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Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Dec 27, 2007

Weight: 130.0

After lunch, Friday edit: Today has been a good eating day. Although I have eaten past full, I have stuck to my plans and eaten much slower, so that I am satisfied when I finish. calories so far are 770 with healthy foods - and more grains than usual which is good because I feel that whole grains affect low blood sugars better than vegetables do...which leads me to overeat when I don't get the grains in right away and just stick to veggies.

I'm also doing well because I'm meeting my frind for a walk later and maybe coffee. I have plans for a LATE dinner at 8:30pm with some friends. I plan on ordering a salad at dinner with like no dressing. I'm doing good with calories and will not mess this up. I find I do best when keeping my calories in the 1500s. Like Donkey mentioned to me, if I keep them too low at like 1300, I do tend to binge. 1500 is doable for me. I notice some loss around my stomach. Probably only a pound or two!...but that's progress! :)

I've already done yoga for 1.5 hours and I will go again late this afternoon. No walking except with my friend...and the rest of the time i'll spend studying...for entrance exams that are coming up!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thursday entry:

exercise today is...FOUR HOURS!!! yes, 2 yoga classes and one hour walk! :) yay!

total exercise: 43 hours, 25 min :)

calories were bingy around lunch, but not as bad. total cal: 1510, good!

tomorrow and the next few days i'm meeting people for lunch/dinner. i hate food gatherings...they make me tend to binge before and after...and sometimes during. so, i will be mindful of that and do my best not to let that happen...especially because weightloss is slowly taking place and i don't want to ruin that for myself! I am working pretty hard to look better physically...why destroy my good effort!? I know EXACTLY what needs to be done! :)

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

starfish on 12/27/2007:
I have faith that you can do well tomorrow :) Keep up the good work.


hollybelle on 12/28/2007:
You know - I think Donkey has a good point, too. Resricting down too low does set me up for over-doing it because I feel like I am being deprived. I am going to adjust my calories, too, when I start counting them again.


workingit2 on 12/28/2007:
Healthy foods are so satisfying, just in a different way..but a better way! Have a great day, HOP!


greengirl on 12/28/2007:
You sound much happier and more confident HoP. I too think that Donkey has been giving good advice. Keep up the good work :o)


mylifechanges on 12/28/2007:
hey HoPs! I'm so glad to see that you're doing well...I love seeing that you've regained your confidence since my last posts here...enjoy your walking/coffee date (one of the things I miss most about having close girl friends since I've been on the island!) and your dinner date with friends. You're doing great!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Dec 26, 2007

Weight: 130.0

2200 cal.

3hrs, min exercise. (3hrs yoga, i serisouly sit around all day unless i go to yoga - i'm on vacation and not working) I promise to get in a morning walk tomorrow...even 25 min is fine with me!

total: 39 hrs, 25 min:)

GG, i haven't seen you on in a long time! I hope you are well!!! :)

i'm seriously afraid to weight myself anymore because i don't want it to affect my mindset or rate of weightloss. I will ONLY weigh when I am satisfied with my appearance, which is not yet! LOL. when do i think...it'll definitely take a few months. I have the motivation to stay on track. most importantly, i need to remember to RELAX. whenever i'm too rushed, it goes totally downhill. hmmm, i may actually be extraordinarily stressed in a few months if i start teaching music for a teacher on maternity leave. hey, i guess i have to roll with the punches. meaning, that's life. if i was offered the position, yes, i would take it...if only for two months till the end of the year.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Runner on 12/26/2007:
I'm only going to weigh when I am satisfied with my appearance, too! We can do this, HOP!!!


harleygirl79 on 12/27/2007:
I have found the best judge of my losing was the way my clothes felt. Especially when I don't see that scale move, it can get discouraging. You may be losing inches, which in my opinion, is better. As we workout, we build muscle which weighs more. Good Luck and Happy New Year!!!


fritters on 12/27/2007:
Maybe not weighing is a good idea. I have never tried it and am a little afraid of what might happen! BUT it might be a positive thing that happens.

It would be great if you got to teach music for a couple months. Isn't that what you went to school for? It would give you a chance to see if that is what you would like to do ful time.

You are doing so good with the exercise - 3 hours is a lot! You could go compete with the biggest loosers!!!!


