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Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 27, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

 

Wednesday! Week is a long one, but feeling positive about it.
6:00am Early Morning: Kombucha 120 & one candy while at work 30. 150
9am or so at work: coffee half reg half decaf 50 at least (lotta milk)
200…
….Oatmeal with big banana and almond milk / sunflower seeds: 300 or so.
 1010 after a healthy lunch... half avocado, teriyaki tofu & lots of sautéed greens with garlic.
total not more than 1700, could have been less, but healthy.
also, around a 20 minute walk overall. 10 at lunch, 10 before dinner. excellent.
ankle is still weak but not getting worse at all. just stiff. I need to continue to stretch it.
overall, i'm definitely feeling good & maintaining it. getting sleep helps.
sleep has been much better although I still wake in middle of the night since it's become habit lately. but, I am able to get back to sleep.
I can't complain, life is definitely pretty good.
work is weird. lots of people losing jobs (mostly the administrators, not the low guys on the totem pole like myself - so this is good!) anyways, today will be interesting as there is going to be a huge meeting with all the big shots that are left. and the most important man there is the one who bought out my company. I think he may be a billionaire...I googled him 1x....I will google again when I have time, it's not that important. the man is VERY RICH & has no patience for the little guys. He's ALL BUSINESS. and doesn't seem to have a nice personality. He lives in California, I do not see him often in our office.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/27/2016:
Very healthy meals.


Awesome50 on 01/28/2016:
Glad to see overall you are feeling good. Keep up your hard work!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 26, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Tuesday:

Mouse got into my food in my desk at work (totally sealed things!) and left it's poop.

 

SO GROSS! so I cleaned it all up...and will not have this happen again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6am at home: Extra Kombucha again, but it works 120 (3 servings)
8:30am & thru Morning at work: regular coffee 30, 300 oatmeal w/ banana (healthier than the bars and junk…always feel better when I have oatmeal & this type as added a little bit of healthy fats / protein too)
1pm big lunch: Chips that boss gave me lol in attempts to get me fat and I gave in! 280, sardines 180, lots and lots of salad and greens (very filling omg – good )250-300 total here around 750 at most. GOOD.
1200 or so, good.
total today: 1860, not bad :-)
excellent workout as well. :-) caffeine is what helped, majorly. when I drink it, my workouts are on fire. that's why I don't want to stop!
As far as parking went, I got lucky! Got a great spot on the street where the meters are for 2 hours. Was awesome, I was lucky to grab that spot.
 ________________________________________
 
Looking forward to gym tonight. Parking will probably be a challenge as there’s lots of snow in the street. I may opt to park in a drug store parking lot, doubt they’d tow me. Or, I’ll look for a spot & if I don’t find one, use the Rite Aid drug store lot…gotta do what I got to do & not going to skip the gym during this winter if I can help me. So, let the obstacles continue (Mother Nature) if they must, but I will still make my way to the gym….!
 
_______________________

 

Lately, I feel overtired & that I need a lot more sleep. I sorta get it. But at work, it seems each day is running into the next. I’m happy that next month we have another 3-day weekend. Looking very forward to March & the week off I’m taking. I may even take an extra day past the 5 days so that I’m off the Friday leading into that week. I just don’t care…It’ll be around 6 months from my last vacation, so the break will be nice. Any money lost I’ll use some of my tax return since I will not be paid for that week I plan to take. Used up my vacation when I was sick in mid September to mid October…
 
But a vacation of a week off will be nice in March. I’ll make sure to get in some good exercise. And I realize, in March, I can take alternate days if I want to….like some the week of the wedding & some the week before which may be better. To make sure to get in workouts & such….I’ll see as the time comes closer exactly what I need to do.
 
And now I look forward to the time after the wedding, when I will be in NYPD prep. As in, prepping myself for the academy of either January 17 or July 17. July 17 is more reasonable, but January 17 may be an option depending if I can get my ankles / legs strong enough for January which is only 11 months away. I do feel better these days. Still needs some work, but I do feel better day by day.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 01/26/2016:
Good luck on finding a parking place. I would hate not have enough designating parking for the gym. Hope you don't get towed.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/26/2016:
good usually to find parking, just bad with so much snow piled up everywhere!! :)


Donkey on 01/26/2016:
We have mice friends at my work too. They knocked over SEVERAL boxes of holiday chocolates off of the filing cabinet. And left pee and poo to clean up. It was fun to come to work and find a box and candy wrappers all over the floor (this happened 3 times -- then we ran out of chocolate). You never know when you're going to come to work and find a pile of crumbs on the floor by your desk -- and you don't have anything at your desk that would leave crumbs. Oh yeah...


grannyannie on 01/27/2016:
Oh gag, mice poop! Have a good day.


cybermom4 on 01/27/2016:
Great post!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jan 25, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Tuesday Morning:

Thankful for a safe apt and warm heat and all the good that I have in my life.

