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Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Feb 02, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

 1825cal/day 4 day average. EXCELLENT.

Happy Groundhog Day yay!
3-day avg cals thru Monday: 1916/day.good.
6am: kombucha 70
Breakfast at work / midmorning snack: oatmeal with almond milk 160, banana 120, chocolate peanut spread 100. 380. And coffee with extra milk 80 460.
Having hungry days but now I’m going to fight them like Pauline Nordin does. Look her up.  She is my absolute favorite role model. My determination right now is strong to be my best. I am stressed but it’s worth the challenge to push myself HARDER. I do not care - I am not giving up on myself ever again.
In terms of hunger though, I couldn’t sleep all night. Many things on my mind and usually I’d reach for carbs to eat to go back to sleep. I was able to go back to sleep without eating, yes, but was waking up every hour all night long.
Lunch :weird tofu made with egg that has a flavor that is makes me very full & very fast 70, tons of roasted vegetables (close to a pound) 350 and some salad 30. Total: I doubt more than 450.
Total: around 980, good. Probably gonna reach for some chai tea soon. Very tired days, not getting near enough restful sleep.
Before gym: big apple, and a sunflower butter / chocolate bar. ENERGY drink around half of it. 250.
After gym: amino acids in some water for muscle recovery, and a recovery bar 300.
Total today: approx. 1550 - Excellent. I'm making good choices.
I wasn't even very hungry today. I want to be successful so badly this winter. It's my biggest priority (being toned and 115lbs).

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 02/02/2016:
Good luck with your sleep.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/02/2016:
Thanks, much appreciated. :)


grannyannie on 02/03/2016:
Good job on the food. Hope you get more sleep tonight.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2016:
Thanks Annie :-) doing a little better after my quiet silent cry at my desk this morning.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Feb 01, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

total today is around 1650, good. 

Everything healthy really. overall, a healthy day.

Just very tired overall in the afternoon because I was up tossing & turning last night...I think because it was too warm. in my bedroom.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

February 1st, 2015: Today is a very special day. I made it to 5 years in the union.
Now, no matter what, I will receive a pension. Even if I were to leave my job (or rather, the union) today, no matter what, based on the hours & time I have put in, I will be fully compensated for my work here at this job. I am proud of myself no doubt. I feel it was a challenge to make it this far. I feel I succeeded and did the past I can up to this point. I am very proud of myself.
6am: Kombucha 70
8:30am: Raspberry White Chocolate Quest Bar 200, coffee 50. Later: banana 130. another bar, natural type and low sugar. nuts mostly. 200
Total thru lunch: 520
Healthy lunch: tofu made with egg 70, salad 20, banana 120, roasted butternut squash 180 total: around 400. And tea. Really, really tired.
Total so far: around 900 J this could also be a reason why I am so tired (low cals, low carbs)
.
I want to make today a fully low-cal day. I need a string of good days following this past weekend. I can do this. 3 weeks till my sister’s bridal shower. 2 months until her wedding. I am now at the final stretch to her shower. 3 weeks is a nice stretch of time to think about.
And then the wedding. After the shower, her wedding is 6 weeks away still. But only 5 weeks till my week off thankfully. I can do this. I can get there. 
I do feel a lot of stress right now. It’s a challenge for me to keep my life going and keep positive despite a lack of social life with my friends. Also, my romantic life is really on hold more than I would like right now.  Everything feels on hold while I am busy with family stuff most weekends & also making sure to continue with my workouts, not skipping any of them until the wedding is over. I am doing a good job.  
Life is give & take.  I’m giving more right now than I’m taking.
I am doing all I can do. I do realize one thing though – I am not able to push myself any further right now. I have reached the point where I know my limits. And I feel good with what I’m able to achieve and based on the article in my previous entry – I encourage you all to read it, it’s very educational and helpful – based on the article I know that I need to move ahead as I am & without changing or altering goals right now.
I am doing good based on what I know is possible. Anything more will definitely be too much. I am satisfied with achieving what I know is possible for me now. And I’m leaving it this way. My goals are not going to change, I don’t foresee anyways, for the next couple months.
I definitely feel this is the long haul, like I said “final stretch,” until her big day. I’ve already completed my goals 50% as 50% of the winter is OVER already.
I couldn’t have asked for better weather. So far, it’s been unseasonably warm for the most part making it a lot easier to feel good and get things done.
I have 50% left of winter & wintertime goals to manage myself through it. I like how I wrote “manage myself” because that’s exactly how I feel. I feel as though I am my own trainer / manager / motivational speaker. I have done it all myself in terms of inspiration and motivation. I chose this challenging path these 4 months.
I am going to continue to think positive & make myself the best “Jackie” I can be for this wedding. I am so dar* proud of myself thus far. I could never give up on myself now.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Awesome50 on 02/01/2016:
Congrats on your 5 year Union milestone mark!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/01/2016:
Thanks, A-50!


innerpeace on 02/01/2016:
Great job on getting vested,


cybermom4 on 02/01/2016:
Congratulations!!! :-)


grannyannie on 02/01/2016:
Congrats! You're never too young to think about pensions.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jan 31, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Amazing Article for Motivation and a guide to winning at weight loss:

http://jamesclear.com/undefined/sun-tzu-habits

Feelings about my progress in January now that it is over:

Overall, January was extremely successful. I maintained a lower weight of 118. I maintained lower calories overall during all weeks in January. I was able to splurge a little but still maintain lower calorie counts.

