- Friday Apr 23, 2004
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I have a girl at work that helps me out. We eat lunch together and try to keep each other motivated.
Breakfast: non fat Cherry Cheesecake yogart Lunch: broiled chicken breast, egg noodles and carrots Dinner: chicken wrap (I took fat free chicken breast lunch meat, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, croutons)
I tried to do the Power 90 step 1-2 exercise tape. I really didn�t realize how bad of shape I�m in and I really have more respect for the people who do yoga. There is a small amount of power yoga included and�oh my gawd�I thought I would die. Tonight I will try the step 1-2 toning tape with the bands.
It is supposed to rain all day Saturday so it looks like a great day to catch up on house work. I am going to an Arbonne (A Swedish Skin Care Line) Party in the afternoon and then a Passion Party in the evening, which is an adult type party. I�m looking forward to that. Sunday if the grass dries out enough, I may mow and I must clean out my car.
I hope you all have a great weekend and have many successes. Jo Ann
- Thursday Apr 22, 2004
(Weight Watchers Flex Points)
Wow, I can�t believe how long it has been since I�ve written in my diary. I have been focusing my attention on other things besides me and my weight. I finally graduated the university with my bachelor�s degree so now I can�t use study and research as an excuse not to. My son also moved back to Texas to be with his dad, and he was my last excusable reason that I used to not do something.
As you can notice, I have gained instead of loose weight and I was finally �cornered� by my commander at drill who not-so-politely told me �I was shirking my military duties as an NCO, I wasn�t honoring my commitment or fulfilling my military obligations�. I couldn�t argue, all I could do was let him see it through my stand point.
I tried to explain, how humiliated I felt coming to drill knowing how I look and then expecting my soldiers to respect me and do what I told them to do. I told him I didn�t like being this way. I was talking to my therapist and I discovered it was a combination of two problems: not wanted to be deployed again (with my unit) and not being hurt in a relationship. I was deployed during the first Desert Storm and have no desire whatsoever to go back. With half of my unit already deployed, I just know that if/when I drop my tonnage (impressively large amount of weight) I�ll be on the first plane flyin� outta here. Also when I saw my ex, for the first time in six years, my heart just about jumped out of my chest. I still love him. My mom thinks I�m a nut, but I can�t help the way I feel. He remarried almost eight years ago and is happy, to say the least. I just can�t seem to get passed things.
Anyway, in spite of recent events, I have come to the conclusion (again) that I must lose weight. I have told everyone at work and I think I have their support, at least for now. I joined Weight Watchers (for the fourth time), invested in Walk Away the Pounds, Tai Bo, Beach Body 90 and Pilates tapes with high hopes of finally achieving a weight loss goal.
I am glad to see old names and many new ones and hope journaling will keep me motivated just as before.
- Thursday Sep 11, 2003
I sent pictures to Breakaway today. Holy cow, I always forget how bad I look in pictures. I am so fat, you are right, this is sure to motivate. Thanks for doing this.
I had a bad headache yesterday so I went home and went to sleep. The neighbor woke me up complaining about his gate. I had a new fence put up because the one there was rotting and would not stand up any longer. In the process, his gate fell off (because of rotten wood) and the installer didn't reattach it. The neighbor was complaining that the installer should have put it back up. The installer refused saying the post it was on was rotten and it wasn't their responsibility to replace rotten post, so they weren't hanging his gate back up. What a nightmare. So why is this my fault? I replaced the whole freaking fence, just fix your gate already.
I have been getting up early to fix breakfast for my son. He is stubborn and won't eat lunch at school, and if I don't fix him breakfast he won't eat until I fix dinner. I had scrambled eggs and a few pieces of bacon for breakfast. We went to an Italian restaurant for lunch (someone's birthday) and I ordered spinach, artichoke pasta with smoked chicken. It was great. I ate half and took the other home and ate after I woke up.
I thought about exercising, but because of headache and TOM, I just skipped out again. I did at least open the box and look at the product. I have motivation, especially looking at those pictures again.
I need to start on my study in depth paper, my topic is The Demise of a Nation: The Fast Food Epidemic. I was roaring to go, but like everything else, I have fallen into a funk and can't get up. I hope you all have great successes today. Jo Ann
- Wednesday Sep 10, 2003
After reading lots of diaries, I have come to the conclusion that I have used every excuse there is to NOT exercise. I currently have problems with watching reruns on television of Seinfeld and Friends. I watch them everyday for 1.5 hours and I have usually seen them all at least once, but I can�t make myself get my ass off the couch and exercise. I will try harder, and just not turn on the television when I get home from work.
I had drill this past weekend and I have that monthly reminder of how much weight I�ve put on when I see all the fit and trim soldiers all around me, but it doesn�t help much, because they have put up with it for so long.
