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Runner - Tuesday Jun 29, 2004

Weight: 115.0

Woah. I had a serious "sweet tooth attack" last night, and I wasn't prepared for it! I fell prey to a new trigger food. I thought I knew all my "trigger foods." For example, homemade brownies are a real trigger point for me. I can't just eat one. I also have to stay away from foods like fudge or moist cakes...strange, I know. I can sit and look at a Hershey's candy bar for hours, but as soon as someone puts a bowl of carmel apple dip in front of me, I'm a goner!

Anyway, I found some Nutella here, and I bought it for my hubby, who spent some time in Europe and got hooked on the stuff! Well, I didn't think it would be a big deal to have it in the fridge, because I usually don't like hazlenut flavoring much anyway!

But Nutella tastes more like smooth, creamy chocolate, and it is really, really good. Before I knew it, I was eating it out of the jar with a spoon! Yikes! To make matters worse, I had already had some low-fat ice cream with mangoes and some small cookies for my nightly snack! After I delved into the Nutella, I mentally calculated my caloric intake and estimated at least 800 calories.

In less than 15 minutes, I consumed 800 calories!

It takes me 90 minutes to burn off something like that with intense exercise! I love to exercise, but that's just NOT worth it! I don't have an extra hour and a half just to burn off all the junk food I consumed!

Anyway, now that I know I can't keep Nutella in the house, I won't buy it anymore. It's great stuff, but I'm a weak woman. I can be incredibly disciplined at times, but I don't like to keep foods around that are too tempting. When I weighed almost 150 pounds, I had no qualms about giving into temptation. And that is why I weighed 150 pounds. I much prefer where I am right now!

borntocry on 06/30/2004:
Hi Runner,

So... you've discovered Nutella! I can't believe you were eating it out of the jar with a spoon! When I was young, I used to have Nutella sandwiches. I still dream of having two huge slices of freshly-baked white bread with Nutella slathered between them - probably just because I would never dare to have something like that now. It's sad, really. You should let yourself indulge from time to time.

Thanks for the comments you left me. The first one was so long, it's no wonder I updated my diary while you were writing it! You have a point about the wedding dress - I think I have lost a bit of weight in my chest as well. It's annoying because I really don't have a lot to spare! I'm trying to do some exercises that are supposed to make it look bigger, like push-ups and bench-press type exercises. I don't know if they work but I've found that doing stomach crunches has made my abdomen look smaller and that helps make my chest look slightly less small by comparison, if you know what I mean.

Thanks so much for your suggestions regarding the wedding cakes and sundae bar. My boyfriend and I haven't decided what to do about the cake(s) yet but he loves the sundae bar idea! We've already made a list of all the toppings we're going to have. Thanks so much!


geevee on 06/30/2004:
Oooh, a Nutella sundae! SDounds delicious. I LOVE hazelnut. I wish you hadn't written such a tempting description. Eating it by the spoonfuls reminds me of doing that with condensed milk as a child.

The only way I keep disciplined is by keeping ALL that rich food out of my house. I WILL cave in and eat it if it's around! And I don't want to be 165 again!!! Constant vigilance is the only way.



Runner - Tuesday Jun 29, 2004

Weight: 115.0

Weight is holding steady. I've been super-busy at work lately, so I haven't spent as much time worrying about food. And I've managed to keep up the exercise, so I've felt good. I had a moment of weakness today, but I could afford it, since I didn't have much lunch. I had a good 3 tablespoons of Duncan Hines cream cheese frosting (the kind in a jar) with some animal crackers. Sounds like a crazy snack, but in a foreign country, sometimes things like that are just refreshing. Frosting from a jar. Animal crackers. I was really craving it!

kayla on 06/29/2004:
You ROCK! and I love cream cheese frosting!-Kayla


smiley2 on 06/29/2004:
I really admire you, you have lost so much weight, came such a long way and are still keeping it off, good going, you are one of my favourite diaries to read.

