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Stellastarr - Tuesday Oct 08, 2002

Weight: 253.0

Hello Again! It is not quite noon here on the west coast, as I am beginning this entry. The first part of the day has just been great. I was home from my walk before seven this morning. I walked the same distance (2 miles) but put a little more into it. I am ALREADY remembering how I did this last time :) It was so much excited momentum! Being so encouraged to try things by the group; that thrill of getting back here to tell about it; and, then the encouragement leading me to do more... try for more. To say that I have the weight of self-recremination for letting go of all the results of those efforts is an understatement; I guess you know that. But, I know better than to just crawl into that hole. It is a new day and in a way I am starting from a better vantage point this time around? Before, I didn't really believe in myself because of past failures at weight loss. This time I am my own resource for a success story, because once I lived it. So, although to so many of you, it might look entirely bleak to be 253 pounds as I am, I want to just challenge you to stay with me, as I will be with you.

suzinh on 10/08/2002:
Hello there! Thank you very much for your comment today -- I know how rough it can be. I am actually at the lowest weight I've seen for a few years - bouncing up and down like so many others. I found a new determination and new strength this time -- I may fall off, but I get back on - it may take me an hour, a day or a week, but I come back to my plan and I start again. I think that has been the biggest change for me, and a signal that I can do this! Beautiful NH indeed! Our leaves have begun to turn and my yard is awash in the golds and reds that I admire so much! I so enjoy my walk these days because of the scenery, it makes it so much easier to get out there in the mornings (even mornings like today, when it was 42 degrees!)

I look forward to finishing this journey with you (one final time!)

~Suz


starlight on 10/08/2002:
It is so good to see you back. I have changed my name twice :( after failing the first 2 times i was estrella_niu when i read your entries almost a year ago. But I'm succeeding this time and have lost 25 lbs so far. You know, I have tried hard in the past and thought to myself, if I can't do it this time, I will never be able to do it. I was wrong. At that time yes, I was trying hard and was really motivated, but now its different. There is NO doubt in my mind that I will lose weight. You can do it too. It doesn't matter how long you have been off track or how much weight you've gained. I had to gain about 60 lbs to get as serious as i am about losing weight. Now I would kill to be at the weight I was before when i thought I was fat. But you know what. I will be at that weight again. This site has grown even more and there so many wonderful people here. Stick with us, we'll be here for you. It makes all the difference. I also hope you can make it to some of the chats. That would be great. If you ever want to talk the email I use is Misscallysto@hotmail.com take care Kim


SoccerMom on 10/08/2002:
Can it be???? That our own dear StellaStar is back with us! How you have been missed, dear friend ~~HUGS~~

Glad to hear you sounding so positive...and YES! We will be here for you, every step of the way, to encourage your participation in a healthier lifestyle. Of course, you may have to return the favour and occasionally offer the well-placed boot to our back-sides, as well!

The job was interesting, and almost fun, yesterday...today was so boring (nothing to do!) that I would have paid them to let me go home. I think I'll like it, when things are more busy.

Anyhow....so glad to see you back again! ((HUGS))


Soon2BThin on 10/08/2002:
Sorry I missed your entry yesterday. I am so glad you're back with us. You were sorely missed. I know I can tell you not to be so hard on yourself over and over but sometimes we are our own worst enemies, right? We've all been there and we all beat ourselves up from time to time but it's time now to just look ahead and enjoy the journey, okay? It's good that you're back walking again, I remember you enjoyed that before and it makes you feel so good, doesn't it? Feel those endorphins again, huh? I'm with you, friend. Looking forward to seeing your progress and hearing about your daily life again. Have a great day!


kyrin on 10/08/2002:
Hello there! You got out and about and got your exercise commitment out of the way. I'm proud of you! ...and am sitting here feeling a bit guilty myself. I put off until tomorrow what I should have been doing today. I took a nap and then had a good time reading through cookbooks until I caught inspiration and came up with a dinner plan...my answer to eating what I am craving. Lately, I make something yummy to eat. It makes me wait to eat, and I only have a set amount. This seems to be working for me as I am feeling the pull of my old fall baking routine. So, I'm doing what I love, with modifications. ...I promise that I <i>will</i> in fact get those old exercise shoes on in the morning, choose a workout video, and get going.

