- Friday Oct 15, 2004
The candy corns are not at my desk anymore, but they're still in the office to be enjoyed by anyone. I am resisting. It's so hard...Becca, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who can shovel those things in my mouth.
I was hoping for a loss today, but I have a 1/2 pound "gain."
Even though life isn't fair, I really don't deserve it. I had company for dinner last night and was sooo good. I made 4 pizzas, salad, jello, Oreo pudding, and served Doritos. Everyone else pigged out. I stuck to salad (with fat free dressing), 2 small pieces of pizza, and my own sugar-free chocolate pudding with no Oreos. I skipped the jello, Doritos, and the chance to eat a bunch of fattening cheese.
But my weight was up. Man! I just can't win sometimes.
I get so frustrated when I watch skinny people shoveling Doritos into their mouths. The Chinese family of 5 that I had for dinner ate an entire bag of them. An entire bag! And they're all thin.
I may be thin, but I work my tail off to stay thin! I've been working out twice a day every day for weeks...yes, I do eat about 1700-1800 calories every day, but I think I deserve that, and frankly, I'm not going to walk around hungry.
Anyway, my race is this weekend, so the next 48 hours are important...I need to feed my body the right kinds of foods. I'm off to a good start today.
- Thursday Oct 14, 2004
The Chinese went crazy over the "dirt pudding." They kept staring at it...wondering if it was ice cream. They couldn't believe that the worms were edible. They ate it up so quickly that I was lucky to lick the spoon at the end. I also made a cake in the shape of a pumpkin (two bundt cakes stuck together with frosting), and I tried saving the "ends" of the cake (you know, the parts stuck on the plate after the whole thing has been cut) and when I wasn't looking, a skinny Chinese lady wandered over to the plate and started eating my ends! I said, "Hey, those are mine!" in a friendly, yet convincing tone. She left the rest of my ends alone and I got to try about 3 bites of the cake. That was enough for me. It was good and sweet!
So I made it through the party fine...until a co-worker gave me a tub of candy corns shipped to her from the U.S. (thanks to her grandma). For some strange reason, I crave those things around Halloween time...and I usually overeat them at least once, meaning that I feel phyiscally sick from all the sugar. I didn't eat enough to feel sick yesterday, but I still consumed a good 200 calories of pure sugar.
And I did the same this afternoon after lunch. Ugh. I mean, the first two ingredients of candy corns are "sugar" and "corn syrup." I'd never just eat a spoonful of sugar, but that's essentially what I'm doing with those things. Why do I like them? That is the great mystery.
I need to give the rest of them away before my weight goes up again.
- Tuesday Oct 12, 2004
Well, my joy over maintaining 113 disappeared this morning...Geevee, I was also up a pound and a half. I indulged in some fattening chocolate and other odds and ends yesterday, so probably my "small" indulgences have started to add up. They always do catch up with me...but I feel bloated, too, so maybe I'm retaining water for some reason.
I made a very large Oreo pudding dessert for a party today. I'm hoping it all disappears by the time I get around to "tasting" some. It will be interesting to see how the Chinese react to the dessert. It's actually that "dirt pudding" thing...and it really does look like dirt with the chocolate pudding, crushed Oreos and gummy worms in a large flower pot! The gummy worms are from the U.S., so they'll probably be very curious as to what they are.
Anyway, I want to stick to healthy eating and less snacking today. That's my goal. No more 1 1/2 pound "fluctuations" if I can help it!
- Monday Oct 11, 2004
Well, I'm back at 113, but the good news is that my weight has only fluctuated a 1/2 pound in 4 days. That's unusual...usually it's at least up and down a pound or a pound and a half. I like consistency. I like maintaining. I am fine with 113, as long as I'm not 114 one day and 112 the next day. That drives me nuts!
