- Saturday Jan 15, 2005
What a treat to see 112.5 again...it usually only happens on a Saturday for some reason, but it sure is nice! I hope it lasts, even though I have two days of eating out ahead of me. (At least one meal a day). Those pills the doctor gave me for my bloating sure have worked well...I haven't been bloated since Wednesday!
Thanks for all the supportive comments. I've been writing regularly for DD's since February, 2003, so I've been here almost two years. It's comforting to have anonymity here...to be able to write about such personal things and to receive encouragement and support. I think I would just fall apart if anyone I know read my entries...my family wouldn't understand, and neither would most of my friends. They see me as being a "perfect" size, never knowing how hard I work to maintain my weight. Most of them haven't been around for the past 6 years, as I've ridden a constant emotional rollercoaster at times. I basically lost all the weight right after I graduated from college, so I left all my college friends behind and had to make new ones when I got my first job. Therefore, the people who have known me in the last 6 years have only known the "thin" me. Most of them are totally surprised when they learn that I used to weigh 40 pounds more. They don't usually believe it until I show them pictures.
Anyway...all that to say that I'm thankful I have this site, where I can express my frustrations and successes, and where I feel "connected" to people who struggle with the same things I struggle with.
- Thursday Jan 13, 2005
Finally, finally, I'm not as bloated today. The doctor gave me some anti-bloating pills, and maybe they're working already. All I know is that it was nice to see a number lower than 114 on the scale!
I ate pretty well yesterday, although I had two small cookies that I baked. (And some candy...it all adds up quickly, doesn't it?) I made "cake-mix cookies," where you just add 1 egg and 1 stick of butter to a cake mix and the cookies come out quite moist! I added raisins, chopped pecans, and chocolate chips to my cookies and took them to a meeting to share with the Chinese...they LOVED them. They ate them all, thankfully! I didn't want ANY leftovers!
Anyway, I've been eating well today so far. I'm going to a Japanese restaurant tonight, so I'm hoping I can stick to the Miso soup and sushi. Of course, that food is rather salty, so I'll likely be bloated by the end of the night!
In America, sweets are everywhere. In Asia, salt is everywhere! It's hard to avoid, as most foods are loaded with MSG or soy sauce.
- Tuesday Jan 11, 2005
I had another near-perfect eating day yesterday. With the exception of a handful of candy corns, I made smart choices all day long. Plus, I got in a 10km run and played basketball (with a bunch of guys) for over an hour. So I was still dismayed to see 114.5 (I first saw 115, but stepped on the scale again...) once again this morning. By now, I should know that it's my bloated belly. But I am just so frustrated that the scale continues to go up. It wants to say 115...I know it does!
I did go to the doctor today. He spoke decent English, which is a blessing! He did an ultrasound, but couldn't find anything abnormal from that. So I may have some sort of gastrointestinal problem. But he thinks that my bloating may be due to not having regular periods. So he gave me an injection of progesterone and said to see if the bloating goes down after I get my period. Then, I'll come in to do more tests, as he wants to make sure I don't have PCOS. I think this doctor will take me seriously...I hope so!
Thank you all for your supportive comments. I am concerned about bone loss and things like that...I was on Fosamaxx for awhile, which is usually given to menopausal women who are facing osteoporosis! But my bone density was awfully low, and the doctor thought it was necessary. I'm tired of doctors guessing that my lack of periods is due to running or my thyroid. I need someone to get to the root of the problem.
Borntocry---it was great to hear from you! I have been wondering how you are doing!!! Please update sometime and fill us in! We miss you!
- Monday Jan 10, 2005
Geevee, I think our bodies are in sync. I had a model day of eating yesterday, too, and my weight is up a pound today. Plus, I feel bloated again. What gives? I'm trying to notice some sort of pattern with the food I eat, but I can't nail down anything. I thought that salty foods might do it to me, but I ate salty curry on Friday night and was down to 112.5 on Saturday morning.
Aaargh. Plus, I have to go out to lunch today. I brought my own salad just in case I can't find anything else to eat there. Of course, if I'm hungry, almost anything looks good. So the trick is not to go out to eat when I'm feeling super-hungry. I should have a small snack before I go.
Tomorrow is my appointment with the doctor...maybe I can figure this bloating thing out...and maybe I can start to reap the rewards of eating well and exercising! It's completely crazy that my weight continues to go up when I'm doing everything RIGHT.
- Monday Jan 10, 2005
Maintaining 113.5...and that's after a salty dinner and some extras before bedtime. I made it through dinner okay. I had a pulled BBQ pork sandwich, minus the bun. (I hate buns...what a waste of calories!) I also had about 8 french fries and gave the rest to my husband. I went about 5 years without eating a single french fry, and even now, I have a hard time eating them in moderation. So if I immediately give most of them to my husband, then I just enjoy the few ones left on my plate and I'm fine. But if I try to keep them on my plate and then give him the "leftover" ones, there will be no leftovers...because I'll eat them all! So when my food arrives, I immediately give my hubby the food that I know I don't NEED. I don't NEED an entire serving of french fries. I don't NEED the bun on my sandwich, which I don't like anyway. To eat it is to eat unwanted calories...and I'd rather eat calories that I ENJOY!
I had a small bowl of cereal and some pudding before bed...probably 500 calories, which is about 300 too many. So I'm back on track today! No more 500-calorie "snacks." In my book, 500 calories is a MEAL. I should be aiming for 200-calorie snacks.
