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Runner - Thursday Dec 01, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.5

After two very bad days of eating, I am back to 118.5. I guess it could be worse, but it's enough to put me into high gear to start eating better! I'm tired of giving in to foods that have no nutritional value at all.

It's time to adopt BTC's strategy: fill up on the good stuff first...then, if I have room (which I probably won't!), I can have occasional treats. You know, I used to eat so many veggies at dinner, and I haven't eaten veggies at dinner all week! Know why? Because I've eaten crummy dinners of Nutella or cheese or something! YUCK! Why do I do these things to myself?

borntocry on 12/02/2005:
Hi Runner,

Cheese isn't that bad! You need the calcium!

I think there may be some truth to Jenny's comment from the day before - that we tend to crave fatty, starchy foods at this time of the year. I've definitely noticed that in myself, and as you know I like fruits and vegetables a lot too, so it's odd that I should find myself so consistently avoiding them! Maybe we're like a couple of bears, preparing for hibernation and seeking out calorie-dense foods. Hmm... I'm not sure I like the sound of that!

Seriously, though, I was looking back on some of my past entries and I was struggling at this time last year as well. I was at 120 lb. and did not start losing again until March! So maybe we do have a tendency to pack on the fat over the winter months... it kind of makes sense, doesn't it? But that doesn't mean I'm not going to fight it!


sweetpea1977 on 12/02/2005:
Hey Runner,

Man, I almost missed this entry!! I saw your response to BTC's entry about the weather difference and had to respond. My bad, I couldnt remember which hemisphere you were in (Im horrible at world geography!)! At any rate, the winter eating concept doesnt fit you evironmentally but could other factors drive a person to eat in "winter mode"? Do you think it is possible that your body hasnt adapted to the Asian seasonal changes yet? If not, it could be all psychological - you reading about our adventures with cold weather makes your body think its in winter mode.

Here is something I discovered today. Try doing a search on "Seasonal Affective Disorder" aka "Winter Depression" or "Summer Depression". I've never heard of this, but it makes perfect sense! The following link is the best description of SAD that I've ran across so far: http://www.ncpamd.com/seasonal.htm

Anyhow, I like your decision to fill up on the good stuff first. I know it takes time to prepare them healthy foods, but in the end your body will be much more thankful for them. :o)

Jenny


geevee on 12/02/2005:
Hi Runner,

Cheese is nutritious and has plenty of calcium but it also has a lot of fat and I'm sure is partly responsible for my high LDL level. I had eaten a few pizzas, strombolis and baked lasagna and eggplant, plus the stupid experiment w/whole milk. I'm positive the reason my poor father's arteries were so clogged was due in good part to the cheese he'd snack on every night. He died of a stroke at 55.

Those fat globules taste so good! unlike freshly steamed vegetables that don't make you crave more. I have been able to fill up on broccoli, etc. when hungry rather than tastier fat filled alternatives. It's not an easier decision to make!

The first thing I'm going to do when I get off the computer is to make my huge salad like I did yesterday. I have to treat myself like a little kid. "No, no. You can't have that. It's not good for you!"

I'm also going to have two vegetables at dinner for the first time in a couple of weeks. It's SO easy to lose good habits!



Runner - Thursday Dec 01, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.0

somehow I'm still at 118, but I'm dissatisfied with my food choices.

Even if I'm maintaining my weight, I don't want to become lazy with what I eat. I used to avoid really fatty foods, but now I just don't seem to care, as long as I don't go over my calorie limit. However, I do need to care. My cholesterol levels are up, and saturated fat does no good to my body. So although I agree that eating fat in moderation is okay, I feel like I've been passing up my fruits and veggies in order to eat spoonfuls of Nutella or pieces of cheese. And after my little binges with "fat," I don't feel like eating more calories, so I skip the healthy stuff.

Is my body craving fat? I don't think so...because I know what it's like to crave fat, and I usually only crave fat when I've gone for a long time without it. But I can honestly say I haven't gone without it in awhile! So I don't think I'm necessarily craving it.

But I know I can't continue to eat like this and expect to ever see 115 again. In fact, I'll probably see 119 again tomorrow, at the rate I'm going!

Why is it so hard to get out of an eating slump? Once I'm there, it's so comfortable to stay for awhile!!!

borntocry on 12/01/2005:
Hey Runner!

