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Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Dec 04, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

total cal today was actually around 6,000 after everything i ate that i didn't even write here....and will i give up, toss the towel in!?, NEVER.

reasons: very nervous to see my student,faculty, etc at this concert saturday night....tiring week, low on blood sugar after the crazy gym where i had far too much caffeine, and the boy.

up early to drive to school and study. wahoo....it's friday!  :-)  plan: maybe home for a nap after school, then the gym.

EARLY breakfast: grapes, sf flavored water, coffee: around 200.

snack: Dunkin Donuts flatbread? 300.

chocolate: 100

lunch: some turkey and stuffing. around 600.

snack: bar and caffeine drink?? 150

snack: 130

before dinner: around 1500

dinner: 450....dessert was baaaad: 700?....and chocolate 800. ugh. dumb. 1950 for dinner. dumb dumb and dumb.

bed not too late. exhausted....more chocolate

total cal: 5000? why....woke up way too early (4:30am), tired, pooped, thinking about him. :(  i don't even regret the food right now.

 

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Dec 03, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

exercise edit: lovely day at the gym. i did about 35-40 minutes elliptical, 5 min walk on treadmill, and 10-15 minutes on the bike. also, i did abs and back.  very happy that i went. it certainly made me feel better.  :-)  tomorrow i'll be back there for weights and cardio.  i might lay off abs, but i'm not so sure.  my abs could use an extra workout. lol.

breakfast: 400. healthy.  some pieces of pear cut up and an egg/eggwhite sandwich on two pieces of rye bread.  i've been feeling dehydrated and i'm laying off the coffee right now.

snack: yogurt? 130 pretzels 60

lunch: leftovers still!! haha. stuffing piece and some dark meat chicken: guess: 650?

snack: chocolate 100

another snack? yogurt 130? bar, drink 240

 dinner: flatbread sandwich 300, veggies 40, grapes: 150 500 approx.

total cal: 1950. good for today. and certainly fits into my exercise and calorie output. i am happy.

early to bed...i will wake up extra early to study tomorrow morning since i have a test. and i know that i would rather just review in the morning than tonight too. i do better that way, it's just me.

exercise: if sunny, a walk.  otherwise, gym.  probably the gym not in the mood to be outside even though it's 60 degrees. lol, why am i underlining this!? ...

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

cybermom4 on 12/03/2009:
Wow you are really doing good - it's bee a very long time since I've been on and I'm amazed to see the progress everyone has made - congrats to you. Any word from thininside40?



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Dec 02, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

today was the 3rd day of binging. but things are looking better and i got to the gym for weights and had a 50 minute walk today. so things are better.

crap happens and we all have our bad days. i'm ready to spend the next weeks of december in a better mood than i was in these past three days.

sorry for you if you read my past couple entries. i'm doing much better now.

goodnight all.

exercise: 50 minute walk, hour weights.

calories: perhaps around 4000-4500. it happens.

i'm looking to not just eat everything to fill my voids. but it's a process! :-)

again, goodnight.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Dec 01, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

midnight edit: got a test tomorrow. screwed up royally again today. worst week in awhile. binging is getting worse. i even stopped counting calories today at some point which means that it was a very bad binge. probably close to 5500 or more calories. i'm stressed, not doing my best. it's 12:24am and i can't even "go to sleep and wake up to study" bc i have too much to study. i will have to set my alarm MULTIPLE times to get up and study throughout the night. terrible. talk about bad skin, overeating, and everything inbetween. life feels quite not managable right now and i hate being this stressed. i was never a great student and it really blows to be a student now at 27 facing the same EXACT problems i faced as a freshman in college. i hate this.

total cal: probably 5500-6000.  no exercise, 2nd day in a row....next week i will be at a conference honoring my dad tuesday morning. i have nothing to wear and now i'll be a bit heavier. what is wrong with me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

6:30am breakfast: 370

9am snack: chocolates around 290.

