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Donkey - Saturday Apr 01, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.0

Feeling very anxious this morning, having a hard time getting my day started, so I put off writing here until I at least got in my morning exercise.  (See, it's all a matter of priorities and then forcing yourself to stick to them!)  I've put off breakfast, because I'm not sure what I want to eat, and again, having anxiety in getting anything accomplished right now.

Today:  A good weigh-in!  I was nervous about weighing in because last week was so low (due to illness) and then last night, I splurged on a piece of strawberry pie after dinner.  What on earth was I thinking?  Dinner (and dessert) was sitting kind of heavy, and I was feeling anxious, so I went for a long walk last night, which I think helped, but having all that sugar definitely isn't in my "low carb" plan!

March Recap:  It had ups and downs as far as the scale, but pretty much maintained.  I started March at 142.5 and ended at 141.5 last week.  Not too bad considering I was sick for a couple of weeks and then displaced from my exercise equipment at the end of the month (due to houseguest staying in the family room where my exercise equipment is).  

April DD Goals:  (1)  Would like to see numbers on the scale in the 130's;  (2)  Establish a regular weight training schedule, even if it's just 2 days a week; (3)  Establish the habit of walking in the evenings, now that the weather is getting nicer out.

April Personal Goals:  (1) discuss and prioritize financial goals with husband - things we've put off until resolving our house issue; (2)  Work no later than 6pm even if it means letting go until the next day;  (3)  Organize/clean/purge bookshelves in spare bedroom -- tackle 1-3 shelves a weekend.  [This is part of my new mission to downsize and minimize clutter in my life.]

 

Now I really must get my day started.  This anxiety is so uncomfortable today!

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/03/2017:
I have a lot to advise and suggest regarding your anxiety...will write later when less busy or wanting a break while here at work :-) I am thinking as it relates to a book on habits that i'm reading...your anxiety is making superior sense in regards to breaking habits...even your morning habitual routine - breaking - may unintentionally create anxiety!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/03/2017:
Me & you - we both have certain habits...even some habits we don't know we have....that hold us back.

Habits we don't realize control us even subconsciously - i give you a challenge...to overcome most of the anxiety....to take control....

but also like you mentioned to me...don't speak up unless necessary when at work...because the big mouths will also cause us nice ladies problems...trust me....ugh! what lessons i learned, so glad i learned them here at this job before moving to the NYPD...thankful for lessons learned HERE not THERE (nypd) where i'd be fired if it were little ole ME vs an "experienced big-mouth boss." as is the case of what happened here 2x in the past two weeks. done with that nonsense...and happy about my own life (got a raise last week...which helps the whole "positive thinking" thing on my end duh!....lets make it work...

...i'll comment more on the content in your diary later.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/03/2017:
like the reason that old habits creep back is that even old habits have been with us so long...they still continue to affect the brain and craving center...like your desire for the strawberry pie! Your "anxiety" was that craving...for the reward...the PIE! your anxiety was a disguised craving...you will need to beat old habits from reocurring by thinking of a better reward to develop a new habit even better than cake...i have learned to do this more & more...

or if a food reward, it's lower cal...i drink lots of flavored seltzers using stevia....i have spent money on expensive items at times to help me - like the stevia...

but i also crave the feeling to know my clothes fit...that i don't have to keep changing sizes...things like this have more importance, mostly, over overeating until i am so sick and it's 3,000kcal worth of food....

i have been able to break a lot of the habits this year...as i much prefer how my clothes fit year-round...

also, i crave caffeine a lot...over just eating more food...i have replaced a lot of overeating, with cafienating (not saying this is good) ...

what i'm saying is, life's a bunch of habits - cues which create a craving for a reward...

it seems you are used to having sweets when you are cued by anxiety...

