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InnerPeace - Thursday Jan 02, 2014
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 293.6

Happy New Year to everyone!

I received a new puppy for Christmas, must say I was really surpised was not expecting it...I am a cat person. Little 3 month old toy fox terrier puppy I call him Steve, very cute and I miss him today. First day in over a week that I have been away from him.

Christmas was okay, BF's daughter was over and I can abmit we spent way too much money on her, I just wanted her to have a good Christmas, because I know her life at her mother's mixed home is not something that is overly joyful. I wanted it to be great for her....but she just seems so emotionless. She told her dad it was because she was up so early. I didn't think 7:00 am. was very early, she had to be back to her mom's by 10:00.  After Christmas she spent the last weekend with us and I can say...OMG I know now why I only had one child of my own. WOW incredibly tired between the dear sweet STBSD (Soon to be step daughter) and the new puppy I was on my very last nerve.

New Year's day

B:  I had a Blueberry bagel with cream cheese, Iced coffee

L: 1/2 turkey pastrami sandwhich

S: 6 golden oreos (Last of these, I won't buy anymore.)

D: 8 ounces of blackened salmon and 2 cups of broccoli

I didn't drink any water (will work on thsi) I drank iced tea and diet dr. pepper.

E: Shoveled snow off the driveway and sidewalks, walked up and down the stairs washing and putting away laundry.

Today 1/2/14 - was very hard to get up to come back to work after a week off. It has been snowing non stop and I keep hoping they will close the campus so I can go home and see my puppy:

B: Blueberry bagel with cream cheese, Ice cofee with 2% milk

L: yogurt, banana, 15 almonds

S: honey mustard pretzels

D: some kind of chicken - I usually do not cook dinner, but I saw chicken in the sink to thaw out.

I will have to shovel snow again tonight, not my favorite thing to do, but it is a work out. That little girl comes over tonight, she is such a handful at times. Tomorrow I will drink more water and figure out my calorie totals.

This year will be a great year with new adventures and happiness. I have a great sun dress that I would like to be able to wear.




Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2014:
the salmon and broccoli sounds AMAZING! love seeing more people on here eating RIGHT! eating good! i am a true fruit & especially VEGGIES lover! I just can't get enough veggies. congrats on the puppy, steve.

InnerPeace - Friday Dec 20, 2013
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 293.6

Not sure how much I weight. I haven't been on the scale.  I know I am the biggest I have ever been in my life and I am extremely uncomfortable. In the last 12 months, I have sold my house, quit my job, moved, got another job, bought another house and trying to live a life that is a total 180 degrees from the one I was living before.

My son joined the air force and is stationed in Korea, he has been married and divorced and is currently dating a girl from India. I miss him terribly. Since I moved, I miss my mother a great deal.

I am living with my boyfriend, who I met in 1986 at my first duty station at Fort Lewis, Washington...the same place my son was born. I am also helping him with is nine year old daughter. We are all over weight. I used to think that all I needed was someone to love me for who I am. OK I did that. Now I have a great job, a beautiful home and I man who loves me more than life itself. But I still have this unbearable weight on me.

My BF is an enabler. I say I want ice cream, he leaves and goes gets it. I say I want chocolate, he asks how much, what kind. I have told him over and over, I want to lose weight, thank you for loving me and making me happy right now, but I want to be around for along time and we need to change our eating habits. He agrees, but we never do anything about it.

Now my bones ache from carrying too much weight, I can't clip my toe nails and this as driven me to the extreme pleasure of a pedicure...but still not helping with the weight. Right now this is all I think about, this is all I want to do. I just read my entire journal (I've been a member since 2001) don't you know if I would have ever stuck to any plan I started I would not be here today.

I know I did not gain this weight over night and it will not disappear over night, I just need to do something about it. My BF has type 2 diabetes so that is a factor and he seems to be supportive at this point, I will actually see how supportive when we start. Our start ay is 12/26/13, I am just getting mentally prepared. A girl at work is vegan and gluton free, I wonder what she eats all the time?

I have been paying WW membership with a discount (a perk from work) but I haven't gone back since the first weigh-in. I'm paranoid. I'll hopfully figure this all out. It's been a crazy year.



Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 12/20/2013:
Just the fact that you are here and put all of that in writing is a good start. It sounds like you have so much going for you . You & your bf both definitely need to be on the same page in order for this to work.