I suffered the past week riding with my son while he practiced driving. Oh my gawd, what a hair raising experience, I swear I�ve aged ten years in less than 7 days. He did pass his driving exam and is a licensed driver. How scary is that?
I will try and use all the equipment, taking up space in my garage, maybe if I get the exercise started, the eating right will just kick in and begin.
�Some people dream of success�while others wake up and work hard at it!� OK I think I�m finally ready to work hard at it.
- Thursday Sep 04, 2003
Hey all, fighting my own little war again. My son tells me to get out and meet new people. Yeah right! Bless his heart, he tries to motivate me. Tomorrow he goes to take his driving test...I really am scared for him to drive. I can't let go, he will always be my baby.
I will do WATP tonight, I still haven't been able to conquer the ellypical trainer yet, it kills my thighs, which is probably a good thing, but I can't stay on there to long. I was stupid and ordered Power90, I am going to start those exercise tapes whenever they arrive. I've heard mixed comments about it.
I just wish I would get over this thing I have with people...I didn't realize how bad it was until I went to a car dealership with my son to look at cars. Have you ever noticed how the salesmen just houver, even when you tell them you are 'just looking', no, I don't want to carry on conversation with you and it's none of your business what I do. I know they have a job...but pleeaaase just give me some breathing room.
Hope you all have continued success. Oh, Scruff I love your idea, I read so many diaries and never leave a message, sometimes because I don't really have time and others because I really don't have anything to add. Jo Ann
- Monday Aug 11, 2003
I watched a movie last night and laughed out loud at a solution someone came up with to lose weight. Are you ready for this? We all need to hire a �food slapper�. That is hire someone to follow us around everywhere we go and just be there to slap the food right out of our hand, right before we put it in our mouth. It was comedic, but I guess it would work, I could just see myself sneaking into the bathroom just to eat something good.
I went out and bought me an elliptical trainer�it is much harder than I thought. I was huffing and puffing after three minutes. It is out in the garage with the rest of the equipment I have accumulated. I have three machines, that don�t belong to me, that are just stored there. A health rider, Body by Jake hip and thigh machine and ab machine (those I can�t figure out how to use or I would) a Nordic track, crossbow, an old treadmill (that works) and now my elliptical trainer. You would think I would gather up enough initiative to get off my butt and use them. I just need to install mirrors on the garage walls and start my own gym.
Sunday was the last day for one of the guys at drill. He is moving to Minnesota so we decided to take him to lunch. Everyone decided on Zio�s an Italian joint. I decided not to go, just because I didn�t want to challenge myself and get fattening stuff and binge on the delicious, hot, fresh bread they serve in massive quantities. I felt bad afterwards for not going and wishing the guy good luck. I�m sure I�ll get over it in time, he was a good soldier.
My eating was good and I drank more water than usual, I can still increase that. I hope you all have a great day and continued success. Jo Ann
- Friday Aug 08, 2003
Wow, I can�t believe I haven�t posted in so long. There are tons of new people here, who I don�t recognize. I have been busy in summer school and reading so much; I didn�t have time for myself to even think. My son also returned in June and the last week I have been running around trying to get him enrolled in school. He just finished a driver�s education class and wants to get a car. Great, I�m going to enjoy that, dealing and haggling with used car salesmen has always been on my �to do list� � (implied with sarcasm).
I had to take a physical last weekend and was rudely confronted by a nurse, which I tell myself after the fact, will probably help me in the long run, but during, I was pretty agitated.
Anyway, it was a military event and everything is supposed to be so organized, and I have to say this was. We had different stations to go to, to get checked out: Station 1: fill out paperwork, medical history and any reason why you saw a doctor in the last five years. Station 2: height, weight, blood pressure. Well I had my height and weight measured. OK, its no secret that I�m overweight, that is something you just can�t hide. When I sat down to have my blood pressure taken the nurse said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, �OH yeah, your blood pressure is going to by high, because you are a little overweight.� At first I took this in jest and said, �a lot overweight� and she replied, �well, I was just trying to be polite��whatever. Anyway, my blood pressure was 140-94, which she said was high, so she took it in my other arm, which was 138-92. She told me she couldn�t clear me until the bottom number (I forgot what she called it) was under 90. She told me to go to station 3 and then come back and recheck my blood pressure. Station 3: labs � urine & blood � while I was sitting there waiting, I wondered about the blood pressure incident. How worried should I be and all that. Station 2: The same nurse instructs me to lie down on a bed for a few minutes and think of relaxing things. She starts in with a story about a very obese man who comes in and she just knows that his blood pressure will be high. She takes it and it was within normal limits. She said his cholesterol was only 128. Anyway, after she was finished I asked her if I should be concerned about my blood pressure and if I should consult my primary care physician and get on medication. She then rudely replied�lose weight. I again asked, well if it�s high shouldn�t I see my physician? She said, all you need is diet and exercise and lose weight. Then I was agitated and said, well, that�s not going to happen overnight, do I need to do something in the mean time. She got huffy and said, NO, to just lose weight. Anyway, this went on for a few minutes and continued to get louder, until someone came in to see what the trouble was. OK, I say again, it is no secret I�m overweight, but I was alarmed at the blood pressure thing and don�t want to be having a stroke in the near future. Station 4: vision check Station 5: hearing Station 6: dental Station 7: physical exam � PAP/breast exam (which is never pleasant) Station 8: counseling � drug/alcohol use, safe sex, cigarette smoking, diet/exercise, weight control, HIV and that type of stuff Station 9: civilian doctor Station 10: army doctor
Anyway because of all that, I got back on a diet/lifestyle change kick and want to lose weight and I always got encouragement and motivation from my friends from the DD pages and hope you all welcome me back. I have drill tomorrow and will officially start my �diet� on Sunday. I have to get mentally prepared and just know that this will happen starting Sunday. So on August 10, 2003, I will again start a diet and exercise routine and I will be accountable for the �choices I make�. I�m looking forward to posting regularly again.
