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Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Sep 12, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 127.0

last binge up till today's binge was on 9/3 i believe. 9 days ago. my goal is not to give into ANY binging from tonight until October 11th when i have to go to a wedding. the goal includes no binging through the jewish holidays and days leading up to the wedding. this will prove VERY difficult!

1st time pigging out since i turned 26 on 9/9/08. it's like there's no escaping the binge. we have TONS of baked items in my house this week. any kind of pastry, cake, cookie, chocolate...we have it!

so, eating was ok throughout day.

binged in the late afternoon, ending around 5:15. obviously everything i eat was dinner also.

total calories: 3800. from 4:30-5:15 binge calories are 3100 of the total 3800 for the day. ew!

no exercise as of yet. might take today off.

part of this binge was hunger (but not much bc i just finished a starbuck's frappuccino)...the rest was definitely emotional: from tiredness...and moreso anxiety as i found some of the info we went through in class today to be a little difficult. but i'll manage. not stopping now!

Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

lafemme_loca on 09/12/2008:
Hey HoP, I really hope you can go with no binges !! :-) As for 20s, I discussed my fears of going on Wednesday and I followed up on Thursday about what it is and a little of what happened... I cried a lot... so I said, at some point I need to actually get my thoughts out for why I was so upset. However, I have been avoiding doing that because... yeah that is emotional pain, and I am not ready to delve into it...eventhough, I know I should. *sigh* So, that is what I meant about how I should talk about it. But, I did bring up that at 20s one of my friends had a mild heart attack... and it was also the birthday of a guy that I had a crush on for over a year and some who totally devestated me back in May/June (aka the fireman). So, there you go... drama... which I have been avoiding for awhile now... but at some point I need to deal with my emotions. *sigh*



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Sep 11, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 127.0

doing better today than yesterday! :)

breakfast bar: 240

snack another bar: 180

lunch: 1/2 sandwich: 250

snack: ounce wheat grass, starbucks oatmeal with dried fruit topping 260

total so far: 930 good.

dinner: green salad maybe, cucumber, eggplant parm. 400. maybe a little fruit

total 1350-1400. great!

Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

grumpy on 09/11/2008:
hellz yea! thats my girl!


thinnside40 on 09/11/2008:
OH Yes!......Fruit is better than the bars, but when I'm in a pinch for time and got a baby screaming, 2 toddler boys fighting. the neighbor wanting a ride to town & the phone ringing in between...I can be satisfied with a day of Khashi... Just hopefully not have to do it very often....

Have a good night's sleep!


loveray on 09/12/2008:
good work! i hope you are recovering from the emotional craziness going on around you lately! ps- how is that SB oatmeal? my co-workers are bringing it in, and i think it is so hilarious that they would never just consider making it at home- but it must be convenient. better be, when a cannister of oats costs $1.50 and the SB oat cup is like $4! love you.


Donkey on 09/12/2008:
Happy belated birthday! How is school going???? How are you doing otherwise?



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Sep 10, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 127.0

pissy, tired mood. not enough sleep and it's definitely adding up.

1220 cal so far. still need dinner.

update later.

dinner: microwavable: 400 total 1620. not bad. fine!

BLAH! i gave into temptation and had 6 chocolate candies with yummy centers. they were kinda not so small. i'll say a moderate 350 for those...plus dinner which was about 400.(750 total)

total for today: 1970. a bit high to try to lose weight but probably fine to maintain. ok. better tomorrow!!! :) yay

thanks for being supportive of me during difficult times. you have no idea how much i appreciate it! :)

Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

grumpy on 09/10/2008:
glad i can help girl! and you do comment pretty often, no worries. sometimes i dont have the energy to do it either. also, hospital food sounds like an awesome diet plan. hehehe. nah, really, sounds like a good thing to try. xo


thinnside40 on 09/10/2008:
Chocolate isn't a temptation 9/10 times... It is a neccessity I say !!!!!

Good Thursday to you!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Sep 09, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 127.0

i will definitely start commenting on your entries soon! :)

dinner = big portions. chicken, green beans with some oil and lots of garlic cloves, some health salad made with cabbage/peppers/carrots/vinegar/possibly some oil, a whole red pepper, cup of tomatoes. around 650? followed by a whole pear with sugar free strawberry jelly topping: 200? total 850 for dinner

total calories today: possibly 1690?? not a great choice of food for this many calories!!! at least i did eat some fruit/veggies!

unhealthy eating.

