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Runner - Thursday Jun 12, 2003

Weight: 119.5

Had a good day yesterday...but still no change. It's amazing, really. I think my body must totally resist weight loss. I stay under 1800 calories, exercise between 1-2 hours every day, and I have been totally limiting my sweets and fats. Should I drop down to 1500 calories? I hate restricting myself.

In the grocery store this morning, I saw a lady getting a donut, and my mouth was just watering. I wanted a donut. I ran 5 miles this morning...don't I deserve a donut? Yet one donut seems to wreak havoc on my weight. So I restrict what I eat.

And I never see real results. Any weight loss seems to disappear within a day, and I'm back to 119 1/2. YOu know, I'd be happy there if I knew that I CAN lose the 2 pounds. BUt I obviously CAN'T. I thought I was doing everything right.

I know, I know, patience is a virtue. I need an extra dose of patience today, because I've been patient long enough. I just want to not worry about what I eat. But I doubt that will ever be a reality.

Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Hi new woman! (Actually, I liked the "old" you too!) Great pep-talk today!

Perhaps part of the challenge is also that you don't live alone? Dieting was SO MUCH easier when my daughter wasn't home. When someone else is in the house, you suddenly find food that you wouldn't normally keep there. And you end up eating at times when you aren't hungry (but they are, so you cook dinner). It ALL so much more complicated when you bring other people into the picture!

Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm suggesting divorce! Nope, I'm just saying that you and I will have to be tough! Our kitchens are no longer safe zones!

I like rice cakes too! Sometimes, for a treat, I toast a rice cake and put peanut butter on it. FYI, a dieter at work suggested that I toast rice cakes because it makes them more palatable. It's true! But what she didn't tell me was that they are incredible flammable. If it toasts even 15 seconds too long, it literally bursts into flame! I accidentally did this once and flames were shooting out of the toaster!! So beware!

I was thinking about the note you left me where you mentioned that you are on a sugar-fast to tame you sweettooth -- you know, perhaps I am taking the wrong approach to my diet. Maybe, if I stop the sugar completely, my sweet tooth will abate. Maybe having the jolly rancher sucker every day just keeps the damned thing active! Anyway, I'm now rethinking my approach.

Admittedly, I am getting tired of being disciplied PERIOD! I am on a diet, exercising, on a strict budget to pay off the cards and fastidious about housekeeping. Basically, I'm not much fun! I keep reminding myself of the rewards of this behavior, but sometimes I just want to chuck all of my idealism and go shopping (with a break for latte and shortbread!) I wish I could somehow turn into a Type A personality, where discipline is my middle name!

Take care Runner. And thanks for the pep-talk today! I'm going to try to get control of my roller-coaster emotions too!


superstarr on 06/12/2003:
Your exercising is very motivating!! I need to workout more for sure!!

Maybe you could try cutting out a few more calories and see where that gets you. Try 1600-1400. You don't weigh that much so maybe you need less calories to lose weight? Keep up the workouts though, it gives you a strong heart and a clear mind!



Runner - Wednesday Jun 11, 2003

Weight: 119.5

It was disheartening to see that I'm a pound heavier today than I was on Monday. I didn't weigh myself yesterday. I think I know why...I've gotten lazy already. I'm not on my feet all day long like when I'm teaching, and I tend to eat more when I'm home preparing all my meals than when I pack my lunches to go to school.

You know, I've come to the conclusion that giving up the freedom to eat whatever I want is harder than I thought it would be. FOr five years, I was very careful of what I ate. I hardly let fattening foods touch my lips, and I worked out religiously. I still work out religiously, but since I've been married, I've allowed many new foods in the house because I'm cooking for a man now.

I used to stay far away from peanut butter, real cheese, red meat, homemade cookies, etc., even though I had my weak moments when I overindulged on sweets and candy. But it seems like I've allowed myself to get lazy in eating snacks and bigger meals since it's so much easier to eat the foods when they're in my house. I can't just throw out the peanut butter and never serve my husband steak again...I need to re-learn how to eat smaller portions and under 200-calorie snacks.