Donkey on 12/27/2007:
Why don't you just wait and weigh in on January 1st? That's what I did last year. Everything I did this year has been in comparison to my starting weight this year. It's been a real eye-opener for me. Consider it.

2200 calories is pretty good. If you start restricting way down into like 1300, not only will your metabolism shut down but it will set you up for another binge cycle. Keep up the good work!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Dec 25, 2007

Weight: 130.0

Wed morning edit: i'm having a nice, relaxing morning. reading and going online. yoga soon. healthy drinks and nuts for breakfast! :)

HMMMMM. ARG! one more edit, lunch was a hefty 1500. so grand total is 1900, for now. But, I am NOT upset too much and I know that my results so far are not to be ruined...the day is still save-able! :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tuesday:

I am content with how i spent the day. In the morning, i mostly sat around at the computer, trying to also do a little reading which I will finish after a take another 1/2 hour walk on the treadmill tonight.

I ate really healthy foods all morning, which I am really, really happy about. I am unstressed, finally! I cannot say that I stopped eating when full, but I didn't have any all out binging today. I am so proud of how i've been eating, you have no idea. I do NOT have a desire to go out to eat...and I know I will be. The plan? possibly eat beforehand a lot; and then only order a salad - just veggies and balsamic vinegar dressing. If i do that, i will not have a problem with calories at all.

The truth is, i know i've at least lost 1/4 or 1/2 a pound. lol, i don't want to think to big! I REFUSE to weigh myself at all...until i'm happy with how i look in the mirror. This is what i will use to let me know. You know, i may never weigh myself and just go by how clothes fit. Weighing gives me anxiety...so i figure i know how to count calories and pigging out means weight gain - i don't need a scale. if i know how much i eat everyday, i'll know if the end result is a loss or gain!

yoga was closed today...but tomorrow you can be sure i'll be there twice!! i just have to stay motivated to go back that second time.

instead, i walked a 1/2 hour in the afternoon...and i will do a 1/2 hour more soon.

1 hr exercise today.

total exercise: 36 hrs, 25 min :) yay! :)

I can get 50 hours exercise this December, which is definitely possible with days of 3 hrs of yoga per day!

calories are an outstanding, and pretty healthy i must add, 1230! :)

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

timeforachange on 12/25/2007:
Congratulations on having an awesome calorie day! I think your idea of not weighing and just using the way you see yourself and how clothes fit is an awesome way to track your progress. I think I might use that idea too because I hate getting obsessed over a stupid number! Anyway, no way do I want to lose 5 pounds in one week, it would be nice to lose them by January 31st in a month because that's when I'm going to see my husband. He's in Koreaaaa....far far away haha. But yeah, I agree that 5 pounds in a week isn't healthy and I'm definetly inspired by your entry and will try that method of tracking. Hope you had a nice day, sounds like you did! God Bless and goodnight!


Moody2 on 12/26/2007:
I don't know how you can do 3 hours of yoga a day! Even going to 2 classes a day is amazing! You get a gold star from me~just incredible. I like how you are adding up the hours per month of exercise. I think I'm going to start doing that in January..Do you track in on paper or just on here..or in your head? Curious how you do that..

Anyway, keep up the great job..you're awesome!


geevee on 12/26/2007:
Challah is a gift from GOD! Oh, my! ALL Jewish food is. Somehow I've always

lived in a Jewish neighborhood with all those wonderful delis - seeded ryes,

kosher pickles, kraut, latkes...My family would be thrilled if we only had Jewish food on Christmas Eve!!!

There used to be a bagel place a few blocks away when my kids were in elementary school. They'd never ask for money for ice cream or candy after school, but money for a bagel!!! They'd have to buy one for me too.

Yeah, so the situation is I have far too many carbs sitting there tempting me and no place at all in my freezer or fridge, and you know I CAN'T throw good, not good but GREAT food away! That's a crime.

BTW when I'd buy a Challah, it would never make it to the following day. My kids would eat slice after slice until it was ALL GONE!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Dec 24, 2007

Weight: 130.0

I could have probably even slept longer this morning. I woke up twice throughout the night, but had a few sips of water and went back to sleep. I am very happy that I stayed with 1550 calories yesterday and I want that same success today. I know I can do it!

