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Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 24, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Friday afternoon 5pm edit: it's been a long day and i'm very tired. I am going to go to yoga, though, because I do not think it could possibly take any more energy of of me than is already taken out.

I was dehydrated this morning and my mouth was really sticky and white along my lips. I didn't realize until i looked in the mirror. I immediately drank a ton of water after that. I think its because i went to yoga last night and didn't rehydrate enough afterwards.

i will comment on your journals tonight! :) Enjoy your evenings.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

late Thursday night edit: 1520 calories. very good day. goodnight, I am soo tired!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

5:20pm edit: NO binge today. yes!!! I am a tad tired, though. I've been up since about 3am! I will go to yoga. calories are 1290...My goal is to stay in the 1500s. Very doable! :)

yoga time....

Funny story, I decided to walk to the test today. It's only a mile away! My sister usually uses my car anyway, so I took the walk. It was a bit cold...around 27 degrees...but an overall good walk! Then, I walked back, had a snack and went to work for a 1/2 day.

exercise will be 2hrs, 10 min. :) yay.

total exercise: 34hrs, 30 min :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today is my last entrance exam for another radiography program. It starts at 9 only a few blocks away from my house. The test is about 3 hours, so I called in for a 1/2 sick day at work.

I woke up MAD early, as usual when I things on my mind. Obviously, what's on my mind today is the test! How early, you ask? 3am. I layed in bed, tossing and turning until 4:30 when I couldn't take it any longer. Since then, now its 5:50, I have had a large apple and 3 extra extra large cups of tea with milk and sweet and low. (200 cal total) I do not want to binge before my test...and I will not. I think I may go back to sleep for an hour now.

I haven't had a good walking plan in the morning for a couple of weeks now. I may get back into it starting tomorrow with no less than a 1/2 hour walk in the AM. I'm getting lazy and caring more about calories than cardio exercise i think. When I do not exercise in the morning, I believe its easier to keep calories low during the school day bc I don't need as much fuel.

I definitely DON'T want to miss yoga tonight at 6:30 due to being tired. I will not give into temptation to binge or miss yoga! But, I think I will make an effort to get to bed really early...even 9pm or earlier if I am that wiped out from no sleep! :)

borntocry on 01/24/2008:
Wow, that really is mad early. That's about the time I went to sleep last night!

I feel like I have to make the same trade-off between calories and cardio. If I go running on my lunch break, then I pretty much have to eat something quite substantial afterwards, whereas if I don't do any exercise I can go the whole day without eating. But then by the time I leave work I don't have much energy and am more likely to blow off any plans for an evening exercise session. I don't know what the solution is. These days I'm concentrating on the exercise but after a high-calorie day I tend to concentrate more on the calories.

Chances are you're going to be really tired this evening so you might have to rely on tea/coffee to keep yourself going. Good luck with the exam!


workingit2 on 01/24/2008:
Little by little you are learning all the pieces of the puzzle that trigger your binges and you are getting them in better control..good for you!! Good luck on the exam!!


fritters on 01/24/2008:
4:30 is a horrible time to get up (but that is when my alarm goes of)! I hope you gat enough rest to beable to do your best on your test. You should be ready to crash early- sleep instead of binging!! You sound like you are really figuring yourself out. That is so good. Good luck today!


fritters on 01/24/2008:
I have been reading through diaries and the comments that were left, and I have to tell you, I love reading what you write. You have such good insight and good information AND good since of humor! It is always fun to read what you write to the other D.D. writters!!


thinnsidenotout on 01/24/2008:
Funny..A Lot of people up early this morning...I was up @ 2:45..My husband got called to work. He is a orchard wind machine mechanic and with the single digit temps here, he has to work on anything that breaks down ,when it breaks down..I tossed and turned for about an hour before being able to get about an hours sleep and then had to wake the son up @ 5:45 to get ready for school.. This is going to be a long day!!! Hoping you did great on your test. Get some rest!


dearerdiarist on 01/24/2008:
I hope by some miracle that your day got better as it progressed. No sleep before a big day... Way Baaaaaad. You are a trooper, talking about Yoga tonight. I would SO be crawling home to sleep. I hope that the test goes well for you..... sitting here with fingers crossed :)


mcwoo40 on 01/24/2008:
Hiya,I guess i am feeling happier in myself maybe cos i'm doing something about my weight.I just wanted to get my birthday over with so i could start it properly plus i think it was at the back of my mind that i was my 40th and it seemed old.Anyway they say 'life begins at 40'so I'm ready and waiting.Hope you catch up on your sleep aswell,Julie


shadetree on 01/24/2008:
YAY!!!!!!!!!!! What a good day despite the early rise! Maybe you need to get up early every day! :) Enjoy yoga and then get some sleep!


workingit2 on 01/24/2008:
Congrats on the great walk to and from the test and on the no binge! Keep up the great work!


