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view Horn_Of_Plenty bio page
Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jan 17, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Sunday!

8am-9:30am Breakfast: kevita Cayenne pepper probiotic drink 10 with added stevia because it's not a sweet flavor, seltzer plain with stevia, entire bag of cooked cranberries that I wasn't planning to eat all of but I guess I was hungry at my folks' place and I had brought the bag with me to cook and eat anyways in the morning. just meant to bring some home. no worries. 180 and a few jelly beans 20, and a yogurt I brought along 130. total here: 330 - excellent.

12pm Snack while running errands: chocolate munchkin and coffee from DD 120

1pm lunch:  lots of sautéed greens with garlic and olive oil - at least 250 if not more..maybe even 300 cal but obviously very healthy, few bites chicken 50, and veggie straw chips (I love them) 150. total here: at most, probably 500, excellent.

3pm Low cal energy drink 50 Sautéed broccoli 100 at least some caffeine also. 1100, good...

4:20 before gym : peanut butter strawberry KIND bar 200. And some caffeine. 1300, good

After hardcore upper body gym workout around 8pm: healthy protein pancake: 1/2 small banana 50, 1/4 avocado 70, protein powder 130, egg whites 120, sf jelly 30, amino acids in water on the side 30 (not in pancake) total: around 430, good. filling. got some protein also and good fat...then gave into temptation & had more greens sautéed in olive oil with garlic.

Total today is 1930. Worth it.

2-day average is around 2115/day. good.

________________________________

Slept over my folks house last night. Dinner was great, high calories, but still lots of veggies and enjoyable. Good change of pace to keep me wanting to stay on track calorie-wise for the remainder of the weekend!

Did some errands after showering & relaxing a bit this morning at my parent's place. And now i'm back home reading a short book my colleague wrote! I told her i'd read it & write a review for her on Amazon.  I am honored to read the book and help her out. Because it's helping me too. She's sharing her written thoughts with me & I am using my own mind to comment and review them. Wonderful. I like using my brain in creative ways - sometimes feeling that I don't do it enough - especially at work!

____________________________________

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/17/2016:
Good job! Have a great week. How long till the wedding?

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2016:
It is 4/2!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jan 16, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Remember EVERYONE (ladies & gentlemen here):

You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to.  If you believe in yourself.

____________________________________________________________

8am-9am: kombucha three 8oz servings 100 and some aminos mixed into one of them 30. 130 total good.

10:30am Breakfast: Large Pancake: 1 banana 120, 1/2 avocado 160, egg whites 120, 1/8 cup oatmeal 60, stevia, sf jelly 40 (a lot of it I put on top) total here: 500, good. healthy carbs, protein, fats. This weekend i'll probably have oatmeal / pancake mixes throughout. Need the healthy fats like avocado especially.

Noon: snacking - chips 310

total so far: approx. 950, good.  I may go out & buy some seltzer & mix some stevia in & just relax this afternoon at home. While I'm out, I'll pick up 2-3 cases of bottled water (I use them only at work & gym - not home!) since i'm running low.

2pm-2:30 - beef jerky x2 & sautéed broccoli 300, strawberries 50

2250-2350 total ___________________________________________________________

Plans today are to LAY LOW. to RELAX :) I'm doing a lot of laundry also. Probably everything except sheets which I want to wait until Monday to do.  So, I'm going to chill here. Do a hair of paperwork / bills. Shouldn't take long. Read & search web. Comment on your entries.

Today's definitely a rest day. I was contemplating going to a festival in town on Martin Luther King at a nearby library but it's last minute and i'd rather spend this day of luxury and rest at home. I don't plan to leave my apt all day until evening.  I have what I need for today.

Lately, I'm planning better & better for the week. Food-wise also - I'm beginning to realize how important it is to also have some things available for Saturday without having to pick them up on Friday night after work.  I'm already prepared earlier. Being prepared is like 90% of the challenge in a lifestyle change.

Later on the evening, I'll be going out to dinner with my family & possibly / probably sleeping over so that I don't have to drive home late in the evening! Good deal!  They live around 40 minutes away when traffic is light.

