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Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Feb 11, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Thrilling Thursday!

Billionaire owner of my company from CA is here in NY at our company today. I dressed up & wore makeup. Did my hair perfectly. Wish that I didn’t have the ONE HUGE UGLY pimple that is crusting over. I covered it with makeup but it still looks ugly. At least the rest of me….looks pretty perfect. J
 
Billionaire hardly ever comes here, so, I know I had to dress up. I actually thought he was coming yesterday, so I tried to dress up yesterday too lol, so now I had my second shot. I am wearing almost the same outfit but instead of a pink turtleneck, it’s a gray one. More professional today & it stands out less.
 
5:45am: 4 cups Kombucha 130, and coffee 70. 200.
10am: will be banana and a Quest bar microwaved 330 or so
1pm Lunch: Sardines maybe the whole package not sure 180, veggie 100s, ½ small avocado 150, around 450.
 
Total so far:  980, excellent.
 
4:45pm Snack before gym: high carbs – orange, sunflower chocolate bar and caffeine
7:30 / 8pm After gym: recovery aminos and some kind of different energy bar that I haven’tried yet that I’ll get from 7-11…sick of all the ones I have tried already for now.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 02/11/2016:
Occasionally, I break out if I eat chocolate and nuts together...I'd rather do without the nuts and eat plain chocolate, which doesn't seem to bother me. Hope you have a good day, HOP. :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
wow, you'd think it was chocolate and not the nuts! funny.


Duaa123. on 02/11/2016:
Have a great day

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
You too :)


OhioRaven on 02/11/2016:
I've seen your picture. It would take a lot more than a pimple to make you look bad. Have a great day, HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
Thank you for boosting my confidence this afternoon :)


innerpeace on 02/11/2016:
It probably doesn't look as bad as you say! My face breaks out regularly, I too old for this!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
same, it breaks out on the regular for me too. but I know part of the reasons why: stress, lack of sleep, too much caffeine.


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Feb 10, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

I work in a large office dominated more by males than females. They are noticing how strong my back is.  I get quick glances from some of them when they walk by!! hehehe. loving it.
 
1563 5-day average!
 
Doing exceedingly well this week after the long weekend. Taking care of myself. Eating healthy. Looking forward to another good day at work tomorrow, gym after, & moving thru Friday & getting my hair done after work! all good things. Saturday will be restful, at home, laundry...and not too much more!
 
Wednesday Food & Drinks:
Kombucha and later coffee 120
Oatmeal made with a mixed grains package, almond milk, 1 banana, and extra peanut butter 120.
Total before lunch: 540
Lunch: tofu 150, half small avocado 150, lots of cooked veggies 250? Total here: 550. Excellent.
 
Dinner: 2 eggs 150 & a ton of bok choy 150? & 2 fish oil pills 20 since I didn't have a ton of fat in this meal ...around 350.
 
total today: 1450. tired, ready for bed :) calories are nice & low how I want them!  Helps to just have a late breakfast at work! Works very nicely.
exercise: 20 min stroll after work since I was sitting all day.  good for blood flow! ankle not even bothering me now. it was a little weak during the walk but nothing major. honestly, I am happy.
 
 
It’s Wednesday & I’m still sick but feeling positive. I am so glad I am back on my positive outlook. I have a really bad pimple, huge, that I tried to cover up but still looks so bad…oh well. At least I feel happy with life!! Even my typical guy drama has me actually happy about the spin of the drama rather than anxious or frustrated over it (same guy as usual, the over 2-year person that is very wishy washy but I cannot blame him since I can’t change him or make up his mind for him!)
 
Everyone tells me to forget about him, but I just can’t. Honestly, I am being patient this time. I will wait for him to actually contact me back since I was the one who last did the contacting. 
 
I realize I have time since I am not interested in actually getting together with him till after the winter as my time is full of commitments right now anyways. Truth is, I would have been free Sunday (Valentine’s) to get together with him because I have Monday off for President’s Day.
 
But obviously he would not be happy about getting together Valentine’s. He knows I have a question to ask him, not about getting together, no, but I think he’s anxious even to call me back bc he probably thinks I want to get together then!
 