I did all workouts, skipping none. I spent far less time with friends and more time with family. I made it work.

I had some dilemmas in the male category which will remain that way thru winter. this is fine, because I am too busy to really deal with the issues anyways.

February will be similar to January. It will definitely be busy. I will be spending time more with family. I have my sister's bridal shower in just 3 weeks, actually in NYC.

Lots to do. I am happy about also a 3-day weekend for President's Day in 2 weeks. This helps me a little bit to get thru this next month with a little more relaxation maybe.

Also, after February is March. March will be similar to February & then I will take the week off leading up to my sister's wedding :-)

I am glad my mom has been so helpful - she's actually paid for just about everything in terms of my dress and shoes for this wedding. She's been very good to me. I wish I could have afforded to pay for these things myself, but she's helping me with these additional expenses which would have added up & I would have had to use savings and/or my tax return to pay for the items come April. So, really thankful my mom is helping me out.

Other than that, that's really it for now. Just getting thru the winter. Spending little time with friends if any. Mostly with family for this whole month so far. Low-key & trying to get everything done. Keeping with my workouts. trust me, this is more than enough right now!

______________________________________________________________

 

My weight is still 118.  It is not going to go down unless I really limit calories. I am doing what I can now & proud of myself for maintaining 118. Really, I'm doing very nicely. So I'll continue to stick with my plan for the month of February. Very proud of myself.

February - I have the continued goal from January. To NOT skip any of my 3x a week workouts. To continue to work on my sleep. To care for myself. And to eat better - really it's about the calories. I am doing great & look forward to a continuation of January into February.

___________________________________________________

Morning entry, 10am:  :)

Ate what I brought for breakfast at my parents house - entire bag of cooked cranberries and a full fat Greek yogurt. 400 cal.

My plan is food shopping for the week, relaxing back at home in my apt, and gym. I don't think much else. Legs sore from walking in mall yesterday. My legs are really very out of shape. And ankle is still a bother. But it's working out.

Afternoon edit, 2pm: 

Well, I did a little extra despite my feelings that I didn't want to. I was near the beach, picking up some food this late afternoon & actually stopped by the BEACH! Yes, it's wintertime, but, it's a sunny, "warm," winter day. There were a lot of people walking on the beach boardwalk as it's extremely residential over there.

On my way home, after the beach, like an hour drive back to Queens, I drank a kombucha. also had a couple mint dark chocolates - one before and one after my short walk on the boardwalk.

I probably only spent around 20-30 minutes tops around the boardwalk area. Some of it sitting & using bathroom lol. I only went because I was close by and was very tempted because it was so sunny.

I would have walked more but my ankle is weak and I cannot push too much. I'll be going to the gym later & i'll make sure to use my ankle brace.

12pm Kombucha & chocolates 150.

1:30pm late lunch all healthy: leftover sardines 100, 1/2 avocado 150, almost a pound of heavily roasted veggies (def more oil than I like but tasty) 350? total here: 600, fine.

gym not yet, but definitely this afternoon. I may read a little. Was gonna do laundry, but don't want to be getting up & down all afternoon. Just wanna rest before the gym :-)

Before gym: banana, during gym chocolate. 150.

Dinner: Bigger protein "cookie" lots of carbs which is good, some protein, some fat. 400

total today: 1700. EXCELLENT. 1900, had a bit of roasted butternut squash because I couldn't sleep. tomorrow, I can tell, I'm going to have to increase my protein so I can be more satisfied.

2-day total: 2050/day

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 01/31/2016:
That's a lot of cranberries! Sounds like a good plan for the day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/31/2016:
yes, a bit much as it does add up in sugar. Actually, I ate around 1/2 before I went to pick up newspapers, then had the other half with my full fat greek yogurt afterwards :-) still a lot of sugar, but nice. lots of fiber too.


Duaa123. on 01/31/2016:
Very good calories for whole the day.. keep going and drink more water to help losing fat..

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/31/2016:
I will be eating more, but still will keep calories very reasonable! :-) good idea with the water for sure!


cybermom4 on 02/01/2016:
Love how you summarize your month. That can be very motivating for the next month. I keep track of my aqua therapy for my dr and it is rewarding to see that I have gone to exercise 2x per week. It would be a good goal it increase to 3x. You must be incredibly organized.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/01/2016:
Awww, thank you. I don't usually summarize my months but i'm doing everything I can to stay on track particularly this winter because I have my sister's wedding in early April!

Going to your aqua exercise 2x a week is excellent. Even if you try some weeks at 3x and alternate weeks at 2x, that would be a nice challenge for sure. Sometimes, 3x is a struggle for me. My challenge this winter is not to skip, no matter what.

I am decently organized. I am most organized in what is truly important to me in life. It's the fitness and weightloss that is most important & I try to control them like so many people do when other parts of life are difficult - if you know what I mean.

and this winter, the goal is in fitness & toning as much as I can. because of the wedding in spring.

thanks for the nice compliments and motivation to stay on track. I enjoyed reading your comment.

More on being organized, it's also me being prepared. I've learned that the only way to reach these goals is to be prepared. and very focused. Almost with a laser-beam focus in my case. Because what i'm doing now - with not skipping gym & learning to eat a lower calorie amount - it's out of my comfort zone. But i'm rising to this challenge! I'm learning now at 33 that it's still very possible. Everything is always possible.


grannyannie on 02/01/2016:
Good plans. Love how you think things through in an organized way. Well done on maintaining the weight.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jan 30, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Saturday. Woke up early not even 5am, so, I had to take a light sleeping pill. If I didn't, I feel I wouldn't have gotten more much-needed sleep. It helps me to get some extra sleep on weekends since I generally don't get enough during the week. I fell back asleep close to 6am and slept till around 9:30am which was good. Just a little groggy now so drinking some diet coke since that's all I was in the mood for after breakfast. 

