- Friday Dec 26, 2014
Fasting. Just drinking some broth. Wishing you all a great day. Got just over two lbs to lose and will be 1/4 there after today.
Up only +5700 after today. I can do this.
Why do my legs hurt if I am hardly using them???
Ate dinner: 2 wraps, cooked veggies in butter, Greek yogurt with flax and cranberries 750-800.
Up 6500 still. Better than yesterday. Gonna take time to get rid of all the excess weight, at least I put a dent in it.
- Thursday Dec 25, 2014
I just can't do it....what is with me!?
anyways, ate one big meal today: 1450 calories at 11am, some more 350, 250, 50.
it's like I can't fast...but I can...
up 7600 calories.
approx. over 2 lbs.
need 4 days of fasting to lose this amount of weight. too much.
fasting tomorrow, day #1....yes at least 4 days...assuming my body actually burns 1900 per day which I doubt when resting....oh freaking well! gotta do better, somehow....I am so much better than this, I know I am. I am worth much more than the way I treat my mind and body. gotta overcome all odds. gotta do better for myself. there is no reason I have to suffer for the rest of my life with legs that don't work.
time to massage my legs....a bit...
not sure about the other 3.
- Wednesday Dec 24, 2014
gym was supposed to close at 5...but closed at 4:30. didn't end up getting a workout in!
pretty good eating so far. maybe a little extra caffeine, but balanced in terms of the food I have eaten so far.
Breakfast: extra avocado, one fried egg, one veggie sausage patty, low carb wrap, butter.
snacking: coffee, tea, cottage cheese with flax and blackberries
lunch: veggies, two low carb wraps, small chicken thigh, rest of the ginger tea :)
snacking at home early after getting out of work earlier as well: cooked cranberries, kale chips I found in the store yesterday, almond milk, and also some healthy flax crackers that I've had in the cabinet (very satisfying)...400 at most.
total so far today: 1650 & healthy. of course I will have dinner too...first a trip to the gym....to do a little bit, a most a half hour I am thinking :) just a little something is wayyyy better than nothing. cheers....and hoping to comment on your diaries tonight as well!
happy holidays to everyone, wishing you all health, joy, and happiness. no matter what religion you are, what holiday you celebrate, just wishing everyone good things tonight. I will type more later about some things on my mind lately....lol....nope, not having to do with men...entirely different subject!
750 in dessert. 200 eggplant rollotte. 400-500 veggies. 1450....ugh too much...1500...
up around +7150....
fasting Thursday / Friday....
+4000.....if all goes well :)
- Tuesday Dec 23, 2014
Today went by fast, really fast :)
Calories till end of workday: healthy 1250.
snack / dinner at home: 60 in the drink...followed by a boatload of leftover cooked kale, bok choy and broccoli and sesame oil and some teriyaki sauce. I did a nice job this time! it was a ton, maybe around 300 cal at most...then lots of grape tomatoes...100?, then some kind of chips made with coconut and parsnip that I found today after a stop at a natural food store on the way home from work! 120, and lastly, kombucha 60. total: around 650 or so. all healthy and tasty.
total: around 1900, perfect. it would be perfect if most workdays I could eat this amount of calories. I don't think i'd gain weight at this amount, especially if I start to put some exercise in.
clothes tight, so will be working on not eating much Thursday thru Saturday. out to dinner that night, so planning on low calories throughout day. and more normal on Sunday...maybe with exercise, but not pushing it. exercise is not fully part of my routine yet.
tomorrow I am planning on the gym after work :) for a short time. because I don't think I wanna wake up for it...maybe i'll change my mind!
- Monday Dec 22, 2014
After work Friday, I had bad sex. hadn't had any in months and months, actually..not since either last spring or January I think? I think it's mostly because my legs are to blame & I am staying home much, much more and not as amped to go out and party! lol, not that I really ever partied. all in all, i'm a good girl. but I don't really date...and when I was a lil younger, still in my 20's, i'd say it was reasonable to want to have a different sorta experience time to time....a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do sometimes. especially if she isn't a dater or relationship type of person!
Anyways, sex for the sake of sex is getting old and worse every time....I don't think I can let myself do it EVER again. all because a man has a nice looking face doesn't mean it will feel good to give yourself over to him, so he can satisfy himself as forcefully as possible, no pleasure or emotion on my part accounted for. I think this was the last time for me. I know I am going to have far less urges down the road to actually let my fantasies with guys to play out. men in my life that I see doing my routine. either work or gym (when I was a regular), etc.
I am going to not only be more picky, but going to consider my own feelings and value more. because this one sucked. today at work, this guy did say hi to me (you could tell he was actually nervous to do so - he was probably (haha maybe!) thinking I might be upset or something or he didn't know what to expect. from me...my public reaction) but it was normal, as I am always am with him at work.
he also said a joke to me on his way out of the office. so I guess all is good between us. that's good. we are adults and we did say we would be good to each other after the fact....and we are. but sex for the sake of sex, emotionless, is harsh and horrible.
a relationship is not possible with this guy for a variety of reasons. but, just so you know, we texted and had a "work relationship" for a few years now....sex only this one time, after at least 2-3 years of texting and joking around with each other at work.
Being at work, today went much better eating-wise. I started the day off with something healthy, a whole wheat English muffin with some butter, a fried egg, and lox. I made it at home before going to the gym for around 25min before work this morning! I like doing this, and I am going to try to keep it up as long as my legs continue to show progress. Only problem is that I do feel more of an energy crash at work midmorning when I go to the gym before work. I think I may need to eat more carbs. we'll see, i'll experiment.
