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Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Dec 14, 2007

Weight: 130.0

In the MORNING i am now up to doing 40 minutes of walking and i try for 7 days a week.

today's exercise: 2 hrs, 10 min. walking and yoga.

total ex: 18 hrs, 15 min :)

today's calories: 1050 :) feels great. actually, the portions were good. i tell you, keeping busy helps me. i'm slightly but not totally nervous about this weekend...i am getting my teeth pulled, so that will probably prevent some eating. I'm hoping to not be in pain, so i can do yoga.

tomorrow i wake up really early to drive my parents to the airport - for their vacation for a week. my mom asked me last minute, which wasn't so nice especially since its at 5am. I wish she would have given me prior notice. i asked if she asked my sister and she said my sister isn't used to driving. i mentioned then that she should come for the ride too...my mom totally thought it was unnecessary, so it's just me who'll be driving them.

after that, i plan on 40 min walk and then i go to the oral surgeon for my teeth. after that, i may do some fast shopping...prob not. i may just come home for a bit. lol. maybe get a movie. i don't have a set plan. later, at 5pm, i'm hoping i'll be well enough for yoga. however, now i remember the snow storm may prevent that. on sunday, i would like to go to yoga 2x...morning and afternoon...but, once again, that may be prevented due to the storm. yuck.

today was a challenging day, emotionally. lots of things happened...but i'm too tired to discuss. nothing really bad, maybe i'll write about all that tomorrow.

goodnight all.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

geevee on 12/14/2007:
The best part of yoga is how it clears the mind. It's totally blank except for the instructions being absorbed. That's why I have a problem with motivating myself to do it alone at home. It's just not the same when you have to do the thinking yourself. It ruins it.

I've done two sessions a day a few times, but it's not something I can do all the time. Occasionally I can rev myself up for it and do just fine.

Do you have any favorite asanas? And which are the ones you hate? For me, those are the ones involving upper body strength. I'm terrible at it, yet when it comes to flexibility I'm great and really enjoy doing those.

Yoga is so good at allowing you to focus your mind. For me that means thinking about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. Nothing else is on my mind for 1.5 hrs., and then when the class ends I leave still thinking about what I've just done. Food doesn't enter the picture.

As for this weekend for you, play it by ear and see how you feel after the extraction. Yoga might be helpful, but if you're not up to it, don't push it. Remember, in yoga, you only do what your body allows you to do. Never force it.


Donkey on 12/15/2007:
I do not think you will feel up to shopping after your surgery. Do you have someone who can drive or accompany you home? I hope so. Good luck...



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Dec 13, 2007

Weight: 130.0

i had a splurge on peanut butter and cashews after work today after dinner.

so, calories could have been much lower. but, after adding 1200 calories in just peanut butter and cashews, my total is 2200. overall, that's ok i guess. at least i'll be performing yoga tonight! :)

total exercise: 2 hrs, 5 min :)

total ex: 16 hrs, 5 min :)

i think the nuts i've been eating has been beneficial to my hair, skin, nails...and overall health. i'm gonna try to keep this up for awhile! :)

on weekends, i will not eat as much nuts because I like more filling, bulky foods rather than calorie dense ones. I get two wisdom teeth out this saturday...i cannot wait!!! :) i can't wait because i really don't need anymore problems on that side of my mouth! i'll definitely do yoga Friday...hopefully i'll feel ok by Saturday at 5pm to take that yoga class so i don't miss a day. I really am going to try to do yoga most days of the week!

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mylifechanges on 12/13/2007:
i love love love nuts! they are so yummy. :) your calories are looking MUCH better than last week. So I'd say to take it all in stages...maybe gradually lower them so you don't freak out at dropping from everything to very little. :)

Haha. And I've never heard anyone EXCITED about getting out wisdom teeth, but I'm glad you won't be feeling any more pain! :) I hope the surgery goes well! Have a great weekend HoPs!


fritters on 12/13/2007:
You always do so good at getting in your exercise - good job!! I hope your mouth feels better soon.


OnlySkinDeep on 12/13/2007:
I have to have some wisdom teeth out too. Good job on all the exercise! That's great!!


hollybelle on 12/14/2007:
Boy are you excited about your wisdom teeth - The nuts probably do help your hair - the nutrients and the protein are both good for it. Have a good weekend and P.S. I agree - I can't wait for your sister's first dose of reality when I roommate - not a family member - tells her off about her inconsiderate self! After she moves will it just be you and your parents at that point?