I have a question: Are u a US citizen working in Asia? are u planning to emigrate to Asia? Im just interested. Im a South African working in the US on a visa. My fiance is also South African and working here. We are not sure where we wanna settle down yet:) Well have a good day and hang in there, you are doin great!



Runner - Sunday Jun 27, 2004

Weight: 115.0

I think my weight is back to normal. Had a great vacation, and didn't overeat. In fact, sometimes it's easier to go on vacation because I'm not home to snack on the tempting goodies in my cupboards! I'm afraid that I'm going to gain a few extra pounds, though, because I've been put on some pills that often cause some weight gain. When I went off birth control, I lost the five pounds that had caused me so much stress for so many months! And now I'm headed back in that direction if I'm not careful. I'm so determined not to let the extra weight creep back on, but sometimes there's nothing I can do about it. It's just frustrating! My husband knows how much I hated being on birth control, and even though we're not ready for kids yet, I'd rather take the chance than go back on that stuff!

borntocry on 06/28/2004:
Hi Runner,

Thanks so much for your advice. It was so sweet of you to think of me on your vacation! You've been such a great help. I'm going to try to do the sundae bar as you suggested... I'll probably need to ask you for more specific advice about that a bit closer to the day! The toppings you mentioned sound fabulous - no wonder people still talk of it to this day! How did you present it, though? Did you need special containers for everything? I'm aiming for a laid-back atmosphere too, so I don't think it will seem out of place or anything. And I'm sure it will be a hit with the kids (although my boyfriend said that it will be the biggest hit with him - he doesn't like French desserts and is a great lover of ice-cream)!

I like your idea of doing several small wedding cakes as well. I hadn't even thought about a wedding cake yet! What kind of wedding cakes did you have?

Glad to hear you had a nice vacation. On my last weekend away I actually also found that it was easier to eat well because I wasn't lazing around at home snacking all day long!

I understand your concern about the birth control pills. When I first started taking them, at university, I gained about twenty pounds (really just five pounds if you attribute the rest to the "Freshman Fifteen" though!). But it all came off, you know. A couple of years after that I was still taking them but I was in my best shape ever (around 110 pounds, I think, although my weight has fluctuated so much, I can't remember exactly). If you're careful, I'm sure you can avoid gaining the weight to begin with. And look at it this way, if you don't take the pills and you become pregnant, you might gain even more weight!



Runner - Thursday Jun 24, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Those sweet binges caught up with me. Bummer! Plus, it's my anniversary weekend, so I am a bit discouraged going into it being up two pounds than what I was at the beginning of the week. My husband has a surprise get-away planned...so I know I'll have at least two meals out, and I really want to enjoy them. When I do enjoy a meal, though (and that only means eating what any normal person would eat), I always pay for it later.

I get so tired of packing my protein bars and hard boiled eggs when we go away. Sometimes I just want to eat, eat, eat. I still consume about 1800 calories every day, but I like to use vacations as an excuse to pig out. But if I do, I always pay for it later.

Well, food aside, I'm looking forward to a good weekend! I have a hunch we're going to a beach resort...which will be a great get-away! The big city starts wearing on me after awhile.

borntocry on 06/25/2004:
Aww, Runner, vacations are for having fun! And non-vacations are for paying the price! That's what it's all about. Have fun at the beach and don't worry about the weight. You'll get rid of later, you know you will.

Thanks for your advice on the caterers. I loved the sound of that ice cream sundae bar! Wow! I don't think any French caterers would do that but do you think I could set one up myself?? There are only going to be about fifty guests. It would be so cool!

I don't think there are going to be any other vegetarians aside myself but I just feel that it was so kind of the caterers to agree to make a vegetarian dish and also that even some non-vegetarians might appreciate something other than pure meat. I'm supposed to make my decision today but I'm sure I won't be able to, so I might be back with further questions involving salads and - your specialty - desserts!