___________________________________________________________________

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/16/2016:
Very true!!

Enjoy your dinner out.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2016:
was a good time with my parents :)


H82BFat on 01/16/2016:
Yes!! You go girl!! Being prepared (food-wise) IS a key factor in taking our control back!! Something I myself am still working on. I do NOT like to grocery shop. Don't know why, I just don't, so meal planning is very difficult for me. But, with that said, I have been able to keep sensible snacks on hand the majority of the time. Sure, I'd like to cut out the binge snacking all together, but until I do, I MUST be prepared!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2016:
Yes being prepared helps so much. Even myself, I do not like continuously having to run to store(s) and pick up veggies. Actually, I don't cook much so I am constantly running around buying cooked ones - and when I do - I buy extra to last a few days at least. you can do this, also. you don't have to get the veggies at the supermarket if you don't want to...


Awesome50 on 01/16/2016:
Sounds like you have everything under control and planned. Good stuff! Enjoy your day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2016:
everything was pretty planned, enjoyed some extra dinner, and it was a nice time with my folks!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jan 15, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

7-day average is pretty decent- 1860/day.

My goal for this coming week is a lower average. Wedding is coming!

Lately, I feel more in shape. I feel like I have been looking very nice in my clothes. And I realize people are noticing at work!!!!! I catch the men's attention! lol.

__________________________________________________

Woke up in middle of the night (blame the caffeine) but I got up for a lil, went online, and went back to bed. Overall, it's ok. and today's Friday with more of a chance to sleep well this 3-day weekend.

I accidentally forgot to set my clock - i'm lucky I got up in time. Had the WEIRDEST dream that I was pregnant - and single - and that my parents were actually happy for me! LOL. I'm def not pregnant.

I don't have that much time to get ready, but drinking my kombucha drink and hoping it does its amazing thing...and then getting ready, FASTER.

hate the rushing, but I did enjoy the extra sleep.

500 before lunch = really perfect. healthy, too.

1100 before dinner :)

Big dinner, but healthy basically: chips 260, chicken with some skin 250, lots of veggies, some sauce, 250 - prob at most... ouch - tad more than expected but good. total here: 760.

total today: around 1860. fine!

exercise: walk outside directly after work (but my bags in my car and walked around the area since i'd been sitting all day - healthy to walk - and weather was not very cold which is why I did it! walked for over a half hour - probably 40 minutes worth or so.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/15/2016:
I used to dream I was pregnant! And it was after menopause!

Have a good sleep over the weekend.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2016:
Someone else had a scare at work where she thought she was. Why do you think I dreamed it!? So scary.

And the weirdest part - I wanted to have the child until the very end of my dream around the time right before waking up when I realized there was one other option - ABORTION - and that it was my only option because I would not be able to give the child appropriate care or want to go thru the whole 9 month pregnancy process! SO WEIRD THIS DREAM!


grannyannie on 01/15/2016:
Weird! I had the dream many times and sometimes I was happy about it and sometimes not.


puddles on 01/15/2016:
I don't mind dreaming I am pregnant as long as I do not have to deliver.... lol... I rarely dream.


OhioRaven on 01/15/2016:
When I dream, it's usually about finding treasure or Nancy Jane Cassera at band camp.


grannyannie on 01/15/2016:
OR you are too funny!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 14, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1860/day - 6day calorie average = pretty good!

I’m trying to really look my best at this wedding. I’m putting all my eggs into this basket right now.  Trying very hard to feel good & look good…

When wedding is over, I am taking a break from the gym for around 3 weeks or 1 month I would say. So that I can spend my time with friends more & do what I want more in the time I would have spent at the gym. And also I will be less exhausted without gym. Also, when not doing gym that month, I am going to possibly start doing cardio.  I don’t do any extra cardio now. Only weights.
 
Got a lot I’m balancing up until the wedding. After it, I’ll cool down. 

 I can do whatever I set my heart too.

1800 calories today & an excellent workout.

Feeling SO MUCH BETTER this week. It's amazing what a little sleep can do!