InnerPeace - Monday Jan 14, 2013
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 293.6

So I finally broke down and called the real estate man, I already forgot his name. I am meeting with him Thursday after work to talk about getting a for sale sign in the yard. I am very nervous about this. I have never sold a house before. I spend a lot of time watching home buying shows and I think I made myself paranoid. And then there are already two other houses for sale on the same block, so that is very discouraging. One has been for sale for about 3 months and the other one just went up for sale last week. I do know it is not a sellers market but I need to either move closer to my job (35 miles one way - about 40 minutes) or get to Ohio, decisions decisions decisions and I always seem to make the wrong ones.

I am addicted to the International House iced french vanilla coffee - that is mixed with milk. I have to drink one on work days...no I don't have to, but I love it.

Breakfast - IH french vanilla iced coffee and a banana

Lunch - Greek yogart, 100 calorie pack of almonds and two clementines

Dinner - Lean quisine salisbury steak with macaroni and cheese and two clemenentine (I have to eat these before they go bad).

The weekend was too messed up to even mention which involved breakfast at Denny's and McDonalds for dinner on Sunday and I didn't get a salad, I am really going to work on this food issue.

Have a great day!

Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 127.6 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/14/2013:
I had Mc'd's food for lunch today, so you are not by yourself. :-)

OhioRaven on 01/14/2013:
Don't give up. You know what to do. Good luck on your moving decision.

mylilsista on 01/15/2013:
OhioRaven is right, do NOT give up! I started at 339 lbs, years ago and am currently at 195 (only 25 lbs from goal weight). I cannot tell you how many times I began losing weight but deviated from my plan & felt so guilty about it that I gave up & resorted back to my old eating habits. I had to learn that my goal was "progress" not "perfection". Congrats on the 0.4 lb loss!

mskitty on 01/21/2013:
Hope to see you update soon, its better to step back and look at the "bad days" from a different perspective. I tend to blow the mess-ups way out of proportion and jumping into the habit of beating myself up if my day/weekend/week doesn't go according to plan- didn't/doesn't serve me. When I feel it coming on I really try to forgive myself... since it was the beating up on myself that put me in a place where I felt defeated and just wanted to eat-eat-eat. Forgiving myself is harder then any diet I have ever been on but something I think every goal/diet needs for success.

InnerPeace - Friday Jan 11, 2013
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 293.6

Suffered from an awful migraine yesterday. I usually keep pretty good control over them but this one got away from me!

I am having crazy dreams of late. Last night I was running in and out doors, floating on a barge and chasing after Nicolas Cage. I just spent the day watching home buying/selling shows and cooking competition shows so who knows where my dreams come from.

I only ate spaghetti yesterday thinking my migraine would upset my stomach...it didn't.

I have plans to eat breakfast tomorrow at Denny's with friends, I'm glad they have a lite fit menu, but I really want pancakes, I guess this is where moderation comes into play.

OhioRaven: My Scott is in Elyria west of Cleveland. If my house sells I will be moving there. I have visited a lot in the last six months and think it is really beautiful. Not looking forward to the winters though.





Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 127.6 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 01/11/2013:
You're right the winters up in Cleveland are Tough. But you've got a great football fan base with the Browns. We've got to get you off the spaghetti. Try some soup :v )

supercheese on 01/11/2013:
i LOVE the dennys lite menu...where you can pick and choose how to make ur breakfast. Im a big fan! Have a good day!

IndependentEm93 on 01/11/2013:
Have a great day! Pancakes are soo good!

legcramps on 01/11/2013:
Hmmn, chasing after Nicholas Cage huh. LOL, sounds like some pretty interesting dreams you're having! Sorry to hear about your migraine, hope you're feeling better today :)

Tangalyn~ on 01/11/2013:
hehe interesting dreams :) hope u have a great day!

liza36 on 01/11/2013:
Nice going with choosing from the lite menu. Enjoy it!

Umpqua on 01/11/2013:
Welcome back and I hope you have a nice weekend!

V on 01/11/2013:
Hope that your migrane is gone..Love Nic BTW :P LOL Have an awesome weekend!

hollybelle on 01/11/2013:
Hope you feel better now. Oh, and if you catch Nicholas Cage, call me!