I didn't do my usual walk this morning. Instead, I will begin putting away a few mounds of clean clothes and then head off to yoga at 9:30am. After that, I'll come back here, eat, read, and possibly clean the bathroom. Perhaps i'll take a 1/2 hour walk. Then, back to yoga at 4pm.

breakfast: smoothie: chocolate protein powder, almond milk, canned pumpkin, cinnamon. an apple. total 320 cal. :)

After my morning yoga, I ended up being slightly bingy, but ate healthy foods. lunch was a kiwi, 1 cup egg whites with some fiber mixed in, one package of microwave seasoned veggies, a few cherry tomatoes. then, i had an entire kombucha, a large tea with some milk, and, later, a grapefruit.

calories: 890.

before yoga, 1/4cup nuts and a mini lollipop. 1110 calories

after my afternoon yoga (i love this unlimited yoga pass and love it!), an apple and some salad. total 1200 cal.

dinner will definitely be more veggies, lots of veggies, and egg whites. (for some reason, my skin is really bad and i think its from diet soda and eating too much refined carbs and sugar this week...like brownies and cookies, etc!)

total exercise: 3 hrs, but no cardio, only yoga. :)

dec exercise: 35 hrs, 25 min :)

total cal: 1450 :) how nice!

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

maria777 on 12/24/2007:
Merry Christmas!


Donkey on 12/25/2007:
Great day! I hope you think so too! I'm so glad you are liking yoga -- that was a great investment, don't you think? :-)


Moody2 on 12/25/2007:
Woweee, 3 hours of exercise?! And there is no such thing as "only yoga." Yoga is a fantastic workout! I took it last Spring and it kicked my ass..Loved it mind you, but much more of a workout than I ever expected!!


workingit2 on 12/25/2007:
Merry Christmas!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Dec 23, 2007

Weight: 130.0

so amazing, i lost my appetite and now its only partially back...and not enough to eat and ruin my calorie count for today. today's cals: 1550 and I'm so happy about that. It means i'm still very much on track! :) I only went to yoga once today...the times were too close and i was too full to go after lunch. Only a 20 minute morning walk.

exercise today: 1hr, 50 min.

total Dec: 32 hrs, 25min :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

yesterday my success-streak was slightly hampered with a 2300 cal day. I am impressed that calories didn't go up to at least 2500, though. The last meal I ate was around 3pm and I had started to get hungry again. However, i instead went to bed early since I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. This guy I met online called but i wasn't in the mood to talk last night...so i will call him back tonight. Does anyone ever have those days where they just want to be alone? You see, i'm on vacation, and that's really all i want most of this week. antisocial, maybe a little.

today's calories were going pretty well, but I did overeat after lunch. I had 2 servings of pretzels and a long chocolate and m&m coated pretzel, all of this increasing calories by 440. so, calories are now up to 1270. My low goal for calories today is 1570. I would have veggies and egg whites with some fiber mixed in for dinner. sounds tasty and this would keep me pretty much in focus, calorie-wise. I want to try to stick to 1500 calorie days throughout vacation to help me in my weight loss.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/23/2007:
Thanks for your comments!

Don't throw away today because of your "high" day yesterday. That's not all that high, for one thing, and if you were to be doing calorie cycling, that would be just fine. Then you would want to be lower today, like around 1500-1600, and then back up to 1800 tomorrow. OR you could do something like 1800-2000 today, and then down to 1500-1600 tomorrow. Ya know? I mean, you can come off the peak gradually, or you can drop the calories down low and then go back to "medium". You're doing just fine for today!

PS I am always anti-social and cynical. :-)


shadetree on 12/23/2007:
It's okay to be antisocial from time to time. it's your vacation, do what you like. and since you don't do christmas, you probably don't have any family social things that you feel obligated to participate in - this can be a good thing! The movie sounds like a good idea - my old roommate and I used to go to the movies Christmas night every year...our way of getting away from those family get togethers that just seem to drag on and on and on and on...

Whatever you do, I hope you have a relaxing time!


geevee on 12/23/2007:
Any day that youlose your appetite is a BANNER day in my book! Why don't we have them more often?



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Dec 22, 2007

Weight: 130.0

saturday afternoon edit: i was certainly really positive in this same entry, earlier in the day. I kinda binged, a little. I did stop because i started to not like that uncomfortable feeling...and i know yoga will be more difficult which i DON'T want.

so, instead of another low/moderate calorie day, I had 2300. I will not eat anything else tonight, just water. tomorrow's a new day.

exercise so far: 2 hrs, 20 min :) I would have went to yoga again, but I have to pick up my parents at the airport...