Lol…If I wasn’t sick, I may have tried harder to see him. But, then again, I don’t really care about getting together with folks right now as my eyes are laser-vision set on my fitness, losing this cold / virus, and weight loss. Especially these two weeks I am more determined because my sister’s bridal shower in February 20th right around the corner. Also I am very determined because this month I am closer to the wedding than I was last month. I am refocusing & in general being more strategic. I am learning what works & doesn’t in order to reach 115 lbs.
 
My weight is still steady around 118. It’s a bit of a plateau, but also it’s because calories aren’t being lowered enough. I’ve done a good job so far this week though. Definitely a nice dent in calories this week compared to the previous ones. I am on a roll. I know what I need to do. The motivation & determination are there. I’m exercising even though I am not feeling my best, but also watching & taking the steps to make sure I don’t get worse. I’m doing what I have to do. Being independent & single is helping me right now. 
 
It’s easier to reach difficult goals like this weight loss one when less things are preventing me from reaching it. Relationships and anything outside my personal realm will act as a preventer in this situation. Of course, I am still reaching out & contacting my friends, yes, but actually seeing them I am not. I have been seeing family most weekends for now.
 
My family & I have had to do a lot of work in preparations and shopping leading up to the wedding. This coming weekend, 3-day, I’m looking forward to relaxation at home. I think I’ll fully get over being sick by taking it easy. I am also getting my hair cut & keratin treatment Friday night after work. Massage on Monday for the day off. Gym Sunday. It’s enough…I plan to call my best friend & chat with her on the phone this weekend. But I’m keeping this weekend to relax by myself at home. It’ll be the last of long weekends for awhile.
 
At this moment, my eyes are on the prize and no man, person, or thing is going to prevent me from reaching my goals. Ever.  I can be very strong-headed, independent & motivated when I want something badly enough. And this is that time. But I am human, and I still want to reach out to the ones that support me. And this man is one of those people. He’s always supported me. This is another reason why I adore him.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 02/10/2016:
Great job! I hope you feel better soon.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
Starting to feel better for sure. Just want to rid myself of the dry cough that sometimes happens at work and in middle of the night. But i'm lucky. I was able to rest last week on Friday by staying home. It helped me a lot...

...and trying to get extra sleep is helping too.


grannyannie on 02/10/2016:
I won't say it's only 3 more pounds as I know exactly how you feel! You're not gaining and that's good. Relax!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/11/2016:
Yes, so true Annie. I am very happy about the maintenance part. It's showing me that I really was eating a lot before, compared to now in terms of calories. It's a big difference how much LESS i have to eat in order to weigh even 5 lbs less. Major difference. It's been a challenge but i'm starting to get used to it.


grannyannie on 02/11/2016:
Just 200 or 300 calories can make a big difference. It can be so frustrating at times.


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Feb 09, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Wednesday Morning Edit:

My life mantra is this: "You can accomplish anything you desire as long as you desire it strongly enough."  I will never change my opinion or beliefs regarding that statement. Trust yourself, put faith in yourself, and you will achieve your dreams.

(Still sick with mostly dry cough but getting better...working out so I may be slower my progress with the cold but I've only been sick for 1 week. Seems to take me usually around 2 weeks to get over things)

____________________________________________________

Terrific Tuesday !

6am: Kombucha 70
8am-10am: coffee with milk 60
10am: Oatmeal mix with almond milk, banana, peanut butter: 400
 
Total before lunch:  530 cal.
 
Lunch: half small avocado 150, cooked greens 100 at least, tempeh mix with tomato / tomato sauce (mock meat sauce for pasta that I bought last week and will not eat after today since I’m nervous to get myself sick off it, but it was good…) 200. Total here:  450-500 depending.
 
Total before end of workday: 1030 ! very good.
 
This week I am sticking with my goals very nicely. Feeling happy with myself. I am “adulting” well  (acting maturely & managing my weight loss goals well)…
 
 

Y Before gym: around 300 with caffeine big apple and small granola bar After gym: carb filled protein cookie 360 1690 at most. Quite excellent. Going to make this week a strong one with calories in gym. I am already over halfway there. Wednesday is day #5 of my average. Wow. Did good. 1592 4-day average. Very very good.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 02/09/2016:
Don't get all "Adult" on us too fast. Believe me. I've been there. Its No Fun. Have a great day, HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/10/2016:
Yes, you're right OR.


grannyannie on 02/09/2016:
Well done, but I agree with OR. Being a grownup isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/10/2016:
So right he is !!