InnerPeace - Wednesday Jan 09, 2013
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 293.6

I dreamt of tornadoes last night. I dream of them often. I once thought that it was because I am terrifed of them after being caught in the May 1999 tornado in Oklahoma City but after doing research I found that the tornado can symbolize things like

-terrible temper

-a lot of trouble

-getting through something

-so much energy

-so stressed out

-not expecting something to be so bad

I am going through all of that right now. I am trying to have this long distance relationship and trying to sell my house and my job just sucks, and this is supposed to be a better year.

Scott just left on Sunday to go back to Ohio, I miss him already! We have this bet about who can lose the most weight before we see each other again, not anytime soon yet! :(

I didn't eat bad until I got home after the second job and then I ate the corn chips that was left over from the National Champtionship game, I told everyone to take the food they brought, I guess these were forgotten. I had plans to get up this morning and walk, but couldn't make it. I will try again tomorrow. I keep thinking today is Thursday...darn it's not.

Totally off topic - today driving to work I saw an older model cadillac or big long car with 'curb feelers', so my question is do or did those work in someway? Or are they just for decorative purposes?

Have a great day!



Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 127.6 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 01/09/2013:
Don't give up, Peace. Everybody's life is a little messed up. What part of Ohio is Scott in ?

IndependentEm93 on 01/09/2013:
Hope the stress will leave you soon!

InnerPeace - Tuesday Jan 08, 2013
(Low Calorie Low Fat)
Weight: 294.0

I haven't been on Diet Diaries for a really long time er five years....I'm surprised I remember my password. I have also picked up about 20 pounds during the last six months. From one miserable job to another. Losing good friends and finding new. Lots of changes coming up in the new year, I just hope I can make one of them concentrating on my health and weight.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 128 lbs to go!

IndependentEm93 on 01/08/2013:
Welcome back!

V on 01/08/2013:
Welcome back! I wish you lots of success in your journey :)

OhioRaven on 01/08/2013:
Hi, Peace. Good to meet you.

nunnermack on 01/08/2013:
Welcome back!!!

legcramps on 01/09/2013:
Welcome back and it sounds like you've been through a lot. Fresh start!

InnerPeace - Wednesday Jan 14, 2009
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 258.0

So I'm thinking this will be a good year. Na uh, not yet anyway. I can't seem to find motivation to stick to anykind of program. I did renew a gym membership I haven't used in two years...one day I keep telling myself. I walk at lunch time with a friend at work, it is more like a walk and woe session. We usually **** about something or other while walking.

Had a call from the police deparment on Sunday telling me my step-dad's brother passed away. They asked how do you know Jerry, I say he is my step-dad's brother. Is there a problem, well he passed away and they were trying to find his next of kin. Well alrighty then, that isn't me, I gave them the information they needed and then sat and felt really really sad. I then wondered if I should call the people first, but no, I let the police do their job. That would be an awful job to have.

And then my mom calls and tells me she is driving to Ada, about 80 miles away, to check on her sister, who is living in a nursing home. She isn't eating and probably won't have long to live. I really hate getting old and seeing all your relatives get sick and pass away. It is sad.

I packed my lunch and was good today, but have you ever tried eating yogart with a fork? Very challenging, but I did it.  I hope everyone has a great day.


Progress as of today: 23 lbs lost so far, only 92 lbs to go!

Maria* on 01/14/2009:
I hope things get better for you. My Mom is currently in a nursing home. My Hubby's Mom passed eariler this year, followed by my step-Dad, our Brother in law, also Hubby's brother and 5 of our very close-by neighbors... all this year.

Take good care of yourself.

thinnside40 on 01/14/2009:
SOrry to hear of the family death and health issues.... Getting older isn't the greatest of all things, but I guess those before us did the same thing in wishing death/sickness/etc wouldn't have to be experienced in their lifetime... I don't feel @ 40 that I should be dealing with a 67 yr old mom with memory troubles and a 72 yr old dad that has survived many death causing issues, but remains alive.... He always says "when it's my time it's my time, but not until then".. I didn't figure that would come til I was at least 50's.....

Good that you have come back to maybe find something to get you going again and stick around...