I hope everyone has a happy start to their Fridays!

___________________________________________

Weekend Plans: Wanting very much to keep it low key :)

Saturday: laundry mostly, maybe a rest day at home, dinner out with family

Sunday: not too much planned -  few errands for the week (food shopping / buy waters) & gym

Monday Martin Luther King Day (off from work) - massage and dermatologist, relaxing more!

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/14/2016:
I understand the motivation to look good at a wedding. Have had many in the last few years and there's another one in July.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2016:
Have you dieted for any of them? or actually did lose weight for them?


innerpeace on 01/14/2016:
way to work towards your goals.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2016:
Thank you :) I feel like i'm doing the unthinkable! Sorta like i'm a superhero. hehe


grannyannie on 01/15/2016:
When I was 59 (2011) my motivation was to look good for my 60th birthday in 2012. There was also wedding in June that year and I kept the weight off for that one. Have to say I looked really great in the dress I wore. I was 128 lbs. Up and down ever since but the next wedding was Jan 2014 (here in Thailand) and I did not succeed. Wore the same dress but it was really tight. Wore the same dress (I love this dress) to another wedding the next year and it fit pretty well but not like the first time. Want to weigh 132 for the wedding in July - 128 is too thin since I've built so much muscle since then.


cybermom4 on 01/15/2016:
HP - can you explain the ab belt? I really don't have a waist at this point . Would you recommend this after losing more wight? Or does it actually help with a larger waist? Thoughts?



Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jan 13, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1870/day = 5day avg. good!

1850. healthy.

no exercise.

good day.

hopefully bed early, planning on it :)

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/14/2016:
Well done HOP!


cybermom4 on 01/14/2016:
I am so envious of your progress. I know you worked hard to earn those numbers. Thank you for all your tips and tricks - keep them coming- I know I have lots to learn - day by day. Congratulations on your good day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2016:
aww thank you. my progress has taken a long time to happen. Long time. It's like I needed to realize myself that I am capable.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2016:
aww thank you. my progress has taken a long time to happen. Long time. It's like I needed to realize myself that I am capable.


OhioRaven on 01/14/2016:
Have a Good night's sleep, HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2016:
It was :)



Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jan 12, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

4-day avg = 1875/day

Today is a low cal day, better than even expected.

Snack after work before gym: big apple, bar, light on the caffeine 300 def not more.

Snack after gym: large protein cookie, I was actually full partly thru but ate it and enjoyed it. will not get it again though - wasn't THAT tasty. 350

total today: 1600 = PERFECTO.

Tonight's workout = PERFECTO. but with less caffeine, I did notice LESS strength especially 2nd half my workout. but, overall, an EXCELLENT workout!

 

Planning on sleeping well tonight. :)  My body is ready :) hopefully a little caffeine won't be too much of an interaction :) yeah :)

______________________________________________

http://jamesclear.com/undefined/akrasia

Hi All!

Above is a fantastic article about delaying our gratification in order to meet important goals.

This is how i'm approaching both of my 2 major goals:

1. Weightloss and toning for wedding of my sister in April

2. NYPD Academy for either January '17 or more likely July'17.

I realize I will sacrifice and that the payoff in the end (and not an immediate payoff as both goals are at least 3 months away!) payoff in the end is going to be amazing! for both goals!

Sacrifices include: less socializing mainly. less going out on weekends. more commitment to wedding plans like bridal showers / parties and also commitment to gym. commitment to a focus on the gym and not skipping until after this wedding is over. I will not skip my 3x a week workouts. I will get the rewards I want.

Other sacrifice - lowered calories over these 3 months. but also learning to stick with to the lowered calories for the LONG TERM.