Runner - Wednesday Jun 23, 2004

Weight: 115.5

I stayed away from the sugar and desserts yesterday. Small accomplishment, but it's something! And I felt much better, even though I ate a big bowl of cereal before bedtime and consumed probably 400 calories in one sitting. Ah, well. I love cereal. At least it's better for me than pure sugar! (I hope!)


Runner - Tuesday Jun 22, 2004

Weight: 115.5

Last night was a bad night. I was invited to a "desserts only" birthday party, and even though I managed to stay away from the majority of the desserts, I had far too much of the cake that I made! Go figure. Sure, it was low-fat and soooo delicious. But the frosting was basically pure powdered sugar, and I had way too many empty calories! It's been a long time since I've had so much sugar, and I felt really ill afterwards. I probably had up to 4 pieces of cake, since I cleaned out the pan afterward. (That's one of my worst habits...eating all the "extras" that are left over).

Anyway, I will pay for the binge...I always do in some way, shape or form. Maybe the scale doesn't reflect the extra calories right away, but it will at some point if I continue such ridiculous behavior.

I feel much better this morning and am off on the right track, but I want to stay far away from the sugar. It's too powerful.


Runner - Sunday Jun 20, 2004

Weight: 115.0

Overall, it was a good weekend. I baked like a madwoman yesterday for the bake sale, but I was with a friend, so I wasn't able to just sample the treats at my own whims! Of course, I was far from perfect yesterday...my pastor's wife had made my favorite chocolate chip cake for lunch, so I had a good sized piece of that! And I enjoyed very small bites of the treats that we made. But I hardly had any lunch or dinner, so basically, I used up my calories on sweets. Not good, I know. But today is a new day and we're selling all those treats so they'll be out-of-my-sight!

superstarr on 06/20/2004:
Runner, how is it that you can eat a big pc of cake, and then small bites of other treats, and STILL manage to be down a pound from yesterday??!! I hate you! j/k. But seriously, great job gettting the treats ready for the bake sale. I'm sure that everyone will love them. I made a cake myself last night and it turned out GREAT! PERFECT! well, I didn't eat any, but it sure did look pretty!

Hope the bake sale went well.


borntocry on 06/22/2004:
Man, I made a chocolate cake over the weekend too, only mine turned out terrible. It isn't my fault, though! I couldn't find vanilla essence anywhere and I was using an unfamiliar oven! I still had to have one slice, though. I felt sorry for the poor thing!



Runner - Thursday Jun 17, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Thanks for the comments, friends! Geevee, I just love it that you know what it's like to live in an Asian country! I could so relate to your comment! Sometimes I just crave things like turkey lunchmeat, fat free yogurt, and a big salad! Oh, man!

Well, I am definitely bloated today...weight is actually up two pounds, but I'm figuring at least one pound of it is sodium retention! :) As if I didn't eat enough salt at lunch, I managed to knock off a big bowl of low-fat popcorn, which I sprinkled with plenty of salt before bedtime. So I'm feeling a bit bigger than normal today!

I'm hoping for a disciplined weekend. We're having a bake sale on Monday, and I am in charge of making a number of the desserts.

Ugh. I'm so bloated!

borntocry on 06/18/2004:
That geevee has lived everywhere, hasn't she? I could totally relate to her comment as well, because I actually did become anorexic living in India! Everything there is served in a large pool of grease. It's strange how people manage to stay thin on such a diet...


superstarr on 06/18/2004:
Thanks so much for the recipe tips!! I printed it out and I'm going to try the pudding in the cake this weekend for Father's Day. My FIL loves chocolate cake!!! So, I'll make one for him. Sorry your feeling puffy! I hate those sodium filled meals cause the next day I feel like a stuff sausage. My feet even get all puffy! Hang in there, drink your water and you'll be back to normal in no time.

Have a good weekend.


geevee on 06/18/2004:
How about bringing a cheesecake or Key Lime pie for dessert? I'm usually a saint when it comes to not being tempted by desserts, but those two are truly my weaknesses and I give in every time!Come Christmas, it's a BIG problem.