____________________________________________________

saturday morning edit:

My parents come home today from their Caribbean cruise. They left a message and it sounds like they had a good time. I'm pretty sure that both my sister and I will go together to the airport to pick them up...haha, i'm not even sure what time! It would be nice if they left that in the message as well.

I also have to go to the oral surgeon today to have him look at the places in my mouth where my wisdom teeth were removed...and maybe take out the stitch he put in.

I am making sure the house is completely as neat as possible for my parents arrival. NO clothes anywhere near the washer and dryer so that they can use it as much as they like. I will make sure the dishwasher is done, even though it really wasn't full, so that all the plates and glasses are clean. I put their mail neatly in order. haha, and i took the garbage out, but while cleaning yesterday I filled the garbage can outside again like halfway and it looks like i didn't leave the pails out for the garbagemen...so i'm taking some bags of garbage with me to discard at a dumpster near the oral surgeon so my parents don't think i didn't forget to bring out the garbage bags. I just want them to be pleased when they come home. :) The card and flowers should be nice, too.

Calories are good so far and they will remain good because i care. I had a good protein smoothie for breakfast followed by 1/4 cup sunflower seeds.

total cal so far: 420. i like that i had the seeds because they add VERY health fat to my diet...i tend to lack on healthy fat and my skin is compromised. It'll get dry and break out at the same time!

more updating later. have a good Saturday.

oh, and this vacation is ALL about relaxing. No dating, no stress, no worries. yoga and relaxation....and one day of volunteering...and probably visiting my Grandmother at least one time at the nursing home. but, that's really about it. i don't want to overschedule myself.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

timeforachange on 12/22/2007:
Sounds like a good plan for the holiday vacation! YThat's funny about the trashbags! haha I would probably do the same thing though. Keep up the good work with your calories and exercise! Hope you have an awesome day!


fritters on 12/22/2007:
You are such a good kid! Your parents are lucky to have you. Your relaxing plans sound like just what you (and the rest of us) need.

I am not a teacher - I'm a lunch lady. I am a kitchen manager and absolutly love my job!


geevee on 12/22/2007:
The "stress diet" started out so innocently, I almost lost interest until that one kiss appeared at lunch. There WAS hope. I almost began it with an explanation to not rush to judgment; give it time, blah blah, but then I realized that all dieters start out with the best of intentions and then that one little laspse, like the kiss, sets one off in the opposite direction. The best part for me was that desserts spelled backwards is stressed! Glad you enjoyed it. I sure did.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Dec 21, 2007

Weight: 130.0

overall a good day. I definitely got a lot of errands out of the way, did 50 minutes walking in the morning, and was able to do yoga in the evening. I feel good to get so much done, even laundry. The house will be so nice and clean when my parents return home tomorrow afternoon. I picked up a nice arrangement of flowers and a card for them to welcome them back. :)

Hopefully my sister will chip in for the card and flowers...we'll see. Otherwise, I'll just sign the card myself and take on the credit on the flowers. She's old enough to make a contribution, it's only fair!

exercise: 2 hrs, 20 min :) very nice.

total ex: 28 hrs, 15 min :)

calories 1450.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

maria777 on 12/21/2007:
Good on the exercise! Bet your folks will LOVE the flowers! That is SOOOO sweet!


starfish on 12/21/2007:
hey! good going on the exercise :)


fritters on 12/21/2007:
Lots of exercise on a busy day! I bet your partents will love the flowers. What a thoughtful thing to do.


timeforachange on 12/21/2007:
Great job on the exercise! Glad you had a good Friday! =)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Dec 20, 2007

Weight: 130.0

Friday afternoon edit:

So, the concert last night was excellent...best high school concert i've ever seen in my life! why? because the band played as well as a college band...all the students knew the music REALLY well! The chorus was so good they give me chills...although one kid fainted! but, there were so many faculty members at the concert that more than enough people were able to get the kid off the risers fast! There was a concluding performance where all alumni where allowed to come up from the audience to take part in singing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus from the Messiah. The band played this as well. also, there were small ensembles made up of low brass, trombones and tubas and euphoniums, that played inbetween the large group performances (two bands, women's chorus, full chorus, and orchestra!!!). This district certainly knows how to wow its audiences!!! I've never seen such a heartfelt performance. The music was beautiful. :)

eating today has been good. complete with a piece of a brownie. just a piece = portion control. yay :) 930 calories so far... :) Have a good day...i am. :)