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Dec 12, 2007

Weight: 130.0

...she got a parking ticket using my car and i had to pay for the stamp...37 cents is not a lot by any means, but she needs to learn to pay for her own stuff. honestly, why did i even provide the stamp!? lol, now that i look back on it, i don't know WHAT i was thinking. let her get one on her own. she has yet to pay me 37 cents and its been almost a month! i've asked her PLENTY of times. she is just one inconsiderate person i tell you. i DON'T know WHAT IT TAKES.

edit: once again, my annoying sister gets in the shower the minute i get home from yoga. she is SO UTTERLY RUDE. she drives my car every morning and hardly thanks me for it as i am stranded after work unless i want to get it...which is not enjoyable in the cold, after work. she is just so uncaring. I don't get it. and soon she won't get my car anymore. and if she uses up the hot water....there's no saying how i will react. how dare her be so inconsiderate.

btw, i do hot yoga and i come home a dripping mess. it's late...10pm and i'd like to go to bed. she is just rude and demanding. she's purely spoiled when it comes to anything in this house. she's done it again. i really don't know what it takes to teach her a lesson. i can't wait for her to move out...she's supposed to sometime after the new year. it can't come soon enough and then she'll see how tough it is outside this house! i can't wait till her first fight with her roommate. i know it'll happen sooner rather than later. no one is going to put up with the crap that we, my family, puts up with. loser.

I needed to vent. thanks.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

tonight i've had to fight major urges to overeat! I did give in a couple times by having a huge thing of tea....then another drink. but, i'm refusing to get up to get anymore food. i am actually full. so, i don't need food!

calories have been remarkable, to say the least. i'm very happy - 1,000 calories at the moment. honestly, i shouldn't need to eat again for the rest of the night since i already had dinner at 5pm. i have yoga at 8pm and the plan is to go to bed after...i agree with geevee that yoga, at least yoga in the evening, doesn't spark my appetite. in the morning or afternoon, i usually come back STARVING. however, that might also be cravings in my head!

exercise is good, too. today will be 2 hrs, 5 min! yay! :)

i didn't work myself to the max at yoga yesterday, which is GOOD. i'm not sore...which is GOOD. i actually want to get into a routine of going to yoga EVERYDAY. why not!? it's paid for a year...i can go as often as i like.

total ex: 14 hours!!! yay!

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

timeforachange on 12/12/2007:
Thanks for the advice! What do you do when you're at work tho? Cuz I eat lunch at work, and I work at a Dr's office so we ALWAYS have TONS of junk food around (especially during holidays b/c ALL of the patients bring us stuff ahhhh!)....so that's my problem...I find myself munching on all the junk all day after lunch...which you figure I eat lunch at 12 and get off at 5 so that's 4+ hours of munching!....anyway, I was reading your past entries and it seems you and I have the same type of overeating issues. If you ever need any support or anything feel free to ask! It's not "good" to read about someone who has the same issues I do with eating so many calories in a day sometimes, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone in it ya know? Because at work everyone else seems so "normal" and they dont eat like that so it makes me feel worse. Anyway, sorry for rambling, I'm glad you had a good day! Keep it up!! =)


mylifechanges on 12/12/2007:
hi HoPs! It's good to see you getting back on track. I was worried about you there for a bit. :( I'm sorry things are stressful at home for you. I don't have any siblings, so I can't really relate, but my best friend and her brother used to tear each other apart over her car, so I know how ugly it can get. :( I hope things look up for you again soon! Great job on the exercise! You're doing GREAT! :)


borntocry on 12/13/2007:
Oh, poor HoP! I'm sorry to see your sister is driving you crazy again. I know I've said this before, but have you tried talking to her about her inconsiderate habits? Do you get the feeling that she does it on purpose or is it just that she doesn't think about it? I do know how difficult it can be to live with siblings because I have a brother with whom I don't get along at all. But in many cases I think one is reluctant to confront family members with issues that could actually be resolved quite easily. Unless your sister is deliberately trying to upset you, you should be able to reason with her and maybe come to some sort of compromise. For instance, she gets to keep using your car as long as she lets you take a shower after yoga. And if she forgets, you must let her suffer the consequences of her irresponsibility by depriving her of your end of the deal. If she is going to act like a child, maybe she needs to be treated like a child too!


jmarie60 on 12/13/2007:
Siblings can be so crazy sometimes!!!! I couldn't imagine living with my brothers again....