Finally, as I was driving home last night around 6pm onto my block, snow plows (HUGE tractors!!!) were plowing my block. Still work needed to be done 6pm yesterday. Good thing is it should be easier driving to work today & when I get into Ozone Park where I work, I will stay off the side roads as much as possible (made a mistake coming home yesterday when there was a stuck car & I turned down an unplowed block. Today I plan on a much easier commute....and parking for gym should be INTERESTING!).

Planning on gym after work for sure - it will definitely be a challenge parking-wise, unless the streets have been plowed better overnight. Not a lot of parking around gym - no lot - only street parking...looking forward to gym, very much. I am glad I didn't skip it on Sunday!

______________________________________________

Monday evening:

happy to be safe and back home.

Exercise: 10-15 min walk on well-shoveled sidewalk areas

calories: 1600 approx.

1750-3day avg

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Monday  afternoon 1/25/16
 
Went to work & CRAZY unsafe commute.  I was very anxious driving as the streets were full of snow on the side roads that I needed to take. I did get stuck on my street leaving for work. 
 
My county of Queens, NY  was in news for not having it’s streets fully plowed and for having some streets not plowed at all!
 
Kombucha 140…2 bottles almost (FOUR SERVINGS, around 32 grams sugar which sounds like so much but it is also 32grams for 32 ounces soda would be way more calories and sugar so, I’m fine with this!. …needed more than normal  one bottle of kombucha to get my digestion moving. Not sure why. probably bc I had a huge dinner of vegetable overloading closer to bedtime.)
 
Regular coffee, extra milk & 1 equal - 80 at most
 
Oatmeal w/ big banana and ½ cup sf almond milk:  300 at most saving that for tomorrow
 
Natural bar with nuts & coconut I think 200… lower sugar thankfully
 
3 hard candies 90.
510, good.
 
Healthy lunch, low in carbs: 1 fried egg, tons of sautéed (not much oil at all) kale 150, and ½ small avocado 150. Really around 400!
 
Tired from no carbs and bc I’m full, but, it’s a short workday. And I’m keeping calories low today. I’m getting better & better at it. tomorrow I’ll need a healthy breakfast though – of oatmeal and the banana that I was gonna have today…saving it in fridge for tomorrow lol. as the wedding approaches, I see myself getting a tad more obsessed – which is the only way right now…
 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/25/2016:
Have a great evening


OhioRaven on 01/25/2016:
I've been watching your weather, HP. Bundle up !

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/26/2016:
and today it was warm :-) still lots of snow on ground though!


grannyannie on 01/26/2016:
Stay safe on those roads!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jan 24, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

2-day calorie total: approx. 1825. good.

We got 26.5 inches of snow!

Sunday Breakfast: kombucha. 70, later a caffeinated drink, half of it 60. later, i'll have the other half.

11:30 - 12pm snacking (in the mood for oatmeal, but would want to go to the gym after and they are still plowing the apt lots so I know I cant leave yet....so trying to just snack right now and not eat a huge meal!) blow pop, chips 250

total so far: 380, good.

snacking...but then late lunch bc change of plans because roads not plowed so I can't get my car out so regrouping to take bus to the gym...!

snacking: granola bar 150, greek yogurt 100, chocolate spread 150, stevia, big banana 150: 550

total so far: around 950-1010 with more caffeine stuff, good...

dinner: at most 600.

total today: around 1600, excellent. and a great workout at the gym.

Overall, yesterday was wonderful. I finally finished my coworker's book & now i'm going to write my review this morning :) Proud of myself to finish it this month which ended up being easier because of the 3-day weekend last week and snow day yesterday I had ample time to read it!  I am glad I have something challenging to do this morning / early afternoon.

__________________________________________

Overall, I am happy. But, I need to talk about something very much on my mind here with all of you.  Once again, i'm hoping for some advice from you all:

I am not a big arguer. I don't fight often. The only fights I really ever have are with family and they blow over.  But my best friend is now a constant source of arguing. It's almost certain that we argue if we are planning or doing anything out of the ordinary.

It's absolutely unnerving and stresses me to the core that I am constantly fighting with her.  I don't even feel interested in having her involved anymore in any of the exciting events or plans I have because doing ANYTHING out of the ordinary for her causes stress and anxiety and then when she is doing these events with me they become STRESSFUL instead of FUN! I can't take this nonsense at all.

I am not really going into detail now with past events / situations that I have caused arguments with my best friend & myself because it's too much to think about right now & just write and get even more riled up right now when i'm trying to get it out and just relax over this.  But it's really getting to be too much. She is MUCH more an anxious person than myself. She has MORE social anxiety than myself. And I just can't take it.  It's not fair to me to have to be stressed more by hanging out with her. I shouldn't have to always be placed in her path of anxiety. it's not fair to me. at all! I am not her mother or doctor or social worker. I don't hang out with her to only be her therapist. my relationship with my best friend is strained.