I'm so very glad that you have returned! You never really thought of yourself as an exercise inspiration, but I looked forward to your words after your morning walk. Your entries were always full of the sights and sounds that you encountered during your day...made more vivid because you had made your morning trek. The feelings of success were helping you to see things more positively. It works that way...that nice after-exercise sense of perception. You did (and do) inspire me to be just a bit better, to try just a bit harder. Thank you, Stella! I love the folks here. But I think I'm looking forward to the journey again...now that you're back.

(((HUGs!!!)))

Kyrin


pezzy34 on 10/08/2002:
Where on the west coast are you? I'm up in Washington! You can do this and 253 isn't bleak at all! I was 240 in June of 2001, and even though I have hit a plateau to end all plateaus it is still a lot better than I was! Anyway, if you promise to keep up the walking and maybe even aim for 3 miles eventually I promise to get up early tomorrow and do an aerobics tape and go for a walk. Sound like a deal? BYE! Love, Jenni


Crittermama on 10/08/2002:
I'm here for you and with you Stella!! As best I can be anyway. Limited resources might make it better for me, huh? We'll see when I find out just how limited they will be.


herb on 10/08/2002:
Nephews name is Krispin, with a K not a C. Don't ask me where she got the name. I've got to ask her someday. At least it's not Conner or some other popular name that will be pass´┐Ż in a couple of years. I did research on the name, and there was a Saint Krispin, the patron Saint of shoemaker.<P>

Yes Krispin married Robin Mc"Donough, and at the moment they are Funnymooning in Disney World for a few days, then they'll be driving to New Orleans.<P> Do you remember PastaGal, she lives in Northern California, and takes care of her Mother-in-Law at home. Well she had another tragedy a couple of weeks ago. Her son was in a very serious auto accident, and hasn't been around lately. I worry about her. The last entry she made was on September 30.


pezzy34 on 10/09/2002:
Sequim eh? WOW! I'm in Port Orchard! I go out to the game farm every year! GROOVY! I'm not hungover anymore and I have sworn away from Tequila... which means it will take ANOTHER year or two before I forget how awful it makes me feel until I'm dumb enough to do it again. LOL It has been 2 years since I've had a party and now I recall why! HA! Anyway, get up tomorrow and walk girl! I'll be up at 6:45 doing that dang aerobics show... OR I'll learn how to program my VCR so that I can do the show later in the day! What a concept eh? Okay, here is to making Wednesday a perfect day! E mail me tomorrow night and tell me how you did! jenni@hardparts.com Love, Jenni


Baylee on 10/09/2002:
Hello Stellastar! I see that you're a former member, just returning. I'm new here as of Sunday. I love to walk also, but do to a hip and knee problem I never know if or for how long I'll be able to walk each day. I have an appt. made to see what can be done about it.

I was at 261.5 pounds a couple of months ago, and started to cut down and had lost 5.7 pounds, then joined Weight Watchers on Sept.,3rd. weighing in at 255.8 pounds. I was down to 241.2 on the 27th of Sept. But, I had some really bad days for a while last week, and to top it off, I didn't go to my meeting last Friday because my car was in the body shop. So, I have gotten myself back on the straight and narrow this week, and hope to join you and the others in this journey. Welcome back, and I'll be seeing you around on the board. Baylee


Crittermama on 10/09/2002:
Don't worry about prying. Most of the things in my life are written right here in my entries. All I mean by that is 2 weeks ago my husband lost his good paying job. If he gets his unemployment I'm not going to worry. But until then I'm almost the sole income (he still has his National Guards once a month and is currently in Arkansas for a shooting competition that I hope he is getting paid for. He always got paid more being away than he did at his job). He's been out job hunting while I've been working more overtime that most people can imagine. I make a little more than half what he was and we have a house, 4 kids to feed, we just bought a van when his was stolen a month and a half ago and we have to make payment on that, and other things that need to be taken care of. So that's what's been going on. If I don't enter on a week day it's because I worked until very late and didn't see the boys and am just too tired. I have to get up early in the mornings to be at work, too. So that's it in as short a version as I could get it. If you have any more questions feel free to ask. God bless.