================================================

Thursday entry:

Today has gone pretty well. since i live so close, i walked home today for lunch because i didn't want the handful of nuts that I packed for myself. Instead, i microwaved a large amount of broccoli with thyme and a little olive oil. I also had a protein shake that i added pumpkin into. It tasted very good with some cinnamon, too.

calories have been ok as well! I wanted to go to yoga; and actually drove there. however, i was late, so i came back home. It's close by, so that's ok. there was too much traffic. I'm going to attend a HS concert today because I promised myself I would...although i'd rather just go to yoga and call it a night. You see, although I'm not actually teaching music/band this year, I still make an effort to attend a few concerts...I want to see if my spark is still there at all...and if teaching music is something I can see myself doing in the future, if ever again. It DOES create a little stress going to them...and I enjoy them if the groups play well. Every school and district is different. We'll see how tonight goes.

exercise: 1 hr, 10 min. ok!

total exercise: 25 hrs, 55 min :)

i ate some more protein/fiber shake with pumpkin...its really good and is like a pudding! But, I'm starting to do it because I think i'm looking for some comfort and someone to talk to! lol, i'm sitting here, writing comments, getting antsy. I got a gift of chocolate covered pretzels coated in all kinds of things: sprinkles, white chocolate pieces, nuts. I don't want to open it today. But, i might as well keep it, I do know the calories because they're listed. Perhaps I could fit it into my calories each day on the vacation? we'll see.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

maria777 on 12/20/2007:
Your brocoli sounds fantastic! Have a good day!


fritters on 12/20/2007:
You are having such a good day - and no binging!! Way to go! I hope you enjoy the concert. I love all the Holiday programs that the schools put on.


jon'smom on 12/21/2007:
Glad you enjoyed the concert. Great job with the calories!


fritters on 12/21/2007:
I am glad that you enjoyed the concert. AND - you are having a good day!!!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Dec 19, 2007

Weight: 130.0

better day today, despite eating 800 cal worth of cookies in the faculty room at lunch.

calories: 1470.

exercise: 2hrs, 15 min. yes, i did some yoga, :)

total DEC exercise: 25 hrs, 45 min :)

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

OnlySkinDeep on 12/19/2007:
Good job on the exercise. I splurged on some Christmas candy as well. :X


harleygirl79 on 12/20/2007:
Wish I could do YOGA, don't have the patience. LOL Way to go! Merry Christmas



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Dec 18, 2007

Weight: 130.0

Wed morning edit: I just took a slow 45 min walk on the treadmill. I'm feeling soooo tired. I wish vacation started today. My plan is to come home and sleep...and not eat. I eat when i'm tired, but what i really need is to catch up on the sleep that i've been missing for over a week now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

does it make sense that all i want to do is escape from everything, loose weight, know an answer to my currently undecided future, and come back a different person? that's how i've felt this whole school year. life is moving downhill this year...and its upsetting. there's not much i can actually do at my job, since its for a year and i just need to stick with it.

this evening, i was looking at someone's pictures online that i haven't seen for at least like 10 years! she looks so good - and you can tell she's incorporated a ton of fitness and activity into her life.

what's wrong with me? I know i can be VERY lazy, at times. honestly, i have no idea what i want anymore. but, i can tell you, i am sick of ,,y life and what i do everyday. i'm bored and at the same time tired out. maybe i just need some sleep - i haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week. and being full like this, i doubt i'll sleep well tonight, either.

i'm supposed to go on a date with someone from online soon - but i don't want to. i don't feel good about myself...and i won't in this weekend or next week. like i said earlier, i want to disappear...not literally. i just want to change myself...and come back better. I hate how i look and i know how to make the changes. but, at the same time, i just want to get away, from everyone and anyone. :(

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i don't know if its depression or not. honestly, it probably isn't. i just don't have a decided future and i'm having a difficult time with life.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

exercise in AM: one full hour, yay.

23 hours, 30 min :)

after work turned deadly, though. i binged on brownies, cookies, yogurt, bread.

total cal: 3050...hopefully no more!

no yoga tonight. i've also decided to take the night off from volunteering. i need to catch up on sleep and re-evaluate my goals. (health goals, that is.)