Donkey on 01/24/2008:
Good luck! Let us know how you do!!!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 23, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Today is going well. I was in a good mood all day. Tomorrow is another entrance exam test. It's the last of all the entrance exams I have to take. In total, I've applied to 4 different programs. Three are for Radiation Technology (xrays, mri, cat scans) and the fourth program which I am most interested in is Radiation Therapy. The therapy program didn't require an entrance exam, but the three other programs did. It will be all morning so I have to go to school late. :( I hate taking time off from work!

Lately, I've been having at least two servings of fruit a day and many servings of nuts. This seems to work for me at the moment. For example, for breakfast I had strawberries and a large apple. Throughout the morning, I snacked on about 1/2 cup of almonds. Lunch was a little bit of sliced almonds and string beans with a light sauce heated up, a salad, and an orange. After work, I made an instant sugar free vanilla pudding and had tea and a large apple. I even added some fiber to the pudding. I feel good.

I am super excited for yoga....and should probably get ready to go since the classes fill up so fast this time of year!

calories 1350. pretty healthy. 3 servings of almonds were included! whoa!

exercise: yoga no walking. 1.5 hours

total ex: 32 hours, 20 min :)

shadetree on 01/23/2008:
Good food choices today! Almost done with your entrance exams - YAY! Just one step closer to getting to your goals!

Have fun at yoga!


maria777 on 01/23/2008:
Looks like you got lots of healthy foods in today! YAY!


fritters on 01/23/2008:
Your choices were good - not your usual meals, but still good food. I hope your last entrance test goes well.


thinnsidenotout on 01/23/2008:
Thank YOu for welcoming me. As a new comer I was skeptical, but have found great support already.. It surely does help! Good Luck on your Entrance test...and sticking with your eating plan..


leeumom on 01/23/2008:
Great day on food. I need more fruit and vegtables. That inspires me. Going to the store tomorrow. Good luck on the your test. Sounds like you have alot of positive things going for yourself! Keep up the good work.


legcramps on 01/23/2008:
Great job on the exercise! You're kicking my butt!


CritterMom on 01/24/2008:
I love almonds! I get the plain ones (hubby likes the smokehouse style, but those are so salty). Good luck on the exam!


dearerdiarist on 01/24/2008:
Re: The Edit: Amazing :)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 22, 2008

Weight: 0.0

calories: 1,000. whatever. I'm not eating anymore tonight. It was a busy day, 15 min walk on the treadmill in the AM. that's about it. I did some volunteer work at the hospital, too.

exercise: 15 min.

cal: 1000

total exercise: 30hrs, 50min.

mylifechanges on 01/22/2008:
hi HoPs! I'm sorry that it's been ages since you've seen my face around your comment section. I just spent the last half an hour catching up with everything in your life. I'm excited for you that you're out there dating! Keep us updated on all of that. :)

Thanks for your comments on my site. It's been so terribly hard to get back in the groove of things (I don't know what's with me!) so I can always use the encouragement, as we all can!!


workingit2 on 01/23/2008:
Take good care of yourself!


hollybelle on 01/23/2008:
Just saying Hi.....



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jan 21, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Tuesday afternoon entry: Calories are good today. No yoga because I have to volunteer this afternoon. 800 cal so far. I will go to 1200 today and I am very content about that. When combined with yesterday, my average for these two days is 2025. Another entry later and comments on your diaries tonight...

______________________________________________

Monday entry:

ahhhh! I did binge again after lunch today! So, the whole day is shot. Tomorrow isn't but today is.