I just left you a comment on your entry from the day before!


borntocry on 12/01/2005:
Hi Runner,

I'm back to say that I've been noticing a similar trend myself, lately - not so much with fat as with carbohydrates. I find myself craving all things bready and doughy and the only way I can keep the calories down is by cutting out the fruits and vegetables! Do you think we ought to make sure we eat our healthy stuff, even if we don't feel like it, and then have a treat afterwards if we still really need it? Basically I'm hoping that most of the time, or at least some of the time, we would decide against it, or at least stick to a smaller serving. But I guess there's always the danger that we might end up with way too many calories!


sweetpea1977 on 12/01/2005:
Hey Runner,

I think the time of year has to do with a lot of our cravings. I have had a ton of cravings ever since it got cold here. I crave fatty foods, bread of all sorts, and sweets galore by the time November rolls around. I think people tend to eat more in the winter time because more calories are burned when the body is cold. And it doesnt help that two big eating holidays take place only one month apart! And lets not forget the New Year's feasting that a lot of people do!

Anyway, I like what BTC said. I think it is important to fullfill the nutritional requirements for your body first, and then if necessary, use the rest of your calories for the naughty stuff. I do this on a regular basis and find that I dont need the naughty stuff as much because Im full of the healthy stuff!

Jenny


geevee on 12/01/2005:
For me, getting out of a slump requires sheer determination plus a lot of talking to myself. If the "good stuff" isn't cut up and ready to eat, I'm lost. It's so much easier to reach for bread or a bagel. This week I've delibrately eaten fresh fruit in the afternoon instead of cereal or a bagel.

The problem with fat is that it's so satisfying and wards off hunger so well. How I'd love some cheese, but with only two weeks before the blood work, I daren't.

I read the msnbc article about that berry used in Japan to make sour taste sweet. Jim is so close minded I doubt that he'd benefit from reading it. He has this warped idea that nothing but loads of sugar and as many high calorie ingredients as is possible is the only way to eat good food. trying to convince him otherwise is a lost cause. And guess what? He's gained weight and ought to lose at least 20 pounds if not more. He looks terrible.



Runner - Wednesday Nov 30, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.0

I only have a minute, but I wanted to update...

I felt thinner this morning, so I pulled the scale out again. (that didn't last long, did it??)

I was pleasantly surprised to see 118, although 2 months ago I would have cringed at that number!

Instead of continuing my healthy eating habits, though, I had a rough night...and instead of eating a healthy dinner, I had two pieces of amazing chocolate cake with chestnut-cream frosting, some crackers and cheese, and a few tablespoons of Nutella. Talk about 1000 calories or more in one sitting! That's pathetic.

Tomorrow MUST be better! But I have a potential hurdle...I'm going out for pizza at night! I go out for pizza probably 2 times a year, because I usually can't rationalize all the calories...plus, I'd rather make my own pizza at home! But I can't get out of this dinner date. I just hope I can stick to 2 pieces!

Umpqua on 11/30/2005:
I think it's good that your focusing on yourself right now and completely understandable. The fertility decision can come later, when you have your other health issues under control. It may be too soon to jump to conclusions here, but I'm not all that surprised to see your weight down after a night heavier than normal eating. I think it might be the jump start you need! If you keep things healthy today and then indulge a bit on the pizza tomorrow, you might see even better results. Just a thought. Also, there's no way I could stick to 2 pieces of pizza if I only it twice a year! Since I live in one of the pizza capitals of the US though, this isn't even an option ;)


sweetpea1977 on 11/30/2005:
Runner,

Im glad you are feeling thinner this morning. Umpqua mentioned something that I often encounter - a day or two of heavy eatings usually gives me lighter weights. Im not sure what causes it, but I like it!

Homemade pizza's are the best! I am still learning how to make a good pizza...meanwhile, I get my pizza from a small shop in town. Much better than Domino's or Pizza Hut! I eat veggie pizzas most of the time now (about 6 times a year). They are lower in calories, but not by much, thanks to that yummy cheese!

Anyway, if you eat healthy all day, then the pizza shouldnt do that much damage. Just try to concentrate on the social aspect of the dinner date. :o)

Jenny


geevee on 11/30/2005:
Hi Runner,

The good aspect of your Nutella tale is how helpful it is to me. Several months ago I was tempted to buy it. I picked up a jar and carefully read the ingredients and esp. calories! In my mind were your words "trigger food". I also thought of BTC and how she, too, loses control over it. The decision to leave the jar at the store was made. I just KNEW it would affect me the very same way. It's bad enough that my crunchy PNB tempts me everyday. I would go nuts over Nutella. "If it's not in the house I can't eat it." This mantra has sustained me on many occasions. And to think that I've never tasted it! I know. I've really missed something good, but I'll just have to hold off a while longer.

Feeling that one pound you knew you dropped is just what I was talking about. We are so sensitive to the minutest changes in our bodies. I would have taken out my scale just to confirm what I already knew.


borntocry on 12/01/2005:
Hi Runner,

Who would ever have thought we would one day be grateful to find ourselves at 118 lb? I experienced the same mixed emotions when I stepped on the scale this morning. On the one hand I was glad that my weight had gone down, but on the other hand I was kind of horrified to see how low my standards have fallen! Just a mere couple of weeks ago I was dissatisfied at 115 lb! And now I'm wondering how I will ever get back to that!