I remember when I used to snack on flavored rice cakes. (I honestly like them!) Now, I snack on yogurt, granola bars, candy, cottage cheese, and sometimes all at once! It's not that my snacks are all that "bad," it's that I eat several of them instead of one! And snacks before bed have gotten terrible! Even if I'm eating low-fat ice cream, I love to crumble low-fat Oreos and fat-free carmel topping on it...and before I know it, I've consumed 400 calories!

It's so hard to cut back when I've gotten used to eating more. But what has eating more done for me? It's added over 5 pounds to my small frame, taken away my flat stomach, and sent me on this roller coaster of emotions where I find my thoughts dictated by what the scale says in the mornings.

So I've come to the conclusion that I need to eat less. I've known this for awhile, but I'm determined to stick with my plan. I'll still eat 5 times a day, but I'm aiming for 300-500 calorie meals, and 200 calorie snacks. That's a total of about 1500-1700 calories. I envision myself cutting back on 200-500 calories a day and losing these three pounds once and for all after a couple of weeks. Then I can maintain my weight at 117 pounds, hopefully.

I'm going to have my low-calorie protein shakes as one of my snacks and yogurt, carrots, or fruit as my other snack. I usually have no trouble eating a very healthy, filling lunch or dinner...but I BLOW IT when I start snacking.

So I feel in a way that I'm starting over today. I'm not going to fall off the wagon...I will have my moments, I'm sure, when I eat more because I'm around family or a special occasion, but I will be ready for that. I'll be careful not to overdo it on a regular basis so I can allow myself to enjoy some treats once in awhile.

I've definitely had too much of a good thing lately! And although I've enjoyed eating all the forbidden foods, I haven't enjoyed the toll it's taken on me emotionally.

I feel much better after writing all this. Just to keep myself accountable, I'm going to write down what I plan to eat today:

Breakfast (already eaten)- 350 calories of high protein and fiber cereal. One hard boiled egg white.

Lunch- turkey and fat free cheese on toasted whole-grain bread. An orange. Tomatoes.

Snack- carrots, two rice cakes, 1/2 cup cottage cheese.

Dinner- chicken breast in a low-carb tortilla. Veggies. 1/2 apple.

Snack- chocolate protein shake. 1/2 cup cereal.

There! I want to report tomorrow that I followed my goal. I'm tired of being very disciplined in every other area of my life and being sloppy in what I eat.

I'm a new woman today.

Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Hi new woman! (Actually, I liked the "old" you too!) Great pep-talk today!

Perhaps part of the challenge is also that you don't live alone? Dieting was SO MUCH easier when my daughter wasn't home. When someone else is in the house, you suddenly find food that you wouldn't normally keep there. And you end up eating at times when you aren't hungry (but they are, so you cook dinner). It ALL so much more complicated when you bring other people into the picture!

Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm suggesting divorce! Nope, I'm just saying that you and I will have to be tough! Our kitchens are no longer safe zones!

I like rice cakes too! Sometimes, for a treat, I toast a rice cake and put peanut butter on it. FYI, a dieter at work suggested that I toast rice cakes because it makes them more palatable. It's true! But what she didn't tell me was that they are incredible flammable. If it toasts even 15 seconds too long, it literally bursts into flame! I accidentally did this once and flames were shooting out of the toaster!! So beware!

Admittedly, I am getting tired of being disciplied PERIOD! I am on a diet, exercising, on a strict budget to pay off the cards and fastidious about housekeeping. Basically, I'm not much fun! I keep reminding myself of the rewards of this behavior, but sometimes I just want to chuck all of my idealism and go shopping (with a break for latte and shortbread!) I wish I could somehow turn into a Type A personality, where discipline is my middle name!

Take care Runner. And thanks for the pep-talk today! I'm going to try to get control of my roller-coaster emotions too!


Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Hi new woman! (Actually, I liked the "old" you too!) Great pep-talk today!

