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InnerPeace - Monday Aug 11, 2003

Weight: 268.0

I watched a movie last night and laughed out loud at a solution someone came up with to lose weight. Are you ready for this? We all need to hire a �food slapper�. That is hire someone to follow us around everywhere we go and just be there to slap the food right out of our hand, right before we put it in our mouth. It was comedic, but I guess it would work, I could just see myself sneaking into the bathroom just to eat something good.

I went out and bought me an elliptical trainer�it is much harder than I thought. I was huffing and puffing after three minutes. It is out in the garage with the rest of the equipment I have accumulated. I have three machines, that don�t belong to me, that are just stored there. A health rider, Body by Jake hip and thigh machine and ab machine (those I can�t figure out how to use or I would) a Nordic track, crossbow, an old treadmill (that works) and now my elliptical trainer. You would think I would gather up enough initiative to get off my butt and use them. I just need to install mirrors on the garage walls and start my own gym.

Sunday was the last day for one of the guys at drill. He is moving to Minnesota so we decided to take him to lunch. Everyone decided on Zio�s an Italian joint. I decided not to go, just because I didn�t want to challenge myself and get fattening stuff and binge on the delicious, hot, fresh bread they serve in massive quantities. I felt bad afterwards for not going and wishing the guy good luck. I�m sure I�ll get over it in time, he was a good soldier.

My eating was good and I drank more water than usual, I can still increase that. I hope you all have a great day and continued success. Jo Ann


InnerPeace - Friday Aug 08, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Wow, I can�t believe I haven�t posted in so long. There are tons of new people here, who I don�t recognize. I have been busy in summer school and reading so much; I didn�t have time for myself to even think. My son also returned in June and the last week I have been running around trying to get him enrolled in school. He just finished a driver�s education class and wants to get a car. Great, I�m going to enjoy that, dealing and haggling with used car salesmen has always been on my �to do list� � (implied with sarcasm).

I had to take a physical last weekend and was rudely confronted by a nurse, which I tell myself after the fact, will probably help me in the long run, but during, I was pretty agitated.

Anyway, it was a military event and everything is supposed to be so organized, and I have to say this was. We had different stations to go to, to get checked out: Station 1: fill out paperwork, medical history and any reason why you saw a doctor in the last five years. Station 2: height, weight, blood pressure. Well I had my height and weight measured. OK, its no secret that I�m overweight, that is something you just can�t hide. When I sat down to have my blood pressure taken the nurse said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, �OH yeah, your blood pressure is going to by high, because you are a little overweight.� At first I took this in jest and said, �a lot overweight� and she replied, �well, I was just trying to be polite��whatever. Anyway, my blood pressure was 140-94, which she said was high, so she took it in my other arm, which was 138-92. She told me she couldn�t clear me until the bottom number (I forgot what she called it) was under 90. She told me to go to station 3 and then come back and recheck my blood pressure. Station 3: labs � urine & blood � while I was sitting there waiting, I wondered about the blood pressure incident. How worried should I be and all that. Station 2: The same nurse instructs me to lie down on a bed for a few minutes and think of relaxing things. She starts in with a story about a very obese man who comes in and she just knows that his blood pressure will be high. She takes it and it was within normal limits. She said his cholesterol was only 128. Anyway, after she was finished I asked her if I should be concerned about my blood pressure and if I should consult my primary care physician and get on medication. She then rudely replied�lose weight. I again asked, well if it�s high shouldn�t I see my physician? She said, all you need is diet and exercise and lose weight. Then I was agitated and said, well, that�s not going to happen overnight, do I need to do something in the mean time. She got huffy and said, NO, to just lose weight. Anyway, this went on for a few minutes and continued to get louder, until someone came in to see what the trouble was. OK, I say again, it is no secret I�m overweight, but I was alarmed at the blood pressure thing and don�t want to be having a stroke in the near future. Station 4: vision check Station 5: hearing Station 6: dental Station 7: physical exam � PAP/breast exam (which is never pleasant) Station 8: counseling � drug/alcohol use, safe sex, cigarette smoking, diet/exercise, weight control, HIV and that type of stuff Station 9: civilian doctor Station 10: army doctor

Anyway because of all that, I got back on a diet/lifestyle change kick and want to lose weight and I always got encouragement and motivation from my friends from the DD pages and hope you all welcome me back. I have drill tomorrow and will officially start my �diet� on Sunday. I have to get mentally prepared and just know that this will happen starting Sunday. So on August 10, 2003, I will again start a diet and exercise routine and I will be accountable for the �choices I make�. I�m looking forward to posting regularly again.