I am glad you are doing so well with yoga. I've always wanted to try!

Best of luck today!


jon'smom on 12/13/2007:
Keep up with the yoga! I think I should give it a try. Sorry about all the stress:(


shadetree on 12/13/2007:
Have you tried flushing the toilet while she's hogging the hot water? (Or does that not work with your plumbing?) That would be a good way to teach her a lesson.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Dec 11, 2007

Weight: 130.0

today was a good day because there was a plan of attack!

exercise: 35 min AM plus YOGA! finally, i went to my second class. It took over a week to get back into it!

Total exercise: 2hrs, 5 min :)

total ex: 11 hrs, 55 min! :)

total cal: about 1300. I'm ecstatic. now, i just need to continue this way!

oh, the plan of attack included volunteering and yoga after work today. I volunteered from 5-7 and went to yoga from 8-9:30pm...yes, they do have classes that late! so, this prevented a binge.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

borntocry on 12/12/2007:
Yay, HoP, that's the way!! Maybe you can keep up with the volunteering and yoga after work. Keep an energy bar or some fruit with you so you can have a little snack if you get too hungry. You don't want to use that as an excuse to go home and spend the evening pigging out.

When my husband has to work late or go to basketball practice and I have the evening to myself, I make sure to have a plan to keep myself busy. Sometimes I work late, or I go to a supermarket on the other side of town, or I plan to cook something elaborate which I know will keep me busy. If I just sit at home watching T.V. by myself, I know I'll spend the whole night eating. Just don't put yourself in that situation, and you'll be surprised at how easy it can be!


Moody2 on 12/12/2007:
Hey you! I have been reading up on you and am SO glad to see that you had a successful day!! Woohooo!! Sounds like you have an excellent plan of attack (gotta love that). Take it one day at a time..I know you can do this.


geevee on 12/12/2007:
Many were the nights when I would go to an evening yoga class without having eaten because you just can't do yoga with a full stomach. Surprisingly, after an 1.5hr. class I'd leave without feeling hungry at all. That always amazed me, the effect that yoga had on my appetite. I think I even slept better the evenings I went to yoga.

So when you get home, try to concentrate on how good you feel and visualize the postures you did to your satisfaaction. I would think negatively about the rolls of fat that would come down to choke me when I'd do the shoulder stand which I totally DETESTED! I'd think that a posture that made me feel so awful couldn't be good for me! Looking at myself in a leotard and tights was enough to make me lose my appetite. That's why I prefer that apparel to loose fitting yoga pants. There's no incentive in wearing them.

The more yoga classes you attend, the more you willwant to go. Believe me, you CAN lose weight doing yoga and not even thinking about it.


starfish on 12/12/2007:
Good for you!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Dec 10, 2007

Weight: 130.0

oh my. i really did binge today, monday, after yesterday's rambling about giving my word to end it all.

so, basically, buying new clothes made me able to binge more. just kidding, it does need to stop. it's harder than i thought this would be.

calories: 5,000 in mostly carbs. the binge could have been prevented and was after work. It lasted 1.5 hours.

basically, i want to be able to eat everything and still lose weight. i know i can do this with moderation, but i'm afraid to not get full. the road ahead is going to be a challenge and i will have to prove i'm ready...when i'm ready?

55 min exercise.

total ex: 9 hrs, 50 min....it's gonna get better! :)

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/10/2007:
It's always hard to begin, and once you're in a routine of healthy eating it's even harder to maintain and not fall backwards. I think the main point you need to remind yourself of is that you keep trying.

I *love* bread and grain products - I started eating whole grains a few years ago and that's good, but I can still stuff my face. I really struggle with this and it sounds like you do, too. Are you consciously eating 5,000 calories? I mean, do you sit down at a quiet dinner table and eat that much in one sitting? Try it sometime. When you want to eat, sit down at the table and eat. And don't read a book or watch t.v., or fiddle with anything else but your food. Your stomach may not actually feel as empty as you think.