10am other snack possibly: yogurt 130

12pm lunch: fruit and sandwich: 450...and chocolates. that have been calculated in

3: 50pm snack: banana and diet drink: 130

binge-snack: crackers/pretzels/peppers seasoned: 520 + 120+ 30= 670

tsf: 2170...2300

soon! pm! lol .dinner: 

tired. taking a nap.then dinner then walk then study...someting like that. must take a short, even 1/2 hour walk....maybe inside on treadmill, yeah...

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

loveray on 12/02/2009:
i am going to be sending you good/healthy energy all day! we both need it. when we feel like eating, lets challenge ourselves to breathe and or nap if we are in a location to do so and see how that changes things. i know when i wake up after a binge, my body is sluggish and non-workable. this is how i know it is really wrong for me. love you!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Nov 30, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

5600 6600 forgot the macaroons...calories today.  (13 day avg is 2900 around 3000 approx per day.)

how things change: lol, from good to bad today: why??? probably has something to do with a sigh of relief. didn't sleep well at all last night, either. was thinking about him and it was just terrible to say the least....being up i mean. my heart was actually racing all night...until about 1am when i finally couldn't stay up any longer.  ( so seriously racing between 9pm-1am).

my day went well, some stress, but overall a nice day back.  was hungry and should, even though weather was horrible and rainy, of went to the gym.  i was tired though.  and i could have even slept. so, those would have been other things i might have done to avoid this binge. thing is, i don't really regret it right now.  and i have yet to add up all the calories. thing is, i have a goal (had a goal?) as usual, to lose weight this month. perhaps my goals are too lofty.

and once again, TOM is here. that might have to do with this. tom, lack of sleep, and just the events of thanksgiving break/weekend.

btw, i finally had the "i ****ed up and now it's ok to eat anything to the point of sickness (feeling sick from fullness).  it's really horrible. and i was finally able to wear my smaller pants bc i was finally not bloated in my stomach today. unfortunately, i'll be bloated tomorrow....but i do feel like studying. which is a good thing.

how am i feeling?  relaxed after this binge. and also antsy at the same time, knowing i have pushed my weightloss back and will continue to do so. and at the same time not worrying about the weightloss and sometimes even being fine with my weight now.  not that weight is everything.

i guess i am lonely at the moment. i want to see this guy again and i don't want things to ever get f-ed up.  that's really it. i don't think there are any other feelings. the pain from eating so much pretty much makes me UNABLE to think of any other feelings.

last night i was practically shaking thinking about him as he went home on his flight to florida....wondering when he'd finally text, which he did.

5:50pm edit: huge binge to the point of pain:

3:40 kashi bar while leaving school: 140  (1020 total cal. up to this point today)

4:00: taco bell chicken chalupa: 400.

4:30: wendy's fries:350      , like 2/3 of a kinda cold and leathery 1/4 pounder without cheese: 400    ,       oreo frosty : almost 1,000 for that frosty...total here: around 1750.

4:30 and on: mcdonalds: 4 pc chicken tenders (they gave me an extra): 650     , cinnamon bites: 500    , oreo mcflurry which was crappy but i did eat it just to fill up:   600 (surprised it wasn't more calories...?)    (total at this place: 1750)

and on: some of these crappy jells with sugar coating: 250 or so, some apple crisp my mom cooked (also not very good or crispy more like soggy from thanksgiving and now it's already monday tasting) 250 or so. very sick feeling.  and a chocolate or two 50 more.  (550...i'll round up to 650 here....bc it's better to overestimate than underestimate...)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

monday early in the day entry:

very healthy a good day so far. except tom is here, but that's not a bad thing really.

980 cal. balanced meals and snacks.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Nov 29, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

12 day avg is 2680...getting better :-)

breakfast: cooked strawberries 80, cereal and milk 270, coffee 50: 400.

snacks: tea and milk 100, banana 150. 250.

snack: bar 160

dinner: eggplant  and some celery and tofu and some noodles cooked, seasoned, sauced...400, crackers 260 total here: 660. 