Success does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, �I will try again tomorrow�.

Do you best...Jo Ann

Kirby T on 08/09/2003:
Welcome back! I look forward to taking this journey with you! I'll keep in touch on how you are doing.

WE CAN DO THIS!

Good luck!

Cheryl



InnerPeace - Thursday Apr 24, 2003

Weight: 268.0

I have been busy cramming for a physics test. I will never understand somethings. Physics is one of them. So I just crammed long enough to remember and then spit it out on the test and then, its gone, just like it was never there to begin with.

I was disppointed with my weigh in at weight watchers. She told me not to be discouraged since I had started working out. Yeah, that's easy to say. I finally called my insurance company and got authorization to see a therapist. I really have people/crowd issues not to mention all the self esteem ones. I figure I pay for it, I may as well use it, besides there's no investment like a personal one.

I was supposed to make up the drill I missed at the beginning of the month today & tomorrow, however I just couldn't go today. I tried on my uniform and amazingly it fits better, but it is still to tight. So I am now convinced that exercise works. Sometimes you just have to see actual proof.

I found this great aerobics video, that is the funnest thing I'v ever done it incorporates line dancing and country steps in a great aerobic exercise. I really love it and look forward to doing it.

I hope you all have continued success. Jo Ann

Golightly on 04/25/2003:
Hi Innie! I giggled over your description about writing your physics exam. It was the same for me in college! After I had spit it out, it was like it had never been there! To this day, I don't remember a damned thing about Subject Classification! (I have a Library Science Degree.)

I think it's great that you are using insurance to see a therapist. You are right -- you are paying for it and SHOULD use it! Good luck with it!

Also, thanks for the note on my diary. I loved the idea of a "launching pad" for children. Just the mental imagery of children being launched from home, hurling into their new lives, soaring like Superman ... well, it made me giggle! Does this mean I should equip this spare room with a catapult?? LOL

I don't think you were weak for not keeping your son. As you said, you were alone and scared. Sometimes the strongest thing a parent can do is let their child go because they know it will be better for them. I think young mothers who put their children up for adoption have real strength.

As for parachuting, you scream every time? What a hoot!!

Take care of yourself, Jo Ann. And thanks again for the note.


Kerry79 on 04/26/2003:
I hope your phsycis test went okay - I'm glad my days of exams are over. Enjoy your new video too. I love linedancing and do a two-hour class each week. It's great fun, so I don't really regard it as exercise, but it's a good workout too.

Kerry x



InnerPeace - Wednesday Apr 16, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Wow, you miss a few days and miss a bunch. Welcome to all the new people.

Spent almost 2 1/2 hours at the dentist office, which resulted in an attitude on my part. They asked me to fill out a questionnaire, not the best thing to ask when you make patients wait for 40 minutes. It ask me what they could do to make my visit more pleasant...uhh cut the wait time in half would be a start. The first thing they ask me for when I arrived was my insurance card...sure...I don't have any pain today and yes, I'm fine and yourself? Ok I would appreciate if you treated the patient and not my insurance. And then I learn I might have to get a root canal, but the doctor did say that was the worst case scenario...maybe she watches too much reality TV.

I have been eating so much better...portion control is a God send. I have learned to ask for a to go box and immediately put half of my order in it, eat what's left and take the rest home for another meal. I have learned that one bowl of Fruit Loops can satisfy my craving instead of two or three. I have learned that during exercise the pain is awful, but the feel of satisfaction of actually doing it is amazing. I'm sure there are other things I will learn as I go, but these have made the most impact on me.

