- Saturday Mar 04, 2017
I was dying to get under 300 and I did. I got to 297. And the strangest thing happened. Instead of being happy I got really sad. I know to the date the last time I weighed 297 and I remember feeling so horrified that was my weight when I reached 297. I can remember the shock and horror of stepping on the scale. That was my heaviest in my life. I put it to the back if my mind, didn't deal with it and ended up at 316- that was the point I started trying to turn it around.
Seeing 297 on the scale again...that same wave of negative emotion just came over me. That feeling of disappointment. I should be celebrating that I made it, because it represents a loss this time...but what's to celebrate? I've struggled to this point and I've got a mountain in front of me. I actually feel quite overwhelmed
So I Thought forget it because this is all too hard. And I went right back to my comfort zone of bad habits. I ate mountains of food until I had a stomach ache and I stayed at home all day self pitying and berating myself for being so weak. You know, at my time of low, there was my housemate, smiling. My housemate got cooking and took great pleasure in me eating all of her home cooked food. Big portions of unhealthy food. Fried breakfast, huge lunch and massive dinner plus dessert and home made cookies for snacks later. I spent the last couple of months saying "no thanks" and things have been so awkward. But when I accepted her food, the atmosphere changed and we became friends again and it was soooo much easier.
Then I thought about this place. And all the words of encouragement. That you all have just been propping me up when I'm on the verge of giving up. I know I'm not here daily and I read posts and don't reply but I am grateful for everything. I thought about what I want. About the joy I'll feel when I see numbers I can be proud if on the scale and the achievement that I did it. I thought about my health. I thought about the person I want to be. I thought about the fact that I never wanna see 300+ again. I got in my car and drove off, just to get my head together a bit. Pulled over, I don't even know where I'm heading.
I feel so discouraged but I know that I need to face forward not backwards and be strong. The mental battle seems to be harder than the diet/exercise.
I hope this discouragement passes and I start to feel better. I know I've got a long way to go, I hope I can get there
Progress as of today: 19 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
- Tuesday Feb 21, 2017
Weight has fluctuated a but I'm back moving in the right direction. Time of the month came and my hormones had me eating everything in sight! Lol! Also broke up with my fiancé, had both parents in hospital, fell ill myself, lots of work stress and I just totally lost my routine.
Thankfully made it up with my fiancé, we are back together but wedding is on hold. Parents are getting better, Mum is home, Dad should get discharged this week, I'm feeling ok now it was just a virus, I've put in lots of extra hours at work and the pressure should start easing off soon. I'm job hunting and I've had a couple of interesting opportunities come up but I'm really not sure. more money but more hours and a longer commute. Is it really worth it? I'm really debating it. I hate where I work now but it might be too big a sacrifice moving jobs as my work life balance will be affected.
The thing that's kept me going is something someone said on here about knowing your limits. I'm not as strong as I used to be and sometimes life gets on top of me. I really feel like this weight loss journey would be so much easier if my life was less of a mess!
Good news is that my housemate has started being supportive. Not massively supportive and I'm still getting some pressure to eat junk but it's not such a daily battle.
I'm desperate to get under 300. I'm at 300 now so I'm willing that scale to show me 299! Hopefully soon As
Progress as of today: 16 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
- Thursday Feb 02, 2017
I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks. Life has been really hectic. Lots of social events and I've had fun and forgot about calorie counting. To be fair, I just don't have a clue how to gauge the calories on food when it's not got packing (e.g. Restaurant food or when friends cook). I really enjoyed not being disciplined but I knew I had to get back on it. So I've tried to be good over the last few days.
I was dreading getting on the scale this morning. Was expecting a gain of 2-3lbs. But I was shocked to see a loss of 2lbs. Maybe I wasn't as naughty as I thought I'd been.
So carrying on... going to do my best.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
- Thursday Jan 19, 2017
I've had the house to myself this week and it's been bliss. Having space is wonderful. Work has been stressful but I've not let the stress get to me. I'm calm and finding it easier to stick to my plan.
I turned down a job offer this week, because I knew it would make me unhappy and that old habits would kick in. I felt so empowered actually saying "no thanks". I keep thinking about knowing my limits and not putting myself through undue stress. I felt so good making that decision and just being kinder to myself.
I was feeling really run down and unwell this morning. Was tempted to call in sick and stay in bed. But I had a quick weigh in and found I'd lost 2lbs and I was really happy with that. It motivated me to get moving and I had a really productive day at work and at home.
Went shopping and I discovered bare naked noodles and they are fantastic. Taste a bit chewy and not quite like noodles but at 8 calories per 100g they really are worth it. Highlight of my day lol!
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
- Sunday Jan 15, 2017
It's late so I'll make it quick.
I started this thinking it was just about food and exercise but I've really found there's a strong emotional component to it too. Where my mind is at really affects my choices. I'm starting to feel like it's just as important to try and attain a healthy mind, as well as a healthy body.
The messages on here have made me feel so supported and I think I need to try and build supports into my life because it gets so exhausting doing this on my own. I'll have to think about it more.
It was a bad week but one more pound off.
A new week is beginning, chance for a fresh start.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
- Thursday Jan 12, 2017
I had a couple of high stress days and I completely fell off the wagon
By Wednesday dinner time I was at 10/10 on the stress scale. It was coming at me in all directions and the last thing I needed was a lousy diet chef microwave meal. I felt like I needed real food to help me think and get my head together. I've felt so tired and drained so far and I wanted food that I liked and an energy boost. I suppose I could have had a sensible dinner and counted the calories but once I got started I was like a monster in that kitchen. I devoured every food that I've been missing over the last few weeks.
Today started with intentions to start anew. But the problems I had were still there and depression kicked in. I didn't go to work and while I tried to stick to the plan, I didn't. I sat thinking about the issues and as I was mulling over things, I ate. Who knows how much or what I had today.
I thought, worried, stressed, felt down, ate and napped today. I just can't stick with it during times of emotional lows. All discipline goes out of the window.
I will try again tomorrow. Hoping for a better day.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
- Sunday Jan 08, 2017
8lbs down. I'm pleased.
I'm getting to grips with this diet. Had my first gym session in a long time today. Feel worn out but happy and proud. It's been very difficult learning to be controlled around food. Food was my comfort in stressful times
But what do I do about unsupportive family/friends? My family that I live with have upped the ante with bringing in temptations. Take aways, fridge and cupboards full of junk, cooking my old favourite high fat meals and insisting I join them to eat these temptations. Friends who won't take no for an answer when I say I'm not drinking, who only want to go out to eat and won't meet in any other settings.
Food peer pressure is killing me. I have one family member who lives in a different town but has been really good and drove down to come to the gym with me today, taught me about cooking different vegetables etc. Another relative who lives far but phones to be encouraging.
But the people I live with, the people I work with, the people I'm friends with just are so unsupportive. I haven't got much willpower, it's hard enough.
I don't know if anyone will even read this but I'd love some feedback about how to deal with people who try and actually get you to break the diet and stick with unhealthy ways
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!