Perhaps part of the challenge is also that you don't live alone? Dieting was SO MUCH easier when my daughter wasn't home. When someone else is in the house, you suddenly find food that you wouldn't normally keep there. And you end up eating at times when you aren't hungry (but they are, so you cook dinner). It ALL so much more complicated when you bring other people into the picture!

Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm suggesting divorce! Nope, I'm just saying that you and I will have to be tough! Our kitchens are no longer safe zones!

I like rice cakes too! Sometimes, for a treat, I toast a rice cake and put peanut butter on it. FYI, a dieter at work suggested that I toast rice cakes because it makes them more palatable. It's true! But what she didn't tell me was that they are incredible flammable. If it toasts even 15 seconds too long, it literally bursts into flame! I accidentally did this once and flames were shooting out of the toaster!! So beware!

I was thinking about the note you left me where you mentioned that you are on a sugar-fast to tame you sweettooth -- you know, perhaps I am taking the wrong approach to my diet. Maybe, if I stop the sugar completely, my sweet tooth will abate. Maybe having the jolly rancher sucker every day just keeps the damned thing active! Anyway, I'm now rethinking my approach.

Admittedly, I am getting tired of being disciplied PERIOD! I am on a diet, exercising, on a strict budget to pay off the cards and fastidious about housekeeping. Basically, I'm not much fun! I keep reminding myself of the rewards of this behavior, but sometimes I just want to chuck all of my idealism and go shopping (with a break for latte and shortbread!) I wish I could somehow turn into a Type A personality, where discipline is my middle name!

Take care Runner. And thanks for the pep-talk today! I'm going to try to get control of my roller-coaster emotions too!


Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Hi new woman! (Actually, I liked the "old" you too!) Great pep-talk today!

Perhaps part of the challenge is also that you don't live alone? Dieting was SO MUCH easier when my daughter wasn't home. When someone else is in the house, you suddenly find food that you wouldn't normally keep there. And you end up eating at times when you aren't hungry (but they are, so you cook dinner). It ALL so much more complicated when you bring other people into the picture!

Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm suggesting divorce! Nope, I'm just saying that you and I will have to be tough! Our kitchens are no longer safe zones!

I like rice cakes too! Sometimes, for a treat, I toast a rice cake and put peanut butter on it. FYI, a dieter at work suggested that I toast rice cakes because it makes them more palatable. It's true! But what she didn't tell me was that they are incredible flammable. If it toasts even 15 seconds too long, it literally bursts into flame! I accidentally did this once and flames were shooting out of the toaster!! So beware!

I was thinking about the note you left me where you mentioned that you are on a sugar-fast to tame you sweettooth -- you know, perhaps I am taking the wrong approach to my diet. Maybe, if I stop the sugar completely, my sweet tooth will abate. Maybe having the jolly rancher sucker every day just keeps the damned thing active! Anyway, I'm now rethinking my approach.

Admittedly, I am getting tired of being disciplied PERIOD! I am on a diet, exercising, on a strict budget to pay off the cards and fastidious about housekeeping. Basically, I'm not much fun! I keep reminding myself of the rewards of this behavior, but sometimes I just want to chuck all of my idealism and go shopping (with a break for latte and shortbread!) I wish I could somehow turn into a Type A personality, where discipline is my middle name!

Take care Runner. And thanks for the pep-talk today! I'm going to try to get control of my roller-coaster emotions too!


Golightly on 06/12/2003:
Hi new woman! (Actually, I liked the "old" you too!) Great pep-talk today!

Perhaps part of the challenge is also that you don't live alone? Dieting was SO MUCH easier when my daughter wasn't home. When someone else is in the house, you suddenly find food that you wouldn't normally keep there. And you end up eating at times when you aren't hungry (but they are, so you cook dinner). It ALL so much more complicated when you bring other people into the picture!

Oh dear, now it sounds like I'm suggesting divorce! Nope, I'm just saying that you and I will have to be tough! Our kitchens are no longer safe zones!

I like rice cakes too! Sometimes, for a treat, I toast a rice cake and put peanut butter on it. FYI, a dieter at work suggested that I toast rice cakes because it makes them more palatable. It's true! But what she didn't tell me was that they are incredible flammable. If it toasts even 15 seconds too long, it literally bursts into flame! I accidentally did this once and flames were shooting out of the toaster!! So beware!