Maybe your cue is when you indulge in a heavy dinner, that you expect a reward of dessert...so your cue was the heavy dinner which lead you to crave a dessert...

so you must change the reward for a heavy dinner...maybe instead of a drink or dessert, you can have fruit (whcih is sugar) and follow it up with seltzer sweetened with stevia - this is waht i do ... a small amount of somethign low cal, that is sweet, followed by something sugar-free, to satsify my mouth...and i can skip the higher cal pie / cake....

you need to recognize the cue that had you craving sweets and change the reward of sweets to a healthier reward....realize you have a habit going on...

the reason you do not know what in the earth you were thinking...is because habits are ingrained and not even thought about...we do them partially without thinking....like when you get up and turn off the alarm, or brushing your teeth...

to keep the weight down...and not indulge on a cue you are used to indulging on, you must realize why you were tempted in the first place and put in place a reward that oyu like, that is not cake.

walks can be rewards, they will make you feel good. a good idea is to crave the feeling of self-appreciation for completing a walk...knowing you did good for yourself.

2 days a week of weight-training is suitable and beneficial. if you are sick, you must rest. I have learned this - then you get over being sick faster....sleep is majorly important while sick. you must get yourself strong so you do not continuously feel run down constantly for weeks on end....!

Your evening walk can be a habit that starts as a cue that when dinner is over - the cue of dinner over is to go for a walk, for instance. Then, the feeling & knowledge of the scale going down is an internal reward for that walk. This can be your loop - only an idea. Dinner over = time for walk = yielding a feeling of being productive and accomplishing your goal of feeling good plus you do feel good from moving plus numbers on scale will be good.

However, your motivation when the numbers on the scale got to goal got screwed up...because once you MAINTAIN, the numbers on the scale do NOT go down...the motivation / reward of being healthy needs ot come from something else...not the scale...i have learned that for me - my reward is ALWAYS fitting into my clothes / this size.

My motivation, for mainenance, is beyond the numbers on the scale.

I think you are very motivated but #s on scale, but you need to find a different motivator for maintenance>......! This is what i just figured out based on knowing you, here and your entries over a long period of time! :-D

It is very important to limit your work hours - good idea - you must be healthy and not run-down bc of extra sitting hours at owrk....use them to relax at home / walk / do whatever you enjoy outside of work!

Donkey on 04/05/2017:
OMGosh, this is so spot on! Yes, you are right about motivators and having to find new ones. GOLDEN!!

Donkey on 04/05/2017:
I have been thinking over what you said about cravings disguising other emotions. I know that this is true, and especially in my experiences in the past, this has been true, i.e. eating for the wrong reasons.

However, I did not realize that this is what the strawberry pie incident was about. But you're exactly right! Gosh, it's so hard to be vigilant because these "dysfunctional coping mechanisms" can be so sneaky!


mylilsista on 04/04/2017:
I, too, suffer from considerable anxiety. It seems that my mind never stops jumping around to various scenarios that could end badly. Sometimes, I get on youtube and search for guided relaxation meditations. I close my eyes, listen to them, and relax. If you haven't tried this already, you may want to give it a try. That is my 2.5 cents worth :P

Donkey on 04/05/2017:
That is a really good idea! I will remember that!



Donkey - Saturday Mar 25, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 141.5

I don't expect to be this low next week.  This is mostly due to being sick this week, first with a low fever, and now with an unstoppable cough. Starting Thursday, all exercise went out the window.  Going to try to take a walk today.

I have a house guest coming this week, so my routine will be all out of whack, since my stationary bike is in the basement and that is where we will have the guest quarters set up.  So I must be disciplined enough to get my butt out of bed to walk outside if I want morning cardio.  Hopefully the Chicago weather will cooperate. 

Right now, just trying to get myself started on the day...  This one is going to be difficult.

Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

mylilsista on 03/25/2017:
I hope you feel better, soon. When I'm not feeling well, my routine is thrown off...so I understand. Thanks for your advice on the PF. Hope you have beautiful weather (or, at a minimum, 'warm').


