at all times--haha:-)

Keep on pushing or nursing your back if you have to. If you're like me, you've tried pelvic tilts--for me they actually work when I'm having spasms/pain--I just loathe them as an exercise.

Also, when you get to a point of no pain, you've been cleared by the doctor that nothing serious is happening with it, start doing some deadlifts--I swear by them to keep those muscles strong and prevent possible relapsing.

Keep your chin up!

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 16, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 143.0

I am not sure of what I weigh, as I have not weighed in the past 2 days.  Which is probably just as well.

My back has been feeling somewhat better.  The jabs of pain are not quite as frequent.  Yet, I am reminded quite often of how I still need to be careful.  I almost tried running this morning, but decided not to tempt fate.

Perhaps it is not meant to be.

I have been walking every day except Garbage Day Pick-Up Day (for the obvious reason).  And then I go to the gym later and do the bike and/or the elliptical.  I don't know how long I will be able to sustain the walking, with the colder weather approaching the Chicago area.

I try to keep busy during my days as well.  I have yardwork to do that keeps getting put off, for one reason or another.  I am knitting a lot these days too.  I am not knitting anything specific, but rather, trying different patterns of stitches to make sample swatches.  I am thinking that perhaps I could piece these swatches together and make a tote bag for my knitting supplies :-)

I have not tried to apply at any further places of employment right now.  This pains me greatly, but for right now, this is not a battle I can engage in. 

Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

grumpy on 09/16/2009:
Yes, all emotional here too... Feel better! And knit nice scarves, I think they look so great and add some happiness to the look if you have a bright color on! :)

glycrina on 09/17/2009:
Knitting keeps you from mindless eating, or so I hear. keep your head up.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/19/2009:
so you are making all good decisions right now, and i'm glad to hear this. Don't try running now. Your back is bothering you. WAIT until your back feels FULLY better. Whenever i try to run, after i just ran the day before, my ankle is in pain for days after. It's not really worth it.

So my doctor put me on 10 mg celexa. It usually works fully at maximum better after 4 weeks but i think i am already feeling a difference since Thursday morning. I hope it's not the placebo effect, and that it's the pill that i'm paying for. it's not perfect though, and i think I will need a slightly higher dose, 20 mg in the end. I get far less anxious and i start to block the anxiety now, before it continues. Like i start to feel it, and then it subsides. I will admit i took 20mg this saturday morning, as weekends are tougher and i have a special dinner to attend tonight. (i promise not to become a drug addict, lol). i should probably have not done that, but it's only 20mg, and that is the "lowest therapeutic dose." I'll probably contact the doctor after a month and have him raise the prescription to 20mg. I wish i didn't have to wait so long to do that...

Donkey - Sunday Sep 13, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 143.0

No weigh-in today.  After yesterday's salty dinner and chocolate cake, why tempt fate like that?  Looking forward to another day of balance.


Went for a long bike ride this afternoon by myself.  I don't like the long shadows of autumn.

I have done well with my eating, in spite of negative feelings approaching.  Instead of having a whole piece of chocolate cake after lunch, I just finished my daughter's piece instead.

I hope to go for a short walk after dinner.  And then I would like to knit until bedtime.

Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/14/2009:
hmm, so you are doing everything right now! but, maybe if it is your weigh in day, just weigh in? unless the # makes you do crazy thing....lol. you are doing good donkster! i'm glad you are having some good days lately.

grumpy on 09/14/2009:
That's cute, my sisters always eat their kids left over desserts too instead of getting their own. :)

Donkey - Saturday Sep 12, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 143.0

Just checking in for the evening.  What a day...

I was a Wedding Hostess at my church today.  This is a volunteer activity that gives me immense joy.  I love to help make people's wedding days as happy and stress free and beautiful as possible.

However, I was told beforehand that this would be an Irish wedding. (?) So I was anticipating a large wedding, steeped in tradition.  There was absolutely NOTHING Irish about the wedding.  15 people at the most (bridal party AND guests, total).  And apparently, they were already married (civilly?), so this wasn't even really a REAL wedding.  There was no license to sign because they had already done so somewhere else. 

A woman who testified at my hearing was passing through the church (to a different activity, I guess, down in the basement).  She seemed surprised to see me there and stared at me as she walked by.  I just stared right back at her, keeping a pleasant smile on my face in front of the bridal party.  I mean, like what?  You think I don't go to church?  Or that because I was charged and pled no contest that I'm automatically guilty and thus a bad person?   Or are you surprised that you and I go to the SAME church?  And that I'm actually a LOT MORE like you than you care to admit?  What?

(I was not surprised because I knew that we go to the same church.  I've seen her at Mass several times, but apparently, she has been unaware of my presence.  I long for the day when I can shake her hand  and bid her peace.  ("Peace be with you")).

Anyway, I had decided ahead of time that I would "celebrate" this wedding with a fancy cake from the bakery.  I bought a delicious chocolate cake.  I had a piece for dinner and then I went for a walk, even though it was starting to get dark. 

I had not exercised today, my back had been spasming at the wedding, and I had the chocolate cake.  I decided that it would be good to try to get in a walk.  I am so glad that I did.

I may be handicapped by my back or by my criminal conviction, but I am free and able to walk.  So I will.

Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/13/2009:
you made all the right choices today. doing things for others and good things for yourself. incorporating moderation. having a slice of cake, talking a walk. great job donkey. this was a good journal entry!

Donkey - Friday Sep 11, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 144.5

Ohhhh I messed up my back today something baaaaad....

I decided to try to get back into running again, to help me feel ... better? more confident? significant?

I had fully intended on doing a short session of run/walk intervals.  I did a little stretching beforehand, and as I was doing one of the stretches, I thought, "Gee, I hope this one doesn't hurt my back."

Headed out the front door with a light jog and the pain started up right away.  Not a 9 or a 10 but enough to compromise my form.  I thought, "I hope I don't look funny in front of the neighbors" because I FELT funny, like I was not straight up and down.

Long story short, I ended up doing less and less running until I realized that I can no longer run with my disc as it is.  So I just kept walking, which was OK in its own way, but different.  It's just not the same.

Truth be told, I'm frustrated, angry, sad...  mostly sad that this is no longer an option for me.  I'm getting it checked by the doctor, but even if this is something I can "fix" (I've had back problems for nearly 20 years), I don't know if I will want to jeopardize it with running.  Even the elliptical is getting to be somewhat painful as well.

I can see that I am going to have to change my approach to exercise and weight loss.

Progress as of today: 35.5 lbs lost so far, only 14.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/11/2009:
what about the bike? i know it's not the same, but you can go some distance outside...and i guess you may want to do more weights again.

i hope you feel better soon emotionally. i miss your more positive attitude. perhaps once the kids are in school for a little bit you will begin to feel better. awww, let this weekend bring you some peace and comfort. :)

mskitty on 09/12/2009:
I would totally get into swimming if your having back problems. I know I personally hate bathing suites and what not but once your in the water it doesn't matter anymore. You could also consider strength training. Build the muscles up in your back it wont fix it but it might help you be able to do those types of exercises again.

biscottibody59 on 09/12/2009:
I had what was eventually diagnosed as a compressed nerve in my lower back about 22 years ago. Sciatica was invented in the bowels of hell I'm sure;-) Anyway, riding my bike was out, I could jog, but not for long. Didn't have access to a pool.

Walking for up to three hours two or 3 times/day was invaluable in the long run. If nothing else it became a perfect distraction. I put on headphones and went--and did not question anything while I was out there--a great escape! I didn't know what effect it would have over the months, but it did the trick. (The prescription NSAIDs helped as well.)

Hope you're having a good afternoon!

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