2 powerbars: 480 at different times during day

coffee 40

pickled foods and some cucumber: 80

3 lindt lindor milk chocolate balls: 240 very good!

total so far: 840.

Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 09/09/2008:
Whoops!...... Pickled foods? Like pickles????? I love pickles!..... "I'm on" and was having some major craves for munchies/salt, but the worst part is over with now...Til next time!


grumpy on 09/09/2008:
looks like you've been doing ok in the last few days though... can you see why you binge some days and you dont at others? maybe if you recognize the reasons it can help you prevent? xoxo


loveray on 09/09/2008:
you are doing well with such stressful events present. happy bday my love!


omahagrl on 09/09/2008:
you had a lot of veggies which is a good thing! Happy b-day!


lafemme_loca on 09/09/2008:
Happy Birthday !!! I hope you are doing well. You did well with the veggies and fruits... :-) Don't stress ! :-) Enjoy yourself ! *hugs*



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Sep 08, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

760 cal before dinner.

dinner: 400 cal and a DD jelly donut...gotta look up the cals...300 only hopefully. it was good! even though it was a day old.

total: 1460. not bad...actually 1500.

exercise: 2 mi

shiva/funeral company still going on.

.....

feeling fat and ugly and like i'm going to wake up with horrible pimples on my chin bc of stress and lack of sleep. don't want to ever binge again. (i didn't today but realize that i have done it soooo often this summer that i just don't want to have to think about it anymore!)

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

WI3 on 09/08/2008:
I am so sorry to read of your grandfather's passing and your grandmother's heart ache :(

Take care of yourself.


loveray on 09/08/2008:
HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!! XOXOXOO


thinnside40 on 09/08/2008:
Sounds like a lot going on, but looks like you are doing good....

Have a good evening!


Jen40 on 09/08/2008:
Sending soothing thoughts your way tonight, I hope you get some well needed rest.


lafemme_loca on 09/08/2008:
*HUGS* I hope you can have some rest and that you are able to stay strong and not turn towards food during stressful times. I have been thinking of you.


anewhb on 09/09/2008:
ope you got some sleep. If finding sleep difficult now - may consider ONE Tylenol P.M. or similar medicine. I use it from time to time and one does not make me drowsy in the a.m. Good calories - hang in there.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 07, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

last day before my class starts. i'm supposed to read another chapter in a different textbook. will have to do it MUCH later. I really want to get enough sleep tonight! i have to be waiting for the shuttle to the hospital at 7am.

breakfast/snack: vitamin water 80

late breakfast: starbucks vivanno: 270

lunch: deli: 500?

dinner: TONS of Turkey and health salad. no idea: guessing 800 total: 1650. very ok...and fruit: 1750?

a little antsy bc i just wanted to get ready for this program but people are coming over soon and i cannot read the book i need to look at.

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Moody2 on 09/07/2008:
Good luck with your classes tomorrow!! Very exciting!! Let us know how it goes!


Maria7 on 09/07/2008:
Calories look good! Hope you're doing okay!!!! Big smile to you!


loveray on 09/07/2008:
good luck! love to you.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 07, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

i was looking through my entries...how scary! only last week i binged 4500! i thought it's been longer. for some reason i'm so nervous for the next binge...

plan for monday: wakeup 5:30am...gonna be interesting...leave house by 6:30...

breakfast: cereal with almond milk and fruit: 200

snack: bar? 200?

lunch: grains with turkey and fruit: 340 approx.

snack: Vivanno after work? 250

dinner:?

this day has been planned in a very rushed manner...going to bed late too.

lots of company sunday and sunday night!

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

anewhb on 09/07/2008:
Not a normal routine today - Hope you were able to read thebook and that you sleep well. Exciting day Monday - don't wowrry if it doesn't go perfectly - First days are usually hectic, and with the funeral, company and totally being out of routine. Maybe it is an opportunity to be flexible. It will even out in a day or so......What is Vivanno?


Jen40 on 09/08/2008:
Have a great day. :O) I'm curious about vivanno too.