Horn_of_plenty on 03/26/2017:
Yeah, i'm sick too as you know. Mine is just very slight body aches, slight sore throat on only the right side!, and a small stye in eye that didn't get bad bc i already have the ointment at home and didn't need to go to dr for it, thankfully.

I know why i am sick - stress - of a long month. that's what i think anyways - or i coulda just caught a germ..who knows. but it does suck because i know when i am sick, like you, i have lower energy levels for exercise and i truly just want to feel better before doing exercise too. I may just take off exercise until i am 99% or so better! haha....def skipping a workout this week.

lol, back to you - trust me that sleep is very important.



Donkey - Friday Mar 17, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 144.0

In anticipation of having a salty dinner tonight (Friday) for St. Patrick's Day, I decided to weigh in this morning rather than Saturday morning, to avoid any "weight" that might be salt-related.  I thoroughly enjoyed my reuben sandwich tonight, along with a big tossed salad. 

I'm mulling over whether to have Friday weigh-ins rather than Saturday morning weigh-ins.  On Fridays, I like to relax a little bit, indulge a little, but I'm on track for most of Friday.  So even though I stick to the program pretty much, even on Saturdays which are my "cheat days", by moving weigh-in to Friday mornings, that would reduce the "cheat day" to a "cheat meal".   Not sure yet.  Will re-evaluate at a later date.
 

So now that we've changed the clocks and daylight savings time has taken effect, I realize that I need to get back into the habit of taking a walk after dinner, when it's still light out.  This week, I was pretty much coming home, getting into my pajamas and getting to bed/sleep around 8pm.  That's how hard the time change affected me.  But now I've adjusted and realized it's time to get back into the habit I had over the summer last year, which really helped me lose most of my weight.  I think by adding these evening walks, I can reach my weight goal.

I must tell you though that this week I really did it:   I did some squats and lunges -- nothing really difficult -- except this time I held 5lb dumbbells.  You would think that these little dumbbells would not make much of a difference, but oh my goodness, my donkey and my thighs have been on FIRE since Tuesday.  Today is the first day that I can manage the ache and my legs aren't buckling out from under me.

So if 5lb dumbbells made such a difference with my thighs, why don't I get that same sensation when I do upper body exercises with those same 5lb weights? Especially since I've always considered myself to be stronger in the legs rather than the upper body.  What do I do?  Do I use a heavier dumbbell for my arms and back to get that "ache"? 

 

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/20/2017:
Same reason why you are considering changing your weigh-ins is the reason I had adjusted my calorie counting day starting day for the week - I anticipate higher cals on weekend and anticipate balancing them out all week - and that's why i start the count on Saturday knowing that on the weekend I tend to indulge and weekdays I can cut back. It works well for when I average my totals.

It's ok to change your ways if it's going to make you happier or be a positive influence to your lifestyle which it is!

Lol, the clock change affected me...when i wrote to you previously i accidentally thought we were gaining an hour lol...anyways, I think it took me a week to get used to the hour shift change of Springing Forward.

If you are on fire and that sore it's because the muscles obviously aren't even used to being used! I"m so happy you are starting up with the weights again. Do it for a long period of time, 6 mo-1yr and you will see MAJOR changes happening. More muscle & less fat. Smaller arm circumferences around bicep and you increase your muscle mass. trust it & me...no lie weights are the BEST.

5lb make a difference if you weren't even training the legs. I don't ache after my workouts as my muscles are used to being used...you shouldn't have to always be so sore...i think that would lead to an injury as when i injured myself, it was a time when i was constantly too sore after weekend tough workouts and not enough recovery time.

But u may have to increase the weights for arms...you should be able to do at least 8 reps...if you can do 12+ you should increase by 5 lbs. If the increase from like 5lbs to 10lbs is still too easy and you can still do 12 reps and do it 3x (3 sets of 12 reps) with 10lbs, move up again to 15lbs. If 15 is hard and you can only do 1 or 2 sets with them, do the last set using the 10lbs again. You don't have to fully increase all sets....do whatever you can do ALWAYS increase the amount of weight you are lifting. This is what I do...to make sure I'm always trying to get to the next higher weight...keeps me strong. I do not get sore always, no, but i'm always pushing myself.