I was thinking about the note you left me where you mentioned that you are on a sugar-fast to tame you sweettooth -- you know, perhaps I am taking the wrong approach to my diet. Maybe, if I stop the sugar completely, my sweet tooth will abate. Maybe having the jolly rancher sucker every day just keeps the damned thing active! Anyway, I'm now rethinking my approach.

Admittedly, I am getting tired of being disciplied PERIOD! I am on a diet, exercising, on a strict budget to pay off the cards and fastidious about housekeeping. Basically, I'm not much fun! I keep reminding myself of the rewards of this behavior, but sometimes I just want to chuck all of my idealism and go shopping (with a break for latte and shortbread!) I wish I could somehow turn into a Type A personality, where discipline is my middle name!

Take care Runner. And thanks for the pep-talk today! I'm going to try to get control of my roller-coaster emotions too!



Runner - Tuesday Jun 10, 2003

Weight: 118.5

I did pretty well yesterday, although I had about 300 calories in candy by the time the day was over. I'm staying away from it today. Totally away. I love fireballs and bought a big bag of them...they're only about 20 calories or so and last awhile, so they are fun to eat. But I don't need the candy every day.

You know, since I was home for lunch yesterday, I had many more options of things to eat...and I did a bit of staring into my cupboards and fridge, wanting to just binge on whatever I could find that is normally considered "off-limits." I used to do this more often, especially when stressed, because I temporarily felt better. But yesterday I was quite relaxed and just couldn't bring myself to dig into the peanut butter or chocolate or cookies. It just didn't look as tempting as it usually does! It was a small step in the right direction for me, I think.


Runner - Monday Jun 09, 2003

Weight: 118.5

For the first time in about 6 weeks, I am under 119 pounds on a Monday! I'm not going to try to analyze why it could be...I'm just going to be thankful!

Today is the first day of summer vacation for me. I'm planning to have a restful summer until the school year starts again in the fall. For the first time in 8 years, I'm not working at all...how strange it will be! I'll probably get bored, but I'm going to enjoy the extra rest. I usually eat better in the summer, too, because I'm less stressed.

My goal is to lose 1 pound this week and 1 next week and then to maintain my weight between 116-118 pounds.

dolyda on 06/09/2003:
enjoy your summer vacation! :D


Smiley2 on 06/09/2003:
Hang in there, uve almost got it made girl! Wish i was u, im at 127,38, u have any idea how long it took you to came from the 130's to 110's?

Good luck!


Silhouette on 06/09/2003:
Looks like you're very close to your goal weight..congradulations:) Enjoy the summer!


Golightly on 06/10/2003:
Hi Runner, just checking in on ya! Wow, a pound lost ... you've only just stopped working and you are already seeing a loss. Good for you!

I know what you mean about boredom. A few years ago I took 8 weeks off in the summer. I was so looking forward to a long break! At first, I was so happy. By week 5, I was starting to feel really bored. By the end of my vacation, I was relieved to go back to work!

My newest attempt at curbing my sweet tooth is sucking a Jolly Rancher lollipop after dinner. It's sweet, lasts a long time, has lots of flavour and is only 50 calories. I wish I could just quit sugar altogether! But I love it so...

Enjoy your vacation!



Runner - Friday Jun 06, 2003

Weight: 119.5

Yesterday was a so-so day, food-wise. I splurged on an ice cream sundae with a student who I have worked with throughout the year. We had a great time together, but I think I'm paying for it today with the extra weight. What a bummer. It's too bad that enjoying food with another person can lead to a depressing number on the scale.

BUT, on a good note, today is my LAST day of school!!!!!! I'm off for the summer! I hope I don't stress-eat as much this summer...I shouldn't, since I doubt I'll be as stressed! It seems like there are always more occasions to eat in the summer, but I usually stay pretty active.