Donkey on 12/10/2007:
You may have to face the possibility that you cannot stop the bingeing on your own. Please prove me wrong.


raksi on 12/10/2007:
I know how you feel :( My binges are my downfall. What are your bingeing patterns?? I'm trying to be more aware of mine and trying to find way to stalwart them when I feel it coming. Mine usually occur after work as well. Try to have hearty snack before you leave work or go do some exercise right after work! I've been going to yoga right after work and I want to start walking when I don't have yoga classes. Because of the class, I haven't had a binge in a couple weeks. Get back on that horse again and try not to beat yourself up, it is hard, but you can do it!!


borntocry on 12/11/2007:
I also feel like I should be able to eat whatever I want and still lose (or not gain) weight. I guess I feel sorry for myself and that I deserve to eat or at least that I don't deserve to go hungry. Sometimes it's really hard to go on a diet after several days of overeating because it seems like such an enormous deprivation (which it is when you're used to eating whatever you like). But you just have to get used to it. You have to believe that you're strong enough to do it. You're tough, you can go without food.

It's really hard to break out of a binge cycle. Sometimes will-power isn't enough. Try to make it physically impossible for yourself. Go somewhere after work - somewhere you can't go on an hour-long binge. Go to the gym or a mall or a movie or something. Go for a really long walk and don't stop until you're exhausted - then you still have to walk back! Get in a really good workout - you won't want to undo all that work with a binge. Don't just rely on yourself to avoid the food when you're sitting in the midst of it. That's like trying to quit smoking but carrying a pack of cigarettes around with you. No-one could do it!

Make things easier on yourself!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Dec 09, 2007

Weight: 125.0

today's exercise: 40 min.

total exercise: 8 hrs, 55min

My bingefest is over. I end the day with 5950 calories. (approx. 6,000).

So, tomorrow starts my challenge. A better entry would read TODAY starts my challenge.

So, as Biscottibody writes certain goals for herself, I have a goal for myself:

loose about 20 lbs in 20 weeks. As long as I stick to fitness and calories, this is MORE than realistic.

It's Done. If I offend everyone with these really dramatic, unrealistic, entries, sorry.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If i stick to a diet for 20 weeks, I will be how I want to look. 20 weeks sounds challenging, but definitely doable. 20 weeks takes me all the way to April 27th! My gosh, that's such a long ways away!!! I have to prove to MYSELF that this is worth it. I need to take ONE day at a time... I want this sooo bad. There's nothing stopping me except for my MIND. Wrong choices are NOT worth it. JUST NOT WORTH IT.

calories so far: 4760. people would never think its possible!

Nobody said change is easy. I've chosen to spend the day at home for the most part. I will be stopping by Old Navy to pick up some pants that fit. Hopefully they'll be a very reasonable price.

I'm going to read. Maybe start a journal. I just had a snack, even though I'm still full from the morning. I guess sometimes you need to revisit the past before making changes so that you don't stay in the past. What I mean is, I think I needed to gain weight in order to realize it is possible and that i don't want to continue on this type of journey. I'm not sure if this is logical.

For some reason, I have Jeno's microwavable pizza on my mind. It's in my house. I didn't buy it...it's not mine. Maybe I should go to yoga at 3pm even though i'm full? It'll be difficult to do some of those poses. Plus, i need to buy pants for work and if I go to yoga I can't buy the pants. so, yeah, yoga's out for today. I'm not worried about my membership...even if i didn't go a whole month, i'd make up for it in the end.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

interestingly, i go from wanting to "look hot" right before bed to a terrible morning binge. i couldn't exercise inside on the treadmill, because my dad was. but, i didn't have to binge. cakes, cookies, yogurts, everything.

so, now it's time to calculate: 4000 cal for breakfast!

i told myself just now that this was the last straw. the problem is that i don't like to intuitive eat. i'm afraid to. so, once i start to eat past full, the binge begins...

i have to purchase at least two pairs of pants today because my others don't fit and its embarassing. I am started my diet again. I'll try my best. I have been getting better at noticing my feelings before a binge, even if it doesn't appear that way to you.

i will concentrate on my breathing and go to yoga. I know i can overcome these negative thoughts. I know it.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Soon2BThin on 12/09/2007:
Good luck with your diet. Just do the best you can. No one is perfect. Take it slowly. Have a great week!


geevee on 12/09/2007:
What I love about yoga is that it clears my mind. I concentrate on what the teacher is saying about the asanas; what to do and how to do it. No thinking on my part if required. What I especially like is the admonition of the teachers to NOT push yourself. Let your body do what it can. In time, you will be able to do more.

