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Grumpy - Wednesday Oct 29, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 170.6

I have been doing alright. I have been keeping busy, and J did call on Monday and we had a good conversation and he did say he misses me, which i was glad to hear. He left the door open, but didn't act dramatic or anything, which was good. Now I have to be strong not to contact him for a while, hopefully until he does again.

I had a nice sushi dinner with friends last night and it was a treat. My friends has been good to me and reaching out and I am also planning fun things, and it's all helping. I miss him so much though, it's like everything is grey-er without him around. But I do remember the sad times too, and all that was unfair to me.

Hope you girls are doing great. You know what? I will comment some today. :)

Love!

Progress as of today - 31.4 lbs lost so far, only 20.6 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 10/29/2008:
Hello to you! (Smile!)


thinnside40 on 10/29/2008:
Keeping busy is a good thing...... (*(*(*HUGS*)*)*) for a speedy recovery!


loveray on 10/29/2008:
im SO sorry you are going through this difficult time, but i know you will make it with flying colors! maybe we can just dip some steaks in dark chocolate together!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/29/2008:
friends are better than guys sometimes! LOL


starfish on 10/29/2008:
Hi! I LOVE sushi! Thanks for the comment. :-)


selina on 10/30/2008:
hi there! hugs and smiles to you!



Grumpy - Tuesday Oct 28, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.2

My diet is working, I am so glad! I am going back to where I was soon! Hope all of you are having a good journey and a wonderful day. Xo

Progress as of today - 29.8 lbs lost so far, only 22.2 lbs to go!

skinnyjeans on 10/28/2008:
YEAH!!!!!!!! Nice. :)


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/28/2008:
yay grumpy!


kzirkle on 10/28/2008:
Grumpy doesn't sound so grumpy anymore!!! Great job!


WI3 on 10/28/2008:
Congratulations! Keep up the great work!



Grumpy - Monday Oct 27, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 175.0

Doing good with my eating and should be on my way to lose the re-gained pounds. I am also doing much better than before.

Thanks for your thoughts and comments. I will be back to commenting soon.

Love you girls. M.

Progress as of today - 27 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

omahagrl on 10/27/2008:
Big hugs for you! Have a great day!


omahagrl on 10/27/2008:
I am doing very well...but I think of you everyday and hope that your days become brighter. I have been in your place several times and there is nothing more heart breaking then losing someone that you truly love. Everyone tells you it gets better with time and it does but the here and now is hard. Take the time for you and remember though we have never met you are a good friend to me and I will always be here!!


skinnyjeans on 10/27/2008:
I like your positive attitude! You will drop those pounds in no time! :)



Grumpy - Sunday Oct 26, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 175.0

This will be my reaction week. I reacted socially, now I need to react health-wise. I promise you and myself that in a couple of weeks you will see my old lowest weight back in here.

Have a great sunday! M

Progress as of today - 27 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!


Grumpy - Friday Oct 24, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 175.0

Yes, my weight got out of control in Brazil. So I am back to 175. I checked this morning.

I am going through such a hard time and trying to make the best out of it, but it's so hard. I know I can manage the weight, i really can. 10 months ago I was 202. I had setbacks before. I was eating all day and all night for 5 days in Brazil, to drown my sorrows and not deal with it and pretend to my family I was okay.

I am not doing awful, I am just very anxious and really need to talk to J and make a couple of things clear. But I won't contact him if he wont. So I have to wait.

I am going out this weekend with friends and having fun. But it's so hard not to think of him.

B: 2/3 superfood juice 200

Progress as of today - 27 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

glycrina on 10/24/2008:
RUN, just run


skinnyjeans on 10/24/2008:
Keep your chin up and don't forget about how far you have come! You've lost a lot of weight! :) Best of luck with the J situation..boys are annoying. :) Try to have a great time this weekend with your girls! :)


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/24/2008:
girl, there's no reason you can succeed in this weightloss! now you're back to comfortable territory! :)


loveray on 10/24/2008:
i know you can get back to your committed self, but try to have compassion for yourself in this time of grief. i know this J thing has got to be one of the hardest things you have faced in awhile. i am in yoga training tomorrow all day, but will call to check on you tomorrow night. i love you so much!