She was supposed to find a psychologist MONTHS ago. She also went on medication for anxiety a month ago (which was FAR too late as she was in a bad state months before that) and she just doesn't do sh*t to take care of herself. It's such a sad state of affairs, really. I need a strong friend. Not someone who needs to be babied and always looks for the easy way out. She makes me want to run away from the friendship I used to have with her. She makes me want to bang my head on a wall a few times. I am not friends with her only because she is helpless and that's what she has become.  I have my own health and well-being to care about & she is just making it hard for me to do that.

As you all know, I have stress right now. I have the wedding coming up. I have limited time for my friends.  I miss being able to see my friends like I was in the fall. But I know I will again and this is just a small period of time and it will pass. I am obliged to spend more time with my family finding shoes and such and a dress for the upcoming bridal shower now. And I have no problem realizing and doing these very necessary things. I am thankful I have to actually! I am glad that my sister is getting married and that i'm part of it. I will text her now to tell her that i'm happy for her! lol..ok just texted my sister and thanked my mom for helping me out and actually purchasing my bridesmaid dress for me :-D It was $300.-

Ok, let me get back on track. My friend needs a psychologist to talk to.  It's not right that all her problems are being placed on me for my ears for me to help her with. I cannot have a friend that needs so much help from me. And then, sometimes she gets anxious about the help I give and gets angry with me that she "doesn't need a mother" when most of the time she begs me for me to "mother her" without actually obviously saying it. - her actions show it. So, it's annoying. she wants my help and then gets angry when I give without her asking or when she supposedly doesn't want it. Well, I guess it's pretty obvious what I need to do - WAIT TILL SHE ASKS FOR MY HELP AND SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING UNTIL THEN.  As a friend, this is not my nature. it's not my nature with ANYONE. I don't like to sit back when I realize I can help. I don't like to do nothing when I see anyone in need.

It's my nature to want to help or fix things for people when I see I can. I like to raise people up - especially my friends.

Well, a point just struck me. My best friend doesn't care to be raised up! Yeah, I just realized this point as I am thinking of all of this - as I am writing.

So instead of wasting my energy to raise her up, I am going to keep raising myself up. I don't have a problem making plans with others for the more exciting events. I can reserve low key activities and mundane stuff for when I hang out with her. And continue to do more exciting things with my other friends. It's the way its going to be because like I said, I'm not her mother and i'm not going to hold her 33-year old hand every time there's something new I want to do. I'm SO DONE with it.

I've been on a cruise with my best friend 4 years ago. We fought a TON during it. She didn't want to do anything exciting! Really. We went parasailing and she had SO MUCH ANXIETY that she was sick throwing up and shi**ing in the bathroom afterwards. She didn't want to see shows on the boat. She was so concerned about getting sunburned she didn't even want to tan everyday. She likes the mundane so much that she did her laundry while on the cruise - which I didn't mind so much because she offeered to do some of mine lol. Also on the cruise, we walked up Dunns River Falls in Jamaica. It's quite strenuous and difficult and wet. She cried the whole damn way up. If she can't have fun doing new things, I can't do them with her anymore. I need friends that are going to challenge me. It can't always be me challenging them.

So this time - the fight was OVER THE PHONE! horrible. On a day I just wanted to relax and not even be on the phone. (we were snowed in yesterday so I was enjoying some much needed alone time). Anyways, I promised her to call her regarding her buying a bridal shower gift for my sister online from Bed, Bath & Beyond. Well, she shipped the gift to her address instead of my sister's address provided which would be easier. It's because my friend didn't realize she could ship it straight to my sister (which I knew was going to happen since I was on the phone with my mom when my friend placed the order before I could tell her to ship it to my sister's concierge).

So I called my friend and asked if she wanted to fix it so she wouldn't have to worry about lugging her (pretty light anyways) gifts into the city with her when she comes to the shower. My friend is probably going to take public transportation (about 1hr) unless she gets a ride with me & my parents (again, helping her) into the city for the event and I knew it's easier if she didn't have to deal with carrying an extra package with her. I was TRYING TO HELP.  (she can always get a ride with me but I know she'd be anxious to sit in the car with my parents so she'll decline and I could care less really. she's an adult. let her get to the damn thing herself) I have always helped her so much when going into the city to meet friends. I usually go to her location and meet her and we go the rest of the way together. I always help and it always causes fights. let her do it herself.  

anyways, for the bridal shower, I know that most people will have their packages shipped straight to my sister's concierge since it's an option ! duh! the best and most carefree option.

so I asked my friend for her order # which she reluctantly gave me. and since my friend checked out as a guest, I couldn't even do more than track her package and it wasn't possible to change the shipping on her already placed order. She was on the phone with me and questioning me as I was trying to see what I could do to help her - she really didn't know what I was doing. She was anxious that I was looking at her credit card info (which I couldn't see bc it was only package tracking that I could see at this point) and she got angry with me - because I was trying to help her. she is so anxious about her bank accounts and money. Does she seriously not trust me enough to know I am her BEST friend and don't plan on robbing her!? what the h*ll man. it's so frustrating with her. I would never take an extra cent from her. but she wasn't angry really about that, she was just scared in general about the online ordering and that my sister would see her receipt!? just stupid. I can't even...

