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Grumpy - Monday Dec 01, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

So I finally figured out how to start a new entry in the new layout. Haha.


Monday, new life, no more thanksgiving eating. I am happy though. :)


Hope everyone is having a good day.


B: elderberry juice and fiber 160 and coffee, 1/2 bagel and cream cheese  and a couple of strawberries 300<br>

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 12/01/2008:
Monday AND the 1st of a month.... What more of a great incintive to say "fresh start"... What an opportunity!

Have a good one!

WI3 on 12/01/2008:
LOL congrats on figuring it out! I know it was a stunner at first..but I like the new format. Have a great night!

Grumpy - Friday Nov 28, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Grumpy - Friday Nov 28, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Grumpy - Friday Nov 28, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Grumpy - Friday Nov 28, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

Can't access my diary to add a new entry, so here it goes. I am so happy, had the most wonderful weekend and holiday, surrounded by friends and feeling great about myself, even though i am stuck in the weight loss.

J and I have been doing so great. I can't even believe it. 

Today one of my best friends asked me if i lost more weight, because i looked so great. Well, I told her I didnt, i gained a little if anything, but I was very happy. So we both came to the conclusion that that's why. I just wanted to share that with you guys. In the search of a healthier and slimmer body, the mood and general happiness shouldnt be left behind. so moderation is the best advice i can give you.




Posted some thanksgiving pics below. The first one I am with my friend who hosted, the second, being silly with J and the last one if the whole group. I set up the camera and run there, so the shot got me on the run. hehehe.


we had a great time and today was just relaxing, spent half of it with J and the rest with girlfriends. foods were okay, but i didnt exercise. maybe tomorrow.

I need to establish xmas goals. Maybe 4 pounds less till then. So that would be 168. Doable for sure. :) 

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

WI3 on 11/29/2008:
Four pounds isn't a bad goal! Have a great day!

loveray on 11/30/2008:
what a beautiful entry above, about thanksgiving...its all in the moderation and all about what we feel inside our own souls and bodies. you are radiant!

WI3 on 11/30/2008:
Glad things are smoothing out for you! Have a wonderful Monday!

selina on 12/01/2008:
Nice photos, above! looks like you had a great holiday! hugs to you!

Grumpy - Friday Nov 28, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

Thanksgiving was great. I spent it with J and friends and we all had a wonderful time. Food was delicious, I had a more than usual, but ate salad too and really compensated the rest of the day. :)�

Hope everyone had a great time.�

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

loveray on 11/28/2008:
im glad he got the chance to make it. looks like yall had a fabulous day/night! love you and hope to see you again soon. xoxo

skinnyjeans on 11/28/2008:
Yay...I'm so glad you had a great Thanksgiving!! :)

Grumpy - Wednesday Nov 26, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

 J and I are talking and it's okay, I feel alright about everything and now I always think that either our situation changes for the better or nothing, so thinking that way i am not afraid of anything that happens. 

I am excited for today and tomorrow as it's 2 of my good friends bdays and tonight we're going out and tomorrow we celebrate the other one during thanskgiving dinner.

I bought a couple new clothes and I am excited for wearing them and looking cute. :)

I havent been thinking much about the eating lately, granted i am not losing, but not gaining at all either. 





Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

leeumom on 11/26/2008:

skinnyjeans on 11/26/2008:
Oooo have fun tonight with your girls!! And have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I'm going to eat, eat, eat. :)

Grumpy - Tuesday Nov 25, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

Didn't do well with eating yesterday, but did well with my feelings which is a big deal.

The J thing is hard to solve for me. �But I will. I really believe his issues have to do with commitment and not with me. But unless he works on them �nothing will change for me or anyone else in his life (he was going to therapy, but i am not sure he made an appointment). And I can't just wait forever.

So today is a new day and hopefully I will do well with my eating. xo.

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

abdab74 on 11/25/2008:
I am so proud of you and your positive outlook on the situation. You go girl!

hollybelle on 11/25/2008:
Hi catching up with your diary a little - will pray for your mom and dad's situatiion. So sorry about your uncle.