Other sacrifice: - less time spent or more probably no time spent with opposite sex for these next 3 months. - this is a sacrifice believe it or not. I'm putting my own needs off - even my sudden want to look for someone to date - which has become high on my list - to want to date and not just see my best friend anymore...I am suddenly desiring a man in my life - and in a romantic way - not purely physical. but this desire can wait 3 more months before it becomes any sort of fraction of a reality. I want nothing more than to meet my primary 2 goals right now. and, as far as I complete my first goal, my mind will become open again to dating. this sacrifice is purely for my first goal. and who knows, maybe it will change but I don't see it changing, yet. because, with dating, comes eating out, etc. i'd rather this take place after the wedding - for obvious reasons as more control over what I eat is obviously easier when not on a date! duh!

there are sacrifices...and they are so worth it!

other note - i'm  so glad I'm over that guy. I was blind to the fact that it wasn't a healthy relationship. for him to never ask me out - and be texting for 1.5 years...and for him to say he wanted to go out - and then not able to act on it - i'm so glad i'm out of it. i'm so glad I have stopped texting him. i'll never go back to it. I never have to. I'll be healthier without him. plus, if he ever came to me - yes, i'd consider it. but, as long as it hasn't happened, i'm happy now. and probably going to sleep far better too. good for these months before the wedding. thankful it's over and i'm not wasting further of my time.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

liza36 on 01/12/2016:
Thanks for sharing the article. I found it very useful! Good luck with your goals. You are so smart to list the sacrifices too, and to know that they are worth it! I may have to do the same.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
I hope to read an entry where you do :)


H82BFat on 01/12/2016:
Sadly, I recognize myself in all three of those steps, as in I don't do any of them!! I think about doing them, but.... Anywho - looks like you've got some plans AND the focus to achieve them!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
You can also achieve your goals. Trust me, anything is possible.


biscottibody59 on 01/12/2016:
Enjoy your afternoon!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
It was pretty darn good for a workday, pretty darn good :)


puddles on 01/12/2016:
I can sense major determination in your writing - good for you. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
Thank you very much Puddy!

Believe it or not, what I feel is similar to what it must be like for launching a rocket.

It's like i'm fully preparing, checking everything...and getting ready for the first launch! It feels so good.

Despite some lows recently...it seems I am able to get out of the funk in days instead of weeks.

Thanks again.


Awesome50 on 01/12/2016:
That was a very interesting read. Thanks for sharing.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
My pleasure. I subscribe to James Clear. He is an excellent motivational writer.

If he's ever in my area, I totally want to go & hear him speak!


innerpeace on 01/12/2016:
I enjoyed that article. I hope to put somethings into action. I already do the automatic electronic transfer thing I had those pesky games off my phone, but when I got the new one I put them back on. I shall take them off On Monday, January 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm.


OhioRaven on 01/13/2016:
Perfecto !

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/13/2016:
hehehe...


cybermom4 on 01/13/2016:
I enjoyed reading your post. You seem very focused on the Academy and how this will require you to make changes. You are way ahead of the game by being so true to your body and fitness. This is exciting and I wish you well! Can't wait to read the article. Have a super day today!!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jan 11, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Okay...time to start a new entry :)

Today was a whole lot better than Thursday & Friday of last week.

I'm getting over my lost friendship with the guy I know for 2 years & texted / talked on phone / once in awhile visited at his work (but hardly) for 1.5years. He was always pushing off getting together but saying how he wanted to - so - I ended the texting. It's hard to explain, but i'm missing him. He was an overall really cool dude. I wanted to date him. But, it takes two.

so moving on :) It has pushed me to want to date a little bit. To see what is out there :)

Total calories today are probably around 2100.  had a bigger dinner. Overall, a healthy day. some chips as my choice of carbs, but also 2 fruits, lots of veggies & healthy proteins. overall, a nice day, like I said.

no exercise.

legs are VERY sore from when I chose to walk up the stairs for 5 minutes in my apartment building. i'm not always the smartest lol.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Awesome50 on 01/11/2016:
It would seem like a good thing based on what you've said that you are moving on from this fella. While doing so remember your value and that your are worth more than texting.

Stairs are a good workout. That counts as exercise. Have a good night.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2016:
Yes, overall it is a good thing. I do deserve someone who wants to see me. Thank you.



Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jan 09, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Monday ALL! I thought i'd leave this entry up to gain some more advice from you guys lol.

_____________________________________________

Total cal Sunday: 1600 prob at most.