:-)

total cal: 1470. perfecto.  :-)

exercise: bike for 30 min, and weights/back/abs for probably close to 2 hours at the gym.

absolutely great day.  :-)  and a healthy day. good on fiber, veggies, carbs, etc.

 even good on fruit.

side note: i miss him i feel like crying (but i never will actually do that.) 

overate at dinner bc i could.  glad i stopped before it got out of hand. i made myself a big portion so i was more than full and didn't want to reach for anything else.  I am feeling really good. prepared for the week and it's only 7:40pm.  And the gym gave me extra energy so i'm feeling great. 

I do feel quite needy right now. wish i really did have a boyfriend here. someone a bit more real than what i have now. i wish he wasn't lacking balls so much. it would have been quite nice to see him alone this weekend. but i am happy with how it went overall.

i hope that when he comes on christmas things will be even smoother. basically, that means some time alone.

i'm feeling a little tense, nervous, shakey.  i actually have time to read, i don't want to study. so i'll read this book i had taken out of the library and saved it just for this occasion of a little extra time. no more chores tonight. 

because this weekend went well, i'm very motivated to stay on track and keep up with the gym until christmas/new years (and beyond of course, but this is my short term goal.)

anyway, my heart is racing a little and it's a little difficult to relax but to the book i go.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

cybermom4 on 11/30/2009:
Congratulations - you've really come a long way!! :)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Nov 28, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

(past 11 day calorie average has lowered a little bit to 2790)

although donkey's advice was fantastic and the best, i didn't take it last night. i started the night with a shot of tequila and went on to have 5 malibu rum/diet cokes. yup. i was fine. it seems i metabolize liquor REALLY quickly. got really sweaty too, while dancing. lol. what a great night. i'll remember donkey's advice for future occasions.

he kissed me while we were out at the bar. i was totally not expecting him to make a move last night. we danced a lot and it was the best night i have had in definitely over a year (better than the wedding i went to two weeks ago!)

i am in heaven right now.

so happy.  we prob we not hang out again this weekend as he is pretty busy and will be going back to florida until christmas but this is a start.  i am so glad it all worked out.

breakfast:healthy.

lunch: sorta healthy.

snack: protein bar.

dinner: healthy. but i did kinda indulge.

so overall calories might be about 2250. but i'll just record it at 2250 bc i had an overall good day.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

selina on 11/29/2009:
Awww, how romantic, I LOVE unexpected kisses! Have a great week!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Nov 27, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

cal are prob more, but i'll say 2250 for today. i prob burned them all off with dancing a lot and the gym for two hours and a walk.

good morning. i'm relieved i didn't overeat in terms of calories yesterday. thankful i made the right choices. and a healthy dinner to boot. lol. anyways...

breakfast: oatmeal made with milk and peanut butter: 360, coffee 50, too much nasty jello 150: 560 total.

snack: i think a milkshake...180

snack: strawberries

snack: kashi bar 180

snack:flatbread 300

light dinner: turkey and green beans: like 220 or so.

tsf: 1450.

out for drinks tonight at the bar with many people.  i plan on drinking too much.   nervous like crazy to meet up with this guy, after TWO LONG years. :-(  my expectations are nonexistant. i hope it will be better than i expect it to be.... 

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/27/2009:
Good for you! Reading your menu so far makes me want to have some fruit for lunch. I will remember to include that.

When you go out to drink tonight, try to alternate liquor drinks with either club soda or water. Even Diet Coke. That will keep you busy and social (a glass in your hand) and better hydrated.

Have a good time tonight!

PS About the Ritz crackers thing: I've noticed that I tend to sabotage myself in this manner as well. I will have a little munch before the meal, and then the little munch becomes a big munch. But I still want to eat the meal, too! Must curb the munches.


loveray on 11/27/2009:
who is this boy you are meeting tonight?? xoxo


geevee on 11/27/2009:
Hi! Just wanted to say Hello. I'm back again and still trying to lose weight. How's your job situation? Last time I was on you were talking about trying to find a full time job. Well, in this economy, I guess it's the wrong question to ask unless, that is, you di find one before the crash.