I will make myself go to yoga again tonight even though I will probably be very full there.

total cal: 2850. sad, because my goal is to lose weight and I gave in to temptation. partly bc i was lonely...that's mostly the reason. It could have been a lot worse and if I eat low (1200 - even though I know its not a great idea to do after a high cal day) I can balance today out with tomorrow. I want to do that so the rest of the week can be focussed back towards weightloss.

i did a lot of sitting, but I went to yoga twice. also a 20 min walk.

total exercise: 3hr, 20 min.

jan exercise: 30 hours, 35 min. yay for a good total.

iamzen on 01/21/2008:
finish out today as best as you can, and tomorrow is a brand new day! thanks for your advice, now take your own. good luck!


geevee on 01/21/2008:
By evening you ought to not feel so full. If you can't blot food out of your mind, enjoy the hunger, because eating only makes yoga impossible.


dearerdiarist on 01/21/2008:
Rats! I hate when that happens. Tomorrow begins anew so be kind to self in the meantime. I will check on you then :)


legcramps on 01/21/2008:
The whole day isn't shot, I mean, you're still planning on going to yoga, and you can just eat better from now on. Come on, think positively!!


shadetree on 01/21/2008:
Try to get to yoga!


cushy on 01/21/2008:
when you wake up tomorrow you will already have dieted for like 8 hours!! instant diet reinvigoration! I am travelling so my eating has been hard to control. makes me appreciate the days i have in my own environment when i can control things better. if you feel the need to overeat more than every once is a while, try to figure out the trigger. Have you let yourself get too hungry? does winter weather bum you out? are you not eating enough satisfying foods with flavor and carbs when you do eat? are you upset about something or stressed? see if you can see a pattern and then bust it!!!!


fritters on 01/21/2008:
Those darn binges - they get to us all. I wish I knew an answer, but I don't!


workingit2 on 01/21/2008:
Hang tough!!


leeumom on 01/22/2008:
I agree with cushy. Might it be what you are eating that adds the calories. You can eat alot of salad as long as you don't pour dressing all over it. We found that if you put the dressing on the side, dip your fork in dressing before the salad and you actually get the same taste as pouring it on top and leff calories. Good luck. and great workout.


mcwoo40 on 01/22/2008:
Hiya,with all that exercise you should'nt do much damage.As we've said before tomorrow is another day.Can't you read or something to get your mind off food,or just stay away from the food cupboards.You know how i was with binge eating,but i just go for a walk instead I hope it will last though,take care,Julie


TheMother on 01/22/2008:
We all have days where we go a little (or a lot) over our ideal caloric intake. But we're human and all we can do is try to do better at the next meal. Thanks for your comments on my diary. I appreciate them. I see you live in the northeast, too. Anywhere near NJ? Have a GREAT day! TM



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jan 20, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Monday afternoon:

I guess I had a slight binge at lunch, totalling 1500 cal. If i didn't have the three cookies after, it would have only been 1200, which is better. Lunch did include some healthy things: FOUR servings of nuts haha, 2 whole grain english muffines, salmon, green beans...

so far, I have 1870 cal today. I want to go to another yoga class this evening and I would like to remain at 2200 cal total for the day. Even though I will not lose weight from today, it can count as maintenance as long as I eat no more than 2200 calories. :) I can do it!

______________________________________________________

Monday morning edit:

hello! I am off from work today, yay! I have a couple things to do, nothing too major. I may even go to yoga twice as tomorrow I have no plans to go because I'll be volunteering for two hours at a hospital after work. I just had a good breakfast: 2 microwaved (baked) small apples with cottage cheese on top and lots of pumpkin pie spice. I also had a large tea with milk. It's so easy to make baked apples in the microwave. Just make sure you remove most of the core before you cook them or they will explode and make a mess in your microwave!

Now that my dating is over with the guy I had been dating for a month, I am back to talking with a good friend of mine who lives in Florida. I may call him tonight since he called me last night (but he had drank so I question if he would have called me otherwise...). He's a very nice, smart guy, but I really don't know if he possesses the same types of feeling for me that I have for him.

I was supposed to go on a date tonight with someone else I met online but I'm not. I've decided he comes across as too busy and has too much of an "explosive" personality for me! haha. Yes, I can tell that from the little I've talked with him online! Also, I am not attracted at all to his photos. I KNOW this is not what makes a relationship, haha, but it matters.