I'll never forget the day when I was walking out to the parking lot and someone coming toward me said, "Did you just come from a yoga class?" "yes." "I knew it!" You looked so relaxed and calm."

I was, but what amazed me was how noticeable it was to others.

If it's not too late, I'd go straight to yoga and then go shopping for pan ts. The stores are open late at this time of year. You could probably do both if you chose to.


Donkey on 12/09/2007:
I wish you the best of luck! Come on, Horn, we can do it!!


borntocry on 12/10/2007:
Hi HoP! I hope you are really serious about this challenge and are getting down to business starting today. Rather than think about how long 20 weeks is, you should concentrate on one day at a time and think about your health. No-one needs 5000 calories a day - you know in many parts of the world people are subsisting quite happily on under 1200 calories a day. If we didn't have so much food available, we wouldn't think about eating so much. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Thanks to supermarkets and refrigeration, we can eat whatever we fancy at any point of the day - exotic fruits, dairy products, all kinds of treats. Back when humans were living in caves, we would probably have been happy to find one potato or catch one small rodent to gnaw on.

Not sure if any of this is relevant but just thought I might share my thoughts with you!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Dec 08, 2007

Weight: 125.0

i now have more like 15 lbs to lose, but i'll work on one pound at a time and take it from there. if i did it once, i can do it again, right!?

most importantly, i will learn to reflect on fitness and other comforting things other than food to get my feelings and emotions out! :)

total calories: 1950 (I had some wine after watching the concert. At least red wine is healthy!)

I am determined to look really hot. lol. whenever i go out with friends and have a good time, i come home determined to look hot! why is this!?

today's exercise: 1.5 hours walking.

total ex: 8hrs, 15 min.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

starfish on 12/08/2007:
Great attitude :) Try to remember that 125 at 5'2" is not considered over weight. So be gentle with yourself. If you find it difficult to stay at 1500 per day then allow 2000, then when you feel ready go down to 1900, then 1800 and on from there. I find that when I allow myself to have negative self talk for not having a perfect day it can easily send me into a downward spiral that can take weeks or months to get out of. I'm practicing being forgiving of myself if I go over my calorie goal for the day. I've realized that if I forgive myself right away then I have a much better day the next day :) and one day of over eating is much better than 30 days!


starfish on 12/08/2007:
Also to get emotions out I write in my journal or go for a walk. If you need to vent your feelings you could always let it out here too.


workingit2 on 12/08/2007:
Good job. Rest easy =)


workingit2 on 12/09/2007:
For me, looking 'hot' is about the entire package working together to help the other pieces of the package lol. Like, the hair and makeup look good and that helps perhaps the outfit look better...the outfit looks good to help the body shape look better...the body shape looks good to help everything pull together..but it isn't like I stress myself over each thing. For example, when I get out of the shower and am putting on my makeup, there is that point where I think "Ugh, it is hopeless" and get aggravated with the way I look at the moment. But I know that once I finish the makeup, that it will look very nice and I'll be happy again. So usually I hurry up with the makeup on days I feel like that lol. Or I'll think "oh yuck, my hips look horrid" (especially now) and I'll pull out my before picture or I'll hurry up and finish dressing because I know I look better with clothes ON lol.

I think it is perfectly normal to want to look hot. We all want to look good when we go out..even if it is just to the grocery store. The trick to actually living life is not to make the need to look hot, become an obsession that robs us of enjoying our TIME. I know a lot of us would live vastly different lives with vastly different thought processes if we knew we only had two weeks left to live.