Going home to parents today. We have to take photos of our cars and I need to go with my mom to find shoes for the wedding. I told them i'd be home by 11am but then texted them that it would have to be 11:30am. too much going on...and need my sleep on the weekends...weekends are for recharging.

anyways,

Early at 5am: 2 bottles kombucha 140 (4 cups)

Big Breakfast around 10:30am: oatmeal with coconut water 200, lots of chocolate peanut butter spread 200, stevia, egg whites 3/4 cup around 100. total is 500, good.

total so far: 650 or so, excellent.

Lunch: 2 fried eggs 200, toast with butter 200, salad 100 500. And pretzels was hungry. 100. Home with parents.

1250...

Plum and peanut butter 150

1400...

2200 or so today. Fine.

Exercise: walking around mall with mom looking for shoes. Found them in a store by my parents house. Shoes were cheap. $40.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/30/2016:
Enjoy your time at your parents.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jan 29, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Friday!

This coming Monday, 2-1-16, I will have been in this Union for 5 years! This is a major accomplishment because if you are in the union at least 5 years, you are eligible to receive a pension no matter what! It means that even if I leave the union anytime after 5 years, I will at least always be entitled to a pension when I am 65 based on the time I did put in here at this job. It means that all my hard work & hours worked didn't go to waste.

When I was in teaching, as a teacher, I quit before 5 years. I taught a total of 4 years and only 3 were in the public school union. Therefore, I didn't get the pension. All my hard work for those 4 years as a teacher was wasted.  When I am 65, those four years will not be recognized.

But in the electrical industry now, when i'm 65, I will be credited. I am proud of myself to have gone thru these 5 years at this job. It was such a challenge. I am confident if I can last here, I can last anywhere!

Next up is my plan to be an NYPD officer. That is also a union with good pension.  I will do that job up until the age I do retire. I plan to enter the NYPD academy in around 1-2 years from now. I'll be 34 years old. And retire around 60.

6am at home: Kombucha 100 (slightly over 2 cups)
8:30am at office: Coffee with milk 50, oatmeal with some pumpkin seeds and coconut water 180
(coconut water because I ran out of bananas and I have many cartons of coconut water in my apt from summer that I should use up!). May take a break from bananas until I use the coconut water up. Coconut water is lower in calories, also.
11am Later morning snack: Quest Bar 200
1:15pm Lunch: Awesome change of pace! Leftovers from a luncheon and also some marinated veggies that I bought at the supermarket. Pint of marinated veggies around 200 cal. Luncheon meats 200. Some really tasty Italian bread 200. Total 600.
1100 before end of workday = super duper. I plan to keep cals right around 1750 for today & that means I’ll also end the week at 1750. This is good for some weightloss, for sure. Little walk at lunch, also, just around 10 min on my feet with coworker. We went to supermarket down the block really quickly!
Big dinner, but spread out over 2 hours: brocc raab with lots of garlic 200, leftover sautéed watercress 50?, grilled veggies 50 with olives 50, chips 130, yogurt 170: 650, good. on track!
total today: 1750!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY GOOD!
7DAY AVG: 1758 CALS. WAY BETTER THAN LAST WEEK. Around 500 cals less overall than last week. Although it doesn't sound like much, 500 calories is 1/7 or 15% of a pound. So...any loss is good....any decrease in calories I will take. Proud of myself.
For February, since it's a short month, I'm going to make sure I maintain focus. just 2 months until the wedding on 4/2! To tell you the truth, this winter is moving along faster than I thought!
Other thoughts regarding the month of January, which is basically over already!:
1. I kept my goals & didn't skip any gym days this month!
2. Things are the guy front are going pretty well
3. I'm generally happy but tend to lose myself in negative thinking towards the second half the work week when i'm not sleeping enough throughout the work week. I need to try to fix this a little bit. Because by being so tired, I get in a very upset mood at work I have noticed.
4. Although the winter is a challenge, I'm definitely doing very well. I'm keeping my end of the bargain
5. Still some left ankle pain. But, I'm keeping a mental focus. Will be stretching more, since i'm slacking on it.
6. Just overall very proud of myself. I am doing well.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 01/29/2016:
Though you only spent 4 years teaching, it was by no means a waste of time. Think of all the little minds you inspired and taught and did good for. Great job on your calories.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/29/2016:
Yes, you are right. I was only saying that because I didn't work 5 years, all the hard work I did do in my teaching years will not be compensated for when I retire. If I had put in at least 5 years, I would get something when I turn 65.

I value the 4 years I spent in teaching & I feel I was a good teacher for a newcomer. I had a lot to learn as I was young right out of the gate. But I know in my heart I could have been successful at it. I gave it up too soon I do not see myself ever going down the teaching path again.


grannyannie on 01/30/2016:
I was eligible for a pension when I worked at a state university after 5 years. I worked there 9 1/2 so at age 60 I started getting a pension from them....not big but they all add up! Some think they are too young to even think about pensions, but I'm glad my husband always did and that I started to in my 40's. We now have 6 pensions between us!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/30/2016:
Wow...that's a lot of different pensions! Glad i'm not the only one! I would have also ended up with 3 pensions if the teaching was 5 years! I'll end up with 2 - one from electrical industry & one from NYPD :-D Thanks for info!

