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Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 30, 2007

Weight: 0.0

so, like i said, the guy really DOES play catch by himself!!! LOL, he goes to a raquetball court and throws the ball against the wall and catches it! crazy! or, that gets boring!

anyway. today was a good day exercise-wise. I did some walking and elliptical. 2 hrs total!! yesterday was also great! (2 hrs yesterday as well!) I did the elliptical at the gym by me and ran into someone i know. it was nice, because she exercised next to me and we got to talk to each other. she doesn't mind and lets talking while exercising.

so, tomorrow my plan is to go to the hospital after work to try to set up an interview so i can get a part time weekend job. I don't need another job during the week - teaching is enough.

total sept: 34hrs, 45 min.

this equals 69.5 minutes per day. :)


Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Sep 29, 2007

Weight: 0.0

sunday edit: my lust for that guy is surpisingly over. it turns out he is waaaaay tooooo independent. He enjoys doing most everything on his own. I don't see how someone can live their life only going to movies, playing catch, and ice skating with themselves. It's hard to believe in my opinion. Those activities to me seem like ones you do with people. Of course, i have went to a movie by myself, in the past, but all in all I enjoy a pal to be with once in awhile!

=================================================

I have a small problem on my hands.

Today was a bad day, another bad day amongst many this week and these past two months.

up until 10:20 or something I ate 2450 calories.

at 4:30, i came home and was going to eat soup for around 340 calories. well, i didn't just eat soup, of course. I proceeded to eat 2570 calories. if you're interested, the foods included: soup, italian bread, chocolate chip chocolate cake, milk, chex cereal (2 cups), granola (4 cups) and peanut butter, again.

worst part, i didn't realize how many calories more i actually had until i added it up after i ate that second "meal."

I just have to stop. I am looking to get the part time job at a hospital on weekends. they get hundreds of applicants each week...so i will have to go in person next week monday after school to see what i can do.

now, as for tomorrow, i naturally want to not eat. as you can see, i've had what could easily be 3 days worth of food in one day. It adds up to 1673 calories a day if i were to divide today's total by 3 days. this is definitely a bit out of hand.

like i said a bazillion times, i know what to do but i can't seem to do it. meaning, i can't seem to eat right even though i know pretty much what i need to do. and, i've done it before.

since everything i ate just now is sooo high in carbs, i'm nervous how i'll feel when i wake up tomorrow morning, probably ravenous!

sheesh.

btw, the guy i have been talking to online i know from college. we hung out once a few years ago. then, he moved and somehow we started talking again, i think he imed me! haha...and i see he just signed onto aim. i'm NOT going to im him now though. that would be way too strange considering its the middle of a saturday. i was thinking of calling him today. alright, i'll hold out till tomorrow.

workingit2 on 09/29/2007:
You know, HOP, I am thinking about joining TOPS in my area for the in person support of it all. The dues are like $25 a year and you go to a meeting once a week and weigh in once per week. It sure is hard trying to climb out of the constant eating frenzy!

Good luck with your guy friend! Sometimes a little romance is a great kick in the pants LOL


GG on 09/30/2007:
HA HA LUST: that is all I ever have with guys! It is so sad! But unlike in your situation where your guy was too independant: I am too independant and HATE having people constantly nagging me to do something because I am such a home-body who just likes to cook dinner and kick her feet up on the coffee table with a nice movie and a cup of tea! ha! I dont think any guys our ages are like that...Hopefully soon though! hahah! Have a good sunday and keep those calories in CHECK!!! haha!


Workingit2 on 09/30/2007:
LOL ok a movie I can do by myself..but playing catch? Not gonna happen LOL


hollybelle on 09/30/2007:
Just checking in with you HOP. Had to laugh at the WI2's comment about playing catch by yurself - I just got a mental image of that guy doing it! Ha!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Sep 28, 2007

Weight: 0.0

2nd edit this morning: binge. but i'm stopping after this ice cream. haha

breakfast: pb on bread: 550 cal. (8am)

binge: 10:20am: red pepper, brussel sprouts (which i didn't finish bc they weren't good, with 4 slices of cheese, 3 pieces deli ham, 2 english muffins, 5 tablespoons pb, 2 cups ice cream.

total so far: 2540 cal.