So enjoy making yourself look hot! Just don't forget to enjoy LIFE while you are at it. =)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Dec 08, 2007

Weight: 125.0

Saturday entry:

so eating started as good as I could make it the day after a three-day full out binge. I found myself stopping by the specialty supermarket after the dentist consultation. The tooth couldn't come out today, bc it was just a consultation. And, even if i do remember the dentist saying there was a possibility that he'd take it out the same day, it wouldn't happen today: my mouth by the tooth was INFECTED. and i know why, the three day binge!! Of course, I didn't mention that to the dentist, but that's pretty crazy. whenever i eat/chew overboard, this happens! sick. lol. just another reason not to let eating rule my life.

into the afternoon, eating got bad...and i've even had 6 mini lollipops...and the milano's took their toll. so far, 1770 cal.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Friday's calories were 4700. I'm ready to stop the binging for awhile. I'm getting my wisdom tooth out this morning probably...if the consultation goes well. It's a little swollen in that area due to my excessive chewing/eating.

alright everyone. have a good day.

no exercise at all on Friday.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

shadetree on 12/08/2007:
Well, on a positive note, maybe by getting your wisdom tooth out it will make it uncomfortable to eat and that will help you not binge :)

Have a good day!


borntocry on 12/08/2007:
I know what you mean - sometimes my jaw aches from eating too much. Quite embarrassing. But as shadetree says, getting a tooth out will surely curb your appetite!

Thanks for your comment. I have made butternut squash pie, but not turnip. I'd heard of that but thought it was a joke! Have you ever had it? What's it like? I like pumpkin and sweet potato pies because I don't have to add much sugar. Don't know if that would work with turnip!


geevee on 12/08/2007:
I couldn't believe the weight you posted! You now weigh what I did when I reached my goal a year and a couple of months ago. (Can't recall the exact date.) You HAVE TO get control of your eating habits or you'll be up in the 140's with me in no time at all. You DON'T want that! Your binges are taking a toll. Why don't you follow the suggestion Biscotti made not too long ago? CC



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Dec 06, 2007

Weight: 125.0

Friday morning edit:

I've already had another bingy day this morning! an apple, cup of pumpkin...and 4 tablespoons peanut butter. all together: 550 cal. the reason that i say it was a binge is because i ate past being full, way past being full.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i'm gonna die a very early death. i'll tell ya that.

4,000 calories today. almost every piece of clothing is too small. i've got problems.

yeah, i know, i need to go about this process slowly. the more pressure i put on myself, the worse off i am.

the control these past few days has been lost.

exercise: 1 hr.

this is sooo sick...and I haven't felt the way I have today and yesterday in a few weeks. It's that really weighed down feeling. When there is gross bulk in your stomach and it sits and sits there for 3 days until you feel like yourself again. I know that life will always be difficult, and i really do need to stop turning to food. I want to live a life that is so far and distant from the one i have now...where food is not an issue and i have more enery than ever before. where i'm in great shape and i don't sit around with my legs up at the computer for 3 hours or more in a row!

if i gain any more weight, i'll pretty much be at my higheset weight before i lost 30 pounds 6 years ago. I'm totally headed in the wrong direction...this is sooo sad! i need to fix this. i know how and i just give up day after day.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/06/2007:
Why do you think you aren't worth your goals?


mylifechanges on 12/06/2007:
ok girly..you're breakin my heart here! You know what I find funny? I was thinking today when I was at the gym about all of my bad days, and how it's so easy to drown in self-pity and just give into the temptation to binge. But then I started thinking about how angry I've been in the past people who I love and care about were harming themselves (cutting, anorexia, etc.). And it just made me MAD! How dare those people think of themselves as so worthless that they would bring harm to their bodies? Then it was like a SLAP in the face that I do the same thing all the time. Why is it so easy to see the worth in others, and so difficult to fight for our own?...One of the quotes that has forever stuck with me was by a woman who is now a marathon runner (one of our mutual goals!) and triatholoner (if that's a word) who has lost more than 180 pounds. She said that eventually a time comes where it will just "click" and what did it for her was the fact that she would NEVER force her children to eat more than they were hungry for, or harm their bodies in any way. So why was she doing it to herself? I think so much of this fight is very much a fight for self-worth and realizing that we as human beings are WORTH the fight. If we're not, then why are we doing it? This is something I have to remind myself of on a daily basis....So stick with it sister. Pull yourself up from the computer screen, make yourself a nice list of goals (with REWARDS), and look forward to livin TODAY! It's all we've got!!