CharlieAngel on 10/09/2002:
Dearest friend: How wonderful it was to log on to the diaries and see that I had a comment from you! You have been dreadfully missed by me. This struggle to regain ourselves on this journey of weightloss seems to me to be never-ending. I, too, seem to be a standstill for several months. Although I am faithfully committed to my exercise routine...food, and its lure, continue to be my nemesis. Thank you so much for coming back to us. Please e-mail me anytime....send me your snail mail address too...since you have moved. I am proud of you for all that you have accomplished since you left us and know that you can regain any ground that you have lost! Love you! Charlotte


Beth on 10/10/2002:
Is it really you?? Well, I think I speak for us all when I say that we have continued to think about you since you've been gone. You have so many friends here, and we've all mentioned your name a few times in your absence. So glad you're back.

I've been here on and off, trying to figure out what I'm doing, what my true goals are.

I look forward to reading your entries once again.


butterf;y21373 on 10/11/2002:
It's great to see you re-inspired!!! We are all there with you!! Hugs! Karen


Maria7 on 06/13/2003:
StellaStar, I've been gone a while but am back and would sure love to see an entry from you again or hear from you...Hope you are doing okay. I used to LOVE to read your writings...I think you could be a book author easily, you write so interestingly! (061303)



Stellastarr - Monday Oct 07, 2002

Weight: 253.0

Hello my dear old Friends, and New!

Today I have decided to try and regroup.... recapture that magic that I knew for the ten months I was with the group last year. From March through December I was inspired and energized to lose 75 pounds. It was so life affirming. Other aspects of the same life were in trouble though; slow recovery to health from an auto accident, gross financial worries being unable to work, fear, fear and fear of the unknown. I found the courage to file for divorce and then the courage to see it through; moved away from the man that I did and do respect (and care about still) into an apartment in the same town. I remain working on the issues of caring for an alcoholic... I have gone through the Social Security Disability process and been successful.... However, I have regained since late December, every single hard won pound that I lost :( It is not a huge surprise because I have been a wreck and unable to focus and then there is my basic nature of passivity. When I was weighed a few weeks ago and the number was spoken, I realized that it was the same as that first day that I first logged on to dietdiaries in the depth of depression in realizing my highest weight. In these last weeks I have been trying to put a plan together for a successful remake of the old remade me.... did you get that? :) I have a close friend who is supportive and an eating plan that I think is reasonable, I have begun walking again in ernest, and....... that leads me to you. Let me in, okay? I will be reading up on everyone now; catching up with familiar names and learning about the new ones.

traya on 10/07/2002:
Welcome back!!! A lot of people here have been wondering and worrying about you! Tammy :-)


BandMom on 10/07/2002:
Welcome back! I have missed you.Hugs and smiles,and open arms.Bandmom


herb on 10/08/2002:
Welcome back Connie.


kyrin on 10/08/2002:
Hey! <i>You did it!</i> I'm soooo glad that you're back. We missed having you at chat last night! Although your name was spoken often in your absence, it would have been wonderful to have had your loving presence there.

You are officially let back in. You were indeed missed!!!!!

I'm glad to hear that you have taken up walking again. That seemed to be the one constant that helped you conquer those pounds the last time. You can do it again. I believe in you! Do <i>you</i> believe in yourself?

I'm wishing you successes, gal! (((((Many Hugs)))))

Kyrin


Crittermama on 10/08/2002:
Welcome back, Stella!! I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been good for you. I do remember that you were having problems before. Things haven't been the greatest at my house but God will see us through. I am so glad you are back among caring family. We will be here for you the same as everyone has been here for me and all the others here that have needed encouragement and advice. I hope you will stay with us now, no matter what. God bless.



Stellastarr - Wednesday Mar 27, 2002

Weight: 0.0

nsbratt on 03/27/2002:
Just stopped to say good morning and to tell you I will email you over the weekend with that info on the points system, you have a wonderful day and I'll catch you lighter, lol.