InnerPeace - Monday Jan 05, 2009
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 259.8

Weigh in night  tonight. I didn't do program, but hopefully lost some of the 3.8 pounds I packed on, because I was more active.I figure my face break out and that obscene gain was because TOM was scheduled. It doesn't come anymore because I had the uterine ablasion procedure done, which was a Godsend, so hopefully that is what that episode was all about.

Saturday was a great day, mid 70's awesome walk day, but 24 hours later you need a parka, gloves and boots to go out side it was 22 degrees all day. The change is Oklahoma weather is 180.

I was looking for the DDR game but couldn't find it, my son is like go buy another one, NO, I'm saving money i want to find the one I had, then he says, there's a treadmill in the garage. Yeah, but I didn't want to use that. I guess I'll have to change my mental attitude.

Today someone came and refinished my office door, behind my door is a coat rack, someone came in and pushed the door to the coat rack and I asked sarcastically, 'did you ruin my coat?" (it's not my coat - I was trying to be funny but I guess that boomeranged) The person looked at the coat to make sure no varnish was on it and then replied..."This doesn't look big enough to be your coat." I kinda laughed but now I'm thinking that is awful, how rude, but I guess if the shoe fits.

Since there is no tomorrow on my calendar, January 6, 2008 I will start and stay on program. My goal I filled out was to wear my size 18 jean shorts, that I loved so much. Right now, I would love to be able to wear them in the spring. I'll go from there after I reach that goal, I have so many cool clothes I can't wear.

Have a great success day. IP


Progress as of today: 21.2 lbs lost so far, only 93.8 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 01/05/2009:
That IS rude!.... Not sure how I would of handled that myself.... Gives you that much more gumption to "prove" to yourself first and then to others that you ARE strong enough to accomplish anything you set your mind & hear to.... Best of wishes in "gettin' 'er done"

skinnyjeans on 01/06/2009:
What an awful person! I was at work one day a few months ago, and was about to leave when this guy yelled across the bar "wait! I want to give you a tip before you go! I like fat girls!" Isn't that horrible? Everyone in the bar was so appalled he said that to me that they made him fork over a $20 bill for my tip, even though I had only served him 1 beer. Ha.

InnerPeace - Friday Jan 02, 2009
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 259.8

After much badgering I finally did go out on New Year's Eve to a friend's house, only to meet up with a co-worker I had back in 2005. We were layed off in December 2005 and I hadn't seen her since. It was a pleasant suprise to see my friend's friends had friends that I knew. What a small world. We played cards and dominos and rang in the new year with some sparkling wine, I think. Not to sure, I just know I drank something bubbly.

New Year's Day I was content to sit in the recliner and watch the entire season of the last Biggest Loser. How motivating was it...not very. Like I said I was sitting there thinking sure, I'll get up and do something soon, thank goodness my friend called and said, hey lets go walk. I did. We ended up walking almost 4 miles. It wasn't the volksmarch I was planning on doing, but when you stay up most of the night it is very hard to get up and get to the registration table before they close. Oh well, there will be others. I also was channel surfing and found another televised weight lose struggle, that is Ruby. I watched her whine and complain about how hard it is to lose weight, bless her heart. Keep on trying honey, we all seem to be in the same boat.

Pretty hyped about this coming year, I'm only thinking of good things. I did make a resolution though...stay out of restaurants. I'm a good cook and there is always food in my house, but I always manage a good excuse to go OUT and eat, no more that this year.

Here's to a very fine 2009. IP

Progress as of today: 21.2 lbs lost so far, only 93.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/03/2009:
glad to hear you enjoyed your New Years! :)

balloonlady on 01/03/2009:
Looks like you got a great outlook for this years.... The restaurant thing is always a downfall... mine even worse we are restarunt entertainers so we eat FREE at alot of local places.... It was hard to get out of that habit... my husband still eats out everyday for all his meals... not a fan of my new way of cooking or eating... He is 6"1 and weighs in at a whopping 180 ( yes it is ok to hate him) he eats a large pizza almost daily.... Glad to see a fellow Oklahoman... Keep up the good work!!!