LaFemme_Loca on 09/08/2008:
Hope you had a great day ! :-)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Sep 06, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

this morning i went into see my grandmother bc she was sobbing a bit missing her husband. but then she stayed in bed a bit more as I got up and had breakfast.

breakfast: bread, avocado, hard boiled egg sandwich, peach, small glass almond milk: 350.

lunch: (MUST have good carbs after yoga)smoothie from Starbucks :) followed by a pickle and some sweet peppers at home. 300

total so far: 650

snack: kiwi and some bran crackers: 100

dinner: 2 pcs chicken, sauteed string beans, a red pepper, fruit salad. totally not sure on calories. guess: at most 650-700.

total calories: 1300-1400. good.

I'm going to yoga this morning and then probably some errands later. A walk tonight with my Uncle. Today nobody will be coming to the house bc it's a day of rest. I need to get a few last things done before going back to school for my first day on Monday. Sunday we will have people over and Monday/Tuesday (my bday) people may stop by but i will also be in school.

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/06/2008:
I did not have the opportunity to express my sympathies to you in your time of loss. I am sorry for the sadness in your family, but somewhat relieved that services (shiva) have passed and you survived. I think it's OK not to speak at the service. Silence is the first language of God. I wish more people would be silent more often... There is sacredness to silence, I think.

So just in case I forget or do not have time, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday early. And the best present of all is the one that you're giving yourself: an education to do a career that you will like (if not love). Nothing more fulfilling in life than a purpose.

Thinking of you today and always...


thinnside40 on 09/06/2008:
RE:"i see you are subsisting on bars today! Interesting...maybe a lot of sugar?"

Actually the breakfast (Khashi Cookie) was 5g sugar and the dinner was 7g of sugar (Khashi Bar).....I did better on not really being hungry yesterday than I have done in a long time... I do eat a lot of things with Splenda and trying to reduce that a bit.....Yesterday was an "off" day with how busy I was and I am so pre-occupied mentally with my g'ma & SIL health issues right now, maybe it is a good thing for me to really just kind of "not" pay attention so much what I am going to eat the next snack/meal and eat what seems to sound good (healthy of course, but maybe not a "meal" type food )... If I do think about it too much right now, then I will eat too much from stress, anger, being blue, etc.........

Have a good day & fun @ yoga!


grumpy on 09/06/2008:
Aw sorry your grandma was sad, but must be good for her to have you around. as for moving away, i dont know girl, seems like it's so important to you that maybe there's a way to pull it off. you're so smart and talented, i am sure you can think of something you could do on your spare time for extra money. how about school dorms? and also sharing a place with a couple of others. i have friends in school who can live pretty cheap. think about that. xoxo


Moody2 on 09/06/2008:
So sorry to hear about your grandpa~its never an easy thing to go through..I'm glad that you are there for your grandma~blessing to you and your family~


loveray on 09/06/2008:
i hope you are hanging in there- thinking of you!! xo


selina on 09/06/2008:
Take care HOP - it's going to be nice to go to school - new friends, academic environment, new clothes, new schedule to follow. Enjoy each new thing!


Animob on 09/07/2008:
Aw... What a nice granddaughter you are... Hope Your granma is ok now. :) Sounds like your doing great with your food intake.. Ahhh.. Yoga... Nice one! :) Take care! :)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Sep 05, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

thank you all so much for your condolences. the ceremony went well today. i didn't speak at it, but my sister, dad, uncle, and grandmother all did. i am kinda shy for public speaking and i knew i wouldn't feel comfortable up there. i didn't feel bad about it at all, bc everyone pays their respects differently.

breakfast: avocado and hb egg sandwich, fruit, almond milk 350.

lunch: coldcuts, deli stuff: 450?? can't really imagine more.

snack: cereal w. almond milk, and drink with special k protein powder in my water, and strawberries: 260 yup.

total so far: 660...i'll round to 700.

dinner: egg, MANY tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, 2 interesting green dumplings, and some cooked chinese broccoli and other veggies in sauce. Hopefully not more than 650.

total around 1300-1350 today.

walked 4 mi in evening with my uncle.

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 09/05/2008:
Have a good evening & I am glad to hear that you made it through the service and in the way you chose to compose yourself, instead of being uncomfortable... We all deaal with certain circumstances in an individual way.. Nobody else can tell the other how to deal with it, just can't......


lafemme_loca on 09/05/2008:
*hugs* my condolences and I am glad that you were able to get through it all.