Have a good day...time for me to comment! :)

_____________________________________________________

Sunday entry:

THANK YOU for your constructive comments on my entry regarding my family and the fighting lol. Everyone has apoligized which is good news. Well, not apoligized, but the situation has definitely blown over which is good.

i went out to dinner at a Mediterranean restaurant called "Shish Kebab." Fabulous place. lots of food. worth it...especially the filet minon kebabs!!

total calories are around 2000-2200. That's ok. can't change it.

exercise: 2hrs

total: 27hrs, 15 min. :)

fritters on 01/20/2008:
Dinner sounds good. 2 hours exercise on a Sunday - go super woman!!!!


flower_power on 01/21/2008:
yeah i like to think we are very nice people :) ... i told ya i wouldnt end up sleepin i was awake all night it sucked so bad i was so tired the next day, glad to hear everythin is back to normal ... much love xoxo


fritters on 01/21/2008:
yOUR APPLES SOUND REALLY GOOD - I am going to try them! And - yeah - looks aren't everything - but they sure make a diffrence!!!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jan 19, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Sunday AM edit:

Today is starting out as a very good day. While picking up the newspaper, I bought my dad his favorite cookies (a cookie coated with chocolate on the outside, jell in the inside as he has no weight problems and always enjoys a good cookie) at the store to kinda make up for some of the hostility that went on last night.

I didn't even eat before going to the store bc i didn't have much of an appetite! Then, I had some almonds, two small microwaved apples with pumpkin pie spice on them and about a 1/4 cup cottage cheese. i also had a large tea. calories so far: 365. Lunch will be after yoga - I know I need to replenish with carbs!! Maybe another apple will be included in that.

Have a good day everyone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Saturday late edit: so i'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom in my underwear and the door is only an inch open. My sister tries to come in and i slam the door. I didn't hurt her, although it could have happened. I like my privacy, even when not totally naked in the bathroom.

She gets all angry bc i slammed the door in her face...but instead of letting me finish in the bathroom, she goes downstairs and tells my parents. My dad gets majorly angry with me so while i'm in the shower he starts to yell from outside the bathroom to me that I should let my sister in if I'm not totally naked! It becomes a yelling match basically between me and my dad while i'm in the shower.

I'm just angry bc my sister didn't come to me but rather took her 22yr old self down to my parents to rattle on me. Yes, i may have acted immaturely by slamming the door on her, but i always want my privacy and i believe she should know this from past experience. Why couldn't she ask if she could even come in. If you ask me, it was a misunderstanding between both my sister and myself. I do NOT see why parents were involved....and the conflict got bad. The only one that got "in trouble" by my parents was me. My dad said he'd put a lock on the treadmill and I cannot use it anymore. The end. I know I have complained about similiar issues with my sister here before. It seems she always goes to them when she has a problem with me. I always tell her that that is unaccptable. She continues. Is this because I am missing something important?

If anyone understands this situation or can put in into perspective for me, I'd love to gain some feedback even if you tell me what I did was wrong.

today could have been a complete disaster after getting home from visiting my grandmother but it turned out it wasn't.

i almost ate out of the 1500s lol.

Total cal: 1595. lol. I am proud for making the choice NOT to indulge.

exercise: 2hrs.

total exercise: 25hrs, 15min. pretty good.

monday: yoga, oil change, dinner date with someone new (but any initial attraction is not there...just going out for the fun/experience of it). I don't date a lot, so i view it as being IMPORTANT to just go on more dates rather than settle for a certain person right now.

There's someone that i don't have any dates with that i'm really interested in. he lives in my town...no, never met him since i didn't grow up here. talked to him a lot online...we'll see.

I decided to stop dating the guy i went on my 4th date with this past fri night. I didn't feel physically attracted to him enough to continue. he was kinda shocked i think...i think he was more attracted to me. but, i just couldn't go on without the attraction. i know its whats on the inside that counts...but isn't it the outside, too? that's my opinion.

workingit2 on 01/19/2008:
You are doing great! Keep the faith!


shadetree on 01/19/2008:
Good for you NOT indulging! You should be proud.


geevee on 01/19/2008:
I know just what you mean about physical attraction. In my experience, if it wasn't there in the first place, it never did develop. Why waste your time? I used to tell my mother that I'd rather stay home than go out with someone I didn't really enjoy being with. Hey! the online guy might work out like BTC's husband did.


starfish on 01/19/2008:
great job keeping those calories low! And yes I agree, what's inside is VERY important, but you need to be physically attracted too.