She then asked me what I would say if she did the same thing to me - and I bluntly said, "i'd be so glad that you were trying to help me out so I didn't have to drag the bridal shower gift into the city when i go to the bridal shower!! since obviously it's easier to have the gift already there when I get there!" duh.

anyways, my friend is so anxious with online purchasing and stuff that she doesn't even pay bills online. She's 33...not 93. just seems extremely OLD SCHOOL.

I can't understand how she is so totally ok with doing things the old school way. i cash checks using my phone app and it's the easiest thing ever. she still goes to the bank. the bank near me isn't even open by me to go to anymore during the hours I am free to go! I have to do it by phone.

she actually needs to go to the bank to check if things went thru, etc, and i just check my phone. we are 33 years old - so for the older folks on here, i'm telling you, most people my age are pretty tech savvy and use tech to help us and push us forward to make life better.

she doesn't push herself ever to grow AT ALL. it's pathetic.

lastly, she needs to move this year. she's renting her apt from a woman who is looking to sell the condo she rents it from. and my friend cannot afford to buy it (and the condo needs a TON of fixing up so I cannot see why she'd ever want to buy a condo that's worth way under what it should be worth). Anyways, my friend cannot afford to buy the condo she's renting and she is so upset that she has to move.

I told my friend that it's the luck of the draw and to not rent another unit from someone who's subletting! why take the risk again of getting kicked out when the owner wants to sell!? duh!!!!!! it's just logical, man!

Instead, She can either buy a co-op (which is not as expensive) or simply just get a rental apt straight from a building management - in obviously a different building from where she lives now because her building is only condos. To rent condos in her bldg. from a subletter can be cheap but she cannot afford to buy. So she risks needing to move when a condo owner wants to sell. She has cheap rent now because the lady gave her an awesome deal maybe bc she thought later down the road my friend could afford to buy it. But now, my friend will need to move since the owner of her condo said she is definitely going to sell it & my friend can't afford it, like I said.

Well, my friend is so close-minded, and afraid of change, that she actually said she'll  rent / sublet another condo unit in her building if it becomes available (that means that she will risk getting kicked out, again, just because she wants to stay in her building and not move anywhere else). she's so scared of looking for places to live, looking for a nice rental apt that will mostly likely be in better condition than her run-down condo unit, that she is opting to try to move within her building and risk having to move again if the next owner wants to sell the condo too.

just dumb. also, there are TONS of rentals that are in the price range my friend likes. So why not just rent a nice apt  in a different nice building and live there as long as she likes without ever having to worry again about moving. It's the right way to go. She will not have to move again! it's very obvious...it is really the only way she should be looking. I told her not to complain to me when she has to move again. - and if she does end up renting another subletted condo, I will NOT listen or give a care when her time to move comes again. I will simply tell her, you get what you paid for. - that's the decision you made and that's your consequence. her ignorance to the facts makes me SICK!

I can't deal with such ignorance to the fact of the matter that renting a subletted condo when you hate moving is such a STUPID choice to do again. if you hate moving, move for the last time and don't move again! don't put yourself in the same situation again just because you are used to the building and think it's the only building out there. she lives in a big city - there's so many options. she needs to open her eyes and not think like a blind bat!

She hates moving so much that she's willing to sacrifice it and continue to live in a high-priced condo (that's poorly maintained in my opinion) and move within the condo building only (like move from her unit to another one in the same building if possible that's what she wants). there is a chance that there may not be any units available for renting when she needs to move, also. then she will have to take another option like renting an apt somewhere else.

also, the rental (not condo, so better because she'd never have to move again) building across the street from her has a pool. there are several apt buildings like it - another one is one town away. and that one also has a pool and even cheaper rents! (the apt rental building in the town over is the same owner as this rental building across the street but because of location, the one in the next town has rent that is $300 per month less!) The photos look amazing. both have pools. I did all this research - that's why I know.

my friend needs a major bonfire lit under her ass to get her to look and see how her options are literally ENDLESS.

my friend is a teacher, summers off. how could she not want to take advantage of living in a nice building with a pool for the summer.  of course, if she has any body image issues and doesn't want to sit at the pool, I could understand. but she never said that to me and lately says she'd like the pool idea.

I just see her thinking as being highly ignorant and stupid -  to stay in a building with nothing and ultra high prices where she currently is, her thinking to me is plain dumb & close-minded.

I am sorry that she is acting and thinking this way. It makes me only feel bad for her. I am so sorry she can be this ignorant.

I tried to help her. gave her so many links to places in her area that look so nice. photos and all. she thanked me and said I was such a great friend ( I did this yesterday morning before our fight that occurred yesterday evening). she was so happy I looked into it. OF COURSE SHE HADN'T EVEN LOOKED FOR HERSELF. she's really like a dear in headlights with everything that needs some researching.