Thanks for the comment you left me. I knew you would relate to my anguish over that fig and almond tart! It reminded me of that incident you had with those ribs in America. Remember that?



Runner - Tuesday Nov 29, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

I'm still really bloated, but the doctor thinks it's due to the hormones in my body. They're wrecking havoc on everything...my mood, my weight, and my stomach! So...I've put the scale away for the moment. I can't bear to weigh myself and see the number continue to go up right now. My eating is just fine, and I'm doing everything else right. I don't want to weigh myself again until I feel a little thinner!

The good news is that my fallopian tubes are normal! The bad news is that I definitely have to go the fertility route if we want to have kids. I don't want all these hormones in my body, though...at the moment, I think I'd rather be thin! And I don't care if that sounds selfish. It's the truth!

borntocry on 11/29/2005:
Hi Runner,

I just caught up on your last few entries. That's good news on your fallopian tubes! So why would you definitely have to go the fertility route to have children? Or do you mean that because the doctors haven't been able to find any actual cause of infertility, there's nothing they can do to fix it?

I felt so bad for you when I read about your painful exam and that unsympathetic and heartless Chinese doctor. I hope you never have to go through anything like that again. But just in case, if you have another doctor whom you know and trust, you could ask him/her to be present as well, you know. I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago when my doctor suspected that I might have cancer (!) and referred me to a specialist for a rather painful and invasive procedure. I was very reluctant to put myself in the hands of a French doctor whom I had never met and who couldn't speak English, but my doctor wasn't qualified to perform the procedure herself. Finally, though, she agreed to attend, and she explained everything that was going on and joked about how if I thought that was bad, I should wait until I had a baby!

So are you going to stop the hormones? I hope things get back to normal soon. In the meantime I think you did the right thing to put the scale away! If you're eating right, you don't deserve to see a high number on the scale, so don't put yourself through that. You're going through enough already!


sweetpea1977 on 11/29/2005:
Hey Runner,

Im glad your fallopian tubes are ok. What a relief! There has been so much success with all the fertility routes out there, so basically it will be a decision of when/if you want a baby.

I can understand why you dont want to deal with the extra hormones though, as they seem to be playing a role in your bloating problem. But, like I've said before, I think that taking care of yourself should be your number 1 priority, no matter what it takes. Anyway, I like your decision to stay away from that evil scale. There's no need to see those unpleasant numbers when you already have so many other concerns to focus on!

Jenny


geevee on 11/29/2005:
After all the hard work of losing weight and finally being and feeling thin, the way you feel about preferring to be thin is perfectly normal.

Thinking about your situation brought to mind the article I had mentioned a number of months ago about the socialite, Nan Kempner who was notoriously thin for years. A friend pointed out to her that according to the latest gov't. statistics, she was a number of pounds underweight. Her marvelous reply will surely hit home. "Yes. I know. Isn't that wonderful?"



Runner - Sunday Nov 27, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

So...3 1/2 pounds in one week.

What can I blame it on this time? Hmmmm...

the Premarin? MAYBE.

the antibiotics? MAYBE.

overeating? NOT!

I had two Thanksgiving meals in 24 hours, and I'm pleased to say that I handled myself well. But that food made me bloat up so badly, and I was 119.5 this morning. Can you believe I used to stress out when I saw 115? I would jump for joy if I saw 115 right now!

At my second Thanksgiving meal, I barely ate any of the traditional foods, since I was still full from the night before! I did indulge in some caramel apple pie from Costco, but that was basically my meal! That, and two small pieces of pumpkin cheesecake that I made myself.

While everyone else was pigging out, I simply enjoyed the atmosphere and conversation. I got a lot of compliments on my sweet potato casserole, so that made me feel good! I actually made almost all of the food for the two dinners, so I'm quite tired now.

My eating has still been pretty stellar, if I do say so myself! Too bad I don't ever get a break when I weigh myself in the morning!

I read online that Premarin often causes weight gain and/or bloating. Maybe those pills are doing something wacky to my system.

I'll find out the report of my hysterosalpingogram tomorrow. Let me just tell you that it hurt so badly...I've never been in such pain. I don't think that's a good sign, either. I felt very alone in that hospital room with a Chinese gynecologist who had no sympathy or concern, even when I was crying out in pain. I hope I never have to go through something like that again...unless I'm giving birth to a child!

sweetpea1977 on 11/27/2005:
Hey Runner,

Im very proud of your eating over the holiday weekend. You did an excellent job. At least you know in your mind you did well. Too bad the scale can't reflex your efforts. Many medications do cause weight gain and that combined with your slow digestive system and probably some other unknown cause will definitely show an increase.