Re: J - whew! You are right - he isn't going to change overnight - he probably isn't going to change - ever. Maybe sad, but true, I think. If you like the new guy - give him a chance. Go after what you want (in your words) a real relationship. I have a question -seriously, though. Is J what you want? If so, why do you think so? Sorry - didn't mean to get all "relationship manager" on you, just wondering.......Don't settle.

thinnside40 on 11/25/2008:

WI3 on 11/25/2008:
Just stopping by to let you know I'm reading and still supporting you!

skinnyjeans on 11/26/2008:
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Grumpy - Monday Nov 24, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

I feel okay today.

B: elderberry juice 100

L: chicken panini, side of pasta salad 800

Candy bar (oops) 250

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

omahagrl on 11/24/2008:
Hey there sista! Hope your day gets better! Take time to think about the blessings in your life and you will start to see what is truly important. Giant ((((((HUGS))))) 4 U!

omahagrl on 11/24/2008:
BTW relationships are no different then the battles one may have with eating, drinking, gambling. Sometimes we have to really be able to make a choice before we can be successful. It takes 100% commitment before we can move in a new direction! Take your time and you will make the right choice!

skinnyjeans on 11/24/2008:
Glad you feel okay today. :)

loveray on 11/24/2008:
sending my love. xoxo

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/24/2008:
i am glad you feel ok. i hope you are more than ok, actually! be well grumpster.

Grumpy - Sunday Nov 23, 2008
(Counting calories, exercising and DD)
Weight: 172.8

Spent all weekend with J, and had a great time. eating was okay, not great, but i ate little. We had a good time but some issues, we talked some about them this morning and we decided to have a conversation tomorrow or tuesday. He asked me for a day or so to organize his thoughts. it wont happen, because he won't change in a day or two if he hasn't in a year or so.

I am sad, but i've been sadder than this. I am a little numb as far as breaking up with him goes. I love him, but I want a real relationship.


Hadn't have breakfast yet. Will update later.

Progress as of today: 29.2 lbs lost so far, only 22.8 lbs to go!

WI3 on 11/23/2008:
I wished I liked things like avocado and hearts of palms, it always sounds good but I dont' like it lol.