I am sorry to say that this 33-year old girl is my best friend. I hope she is able to get some strength and grow out of this horrible phase she is in. She is full of anxiety and not a pleasure to be friends with at all. She's been struggling this way since last summer! Well over half a year now with full blown anxiety.

if anyone here thinks i'm being ignorant to my friend's opinions and stuff, i'm not sure I could agree with you.

when someone hates to move, they should get out of the condo building they are renting in and move somewhere where it is for renting only & she can stay as long as she wants without the stress of possibly being kicked out when a condo owner wants to sell and not rent to her anymore.

I just don't understand how someone can continue to put themselves in a stressful situation just to avoid a move (but it would be more of a final move).

she says she may move in with a husband or boyfriend (both of which she doesn't have in the least) down the road and therefore doesn't care to stay in the condo renting and possibly getting kicked out of a unit again.

thing is, she doesn't date. never a boyfriend.

so, why doesn't she take her of herself, get out of the condo bldg, and find a nice rental apt that is NICER than her current place (which is horribly kept-up as far as condo standards go) for a great price!?

and when she has to move, it'll be July. she's not working then. she's a teacher.

perfect timing for her.

yet she can't even see it.

I can't help her anymore.

I told her I gave her my advice about the apt situation, I support her final decisions, and that I will NOT be discussing her move with her again. That i'm out of it. I also told her not to come to me for support about the anxiety medicine she's taking. I told her i'm not involved in any of it anymore.

Let her finally talk to her psychologist this week - that's her first visit. and share her anxiety with that person.

i'm not a doormat or a sponge that needs to suck up her anxiety constantly. I'm OUT OF IT. also, me helping her causes fighting - I see fights in the future regarding both medicine and anxiety and decisions for her moving so - that's more the reason why I told her "I'm out of it." on those topics.

She can discuss with her family (parents, siblings) and psychologist. But if she brings them up to me, i'll tell her I can't give my input on those topics anymore. so done. I can't fight with her anymore.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/24/2016:
Hey J. There are people that you cannot help whatever you try to do. In order to help this person she would have to be willing to be helped. Take care of yourself that is your main concern. Surround yourself with positive people. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/24/2016:
Thank you Puddy. Your advice is well received. I forget about the willingness on their part to be helped is an aspect of it. I am going to think of that tip you gave me more & more.

I must help myself more if I am to get out of my current job & become an NYPD officer.

So, yes, thank you Fran.

I am going to work on myself. If she reaches out to me, so bet it. If not, i'm ok with that.

I am going to surround myself more with who I want to surround myself with. Thank you.


innerpeace on 01/24/2016:
She really needs to talk to someone! You can only try to help someone so much before she must learn to help herself! I would not deal with all this stress. I went to a Stephen Covey training and had the ACE way. Accept, Change or Eliminate. I know she is your friend, but if she can't see how upset she makes you, maybe you should leave her alone for awhile and maybe she will realize what a great friend you are.

Some people are technologically paranoid and with all the identify theft going on I can't blame her, especially after being hacked myself....but damn, it sure makes the world a easier less hectic place. Good luck and continue on with all your goals and plans, I would put her on the back burner for awhile. Enjoy your life.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Yes, like you and the others have suggested, i'll pull back.

I've been pulling back more & more from her. But then, when I do talk on the phone with her, it's for a long time, and I am reminded how much I usually DON'T want to be on the phone that long the next time! haha.

main point - yes, it should be easy for me to pull back and i'm busy with the wedding planning anyways and I have enough on my own plate.

and other main point - I think you are right she does need me to pull away for her sake - she needs to get her life in order and seek the real help from a person trained to help.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS. I do reach out at times to the women / men here because sometimes for me it seems the best place to go to.


innerpeace on 01/24/2016:
Oh and one more thing, I hope writing all that out, helped alleviate some of your tension for today.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Yes, it helped relieve a lot of tension. Many times, writing here, helps me think further about the situation...sometimes I go and re-read what I wrote to further think about it. but it seems that doing that this time, just makes me upset so I think i'll stop :)


grannyannie on 01/24/2016:
You're just stressing yourself out and your friend needs to do something for herself. You can't save her. Best of luck. I know this is very difficult. You have to think of your own well being,

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/25/2016:
Thank you Annie. I'm taking your advice. You are right, it is VERY difficult for me. Upsetting since she has been my best friend, not just any friend, for years. For years, it was just me & her, hanging out, i'd turn down other relationships and friends to go out and do things with her.

I've learned a lesson with what I just wrote in paragraph above - and related to your comment very much - to take care of myself.

I don't owe her so much as to risk my own well-being.