Im sorry to hear about your painful fertility test. That unsympathetic doctor shouldnt be a doctor, as they are supposed to be caring individuals!!!

Jenny


geevee on 11/27/2005:
Runner,

Everyone who takes hormones complains of at least a five pound gain. I have a friend who stopped taking them because she couldn't stand the bloating! Your weight is the last thing you should be worried about. You know that you're eating as you should and that the gain is not due to a lapse. It's just a matter of time until you drop this temporary excess.

You are so right about how easily the pounds add on with the merest of increase in eating. During a 3 month period I struggled trying to maintain my goal of 125 but was only successful about 50% of the time. Then I was battling the high 120's. I don't want to talk about this November! I am out of control and have to cut out the beer and wine. With two full pies plus that big slice of Key Lime pie, it's not going to be easy!

I'm really craving "your" carrot soup. I haven't had it for a couple of months. When a 10 and 11yr. old come over for dinner and ask where the carrot soup is, and why didn't you make it?, (children just aren't into soup at all) you know that it's really special. My youngest's two kids just love it!

I know it will make a great impression on my vegan friends and that I'll have to write the recipe down for them. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as they devour it.


gigi43 on 11/27/2005:
Male gynecologists are IDIOTS in white coats! I don't know why any man would want to be a gynecologist since they all seem so unsympathetic to women's pain regarding any conditions that are exclusively female. I'm sorry you experienced so much pain during your procedure, but I hope the results are promising.

And it sounds like the medicine you're on could very well be responsible for the additional gain/bloat. Just try to hang in there - I know how much it sucks to be bloated because it's not just unsightly but also physically uncomfortable and can wreak havoc on your mental state.

Take Care,

Julie



Runner - Thursday Nov 24, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.0

Three pounds in two days.

According to the scale, I am 119 right now. I could just cry. This is so unfair!

I enjoyed a pretty healthy dinner with my hubby last night, but also indulged a little in a couple of treats, but I thought I'd be okay. I spent my afternoon hiking with a friend for over 2 hours! And then we walked to dinner and walked back, and I also got in a good run that morning. So I was astonished to see my belly sticking out and my weight up to 119 this morning.

Six pounds in less than three months...I really don't think I've ever gained weight that quickly! What if this trend continues??

I have a hysterosalpingogram today...basically, that means the doctor is going to shoot dye into my uterine cavity to check my fallopian tubes and uterus. This is a basic test for infertility...but it also tests for polyps or tumors. I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm more upset about my weight gain. That's dominating my thoughts at the moment.

borntocry on 11/25/2005:
Hi Runner,

You're right, this really is unfair. I totally pigged out last night and didn't do the slightest exercise (well, not counting five hours of cooking) and I'm only up to 116.8 right now. But it isn't really all that surprising - after all you know you have a medical condition which causes these weight fluctuations. Now that's what's really not fair!

Speaking of which, I hope your fertility test goes well today and that everything is as it should be.

Oh and as for our little swap, here's my e-mail address: pulpsong@hotmail.com. It's one I don't use a lot so I don't mind posting it online!


geevee on 11/25/2005:
I know how you feel Runner. When I had to "suck it in" to snap my shorts this morning, that was a huge sign of weight gain and not fluctuation!

I notice that at first it's merely a fluctuation, and then it becomes permanent. In the days of 127-128 I was just a little over goal, but now it looks like I've definitely gained a full five pounds and if I don't stop this trend, it'll soon be more.

I keep saying that you're the one who woke me up to the fact that maintenance is the REAL challenge! It's hard enough to lose, but keeping it off is a lot harder!


Umpqua on 11/26/2005:
I'm sorry you're seeing this number. Even though we're at the same weight, you honestly do not deserve to be there. You've been eating right and exercising a lot, so you should be seeing a loss - not a gain. I was just happy to see this number after Turkey Day, as 120 is a real danger sign for me. At least we can both celebrate the fact that we're on the good side of 120...I hope all goes well with your fertility test.



Runner - Wednesday Nov 23, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.0

Those two dumb pounds are back on me...and yes, I know it's a fluctuation...at least, I hope it is! Of course, if I continue to eat badly, it won't be a fluctuation! It will be a gain.

There's more caramel apple pie on our floor today, and I've already had a piece of it. (nice breakfast, huh?) I really thought I would be able to pass it up, but I gave in...I just feel so out-of-control right now! Usually when my weight is up, I can pass up the treats easily. But I feel like I'm really stuck in a rut right now.

And my husband and I are going out for dinner. Guess I'll have to think of a very healthy place to go...where I can have sushi or salad or something. Because I can't afford to indulge any more. I will be devastated if I see 119 tomorrow!!!