shadetree on 01/20/2008:
Sounds to me like your parents have spoiled your sister for a very long time. As far as I see it, the bathroom is a personal place, not one that should be shared - I don't care what one is doing in there. Someday it will come back to haunt your parents...My little sister (she's 16 years younger than me, so she was brought up like an only child, very spoiled) is 23 years old, living at home, dropped out of college after one semester, enrolled in the local community college, dropped out of there, got mad at my brothers because they wouldn't get her a job where they work (one is in Maryland, the other in South Carolina), she doesn't work, the whole world is out to get her, she knows what she wants to do in life but no one will let her....such a drama queen. My father and stepmother both are retiring this year, are selling their house and have already bought a new one about two hours away (where my stepmother's family is) and they are trying to push her out, but she won't leave. She is planning on moving to their new house with them...i just have to giggle about it, since I would tell them when she was way back in kindergarten that she was spoiled, and they would get mad and tell me they were allowed to spoil her, there was nothing wrong with it.....It's come back to haunt them now! And I'm sure that your parents will experience something similar....It's inevitable when you are still spoiling your 22 year old child...

Hope today is a better day. So nice to see you are out there dating 'just for the experience' - you never know when it will sneak up on you and bite you! :)


borntocry on 01/20/2008:
What to do about tattling siblings? I don't know... I have two younger brothers and one of them in particular was always telling tales on me. It was impossible to talk to him like an adult and my parents always took his side. So I don't know of any solution to that!

All I can do is sympathise with you. I am like you and believe that the bathroom is a private place! My husband always pisses me off by coming in while I'm brushing my teeth. I also hate it when he tries to talk to me from outside the bathroom. I mean, that should be the one place on earth where one can be by oneself!

Thanks for your comment. Of course, I normally wear athletic pants while running but then I have to carry a change of clothes in my backpack because I can't go back to work in athletic clothes!

So, do you think I underestimated my calories the day before? I was kind of worried about that. I estimated 500 calories for the bread pudding, 500 for two slices of pizza, 150 for a slice of bread, 70 for a small spoon of peanut butter and 150 for a few bites of ice-cream. What do you think?


geevee on 01/20/2008:
As a parent I stayed away from all the squabbles between my children. I'd tell them to kill each other and leave me out of it. I didn't want to get involved.

As for the bathroom and privacy, when we moved in our house I made it perfectly clear that NO ONE was allowed in MY bathroom, and no one ever dared to enter it. Like you, I felt that this was my private place and didn't want to be bothered by the kids.

You will be so happy once you move out and get your own place, even if it's tiny. Not to have to contend with your sister will be such a relief.


maria777 on 01/20/2008:
I think it is fantastic you didn't let the stress cause you to overshoot your calories for the day. Was was that about what you wrote concerning your visit with your Grandmother? Ignore if you'd rather not say.


workingit2 on 01/20/2008:
That is cool that you bought your dad a cookie! I love my sister dearly, as I am sure you love yours. But she and I could never live together because we have the same kind of relationship. I am more able to be on my own, keep to myself and require little in return from life other than respect and time to lear to trust others. My sister needs attention. She isn't overt about needing the attention, and she pretends to NOT need attention, but she loves to be the center of attention especially where my parents are concerned. Believe it or not, parents know their children..and your parents know that your sister is the way she is, and they know you are the way you are. I had a big conversation with my mother once because my sister pissed me off so badly..and my mom knew exactly what I was talking about. I think that my sister being the way she is and me being the way I am, we balance each other out. I decided that I could either get pissed off at her and try to force her to change who she is, or I could just learn to ignore those parts about her that annoy me so that I can preserve our relationship and live in harmony and enjoy what little time we all have in life. It stings sometimes when she is acting a fool..but the more I forgive her, the more she can forgive me for my faults that annoy her. I find that I actually relate to her better, now that I have decided to accept that she is who she is and she isn't being that way to 'get' me...she is just that way. And I didn't talk to her about doing this, I just did it. To preserve my own sanity and keep the peace.