Saturday morning edit:

Well, i don't have set plans for today. I don't do well on days like this one...or tomorrow (no set plans either.) I wish I was in a relationship because then i could do things with my partner. ok, this may sound so strange...and it is. I want to take myself to an afternoon movie. lol, such a loner i'm becoming. but, i doubt i'll go. it's not worth it..to pay just to go to a movie with myself. i'd rather rent one...and hope that i don't binge during it.

ok, i have one plan. To eat about 1200 cals or low cals...and to exercise for 8 miles walking, not all at once. that is my plan but it sounds boring. a better plan would be to walk to the library, do some reading, walk home. (10-15 min walk one way.) next, i could bike at the park or bike around the university on the outside track they paved a couple years ago. I've never used it, so that would be fun. AND, its like 3 miles around, so it makes for less boredom. well, that's my plan. i don't want to binge. one factor that really helps to prevent this is that my pants are all a bit small. and i'm not buying bigger ones. i've already done that...and the end of last year!

Friday evening entry:

overall sept exercise: 30 hrs, 45 min :)

overall a far better day than yesterday.

breakfast: some 90 second microwavable seasoned rice pilaf with beans and all sorts of things in it! awesome and satisfying mix of carbs, protein, fat.

fruit lunch.

snack/dinner: HUGE 24 ounce green drink from a health food store, kashi bar, followed by the leftover pilaf from breakfast...salad...tomatoes...a diet 7up...i think that's it...it was definitely a slight, but healthier, binge.

snack after workout: decaf iced coffee and a cup of light ice cream.

calories are actually low

exercise: 55min.

Workingit2 on 09/29/2007:
Congrats on the smaller and healthier binge! Maybe we can both cycle down to normal eating patterns together lol.

I used to go to the movies by myself all the time. I would still do it to this day except I am so busy and so broke lol. Of course a matinee is usually only about $5...but I can't go into a theater without getting the butter soaked popcorn and I think I'll save a trip to the theater for a day when I am celebrating something. I don't mind going to the movies alone, but the first time I did it after my divorce on Christmas without my kids home, it broke my heart.

I know what you mean about having a relationship. Brian and I still don't have a relationship, we are still just doing the dating thing...and my heart feels like it wants more, but we both want to take it slow. All I can say is that it is a very confusing time for me right now. But it is also a very good learning process. Your online guy might not be mr. right...but he may be mr. right now. So, have fun!

The one thing I am doing differently with this guy than with any other guy I've dated before, I am letting HIM make all the major moves (calling me, suggesting get together times) because I want to see exactly where he is and if I go doing everything in an attempt to create something when we aren't really ready, I might miss those signals that I always missed before and end up getting hurt. I am so afraid of getting hurt and feeling this close to someone new in my life, really freaks me out lol.

HAVE FUN! Get out there and DATE!


nerak on 09/29/2007:
I would go with plan 2 - walk to the library etc. Sounds like a lot more fun that just walking. My life has changed a lot lattley and I am discovering that I actually have fun doing some things by myself. It is also great to call up a girl friend and go for coffee or just sit and chat.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Sep 27, 2007

Weight: 0.0

I know what it takes to loose weight, but I'm stabbing myself in the back. All of August and September has been this way. It's like a ratio of one good day for every THREE bad days. More bad than good = weight gain. I know I also have a bit more muscle from an increase of exercise. However, for the most part, I'm turning into a nice soft blob. It's like i'm afraid to watch what i eat...and to stop when i'm full. It's such a challenge for me to stop and not finish things. and,whenever i do finish things, i end up going back for other things. and that, my friends, is what takes me into a full blown binge.

i ended up doing 55 min of elliptical...that's good on a full stomach. actually, bloated, disgustingly oversized stomach. oh deary!

total sept exercise: 29 hrs, 45 min.