I haven't been saving a lot or putting a lot in my 401k this year because I stopped working overtime. If I get a raise (hoping for a $10k raise) i'll be placing the equivalent to the raise weekly in my 401k. Saving for the future is a must :-)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 28, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1760 6-day average = excellent. My goal is good = keep the average around this much for a 7-day average once Friday is complete. Last Friday I indulge, but today (Friday)I think I can do it :-)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Thursday:

am at home: Kombucha 120 (3 servings = 3 cups)
8:30am at office: Coffee with extra milk 100, Quest Bar 160, Banana 120
Great lunch: sardines ½ package 90, lots of avocado 240, and lots of sautéed watercress with garlic! 150 at least. Total here: approx. 500. Excellent.
Total before snack before gym: 1,000.
Snack before gym: will be a Snickers bar!!!! Because someone gave it to me. And maybe also a big apple! And caffeine.
1400 before gym!
After gym: a satisfying higher sugar and nice amount of protein bar (actually it's called a protein cookie). 360 cal.
total today: 1760. and gym was remarkable. I actually lowered the weights on the assist pull-up machine because I wanted to extend my range of motion. I was having so much fun, I felt like a young kid working out last night. Caffeine and carbs helped, a lot.
 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/28/2016:
Well done! Have a healthy day.


OhioRaven on 01/28/2016:
Have a great day, HP.


innerpeace on 01/28/2016:
You have probably said before, but once more can you tell me what Kombucha is?

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/29/2016:
it's a fermented drink that is slightly carbonated and usual contains trace amounts of alcohol. They brand I drink is also naturally caffeinated. Kombucha is very good for stimulating digestion and acts similar to having yogurt for probiotics or warm water with lemon / apple cider vinegar or even has the same effects of coffee on an empty stomach. (makes you poop). it's good to drink in the morning first thing.

google kombucha for more info.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/29/2016:
also, the brand I drink does contain sugar. I don't make it at home like I should. I may look into the process for later. I drink a commercialized kombucha. still a lot less sugar than fruit juices. and I love it's effect in the morning of clearing out my digestive system completely before work. I drink usually at least 1 full bottle and sometimes more depending on that time of the month because few days before my period, weirdly, I need more of a push because I tend to get very bloated and constipated and the kombucha ends up pushing everything forward which is FANTASTIC. sorry for the detail, but the drink is amazing in the morning!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 27, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

 

Wednesday! Week is a long one, but feeling positive about it.
6:00am Early Morning: Kombucha 120 & one candy while at work 30. 150
9am or so at work: coffee half reg half decaf 50 at least (lotta milk)
200…
….Oatmeal with big banana and almond milk / sunflower seeds: 300 or so.
 1010 after a healthy lunch... half avocado, teriyaki tofu & lots of sautéed greens with garlic.
total not more than 1700, could have been less, but healthy.
also, around a 20 minute walk overall. 10 at lunch, 10 before dinner. excellent.
ankle is still weak but not getting worse at all. just stiff. I need to continue to stretch it.
overall, i'm definitely feeling good & maintaining it. getting sleep helps.
sleep has been much better although I still wake in middle of the night since it's become habit lately. but, I am able to get back to sleep.
I can't complain, life is definitely pretty good.
work is weird. lots of people losing jobs (mostly the administrators, not the low guys on the totem pole like myself - so this is good!) anyways, today will be interesting as there is going to be a huge meeting with all the big shots that are left. and the most important man there is the one who bought out my company. I think he may be a billionaire...I googled him 1x....I will google again when I have time, it's not that important. the man is VERY RICH & has no patience for the little guys. He's ALL BUSINESS. and doesn't seem to have a nice personality. He lives in California, I do not see him often in our office.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/27/2016:
Very healthy meals.


Awesome50 on 01/28/2016:
Glad to see overall you are feeling good. Keep up your hard work!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 26, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Tuesday:

Mouse got into my food in my desk at work (totally sealed things!) and left it's poop.

 

SO GROSS! so I cleaned it all up...and will not have this happen again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6am at home: Extra Kombucha again, but it works 120 (3 servings)
8:30am & thru Morning at work: regular coffee 30, 300 oatmeal w/ banana (healthier than the bars and junk…always feel better when I have oatmeal & this type as added a little bit of healthy fats / protein too)
1pm big lunch: Chips that boss gave me lol in attempts to get me fat and I gave in! 280, sardines 180, lots and lots of salad and greens (very filling omg – good )250-300 total here around 750 at most. GOOD.
1200 or so, good.
total today: 1860, not bad :-)
excellent workout as well. :-) caffeine is what helped, majorly. when I drink it, my workouts are on fire. that's why I don't want to stop!
As far as parking went, I got lucky! Got a great spot on the street where the meters are for 2 hours. Was awesome, I was lucky to grab that spot.
 ________________________________________
 
Looking forward to gym tonight. Parking will probably be a challenge as there’s lots of snow in the street. I may opt to park in a drug store parking lot, doubt they’d tow me. Or, I’ll look for a spot & if I don’t find one, use the Rite Aid drug store lot…gotta do what I got to do & not going to skip the gym during this winter if I can help me. So, let the obstacles continue (Mother Nature) if they must, but I will still make my way to the gym….!
 