2-day average cals: 1900/day.

_____________________________________________

Sunday:

Last night (Saturday night) I had to take another sleeping pill because I haven't been sleeping well for these past couple weeks now. And, I knew I would be able to at least sleep in more than I do during the week.  So, I took it.

I didn't have a problem falling asleep last night, but I woke around midnight or 1am and was having trouble getting back to sleep. I decided to take the pill & of course if worked after like 20 minutes.

I am now groggy bc of the pill but at least I did get more sleep. My body needs the rest - especially since i'm trying to really get good workouts in at the gym...so, I would say the sleeping pill was beneficial. I'll stay away from them during the week though - or I will really feel exhausted at work from the side effects of the pill!

10am: Kombucha 70 (need to buy more after gym)

11:30 meal - pancake: 1 egg and egg whites 100, lil bit oatmeal and extra oil 100, small banana 120, sugar free jelly 20 around 350 - good.

__________________________________________________________

Saturday total: 2200

I do weigh 118.  So a primary and important goal for me is 115 for the wedding. Seems it will be easy if I keep everything the same these next 2.5 months. Makes me at least happy to feel in control of that. I am really proud of myself - I've lost almost 10 lbs! That's a great feat! Like I said, if you stick with it, anything is possible. This is all because of my dedication! and it's not easy - for anyone! I am overjoyed that i'm accomplishing what I set out to do. It's been my goal & I haven't given up on myself no matter how much at times I feel like saying "oh, maybe I should care to lose the last few and just go to the wedding as I am now!" but....why reach for less!? why not go the whole way!? why not prove to myself I can do it???? To conquer a challenge leaves such a feeling of achievement. And weightloss is a challenge. Isn't it!? After this challenge, my next one is even better -

My next challenge from after my sister's wedding - it to practice a higher level of consistency and maintenance. To practice being more MODERATE. that's right - I will practice and focus on moderation! And why?  To keep myself more at an even keel. To feel better overall all the time. I will lesson my coffee and caffeine consumption overall after wedding. In general, I'll work to improve upon my emotions and general well-being by focusing on moderation. And training myself specifically for the academy. Focusing on adding cardio a little but only as I feel is moderate and not overdoing. I'm going to be preparing myself after this wedding for entering the NYPD academy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without any weddings looming or any other distractions, my goal will be just one - to feel good about entering the NYPD academy. I will work on my confidence and self-awareness that I have the ability to do it. I will prepare myself and work on quitting my current job when I know for sure which academy date i'll be entering. Just writing about it makes me feel good, positive, and inspired to get there.

You know how everyone has goals and aspirations?  Well, in all my life, the NYPD has been my biggest goal.  I have NEVER wanted anything more than this. And when I do make it, I will thank god that my life dream has come true.

It makes me so happy to write about it.

__________________________________________________________

Many people with distorted eating and obsessions fall into seeking control over their weight when nothing else seems right....but....it's not like I'm doing anything wrong. I am working on my life. And i'm heading in the right direction. But the goal now is wedding / looks / weight. When this wedding is over, i'm celebrating with pizza. and i'll always strive to look good and work on increasing my weights that I use to higher ones...i'll always be working to improve upon my fitness. but right now, it's in the very forefront. I'm determined. It's a huge goal - it's my only sister's wedding! Only person in my whole family to get married.

So, as much as it may not make sense to some, it makes sense to me. And that's the only person it needs to matter to.

I want to look OUTSTANDING at this wedding. I'm working my hardest to do so.

________________________________________________________

Early - kombucha 70

Breakfast - oatmeal 120, egg whites 60, almond milk 20, banana 120, chocolate peanut butter 150 total: 470

lunch: 1/2 avocado 150, small veggie sausage 80, zucchini in a bit of tomato sauce 150, chips 220. total: 600 - good. balanced.

Snacks Apple 80, Greek yogurt coffee flavor with wheat bran mixed in 200. 1420, good.

dinner: 600

total: 2050 or so - good.

And peanut butter. Total 2200, good.