But on a more positive note---Happy Thanksgiving! I found out that I get the afternoon off (since I have an American boss!), so that just made my day! I'll get in an extra walk today! :)

borntocry on 11/24/2005:
Hi Runner,

Happy Thanksgiving! Lucky you, getting the afternoon off! No-one here has any idea that it's Thanksgiving, but I'm planning to tell them as I want to leave early (I normally work 'til seven, which won't give me anywhere near enough time for all the cooking I've planned!).

Thanks for the comment you left me. Yes, that Double Fudge Brownie flavour caught my eye too! What a pity they don't deliver overseas. But I do have a friend in America who owes me a favour, so I could get them shipped to her, but the problem is that it looks like they don't accept foreign credit cards either. I've written to them, though, to make sure.

And yes, why don't we do a little trade of protein bars and sweet potato treats? I think that's a great idea! Isn't there anything else I could send you as well, though? I'll feel too guilty about this trade if I'm getting treats and you're just getting protein bars!



Runner - Tuesday Nov 22, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 116.0

I was happy to see 116 on the scale again this morning, but I'm afraid I've already jeapordized my hard work this morning. Although I can normally escape the typical office snacks and goodies, we had a caramel apple pie from Costco and some chocolates from America in the office today. YIKES! Both of those foods are definitely "trigger foods" for me, so although I wasn't hungry at all, I had some pie and two chocolates. It's not even lunchtime, and I've already consumed upwards of 800 calories, I'm sure! (Because I had a good breakfast, too)

But I'm not hungry for lunch, so I'm not going to eat until I am. And when I do eat, it will be some lean protein and maybe a piece of fruit. I'm not going to eat lunch just because everyone else is eating lunch. Those chocolates and pie will hold me over for awhile.

I just regret how I ate them so quickly that I didn't even really enjoy them. I think I was afraid they'd be gone before I could try some! So I joined the madness at the table and didn't take the time to savor these rare treats. It's amazing how my good intentions can fly out the window when everyone else is pigging out!

Anyway...I'm not mad at myself, I just hope I can have a low-cal day the rest of the day! Because more temptations are sure to come!!!

***************UPDATE....

It's so ironic that Breakaway congratulated me for not going back for more, because that's exactly what I did, two hours after I wrote this entry! So I feel that I must confess: I ended up eating another piece of pie and another chocolate! And then I read Breakaway's comment to me and felt even worse, as I know that I completely crossed the line with the second helpings. So in the span of about 3 hours, I ate upwards of 1000 calories. That's terrible, and I feel stuffed!

I had good intentions with that second piece...I was going to take it home to my husband. But then I tried one bite of the caramel crumb crust and the rest is history. Was I hungry? NO. Had I already enjoyed a nice piece? YES. So why did I eat it? Sometimes I just can't figure myself out! It's NOT because I've been depriving myself. It's NOT because I was bored. It's NOT because I don't think I'll ever get this pie again...in fact, I'm going to have it again on SUNDAY! But I'll need a new strategy that day, because I'm NOT going to behave the same way I did today! This kind of behavior is unacceptable in my book. Simply stuffing my face for the sake of stuffing my face is unacceptable.

breakaway on 11/22/2005:
I do the same thing when it comes to that. I eat them way to fast when I eat them and then after the fact I wished I had taken my time eating them at least. Then it's to late. the good thing is you didn't go back for more after you took the first ones. Hang in there and congrats on being back to 116 I knew you would get there :)


borntocry on 11/23/2005:
Hi Runner,

Oh no, not this again! Why - why does this happen to us? And with such awful regularity!

I totally agree with you - one of the worst things about it is the way we let ourselves get so overcome with greed that we don't even take the time to really savour something special. We just cram it into our mouths like we're afraid it might vanish into thin air! I know in my case what I'm really afraid of is that my self-control might somehow kick in at the last second and drag that treat out from between my very lips!

I hope you do find a strategy to deal with this situation, and if you do, please share it with me! At the moment, my only strategy is just to plan around the inevitable gluttony. So if I know there are going to be treats at work I make sure not to have breakfast or lunch. It may mean giving up on any hope of resistance, but I guess I feel that as I'm so rarely able to resist, there's no point even trying and at least this way I can minimise the damage.

On a brighter note, thanks for your comment and those references to your favourite protein bars. The Dr Soy ones look DELICIOUS! Do you think I could order them here? Or would it be way too expensive? It seemed possible from their website but I don't know how much it would cost. I might give it a try, just to see!