Calories thru the end of the day before dinner: 1300.
BIG dinner: cabbage slaws with some vinegar / dressing: at least 300...then cooked veggies around 200?, a roasted chicken thigh (sorta on the small side) 200 no skin, and cooked cranberries 100....oh....AND a greek yogurt. was hungry. now i'm satisfied. around 950, all healthy. just generous in assortment and portions of veggies. without extra veggies, calories would be lower lol. everything else is sorta in proportion here.
total: perfect, 2250, decent and maybe I did burn close to it with the weights workout lol? probably not.
workout in AM:
1. 15 min upper arm cardio machine (for arms, not legs)
2. pushups 5-6 sets of 10-20 reps depending how far along I was...
3. assisted pull machine (I forgot the real name of it, will have to take a look next time). that's all there was time for....3 sets here, around 10 reps each.
then I left and ate breakfast in my car on the way to work....I felt good at work during the 1st half the morning but then I started to feel miserable...and did eat extra carbs...and it didn't really work....maybe protein is the way to go then!?
- Sunday Dec 21, 2014
Having a very hard time sticking to my plans.
I didn't fast today and had at least around 2,000 cal. all at one sitting.
I have gained weight and I am going to be very sorry I binged so much when nothing fits. Not sure what my problem is lately, but eating isn't helping me with anything. probably bc I was running around too much this morning and when I got home at 1:30pm I gave in.
I am giving myself an ultimate goal of fasting Christmas (I have off, but don't celebrate) thru day after Christmas. If I can do this, i'll burn off at least 3,000 cal. right now I am up 6,000 cal! yeah, that many cals. If I had fasted today, it would have been 4000. not sure what I am doing..
well, in order to knock off 6,000 cal, I need about 3-4 days of fasting...
on the days off during Christmas, I can try again....this coming Thursday, Friday, Saturday (going out to eat with friends), sunday....I can eat relatively little amounts and totally make up for this horrible binge cycle...and then I can eat NORMALLY for the long New Years weekend...but I AM going to have to sacrifice eating somewhere or the weight is going to start to stick....
just how to sacrifice...I think Christmas, Friday after, and Sunday....that would be a good sacrifice. followed by normal eating Mon/Tues/Wed and then a long weekend maybe also to eat less.
if I did this...I could start the New Year off well. otherwise, lots of work to do...
- Saturday Dec 20, 2014
7:30 Breakfast 550 pumpkin with cinnamon and stevia 50, 3 tablespoons pb 300on 2 wrap100
10:30 Snack: 700 yogurt with cinnamon, stevia, flax, 3 vitamin chews, almost 4 servings chips
1250....almonds 200, nut butter 300, hot pocket 250
2000 so far.
Fruit cooked strawberries with stevia and a grapefruit... feeling like I forgot to list something? 100. Yup, the rice with butter. 260.
2360. And an orange. 2450. Sounds good to me!
and out to dinner tonight...planning to indulge
Dinner was around 2000 cal. Huge burger with cheese, buttered bun, fries, homemade chips, salad and dressing,bread dipped in oil, fried shrimp.
I was over my calories before this weekend started by around 3500 and now I am over calories by around 4000. I need two whole days of fasting, at least. Doing really bad with eating these days. Really what I need is probably exercise....in the new year I plan to go back to it much more.
- Friday Dec 19, 2014
Calories thru lunch 1250.
Dinner: fish and some sautéed spinach 250 or so, was a small amount. Then big dessert 2 tbsp nut butter 200, pumpkin 50 at most, tofu 100, chia seed pudding 150...500...followed up with more wrap and nut butter 350 more! Total here: 1100 eesh.
Total: 2350 decent....may even choose to eat a lil more.
Exercise some push-ups and arm upper body cycling.
Guessing around 500 over this week.
And overall, I need to cut down 1 lb.
So by fasting only 1 dAy, I can eliminate around 1/2 pound but no more. Gonna eat real light tomorrow and fasting all day Sunday till Monday morning.
- Thursday Dec 18, 2014
Hey. I planned to exercise but somehow I ended up working late again. Almost 2 full hours extra.
Calories are around 2300-2350 bc I decided to have some fudgy dessert. Worth it. I did do abs this morning. Now reading before bed soon. Exhausted since I didn't sleep well last night.
I have been having more salt and I think it helps me feel better.
- Wednesday Dec 17, 2014
100 cal turmeric drink with lemon, almond milk and stevia. I made it. Also half cup canned pumpkin with cinnamon and stevia. 100
Breakfast: English muffin 100 with butter 50, egg 100, lox 50. 300. Coffee? 50
Snack protein bar 200
Lunch healthier kind of chip and spicy tomato juice 200, eng muffin 100 with veggie burger 120. 420. And an orange.
Snack yogurt 100 fat free Greek.
1250...plus also some candy so 1300. Then driving to give my gift to my favorite, cute physical therapist. I have a crush on him and we do text sometimes. He's single and 11yrs older but looks more like my age, 32. Like I said, he's sweet and I haven't seen him in around 2.5 months.
I haven't set my computer up yet....but my gift to my pt was a major success. He kissed me on the cheek twice. When I arrived and when I left :) he loved the seahorse gift I got him. I got the gift bc he has them as pets and it is something special and warm that was meant only for him. I will write the whole story on the weekend, since I got home late tonight after 9pm. Worked 12 hours at my desk job. And got to him - my PT - after 8. They are open late.
Ate a ton of sautéed veggies just now a lil after 9 so I could take the anti inflammatory.400? Bit too much oil.
Total 1700, great. No exercise, abs tomorrow morning.