You did very well in not stuffing your hurt feelings and anger! Congratulations!!!


shadetree on 01/20/2008:
Phoenix has some good comments on her diary for you:)


iamzen on 01/20/2008:
hey girl, i know exactly what your goin thru with your sister. my sis and i are close, but not without some SERIOUS issues that we still have. some are small, some are big. my only constructive criticism would be to speak calmly. yelling never gets anything solved. i come from a family of yellers and to this day i cringe when i hear someone raise their voice. the second someone raises their voice, the ears turn off (figuritively speaking of course). when insults are thrown, or names are called...the ears go off. my best adive would to be speak calmly and slowly and take deep breaths. not only will you calm yourself down, you'll calm them down. you speaking clearly and normally will let them know that you obviously care about the situation and are willing to listen to them.

good luck!!!


crategrl on 01/20/2008:
great job with the exercise and eating!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jan 18, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Great eating day. Ok exercise day! :)

calories before dinner equalled 700. At dinner, I had exactly what i wanted - a roast beef wrap. very tasty and a little broccoli on the side, too! :) The wrap was large, but healthy. I need to guess the calories!

Total calories: 1400..can't possibly be more! great day!!!! :)

exercise: 1hr, 45min (yoga and 15 min walk).

total ex: 23hrs, 15min

Plans for tomorrow: yoga in AM, visit grandma, gym?

iamzen on 01/19/2008:
good work! yoga in the morning is my FAVORITE, do that on behalf of me, k? oh yeah, maybe i should get off my butt and do it myself. :) have a good day!


shadetree on 01/19/2008:
How was the date?

Great job with the calories and the exercise. I've noticed that you seem to recover from your binges quicker than you used to. This is a good thing HoP!

Enjoy your time with your grandma!


mcwoo40 on 01/19/2008:
Hiya,thanks for your comment.A few of you from over the water have asked me what 'tea' was it just depends where you come from i guess.That programme was good(read today's entry)if you wanted you can download a programme so you can watch it online if you want any details let me know.That roast beef wrap sounds good,have a great day,Julie


geevee on 01/19/2008:
Eat breakfast AFTER yoga! Thanks for your helpful comments.


legcramps on 01/19/2008:
good job all around today! great on the exercise hours and super great with calories! keep it up!


borntocry on 01/19/2008:
Good girl!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 17, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Friday afternoon entry:

Today has gone pretty well. I have this huge pimple on my chin area though...and i can't even cover it up well...but i'm going out on this date anyways...

exercise so far: 15 min . haha. plus yoga = 1hr, 45min :) ok.

total exercise: 23hrs, 50 min :)

calories so far: 600. yeah, a really good food day! :) Going out to dinner...I want to keep it light, this day can be GREAT calorie-wise. I just want a salad.

lately, munching on almonds throughout the morning really, really helps. It must be at least two servings. my cravings at lunch have become much more minimal! :)

=======================================

Thursday entry:

yesterday i binged and had around 4300 cal.

today started out bad and got better. i have 1340 cal now, before yoga. I plan on going up to 1540 today.

calories: 1400. I'm tired and i'm going to bed. NO MORE EATING for tonight! tomorrow is going to be a challenging day bc the kids I usually teach have like an all day party in their classes...leading to a lot of free time for myself where i can go and get a snack. I'll try to plan healthfully!

exercise 1.5hours.

total ex: 22hr, 5 min

When i binge, I get very negative with myself. I pretty much want to isolate myself from all social situations because i hate how i look...especially my clothes. anyways, i was going to cancel the date tomorrow night because i'm feeling so crappy, but i'll stick with it and see if it goes well. That will help me decide if I want to go out with him anymore.

Donkey on 01/17/2008:
I agree -- it may be a good indicator if you still want to date this man. I have to say, my Husband is the only one I would want with me when I am at my worst feeling.


dearerdiarist on 01/17/2008:
Fight isolating yourself at all costs, HOP. There surely are so very many lovely things about you besides the image you have of yourself in your wanting to lose weight mode. You are a work in progress. Glad that you have decided to stick with the date in spite of feeling "crappy" :) Have fun!


maria777 on 01/17/2008:
Hope you've had a better day today! Your plan for eating today sounds good.


legcramps on 01/17/2008:
Gather up that strength, HoP, and get back into it! You're doing fine, forget about the binge and focus on what it's trying to tell you - maybe you're overdoing things and you need to be still for a moment and figure out what it is you're trying to accomplish. Things are looking GOOD today! Get to that yoga class!


workingit2 on 01/17/2008:
Relax..take some deep breaths...and don't beat yourself up! You know this is a pattern and you are learning how to recognize it and learning what triggers it..cut yourself some slack. An ED is nothing easy to deal with =) I think you are doing very well considering what you are struggling against in all areas of your life.