It seems like J can go for a while without you, and then when HE can't stand not having you around him showering him with ego-feeding adoration...he starts to push you away. Then he can go back out into the world and be 'the man' until he ends up alone and needs you back to make him feel good. He isn't making you feel good, you are making yourself feel good when you are 'allowed' to come back in his life and take care of him. Women like to take care of men. But women will only go so long before they realize that the guy they are with is a selfish ass who is just using the fact that the woman needs to be around him to feel complete and then when he has enough, he can call 'me time' or 'need to get my thoughts together' and push us away. This makes us feel like it is somehow our fault, that we somehow aren't cute, sexy, or good enough and THAT feeling is what keeps us going back..trying to make sure we do 'have it' but we are using a schmuck to measure ourselves with. Sometimes it isn't love that we feel that gives us that need to go back to the person..it is the need to make sense of it, to know that we are good enough...we go back seeking THEIR validation that WE are good enough. Truth be told, we are TOO GOOD for that type of person. We go back, they suck the life out of us, and when THEY are full, when THEY have been validated by our caring for them....they push us away and take what we gave them and give it away to people who don't really care about them. And when they are empty of ego or validation...yep, they call us 'good girls' back to build them up again. It isn't just a "J" thing either. It is a 'some guys' thing. Some guys aren't confident in themselves and need women to validate them, but they don't know what to do with us once they are validated. And they are too selfish to give anything of themselves back to us. Selfish is the word that comes to mind. Guys like that, they never change. And they never give to any woman, no matter what she looks like, anything of themselves unless it means that THEY get more back in return. And they go through women and eventually settle down with one only because they are afraid to be alone without someone feeding their ego all the time. Those women that end up with guys like that are not strong women, they are women who have such low self esteem that they need the little pats on the head or the constant 'work' of keeping someone like that happy. Unless your self esteem is so low that you need to forget all about you in order to make your entire world about him, you will never find what you are looking for with this guy. The longer you waste yourself investing in a guy who comes and goes at HIS whim who doesn't take YOUR needs into consideration...the bigger chance you take of totally missing the one man in the world who will make you happy forever. Love is not selfish..yeah, some guys need to be reminded about things sometimes..but personally, in my opinion, J is using you because you have a soft heart for him and YOU make HIM feel good. Once he is full of love for himself courtesy of you...then Manu gets put on the back burner and suffers greatly, while he spends time going out with other people until he no longer is full of love for himself. As you can see, NONE of these other women he goes out with is sticking around. Perhaps they can see what you can't. And when he runs out of ego, he comes back to you. He knows he can because he knows you suffer when you aren't with him and he knows you feel grateful and thankful when he returns. And he might not be doing it maliciously, but he is doing it. Come on, this long he has been around and he still needs time to think?? He's sleeping with you, going on trips with you, hanging out with you and your friends and family, you've broke up with him, gone back to him, and he still needs to push you away and 'think'?? I say give him the rest of his life to think and find you a man who KNOWS what he wants and doesn't feel the need to push and pull you to try and figure himself out. J isn't strong enough for you. I say, tell J that YOU have thought about it and YOU want a real relationship and obviously it won't be with HIM. There is no shame in telling a guy that you have THIS MUCH invested in, that you want something back in return. It isn't selfish and it isn't a 'deal breaker'. If you walk away from him forever, what are you really losing out on?? A guy who comes and goes? A guy who makes you feel good one day and then destroys you the next? And HE isn't even the one making you feel good by anything he says or does. It is YOU making yourself feel good because you feel you have him. And then he doesn't have any problem letting you know that you don't. He has way too much control over all of this and your desires are not being taken care of. You have left him many times for the same thing...you want a relationship and he isn't sure. You give him time to 'think' he wiggles his finger and you go back full of hope and thinking this is finally it..and a few weeks later....he pushes you away again. Who really NEEDS that in their life to feel complete? You see some good things in him and you are trying to force them to be what you are looking for...and you are trying to manipulate the situation in order to make it what you want. And no matter what you try, it isn't what you want. And THAT is going to take chunks out of your self esteem and your joy. Stop giving him your life. He is not worth it and I don't know hwo much clearer he can be in showing you that he doesn't want a life with you. He wants you because you make him feel good. He cannot reciprocate. He might not be a 'bad' guy..but he sure doesn't seem like the guy YOU are looking for. So stop trying to be what HE wants...and go find what YOU want. You will find someone who clicks and then you will kick yourself in the butt for wasting as much time on J as you have. But I will say that you going back and forth with J has probably taught you a lot about what you are looking for. So there is something good that you can take from it. Don't leave because you feel defeated, leave because you know what you want and he isn't it. =)

thinnside40 on 11/23/2008:
Meg & I just toasted us a glass of Emergen-C and I thought about you..... I had to "compete" with her to get it down, but she did it!.. Nothing like a mother's reverse psychology tactics... hehehehhe

SOrry hun that you are going through all of this *J* up/down, but I do think it will make you a stronger woman in the next relationship you have.... whether it be with him or someone else down the road... Your a "catch" and someone will be so fortunate to have you as their friend, partner & true soul-mate....

Good week ahead my dear, even if YOU have to make it that way..... Happy thoughts!

thinnside40 on 11/23/2008:
Well, you can't say you haven't given it 110%, nor didn't communicate what you NEED... That is alot more than some women do and suffer a long time for NOT stepping up & admitting what they are worth in a relationship.. I know it is hard and to tell you that you will feel better is no consolation right now, but do know that it will get better as you resolve to yourself that it isn't going to be an equal contribution in order to make it work and satisfy what you both need....

He still may come around one day, but in the meantime, you can't sit around "waiting" if an opportunity knocks to..OPen the door! : o )

skinnyjeans on 11/23/2008:
I know everything will work out for the best...but dating is hard! I hope you and J resolve everything and live happily ever after! :)

abdab74 on 11/24/2008:
Aw, sweetie, I am sorry his first instinct was not what you has hoped (to declare his timeless devotion right there on the spot). I am proud of you for being realistic, for knowing your worth, and for being open-minded enough to give love as many chances as it might take until you are sure...I hope everything works out the way you want it, but if it doesn't just know that true love does exist, maybe not in the fairy-tale way we all dream of as little girls, but in little chunks of compromise and laughter. You'll get there one day. Kisses!!!!

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