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Feb 08, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Tuesday Morning Edit:

Lately, i'm taking sleeping pills on the regular. I'm taking the strong ones (Sleepinal) relatively early in the night so that I don't wake up drowsy. It's working very well. I'm getting more sleep. I'm going to probably continue this process for most of this week maybe. It's helping me feel better. I take the pill as early as 7:30pm or latest 8pm. I get tired now later on, like an hour or so later. And it helps me sleep in till after 5am. It's more sleep, needed sleep. I am feeling good this morning because of the good sleep. 

_________________________________________________

4:10pm on Mindfull Monday
Hi Everyone. Today is a good day back at work. My boss has been so very understanding. I am so lucky on this account that he likes me around so much! He gave me steady work & the time passed very quickly today.
 
Healthy eating today so far until the end of the workday:
 
6am: Kombucha 70
8am-10:00am: coffee 50
10am: oatmeal made with nuts and peanut butter and a banana 400
1:10pm Lunch: cooked kale 100 a sorta old mix of tempeh and tomato sauce / tomato that I bought last weekend that I will throw out after tomorrow lol 200 , and ½ avocado 160 460.
 
5pm: On drive home: orange 100

6:30pm: Dinner: first some Cooked veggies 100, then a protein pancake made with lil bit squash 40, oats 40, chocolate protein powder 90, 1 egg and 1 egg white 100, stevia, peanut butter and jelly on top 100 470. Total 1570, good!

1560 3-day average. I am doing extremely well. I realize I need the lower calories to lower my weight a little bit more. It's never been so clear to me (what I need to do to reach my goal) as it is now. I have tunnel vision to look a certain way at this wedding. I am so happy & proud of myself.

But also, I can feel my heart race as I right how proud of myself I am....I have to remember that i'm not anxious but excited. That I am proud, fully capable & that I should never, EVER, think my goals are out of my reach or that i'm not deserving of them. I can do this.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Awesome50 on 02/08/2016:
Glad to read you are feeling better! Sounds like you were successful shopping for dresses as well. Wonderful!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/09/2016:
yes. I am SO HAPPY that I have the dresses & everything is much more under control now! It's always a good feeling when you know you have accomplished something important to get done!


grannyannie on 02/08/2016:
Good eats! Well done. Have a great week.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/09/2016:
Thanks Annie :) Wishing you a wonderful week as well :)


cybermom4 on 02/09/2016:
Love how you always remind me to count calories. I skipped about a week and need to get back on track. Tuesday Feb 9 a new day!! :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/09/2016:
Yes, today is a new day :) It's actually my coworker's bday! yay.

Counting calories is the best way for me to be successful. It never disappoints. I can rely on counting to prove why or why not I am losing weight. :) happy to remind you. have a wonderful day Mom!


cybermom4 on 02/09/2016:
I never thought about that - I feel like I really have to reprogram my brain. I was doing real well with counting calories but I didn't 'own it' like you do. I know I am just starting out - and I have adopted your advice along the way and I have a new appreciation of veggies :-) and now calorie counting. I guess it is one little step at a time. And I must skip the scale as a guide and trust the little program we are building here. Have you ever done weight watchers or any other program that helped? You have so much experience.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/10/2016:
i'll write more to you when I have a little time to put all my thoughts down on here...

...needing to get ready this AM for work so now is not the time but I def wanted to acknowledge that I saw your comments!


Maria7 on 02/09/2016:
Yes, you can! :-D

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/09/2016:
thank you Lady M!


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Feb 07, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

2-day avg total: 1555. EXCELLENT, REALLY.

On facebook today, one of the fitness models wrote "You can achieve anything you want if you want it bad enough." Well, that's my motto. I am beginning to feel MUCH better. Still a bit congested but the sore throat is going away. I will definitely reach my weight goals for the wedding, because I know I can do it. I know what I am capable of. And this is within that range.