Getting everything done today so that tomorrow dress shopping with mom doesn't need to have ANY more stress than it needs to be.

So, today, doing all my laundry (bed sheets, towels, clothes). Also will pick up any food but probably wait until Monday evening because i'm having this apt cleaned Monday (I like to do this every 2-3 months because it's something that is slightly out of my budget but worth it because I feel I may have this apartment my entire life possibly so I want to care for it the best I can and this makes me feel that I am.) And it's best not to have a full fridge when the cleaning lady cleans it and removes everything for awhile - spoils faster. so i'd rather wait till the cleaning is done.

Also Monday - I requested to have my tub and bathroom sink snaked. The sink water hasn't been draining fast for the past 2 months and I know there must be a boatload of hair in that drain. So I figure ask them to snake the tub too. I asked management to do this in the morning since cleaning lady is coming in afternoon! - busy Monday that I must prepare for today. I'm cleaning up my own papers and documents. Putting them away obviously in a locked closet like I always do before cleanings. Even though i'm having the apt cleaned, I must actually obviously put away anything private and prepare for the cleaning.

In the past, I have always been content with the cleanings - but - it seems that the cleaning lady does NOT pay careful enough attention to how my vertical blinds operate. So, i'm leaving a note saying not too move the blinds - and i'll leave them open so she can clean the windowsill only. I once came home and my blinds wouldn't rotate properly after a cleaning and they were expensive to buy. So, yeah....I must prepare for the cleaning on Monday.

hmmmm....

I would like to choose the 2nd dress I tried on last week as my dress for my sister's wedding. But my mom is not as content. So this is why we are going dress shopping one last time tomorrow. She asked me to call and schedule an appt. at Nordstrom bc they have a huge bridal dept. Only apt was for 4pm. So, this is when we are going. Now, my mom tells me that she'd like to also possibly go somewhere before that. But she hasn't finalized plans yet so now I have to make sure to keep my schedule open tomorrow because I have no idea when and where we are going. At least this won't be lasting forever every weekend.

I have no plans with friends this weekend bc I need to get my chores done at home, prepare for next week, and exercise in addition to this dress shopping tomorrow. I'll probably have dinner at my parent's house before coming back home Sunday evening for the work week. The good thing - next weekend is a 3-day weekend. I think I may try to plan something exciting for Saturday night. I need to add some excitement into my weekends when I can within reason or this winter is going to be really hard on me.

I have a lot of pressure that i'm putting upon myself to look radiant or at least look physically nice in the dress that I buy. It's very important to me. I'm into fitness and this is a chance to show my hard work. I am trying my hardest and that's the most I can do.

I may not have perfect skin or perfectly clear skin acne-wise because I have not been able to manage it that well due to stress and other elements, but, at least I can wear the dress aesthetically as well as possible.

I am stressed. Not just about the wedding. I am not happy with my minimal social life right now. I want more but I can't manage more. I am also dealing with trying to get the gym in 3x a week and even that is majorly challenging without enough rest and sleep lately.

Also, i'm not saving any money week to week at work. I lost $14,000.- annually after I stopped working overtime. My health is still more important than money and working extra. So, the pay cut is what it is. and I don't save any money right now for my future - I do live paycheck to paycheck like so many people in this country. And no, i'm not interested in changing my budget or altering the way I spend my money.

Almost none of my "secondary needs" are being met right now. My love life took a nose-dive this week when it was finalized that my friends both here and in the outside world were proven right - that the guy I was texting and talking to on the phone for 1.5 years doesn't want a "romantic relationship" as he put it.

Other secondary needs - financial security - not being met. Love - not being met. Social stuff - not fully being met.  Self-realization and reaching my potential - not being met. And one that I had really overlooked until I reminded myself a few days ago about secondary needs when I googled them and faced the facts of why it makes sense that i'm stressed about these things - they are needs. Back to an important need - the need to feel RESPECTED. Now, it makes sense why I get so stressed being IGNORED by some people - usually higher in authority at work. It's so rude to ignore anyone. To treat them like they don't exist. It's a human need to feel at least accepted. Now, it makes sense to me based on what I was reading a few days ago - and it makes sense that it would bother me so much. Ignoring people - something I've never done and it's a HORRIBLE thing to do - to ANYONE no matter if they are a cleaning lady or custodian. I am saying, all because someone may not be a manager or principal or something - does NOT mean they should be ignored. That's a horrible thing managers can do. And I think it's such a disgrace that they don't even realize it since they are not in those lower positions. whatever, i'm allowed to feel what I feel.