Jen40 on 09/06/2008:
*hugs* I am so sorry you lost your grandfather and that things are so stressful right now for you, too. You can vent in your own diary anytime you like, that's what it's there for. Hope your weekend is peaceful and relaxing.


anewhb on 09/06/2008:
Aw, HOP. Good job making it through a stressful time. Did you enjoy walk with Uncle? Was there any room for bonding there? Love to your Grandmother....what is her age? If your G'father was 97 - wow they must have been together for a LONG time! To still have them both a those ages - I hope her health is well. God bless you all.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Sep 04, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 129.0

i apoligize if anyone was offended by what i said earlier today in this entry.

anyways, things are alright by me with my family here. i'll be going to bed shortly. we have the funeral tomorrow. i have not chosen to make a speech...i'd be very uncomfortable doing that. my sister, dad, and possibly uncle will say a few words.

eating went well. approx 1500-1700 calories.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1 pc bread, poached salmon, and avocado sandwich,plums, almond milk: 550?

Grandfather passed away today. He was a healthy man up until when one of his toes got badly infected. By healthy, I mean he was NEVER on ANY medications or life support. He died at the age of 97. He had a very strong heart. I haven't seen him for a long time - only my dad would visit him in the nursing home. So tomorrow is the funeral and my grandmother, sister, and uncle will be staying at my house the next few days.

I have a short while today pretty much to get ready for my school...I need to pick up some clothes BADLY. i gained some weight back and i need all clothes that fit...as well as black clothing for the ceremony. then, supposedly there'll be shiver (however you spell it) at my house for a week...but my school starts Monday which i obviously cannot miss. life's interesting.

(OF COURSE EXERCISE IS ****ING ONHEARD OF RIGHT NOW - AND WHO KNOWS THE REST OF THE FREAKIN WEEK!!!!!!!!! - UNLESS I WAKE UP AT 5AM BUT STILL THAT WOULDN'T BE PLAUSABLE...NOT LOOKING FOWARD TO SEEING EVERYONE WITH MY FAT SELF) ANGRY. MOM DOESN'T GIVE A **** IF I EXERCISE OR NOT. PISSED OFF. I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY FREAKIN CLOTHES FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS FOR SCHOOL BEFORE I START WEARING THE UNIFORM AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET THEM SINCE I DIDN'T EARLIER THIS WEEK. I'M SOOOO ANGRY. SO INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE GYM THIS MORNING I HAVE TO RUSH TO FIND CLOTHES. THERE'S NOT EVEN A WORD I CAN USE TO DESCRIBE HOW MISERABLE AND UPSET AND ANGRY I AM. YEAH, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME EITHER. I KNOW. I'M JUST PISSED. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY ANNOYING MOTHER AT ALL. IT'S NOT EVEN HER DAD. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD BUSY EVEN MEANS TO THINK THAT PREPARING FOR THIS FUNERAL IS A HUGE ORDEAL WHEN IT COULD BE A LOT DIFFERENT.

Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

anewhb on 09/04/2008:
Sorry to hear about your grandfather. Glad you had your vent here. Go do what you have to do and move forward. I get anxious when I have to see people I haven't seen in a long time and I don't think I am at my "healthiest" weight, too. Chances are others are just glad to see you and don't really care what you weigh. It sounds like you admired your grandfather. Celebrate his life and everything else will get caught up later.

P.S. I ate an avacado last night and thought of you. I liked them, but don't usually eat them. What do you put on them to jazz them up a little?


grumpy on 09/04/2008:
sorry to hear about your grandfather. as for your mother, girl, i think you need to make long term plans of moving out of there. is that on the horizon?


selina on 09/04/2008:
I'm so sorry to hear about your grampa. I remember you mentioned him once to me before. It's so sad....

concerning your mom, I agree with grumpy. Stay well!


liza36 on 09/04/2008:
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


thinnside40 on 09/04/2008:
Hope you got some nice new clothes and it didn't take very long to shop!

Sorry to hear of the family loss...


omahagrl on 09/04/2008:
Sorry for your loss


loveray on 09/04/2008:
i am so sorry to hear of your loss...my condolences are with you and your family. i pray you are able to stay strong during this time...especially with food. love to you.


Animob on 09/04/2008:
I am sorry to hear about the bad news. Take care.. Hugs...


Animob on 09/04/2008:
Ow.. yes.. About my protein intake yes... There is a protein in my Herbalife shake.. :)


Agent_Guber on 09/04/2008:
I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather, you must feel devestated. I hope the clothing all works out for you and you can leave some of that frustration behind. (((HUGS))



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