As for the Bjorg soya bar, you might be able to take a look at it <a href="http://www.telemarket.fr/dynV5/index.shtml?LIEN=catalogue/presentationProduits.shtml?codeProduit=576280&type=1" target="_blank">here</a> (I'm not sure if the link will work - it's a bit weird). I really like it, but I doubt very much that it's anywhere near as good as those Dr Soy bars. Those really do look just like candy bars! But you're right, the good thing about the Bjorg bars is that they're so low-calorie. Also, I like the fact that they're really natural - the only ingredients are soy nuts, brown sugar, cocoa butter, milk powder and honey. I could send you some if you like! How about it?!


sweetpea1977 on 11/23/2005:
Hey Runner,

The holidays are very hard to deal with, even for the most disciplined dieters and health conscience folks. Please know that you arent the only one dealing with this annual problem. We all do it to some extent during the holidays.

Now that you've already had enough of the caramel pie and chocolate, try your best to focus on the healthy stuff. Dont forget that healthy stuff tastes pretty dang good as well! Dont miss out on it because of some silly little dessert. :o)

For the next couple of holiday meals, try eating a healthy low cal appetizer before the main meal. Eat it slowly while planning what you will put on your plate at dinner. Make it a goal to have a balanced dinner and pick out your dessert AFTER you finished your meal. Remember, it takes about 20 minutes for you stomach to realize its full, so eat slowly and listen to your body. Take time to participate in conversation, which will slow down your eating and may keep you from overstuffing yourself in the process. :o)

Jenny



Runner - Monday Nov 21, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.0

Wow, so much to think about! Maryk just might be on to something...although I've lost weight in the past simply by eating less and moving more, I do think my body is "stuck in a rut" at the moment. It's so hard to know exactly what my problem is, as I feel like I have sevral "outside" factors influencing my body.

First, there's the digestion problem...I know that my food is digesting slower than it used to. But I also think there may be something else the doctor's haven't caught yet. Because the bloating will often come when I least expect it to.

Secondly, I started taking Premarin last week to induce a period, so I have extra hormones coursing through my body at the moment. (which usually adds some bloating)

Thirdly, there's the fact that I've exercised so much that my body is extremely efficient. I rarely get my heartbeat up over about 150 beats/ minute. Usually, it's between 90-120, and that's when I'm exercising! So I'm probably not burning calories at the rate I used to.

But in response to Breakaway, I highly doubt that my body is in starvation mode. Although it may sound like I deprive myself of certain foods, I really do eat enough...I hardly ever eat less than 1800 calories! But I know from experience that as soon as I start eating over about 2200 calories, I WILL GAIN WEIGHT. So I'm only kidding myself if I think I can eat whatever I want, because one big piece of cheesecake can completely undo an hour of running.

Now, I know I need to cut back on the exercise. I know I need to listen to my body...and I know I still need to eat healthy foods! I think the thing I need to learn most is BALANCE. I need more balance. My body is out of balance, and I know that. I really do.

And I'm doing something about it...I really am.

But I use this diary as a place to vent my feelings and frustrations...so when I'm up 2 1/2 pounds, I will probably write about it because I think that gains like that are often unfair. But I'm not dwelling on it all day long...in fact, after I type out all my frustrations, I usually feel tons better! And it helps me SO MUCH to know that I'm not alone in this! That other people have bad days, too! That other people know how it feels to do everything right and still see a gain on the scale!!

So...I don't know if I'm making sense, but thank you to those of you who comment and help me out...your encouragement and ideas are valuable to me in this whole process.

You know, it's not easy for me to admit that all this exercise hasn't been beneficial...for so long, I've really believed that I was doing something GOOD for my body. So changing my mindset isn't easy, and I still have a long ways to go. (Plus, I have a race in 3 weeks that I'm really looking forward to!) But I do know that there is a time and season for everything, and I really cannot live the rest of my life this way. I've somehow managed to maintain a very physical lifestyle for about 7 years, but my body is wearing out at the young age of 28, and if I want to be able to enjoy having children someday, I'd better stop before it's too late.

breakaway on 11/22/2005:
wow, yes at your weight 1800 calories should be plenty even with the exercise. And it's totally understandable that you would want to complain about a 2 1/2 lb weight because it's a much higher percentage then most of us here if we were to gain the same. I know I would be a little upset also. And this IS the place to vent becuase there are so many people here and everyone seems to have a different opinion which is really helpful becuase then you have many different paths to choose from. I hope it all works out for you. Hang in there!! :)


aymalaika on 11/22/2005:
hey Runner... i'm really sorry you are going through this struggle, but your attitude towards it is positive, and realistic! you will come through, you are theonly one who knows what your body needs, and listening to yourself is a really good place to start. your body is signalling to you that something needs to change, and you are taking this seriously. you should be proud of yourself and the efforts you are making to allow your body to reach a state of health and balance that is not induced by such extremism. you can do this, we are all here for you and i'm really glad you can vent here, i do the same thing and it really helps to just be so honest and get it out there, in the open! anyway, have a great day!


borntocry on 11/22/2005:
Hi Runner,

I know what you mean about maryk's theory - it's hard for me to accept too, as I've also lost weight in the past by exercising more and cutting calories. But I think one can only do that for so long before one's metabolism gets used to it and doesn't react to it any more. Not only are our bodies more efficient when it comes to exercise, but they are also probably more capable of adjusting to reductions in our calorie intake as well.