 

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/09/2016:
Wow ... don't know what to say after all that. It is very important to live in the present nothing you can change in the past and the future is unknown. The only thing we can do anything about is right now. That is how I live my life and it does take a lot of stress away. Have a great weekend and good luck with the dress.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2016:
yeah, sometimes stressing over the future gets...really stressful..


Awesome50 on 01/09/2016:
You wanting to look great for the wedding is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your personal best especially when you have worked so hard to get to where you want to be. I hope the dress hunting with your mom goes well.

I think the secondary needs that you have identified are important as well. We all want those things and some times it can feel sad when we are missing these things in our lives. Hang in there ... Surround yourself with as many positive things as you can and enjoy them in the moment.

I agree ... you can feel what you want to feel. Thanks goodness people "feel" or the world would be an even more cold place than it can be at times. Feel good about yourself though ... Because YOU matter.

Enjoy your weekend!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2016:
thanks for acknowledging my thoughts and also for reminding me to feel good about myself :) bless you!


grannyannie on 01/09/2016:
Hang in there HOP. Things will improve, just try to be positive. Hugs.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2016:
Thanks GA. you are right. I tend to have high high's and low low's. not diagnosed with anything...just I get that way. luckily, the lows pass quickly these days.

I'm almost out of my funk about the guy, i'm lucky nothing crazy really went on between me & him. Like real intimacy. thankfully, it'll be a bit easier to get over despite the fact we stayed in touch - every day - at the end.


puddles on 01/10/2016:
Congrats on the 118

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2016:
Thanks Puddy. now to maintain :) and continue my good fortune. it's not easy, but going to be sooo worth it.


Donkey on 01/10/2016:
I can so relate to the part about wanting more things in your life -- or an adjustment to your life balance, it sounds -- but having NO TIME to fit in anything else at the moment. It can be an uncomfortable feeling.

Things being out of balance - Maybe that's where the difficulty in sleeping is coming from?

I also hear you about the lack of respect or acknowledgment from others. From lawyers to a toxic grandmother, I've been down that path. Then I realized that I was searching for validation from others that I was never going to get, so I might as well work on validating and respecting myself.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2016:
yes, that is definitely where my difficulty in sleep is coming from. also from caffeine that I drink after work, before my workouts.

it's helping my workouts, that's why I have the caffeine but I may have to stop with it or have less. it's not healthy that my sleep is down in the dumps. it's making it very hard for me to manage.

yes, similar to you, I have also had trouble validating my own respect for myself since others (like even my mom) do not always show it to me. it's something I still struggle with.


Donkey on 01/10/2016:
PS Not saying that's where you're at. I guess I'm just trying to be insightful, somehow...



Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jan 08, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Feeling a bit better this morning compared to yesterday's emotional rollercoaster. it helps to not have any sedative sleeping pills in my system.  But I do need to forget how tired I actually am still.  I'm forgetting about it.  the more I hound on it, the worse it's going to feel. so moving on!........

I am challenging myself to regrouping and finishing this week off in a POSITIVE note. I can't change how Thursday went, but I can decide to make today a good day. So that's what I am focused on. that & doing my work at work.

before dinner 1220

dinner - let emotions sorta take over. 900 cal.

total cal today - around 2120, ok.

 

7day average is good - 1825/day

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/08/2016:
Hope you continue to feel better. Have a great weekend.


puddles on 01/08/2016:
Glad to hear you are feeling better. A new day is always a great place to set a new plan for the future. Enjoy.


Awesome50 on 01/08/2016:
Hope you continue to feel better. Enjoy your weekend!



Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jan 07, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1775-6day total - very good. ok...I was off by 70 calories after checking this with my paper at my desk lol Friday morning......so...6 day average is: 1785/day

8pm last edit -

Calories thru morning:

500? I forgot - will have to double check tomorrow.  breakfast was small banana 100, Quest bar 200 and decaf coffee with milk 50, later a snack of a granola bar 150

Lunch: 1/2 avocado sorta small 150, lots of cooked greens 150, veggie burger very small 80 - total here only around 400 - excellent!

calories before gym: large apple 100 and bar and energy drink half of it 150 total 250

calories after gym: higher sugar Cliff Bar flavor was white chocolate macadamia around 250

total today I think: 1400 I think. at least calories were fantastic.

exercise at gym was also very STRONG considering how tired I did feel all day. no more sleeping pills for awhile.

_________________________________________________________________

12:35pm edit:

I do realize that a lack of sleep is the most of my problems right now. and lack of sleep is causing me most of my grief I think.

10:30am Work:

Still feeling really bad.  I had taken a sleeping pill last night which obviously didn't help me out to feel well...anyways, i'm fully exhausted and realize that this weekend needs to be extremely low key.

I just feel like all my Sh*t is hitting the fan right now.  I know I am going to lift out of this, but need to do it sooner.

The real thing that's going on is that i'm not sleeping well - and haven't for around 2 weeks. so since my sleep is off, my mind, body, and overall mental / emotional well-being is being knocked wayyyy offff keel. It's not a good feeling right now - to be chronically drained over a period of several days now / couple weeks now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

6am Morning:

I have not had enough alone time for my personal well-being since last week. I am feeling emotionally & physically exhausted. No chance to get extra sleep. Too busy. Too much phone time with my best friend who is still abusing the situation of using me as her therapist. I thought she had one - but still NO. so dumb. I cannot take everyone's stresses right now. I have enough of my own to deal with.

Man problems right now. Things are awkward and slightly disappointing. oh well.

I don't even want to have lunch with my coworker. I need to be alone today. I need to feel alone without coworkers and everyone nagging me. But I cannot be alone. I have to function as normal and make it thru my workout tonight.

You bet I plan on a great workout. I need it in order to feel better. I feel so horrible overall - horrible emotionally really. not a physical sickness. I have never felt so beat up over relationships.

plus, last night I worked 15min late - was held up for NO good reason but I actually had to stay - i was pissed - when my goal was to leave exactly on time because I was visiting someone after work. I still can't believe that I left late. WTH.

It's like my personal life has been on hold since I started this job almost 5 years ago.

It's like I cannot live my own life. Damn it's annoying!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 01/07/2016:
I understand your wanting alone time. I think everone wants some measure of it. It kind of swings like a pendulum. I rest for a while on one side, and then Kick Ass on the other side. It kind of makes me feel balanced. Have a Great KickAss day, HP.


cybermom4 on 01/07/2016:
I hope you get the alone time you need. I know I get very 'edgy' when I feel 'crowded inn'. Like OR said - Kick Ass at your work out!


puddles on 01/07/2016:
It is nice to be able to help out friends but sometimes it really pulls us down. Take care of yourself first. Have a great day.


grannyannie on 01/07/2016:
I hope things lighten up for you soon! Alone time is mandatory!


H82BFat on 01/07/2016:
Sorry to read that you are so stressed out!! I know from experience that it gets tiresome being the "go to" person for everyone around you, especially when you find yourself in need of a "go to" person, only to realize that you have none! My therapist once told me: "Everyone has baggage & some people like to carry their baggage with them everywhere they go. And sometimes someone will want to share their baggage with you, setting it down right next to you. BUT... that does NOT mean that you have to pick it up & carry it for them! Hope your "man" problems clear up for a while at least... I'd say forever, but if there's a man in your life, there's generally some kinda problem!! ;)


biscottibody59 on 01/07/2016:
Hope things begin to improve there--stick to your guns!


Awesome50 on 01/07/2016:
Hope you start sleeping better soon. Lack of sleep just seems to make everything more difficult to manage as a person is drained right from the start. Make some time for you!



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