i pigged out after work today. damn. calories could have been wonderful for today. Now they're not. boy do i make wrong choices! calories for today are: 3420 yikes. my pants are already too small. i've been having wayyyy more bad than good days. i wonder how to change this. i didn't have my car today and didn't want to exercise downstairs or outside (bad weather). so, stupid me comes home and eats at 5:30.

i had two tuna wraps. lots of rice pudding, chocolate pudding, PEANUT BUTTER UP THE WHAZOO, yogurt, granola and milk, milanos. you get it.

sheesh. i need to do better. i actaully got full in the middle of the wrap...but i didn't want to eat it later or waste it. i should have thrown it away. i'm still bad at stopping when satisfied. boy does this have to change!!!!

thats all for now.

Donkey on 09/27/2007:
Oh my. I had a hard day too. I really tried hard to stay away from the food. Peanut butter must be a universal comfort food. Funny, because it seems like such a "dirty" food to me, although I love it.


jon'smom on 09/28/2007:
I hate to "waste" food too. It seems to me if you don't eat what you bought, you just thrown your hard money away. And I also have a hard time for "saving it" for later because I told myself it would not taste as good.

But I also have been working on myself to change this way of thinking and I think I am finally getting there. You can too! Try to keep a trash can around so you can toss the food when you are full. Also I notice you like a variety of food (like me!) My sister is going to try the Nutrisystem program. I am going to see what foods she can have and her meal plans. Maybe then I can buy foods that are similar to hers and see if this glycemic diet thing really works. I will let you know about the plan when she gets started! Hang in there!


borntocry on 09/28/2007:
Boy do I feel for you, HoP. I know how horrible it is to have to exercise on an overstuffed stomach. In fact... I never wrote about this here because I was too embarrassed, but do you know what happened to me over the summer? I went on holiday to Denmark and "ran" a half-marathon there. I say "ran" because I pigged out on the hotel buffet breakfast beforehand (cereal, bread, eggs, cheese, pancakes, hash browns, pastries - you name it) and could barely walk, let alone run. In fact at one point I was actually crawling along the side of the road trying not to throw up. The race was in the middle of nowhere and there were no organisers or anyone to help me get back to the town, where my husband was waiting for me at the finish line! I was crying pathetically and had to go to the first aid tents when I finally finished the race hours later. Seriously I think the psychological scar has actually helped reduce the frequency of my binges. I only have to think of that terrible experience and it puts me off food.

So yeah... maybe that story will have some effect on you as well, even though you didn't have to live through it.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Sep 26, 2007

Weight: 114.0

today's breakfast stunk to the high heavens. i continued my "binge" in a way. however, after i ate what i took, i didn't go back for more, which is a BIG plus.

breakfast was around 1200 cals and lunch around 200.

anyways, total is around 2050 and that's good.

i exercised 5 miles today. I wanted 6 but my ankle was really bothering me, especially since i walked a lot during the school day. however, i want to be able to use my ankle more and more...but it takes time. i've already overdone it. but, i'm not about to skip exercise. tomorrow will be a biking day. maybe a little walking. we'll see.

total sept exercise: 28 hrs, 50 min :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

nerak on 09/27/2007:
That binge eating is hard stuff to deal with. I fight with it every night when I am home alone. If you find an answer for it let me know!!! Enjoy your bike ride.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Sep 25, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I actually forgot to write an entry yesterday! amazing!

yesterday's info:

so, i got in a good amount of exercise: 1 hr, 40 min. biking and walking.

foods were good too.

total sept exercise: 27 hrs, 30 min :)

today's entry:

however, my body has been a bit tired lately and i want it to feel better so i can exercise with more drive and energy. I am pretty much taking tonight to recover as i am tired and not in the mood to exercise. I KNOW that tomorrow will be a good day. I'll probably go to the university to use the gym...or park to walk. I would like a change of pace from walking...and i'm not really up for biking right now.