Norma Jean


Maria7 on 03/28/2002:
Hope you're doing okay....miss ya!!!!!


kyrin on 04/05/2002:
<font color=green> Hello, Stella Starr! I dropped back in yesterday (April 4th) and found that you have resurfaced as well...well, mostly. You seem to have disappeared again. ...Anyway, Charlotte mentioned that it is your birthday on Monday, so I will wish you well now...and tell you that I have missed you (bunches)! ...and that I am really looking forward to spending some time with you here at DD this spring. You are planning to stick around and get with the program again, we hope. Yes? {grins}

Love you. </font>


BandMom on 04/09/2002:
Hi Miss you and wanted to wish you a happy birthday a day late sorry about being late! Come back PLEASE. Here a hug. Love like a sister. BandMom



Stellastarr - Tuesday Mar 26, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Hello! I am back and onboard with everybody, yet I can't make a very interesting report YET. Last night my friend, Kathy stayed overnight and today we are visiting and so I can't be private with my Diarists. Take good care today and have courage with our shared goals. See you later.

callysto on 03/26/2002:
Have a good day with your friend! :) Kim


CharlieAngel on 03/26/2002:
Enjoy your visit! Am eagerly awaiting your report! Have a blessed day dear heart! Love, Charlotte


pinkuspettuty on 03/26/2002:
I picture a warm and connected day with your good friend. Hope it was so. Love Pink


pastagal on 03/26/2002:
Have a wonderful day with your friend kathy,,,its a beautiful sun shiny day here today in northern calif:}} take care connie;}


Crittermama on 03/26/2002:
I'm so glad to see you back and you sound so cheerful! God bless.


kallie23 on 03/26/2002:
It's great to have you back with us!! Have fun with your friend..

Hugs, Kallie


SoccerMom on 04/05/2002:
Oh my gosh! Is it reeeeeaaalllyy you?? I have missed you! I asked several times if anyone had heard from our dear Stella, and I thought you'd disappeared forever. I'm so glad that you've come back!

Drop in more often....and have a great weekend.



Stellastarr - Sunday Mar 24, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Hello! It is going on 5:00 P.M. here in the Northwest and soon time to think about making dinner. This has been a fine day for me. I've appreciated reading your comments to me (you know who you are :) and GOSH! Does that make a difference or what??? And, I was a water-drinking fool all of yesterday and today (which is about the FIRST thing that I dropped when I left the Diarists :( And, I haven't felt like eating extraordinarily, which is SUCH a blessing. Tonight exHusband is having fried chicken and I am NOT! I don't like dark meat and he doesn't like white, so it is our habit to buy thighs and breasts anyway. Tonight I am going to panfry mine in a little olive oil spray and have a prize-winning green salad with chicken pieces in it. You know, I am feeling "safe" again somehow; here with you and not trying to show-off :) in the world pretending that I don't need Diarist encouragement. Thank you, Everybody. Tomorrow I have a first appt with a COUNSELOR. I am a bit stressed, (talk about ISSUES!) yet I am happy about it. I made an appt to meet her and I had lots of questions for her and I think that she is a good person, you know? She is warm and encouraging and when I looked at her office decor I found signs of a similar spirit to my own (I did not mention that, hoping not to SCARE her! So, that was about a week ago and now it is time for a REAL appt. It is in the afternoon and tomorrow evening I may write about it here. I hope that everyone's weekend was somehow extra renewing and/or exciting. And, I hope that when morning comes, most of us feel the world's embrace. You have mine.

herb on 03/24/2002:
To put a turn on Gilbert O'Sullivan's song of 1970. I say "Back again, naturally."