Grumpy - Thursday Oct 23, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 169.6

Girls, THANKS SO MUCH for your constant comments and support. I am okay, hanging in here, and the good news is that i am actually looking fwd to halloween and other events. I am going to a show with my friends this saturday and I am happy that i decided to go instead of being home broken hearted.

I haven't been really feeling like writing much here on DD, and I am so sorry I havent been commenting. I will get back to it, it's just that for now I am busy and also avoiding being online any more than i already am. I will be back, though, as the Terminator would say. :)

xo.

Progress as of today - 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 19.6 lbs to go!

omahagrl on 10/23/2008:
Hey there. Sounds like you are taking life one day at a time like me and I promise it does work. I downloaded a new CD by a gal named Adele (chasing pavement) Not sure if you have listened to her but her music is very soothing! Have a groovy day!


WI3 on 10/23/2008:
Have fun this weekend!


leeumom on 10/23/2008:
You are doing great and you have all our support here. Before Kopsman and I actually got engaged, he wanted more free time. I said thats fine but I am going to choose the day I want for free time. It was a Thurs. nite as that was when all the singles went out. He changed his tune! I would do just what you are doing and have a good time. My dad use to say, there are always more fish in the sea!!!!! Your a beautiful gal and mr. right is just around the corner, when you least expect it. Have a great weekend!



Grumpy - Wednesday Oct 22, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 169.6

hey girls, thanks for all your comments. really help! there is some drama on the J thing and that's why i am obsessing. i am pretty sure this girl who tried to break us before is telling him things which may be the reason why he disappeared from AIM, etc. (she txted me and i got a couple anonymous emails that i assume are from her). But I have no control of what he believes in, so I can just pray that things are fair to me.

i am home now, and could sleep in the flight. i feel disgusted though, i ate so much on that plane i feel gross and don't understand why i did that (i was flying stand by and got put on business class and ate everything they fed me!!!). I am kinda feeling sick.

I think I will try and get back into that detox diet, not sure yet. I may do the one where you eat foods as well.

Have a great wed. M

Progress as of today - 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 19.6 lbs to go!

omahagrl on 10/22/2008:
Hey there. I have been reading your entries about the J situation and I am only thinking good thoughts for you. There were so many times in my past where I put myself out there only to find it was not to be but I never gave up and now life is wonderful. Hang in there and find the strength to move on not only with your love situation but with getting back on track. I know you will be successful!


thinnside40 on 10/22/2008:
I am raising my glass of cran-grape peach spritzer to you!!!!!!!

Here's to finding a new path to take and find the rewards that await you in "letting go" my friend..... and to settlment of mind....

XOXO


skinnyjeans on 10/22/2008:
Calories don't count at 29,000 feet. :) :) :)


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/22/2008:
hey, i'm with skinyjeans right now. i'm sure the food was GREAT!


thinnside40 on 10/23/2008:
Hey You ~ Just letting you know that I'm thinking about you and if there was anyway I could take your pain/hurt/broken heart and rid of it, I sure would.... Just think in this time that you are gaining strength in other areas that will make you a MORE amazing person..Believe that, cause you ARE and *&*&*&AMAZING*&*&*& woman!

XOXOXO



Grumpy - Tuesday Oct 21, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 169.6

I am finally flying home tonight, I didn~t want to, but have to. I had a good trip and this was such a good idea. I still think about J all the time, obssess a little, since i havent seen him online or have had any sign of him since a week ago when we exchanged some unpleasant emails. This makes me sad and frustrated, this was supposed to be the time for me to get over him, for him to miss me and value me, and yet, it�s being the time when he�s angry at me and i am thinking of that constantly.

anyway, i will resume with the diet and the diary tomorrow.

have a great day, girls. m

Progress as of today - 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 19.6 lbs to go!

uncgrad2001 on 10/21/2008:
I know this is easier said than done...but don't think of it as him being mad at you. This was something that you needed to do for you, and he decided to make a choice. If he's upset, that's on him...you didn't create that.

But outside of that, we welcome you back to Georgia with open arms!!!! Talk to you soon!