Last night was the first night I missed exercising...I struggled with myself, but I know my body was screaming for a break and I'm anxious to pick up where I left off tonight.

I hope everyone has continued success. Jo Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/16/2003:
God I had a root canal once and I swore no more.they can rip them suckers out. I'll get dentures. it isnt worth the pain . AWESOME. I live in Elk City, Oklahoma. way out west


Soon2BThin on 04/16/2003:
Yes, it's amazing how good some exercise can make you feel! But sometimes you have to listen to your body and take a break. And don't feel guilty about it. It sounds like you're doing great!


Golightly on 04/17/2003:
Hi Innie! Thanks for the message on my diary, especially the Dr. Phil quote. It really made me think about my own insecurities! You are right .. chances are nobody gives a hoot about my weight!

I had a root canal a few years ago. Thanks to new medical technologies, it wasn't too painful. The worst was ... it was VERY expensive! $1200 Canadian. HELP!

You are doing SO wonderfully on your diet! Just reading about your willpower and good attitude helped me. Thanks alot!



InnerPeace - Monday Apr 14, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Sunday marked an entire week of doing some sort of exercise daily. I thought it would get easier, but I thought I was going to die walking in the park. My girlfriend talked the entire way, which is good, because I could only make short grunting sounds to let her know I was still listening. My legs and back were killing me. A bit of inspiration we passed an older gentlement walking the opposite direction and he waved and said hello, and told us to keep on going...on the way back we passed him again and he said that we did a good job and should walk everyday. Afterwards my girlfriend asked me if I noticed that he was holding his right arm. I said NO because I didn't. She told me that the man had a stroke a few years back and it was amazing that this older gentleman was trying to motivate two younger women.

Worked in the yard Saturday and that is my least favorite thing to do. If I had it my way I would spray RoundUp over my entire yard and let the weeds just swivel up and die. Afterwards I did the WATP 3 mile tape and played cards.

Note to self: Do not pee in a toilet that has bleech in it! Things like this you just don't think about until it actually happens, but after getting choked up by the fumes, I recovered and felt pretty stupid and would only tell people who don't know me from a stranger on the street.

I have a dental appointment today and then school...it will be a late night because there is no way I'm going to stop exercising now. I hope you all have a great week. Jo Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/14/2003:
Ugh dental appointment does not sound like fun. Keep on walking. you are doing great.


Golightly on 04/14/2003:
LOL, peeing in bleach creates fumes? Thanks for the warning!

The man in the park sounds like an angel. FYI, during the teen years, my daughter only communicated with me through grunts. You are right -- at least it lets the other person know you are still alive!

Take care, Jo Ann!


Chrysalis on 04/14/2003:
You're doing good. If you're grunting, then at least you know that you're breathing! Oh, and add that anytime you work with bleach you must have ventilation. Been there, done that!


jenniybunnie on 04/14/2003:
Thanks for the website. It really helps. -Jen



InnerPeace - Thursday Apr 10, 2003

Weight: 268.0

The quest for the perfect bra is eternal. I have yet to find a bra that I can work out with. I have bras that are too loose and I flop around, which is very uncomfortable, I have bras that are too tight and the minute I move half my boob pops out of the cup and the magic of it all, they are the same size. Of these bras I have some that cut through underneath and slide off the shoulder, and then vice versa. I think I have tried every marketable bra there is, I have added and removed pieces and still can't find something I am comfortable with. I want something specific...something that will prevent myself from getting a black eye but something that will let me breathe at the same time.

I am tired of getting heat rashes in unmentionable places. I normally use cornstarch and then when I sweat I get a nice little paste that is really gross. The good thing is my chest is the first place I loose weight. But now since my treadmill is in the house I can flop around at will.

I hope you all have a great successful day. Jo Ann

Chrysalis on 04/10/2003:
I always wear one of those exercise sport bra things when I work out. It does a reasonable job of keeping you in place without having so much there that you get a heat rash. You'll never be able to keep from jiggling a little bit, though. But cheer up! That's how we separate the real boobs from the silicone ones!