my ankle bothers me a little...which isn't good. i'll make sure i stretch a lot tonight, do some helpful yoga poses, and do some ab work. really, i don't think i need to do any exercise...i can tell my body needs some rest. Sometimes, i motivate myself by realizing that unlike people that must commute by walking or biking long distances to work, i've NEVER had to do that! Therefore, the only exercise i get is the planned exercise. most of my routine doesn't involve exercise; and that's why it's so important that i put it in!

my wrist even hurts...i was testing kids today and it involved a LOT of FAST writing!

foods today:

pb sandwich with banana, kombucha drink, diet hot chocolates, pineapple, whole wheat wrap with chicken inside, 2 cucumbers with balsamic vinegar...1.5 cops bean mix....soup, popcorn,

for dinner, i plan on canned chicken soup with some of the kelp noodles i have around...and maybe shirataki also. I'm in the mood for comfort food and also filling food. yeah, i have a bit of that shakey feeling that i get when i'm about to binge. so far, i've controlled myself. I think i am going to be fine. I also have laundry to do and things to read. If i want, i'll sit on the stationary bike and watch some tv at home. i need to occupy myself :)

after dinner: rice pudding, crachers, creal, milk....gosh...i'm eating past full...need to count calories...they are: 1250 (this is just for one of the desserts after dinner)

eesh...3125 calories today. + 3 milanos = 3235 + a wrap of pb and banana = 3700. = oh well.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Sandra aka Soul on 09/25/2007:
I would love to learn yoga, any suggestions for an easy way to introduce me to it?


legcramps on 09/26/2007:
Hey, hey, hey, lay off the binge eating!!!!

You know what helps me to not binge? (that is, when I actually do it, cause i'm a great binge-eater) - going to bed early or taking a nice long hot bath.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 23, 2007

Weight: 114.0

edit after dinner: i splurged and had another wrap - just the bread not the inside filling - after dinner. actually, i took two, but as i started to eat the second i realized i was pretty full and i only wanted one more, not two. I actually spit out the second wrap and threw the rest of it away! Usually, i CANNOT waste these wraps because i LOVE them! so, i'm glad i'm heading in the right direction again! This would be the direction of stopping when full, not pain-ful!

total calories are 2850.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dit: ok, for dinner i'm having a wrap with brussel sprouts and some egg whites in it. total calories: about 200.

I have definitely been derailed because of this weekend! but, i did exercise a lot today, which makes up for a lot of the calories.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

2500 calories before some dinner. yeah, i'm definitely having a bit more to eat...or i'm going to regret that i didn't have anything before bed and eat poorly tomorrow.

i was a bit lonely today: I need a weekend part time job or a boyfriend or both!

i overate at breakfast: 2300 calories.

i walked a TON. 8 miles = 2 hrs, 40 min. not at all once.

total sept minutes:25 hrs, 50 min!!!

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

GG on 09/23/2007:
Man, what did you have for breakfast! haha!


maria777 on 09/24/2007:
What did you have for breaky if you don't mind my asking..it must have been REAL GOOD!!! That sounds terrific about your Grandma...mine loved to cook, too. I might look up some sucotash recipes online. Looks like you sure did get plenty of exercise in today! Have a good evening!


mcwoo40 on 09/25/2007:
Hiya,hope you are keeping on track.Not a great fan of brussel sprouts.Good luck on getting your p/t job and boyfriend,there is someone for everyone they say,Bye,Julie



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Sep 22, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I'm going to need a LOT of will, desire, motivation and any other qualities that will help me get through today!!!

edit: 6:38 am: i know i am not hungry anymore. i am going to have some liquids now. I am going to work on not totally destroying the rest of today. I have to understand that this is my life and I have the power to end this food struggle.

edit: its 6:15am...and i cannot sleep!! It's been really rough all week! I had a large pb sandwich...around 500 calories. and i also had a LARGE piece of jelly nut cake...500 calories. I got full before finishing the sandwich, but i ate it all anyway. and now i had fried rice and white rice, leftovers. total so far: 2000 calories. I want more food and I don't want more food...all at the same time.