Oh and by the way, it's good that your heart rate is low, as that's a sign of cardiovascular fitness! And apparently 90-120 is the target heart rate zone for burning fat, as opposed to glucose, which is why some people think that moderate exercise is better for burning fat than intense exercise.

Thanks for your comment, and the clarification on your entry yesterday. I guess it never occurred to me that anyone might not like pecan pie, as it's probably my favourite dessert ever! But anyway, you know you never have to explain things to me... I might accuse you of being overly harsh on yourself at times but I think I understand only too well how all those bites and slivers add up.

Oh and as for the plantar fasciitis, it doesn't surprise me that you have suffered from it also, as it's apparently quite common in runners, especially those who run on hard surfaces (and if I'm not mistaken, you're a street runner, like me, aren't you?). Most of the information I found on the Internet advised me to rest, but I know my husband has it all the time and continues to play basketball on it, and as his doesn't seem to be getting any worse I thought I would go ahead and do the same. And it actually feels better today so hopefully it will just go away on its own soon.

Anyway, good luck preparing for your race (I'm really looking forward to that too!) and good luck on your quest for balance - I am on the same quest these days myself, so maybe we can keep each other company along the way!


Umpqua on 11/22/2005:
That sounds like a really positive and sensible attitude Runner. 1800 calories is certainly a good amount - and I know I can coast along and maintain on that amount with only minimal exercise. So it's not fair that you should gain with all the hard work you do! I hope things go well with the Premarin, and it sounds like you have a much more positive attitude now anyway.


geevee on 11/22/2005:
Hi Runner,

I know what you mean about craving hummus. I had to resort to half a bagel w/PNB and a half w/cottage cheese to keep me away from the hummus I made today for Thursday. It's as bad as potato chips.

The secret to getting the blender to cooperate is to leave some of the liquid in the can of chick peas so that none is above the chick peas. You can always save what you decide to pour off and then add more if you didn't leave enough.

Once I left all the liquid in the can and learned that it was much too watery so I had to add another can with all the liquid drained. I ought to be scientific about it and determine exaaaacatly how much liquid is needed.

I can't wait for the hummus snacking to begin over red wine! What a nice combination.



Runner - Sunday Nov 20, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.5

I knew my weight might be up a bit, but I honestly wasn't expecting 2 1/2 pounds. Is that normal?

Really, if anyone doesn't deserve a weight gain, it's me! I spent the morning doing a long run with my husband (1 hour, 20 minutes), ate a small breakfast, and ate ONE PLATE OF FOOD at the Thanksgiving meal. I stuck to the veggies, a bit of stuffing, turkey, and some cranberry sauce. And although I indulged in a few desserts, I ate bites of everything instead of entire pieces. I do wish I could have passed up the bites of pecan pie and mincemeat pie, as they're so highly caloric, but I didn't.

After the lunch, I took a 2-hour walk and then didn't eat again until 7pm, at which time I ate a salad and a few bites of leftovers.

So I feel that my 2 1/2 pound gain is ridiculous. In the past, I used to be able to eat a big meal and basically "burn it off" throughout the rest of the day with a combination of exercise and very light eating. But I can't do that anymore. The weight just sticks to me and it will probably take me a week to get back to 116! Although I've come to grips with the fact that I'm not going to see the 113's and 114's again, it really bothers me how easily I've put on 5 pounds.

Everyone else at the dinner yesterday pigged out, and I doubt they got much exercise in, so was their weight up 2 1/2 pounds today?

I just don't understand weight gain/ loss anymore. I need a new plan, like BTC. I need a new strategy. I'm not trying to lose weight, necessarily, I'm just trying to maintain 115 for awhile!

The worst part is that I FEEL heavier and fatter. Go ahead and laugh, but two months ago I was weighing 113 on a good day, and 5 1/2 pounds makes a difference on a small frame!

maryk on 11/20/2005:
Runner, I've been reading your diary, and after this entry I felt that I had to comment. I, too, have consistently noticed a weight GAIN (however slight), after days where I had a hard workout AND ate well. Then, if I go for a few days without working out, the scale drops a little. I thought it was just my body being weird, but I have a really good friend who is a personal trainer, and her body does the same thing. She is an over-excersiser, in my mind, but last month she went to Colorado with her boyfriend for a week, didn't work out once, ate whatever she felt like, and although she doesn't weigh herself, she said that when she came back all of her clothes fit looser and she felt thinner than she had in quite awhile.