Anyway, I'm tired of battling the same 3 pounds. I'm going to lose them for good!!!!!!!!!

Golightly on 06/06/2003:
Hi Runner! I've popped into the office before showing up for jury duty (the case is still on-going). I thought I'd check in on you!

I've lost a little more weight but I'm eating TERRIBLY! They feed the jury at the courthouse, and it's all crap -- cookies, donuts, muffins, burgers ... and, of course, I've been eating the free food! I've been working out longer in an attempt to counterbalance it all, but I'm really getting worried! I actually can't wait to get back to work and my salad routine!

You must be so excited to be finished the school year! I hope you get lots of sleep and exercise! I'm sure you'll start to see a difference now.

Runner, we are going to have to find a way to control our sweet-tooths! Sugar is my biggest downfall...

Take care!


superstarr on 06/06/2003:
Last night on the way to pick up my dad at the airport I had to have DH stop by McDonalds so I could get an ice cream cone!! I was so craving one. I hadn't had one since I was pregnant! And I felt so guilty about it afterwards! I don't understand either why eating treats with friends/family, something that is so enjoyable, leads to such anguish and guilt! Not to mention high numbers on the scale! =(

I hope you have a great weekend and enjoy your summer off! It will be a great time for you to get focused acheive your goals!



Runner - Thursday Jun 05, 2003

Weight: 118.8

Well, after my one good day, I had one BAD day. (So I didn't weigh myself this morning).

During our staff potluck, I indulged in a brownie, piece of cake, and the filling of several cream puffs. As if that wasn't enough, I took some cream puffs home and ate the filling out of more of them. (I only like the filling). Then I had some candy. Ugh. I didn't eat dinner until 9pm because I was tired of eating junk. It's amazing how badly I feel after consuming a lot of sugar...don't you think I'd learn my lesson???

There are cream puffs in the lounge again today, but I'm staying away from them. Far, far away.

I read an article last night about reflexology and how certain spots on the foot can be massaged to help a person lose weight...hmmmm...anybody heard anything about this? I'm figuring it has something to do with being less stressed, which causes a person not to "stress-eat."

dolyda on 06/05/2003:
oh you were very bad (but that DOES sound very good! :D )...stay away from the cream puffs!!!....i don't know about the whole foot thing...there are supposed to be points for all sorts of things...i LOVE my feet rubbed & am lucky enough to have a b/f that doesn't mind rubbing my feet...as much as it happens, i should be thin & in perfect health if the foot thing were true!!


Nichole_130 on 06/05/2003:
Thanks for the congrats! :) As far as being hungry during the day, not at all! Once your body gets used to burning fat instead of carbs, it actually alleviates hunger. I feel far less hungry because I am not feuling on that short-lived sugar fill. You know what I mean? And I am the type of person who is hungry ALL THE TIME. But yet, I am not anymore! This way of eating is supposed to curb your sugar cravings too. Very true. But of course I do crave chocolate sometimes. If I do, then I eat Atkins peanut butter cups. They are actually good. And I found out last night Russell Stover now makes low-carb chocolate. I am one of those people that if things taste a little bit funny, I won't eat it. I couldn't drink diet drinks because I knew they weren't "real". But I realized certain diet drinks taste the same and give me my sugar fill, and the chocolate honestly tastes the same! I love it! :) Good luck with your sugar battle!!!



Runner - Wednesday Jun 04, 2003

Weight: 118.8

I did it! I finally had ONE GOOD DAY. No desserts, no peanut butter, no scale...and no deprivation! I enjoyed my healthy meals, had a chocolate mint protein shake before bed, and felt really good about myself!

I went on a "Prayer Walk" last night with a friend from church. We walked through town and prayed for over an hour! It was a really neat experience...I sure didn't feel like shoving food in my mouth after that!

Today is a staff potluck. Already, the goodies are coming in. I made a 5-layer sugar-free jello with fat-free evaporated milk mixed in with 3 of the layers. It's low-calorie and very colorful, and at least I'll be able to enjoy that! I really want to do well today...no sneaking cake between classes or something. I hate it when I feel like I need to be all sneaky about my eating. I want to break that habit.