Success does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, �I will try again tomorrow�.
Do you best...Jo Ann
- Thursday Apr 24, 2003
I have been busy cramming for a physics test. I will never understand somethings. Physics is one of them. So I just crammed long enough to remember and then spit it out on the test and then, its gone, just like it was never there to begin with.
I was disppointed with my weigh in at weight watchers. She told me not to be discouraged since I had started working out. Yeah, that's easy to say. I finally called my insurance company and got authorization to see a therapist. I really have people/crowd issues not to mention all the self esteem ones. I figure I pay for it, I may as well use it, besides there's no investment like a personal one.
I was supposed to make up the drill I missed at the beginning of the month today & tomorrow, however I just couldn't go today. I tried on my uniform and amazingly it fits better, but it is still to tight. So I am now convinced that exercise works. Sometimes you just have to see actual proof.
I found this great aerobics video, that is the funnest thing I'v ever done it incorporates line dancing and country steps in a great aerobic exercise. I really love it and look forward to doing it.
I hope you all have continued success. Jo Ann
- Wednesday Apr 16, 2003
Wow, you miss a few days and miss a bunch. Welcome to all the new people.
Spent almost 2 1/2 hours at the dentist office, which resulted in an attitude on my part. They asked me to fill out a questionnaire, not the best thing to ask when you make patients wait for 40 minutes. It ask me what they could do to make my visit more pleasant...uhh cut the wait time in half would be a start. The first thing they ask me for when I arrived was my insurance card...sure...I don't have any pain today and yes, I'm fine and yourself? Ok I would appreciate if you treated the patient and not my insurance. And then I learn I might have to get a root canal, but the doctor did say that was the worst case scenario...maybe she watches too much reality TV.
I have been eating so much better...portion control is a God send. I have learned to ask for a to go box and immediately put half of my order in it, eat what's left and take the rest home for another meal. I have learned that one bowl of Fruit Loops can satisfy my craving instead of two or three. I have learned that during exercise the pain is awful, but the feel of satisfaction of actually doing it is amazing. I'm sure there are other things I will learn as I go, but these have made the most impact on me.
Last night was the first night I missed exercising...I struggled with myself, but I know my body was screaming for a break and I'm anxious to pick up where I left off tonight.
I hope everyone has continued success. Jo Ann
- Monday Apr 14, 2003
Sunday marked an entire week of doing some sort of exercise daily. I thought it would get easier, but I thought I was going to die walking in the park. My girlfriend talked the entire way, which is good, because I could only make short grunting sounds to let her know I was still listening. My legs and back were killing me. A bit of inspiration we passed an older gentlement walking the opposite direction and he waved and said hello, and told us to keep on going...on the way back we passed him again and he said that we did a good job and should walk everyday. Afterwards my girlfriend asked me if I noticed that he was holding his right arm. I said NO because I didn't. She told me that the man had a stroke a few years back and it was amazing that this older gentleman was trying to motivate two younger women.
Worked in the yard Saturday and that is my least favorite thing to do. If I had it my way I would spray RoundUp over my entire yard and let the weeds just swivel up and die. Afterwards I did the WATP 3 mile tape and played cards.
Note to self: Do not pee in a toilet that has bleech in it! Things like this you just don't think about until it actually happens, but after getting choked up by the fumes, I recovered and felt pretty stupid and would only tell people who don't know me from a stranger on the street.
I have a dental appointment today and then school...it will be a late night because there is no way I'm going to stop exercising now. I hope you all have a great week. Jo Ann