- Wednesday Dec 31, 2014
Happy NYE everyone :)
Overall, 2014 is a year I wish to forget (mainly bc of the constant pain and tendonitis in my legs everyday) and I vow for 2015 to be better. There are some changes in my legs and I pray that they will continue to recover now. Going back to the dr next week on Wednesday and praying it's going to start getting more and more under control. And maybe if I can't get rid of all pain, I hope to manage with it, get stronger, and start preparing my mind and body to enter the NYPD in either winter 2016 or summer 2016. Pray for me please. I want to move forward with my life this year :) 2014 was very stagnant and did not include an ounce of growth in my opinion.
I may be negative but I find it hard not to be. I should have been in the NYPD class that just graduated a few days ago from the academy. I will be working on feeling better and resuming exercise as life allows in the year ahead, 2015. I want more than I have now. I am so ready to achieve bigger things in life. I know I can do better. I never settle. But this year, I had to.
Calories during workday: 750 Calories at home: around 550 prob at most. 1300, good. Going to a party tonight and what I really want is desserts :) and I know there will be some! Hopefully a big brownie! I am bringing the veggie tray!
We were told to wear dresses (my friend planned a skit we are going to perform lol) but I am wearing lounge pants and a fleece. I am done, fried, and plan to relax with my friends not dress up as if I were going to a wedding! Hellz to the NO!
Calories: 4500-5000....plus Thursday breakfast 600. Around 5500....actually, 5700. Fine!
2000 / 2200. 2000 / 2200 2000 / 2200 500. Darn that is a lot of food.
- Tuesday Dec 30, 2014
Calories thru end of workday: 1350
Big dinner: salad 50, tofu 150, microwave eggplant rolletes around 550, and finer one with almond milk and cinnamon 220 around 970-1000
Total today around 2300-2350 fine.
30 min exercise, upper body.
I was not happy today at work. My moods are fluctuating almost too much and I find it impossible to be happy at work when half the staff is on vaca.
With my job - there is no give, no real break, it blows. I can't fathom my legs being fully healed and being able to get back in shape with this desk job - it's almost impossible. Yeah, I am gonna try, but it won't be easy.
- Monday Dec 29, 2014
Great day today :)
Food thru end of workday: 1000 cal.
Healthy big volume dinner: salad 50, almonds 100, some takeout Thai basil veggies 200 or so, chicken 300 at most, and kombucha 60. Around 700 doubt it was more :)
1700. Perfect! Some abs in morning like 10 minutes and a little walking in evening bc I had to stop something off and it was faster to walk. Still legs are recovering but they did feel a little better.
- Sunday Dec 28, 2014
I have a challenge for myself and its to purge 6500 calories! Will def accomplish it as soon as I can lol. Starting sometime at the end of this work week I will begin :) I need a weight loss challenge of my own for the new year, like a resolution that so many people do.
Here's mine - wanna weigh 125 again...maybe even low 120s again in th new year :) I think I understand more what it takes to have some restraint to take one less bite or eat a smaller portion of food. I think I am almost there mentally. I am gaining some clarity now in how I have to go about it.
Other note, legs are tingling still upon waking up....its getter better but far from over :(
Lunch with parents: big pumpernickel bagel 350? With lox 50, lots of cream cheese 200?, glass milk 100, ice cream 250 - 950, prob more like 1,000 and perfect. And fruit. 100. 1100 total, lol now I am cold!
Snacking: almonds 150, chews 60 so around 200.
Big dinner : 2 bowls warm bran in unsweetened cashew milk with cinnamon and stevia 200 (bran was very low in calories), chocolate protein bar 230, coconut Greek yogurt with cooked cranberries 230 total 660 :)
Around 1950-2000....very good.
Dinner was weird bc I was having lighting installed in my apt all day and the time it took was longer than expected, finishing close to 8pm. So I didn't go to the supermarket and buy any veggies at all and I just wanted these snacks for dinner, knowing I could have so much for little calories comparatively...