So, I think that there is definitely a link between heavy excercise/restrictive diets and slight weight gain. It works initially, but then backfires on you. I don't think that this happens in "normal" people (diet/excercise virgins). But, my friend and I are both recovered anorexics, and we notice this trend in our own weights. I also have another friend who is a recovered anorexic/bulimic. When she was getting over her eating disorder and in therapy she ballooned up (gained about 35 pounds). The next year in college we lived together and she was trying to get her weight back down in a healthy way. She ate SO HEALTHY and ran marathons but really struggled to get her weight down. Then, 2 years later, she threw in the towel, cut way back on the workouts, and relaxed with the eating. Guess what...she now has a body that everyone envies.

Well, Runner, I don't know you and I don't want to seem nosy and pushy. Just thought that my experience and the experiences of my friends might help you out a bit.


geevee on 11/20/2005:
Hi Runner,

You know better than to be upset about a blip on the scale. You know it happens all the time and usually for no explainable reason. I liked Mary's ideas. Could there be something to what she said? It's worth a try, right?


breakaway on 11/20/2005:
Hi Runner, how many calories do you usually consume? If you exercise ALOT like we know you do, you should be eating a little more so your body doesn't go into that starvation mode. If I remember right I thought you were eating pretty well. But you may want to talk to your doctor to see what he thinks. We all know that in order to lose weight while we are doing a lot of exercise we have to eat more so our body won't mind giving a little. I think fitday may help you figure out what your caloric intake should be when the exercise is added to your program but I can't remember. It's worth a try. Good luck!!


jolt on 11/21/2005:
Sometimes a new plan is just what you need... No one understands why our bodies did what they do... Maybe it wanted you to slow down for a week, or eat more, or drink more water... or... Who even gets it....

You can do this. hang in there! I am sure the 2.5 will come away quick.

hugs

Pat


sweetpea1977 on 11/21/2005:
Runner,

Maybe MaryK is onto something! It kinda makes sense to me!

Anyway, I am very proud of the way you handled yourself at the church Thanksgiving function!! Remember, this was the ONE meal you were worried about for Thanksgiving week. Guess what, you didnt go crazy with the food. You behaved around those American delicacies with no problem.

Im sure the 2.5 gain is temporary, due to the type of foods you ate over the weekend. You dont eat traditional American made food very often (you said two American women made up full calorie sides for the church function, right?), therefore, your body is going to react to new foods differently. Plus, you have to remember that your digestive system is slower than most people's, so it takes longer for your body to breakdown all that bulky food. Give it a day or two and you may see a downward trend.

Anyway, try to concentrate on the good behavior you practiced around the church function good. You were worried so about it beforehand, but you ended up succeeding with flying colors. Yay! And now, All you have left is your two healthy Thanksgiving feasts, which should be easy as pie!


Umpqua on 11/21/2005:
I also think MaryK is on to something. You exercise A LOT, and I exercise barely at all compared to you, and yet I'm able to maintain almost the same weight as you (and I think we're about the same size - I'm not quite 5'3"). Of course now it's catching up to me and I need to exercise more - and so I think you may need to exercise less! I honestly believe if our bodies become accustomed to the same thing every day (in terms of sparse eating and lots of exercise) they just don't operate as efficiently. I'm also experiencing that now - and need to kick myself in the butt and start doing pilates and yoga again to jump start my metabolism. Also, your weight is probably largely muscle and I'm sure you have a much lower percentage of body fat than I do - so there's less for your body to burn. I'm just spouting all kinds of theories here, but I've been thinking about this a lot - because people can be the same height and weight and look totally different in terms of size - AND have totally different lifestyles. I think maybe both of us need to moderate toward the middle to get back to where we once were.

Oh and btw - I know what you mean about 5-6 pounds making a big difference at our size. My clothes feel tighter and I look different with just a few extra pounds. I know taller people (like my 6'4" husband ie) can gain those pounds and not look any different at all!


borntocry on 11/21/2005:
Hi Runner,

Another person here intrigued by maryk's comment. You know, it had already occurred to me that it was when I decided to step up my exercise regime (running home from work, buying an exercise bike, working out every day instead of every other day) that I first noticed that I was starting to gain weight where I would normally have been able to predict a loss. It might just be coincidence, but as you said yourself, you need a new strategy... and let's face it, things are so bad now that they really can't get much worse!

And I can't believe you actually wish you had passed up those bites of pecan pie and mincemeat pie - how can you be so cruel to yourself? Don't you deserve a couple of bites of dessert every now and then? Your weight will be down again soon (and then up again soon, but that's a different story, and one I'm starting to know only too well)!



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