SweetChubs on 03/24/2002:
Hi! Best wishes for you appt! Are you going by yourself or for couples therapy? I'm sending prayers of inner peace and health your way!


angel22 on 03/24/2002:
Hey! I'm soo glad that you have gotten back on track! You're doing really well. My mom made some shake and bake chicken tonight, kinda like fried chicken, but not. LOL. I put mine over a salad too and it wuz great! Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. My weekend wuz great and i hope yours was inspirational! Keep up the good work and have a great day tomorrow! :) Smile becuz you have the comfort and support of all of us on here :) Keep the faith in yourself~*angel*~


Crittermama on 03/24/2002:
I think it's great that you are seeing a counselor. They can help a lot in sorting out your innerself and working through a ton of things. Good luck at your appointment. God bless.


callysto on 03/24/2002:
I am so happy you are back. While you were gone I thought about you a lot, hoping you would return. You are an inspiration to everyone, and I'm glad more people can get to know you now. I hope seeing the counselor goes well for you tomorrow. If you ever need anyone else to talk to I'm just an e-mail away. Have a good night, Kim


CT on 03/25/2002:
Thank you for your comments on my diary. I am glad to see you return to the DD. I hope everything works out for you :) Good luck with the counselor, sometimes I wish I could afford one! I believe we all could use a couple sessions ;) --Christine


pinkuspettuty on 03/25/2002:
YES!!!! I hope you have found someone who's ear is tuned to your spirit!! You deserve every last second of being heard. I am excited for you. Why would you be afraid of yourself, sweet Connie. We are all a patchwork quilt of traits, experiences and affect.Yech. That souynds too clinical but I hope you know what I mean. I am so with you. My walk was pretty good. I was the cranky one, but I seem to be feeling a bit beter today. I did find some words to tell John what I needed to hear. And even though he tells me he's h eard it all before from me and even though he has tried to say these things before, they must have gotten through a little bit yesterday. I can be such a Brazil nut sometimes. Love and friendship, me


Tubby on 03/25/2002:
Hello, dear New Friend!

After going back and getting to know you a bit through your diary entries, I feel as though I know you like an old friend.

And you know what...You'll make it through these 'issues'. I have no doubt!

Lift yourself up because you are more than worth it and MAKE what you WANT to be your reality.

Tubby

PS: BTW, PR and advertising IS my thing! Should we call you Miss Cleo or something?


CharlieAngel on 03/25/2002:
CONNIE!!!! You snuck back on here while I was gone! Let me just say that I had this vision of us running towards each other on the beach and hugging really tight and bubbling over with laughter and tears after finding each other again. I missed you so much and have so much to share. Mostly though I missed you and your tender loving spirit. Hopefully we can give some of that same support to you. Hope your visit with your counselor is all that you hoped for. Will definitely write more later but for now let me just say Thank you for trusting us enough to come back home. You are one of the center cogs in my universe. Don't ever forget it. Love to you! Have a blessed day. Charlotte


InnerPeace on 03/25/2002:
It is great to see you here, posting again and imputting your great encouraging words. I come and read everyday, but I haven't found the confidence in myself to start posting again, because of my failures, that seem forever continuous. I hope your counselor is the help you need. I have tried before, but couldn't make a committment to myself to try to improve.

Good luck with your renewed journey. I'm so glad you are back. I usually learn something from your words. Jo Ann



Stellastarr - Saturday Mar 23, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Well, I'm back at it. YES. I've put my today's entry in my own "comment" section of YESTERDAY's entry. I was crying and all else while writing it and it is just too much to redo here, so if you get in the mood to read it, you will find lots of it there. Sorry. I don't have a computer. I use a webtv unit and I don't think that I have the capability of changing it over.... or that type of cut and paste.

SweetChubs on 03/23/2002:
Heehee! I'm glad I made you want to eat some veggies! Veggies are full of wonderful gifts for our bodies. I have been blessed with a tummy that only likes small quantities on food at a time. I am not a good investment at the all you can eat buffet! I'm just glad that you are back. Your perspective on issues is so refreshing! It helps me to balance out my GRRRRR!, take charge and conquer attitude. Warm hugs!


pastagal on 03/23/2002:
I read your entry and you had the power to over come alot back then and you will again,and if you need our help,hey thats what we are here for,,to help each other through anything that is asked of us,,i am surprised to here your back with hubby,how exactly is that going for you? I can understand tho the need to stay with him ,it is a place you were ok with most of the time and knew how to handle the rough moments for the most part,,but please rememeber,,YOU have to do what is best for YOU and you are a much stronger person than you EVER gave yourself credit for,,anyway,,,glad your back and starting fresh,,,Have a wonderful sat connie;}}}


angel22 on 03/23/2002:
HEY! I read your entry and i wish you the best of luck! I hope you have a great day and have fun with the homemade salsa. I have never been married, i'm too young, so i can't even imagine what you went through in that situation, but i know you can succeed and reach your goals! Keep the faith in yourself and keep up the good work:) ~*angel*~