_______________________

 

Lately, I feel overtired & that I need a lot more sleep. I sorta get it. But at work, it seems each day is running into the next. I’m happy that next month we have another 3-day weekend. Looking very forward to March & the week off I’m taking. I may even take an extra day past the 5 days so that I’m off the Friday leading into that week. I just don’t care…It’ll be around 6 months from my last vacation, so the break will be nice. Any money lost I’ll use some of my tax return since I will not be paid for that week I plan to take. Used up my vacation when I was sick in mid September to mid October…
 
But a vacation of a week off will be nice in March. I’ll make sure to get in some good exercise. And I realize, in March, I can take alternate days if I want to….like some the week of the wedding & some the week before which may be better. To make sure to get in workouts & such….I’ll see as the time comes closer exactly what I need to do.
 
And now I look forward to the time after the wedding, when I will be in NYPD prep. As in, prepping myself for the academy of either January 17 or July 17. July 17 is more reasonable, but January 17 may be an option depending if I can get my ankles / legs strong enough for January which is only 11 months away. I do feel better these days. Still needs some work, but I do feel better day by day.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 01/26/2016:
Good luck on finding a parking place. I would hate not have enough designating parking for the gym. Hope you don't get towed.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/26/2016:
good usually to find parking, just bad with so much snow piled up everywhere!! :)


Donkey on 01/26/2016:
We have mice friends at my work too. They knocked over SEVERAL boxes of holiday chocolates off of the filing cabinet. And left pee and poo to clean up. It was fun to come to work and find a box and candy wrappers all over the floor (this happened 3 times -- then we ran out of chocolate). You never know when you're going to come to work and find a pile of crumbs on the floor by your desk -- and you don't have anything at your desk that would leave crumbs. Oh yeah...


grannyannie on 01/27/2016:
Oh gag, mice poop! Have a good day.


cybermom4 on 01/27/2016:
Great post!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jan 25, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Tuesday Morning:

Thankful for a safe apt and warm heat and all the good that I have in my life.

Finally, as I was driving home last night around 6pm onto my block, snow plows (HUGE tractors!!!) were plowing my block. Still work needed to be done 6pm yesterday. Good thing is it should be easier driving to work today & when I get into Ozone Park where I work, I will stay off the side roads as much as possible (made a mistake coming home yesterday when there was a stuck car & I turned down an unplowed block. Today I plan on a much easier commute....and parking for gym should be INTERESTING!).

Planning on gym after work for sure - it will definitely be a challenge parking-wise, unless the streets have been plowed better overnight. Not a lot of parking around gym - no lot - only street parking...looking forward to gym, very much. I am glad I didn't skip it on Sunday!

______________________________________________

Monday evening:

happy to be safe and back home.

Exercise: 10-15 min walk on well-shoveled sidewalk areas

calories: 1600 approx.

1750-3day avg

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Monday  afternoon 1/25/16
 
Went to work & CRAZY unsafe commute.  I was very anxious driving as the streets were full of snow on the side roads that I needed to take. I did get stuck on my street leaving for work. 
 
My county of Queens, NY  was in news for not having it’s streets fully plowed and for having some streets not plowed at all!
 
Kombucha 140…2 bottles almost (FOUR SERVINGS, around 32 grams sugar which sounds like so much but it is also 32grams for 32 ounces soda would be way more calories and sugar so, I’m fine with this!. …needed more than normal  one bottle of kombucha to get my digestion moving. Not sure why. probably bc I had a huge dinner of vegetable overloading closer to bedtime.)
 
Regular coffee, extra milk & 1 equal - 80 at most
 
Oatmeal w/ big banana and ½ cup sf almond milk:  300 at most saving that for tomorrow
 
Natural bar with nuts & coconut I think 200… lower sugar thankfully
 
3 hard candies 90.
510, good.
 
Healthy lunch, low in carbs: 1 fried egg, tons of sautéed (not much oil at all) kale 150, and ½ small avocado 150. Really around 400!
 
Tired from no carbs and bc I’m full, but, it’s a short workday. And I’m keeping calories low today. I’m getting better & better at it. tomorrow I’ll need a healthy breakfast though – of oatmeal and the banana that I was gonna have today…saving it in fridge for tomorrow lol. as the wedding approaches, I see myself getting a tad more obsessed – which is the only way right now…
 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/25/2016:
Have a great evening


OhioRaven on 01/25/2016:
I've been watching your weather, HP. Bundle up !

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/26/2016:
and today it was warm :-) still lots of snow on ground though!


grannyannie on 01/26/2016:
Stay safe on those roads!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jan 24, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

2-day calorie total: approx. 1825. good.

We got 26.5 inches of snow!

Sunday Breakfast: kombucha. 70, later a caffeinated drink, half of it 60. later, i'll have the other half.

11:30 - 12pm snacking (in the mood for oatmeal, but would want to go to the gym after and they are still plowing the apt lots so I know I cant leave yet....so trying to just snack right now and not eat a huge meal!) blow pop, chips 250

total so far: 380, good.

snacking...but then late lunch bc change of plans because roads not plowed so I can't get my car out so regrouping to take bus to the gym...!

snacking: granola bar 150, greek yogurt 100, chocolate spread 150, stevia, big banana 150: 550

total so far: around 950-1010 with more caffeine stuff, good...

dinner: at most 600.

total today: around 1600, excellent. and a great workout at the gym.