Anyway...I've been able to eat well lately and still indulge in a small piece of cheesecake the last two nights. There is a bakery here that makes real cheesecake (as good as you can find in Asia), and one of my Chinese friends brought me an entire cheesecake when I invited him over for dinner. I have managed to eat small pieces the last two nights, but I was afraid of losing control with the rest of it last night, so I put the last two pieces in the freezer. Hopefully, it will be out of sight, out of mind.
I keep saying to myself, "Eat to live, don't live to eat." I've made progress, but I still feel like I have a long ways to go sometimes...
On another note, my 21 km race is this Sunday. So I'm praying that my body stays strong and that I can get enough rest this week. I'm quite competitive, and I love passing these Chinese men who think that they're good runners. Ha! They always look amazed when a blond female is running faster than they are :) (okay, I'll stop now...pride goes before a fall, right?)
- Saturday Oct 09, 2004
It's the weekend again, so my weight is temporarily down a pound. I'm so predictable! It will be up again tomorrow, I'm sure.
Last night I enjoyed a real cinnamon roll for the first time in over a year. They don't make cinnamon rolls very well here in Asia! They taste more like cardboard and lard!
But this one was made by a foreigner, and it was so, so good that I didn't care about the calories. I hadn't had time to eat dinner yet, anyway, so I basically made that my dinner. Bad, bad, bad. I never usually eat like that, but I couldn't resist.
And I enjoyed every bite!
Today may be a bit of a challenge, food-wise. I have a church potluck, which I can usually do okay at, but you never know. Thankfully, I am in charge of making the big dessert, so I made something that I won't want to eat. (carrot cake again)
And tonight I'm having company, so I'll have to cook some more.
Everything always seems to revolve around food...church, work, parties, family. Food, food, food. It's amazing.
Well, I hope to catch up and comment on some more entries later today!
- Thursday Oct 07, 2004
Today was a really busy day at work, so I barely had time to think about food. Of course, I still ate all my meals, but snacking wasn't really an option. So I ate more for dinner than normal, but I was hungry. Oh, well. Life goes on!
Tomorrow I am flying down to the new city where I will be living in a month or so. My husband and I will be taken out to both lunch and dinner by Chinese people, so who knows what we'll get? Usually they over-do it with a 12-course meal or something ridiculous like that. I'll just pack a protein bar and some soy nuts just in case! I've learned how to slide food over to my husband's plate rather subtly when I just can't stand to eat any more oily veggies.
Oh---and I'm proud to say that I skipped the Diet Coke today! :) I may need one tomorrow, as we're leaving fairly early, and for some reason, I enjoy a bit of sweet caffeine in the morning. But we'll see.
- Tuesday Oct 05, 2004
Yesterday was a pretty good day. My company (all Chinese) loved my "American-style" food, and they just couldn't believe that my chicken-tortilla casserole had NO vegetable oil in it. I proudly showed them my PAM cooking spray and explained that I just use a little bit of it to coat the pan so I can fry the chicken breast.
They learned two things:
1. large amounts of oil are NOT necessary to enhance the taste of food; that can be done with the proper seasonings and marinades
2. not all American food is "unhealthy." IN fact, chicken breast is far healthier than chicken thighs or legs, which is what they like to eat!
I also made them a strawberry-banana sugar-free jello and stirred in a carton of banana yogurt, and they loved that, too. It's so low-calorie, but no one could tell.
And, of course, there was the carrot cake, which they gobbled up. (And which I avoided). Unfortunately, I did use a large amount of vegetable oil for that one!
Anyway...I wasn't perfect in my eating, but my weight has only continued to fluctuate about a half pound, so I'm not stressing out about it.
I have another habit that I need to kick, though. Growing up, my mom rarely bought soda (pop) for us kids to drink, so I rarely drank it until my 20's. Then, when I realized that diet pop had no calories and still tasted sweet, I started drinking one can about every other day. Unfortunately, I have continued that habit. The only diet soda available here is Diet Coke, which wouldn't normally be my first choice, but I like the sweetness. (And the zero calories!)