Go me!  So glad to feel better & less stressed right now. Feeling so much better than I did last week when I went home sick Thursday. I needed a day off & taking one was the best decision in the world. I feel so much better. If I need to take one more day in early March, I will.

Proud of myself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

In February, I'd like to make a dent in the scale & my weight. I want to lose around 2 lbs, getting me very close to 115. I'd like to see the scale start to say 117/116.

Hi All.

It's 2pm Sunday. All errands and laundry as been completed this weekend. Yesterday, I spent SIX hours in one huge clothing store with my mom. I found a dress for my sister's bridal shower as well as one for the rehearsal dinner the night before her wedding.

We also had a late lunch there at the store as well as bought some other things. I ended up opening a credit card with the store so that we could save an extra 15% on top of the 25% we received by using the Lord & Taylor card that day since there was already the 25% off sale for cardholders on most items in the store.

Also, my dresses were buy 1, get 1 50% off! Good deals. My mom treated herself to REALLY nice diamond earrings marked down to $388 from $1,500 because of additional deals and using my card. My mom will reimburse me for a lot of the items we got yesterday (including my dresses). I wish I could afford more for myself. I'm lucky my mom is helping me out so much!

I slept over my parents last night.  In the morning, I slept in a bit since I couldn't sleep all night & ended up reaching for a light sleeping pill around 5:30am and slept till around 9am.

Came home around noon and picked up some food for the week. I will not need to buy any food this week besides a rotisserie chicken.

Prepared for this week.

Still sick, but going to the gym for a workout soon.

9:30am: kombucha 60, later a chocolate 40. 100.

12:30pm: Miso soup with tofu maybe like 200?, cooked veggies & light sauce maybe like 200? 400

2:30pm-3pm before gym around 3:30pm: Large Navel Orange 100, Quest S'mores bar 200. and later energy drink and banana 120

total so far: 920 - I need to work on keeping calories lower...my weight is not going down at all because i'm not lowering my calories enough.

After gym: wanted something without volume. Not in mood for any veggies at all. Or anything really. More in the mood for fast carbs and protein so I had this "Peanut butter protein cookie." It's pretty high calorie but not really if you think of it as a meal. 420. and then I also had aminos in water with stevia bc they taste HORRIBLE. 20. total here 440.

total today: 1360, i'd like to keep it at this amount and go to bed early tonight. I will probably take a sleeping pill on the early side so I can continue to get some extra rest to get rid of the remaining congestion and sore throat.

I am beginning to have more energy again and not feel weak like I was. After the gym, I am surprisingly feeling BETTER. It was the right decision.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/08/2016:
Well done. Feel better soon! Good calories.


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Feb 06, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Morning :)

Extra sleep due to a much needed sleeping pill. I may take it a little often thru this weekend. Needing the extra rest right now.

7:30am: kombucha 80

9:45am Breakfast: oatmeal with coconut flakes and coconut water 190, 1/2 cup egg whites for added protein 60, peanut butter 120 & stevia. total 370 :)

total so far: 450.

Noon Granola bar 150

3pm Toasted roll with hair butter 200 at most, salad with some dressing 150-200, lots of roasted veggies 150 550 at most. While out shopping with mom.

Big, healthy dinner: 3/4 small avocado 300 at most, chicken prob 200 at most I hope, and salad with some vinegar and few olives and 3 shrimp 100 at least ... Total 600 maybe more.

1750 and walking around shopping all day. Fine :) maybe 1800. Still fine because today I ate healthy everything!!!

going home to go shopping with mom. bringing my laundry and also some food so I have more vegetables and don't have to worry about if my parents do.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

collegestudent on 02/06/2016:
Hi! I'm new to diatdiaries and really excited to be in the community:)

I have a question: when you eat oatmeal for braekfast do you get hungry/carb craving later? Usually I find myself hungry soon after oatmeal, or not hungry but just craving carbs in general...

Thanks!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/07/2016:
Actually, yes, I fully agree with you and usually YES oatmeal will just spark hunger like an hour or two after I eat it.

