- Sunday Oct 05, 2003
I tried to buy a scale today. It's been over 2 months since I've had one, so weighing myself has been very sporadic. And probably somewhat inaccurate at times. So I spent a lot of money on what looked like a quality scale...and found out that it was way off. It was one of those electric ones that give you specific digits in three different categories- pounds, kilograms, and stones. (What are stones???) Anyway, it doesn't work. It said three different numbers each time I tried it, and NONE of them were even close! It's a piece of junk.
Honestly, I am so disappointed.
So, I'll try to take it back, but returning items in a foreign country isn't very easy.
Hmmmm....maybe I'll just get a very cheap scale. I need one, though. It helps me stay disciplined. It also gives me headaches and frustrating mornings, but I need the discipline of knowing that I just can't eat whatever I want.
- Wednesday Oct 01, 2003
Thanks to those of you who commented on my diary! I really appreciate the encouragement and suggestions. It's nice to know that I can be honest about an issue and not be criticized for my feelings.
I was supposed to go out for lunch today with a friend, but I asked if she'd like to come over instead for salad and fruit and healthy stuff. She loved the idea! So I'm glad I bought lots of fresh veggies last night...a healthy lunch is so much better than the greasy fried food here!
One thing I need to cut back on is bedtime snacks. I like to eat something before I go to bed, because I think it helps me sleep better, but I often end up eating more than I'd planned...like 300 calories more. Last night, I had half a protein shake (with a banana and Oreo and small amount of p.b. added to it), and then I had some cereal and milk! I didn't need all of that. But once I get going, it's hard to stop.
So I want to keep my "bedtime snacks" to 150 calories or less. Hopefully I can learn to go without my snacks if I'm not hungry!
- Wednesday Oct 01, 2003
My weight IS up. I shouldn't be surprised. But yesterday and today have been better days. I did have a piece of cake today, but I also ran 6 miles, so I think I'll be okay. I still don't know how I gain weight so easily, though, with my workout schedule. I don't lift weights more than once a week now, though, and I used to lift daily. It's just too hard to get to a gym around here.
Okay, I have something I need to get off my chest. My co-worker who is claiming she is "not on a diet," but writes down everything she puts in her mouth and limits herself to very little food just came in to work at 4pm and said that she was "so hungry" because she "forgot her breakfast at home." Well, she was gone all day for business, so she basically hasn't eaten all day. I offered her a granola bar, which she took gladly, but I couldn't resist asking, "Didn't you get served lunch?" Her response: "I was too nervous to eat." What??? I don't ever recall being too nervous to eat...especially if I hadn't eaten breakfast! Is she TRYING to eat under 500 calories a day or something? This really bugs me. Her behavior bugs me. I think it's because I feel competitive with her. I enjoyed the piece of cake while she refused lunch. But her approach is not healthy. Not at all. I just have this intense desire to confront her on the issue. To let her know that I can see through her little "schemes." Because I can be a schemer myself! I know her tricks! And for some reason, I want her to know that I can see through her!
Of course, maybe she can see through me, too. But I wish I could just get these issues OUT IN THE OPEN.
Is this a weird problem, or can anyone relate?
- Monday Sep 29, 2003
I haven't weighed myself today. I don't want to. I really had a bad eating day yesterday. It started at lunch when I got into the peanut butter and just kept eating spoonfulls. And then I decided to make homemade granola bars for my co-workers, and they turned out a little dry. So I started eating them, without even tasting them, because I was so frustrated. For some strange reason, I tend to overeat when I "mess up" a dessert or something else I've tried to bake. It's like I can't deal with failing...so I keep eating and trying to rationalize that no one will eat them, so I'd better eat them. Anyway, after about 5 or 6 bars, I just threw them all in the trash. I'd had it. And then I felt sick and frustrated and ashamed that I slipped back into an old habit.
I realized yesterday how very weak I am. I need accountability...I need to set goals. I need to quit thinking that I am so strong, because I'm not. ANd I need to realize that I still have a problem...just when I think I've "kicked the problem," it returns full force.
I just want to eat normally. I'm such a contradiction sometimes! I avoid eating out with friends because I don't want to eat the "greasy food" they consume, and then I stay home and eat peanut butter and chocolate chips. Ironically, I eat less when I'm out with people...I seem to have more self-control! I just lose it when I'm by myself in my own kitchen.
Today is a new day. I'm going to do well. No extras.