applemarket on 01/18/2008:
You may have had a slip-up with that binge but at least you still got your exercise in and this day's calorie count was low! It's hard to get back on the wagon but it's much harder dealing with negative emotions, bad body image and feeling fat and unhealthy! Sometimes I hate how I look too and refuse to leave the house, the only thing that comes from that is sitting in front of the tv and binging continuously. So you should go out and have fun and put the bad day behind you!!


borntocry on 01/18/2008:
Oh, poor HoP! I know what you mean - overeating puts me in a VERY unromantic mood! And I can rarely share the reason with my husband because of his unsympathetic attitude towards this kind of behaviour. But maybe the thought of the upcoming date will help curb your urge to snack during the day. I remember that was the case for me when I was first going out with my husband. One time I got a lovely goat-cheese salad but couldn't eat a single bite because I was so enthralled by his charms, haha!


hopinforachange on 01/18/2008:
I hope that you have had a good day today. Do you think we will ever get over those awful pimples? I thought we were supposed to grow out of that. Take care of yourself and keep your chin up.


workingit2 on 01/18/2008:
How cool that almonds are helping! Have fun on your date! =) **remember, we want some details! lol**



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 16, 2008

Weight: 0.0

15 slow, lousy minutes on treadmill. slow means mostly below 3.0 not kidding!

total exercise: 20hrs, 35min.

I can be a broken record sometimes, but it happened again...

Binge today. just not a good day. should have went to yoga! Lately, I've been tired and that's why i think i binged.

before the binge: 1190 cal.

my binge: it started out inocentally with a bottle of kombucha. 60 cal., english muffin with zero calorie spread (120), two light hot dogs (140)and 3 plum tomotoes (60), potato chips (150), vegetable chips 4 servings (600), 2 pieces pound cake (420), one yogurt (140), 6 tablespoons peanut butter (600), ice cream (120), 3 chocolate covered cherries (170) ....trying to remember if i forgot anything...it was all VERY tasty.

after binge: 3770....plus another 600 = 4270 total.

I did this last week and that's why I didn't loose any weight this week. I guess next week is the same thing. I'm caught in a little bit of a struggle arg! i can get out!

noelgiger on 01/16/2008:
Yum - sounds good to this pregnant lady. LOL Tomorrow is another day!


maria777 on 01/16/2008:
I had to get out of the binges, too, as you know. I almost had one the other nite when I got on here instead and announced it and got a good response of help. I almost gave in that nite. Then the next nite I did give in a little. I must say your binge menu does sound delicious. Especially the pound cake, the ice cream, the 3 choc covered cherries...YUM!!!


workingit2 on 01/16/2008:
Knowing that your binges are responsible for you not being able to lose any weight, is a very good thing. It beats saying "I don't understand why I can't lose weight!" Being mindful of it might be the key that helps you prevent the binges. =)


cushy on 01/16/2008:
what floats your boat? could you say next "binge" will be a bubble bath with a juicy tabloid mag? Also, just not having tempting things around is the nicest and kindest thing you can do for yourself. that said, it could have been a whole lot worse. you are honest with yourself! good for you and you will be fine!


applemarket on 01/16/2008:
Binges are horrible things. But I hope you still feel relatively happy, since the food was VERY tasty. The worse thing to do is to give up and continue to binge the rest of the week since you messed up one day. Drink lots of water to flush out your system and eat light with yogurt and cottage cheese instead of cereal or oatmeal. Since you had quite a lot of carbs and sweets, stay away from processed carbs like white bread and pasta, and all sweets!


mcwoo40 on 01/17/2008:
That's why I have'nt been around cos i felt like a broken record.I said to myself if i have nothing positive to say,don't do an entry.I know all this bingeing has caught up on me though,i'm feeling lousey IT HAS TO STOP.Take care,Julie


CritterMom on 01/17/2008:
Could it be that you feel like crap because that is what you keep eating??? There just may be a connection! Try eating RIGHT for a few days, and MAKE yourself get up and get going. Pretty soon you will find that you're feeling so much better. (There, you've gotten your official tail-kicking for today!)


borntocry on 01/17/2008:
Hi HoP!