That's why I never eat it usually early in the morning. If I have it, I'll have it once at work or for late morning meal. BUT, I don't have plain oatmeal. Lately, the types I have include some nuts and unsweetened almond milk along with a tablespoon of peanut butter. For me, there MUST be fat in with the oatmeal (like nuts or nut butter or even butter) along with a little protein for me to be satisfied for like 3 hours after eating.

yes, I cannot eat just carbs and feel satisfied. it does get me hungry. But once in awhile, I want more carbs, especially a morning after working out, so i'll bring the oatmeal to work and maybe try to have it later in the morning so that when I do get hungry, it's lunchtime. :)


grannyannie on 02/07/2016:
Well done, HOP!

College, I eat porridge/oatmeal every morning and I find it keeps me fuller for longer than anything else.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/07/2016:
thanks Annie! You are so good with your porridge...I always have to add things to it, in order for it to fully satisfy me!


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Feb 05, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

9:30am: kombucha 110 like 3.5 servings

10:30am oatmeal made with coconut water 190, egg whites 60, peanut butter 100, and dried fruit 80, stevia. total here: 430, good.

12pm: chips 120, cabbage 80, lots of sautéed snow pea leaves with garlic 250 450 whoa.

Lunch and snacking: big orange 120, salad with a little dressing and chicken and olives 450. 570.

Actually a 10 min walk to put money on laundry card but relaxing on couch throughout the day all day. Office is only open weekdays while i'm at work and I needed to fill the card.

4:30pm protein bar 180

Bean chips, 1 1/2 servings. 170 cal.

1920 cal. - not sure what I will have later but it's a higher-calorie day. taking a break for now on calories. I would have liked my calorie average to stay within the 1700's but I just cannot deal with keeping low calories today.

Total today is 2040. 1827/day 7-day average. Decent. proud of myself for not eating more than necessary :)

____________________________________

Run down, sick, staying home today.

Had to skip a workout last night & was thinking to make it up today. But based on how I am feeling, I doubt I will get to the gym this afternoon. But, if I do feel better, i'll go. Partially the reason I feel so tired right now is from a sleeping pill that I took around 5:30am. It's a light kind of pill that only helps me get around 3 more hours of sleep which was very nice.  I am run down because I wasn't sleeping well for at least 2 weeks including not sleeping right even on the weekends.

I had no more days left, so I will NOT be paid for taking today off. I am so GLAD I am not at work. Believe me, I will NOT be missing this money. With tax season around the corner, I plan not to have to use ANY of my savings for any payments that I may need to make (need to have car light components repaired on Saturday and it will cost around $400 including service! around $250 for the parts & 150 SERVICE! crazy!). but like I said, if I wind up going up a little too much in spending using my credit card, i'll use some of my tax return when I get it to pay it off. NOT WORRIED. yes, it would be nice not to have to spend the tax return, but also, if I have to - so be it!

I have savings, but i'd rather not touch that account as it's important I continue to save and not use it. so when I get the tax return, i'll use some of it if I need to. If I am able to pay off the credit card slowly, i'll just do that. I may not need to touch my tax return & just move it all towards savings.

Sorry to go on a $ rant. It's what goes on in my head which is stressful. It's another reason i'm looking to leave this industry and enter NYPD. Salary would be same at first if I were to enter NYPD, but, it goes up substantially each year. Where I am now, it'll never go up unless I had much more education & training in the field that I am not very knowlegable or interested in. That's why I am looking to leave so badly from this job I have now.

Any days I take off thru April 1 will also be for NO PAY. New days begin April 1. and to boot, without my permission, when I was very sick in October, my boss decided to use THREE of these new days that start in MAY 2016 to pay me then. so, i'm already 3 days down out of 10 vacation days for 2016 and 5 sick days. all which start in April.

Blech. Nauseating to talk about any more than I did.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 02/05/2016:
Get some rest today.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/05/2016:
Thank you :)


grannyannie on 02/06/2016:
Hope you feel better. Rest up. Hope your weekend is good.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/07/2016:
:) Starting to feel better but having to let the bug I have run its course.


cybermom4 on 02/06/2016:
Sending you Well wishes!! Hoping the bug doesn't get you and that maybe some tea with honey will calm things down. I'm sorry about your sick day situation. I know that is tough. Companies can be very tough when figuring out what is fair. Sometimes the rules change all b/c 1 or 2 people abuse the system.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/07/2016:
It's not too bad a bug. But with such a busy weekend with my mom approaching (yesterday was very busy shopping for outfits for my sister's bridal shower & dinner the night before the wedding)...so, I was getting anxious throughout the week, feeling so run down...and then sick...and realizing I couldn't exercise. I was ready to do it on Friday but felt just so tired and weak.