Sunday morning update: after overeating @ dinner yesterday, even though i don't regret any of it, i feel like restricting today!!! But, i'm not going to. I was thinking of just have vegetables all day. But, the thought of that makes me get edgy and shakey and want to binge! so, i guess eating veggies is not the way to go. We'll see. However, I do plan on just breakfast, lots of water, lunch, and dinner. I didn't want to have a pb sandwich for breakfast, like i do on the weekdays. We'll see...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Saturday night update:

happy report: the guy i've been talking to online has been staying in touch with me. LOL, he was drinking last night and left me some messages on my phone...haha. anyways, i'll keep you all updated. we are living in two separate states right now...

today was a pretty easy fast. i mostly sat around after temple this morning. but, i did go on a 2.5 mile walk: 50 minutes.

I overate at dinner...but, actually, most of the overeating was done at dessert. so, calories are 3500. If i didn't factor in dessert, calories would have been 1500! big difference, huh!? but, i tell you, it was worth it. I am happy with myself at this point in my life...i am getting into the exercising, walking is getting easier. Tomorrow i plan on 6 miles...maybe 7. If I do walk 7 miles, i will do two workouts. One being 4 miles, the other being 3. We'll see. Sometimes, i tell myself i want to get back into yoga. I was thinking about going tomorrow, but i'm going to wait it out.

Goodnight all.

Total exercise in sept: 23 hrs, 10 min

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/23/2007:
You and me both, Horn. I hate Sundays. Let's pull each other through today, ok?


workingit2 on 09/23/2007:
The urge for me to just eat everything is very strong. And the way you are eating compulsively is exactly what I was doing for those few days. It is taking herculean effort to not do it, and even now, I still want to eat and eat and eat. I am thinking about going to a TOPS meeting near me to see if I can get some in-person support and accountability. For me, when I start thinking food will help solve my anxiety and problems or at least help me avoid them or pretend they don't exist, it is very hard for me to get back on track. And it is scary. Food as an addiction, must feel to me the way drinking feels to an alcoholic. Until I feel that pain in my stomach, I just can't stop eating. And when that feeling of overstuffed starts to go away, it is like something triggers in my mind that I HAVE to keep eating to aoid losing that feeling. For me, dealing with the real issues and trying to make sense of the things that bother me, is key. I know it is. But it is so difficult. Anyway, that is just me....that's why I binge. I am hoping I can get back on track and put this episode behind me for now, lose some more weight. But I know I'll have to deal with it again eventually much like alcoholics have to learn to be non-drinkers. One day at a time, right? *sigh* **hugs** take good care of yourself today!


Sandra aka Soul on 09/23/2007:
All of those qualities that you want (strong will, desire to do right, motivation) are in you, let them come out and play.


greengirl on 09/23/2007:
Be strong, HoP !!! You know you can do this, you just need to get your head around it. Will be thinking about you. Hope you have a good day :)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Sep 21, 2007

Weight: 114.0

saturday afternoon edit. the fast is going pretty well. i did have some water/flavored water. I'm not in the mood to move around or even do cleaning. i'll just relax...possibly read and possibly nap! lately i've been NOT getting along with my sister. actually we haven't gotten along well in years...but lately it's been extra bad. I don't like her attitude that everything's coming to her on a silver platter. actually, i despise her outlook on life alltogether. i should prob not let it get to me or take it so personally. but i do. and i hate that she can actually get my parents involved and have them start blaming me for things. she's 22 and i'm 25..both of us living at home. she is always starting problems between me and my parents...and is pisses me off to no extent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arg.

==========================================================

today was a good day.

exercise: 6 miles. difficult, but glad i did it! = 2 hours.

total sept: 22 hrs, 20 min.

breakfast: pb on bread

lunch: skipped...seriously couldn't go...was held up.

snacks after work: pear slices, protein shake, apple.

dinner: taco bell chips and grilled stuffed burrito which i didn't finish.

everything was good. i'm happy. tomorrow i fast all day for a jewish holiday. Of course, the idea of fasting makes me nervous..but i know that i should and i will. we eat after sunset tomorrow evening.

goodnight all! :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/21/2007:
Have a happy Yom! Fasting for religious reasons is different than fasting for dieting reasons. Keep that in mind and you will come out of Yom Kippur just fine.