WI3 on 10/21/2008:
Looking forward to seeing you back again tomorrow! I agree with UNC. And who cares if he is upset with you or at you or whatever. I promise you one thing, unless he is all in love with you the same way you are with him, if you were mad at him, he isn't losing any sleep over it. There is a reason you did what you did, and that was to take care of YOU. Going back and talking to him and trying to fix everything isn't going to do anything but rip you open even more. Let it go. If he had dedicated himself to you, he wouldn't be where he is right now cause you would have loved him dearly. Him being where he is and having the nerve to be mad at you, speaks about his issues and nothing you do is going to help him get through those issues. If you keep going back and talking to him and trying to solve everything, you are just giving him excuses to continue to hide his head in the sand. And you are also continuing to bury your hopes and dreams of the things you want in the process. Eventually, you will lose who you are and you will end up resenting him. LET GO and don't look back. If he truly does want you, he will come back. And you don't need to tell him that any more. He knows how YOU feel about HIM. Leave him alone and let HIM figure out how he feels about YOU. Let him carry that stress around and you just relax and enjoy not feeling responsible to make something work when it either isn't the right thing, or isn't ready. Self preservation is critical, and showing self respect and restraint sometimes is the ONLY thing that gets through to a guy. If you truly want to be with this guy, let go of him and give yourself and him the respect of true time and distance. And if it is going to be, nothing will stop him from coming back, and nothing will change your mind. If not, then you have your answer and you've stopped wasting time.

It is perfectly normal to be sad and miserable after a breakup. Just leave him alone and get through your pain. The sooner you let go of him, the sooner your heart will feel better. Take care.


glycrina on 10/21/2008:
Angry is good -- at least he is feeling something. Can you imagine how you would feel if he just didn't care! If he is angry, allbeit childish, it is his way of showing you he is hurt (I am reading a lot of dog books and it is amazing the similarities). Anyway, like everyone else has said, this is not about him. This is about YOU. I hope you get better, feel better and remember, love yourself unconditionally. HUGS



Grumpy - Thursday Oct 16, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 169.6

Survived second day of the cleanse, was kinda easy and i feel good. Only thing is that tonight i fly home, so I think I will continue tonight, but will eat foods (light foods) on Fri and Sat, because it will suck for my parents that i cant go out or eat anything at all with them. Also I am flying stand by and wont check bags, so would be hard to bring enough of the juice.

Have a good day everyone!

Progress as of today - 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 19.6 lbs to go!

skinnyjeans on 10/16/2008:
Good idea...glad the cleanse is going well, but it would be hard to travel with a bunch of juice! :)


kzirkle on 10/16/2008:
I wish you nothing but the best today.


selina on 10/17/2008:
Eh verdade, imagine ir ateh o Brasil e nao comer nada! Tambem, nao se pode mais carregar liquidos no aviao, no seu carry-on. Abracos a todos, lah. Tenha um bom fim de semana com a sua familia. Boa sorte, aproveite bastante e ateh breve. Abracos.


leeumom on 10/19/2008:
So glad that you were able to go home. Family is so important. I think you are doing the right thing with you know who! Keep going out with friends and net work. To bad you aren't in my nick of the world, I'm great at lining people up!! You will meet that one who is ready. I believe that God sends us the one at the right time. Worth waiting for..... believe me. Have a great evening!


WI3 on 10/20/2008:
Just checking in to say hello!! Hope you are having a good time with your family!



Grumpy - Wednesday Oct 15, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 169.8

*********UPDATE*************

I decided to go home. I have a buddy pass and will fly to Brazil tomorrow night and come back Sunday night to be with my family.

*******************************

DAY 2 of SAMBU DEEP CLEANSE

DAY 2 of CUTTING J OFF

No doubt that the cleanse if much easier than the other issue. I have a big knot on my stomach, a big knot on my throat and it's so hard not to cry. I am having all those thoughts that are killing me. I know today he is going to lunch with the girl he went on a date with. He told me it was more work people going, but it's bad either way. I need to stop thinking about him at all and move on. It's so hard though.

Progress as of today - 32.2 lbs lost so far, only 19.8 lbs to go!

skinnyjeans on 10/15/2008:
LOL you are so funny. And you are not alone...I ran into a guy I've been "seeing" at a restaurant last night and he was on a date! Jerk! And don't be afraid to cry...it would be a good way to relieve your feelings. Keep us posted on your cleanse...and don't forget, there is another guy out there waiting for you!! And he's probably a tall, rich, hottie! :)


Donkey on 10/15/2008:
Surely the symbolic significance of you doing the Deep Cleanse and Cutting J Off isn't lost on you or your readers.