Overall, yesterday was wonderful. I finally finished my coworker's book & now i'm going to write my review this morning :) Proud of myself to finish it this month which ended up being easier because of the 3-day weekend last week and snow day yesterday I had ample time to read it!  I am glad I have something challenging to do this morning / early afternoon.

__________________________________________

Overall, I am happy. But, I need to talk about something very much on my mind here with all of you.  Once again, i'm hoping for some advice from you all:

I am not a big arguer. I don't fight often. The only fights I really ever have are with family and they blow over.  But my best friend is now a constant source of arguing. It's almost certain that we argue if we are planning or doing anything out of the ordinary.

It's absolutely unnerving and stresses me to the core that I am constantly fighting with her.  I don't even feel interested in having her involved anymore in any of the exciting events or plans I have because doing ANYTHING out of the ordinary for her causes stress and anxiety and then when she is doing these events with me they become STRESSFUL instead of FUN! I can't take this nonsense at all.

I am not really going into detail now with past events / situations that I have caused arguments with my best friend & myself because it's too much to think about right now & just write and get even more riled up right now when i'm trying to get it out and just relax over this.  But it's really getting to be too much. She is MUCH more an anxious person than myself. She has MORE social anxiety than myself. And I just can't take it.  It's not fair to me to have to be stressed more by hanging out with her. I shouldn't have to always be placed in her path of anxiety. it's not fair to me. at all! I am not her mother or doctor or social worker. I don't hang out with her to only be her therapist. my relationship with my best friend is strained.

She was supposed to find a psychologist MONTHS ago. She also went on medication for anxiety a month ago (which was FAR too late as she was in a bad state months before that) and she just doesn't do sh*t to take care of herself. It's such a sad state of affairs, really. I need a strong friend. Not someone who needs to be babied and always looks for the easy way out. She makes me want to run away from the friendship I used to have with her. She makes me want to bang my head on a wall a few times. I am not friends with her only because she is helpless and that's what she has become.  I have my own health and well-being to care about & she is just making it hard for me to do that.

As you all know, I have stress right now. I have the wedding coming up. I have limited time for my friends.  I miss being able to see my friends like I was in the fall. But I know I will again and this is just a small period of time and it will pass. I am obliged to spend more time with my family finding shoes and such and a dress for the upcoming bridal shower now. And I have no problem realizing and doing these very necessary things. I am thankful I have to actually! I am glad that my sister is getting married and that i'm part of it. I will text her now to tell her that i'm happy for her! lol..ok just texted my sister and thanked my mom for helping me out and actually purchasing my bridesmaid dress for me :-D It was $300.-

Ok, let me get back on track. My friend needs a psychologist to talk to.  It's not right that all her problems are being placed on me for my ears for me to help her with. I cannot have a friend that needs so much help from me. And then, sometimes she gets anxious about the help I give and gets angry with me that she "doesn't need a mother" when most of the time she begs me for me to "mother her" without actually obviously saying it. - her actions show it. So, it's annoying. she wants my help and then gets angry when I give without her asking or when she supposedly doesn't want it. Well, I guess it's pretty obvious what I need to do - WAIT TILL SHE ASKS FOR MY HELP AND SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING UNTIL THEN.  As a friend, this is not my nature. it's not my nature with ANYONE. I don't like to sit back when I realize I can help. I don't like to do nothing when I see anyone in need.

It's my nature to want to help or fix things for people when I see I can. I like to raise people up - especially my friends.

Well, a point just struck me. My best friend doesn't care to be raised up! Yeah, I just realized this point as I am thinking of all of this - as I am writing.

So instead of wasting my energy to raise her up, I am going to keep raising myself up. I don't have a problem making plans with others for the more exciting events. I can reserve low key activities and mundane stuff for when I hang out with her. And continue to do more exciting things with my other friends. It's the way its going to be because like I said, I'm not her mother and i'm not going to hold her 33-year old hand every time there's something new I want to do. I'm SO DONE with it.

I've been on a cruise with my best friend 4 years ago. We fought a TON during it. She didn't want to do anything exciting! Really. We went parasailing and she had SO MUCH ANXIETY that she was sick throwing up and shi**ing in the bathroom afterwards. She didn't want to see shows on the boat. She was so concerned about getting sunburned she didn't even want to tan everyday. She likes the mundane so much that she did her laundry while on the cruise - which I didn't mind so much because she offeered to do some of mine lol. Also on the cruise, we walked up Dunns River Falls in Jamaica. It's quite strenuous and difficult and wet. She cried the whole damn way up. If she can't have fun doing new things, I can't do them with her anymore. I need friends that are going to challenge me. It can't always be me challenging them.

So this time - the fight was OVER THE PHONE! horrible. On a day I just wanted to relax and not even be on the phone. (we were snowed in yesterday so I was enjoying some much needed alone time). Anyways, I promised her to call her regarding her buying a bridal shower gift for my sister online from Bed, Bath & Beyond. Well, she shipped the gift to her address instead of my sister's address provided which would be easier. It's because my friend didn't realize she could ship it straight to my sister (which I knew was going to happen since I was on the phone with my mom when my friend placed the order before I could tell her to ship it to my sister's concierge).