So...I took the day off because I was just not feeling like myself. It was for being physically sick as well as feeling emotionally / mentally drained.

I do think that it's very difficult in the advanced world we live in today to care for your health and work...I just think life is too busy.


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Feb 04, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1791 6-day avg. good...

1100 thru lunchtime.

left work at 2pm. once again I am exhausted and sick. body is burned out. will not go to work tomorrow. deciding tomorrow if I will go to gym tomorrow.

4pm: plum 50, cabbage slaw salad 100, steamed squash 100, cooked cabbage with not too much sauce 100. total here: 350 or so. ohhh, and couple pieces of pork lol. 50.

total so far today: 1500, good.

6:30 - sautéed greens 150, yogurt 150

1800.

did all my laundry except sheets which I will probably do at my parent's house when I sleep over Saturday.

so happy I am home. so happy to do laundry now & not have to deal with it again till next weekend. or if I do decide to do any, it wouldn't be much.

so thankful I am taking tomorrow off (without pay) because I need this rest. I am starting to already feel a little better. ankle hurts more than usual, but the tension is subsiding. i'll go to bed soon after laundry is done & I read a little more. going to pick up a couple other books from library tomorrow as well. I want my ankle to feel better and I know my body will feel a bit better by afternoon so I can exercise.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/05/2016:
Rest up! Take care of yourself.


Awesome50 on 02/05/2016:
Rest up and enjoy your weekend!


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Feb 03, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

5-day calorie avg: very good - brought it down to 1790/day.

Little sick with minor body aches and a sore throat. Might have had a fever on & off today but hardly thankfully. Run down. Lack of sleep finally caught up & I got sick. But I have things to take & help me get better. I am at least prepared with Tylenol and probably i'm taking a sleep aid tonight to ensure I get some much needed sleep. very run down.

My goal to get to 115 is sort of depressing me right now. Annoyed with my life that it's on hold. I can't think till after this wedding is over. I'm putting too much pressure on myself. It's almost debilitating.

But how can I give up now. I can't. 

Happy Wonderful Wednesday!
So I can make myself feel happy just by writing happy things.I can change my mood if I just tell myself all is good right now. My anxiety takes over and I think too much about the future and what is wrong and how am I gonna get there. But that’s poor thinking on my part.
To be honest, things are alright right now. I have my challenges which are messing with my emotions but I am succeeding with flying colors with the additional challenges in my life right now. So, I knew this was going to be a hard winter for me. And I am making it thru. I just had a half smile even writing this now at 9:15am at work. There’s a payoff to wanting to achieve greatness. I am making every sacrifice that I can. It’s hard. But this period of solace and most of my time either spent alone or only with my family is going to end. There’s a light at the end of this dark, congested, stuffy tunnel. That’s how life feels for me right now. Nothing new or exciting. Constant prep on weekends with my mom (who I owe so much thanks to for helping me so much as she works full time too and she’s devoting so so so much of her time to me!).
6am: kombucha 70 and extra amino acids 40
Work: coffee with extra milk and 2 candies 140
Later Morning: Oatmeal with almond milk 160, banana120, chocolate peanut spread 120.
Total here: 650, good.
Lunch: healthy again. Around a pound of heavily roasted veggies 400 or so and some lettuce and little bit of that nasty egg tofu. 500 overall.
After work: seltzer and a plum 50
Dinner: healthy. some chicken breast 250 at most, some broccoli raab with garlic 150 at most and another plum 50. total: 450.
total today is good: 1650 - not much appetite as I really am a little bit sicky. no exercise at all.
Planning on reading tonight & relaxing my mind. This is my plan for tonight, Friday night, Saturday night & some of Sunday. I just want to read, relax, and take a break from the real world for a little while. Reading many times is my escape from reality. I am happy to go home tonight & pick up that escape. And relax. And be alone. And rest. I am very tired. But I am forgetting about it, moving forward, regrouping. I CAN DO THIS.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 02/03/2016:
Keep it positive - negativity has never been productive in life plus it uses a lot of energy. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2016:
this is why I need DD. for your insight and support :)