It's not the ache, but your progress that should count more in my opinion. Make sure to do 3 sets of 8-12 reps. Once you are doing 12 reps fairly simply with those weights, time to increase your weight.

Squatting and adding weight to your own body weight makes sense that you're getting sore as you NEVER did that before also...so that's a "high weight" to use as it's the first weight you ever added to your squats!

And in terms of squats, I still don't even need to add weights...i am still good with doing them only with my original body weight...that's how hard an exercise i guess they are!



Donkey - Saturday Mar 11, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 145.5

Gained 3 pounds this week.  I seem to be in a see-saw with the same 3 pounds back and forth.  I've been on track all week, so I think hormone fluctuations had a part to play in this week's weigh-in.  At least that's my hope.

Trying hard not to get discouraged, but I can be honest here that I'm feeling kind of down about this number.  Plus, my husband is in a lot of pain today but forced himself to go to work.  I know he did that because he thought I would get mad at him, since he took yesterday off too, and I feel bad/sad about that too :-(

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 03/11/2017:
Hope hubby feels better. Don't get discouraged, we all have been through the same.


Horn_of_plenty on 03/12/2017:
Listen, you've lost so much weight...don't give in....this is now the time to work at maintenance.......

I hope your husband feels better than he did Friday. So sorry.


Horn_of_plenty on 03/12/2017:
J Donkey - i replied to your comment on my Friday entry about the work scenario whcih was so upsetting. It should be blown over by Monday.

If not, I will mention how she and i (after i was asked to apoligize to her for my tone of speaking to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (you should have heard her come back at me - she actually threatened me! and she didn't have to apologize!?) ...anyways...if it comes up at work, i'll mention right away how she and i agreed the situation was OVER and dealt with on Friday. that we agreed it's over and we'd agree to move forward.

If i have to hear of the situation again at work, I'll simply speak up for myself. And i'll say that all bc she is a boss or has a higher position than me, doesn't make her bullying of my coworker alright. It doesn't give her any authority to disrespect anyone in the company. That everyone deserves equal respect and that she also needs to play by the same rules as everyone else in the comapny.



Donkey - Thursday Mar 09, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.5

I think my co-workers are trying to sabotage my efforts.  They keep bringing in food and telling me to eat.  I take the food, but then I bring it home, rather than eat it at work.  That reminds me, I have to take the bagel w/jalepeno cream cheese out of my lunchbox before bed...  I should just put on my big girl pants and say, "no thank you".

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

mylilsista on 03/10/2017:
Wow...44 lbs lost? Amazing! Maybe your coworkers are trying to be kind, by sharing their food with others. I don't think it is rude to simply say "no thank you".


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/10/2017:
YES DO IT, Donkey....around here food is offered too...just say no thanks...if they ask why, so you "don't want" it or stronger word is "don't like" or you can even say you "can't have it now" if you really feel like it.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/10/2017:
gonna respond to your awesome comments on my entry later today :-D thank you in advance for the four points you left me.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/10/2017:
Remember to put yourself first and stand up for your needs. You can sometimes take the food a little bit and throw out later / not take all the time. Do not feel the need to take, you can say no.

I notice here at office, large office, not everyone is saying yes when cake goes around...especially some bosses decline (they are good at saying no...the bosses!)



Donkey - Saturday Mar 04, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.5

Oh yes, I think I have found the secret to sucessful weigh-ins:  the night before weighing in, have screaming sessions with my husband before eating so that neither one of us feels like eating much.  There you go.  Not good for the marriage but very good for the scale.

Truthfully, I think my success this week had more to do with eating raw vegetables, more than anything, and consistent exercise.