- Saturday Dec 27, 2014
Good Morning :)
some vitamins and soup. 100 cal...
dinner out tonight, want to fast most of today....also want to order some food that would be healthy after a fast...with magnesium, potassium (sodium will def be there, its Chinese)...thinking bok choy as a side dish, gonna look it up now....lol...I am reading up on them and of course the best ones are potatoes and bananas with spinach high up there....and beans (usually all the veggies I like to order least...) but...I think in general, on my own, i'm going to prepare more spinach / swiss chard in my home cooking...and as for tonight, still thinking about what to order lol. too much time on my hands, thankfully!
I am deeply enjoying the quite time to myself and I am so thankful for it.
noon almonds 200, other veggies 50, cooked cranberries
400....went to the supermarket and I bought some prepared food for tomorrow (but of course ate it as soon as I got home...I should know better by now - that I get tempted because it's fresh and just cooked and I can never make myself wait lol)...
...prepared food: lots of cooked daikon with some mushrooms (big radish) in Asian sauce (like at least 2 cups if not more), cup of cooked spinach, cup of cooked kale / cabbage mix: total cal around: (why go out to eat tonight lol...now I will be far less hungry!) 400 or so here.
around 850 before dinner, decent...
Dinner was good, indulged but not too much. Had a normal size dessert too :)
Around 2000 maybe a hair more :) did very, very good today!!
- Friday Dec 26, 2014
Fasting. Just drinking some broth. Wishing you all a great day. Got just over two lbs to lose and will be 1/4 there after today.
Up only +5700 after today. I can do this.
Why do my legs hurt if I am hardly using them???
Ate dinner: 2 wraps, cooked veggies in butter, Greek yogurt with flax and cranberries 750-800.
Up 6500 still. Better than yesterday. Gonna take time to get rid of all the excess weight, at least I put a dent in it.
- Thursday Dec 25, 2014
I just can't do it....what is with me!?
anyways, ate one big meal today: 1450 calories at 11am, some more 350, 250, 50.
it's like I can't fast...but I can...
up 7600 calories.
approx. over 2 lbs.
need 4 days of fasting to lose this amount of weight. too much.
fasting tomorrow, day #1....yes at least 4 days...assuming my body actually burns 1900 per day which I doubt when resting....oh freaking well! gotta do better, somehow....I am so much better than this, I know I am. I am worth much more than the way I treat my mind and body. gotta overcome all odds. gotta do better for myself. there is no reason I have to suffer for the rest of my life with legs that don't work.
time to massage my legs....a bit...
not sure about the other 3.
- Wednesday Dec 24, 2014
gym was supposed to close at 5...but closed at 4:30. didn't end up getting a workout in!
pretty good eating so far. maybe a little extra caffeine, but balanced in terms of the food I have eaten so far.
Breakfast: extra avocado, one fried egg, one veggie sausage patty, low carb wrap, butter.
snacking: coffee, tea, cottage cheese with flax and blackberries
lunch: veggies, two low carb wraps, small chicken thigh, rest of the ginger tea :)
snacking at home early after getting out of work earlier as well: cooked cranberries, kale chips I found in the store yesterday, almond milk, and also some healthy flax crackers that I've had in the cabinet (very satisfying)...400 at most.
total so far today: 1650 & healthy. of course I will have dinner too...first a trip to the gym....to do a little bit, a most a half hour I am thinking :) just a little something is wayyyy better than nothing. cheers....and hoping to comment on your diaries tonight as well!
happy holidays to everyone, wishing you all health, joy, and happiness. no matter what religion you are, what holiday you celebrate, just wishing everyone good things tonight. I will type more later about some things on my mind lately....lol....nope, not having to do with men...entirely different subject!
750 in dessert. 200 eggplant rollotte. 400-500 veggies. 1450....ugh too much...1500...
up around +7150....
fasting Thursday / Friday....