At least you can get a decent pizza and probably a Subway, right? When I was in Shanghai there was: NO bread, rolls, sandwiches of any kind, NO cheese or any kind of dairy product, NO salad, THE vegetable was the spinach-type greasy veggie I learned to despise. The only available fruit was watermelon - lunch and dinner EVERY day. I haven't eaten it nor can I bear to look at it to this day, and that makes 20 years! On the way back we had a stopover in Tokyo where we found gigantic bowls of salad which everyone in our group had for breakfast! Dinner the night before was a banana split with three kinds of ice cream. The ice cream in mainland China was inedible. I'm telling you, I went nuts with diet issues so I know exactly what you're talking about. The only thing that got me through those two months was the cheap beer I'd drink every night - Tsingtao. It's really good! Actually I think it's the only thing I liked beside the huge prawns and the tofu in hot sauce that I'd have every night. I learned NOT to trust the description of the meats. If I could recognize the whole body, then I'd eat it which didn't leave me much of a choice except duck, fish and a pork chop. I can see how difficult it must be to resist baking your goodies. Stir-fry loses its appeal real fast when other non-fat options are not available. I think living in China cured me of ever wanting to eat fried food EXCEPT for Checker's fries and the Cuban specialty, tostones (fried plantains). In fact, I had them yesterday and again today which is probably why I'm up a pound. You have to put salt on them.



Runner - Thursday Jun 17, 2004

Weight: 115.0

Just when I thought I could get back on track, some of my students insisted on taking me out for Cantonese food. Here in Asia, Chinese try to impress their guests by ordering tons of food...and they even plunk food down on your plate before you can refuse. (If you refuse, they do it anyway!) So instead of my nice, low-fat lunch, I had a delicious, fattening lunch. I didn't overeat, but I know I still consumed a ton of calories because almost everything is pan-fried or drenched in some oily sauce.

Ugh. I love the fellowship, and I'm so overwhelmed with their kindness towards me, but it's almost impossible to eat healthy in some of the restaurants here. Ah, well. Such is life! I'm just ready for a break from big meals.

borntocry on 06/17/2004:
I know how you feel, Runner. Sometimes it just can't be helped, though. And one doesn't really want to be a spoilsport. At least you liked your lunch. It's even worse when you're forced to eat fattening food which you don't like. After a really big meal I sometimes just don't eat much for the next twenty-four hours. But I think I have quite a slow metabolism so it isn't too difficult for me.

Love your weight, by the way...!


geevee on 06/17/2004:
Oh! What memories your entry today brought back! I remember finally putting a spinach-type veggie between a napkin and squeezing out the oil. I just couldn't bear any more of that awful oil.

I used to recommend going to mainland China to friends who wanted to lose weight, but the situation there has changed so much, I don't think it still applies.

I think I might have been on the verge of anorexia when I was there. I would say things like, "Today I ate one slice of tomato, 6 peas, etc." What I REALLY wanted at that time was not available: SALAD, YOGURT, BREAD, VEGGIES not cooked in oil....etc.



Runner - Wednesday Jun 16, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Whew! I made it through the 3 parties in less than 24 hours! And I did well! I was soooo busy making all the food that I hardly had time to eat anything! And before I knew it, all the fattening food was almost gone! Wahoo! :) You can't eat what isn't there, right? I did have some tasteless Chinese cake today that was a real waste of calories, but I just felt like eating something around 3pm at the 3rd party because I was tired of behaving so well! :)

I plan to relax tonight. No more cooking or baking. I think I'll sit in a hot tub and read a book or something.

feeleebubs on 06/16/2004:
Wow! Three parties of good behavior! That's awsome. I love to bake. Yummy fresh baked goodies are one of my biggest weeknesses though lol I'm lacking your self control so I just can't bake anymore. I miss it.



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