I finally got honest with myself and decided on a final weight loss goal:  I want 50 pounds total off in this journey.  So that will leave my goal weight at 136.5 and then I will shift into maintenance at +/-2 pounds either direction.  That feels right and honest to me.

I would appreciate feedback from other DD'ers regarding the daily eating routine I mentioned in my previous entry, re: eating all day.  Thoughts, feedback, constructive criticism are welcome.

Thank you for visiting my diary today :-)

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 03/06/2017:
Good goals. You've done so well so far!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/06/2017:
i can see how the raw veggies will help as they also offer nice amounts of liquid (water) which is GREAT for weight loss!

You are doing great...sorry about the screaming...but happy you are doing well.

Keep up the great work and positive thinking! PS - it's almost Spring & Daylight Savings :) We can enjoy extra sleep!



Donkey - Friday Mar 03, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 145.5

Weigh Day is tomorrow, but as I am taking the train into the city to meet up with my favorite aunt and my mom, I may not have time to write until Sunday.

I did relatively well at dinner tonight, so I'm hoping to have a good weigh in tomorrow. 

I did well at dinner because it was a complete disaster, part of which I touched on in my comment to InnerPeace and museumgirl.  The husband is supposed to lose 50-60 pounds so he can have hip replacement surgery, and to help him with his AS disease.  (It's hard on a body that is already completely inflamed to carry around all that extra weight.)  So we've all been bending over backwards to help him, but today he had a good day at work, so he comes home and finishes my daughter's panchki from yesterday and makes himself a pepperoni pizza for dinner.  WTH!!!!

I get that he wanted to celebrate, but not with CRAP FOOD like that, and not for just having a good day at work.  WTH!!!

So he throws a huge tantrum and goes down into the basement without eating and plays computer games.  I come home to THIS after dealing with attorneys and clients throwing the same kind of tantrums all day long.  Seriously!  Regarding one of the attorneys I was fighting with, I finally told my boss, this guy is being ridiculous, please call him and see what the problem is.  WTH!!!

One thing that I have realized this week -- that I briefly mentioned to Jayhawkjen is that I eat ALL.THE.TIME when I'm at work. 

  • It starts when I get to work.  I drink my protein shake until about 10:30a or so. 
  • Then I have cottage cheese with flaxseed. 
  • Then lunch - or if I can't hang on until lunch, I'll have about a dozen almonds. 
  • Then lunch. 
  • Then I come upstairs from the lunchroom and start eating raw vegetables or fruit. 
  • Then around 3:30p I'll have 12 almonds. 
  • Then if I'm desperate, i'll have 1-2 rice cakes. 
  • Then I come home and have dinner.

I have 1-2 cups of coffee during the day, and about 48 oz (700mL?) of water throughout the day.  This cannot be a healthy way to be.  I don't want to be eating all the time, but most of the time I feel genuinely hungry, except for the raw vegetables -- that's usually anxiety.


BUT - there was one good news today:  the house, all clean and beautiful, appraised much higher than we had even dared hope to hope for, and that helped reduce our new monthly payment about $60.  We close on Wednesday.  Thank you all for your positive thoughts & energy, prayers, and good vibes.  Much appreciated, more than I could ever express here...

 

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


Donkey - Saturday Feb 25, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 145.5

As I had feared, predicted, and anticipated, my weigh-in was not good this week:  a GAIN of 2.5 lbs -- even after going to the bathroom!

A couple of things weight related:

The fact that I delay my day and weigh-in on Saturday until I go to the bathroom in the morning is ridiculous.  Just get up and weigh-in and get going!  Take note, fellow DDer's, this falls under the category of "Don't Let This Happen to You - Ridiculous Rituals".  No more of this!

Ate too much last night for dinner.  Was not stuffed but pleasantly full.  But I knew that it would show up on the scale and it did.  Oh well.