Duaa123. on 02/03/2016:
You looks positve and I like how you are fighting ,, ti is good about relax ... we really need for this ,we need to cut ourselves from this busy live at least hlaf hour ! Keep u going

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2016:
thank you very much :) I am debating taking Friday off in order to get everything done. If I am feeling better by then, I won't need to. Just gonna relax tonight :)

Thanks again for the compliment :) I am a fighter.


grannyannie on 02/03/2016:
Feel better soon! Don't stress yourself too much. I know, easier said than done. Take it easy.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/04/2016:
Thanks Annie, debating taking Friday off. Although I will lose a day's pay, I think I need the day. I would go to the gym Friday instead of tonight. And get more much needed sleep tonight.

Also Friday I could get my laundry done. And have a better weekend with family Saturday...

Not handling life well and can't seem to keep with my 3x a week gym routine....this is why I want to take Friday off - so I don't have to go tonight.


cybermom4 on 02/04/2016:
Great motivating post - I love to journal and have found that to be very soothing. What are you going to read this weekend? Do you have a fav author? Myself - I will read children's books. Middle school age or High school - One series I haven't had success with is the Hobbit. I have tied to read that many times but have failed. Not sure why - but if you really want a fun kid's series try Redwall - or Mara, Daughter of the Nile. Both are really good - but I guess you might something more adult :-) Anyway - I was just thinking of escaping and those two came to mind !

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/04/2016:
Awww, thank you, I'll have to look into those books.

If you want something really good, try the Harry Clifton Series Books...there's like 6 in total. I even sometimes find them in large print at my library which makes for even easier reading. they are great stories. I am up to I think book #3 in the series. Very enjoyable - my dad got me into those.

In general though, I like to escape thru reading romance novels. I find my library has a great assortment to choose from. But the one I am reading now, i'm not impressed with. Usually I love the books but this one is slow moving. Is ok though - I am sure it will get better!

Yes, journaling is soothing to me to. And this is such a special place for me because not only can I write about the truth and wants on my mind and going on in my life, but I actually get feedback and support from you & the other DDers. I tend to reach out here more when I cannot talk to others about what I am going thru. It's usually when I truly need other ears.


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Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Feb 02, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

 1825cal/day 4 day average. EXCELLENT.

Happy Groundhog Day yay!
3-day avg cals thru Monday: 1916/day.good.
6am: kombucha 70
Breakfast at work / midmorning snack: oatmeal with almond milk 160, banana 120, chocolate peanut spread 100. 380. And coffee with extra milk 80 460.
Having hungry days but now I’m going to fight them like Pauline Nordin does. Look her up.  She is my absolute favorite role model. My determination right now is strong to be my best. I am stressed but it’s worth the challenge to push myself HARDER. I do not care - I am not giving up on myself ever again.
In terms of hunger though, I couldn’t sleep all night. Many things on my mind and usually I’d reach for carbs to eat to go back to sleep. I was able to go back to sleep without eating, yes, but was waking up every hour all night long.
Lunch :weird tofu made with egg that has a flavor that is makes me very full & very fast 70, tons of roasted vegetables (close to a pound) 350 and some salad 30. Total: I doubt more than 450.
Total: around 980, good. Probably gonna reach for some chai tea soon. Very tired days, not getting near enough restful sleep.
Before gym: big apple, and a sunflower butter / chocolate bar. ENERGY drink around half of it. 250.
After gym: amino acids in some water for muscle recovery, and a recovery bar 300.
Total today: approx. 1550 - Excellent. I'm making good choices.
I wasn't even very hungry today. I want to be successful so badly this winter. It's my biggest priority (being toned and 115lbs).

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 02/02/2016:
Good luck with your sleep.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/02/2016:
Thanks, much appreciated. :)


grannyannie on 02/03/2016:
Good job on the food. Hope you get more sleep tonight.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2016:
Thanks Annie :-) doing a little better after my quiet silent cry at my desk this morning.


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