So far so good today! Although I'm starting to feel a bit bloated again...ugh!
- Saturday Jan 08, 2005
I'm finally back to "normal," at least temporarily. My stomach still bloats quite easily at different points during the day. I have an appointment at a good hospital on Wednesday just to make sure it's not something serious. I feel better, anyway, so that's good.
Tonight I'm going out to dinner with friends, so I plan to eat lightly all day until then. I want to enjoy a dinner out, not feel guilty the whole time. I hope they have some low-fat entrees, though...
- Friday Jan 07, 2005
I was 118 and still very bloated when I went to bed last night...and was back to 114 after my run this morning. My stomach is still a bit bloated today. The part that worries me is that my lower abdomen is just hard...harder than normal. (And it's not because I've been doing a lot of stomach crunches!) :)
I know that it sounds like I could be pregnant, but I just don't know how that could be possible. I haven't had my period for several years. (Except when the doctors put me on birth control). I don't ovulate. (That I know of). My estrogen levels are low. So my husband and I have never had to use any sort of birth control because my chances of conceiving are very small.
Since I'm only 26, I haven't been in a hurry to have a baby, so the doctors have just told me, "Come back and see us when you're ready." It's hard to find a doctor that will take my medical situation seriously. They assume that my lack of periods is due to my running regimen...and being thin. Okay. Maybe. But I also have complications with my thyroid (I'm on medication), my pituitary gland, and my hypothalamus.
So.......instead of just ignoring the regular bloating, bruising, and those missed cycles, I have decided that it's time to get a thorough checkup. Trying to do that in Asia will be hard...but there are some good doctors here...I just have to find them!
Sorry to bore you with the details. It's just that this week has been really tough for me...I hate to see the scale go UP, UP, UP after working so hard to get down to 113 pounds! And to see 116.5 for a short time yesterday was frustrating! Because I've eaten soooo well this week. I've only baked once, and I've eaten very healthy foods. (With plenty of fiber, veggies, and fruits).
And being bloated is just downright uncomfortable!
- Thursday Jan 06, 2005
I haven't seen this number since early August. I actually saw 116.5 when I first got up this morning, but was "down" to 115.5 at lunchtime.
I am wracking my brain for reasons why I have gained weight. I can't think of any. I am eating under 2000 calories and exercising for at least 2 hours a day.
The worst part is that my lower belly is very bloated. I mean, it's a permanent thing at the moment. I've been bloated for 3 days. I thought it was salty food, but I've been drinking enough water and have cut back on the salt in the last 48 hours, so it shouldn't be that. Plus, I know my body. This bloating is not from food, I don't think.
I did some research on the Internet and freaked out when I read about Cushing's disease. I'm not saying that I have it, but I sure do have some of the symptoms: bloated abdomen, bruises easily, loss of hair, loss of menstrual cycle...
Does anyone know anything about this disease? I mean, I am bloated fairly regularly, but I usually think it's because I live in Asia and everything is salty here. But maybe it's more...I am worried that my menstrual cycle has stopped completely. I do wonder why I bruise so easily. And I'm tired of losing my hair!
Sorry to complain, but I'm just frustrated that I've "gained" four pounds in one week! It's just not possible, since I know that I haven't been overeating. Usually I can pinpoint where I go wrong, but not this time. I should go see a doctor, but they're all Chinese, and it's just not that easy.
- Tuesday Jan 04, 2005
Grrrrr...why am I having such a hard time? Why is the scale continuing to go UP? It just doesn't make sense. I ate fine yesterday. Sure, I had some Korean food, but I stuck to the kimchee, turnips, some beef, and two small pieces of a fried pancake thing. (I left the majority of it on the plate). Maybe I'm still bloated from the salt. I don't know. It just isn't fair sometimes! After running in the morning and walking to work, I ate well all day, worked out at the gym after work, and took an hour walk with my husband AFTER dinner! So why can't some of that exercise cancel out the few hundred extra calories I consumed at dinner?
Maybe my body is just too efficient. I really don't eat that many calories. I usually do the "volumetrics" thing, where I eat a lot of low-cal, healthy foods. I try to stay away from starchy things and sugar...although I'm not perfect. However, I exercise more than anyone I know. I walk everywhere. I'm constantly moving.
I need a drop in the scale! My brain is tired of seeing the number creep upwards!
- Tuesday Jan 04, 2005
I'm still 114, I still don't feel good about it, and I'm still hungry. Aaargh!
It's not like I haven't eaten all day. Before breakfast, I ran for 50 minutes, and then I walked 20 minutes to work. Breakfast was 3 hard-boiled egg whites and about 2 cups of high-fiber cereal.
Lunch was steamed veggies with soy sauce, and an egg-white omelet with some ham and reduced-fat feta cheese. I also had 1/2 of a Dr. Soy protein bar. But I'm still hungry.
I have a meal out tonight, though, so I don't want to give in to the temptation to snack all afternoon. We're having Korean food, and since I'm not quite sure what that will entail, it may be another night where I come home fairly bloated and weighing more than normal due to the sodium retention.
I read an article in USA Today about how French women are thinner than most Americans due to their "enjoyment" of food. They don't eat as much processed food, and they take time to enjoy their meals. I try to do that, but it's hard, especially since I've trained my brain to count calories for 6 years now.