I like Donkey's suggestion about alternating drinks!

Geevee



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Nov 26, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

overall calories: around a nice 2200. great! :-) and cheers to a good tomorrow....a good tomorrow night.

happy thanksgiving! :-)

breakfast: shake: 180. coffee 50: 230.  :-)

shake #2: 200

shake #3: 200

tsf: 630. great....haha, and ritz crackers.240 more.

tsf: 870 its ok....well, not really, but more ritz: total so far today: 1270...ew?  (but i could still eat like 1,000 cal and be considered "ok" for today...) and why not? i should not deprive myself bc it will just BACKFIRE. and, it's not like eating that much today will affect my general appearance tomorrow night.  i just need to be aware of what i'm eating, rather than be too regimented tonight. it will be hard for me bc all of the foods i'm eating tonight have added oils and butters. EVERYTHING. except for the salad. and the food is GREAT.  but, i must remember, this is NOT the last time i'll be eating these foods. and i must begin to put a little more consideration over how much i'm putting into my body daily. so i'll watch dinner. probably choose from some things, not everything. and i will try hard. eating a nice portion of turkey will help me feel satisfied, so even though i don't love it, i'll eat it for the healthy protein and to get full...bc i need that feeling in order to get through this night and not overeat. i will probably have no dessert, which is OK, bc i do only have 1,000 cal to spare, which is generally a lot for any other meal...

with the ritz, last night my dad threw them into my room after being highly disgusted i could eat the other two whole sleeves, each on a separate day but all at once. the ritz were bought less than a week ago and i finished all three sleeves of crackers in the box, each on a separate day and all at once basically.  today, i ate half the sleeve before and then a little later finished it off. I am not good at setting aside carbs for later.  or not finishing a sleeve when i know that the overall calories is not even that bad, but it is more than i wanted before a thanksgiving meal.

i have been thinking about him all day today. i've had a bit too much time on my hands. i helped my mom this morning with a bit of cleaning and not that much in the cooking area.  i did go out for a bike ride early in the afternoon for a little under an hour.  that's when the crackers all came in, after it.

while eating the crackers, i could not stop. i was feeling cold haha, rightfully so at first because i just had a cold milkshake.  after finishing the crackers, the last few servings not even as tasty and appealing as the first, i took a shower to get ready for this guy coming over. i was freezing in there and pretty much could not warm up unless the water was on full blast hot...so luckily by the end i was doing better. 

this morning i felt miserably tired.  i guess lack of sleep is still playing games with me. 

with him, i wasn't able to speak to him while he was waiting for his flight at the airport bc he was texting other people too. so we shall see. tomorrow night will be interesting. he's occcupied my day too long.

Thanksgiving: i guess i'll take a little of everything no need to be restraining...right? but, i may back off on dessert....hmmm, it's not like i can't have all these things to eat in the next few days...i will try to keep calories lower.  i will feel better if i do...but i will eat the things i want...which right now i'm just craving the cornbread....but then again, i do care right now more about calories than anything else...i see the guy i like tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Nov 25, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

(past 8 days = 2970/day)...( to make it easier, 3,000 per day for 8 days.)

breakfast: 360

bar: 140

tea and yogurt: 200

bar: 150

mcdonalds late lunch: 550: 1400 tsf

snack: 160 bar: 1560 tsf

dinner: wendy's small fries, chicken nuggets, small salad 20. total here: around 600.

total cal today: 2150 or so. nice day. happy. going to bed really soon!  (it's not even 8pm but i'm really, really, really tired.!)

exercise: 15 min cardio lol....and over an hour of weights! wahoo. i would have stayed longer but had an errand to do! :-) happy early thanksgiving.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!


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