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

fritters on 12/18/2007:
I have found myself in a few binges latley too - BUT you are a lot braver than me. You at least cound the calories. I never want to know!!


shadetree on 12/18/2007:
HOP, I agree with WI2, I really do think that you need to go talk to a doctor and figure out just why this is happening, whether physical or mental. Sometimes we cannot do it all ourselves and we need outside help. It is not a bad thing to need help with a problem - but it can take a lot of strength to admit that we need help. I hope you can find the strength to do whatever it is that you need to do for yourself.


fritters on 12/18/2007:
Horn Of Plenty - I am really concerned after reading your edit. You sound very depressed. A lor of school districts offer a counceling service free of charge. Is there anything available to you? I really think that you need to talk to a professional. They may be able to give you some advice on the benging also.

Is this normally a hard time of year for you? Are you missing anyone in your life that makes the holidays harder? You ususlly sound pretty up-beat, even when describing a binge. I am worried about you and hope you have someone (a real face to face person) that you can talk to.

Please take care of your self. Blessings Fritters


hollybelle on 12/19/2007:
First of all, you are not lazy. You are about the most consistent exerciser on here and you are always on the go. I don't know if you are depressed or not, but you may be in what is commonly referred to as a "rut". It happens to lots of people at different times in their lives. I experienced this in my early 20's and in the last few years some, too - kind of a place where you aren't particularly totally miserable, but you sure aren't satisfied with life, either. It is by going in search of that satisfaction that drives us to our destructive behaviors, sometimes. I think the idea of a counselor is a a good one because those are the people who are nutral third parties who can help us figure out what we want to do "next". Worked for me. I hope you will consider it and not look at it as a "weakness" to seek outside advice.


workingit2 on 12/19/2007:
The only advice I can keep giving you is to go see a doctor and rule out any medical problems that you may have, including depression. Often, people who are depressed don't know they are depressed or people who are counted on to be the strong person or the one who always gives and bends for others, won't allow themselves to think they are depressed or that anything could be wrong. Your entry about wanting to go away and come back better is something I, myself, say when I am getting into my depression and that, as well as other things, is a signal to me that I need to go back on my medication for a little while until things even out.

There is nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with seeking outside advice. Trying to do everything ourselves is sometimes more exhausting than it needs to be.

I lived a lot of years trying to correct things on my own because I didn't want to go to the doctor and admit that I couldn't handle my own life. That having my kids was too much stress. That I couldn't be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. All those thoughts swirled around in my head all the time and no matter how many pages I wrote in my diary (pen and paper version), nor how many times I prayed, etc. I couldn't shake what was inside me. When I finally got help, it was too late to stop the nervous breakdown that happened and put me in hospital for two weeks. I tried hard to be everything that I thought I should be, that I thought everyone wanted me to be...it took my mind breaking into a million pieces to show me that I didn't need to do EVERYTHING or have all the answers RIGHT NOW. I went on medication, went to counseling, saw a proper batch of MD's and began to heal my mind. Just because something earth-shattering hasn't happened doesn't mean you can't be depressed. And what you think are minor issues, can be major issues when someone has depression or another medical condition.

I am going to bow out of your journal with giving you advice, much like biscotti did, because I am only going to keep saying the same thing. Those of us who have watched you struggle are pulling for you always..and you have my support.

Seek professional help. We will be here to support you in friendship. You are worth every second you can spend getting your thoughts collected and your path corrected. And it CAN happen and it WILL happen. Don't wait too long like I did, that is the hard way. Anyway, please take care of yourself.


Donkey on 12/19/2007:
I can't really add much more than what has already been said about the eating. So let me address your 45 min walk this morning. There could be several reasons for feeling tired: not used to exercising in the morning, depressed, bingeing. I've been struggling with the eating too, and my morning workout today was SO. HARD. I couldn't do everything I wanted to do, and that which I was able to do was incredibly difficult (which it should not be).

Anyway, my point is, if you truly intend on becoming a morning exerciser, don't give up after today. It takes about a week to get into the "groove" (and then it does feel great, because it's a wonderful way to start the day). But if you are eating a bunch of crap, you won't feel good about exercising, working, being, life in general. But then, that's what others have already said, so I've said enough. Don't give up!!!



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