So I called my friend and asked if she wanted to fix it so she wouldn't have to worry about lugging her (pretty light anyways) gifts into the city with her when she comes to the shower. My friend is probably going to take public transportation (about 1hr) unless she gets a ride with me & my parents (again, helping her) into the city for the event and I knew it's easier if she didn't have to deal with carrying an extra package with her. I was TRYING TO HELP.  (she can always get a ride with me but I know she'd be anxious to sit in the car with my parents so she'll decline and I could care less really. she's an adult. let her get to the damn thing herself) I have always helped her so much when going into the city to meet friends. I usually go to her location and meet her and we go the rest of the way together. I always help and it always causes fights. let her do it herself.  

anyways, for the bridal shower, I know that most people will have their packages shipped straight to my sister's concierge since it's an option ! duh! the best and most carefree option.

so I asked my friend for her order # which she reluctantly gave me. and since my friend checked out as a guest, I couldn't even do more than track her package and it wasn't possible to change the shipping on her already placed order. She was on the phone with me and questioning me as I was trying to see what I could do to help her - she really didn't know what I was doing. She was anxious that I was looking at her credit card info (which I couldn't see bc it was only package tracking that I could see at this point) and she got angry with me - because I was trying to help her. she is so anxious about her bank accounts and money. Does she seriously not trust me enough to know I am her BEST friend and don't plan on robbing her!? what the h*ll man. it's so frustrating with her. I would never take an extra cent from her. but she wasn't angry really about that, she was just scared in general about the online ordering and that my sister would see her receipt!? just stupid. I can't even...

She then asked me what I would say if she did the same thing to me - and I bluntly said, "i'd be so glad that you were trying to help me out so I didn't have to drag the bridal shower gift into the city when i go to the bridal shower!! since obviously it's easier to have the gift already there when I get there!" duh.

anyways, my friend is so anxious with online purchasing and stuff that she doesn't even pay bills online. She's 33...not 93. just seems extremely OLD SCHOOL.

I can't understand how she is so totally ok with doing things the old school way. i cash checks using my phone app and it's the easiest thing ever. she still goes to the bank. the bank near me isn't even open by me to go to anymore during the hours I am free to go! I have to do it by phone.

she actually needs to go to the bank to check if things went thru, etc, and i just check my phone. we are 33 years old - so for the older folks on here, i'm telling you, most people my age are pretty tech savvy and use tech to help us and push us forward to make life better.

she doesn't push herself ever to grow AT ALL. it's pathetic.

lastly, she needs to move this year. she's renting her apt from a woman who is looking to sell the condo she rents it from. and my friend cannot afford to buy it (and the condo needs a TON of fixing up so I cannot see why she'd ever want to buy a condo that's worth way under what it should be worth). Anyways, my friend cannot afford to buy the condo she's renting and she is so upset that she has to move.

I told my friend that it's the luck of the draw and to not rent another unit from someone who's subletting! why take the risk again of getting kicked out when the owner wants to sell!? duh!!!!!! it's just logical, man!

Instead, She can either buy a co-op (which is not as expensive) or simply just get a rental apt straight from a building management - in obviously a different building from where she lives now because her building is only condos. To rent condos in her bldg. from a subletter can be cheap but she cannot afford to buy. So she risks needing to move when a condo owner wants to sell. She has cheap rent now because the lady gave her an awesome deal maybe bc she thought later down the road my friend could afford to buy it. But now, my friend will need to move since the owner of her condo said she is definitely going to sell it & my friend can't afford it, like I said.

Well, my friend is so close-minded, and afraid of change, that she actually said she'll  rent / sublet another condo unit in her building if it becomes available (that means that she will risk getting kicked out, again, just because she wants to stay in her building and not move anywhere else). she's so scared of looking for places to live, looking for a nice rental apt that will mostly likely be in better condition than her run-down condo unit, that she is opting to try to move within her building and risk having to move again if the next owner wants to sell the condo too.

just dumb. also, there are TONS of rentals that are in the price range my friend likes. So why not just rent a nice apt  in a different nice building and live there as long as she likes without ever having to worry again about moving. It's the right way to go. She will not have to move again! it's very obvious...it is really the only way she should be looking. I told her not to complain to me when she has to move again. - and if she does end up renting another subletted condo, I will NOT listen or give a care when her time to move comes again. I will simply tell her, you get what you paid for. - that's the decision you made and that's your consequence. her ignorance to the facts makes me SICK!

I can't deal with such ignorance to the fact of the matter that renting a subletted condo when you hate moving is such a STUPID choice to do again. if you hate moving, move for the last time and don't move again! don't put yourself in the same situation again just because you are used to the building and think it's the only building out there. she lives in a big city - there's so many options. she needs to open her eyes and not think like a blind bat!

She hates moving so much that she's willing to sacrifice it and continue to live in a high-priced condo (that's poorly maintained in my opinion) and move within the condo building only (like move from her unit to another one in the same building if possible that's what she wants). there is a chance that there may not be any units available for renting when she needs to move, also. then she will have to take another option like renting an apt somewhere else.

also, the rental (not condo, so better because she'd never have to move again) building across the street from her has a pool. there are several apt buildings like it - another one is one town away. and that one also has a pool and even cheaper rents! (the apt rental building in the town over is the same owner as this rental building across the street but because of location, the one in the next town has rent that is $300 per month less!) The photos look amazing. both have pools. I did all this research - that's why I know.

my friend needs a major bonfire lit under her ass to get her to look and see how her options are literally ENDLESS.

my friend is a teacher, summers off. how could she not want to take advantage of living in a nice building with a pool for the summer.  of course, if she has any body image issues and doesn't want to sit at the pool, I could understand. but she never said that to me and lately says she'd like the pool idea.