I will focus on continuing to do things for myself and not worry to always think of her first or need to include her....

ah, you are right. I just need to focus on myself. and forget her for awhile. forget as in stop being so concerned over things I can't fix.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jan 23, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Snow Day :) Happy Saturday at home day!  Happy NO exercise day. AND DEFINITELY NO STAIR CLIMBING IN MY APT TODAY! - i'm so sick of stairclimbing and then being sore for a full week after! so none of that :)

Breakfast: kombucha 70, peach 60, lots of Indian okra with a lot of oil 500. total: around 650. good!

11pm: brunch: beef jerky 110, saag 150 around 260-300 total

12:30pm: chips 70, and more of that spinach saag 150

veggies 150, blow pop 50

now seltzer and to finally read my coworkers last few chapters of her book! and to write the review! having a snow day is perfect timing to finish her this month - like I told her I would :)

Dinner veggies steamed along with mushrooms in sauce 200 1600. good.

Chips 130 1730.

Protein bar at 8pm or so. 300.

total today: around 2050 - this is actually what I had in mind for a day fully at home snow day! proud of myself. I did great!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/23/2016:
Rest up!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jan 22, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Dinner ended up pushing total cals up to 2300 but it's fine. I walked for around 30 minutes in the evening which was GREAT.

Approx 1830/day this week = pretty good!

Happy Friday :)

(1754 6-day avg thru Thursday - today is the last day for the average - so i'm looking to keep calories at most in the 1700's today so that my calorie avg doesn't go higher for this week. proud that I kept it around 1750 for the week!)

There are definitely no rules when it comes to true love...but i'm not going to write more about this right now because it's too fresh and too personal even for me to type.  I need to have these thoughts only in my mind right now.  :)

So far today: kombucha 60 & amino acids that taste so bad I may try to return them to Rite Aid. 20. total here: 80.

Planning on a good day & coming home to relax after work. Maybe start reading a new book or magazine. Snow is expected Friday night into Saturday & I am prepared to be home relaxing. Happy about another low-key weekend with few errands, laundry & gym. Probably chatting on the phone with my best friend too.

Well, if I want to lose any more weight & get to at least 115lbs, I'm going to have to lower calories. Except, I don't want to go any lower right now. So i'm not. Just staying within the 1700-avg range is good for me for now. It's satisfying & i'm not left hungry. Weight is still 118, not lower this morning - even though I felt thinner - the scale said NO! haha.

but either way, the workouts I've been having at the gym have all been amazing this month. caffeine does help with both intensity and length of workout - both are increased a lot when I have the caffeine. It's amazing and not just in my head!

As January is coming to a close, I am starting to pump myself up for February. February will be very similar to January. There's another 3-day weekend (President's Day) in February and also my sister's Surprise Bridal Shower is on a Saturday afternoon in February. I need to find something to wear to it - probably a short dress. I will probably go shopping with my mom for it in the near future (but NOT this weekend as snow is expected and I plan on doing my errands Sunday).

Anyways, I am pumped for the month of February. Another reason why it's a good month is a funny reason - February is SHORT! that's right. I like how it's a short month that I need to get thru with my extensive goal of not skipping any workouts & going 3x per week! I have done so well in January. I am more than proud of myself.

And then we have March. March will go fast. I was planning to take a week off prior to my sister's wedding to get things done (visit my tax guy!) and just relax, maybe eat cleaner, keep up with exercise, and feel good at the wedding April 2nd (so last week of march is the week before). I will keep this commitment to myself that I am allowed to have a week off.

After the wedding, I will come right back to work on the Monday - but I plan to take that week off from exercise. So that I can relax a bit after work - because I know i'll be feeling tired after the wedding weekend!

I am happy.

I like how all my goals are working out. How all my planning was not wasted. How all my efforts are coming to fruition. Hard work pays off. And when we are successful, we should be proud of ourselves. I didn't always understand how to achieve weight goals or how to stick to my plans or diet or calories. It is this year, particularly after I got very sick in mid-Sept to mid-Oct. that I was reminded that everything is possible when you stick to your guns. And this is what i'm doing. I feel proud.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/22/2016:
Well done on your plans! As for true love - the stuff of agony and ecstasy!

There is a guy at my gym who is seriously muscular and he takes two weeks off every so often from working out.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
thanks for commenting about all those points. and as for the guy who takes time off, I will most definitely be taking more time off now & then after I am finished for wedding.

And then, I will totally change my focus to strengthening lower body & preparing for the academy. And it will be a "bigger" personal goal than my truly mostly aesthetic wedding goal.