InnerPeace - Tuesday Dec 30, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 259.8

Weigh in last night was atrocious, but I knew it would be. Usually the check in lady, Kathy, usually says something like, ‘you picked up a few’ or ‘you dropped a couple’ that would discourage me so I asked her to quit telling me, I wanted to look for myself. So then if it was “dropped a couple” she would hand me my log book open, if it was “picked up a few” she would close it and hand it back to me. So I would know without really knowing and look at it at my leisure. Last week I didn’t go, so I told her straight up, I just wanted to weigh and get it over with because I knew I had gained. I was contemplating going home and changing into some lighter clothes. She says, ‘oh it isn’t that bad, you’ll be surprised.” With that I’m thinking, yay!, I only gained a point something or other, that  was wishful thinking, packed on 3.8 pounds. YIKES! I don’t even remember anything I ate being that good. Oh well, I didn’t restrain myself.

Today I had to go to suicide prevention/recognition training. Now, I haven’t ever felt suicidal and I would entertain thoughts of killing others before myself but going to that training sure opened my eyes. I think I possess more than half of the risk factors to look for: among others there were poor self control, hopelessness, recent loss (loved one, job, relationship), history of abuse, feeling trapped, withdrawing from family, friends and society, anxiety, agitation, dramatic changes in mood, no sense of purpose in life, difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time and increase or decrease in spirituality. I think I have expressed each one of those over the past six months, yes I see a therapist; we are working on my issues.
But because of the holidays and the death of my step-father last year, I was angry with God and felt he was just made up so people would have someone to blame when they were angry and had to deal with death so I started looking for a regular church to attend thus the increase in my spirituality. This journey took me on an unbelievable quest. I can’t tell you how many different churches I attended, each one doing something or saying something I didn’t quite get or they would do some weird rite that would make me really uncomfortable. Finally I found one that I liked and have been attending since which is the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. I invited my son to go to Christmas Eve candlelight service at 7:00 pm, he said he would but reiterated that fact that he did not believe in God and that he was just going for my benefit. Then my boss invited me to his church which is First United Methodist, to their candlelight service at 11:00 pm because he was performing a solo so I invited my son to that one as well, again with reluctance he goes.
So we’re at my church and everything is going ok until the pastor speaks a line and then the congregation answered, my son freaked out. He said afterwards we sounded like a cult and he didn’t get religion. So then his questions start, and I have no clue how to answer them. If God created Adam and Eve, did they come before or after the dinosaurs? And when there were dinosaurs weren’t there cavemen? Who created the cavemen? What hasn’t God spoken to anyone in over 2000 years? Where are the angles? And when was the last time I saw an angel? If there is a God then why is there cancer, why does he let his people suffer? Then he starts telling me it is easier for him to believe the theory of evolution than that God created the world because there were no answers to his questions. I could only tell him, I didn’t know, I just have faith that there is a God, someone bigger who gave me breath and I would rather live my life as there was a God and find out there wasn’t, than live my life like there wasn’t a God and find out there was. Though I hate the fact my son is agnostic, until he witnesses some kind of miracle I will just have to pray that he finds faith somewhere.
On a lighter note, coming back to work after the holiday there were three gifts on my desk, now I’m always up for gifts so I’m by no means complaining so I open my gifts and there are lotions, body creams, bath salts, bath oils and a candle. So I’m thinking huh, I either stink or someone is regifting because they didn’t like what they got. Anyway, I take my smellums home and use them and while looking in the full length mirror…big mistake I noticed something needed a little trimming up, it must have been a long time since the last time I even looked so I got the scissors and was snipping away and OMG I snipped a piece of skin I shouldn’t. Not a pleasant feeling, kinda scary at first but it wasn’t anything that needed stitches, so I guess I will be OK.
Hope you all have a joyful and prosperous new year, be safe celebrating. IP

Progress as of today: 21.2 lbs lost so far, only 93.8 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 12/30/2008:
The best guide anyone could have in what God has to say or how things came about, where we are at and where we are going is the Bible.Personally we abide by the original King James Version. The questions your son has concern about are valid ?'s, but he must be willing to believe the answers when they are given from the Bible.. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, but the evidence of things NOT seen." I could go into many reasons how evolution can be dis-proved & how there weren't dinosauers that God created, but just know that as long as you tell your son about God, etc then it is up to him to accept or reject it. You have done what you are suppose to in encouraging him to see the "truths" of God.

Thank you for your words of "never give up".... No intentions of EVER doing that... As I told Jen40 a while back, Ive worked too hard to go back and will NEVER have to start @ 237 again.... Just as I said "stall" isnt suppose to be a regret.

Have a wonderful "new years" week!

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