However, I'm sure that drinking 4 or 5 cans of Diet Coke each week does nothing good for my body in the long run...I've read some things about soda and none of it is positive. It's not like I'm drinking several cans a day...maybe one, if that. And it often takes away my sugar cravings. (temporarily) But I still feel "addicted," and I don't want to be addicted to any kind of food! (or drink)
Do any of you dieters drink a lot of diet pop? Does it help you avoid eating sweets? Do you recommend giving it up totally, or do you think it's okay to enjoy on a regular basis?
- Monday Oct 04, 2004
I managed to not freak out at the scale this morning. It was only a half pound fluctuation, so I didn't go crazy. Everyone who left comments made good points...things I will consider more seriously. I really should only weigh myself once a week. I'm just afraid that I will happen to weigh myself on a day when my weight is UP two pounds and then freak out...at least if I weigh myself every day, I can see the normal fluctuation, which usually helps me stay "on track" each day.
I'm having company over for lunch, but I made some food that I can enjoy, too. Dessert is a fattening carrot cake, but I won't have any. I made myself a small carrot cake using applesauce and fat-free cream cheese that I brought all the way back from the States! So if I'm really feeling deprived, I can have some of that.
I have more baking to do tonight, though. Some of my co-workers have "ordered" desserts from me, and since they don't have ovens, I offered to bake them what they want. I really should open my own bakery. Of course, that would also mean disaster for my figure, I'm sure.
- Monday Oct 04, 2004
I have had 3 full days of doing almost everything right. In fact, yesterday was about as perfect of a "food/ exercise" day I could have asked for! I started my morning with a 75-minute run, ate a healthy breakfast, skipped the church potluck food for my own healthy lunch, took a 75-minute hike with a friend in the afternoon, had a healthy dinner, and enjoyed a snack before bed.
After 3 hours of exercise and the right kind of food, I was hoping I would see that I at least maintained my "Saturday" weight. Nope. I was up a pound. For some reason, this really ticked me off this morning. Unfortunately, I got upset at my innocent husband, who has only been supportive through everything.
As he was eating his breakfast, which is double the calories of mine, I just got so upset...I was demanding that he agree with me that the number on the scale is complete craziness! In my mind, eating the right amount of calories, not bingeing and working out for 3 hours should do SOMETHING to the number on the scale! What would happen if I DIDN'T work out and I DIDN'T care about what I ate? I'd gain more than one pound, that's for sure!
Anyway, my husband just pointed out that my weight always fluctuates one or two pounds...and he's right...but I was mad, anyway. I just wanted someone to agree with me. But he thinks I'm too skinny, anyway. He would like me to gain a few pounds.
I apologized to him later and things are okay now. I really shouldn't have taken my frustration out on him. But this process of maintaining my weight is so hard. When I get down to 112.5, I want to KEEP the scale there. But it always just bounces back up to 113.5 or 114, even if I do everything right!
To end on a positive note, at least my weekend eating was controlled and healthy. I didn't "lose it" like I did a few times last week.
- Saturday Oct 02, 2004
I'm happy to report that yesterday was a good day! Whew! Even though my weight was 114 yesterday morning, it was down to 112.5 today. Gotta love those Saturdays! They're always good to me! But more important than the number on the scale is the fact that I ate good, healthy foods, allowing myself a small treat but not overdoing it.
Today has been fine, too, but I have a BBQ to attend tonight. I am in charge of the desserts, so I made a fattening dessert that I knew I wouldn't want to eat and a low-fat dessert that I hope turns out okay! If not, then oh, well. I don't need any leftovers!
Anyway, I usually do okay at BBQ's...as long as they have some lean protein! I'm not a fan of potato chips or salty snacky foods, so I can always pass those things up.
Thank you all for your encouraging comments. I honestly feel like you all are in the food battle with me...and that's comforting! It's nice to have some people on my side! :)