Thanks Annie :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
Truly important for NYPD because it's not only personal, but touches on success & my full potential. my everything.


grannyannie on 01/22/2016:
Best of luck reaching those goals!


puddles on 01/22/2016:
Your doing good J have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
Loving the 'J' very cute Franny!


innerpeace on 01/22/2016:
I love your game plan. I should try the 30,60,90 plan and see if I can keep them.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
What is the 30l, 60, 90???? !!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
30 I mean..


cybermom4 on 01/23/2016:
How have you taught yourself to eat so well? I am doing better but I have not really gotten my new habits from my head to my heart.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 21, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1020 after lunch, all healthy:

Early Morning: Kombucha 50

Breakfast: banana, oatmeal mix with coconut flakes and little bit unsweetened almond milk, and tablespoon peanut butter, coffee also 470
Lunch: awesome – leftover “saag” which is an Indian style of preparing spinach (some fat added probably along with so many healthy things like ginger!) so good. And I added in tofu 100. Total here is 500 or so is my guess.
No bars yet today, thankfully.
Before gym: granola bar 150, peach 70, and a drink 60. total here: 260 - good!
After gym: protein bar. 300
total today is 1600 = better than I thought. my mind is set for the wedding. and, there's a bridal shower on 2/20/16 - a MONTH away...makes me...MORE DETERMINED!
gym was better than usual. I had a lot of fun. For now on, it's sports bras only (it's allowed at my gym) and not other tops along with them - I think anyways. makes me work harder. and get more comfortable in my own skin.
1754 6-day average.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/21/2016:
have a great day.


Awesome50 on 01/21/2016:
Your breakfast sounds delicious. I haven't had oatmeal in a while. I'll have to get some for added variety. Have a good day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
yes, it seems oatmeal can be very satisfying for awhile - but only when I add in some fat...or i'm hungry right away!


Maria7 on 01/21/2016:
Glad you are having a good day.


OhioRaven on 01/21/2016:
Love me some Spinach, HP. Take Good Care.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
Love veggies...and the Indian way of preparing them is a great change of pace for now! I can't believe I have been working in the same location for FIVE years and just now i'm beginning to try these restaurants! haha. I used to never drive down that part of the street...


grannyannie on 01/22/2016:
Doing great! I love saag aloo! And tofu.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2016:
Love Indian preparation of veggies...although sometimes I tell them "LESS SPICY"!!!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 20, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

8:30pm Evening Edit:

5-day Average is great = 1785/day. See, we can do whatever it is we think we can.  It just takes persistence & dedication & motivation. AND BEING PREPARED. Yeah, I totally pigged out on dinner - but it was on VEGGIES. and yes, they were all cooked and def in some sauce, but I didn't drink the sauce like water! lol. Just be prepared. Eat MORE VEGETABLES.

Anyone can lose weight if they try. And if they do not lie to themselves, either.

Have a good night, ALL!

again, starting to deal with insomnia. hoping to get better sleep tonight.

________________________________________________

Daytime Notes:

950 after lunch, excellent. I will make this a low cal day. It's easy to do if my calories are so low they are under 1,000 - leaves a lot of room for evening calories!

have you ever craved mustard? buying the spicy type to put on my veggies at lunch to fill me up more...

taking the dieting this week seriously.

well, had a TON of Indian food. Cooked veggies but yes to oil and sauce. It was a ton with a greek yogurt for dessert.

Dinner may be as much as 700 so just gonna guess that.

total today: 1650 - excellent.

no exercise (besides very short 5 minutes walking at lunch & errands in evening)

bed early tonight I think.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/20/2016:
I like mustard on almost everything. I use to use ketchup but substituted it for mustard because of all the sugar in the ketchup. I don't think this is crazy it just make your food more interesting. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
much more interesting...I like spicy mustard best!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
and...mustard is good for you!


OhioRaven on 01/20/2016:
Wow, just recently I've been wanting to put Brown Mustard on my breakfast of veg and eggs. Now I WILL try it.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
It helps satisfy I think. And really, the spicy type - it IS good for you. Look it up, you'll be surprised.

I think sometimes it causes a little indigestion though? Or, it can move things along? anyways, I used to (when I was making a lot of egg sandwiches for the mornings), also put the mustard on my sandwiches! I had a special mustard...I think Boar's Head Horseradish Mustard? was good.


Awesome50 on 01/20/2016:
I love mustard too!


grannyannie on 01/20/2016:
Well done HOP!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/21/2016:
Thank you so much Annie! It's really been difficult for me (stressful) this winter but this site helps as well as other facebook to get support from friends this winter leading up to the wedding since my real life has been a little less social.


liza36 on 01/21/2016:
You are right about how to be successful at weight loss. Consistency is key too...something that I struggle with!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 19, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1820/day 4day avg.

900 before end of workday....excellent. today will be low cal. good to continue making a dent in my weight loss progress!

Gym tonight...and MUST have caffeine. TIRED today. and I know why, interrupted sleep, guy stuff on my mind!

1150 before gym (small peach, granola bar, MOST of a Monster drink - what can I do - i'm fine with it.)

After gym: bigger protein bar. I didn't check - until after (wanted sugar) but this one actually was full of protein and some fat  and only 2g sugar! ehh, i'm probably better off. I'll be craving sugar in the AM. I guess tomorrow would be a good day for oatmeal then? better than a protein bar everyday...