Moving on is very difficult. Give yourself time. BTDT...


glycrina on 10/15/2008:
YOU GO GIRL. Be strong. . . it is funny to read your posts cuz before I got married I had this huge dramatic relationship with this guy, let's call him dorcus. Even though it has been years and I am more than in love with my adoring wonderful husband, I still sometimes wonder why he hasn't fallen apart without me -- YEARS LATER. When I found out he broke up with his fiancee, I was kinda happy that it wasn't just me -- isn't that horrible. While I know this wildly innappropriate, he is kind of a tool now and I am glad that he dumped me -- well, I don't know if "glad" is the right word. I wish I had dumped him, but the point is, it is okay to feel the way you do.


thinnside40 on 10/15/2008:
Travel Safe & Take Care........


sweetpea1977 on 10/15/2008:
Hey girl,

I just caught up on all your entries. First off, I LOVE your hair! So cute and sassy! Secondly, hang in there regarding J. I think you made the right decision for the both of you guys.

And lastly, have a safe trip. Enjoy your time with your family!


loveray on 10/15/2008:
aww i will miss seeing you tomorrow night- but hope you have a safe and loving trip with your family. i love you sweetie!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/15/2008:
just make sure you are taking care of yourself on your cleanse. don't do anything that makes you feel really sick.

anyways, good idea on your part to cut j. i think you did the right thing...and know you'll get through it.


WI3 on 10/15/2008:
I think it is a good idea to go home for some family time. I know how much it hurts to take that giant step back. Unfortunately, it is all part of going through a loss, even if it is only brief. Take even the smallest grain of strength and freedom you may feel from your action, and hold it close and start to magnify it within your heart. By walking away with your head held high, you have done it with grace and dignity and you did it before you lost respect for him. TRUST ME, that alone will be on his mind. He WILL think about it. Probably the most liberating feeling out of this (at least it was for me) was that finally I could put the ball back in his court and let myself go to be able to NOT WORRY or wonder or fret or make myself sick mentally over something that might not be what I want it to be, even if I do love him. As hard as it is, NOT talking to him is the best thing you can do for you, and for him, and for both of you. Guys don't have it in them to do the things that we women must do. If they feel the slightest bit of affection and encouragement from a woman, their brains tell them that we MUST be satisfied with them and the way things are..even if they really know we aren't. Guys aren't complex, they aren't into the whole world of thinking a bunch of different things or possibilities as to why everything is not what it should be. When they know things aren't right, but we keep acting like they are...they automatically start putting up walls and being distant and defensive because they are just waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting to be bawled out, and they can even start to search for the next girlfriend if they expect the relationship is going to blow up in their faces. Which is exactly why it is a very good idea to back off and put that distance between the two of you, HONESTLY and with dignity and respect...and BEFORE you want to scratch his eyes out and scream at him. Or, before you want to cry or be totally emotional with him.

Don't ever let him know how much it hurt/hurts you unless he makes a firm committment to you. Reason being, you want to be seen as a strong, confident and beautiful woman who has standards and isn't willing to compromise them or accept less than a man's best. And you want to make sure that he understands that...and if he does decide to come back on a relationship level..he will know full well exactly what you want and expect. If you give him mixed signals, he will never base his decision to return (if he does) on the things you deserve. In addition, that projected self confidence is good for you as well. And you will approach your next relationship or re-involvement with J, in a truthful and honest light. there is something sexy about a woman who is confident even when she walks away. Let HIM think that he isn't worth your time if he is going to continue to be wishy washy..trust me, if a man wants something, he is going to do what it takes to get and keep it. And you trusting him to do exactly what you need, to be a man and take care of a woman, is something all men love. They need expectations from us. They need to know exactly what we want and expect, because it gives them something to give us! And when a man truly does love us, they want to give us those things that we expect and deserve. If we say one thing and then go running back without holding firm, a guy never feels like he is accomplishing anything and he doesn't feel respected or valued. And they will go looking somewhere else.

As hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. And yeah, unfortunately it is going to hurt and be sucky for a while. It does get better. And I am not talking about it getting better with or because of , J. I am talking about it getting better for YOU. I can't explain it specifically...but if you hang in there and stick to your guns, you will find out what I mean. And it will be an ah-hah moment. Take care and have fun with your family. And do not, ever, let him know that being without him has had the ability to crush your heart. They don't need to know these things. This is how strong women show their strength, this is the strength that is sexy to a man. Hang in there.



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