Gael the Whale on 04/10/2003:
Bras were invented by Sadists. I dont wear one at all anymore.


Golightly on 04/10/2003:
I went through the same struggles as you, until I found the "Just My Size" bra's which are designed for bigger women. I love them. Comfy, supports, and doesn't cost a lot of money.

When I was in high school, I used to work at Sears in "Home and Body Fashion" -- which was their polite way of saying underwear. I was amazed to find out that a lot of women don't measure themselves and just guess their size -- measuring is really important! FYI, you would also be amazed at how many men would come up to me and say "I'm buying a bra for my wife ... what size are you?" As IF I would fall for that!!! A girl isn't even safe in Sears...

Good luck with your quest!


MM on 04/10/2003:
Have you been fitted for a bra, yet? Go to a specialty store and they can fit you perfectly with a bra you will like. My mother made me do this once, about 7 years ago, and it's great. I used to wear a DD, but when I was fitted they told me I should wear a G. Complete Shock! But, once I started wearing the correct one, my back felt so much better, and no more black eyes! LOL

Good luck!



InnerPeace - Wednesday Apr 09, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Weight Watchers meeting today...down two pounds. I haven't missed exercising yet. I love the WATP tapes, which I have been doing, late at night after school. I like going to the meeting but the ladies there are the rudest bunch I've ever been around. The leader is talking to us and two or three groups of people will be having their own conversation, drowning out the leader. She doesn't say anything to them...it is aggravating to the point I want to SSHHHH them, but I don't. I figure they are just excited about loosing weight or something.

Last night I went to the Big Lots store looking for straws for a craft project. I walked all through that store and found all the Easter candy and candy that didn't have to do with Easter but I didn't find any straws. Finally I asked the young teenage boy with multiple piercings and wild hair told me they were in the party supplies. Off I go in search of the straws. On my way to the check out I ventured over to the Cadbury cream eggs, they were literally calling my name, 'Jo Ann remember that creamy center you love to lick out and the yummy, smooth chocolately shell?' Yes, I do and I was headed over to get one or two or three but that young boy says, 'I'm open ma'am you don't have to wait.' So I say thank you for keeping me from buying the candy...he just looks at me like I'm weird or something. So I say to myself walking out to the car 'God bless the peircings and wild hair child' who at that time was my personal savior from those wicked, evil Cadbury cream eggs.

I've had this treadmill out in my garage for almost two years. Occasionally I would go out in the mornings, before work, and use it. My excuse was that I would miss the news and I just couldn't do that, so this afternoon I dragged the thing in and parked it right in front of my television, turned it on, turned up the television and walked. So no more excuses. I have a small goal...which is to fit into my uniform again.

My group at school has a new saying...stupid should be painful. So I'm not going to be stupid anymore. I know the ropes, I just have to stick to them. I hope you all have a great day and many more successes. JO Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/10/2003:
all Right. Bravo. resisted that candy. hard one two at this time of year. and great idea about the treadmill. I really should have one of those tvs that you have to pedal to power. so no pedal no show. think it would motivate me to exercise a lot more. lol I should have a computer that is pedal powered. then I would REALLY have to work.



InnerPeace - Sunday Apr 06, 2003

Weight: 270.0

I called my First Sergeant and explained to him my problem. He let me out of drill, however, I have to make it up the 24th & 25th, that's OK, I now have 3 weeks to get into my tight fitting uniform. Thanks Chrysalis for your motivation, I wish they would act like that, but they don't. It's more like avoiding the pink elephant in a room full of alcoholics.

My girlfriend and I walked through the park today. Almost 2 1/2 miles. My legs were on fire and my back ached and ached, but I made it, didn't set any record though. I'll keep walking.

We'll see what this weekend brings. A guy at work gave me an awesome pie recipe that is only 3 points per slice.

1 reduced fat graham cracker crust 1 small box of strawberry/lime sugar free jello (whatever your taste) 2 6 oz. cups of lowfat/fat free strawberry yogart (again whatever jellow you chose) 1 small tub of fat free coolwhip

dissolve jello with 1/4 cup of boiling water (may have to reheat to get it all dissolved. Add two containers of yogart and mix well. Add coolwhip and stir. Pour mixture into pie crust and let set for 1 or 2 hours. Eat.