I wish I had some great advice to give you, but if I did, then I wouldn't be trapped in the same binge cycle myself! It looks like you wanted to sample everything in the house, which is pretty much the way I usually am during a binge. Except last time I tried something new - restricting my binge to only one or two foods (in this case, bread and chocolate chip Weetabix). I think it actually did work because I couldn't go over about 800 calories of each before I felt sick and had to stop. Although those were certainly among the least nutritious 1600 calories I ever consumed!

I agree that maybe we are being too lenient with ourselves. For me, it all began when I got down to 106 lb last summer. I wisely decided to focus on maintaining instead of losing more and allowed myself 1500 calories a day. That was great at first. I had the occasional splurge on the weekend but I didn't bother to try to make up for it because I figured I had enough "leeway" to gain a little. Only food is addictive and the splurges gradually become more and more frequent, and because I had stopped trying to make up for them, my weight started to creep up again. My solution was simply to stop weighing myself! Telling myself that my weight would eventually come back down. But how could it? When I had completely stopped doing anything to make it happen?

Now I finally see why geevee and others used to say that it is easier to lose than to maintain. At the time, I thought that was insane! But now I see that I need the focus which I can only get from trying to work towards a goal rather than simply maintain the status quo. You get a sense of accomplishment from losing weight that you don't get from just not gaining weight! So henceforth I am going back to trying to lose, even if it's just one or two pounds. Things are already looking up for me - hopefully you too!


dearerdiarist on 01/17/2008:
Keep remembering that it is good to come here no matter what record is playing. And, that falling from your own grace is only a moment in time and that you have all the power to jump right back in with new resolve. Thank you for being brave and honest with us because it is happening here and there or MORE here and there (at times) and helps everyone. It really seems to be good medicine for each of us. We offer this or that to another and in doing so it helps us with our own issues. I hope that you are having a good day today :)


harleygirl79 on 01/17/2008:
I find that if I keep myself real busy, I don't want to binge or snack. I was cleaning file drawers today at work and worked right through my morning snack. Didn't even miss it. Hang in there.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 15, 2008

Weight: 0.0

yesterday was a big breakfast and today was a big lunch. I know that if I don't watch myself, i could end up binging soon! I need to remember that my body DOES need carbs and that veggies really don't make up for them - and that good grains/breads are good for me...and to eat them so i don't binge on the bad stuff! ok, 'nuff said about that!

exercise so far: 15 min. I need to volunteer for two hours this evening. I don't want to rush to get ready for yoga, either. I was tired today bc i didn't get enough sleep. I was on the phone with the guy and I also woke up in the middle of the night.

exercise: only 15 min this morning but its ok bc i was on my feet volunteering tonight.

total exercise: 20 hrs, 20min.

calories are 1580. I'm totally fine with this amount! I got some tasty foods in and a good amount of breads/starches. I want to work on this area, making sure I do eat breads - and usually the whole grain type! Sometimes, I refrain from most grains and that leads to carb binging later.

What do I want for dinner?? I plan to have not too many veggies bc I had them at lunch and I'm craving OTHER carbs at the moment, although I did have two servings of chips at lunch as well! What should I have!? for some reason, I can't seem to make up my mind. I think its because I'm full at this very moment.

I'm still having nuts everyday and I also ordered a new face wash online because I tried someone else's and it was so gentle on my face! I'll do anything to have clear skin again! My skin isn't terrible but I cannot go a week without a breakout!

applemarket on 01/16/2008:
Water is the best solution for breakouts. Try to drink at least 2 litres a day and you'll find that your skin will clear up by itself without help from wash washes. But of course, I love face washes and use them anyway to remove oil and stuff. And protein is supposedly the best way to curb carb binges because they take longer to digest so you feel fuller for a longer period of time. But I don't binge because I'm hungry, I binge because of other reasons. Anyway, I hope the comment is useful for you nevertheless!


elketikvah on 01/16/2008:
Dear Horn, I dont have the recipe as this is made and sent to me for the duration of the accident. I will however ask the woman who sent it to me for the recipe. Thanks, Ellen Hope


fritters on 01/16/2008:
you can't have too many veggies! I hope you have a good Wednesday


hopinforachange on 01/16/2008:
I hope that you have had a good day today. Good job eating all those veggies. I need to work on eating more of them. I to try to stay away from breads. I find it makes me just want to overeat on it. Take care!



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