GG on 09/22/2007:
Oh man, I know gum is so bad for me, but I just cannot shake the habit! I have restricted SO MANY THINGS in my life that gum is just a must! haha! In the long run I probably will die of some sort of Aspartame overdose but right now I am feeling ok! I like to live in the now! he he! How is everythign else going for you? School, etc? Good LUCK fasting tomorrow: I know I could not do it! Are you even allowed to drink water?! Sister issues huh? Luckily my sister and I get along pretty well, yet I am the one giving her advice on EVERYTHING and I am the younger one! (she is 24 and I am 20!) but other than that things are ok! How does your sister look at life?! Maybe there is a way to "slap" some reality in her?! Does she go to school or anything?! Must be lovely living in a full house? haha!


Workingit2 on 09/22/2007:
(((((((((HOP))))))))))))))) thank you thank you thank you for always being so sweet!


greengirl on 09/22/2007:
Oh dear I was one of three sisters and I know its not easy. Keep your chin up HoP. Good luck with the fast and try not to binge at sundown :o)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Sep 20, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I'm really tired right now...and its only 6:45pm.

I slept better last night...and got up only a half hour before my alarm clock. I was planning on exercising at the university gym by me...and I even drove there! However, I just couldn't bring myself to leave my car and go to the gym! Instead, i felt like I wouldn't have the energy unless I had another snack. I went to get a snack, but I still didn't feel right. So, I told myself I'd go to mcdonalds and have a small 4 pc mcnuggets. after that, i was STILL not wanting the gym. I drove to wendys (they're all very close, like way less than a mile apart!) and got a crispy chicken sandwich and fries with a diet coke. after that, i was satisfied...although i did eat all of it and that's something i'm trying to do less! :)

I almost decided to go somewhere for dessert and i'm proud of myself that i didn't.

even with all that "extra food," calories are pretty good. I'm probably not exercising and I've already taken a shower even though it's not even 7pm. I just want to read. Last night, i didn't get a chance to speak to the friend that i've been keeping in touch with because he was out. Hopefully we'll talk tonight. I wish he'd be interested in some kinda relationship...i'd be ecstatic. :)

foods today:

breakfast: pb on bread..and a kombucha drink when i got up.

lunch: mellon...does the trick.

snack: salad with corn...and an apple...and i think that's it.

dinner: soy crisps...chicken mcnuggets...crispy chicken sandwich...fries.

total calories: i'm pretty sure between 2000-2100. this makes me really happy, actually.

exercise: NONE. and seriously, that's ok! :)

goodnight all, thanks for being so good to me! :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/20/2007:
WTG on passing on the dessert!!!! That surely would have been down a dark path. Good for you!!!


borntocry on 09/21/2007:
I'm willing to bet anything that your friend would be interested in a relationship with you. In fact I bet he's already got some scheme in mind! If I know anything about guys, it's that they're rarely interested in pursuing platonic relationships with girls. Even when they know you well enough to know that you're not compatible, they'll still inevitably make a move on you at some point. Trust me on this one. If it doesn't happen, it's because he hasn't got the nerve or because he's convinced that you're not interested. And even then it will probably happen.

You must be the only person aside from me who needs a snack before exercise. I do that all the time. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm just using the snacks as an way to put off doing the actual exercise!

Thanks for your comments on my picture. That was very observant of you to notice that the girl next to me wasn't wearing the traditional outfit! She's a friend of my cousin's from London. I think that's why I look so happy in that picture, because I was in a more relaxed mood hanging out with a couple of my cousin's friends from London. They weren't as obsessed with appearance as the other girls there.


jon'smom on 09/21/2007:
Passing up the dessert was a great choice! I hope things work out between you and your friend. Keep us updated:)


Sandra aka Soul on 09/21/2007:
I'm feeling full just reading all that you ate, lol. You and I are alike, I will forego exercise for a good book.

have a great day.



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