It tastes really good and is filling if you have a sweet craving and like I said it is only 3 weight watcher points. Enjoy. JO Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/06/2003:
Oh that pie sounds soo goood . think I might try that soon . if I get a few days to putter about the kitchen again .


pezzy34 on 04/06/2003:
JO Ann,

If it makes you feel any better my husband was IRR (inactive reserves) for 2 years after serving 4 in the Marine Corps. When they called him back in February he was considerably heavier than when he joined and he had to get all new uniforms because he had gone up 2 full sizes. Then he had to go from couch potato to full PT, and needless to say the Corps isn't known for being full of softies who will say "it's okay Dean... we know you're not used to this" They say "get off your ass grunt and GO, GO, GO!!!" I think it has been harder on me hearing him tell me over the phone how tired and hurt he is! We are also a mixed military family! His ex wife is in the Marines also and so it is rough on the kids. We have two together and they had one together that lives with her. You be strong and you will get through this and be so much better for it down the road!

He is now at Camp Lejeune and that keeps me going knowing that I want to be in better shape when he comes home! They are being deployed in May unless as his Colonel said "unless the war is over and the whole country is cleaned up by then" So, he is going needless to say.

Okay, I've rambled! But keep going!!! Uniforms are sexy... remember that! Love, Jenni


Golightly on 04/07/2003:
I think it was a wonderful gesture to write to your ex-husbands wife. Just a lovely thing to do!

If there really are angels watching over us ALL the time, mine must have a very strong stomach. I wouldn't want to have to watch me showering every day! :)

Thank God for sugar-free jello!



InnerPeace - Thursday Apr 03, 2003

Weight: 270.0

I went to my weigh in - I lost .8 pound. I really didn't try and I didn't exercise at all - I'm working on that - remember I just realized portion control.

I was having a conversation with another good friend of mine I usually call Dingy (whose brother I was supposed to pick up at the airport last night - but his father-n-law did instead). Anyway we were talking about how our days went and she was saying, what if there are angels (like in City of Angels) that hover around us during the day and that bad day you think you had, well just imagine how much worse it could be if that angel wasn't around. That made since to me and I thought about it and had all these great revelations, but then can't remember them. Sort of like not remembering dreams.

I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I have to go to drill this weekend. I hate the way I look in my uniform and have issues with it because I know I don't meet the standards. But then again, they know it too and sometimes, I just wish they would say, 'hey, YOU don't meet the standards and you need to make some kind of progress or we'll boot you out' but they don't. So if they let it slide I shouldn't feel so awful, but in my subconscious mind that just gives me permission to keep on keeping on and not doing anything about it. So we are both guilty.

I broke down and emailed my ex-husband's wife. I wrote: I'm just writing to ask how you are doing? I was concerned when I heard about the soldiers missing from Fort Bliss, but I didn't know what unit Bobby is in or what location. I hope all is well and the chances of you deploying are slim. I hope Nicklaus is acting OK for you, and remember if you need anything for him or for yourself, please let me know. (for those of you who don't know - Bobby is my ex-husband who is still active duty military as is his current wife Shirley. Nicklaus, my son, is living with Shirley in El Paso while my ex is deployed)

Anyway she wrote back informing me that she was currently in the 507th Maintenance Company (the company whose convoy was ambused and had soldiers taken as POWs. She told me she new all of those people and they were her friends. She said it was weird for her and unbelievable in ways she would never imagine. She just hopes she doesn't have to go over there anytime soon. My ex though, deployed in July last year on another mission that is different from what is going on in Iraq, so he is safe. My son is doing fine.

Anyway, I hope you all are having a great day - I will be exercising in a way this evening by mowing my lawn. Jo Ann

Chrysalis on 04/03/2003:
I'm going to comment just on your paragraph about drilling this weekend and how they don't say anything to you and you wish they would. Okay, here goes. [Deep breath.] "Alright, maggot, what is this uniform getting tighter sh*t? You think you're a civilian? Get out there and do some PT. Hard PT, maggot. Drop and give me 20. And another 20. And another 20...."