And now, just for fun, I compiled a bunch of the best encouraging things you've left on my blog throughout the last year. Maybe reading your own words will encourage you that you've got this in you- I know you'll see it through!!!

Love. love. love. ~Michelle

"so, you've had a string of bad days, just pick up here...it's never, ever too late to change. :)"

"you will definitely get right back into the groove..... the day could have been worse!! feel better! i'm cheering for ya!"

"it's all about having more good days than bad...and you are doing a greaet job with that!! :)" (HoPs- you've ALWAYS done a great job of this!!)

"You're on your way! I have my bad weeks too! What matters is that you never completely throw the towel in!"


borntocry on 12/07/2007:
Go out and buy a bunch of health food and new workout gear. The more expensive the better. Or better yet, sign up for a race! Find some way to motivate yourself! I know it's hard... I think it's harder in the winter. I feel like doing nothing but sit at home and eat. But you have to either physically get yourself out of the house, or find some way to mentally distract yourself from food. I know you already know this, but we all need to be reminded of it from time to time!


Donkey on 12/07/2007:
I do not know how you can manage to eat plain pumpkin. Pumpkin pie filling OK, because it is sweetened and spiced. Plain ol' pumpkin by itself? Yuck. Of course, maybe if I put butter and salt on it like a sweet potato, it might taste better to me. Hmm....


workingit2 on 12/07/2007:
Have you ever tried giving yourself permission to binge, on purpose, twice a month or once a week or anything? Maybe by making it 'ok' to binge a couple times a month, it will take away the feeling that it is abnormal to binge, and you can have something to work towards? I know when I started to change my eating lifestyle, I HAD to give myself permission to have a cheat day once a week, and then it was a cheat meal, and then it was once every couple weeks, down to once every month..and now, it is once in a while. Kind of like when a guy wants to go to a strip club but his wife/girlfriend is always telling him it is bad or wrong or whatever. It makes some guys want to go even more. But when a woman says "Ok, have a great time, just remember we have soccer practice with little Jimmy tomorrow" it kind of takes away the thrill.

In one of the articles I posted recently, they discussed that the thought of binging for some people, releases a pleasure hormone that can be addictive. So maybe if you can give yourself permission to binge at specific times that you write on your day planner or whatever, maybe you'll be able to control it a little more and you will find other things in the meantime, that give you pleasure.

Just a thought!


Donkey on 12/07/2007:
I gotta say, Biscotti's got some really good insight and sage advice. I think she nailed it right on the head. If this were me, I'd print it out and carry it around with me and read it several times a day.

One thing I'd like to add to the part she said about allowing yourself to eat what you really want instead of what you think should eat: I first drink a glass of water to make sure that I am not confusing thirst with hunger. Then, if I am still hungry, yes, I go ahead and eat it. (Especially when it comes to ice cream, I will eat ice cream if I am thirsty.) :-/

But I think if you ate what you wanted or what was available (i.e. what the rest of your family eats for a meal), then you would be more satisfied in the long run.

And I would like to reiterate about the counseling too. A social worker, a RD, somebody.


legcramps on 12/07/2007:
I know how hard it is to pick yourself up once you're so far down in that hole, but you need to do it. The problem is you probably already know that and just don't care. At least, those are always my feelings. Believe me, forcing yourself to do it will get you the same results as actually wanting to do it. So whether you want it, or whether you force yourself into it - get to the gym or go for a walk; join a class or hit up a friend to do something with.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Dec 05, 2007

Weight: 120.0

i emotionally ate 4200 calories. and, that's if i'm lucky and calculated correctly...ugh. bad stomach ache.

exercise: only AM 1/2 hour. sucky as anything!

total: 5 hrs, 45 min tomorrow i will go to yoga...and even though i had a bad day today, i am making a good attempt to recover tomorrow and for the rest of the weekend! :)

I feel like i'm at a point we're i'm almost unable to make any changes in my life...i get a step closer, and take 100 steps back.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/06/2007:
Did you have a happy Chanukah?


workingit2 on 12/06/2007:
Take a big deep breath! Keep taking those steps forward. I bet once you get active in yoga again, full time, that you will start to turn about. Hang in there!


greengirl on 12/06/2007:
Good luck with tomorrow and the rest of the weekend HoP. You can do it, girl !!!



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