- Thursday Sep 25, 2003
I can't read the food labels well here...for some reason, they don't do serving sizes like we do in America. Instead of showing the number of calories per serving, and knowing how many servings are in the package, they make EVERY single serving the same thing! 100 grams or something like that. Or 100 mL. Everything is measured in terms of the number 100. So, for example, I was checking the back of a cereal box, and for their serving of 100 g or mg or whatever it was, the calorie total was over 400! Basically, I have to figure out what their unit of measurement is (it's usually about 1/2 cup or something), and then try to figure out what the weight of the total product is so I can do the division myself and find out how many servings are in the product. Have I confused you yet? Because it sure confuses me!!! It makes life more difficult, and I don't bother even trying to figure it out sometimes.
Anyway, I found some "low fat" cheese, but just reading the label like we do in American makes it look like the cheese is full of fat! However, when I realized that their "serving" was 6 pieces of cheese, then I had to divide the number of calories by 6! It just takes more work on my part. At least I've learned to recognize the Chinese character for "fat." I can spot that one a mile away!
(Although I've already learned that mistakes are often made on labels...sometimes it's utterly ridiculous how they goof it up when they try to write it in English!)
- Wednesday Sep 24, 2003
Those two pounds are back. But I had a REALLY salty meal last night...way too much soy sauce and other salty sauces. Eating out in an Asian country means eating a ton of salt. So maybe I am bloated. I don't know. I know that I ate too much...but I'm doing okay today.
Still feeling a bit competitive with the friend who doesn't seem to eat much at all. When she eats only a hardboiled egg and granola bar for her breakfast AND lunch, I just feel like a royal pig. I eat so much more than she does. And it makes me feel guilty to enjoy my meals, even if they are healthy!
She probably has a slower metabolism. I just can't survive on 200 calories or so before dinnertime. I eat around 1000 calories by that time.
- Monday Sep 22, 2003
Well, I'm two pounds lighter on the scale, but since I have to weigh myself in the middle of the day with my shoes on at the moment, I'm not putting too much faith in those numbers. I still have yet to get my own scale...they all seem so cheap and unreliable here! (not to mention, they're in kilograms)
This weekend was a bit rough at times...my in-laws are here, and I feel like I have to go out of my way to cook good meals for them. And we're having company tonight for dinner, too. So I usually end up eating more than normal when we have guests.
I splurged on a McDonald's hot fudge sundae last night. Man, at least we have those here! Sometimes I just need something sweet.
- Friday Sep 19, 2003
Okay, the scale in the mail room put me at 119 today. Nothing is too accurate around here, but I shouldn't be surprised that my weight is up a bit. I've been baking up a storm...and sampling too many of my treats! Somehow I've gained the reputation as a good cook here...and I LOVE to entertain and bake for people. So I've made a cake, cookies, rice pudding, and other snacks for my co-workers this week. And with that has come a lot of extra calories. Ugh. I don't think about what I'm eating when I'm licking the spoon and bowl after I'm done making no-bake cookies. I don't think about how many extra calories I consume when I "just try one or two" pieces of cake "just to see how they turned out." And the calories add up. I know my weaknesses, and baking is just too dangerous for me most of the time. I need to be careful, or I'll slip back into destructive patterns and start to binge on a regular basis. HEADS UP, RUNNER! Be careful.
- Tuesday Sep 16, 2003
WEll, if I had lost a pound, I'm sure it's been gained back by now. Somehow I had a major sugar-attack yesterday, and I feel pretty yucky today because of it! It started with baking some low-fat chocolate brownie cookies. (My major weakness is brownies!) After eating quite a bit of the batter and two cookies, I decided to share them with the rest of the office. (Thankfully, they ate the rest of them!) Then, before bed, I had a McDonald's hot fudge sundae, and a lot of dried pineapples, which are just chock full of sugar! I also had some dried plums, and it was just too much sugar. It was SO not worth it...I hope I can remember how badly I felt this morning when I got up so I don't do that again.
- Monday Sep 15, 2003
I think I actually lost a pound! I was able to weigh myself this morning when I came in to work...although I have to be sneaky about it! Here's why: the only accurate scale around is down in the mailroom, where they mail big packages and stuff. It's kinda like a weight-room scale, and it's accurate to the hundredth digit. Since the unit of measurement is in kilograms, I have to do some converting, but my numbers tell me that I lost one pound! Anyway, I have to step on the scale when no one is around or looking, or they'd think I'm weird. But if I can weigh myself at least once or twice a week, I think that will help me stay sane...so I don't freak out if I eat lard! :) (See previous entry)
Some of you are wondering why I moved to another country---my husband and I both got jobs here. We're quite adventurous in our travels, and we figured that the time to see the other part of the world was now, before I have kids!