InnerPeace - Wednesday Apr 02, 2003

Weight: 271.0

This week I made amends with a very dear friend. I feel so much better because it was my fault we didn't speak for 2 years, not that I did anything wrong, I thought I was doing something right. After a conversation we had, she said something I didn't agree with, but kept it to myself. When I got home and thought about what she said, it made me angry, so much so that I never returned her calls or talked to her again for 2 years. I was really missing her, so I called and talked to her and told her I was sorry for being dumb, I really missed her. I love her even more for just picking up where we left off, like nothing ever happened. How often do you find friends who understand and accept you for who you are?

BUT I also had controversy. I work in an office with 9 other individuals and yes, I'm the administrative assistant, the low man on the totem pole, the phone answerer, the copy machine fixer and the fax know hower but damn it I am a person too and when some one just totally disregards that fact, it can really be irritating.

I was the only one in the office when someone comes in, walks directly past me without saying a word and walks all through the office and comes back by and says, 'there is no one here'. I said good morning, but she just walked out the office. If she would have spoken when she first came in, I would have told her I was the only one in the office and saved her the trip of trying to find someone, 'who could help her'. The second time, she came through with someone interviewing for a job. She introduced her to the two people who have desks before mine, walked around me, and introduced her to the rest of the people behind my desk. Never acknowledged me or said anything at all to me. How rude!! So as the longer I sat there the madder I became and when she left I told one of the managers, 'If I'm so insignificant than I just won't come to work tomorrow'. He agrees that what she did was very rude but. I said there is not but, it was inexcusable so don't try to make excuses for her behavior. We talked about it and I still said I was going to take the next day off, just because. Anyway, yesterday she came to my desk and apologized, she said she didn't mean to be rude. I thanked her and told her I appreciated her apology. She was all teary eyed and said, when she was told the situation it probably bothered her more than it made me mad. I doubt it, but anyway, she apologized again and left.

Then I felt bad because she was upset. When I talked to my confidant here at work, she said, that this person is so shallow, she may have been upset because someone actually brought her behavior to her attention, not because she actually regretted it. I do think her apology was heartfelt and will take it as such. I know, I know I'm rambling but I just want you to know...I'm really not angry all the time, just when something conflicts with my emotional self.

Today is my first week weigh-in at weight watchers. I can't stay for the meeting because I have to pick my friend's brother up from the airport - the storage unit he had all his belongings in burned down. He lost all of his household furniture he and his wife have been collecting for seven years. The work on the road and when they find pieces they liked, they would buy it and ship it back here to put inside a house they are building. I guess now they will have to start from scratch...man that bites.

I have other issues, but will talk about those at a later time. My eating is doing better. I finally understand portion control...go figure, that only took 10 years. I hope you all have a successful day. Jo Ann

inmorning on 04/02/2003:
Your "ramblings" hit on things we all think and just need help remembering. Have a great day. annastasia


Golightly on 04/02/2003:
Hi Jo Ann! I don't blame you for being upset. That was more than just rude -- "rude" is when someone defies a social custom. If the story ended after she "forgot" to talk to you the first time she entered the office, then I would define it as rude. But when she ignored you the second time, she indicated that she completely disregards you as a member of the team! Even her apology was selfish : "it bothered me more than you". What makes her think she is aware of how YOU feel?? God, she sounds so arrogant!

Okay, I am going to calm down. Deep breath, Golightly. Phew.

Good for you for going to the boss about it. I'm glad he talked to her. I hope she was so embarassed by her actions that she will never do it again. Offices can be really strange places, huh?

Glad to hear you have your friend back, and that your eating is doing better.

Take care.


Chrysalis on 04/02/2003:
I'm a secretary, too, so I've had the experience of being invisible. We had a county manager who would completely ignore me even if I said "good morning." Then, of course, there's the men who won't take "no" from me, a lowly secretary and a female. The boss says the same thing I do, but since he has a penis, it holds more weight. Grrrrrr.



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