Runner - Tuesday Jun 03, 2003

Weight: 120.5

This morning I decided not to weigh myself. So I didn't. Itwas tough, but I'm tired of being discouraged. Unfortunately, my pants felt tighter than normal, so I still felt badly. I guess I'm still a little discouraged, because I've been writing in this diary for 4 months and have only gained weight. I seem to lack the discipline I need to cut my calories. I've tried so many tricks...chewing gum, brushing my teeth, and I drink water like a fish! But I have such a hard time saying no to snacks. I'm done with school after Friday and looking forward to summer. I seem to eat more when I'm teaching because of stress...I tend to be very relaxed in the summer.

I just wish I could have ONE GOOD DAY. Today is going to be that day. No dessert, no peanut butter, no shoving low-fat snack foods in my mouth. Just healthy whole grains, protein, fruits, and veggies. I'm going to do it!!!!!!!!!!

Golightly on 06/03/2003:
Very interesting theory about the fat fairy! I almost almost afraid to visualize what she looks like!! LOL Seriously though, you really should forgive yourself for Monday's weight, since you had such a hectic, food-filled weekend!

I really think that this summer you'll see some loss. You will be away from all those tempting snacks and have lots of time for exercise. And no stress!

Take care!

UPDATE : Thanks for the suggestion... Last week I went for bloodtests and they are going to check all sorts of problems, including my thyroid. I don't have a follow-up appointment until June 19th, so I'll be left in the dark until then! My daughter says the hairloss isn't noticeable, but I'd swear my ponytail is looking thinner!


creepybird on 06/03/2003:
ugh peanut butter is a killer isnt it i have this horrible habit thats been passed on to me by my father who is on atkins/low carb he always eats peanut butter by the spoonful. He gets these tubs of it. and at first, i was like ugh, gross.. and then i decided one day I wanted a spoonful and now i cant shake the stupid habit. trying to convince myself that the "protein is good for me" - lies all lies LOL



Runner - Monday Jun 02, 2003

Weight: 120.5

First of all, I had a wonderful weekend...the wedding for my sister went sooo well, and I had a great time at all the graduation open houses. Yes, I did enjoy some really good food, and the scale is probably reflecting that, but I have this theory about Mondays.

I think a "fat fairy" visits me on Sunday night. The reason is, I am ALWAYS about 2-3 pounds heavier on Monday morning than I am on Sunday morning, even if I had a bad Saturday! It never shows up until Monday. I think the fat fairy just likes to try to discourage me at the start of a new week, and for the past 5 months, she has!

However, this morning was the first morning that I weighed so much more than normal and DIDN'T cry...I DIDN'T pout...and I DIDN'T argue about it with my husband. I just looked at the dumb scale, realized that it was Monday and it will change by Friday, and decided to take a much more positive outlook on my week. I know that I won't be eating like I did this weekend. And I know that I'll probably go back to 118 1/2. At least, I hope so!

I just don't want to continue to go up...

Blasted fat fairy!!!

momof3gr8boys on 06/02/2003:
Ahhh - we must live close to each other - that same dang fairy visits me on Sunday's too. We probably have the same problem - I ususally eat pretty much how I want on the weekends and like you it drops back down by the end of the week. Great attitude though - that will make a lot of difference - glad you had a great weekend!



Runner - Friday May 30, 2003

Weight: 118.5

I almost had a great day yesterday...but I bought some dried cantalope and ate far too much of it! Man, that stuff is great, but it is chock full of sugar! On another note, I am back to what I weighed last Friday, so maybe I'm back on track. I hope so. I also hope food isn't too much of a focus this weekend. I'm so excited for all the events!

Golightly on 05/30/2003:
Looks like the weight is finally going in the right direction! I know what you mean about those dried fruits ... I love the dried mango. Better than candy!

Have a really great weekend. Sounds like you have lots of fun activities!


Beth 201 on 05/30/2003:
I have never had dried cantalope. It does sound good. Well you have a great weekend. Beth ;)



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