+4000.....if all goes well :)
- Tuesday Dec 23, 2014
Today went by fast, really fast :)
Calories till end of workday: healthy 1250.
snack / dinner at home: 60 in the drink...followed by a boatload of leftover cooked kale, bok choy and broccoli and sesame oil and some teriyaki sauce. I did a nice job this time! it was a ton, maybe around 300 cal at most...then lots of grape tomatoes...100?, then some kind of chips made with coconut and parsnip that I found today after a stop at a natural food store on the way home from work! 120, and lastly, kombucha 60. total: around 650 or so. all healthy and tasty.
total: around 1900, perfect. it would be perfect if most workdays I could eat this amount of calories. I don't think i'd gain weight at this amount, especially if I start to put some exercise in.
clothes tight, so will be working on not eating much Thursday thru Saturday. out to dinner that night, so planning on low calories throughout day. and more normal on Sunday...maybe with exercise, but not pushing it. exercise is not fully part of my routine yet.
tomorrow I am planning on the gym after work :) for a short time. because I don't think I wanna wake up for it...maybe i'll change my mind!
- Monday Dec 22, 2014
After work Friday, I had bad sex. hadn't had any in months and months, actually..not since either last spring or January I think? I think it's mostly because my legs are to blame & I am staying home much, much more and not as amped to go out and party! lol, not that I really ever partied. all in all, i'm a good girl. but I don't really date...and when I was a lil younger, still in my 20's, i'd say it was reasonable to want to have a different sorta experience time to time....a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do sometimes. especially if she isn't a dater or relationship type of person!
Anyways, sex for the sake of sex is getting old and worse every time....I don't think I can let myself do it EVER again. all because a man has a nice looking face doesn't mean it will feel good to give yourself over to him, so he can satisfy himself as forcefully as possible, no pleasure or emotion on my part accounted for. I think this was the last time for me. I know I am going to have far less urges down the road to actually let my fantasies with guys to play out. men in my life that I see doing my routine. either work or gym (when I was a regular), etc.
I am going to not only be more picky, but going to consider my own feelings and value more. because this one sucked. today at work, this guy did say hi to me (you could tell he was actually nervous to do so - he was probably (haha maybe!) thinking I might be upset or something or he didn't know what to expect. from me...my public reaction) but it was normal, as I am always am with him at work.
he also said a joke to me on his way out of the office. so I guess all is good between us. that's good. we are adults and we did say we would be good to each other after the fact....and we are. but sex for the sake of sex, emotionless, is harsh and horrible.
a relationship is not possible with this guy for a variety of reasons. but, just so you know, we texted and had a "work relationship" for a few years now....sex only this one time, after at least 2-3 years of texting and joking around with each other at work.
Being at work, today went much better eating-wise. I started the day off with something healthy, a whole wheat English muffin with some butter, a fried egg, and lox. I made it at home before going to the gym for around 25min before work this morning! I like doing this, and I am going to try to keep it up as long as my legs continue to show progress. Only problem is that I do feel more of an energy crash at work midmorning when I go to the gym before work. I think I may need to eat more carbs. we'll see, i'll experiment.
Calories thru the end of the day before dinner: 1300.
BIG dinner: cabbage slaws with some vinegar / dressing: at least 300...then cooked veggies around 200?, a roasted chicken thigh (sorta on the small side) 200 no skin, and cooked cranberries 100....oh....AND a greek yogurt. was hungry. now i'm satisfied. around 950, all healthy. just generous in assortment and portions of veggies. without extra veggies, calories would be lower lol. everything else is sorta in proportion here.
total: perfect, 2250, decent and maybe I did burn close to it with the weights workout lol? probably not.
workout in AM:
1. 15 min upper arm cardio machine (for arms, not legs)
2. pushups 5-6 sets of 10-20 reps depending how far along I was...
3. assisted pull machine (I forgot the real name of it, will have to take a look next time). that's all there was time for....3 sets here, around 10 reps each.
then I left and ate breakfast in my car on the way to work....I felt good at work during the 1st half the morning but then I started to feel miserable...and did eat extra carbs...and it didn't really work....maybe protein is the way to go then!?