I started the month at 146.5 and ended at 145.5 so overall lost 1 lb.  I'm in the "last 10 pounds" stretch, so I will have to fight for every pound I take and keep off.  Am I ready for this?  Truly mentally for this undertaking?

 

On to Regular Life now:

We should hear about the appraisal this week and what the terms will be for the refi. 

Unlike last weekend when the weather felt like late Spring, today it is snowing out.  I am going to walk this morning - no stationary bike.  I need a break.

Lots of errands to run, but I hope to catch my daughter's band ensemble thing today at 12:30p, and I also hope I get the opportunity to relax and enjoy the things I like to do:  knit, read, watch TV -- there's a documentary on Netflix I want to watch called "Minimalist" which I hope will motivate me to continue to clean and declutter.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/25/2017:
Don't let the scale screw with your mind...you have been doing GREAT this year and as of late you are in the best spirits. Keep it up, lady.

I hope that your walk was good despite the snow...our weather is still feeling sorta Spring like, we are supposed to get some rain but like you - tomorrow i will go walking, hopefully with the 'rents back at their house tomorrow afternoon!

It's good to go out & get some fresh air. Today i did what i said i'd do - relaxed like all day. sometimes it's what the body needs...lol...i want to relax all night...but i am going to gym so that for tomorrow night i can sleep early before a week of work .... lol that work/life balance ;)

Your daughter plays flute? I am not sure you ever mentioned the intrument...i used to teach band...i have a master's in music ed...you probably knew that already...

try to "plan in" for one or a couple or all the items...i have learned that i must plan for these things, or they do not happen...like i plan to work out, if it's not planned for, i just waste time on the web...lol.

enjoy your weekend, stay happy & keep on charging J-Donk - it's the ONLY WAY :-D you got it girlfriend!



Donkey - Thursday Feb 23, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 143.0

Another midweek entry...  I had spaghetti last night for dinner and I noticed that it seemed as though I had more energy and less muscle fatigue today.  Usually by Thursday I'm just dragging.  I don't think I've been carb cutting that much, but maybe I was, or maybe just not eating enough.

At any rate, I feel better but I'm not expecting a good weigh-in on Saturday.  Oh well...

Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
AGREED Donkey. I also eat more carbs these days. Carbs do provide energy we need. you can always experiment with bean spaghetti or whole wheat...i am also experimenting still and still have the increased carbs. I am feeling also way better this time of year (mid winter) and perhaps it's the spring weather we are having (totally out of season) but as i have been eating better, my energy is up also.

it's not healthy to be too low carb...i remember when i dieted and actually followed a severe low carb diet...i was exhausted all day and could hardly complete my workouts. i did it for around 3 months i think? long time ago - i think i was around 23 or 24yrs old. no good. and i binged a ton after the diet was over bc i was craving carbs so much!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
weirdly enough i've been eating a hair more over the past month & didn't gain weight. like, on avg, more than 100 cal more per day! seeing how it goes.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
Lol, it's only me & you writing....everyone's prob busy and running around :)

can't wait to relax tonight and a large portion of tomorrow!



Donkey - Tuesday Feb 21, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 143.0

Just a quick update to let you know that the appraisal is done.  The house looked and still looks so nice and clean.  16 bags and 1 full can of garbage, plus 3 recycling bins and 2 collections of cardboard boxes (also for recycling) to the curb.  That's still not all of the garbage, but there are a lot of leftover computer parts that I have to figure out how to dispose of those correctly....

My goal is to have the house on the market by the end of the year, which is when I figure my husband will not be able to work any more...

And I managed this WITHOUT stress-eating!  Very proud of myself.  Even if things don't work out well, at least I know that I did my very best, and I know that my husband also tried really, really hard and my kids went above and beyond my expectations.

Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/21/2017:
I will commend you for not stress eating...and for more writing something that sounds very resolute, logical, and sensible.

You are remarkable and you are smart and resilient.

You are empowering and you have inspired me by reading this post this morning. Thank you.



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