I just see her thinking as being highly ignorant and stupid -  to stay in a building with nothing and ultra high prices where she currently is, her thinking to me is plain dumb & close-minded.

I am sorry that she is acting and thinking this way. It makes me only feel bad for her. I am so sorry she can be this ignorant.

I tried to help her. gave her so many links to places in her area that look so nice. photos and all. she thanked me and said I was such a great friend ( I did this yesterday morning before our fight that occurred yesterday evening). she was so happy I looked into it. OF COURSE SHE HADN'T EVEN LOOKED FOR HERSELF. she's really like a dear in headlights with everything that needs some researching.

I am sorry to say that this 33-year old girl is my best friend. I hope she is able to get some strength and grow out of this horrible phase she is in. She is full of anxiety and not a pleasure to be friends with at all. She's been struggling this way since last summer! Well over half a year now with full blown anxiety.

if anyone here thinks i'm being ignorant to my friend's opinions and stuff, i'm not sure I could agree with you.

when someone hates to move, they should get out of the condo building they are renting in and move somewhere where it is for renting only & she can stay as long as she wants without the stress of possibly being kicked out when a condo owner wants to sell and not rent to her anymore.

I just don't understand how someone can continue to put themselves in a stressful situation just to avoid a move (but it would be more of a final move).

she says she may move in with a husband or boyfriend (both of which she doesn't have in the least) down the road and therefore doesn't care to stay in the condo renting and possibly getting kicked out of a unit again.

thing is, she doesn't date. never a boyfriend.

so, why doesn't she take her of herself, get out of the condo bldg, and find a nice rental apt that is NICER than her current place (which is horribly kept-up as far as condo standards go) for a great price!?

and when she has to move, it'll be July. she's not working then. she's a teacher.

perfect timing for her.

yet she can't even see it.

I can't help her anymore.

I told her I gave her my advice about the apt situation, I support her final decisions, and that I will NOT be discussing her move with her again. That i'm out of it. I also told her not to come to me for support about the anxiety medicine she's taking. I told her i'm not involved in any of it anymore.

Let her finally talk to her psychologist this week - that's her first visit. and share her anxiety with that person.

i'm not a doormat or a sponge that needs to suck up her anxiety constantly. I'm OUT OF IT. also, me helping her causes fighting - I see fights in the future regarding both medicine and anxiety and decisions for her moving so - that's more the reason why I told her "I'm out of it." on those topics.

She can discuss with her family (parents, siblings) and psychologist. But if she brings them up to me, i'll tell her I can't give my input on those topics anymore. so done. I can't fight with her anymore.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/24/2016:
Hey J. There are people that you cannot help whatever you try to do. In order to help this person she would have to be willing to be helped. Take care of yourself that is your main concern. Surround yourself with positive people. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/24/2016:
Thank you Puddy. Your advice is well received. I forget about the willingness on their part to be helped is an aspect of it. I am going to think of that tip you gave me more & more.

I must help myself more if I am to get out of my current job & become an NYPD officer.

So, yes, thank you Fran.

I am going to work on myself. If she reaches out to me, so bet it. If not, i'm ok with that.

I am going to surround myself more with who I want to surround myself with. Thank you.


innerpeace on 01/24/2016:
She really needs to talk to someone! You can only try to help someone so much before she must learn to help herself! I would not deal with all this stress. I went to a Stephen Covey training and had the ACE way. Accept, Change or Eliminate. I know she is your friend, but if she can't see how upset she makes you, maybe you should leave her alone for awhile and maybe she will realize what a great friend you are.

Some people are technologically paranoid and with all the identify theft going on I can't blame her, especially after being hacked myself....but damn, it sure makes the world a easier less hectic place. Good luck and continue on with all your goals and plans, I would put her on the back burner for awhile. Enjoy your life.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Yes, like you and the others have suggested, i'll pull back.

I've been pulling back more & more from her. But then, when I do talk on the phone with her, it's for a long time, and I am reminded how much I usually DON'T want to be on the phone that long the next time! haha.

main point - yes, it should be easy for me to pull back and i'm busy with the wedding planning anyways and I have enough on my own plate.

and other main point - I think you are right she does need me to pull away for her sake - she needs to get her life in order and seek the real help from a person trained to help.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS. I do reach out at times to the women / men here because sometimes for me it seems the best place to go to.


innerpeace on 01/24/2016:
Oh and one more thing, I hope writing all that out, helped alleviate some of your tension for today.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Yes, it helped relieve a lot of tension. Many times, writing here, helps me think further about the situation...sometimes I go and re-read what I wrote to further think about it. but it seems that doing that this time, just makes me upset so I think i'll stop :)


grannyannie on 01/24/2016:
You're just stressing yourself out and your friend needs to do something for herself. You can't save her. Best of luck. I know this is very difficult. You have to think of your own well being,

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Thank you Annie. I'm taking your advice. You are right, it is VERY difficult for me. Upsetting since she has been my best friend, not just any friend, for years. For years, it was just me & her, hanging out, i'd turn down other relationships and friends to go out and do things with her.

I've learned a lesson with what I just wrote in paragraph above - and related to your comment very much - to take care of myself.

I don't owe her so much as to risk my own well-being.

I will focus on continuing to do things for myself and not worry to always think of her first or need to include her....

ah, you are right. I just need to focus on myself. and forget her for awhile. forget as in stop being so concerned over things I can't fix.



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