1450 total today = nothing better. I did great.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/19/2016:
Enjoy your evening at the gym. Take care.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
Thanks Puddy. I do always feel more relaxed after the gym! And I like pushing myself hard at the gym too. Feels good :)


grannyannie on 01/19/2016:
Well done!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
Thanks :) Overall I feel like I am putting overall a lot of stress on myself, but it seems worth it - to me.


OhioRaven on 01/20/2016:
Hang in there, HP. Good Luck with your GuyStuff.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/20/2016:
Guys Suck! LOL



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jan 18, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

3day avg = 1945/day.

Happy Martin Luther King Day!

7am Breakfast: Spicy Cayenne Kombucha

 yuck not again! 50, small 1/2 banana 50, small peach 50, Quest protein bar 170, omega3 vitamin 10: total 330, good

8:30am snacking: sautéed veggies (really!) 150 and a caffeinated drink that will last thru this morning I think 50. in a tired, snacky mood. I think i'm procrastinating finishing this book!

10:30am after coming back from around 45 min walk outside: aminos (horrible tasting - will never buy this brand again, tons of sautéed veggies 220

11:45 Greek yogurt 150 900 - excellent.

6pm Dinner was HUGE. Mostly veggies but also olive oil. And some chips 110. Overall, at least 600 calories. Saying 1600 calories today = filling and successful! And an hour walk !!!

This weekend was all about getting the things done that were outstanding & needed to be done for awhile. I picked up 2 huge cases on bottled water for work/gym yesterday.

Also picked up some variations on sautéed Chinese greens with garlic.  They are variations because they are greens I usually don't order because it was a new place by me I don't frequent very often - I ordered sautéed watercress, sautéed baby bok choy, and sautéed Chinese spinach. all tasty. I didn't try the bok choy yet. Also, I ordered a mixed vegetable dish with bamboo shoots! I live in an Asian area, so there's lots of traditional Asian cuisine options by me.  Supermarkets as well, but I do not like them - lots of pickled and packaged food at them.

Today's Plans:

Finish reading a colleague's book. And i'm going to leave a review on it on Amazon later.

In general read / research on internet....do what I need to in order to expand my own horizons...what I've been doing lately and what I will do this winter is do things FOR ME. Spending time with friends is on the back burner right now. I need to expand my own horizons and learn what I need to learn in order to move forward.

Friends & family I will still see, but less often, I need time to educate myself and learn what I need to because I need to move forward. Most of my friends are set in the jobs - I am not. I have work to do. Nobody can help me - except for me!

Same with gym. Most of my friends are not that fit. I am the fittest-looking. Nobody can help me achieve that - except me! Therefore, time spent apart from friends & family is necessary at this time.

A nice massage later!

Dermatologist apt later

Call in Rx & pick up Rx

I am also going to pick up some kombucha at the store - probably tonight. I drink it every morning.  I may pick up a rotisserie chicken as well.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/18/2016:
Happy MLK day! I love bok choy and just about anything green. Enjoy your massage. I'm due for another soon. Think I'll get a back and shoulder one.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/18/2016:
If you get one, enjoy! Sometimes, it's hard for me to find a good, affordable massage therapist. But I've been lucky. And I have had the best ones lately. They work at affordable places - Massage Envy. But these guys I go to are the top in their field. Better than all the rest. So it works out well!


grannyannie on 01/18/2016:
Nothing like a good massage! So far I've had only had a foot massage here. They are cheap here in Thailand - most are about 300 baht an hour - less than $10.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/18/2016:
yes, it seems anywhere outside of America the massages are usually both better and cheaper! from what I've heard!


Awesome50 on 01/18/2016:
Hope you enjoyed your massage and finished reading your book as planned. I really enjoy reading and I too consider it "me" time. I find it relaxing.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2016:
1 more chapter left of book - I got so lazy last night~!


H82BFat on 01/18/2016:
Great job on (ordering) food! It weird how we become "set in our ways" and think that there is nothing "good" out there to order & yet if you take the time to REALLY look at all the choices, there's usually something you can get & if not... You know not to eat there again!

The saying "surround yourself with like minded people" sounds so simple, but in reality - at least for me anyway - it can be been difficult. I recently had a light bulb moment (in regards to my walking group), when I realized that one of THE main things that I have to do is to stop trying to force (square) talk-the-talk people into the (round) walk-the-walk mold. People either are or aren't on the same page as you & they'll show you pretty quickly where they are, so just believe when they show you & move on so you can put more energy into finding those who are "with you" instead of using up your energy on those who aren't. It is doable, just not easy. Hope you are able to take full advantage of your "me" time!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2016:
yeah, I love finding new places with good veggies!


puddles on 01/18/2016:
A massage always nice. Enjoy your evening Annie.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2016:
Jackie enjoyed her massage! LOL


cybermom4 on 01/19/2016:
I just had my massage on Saturday and it was amazing. I love Rachel!! I started going to see her b/c of my calves, and now I just go because she is so good. I only started going about 3 months ago and I think I am hooked.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2016:
yeah, good massages are addictive!~!!!



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