Soon2BThin on 03/23/2002:
I'm so glad you're back, Stella! As for the "exercise challenge", I left that in the dust myself long ago, I think back in January, haha. Oh, well, we try, right? And I keep leaving and coming back here. I really have no pride left, haha. But, as everyone has said, we all are in the "same boat" so there's plenty of understanding here for you. I'm looking forward to hearing about how you're doing, you were always so interesting, you know. I hope you're feeling better, having gotten all your thoughts off your chest. We certainly all do that from time to time. You take care and keep coming in, okay?


MichelleP on 03/24/2002:
Hi,

Welcome home, I was not here when you left but wanted to welcome you back. I was able to read your entry today, and we have a great deal in common. I dont embrace change, I dont like it even if it is for the best. The weight issues for me is a good example. Until I came to terms with a very tragic event in my life, it had never really mattered to me. I still have a long road ahead. I look forward to watching your progress and giving you cheers with each step you take.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend!



Stellastarr - Friday Mar 22, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Hello precious Diarists, I am sitting at this keyboard and screen on the very very very verge of recommitment. I haven't done very well on my own these last months. I have wanted to jump in again, but the saga of inertia that has become my life heightened feelings of embarrassment and failure. I have missed my old and familiar friends and I greet the new ones. Gosh, I need help.

kallie23 on 03/22/2002:
I have to recommit myself everyday!! You just need to take it one day at a time. We are here for you. If you make a mistake, don't be to hard on yourself..just recommit and keep going.

I hope you have a good weekend!!

Kallie


RareDiamond on 03/22/2002:
Stella, I've missed you so much. There is no need for embarassment, we all take breaks everynow and then. We are all here for you and I am glad you are back to help me. We all build off of one another. Welcome back! And I look forward to reading your journal and doing whatever I can to help you.


callysto on 03/23/2002:
I am so glad you are back! I went away as well, but came back as callysto. I used to be estrella@niu. Well, anyways, I'm really happy to see you here. We missed you so much. There are a lot of new wonderful people here you need to get to know. Hope to read more of your entries soon! Kim


pastagal on 03/23/2002:
<font color=red>Stella,,,,how wonderful to see an entry here from you,,,i hope you will continue and get back to telling us all about whats going on in your life these days,,,you have been missed and we have alot of new ones here that would love to read your entries and get as much out of em as all of us use to:} I to took some time off and have only been back about 13 days now,i started fresh and feeling much better about me and things,,,well will look forward to hearing more and i know this place gave you lots of comfort and motivation,you did great weight wise while here;} so Get back here for good ok:}}


nsbratt on 03/23/2002:
I have missed you so GIRLFRIEND, WELCOME BACK. I sent you little ecards hope you got them ok.

You have nothing to be embarassed about, we all get lost in the shuffle of life at times and need to start over.I know I have!!!

Don't let yesterdays mistakes stand in the way of tomorrow's successes!!!!

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Norma Jean


Crittermama on 03/23/2002:
Welcome back Stella. We have missed you. You well know that you don't need to be embarrassed with us and that we are here for you always. Please do start again and do it for you. You know that we are here for you to offer all the help we can. You were a help to us when you were here before. We will help you and would like you to be back with us. We know that you can help us as well. Please come back and stay around. We love you. God bless.


pinkuspettuty on 03/23/2002:
Does it mean anything that we should come back on the same day? I have been feeling so crummy lately. I don't even know what it is all about. Midlife inertia? Doesn't feel right to stack it all up to permenopause. I hope we can both find something useful back here at DD. I know I need something, but what is it? Glad to reconnect. You have never been far from mind. Let's try to find our power. Pink


BandMom on 03/23/2002:
Hi and I'm here to help you too. Ilove this dd I feel so much love and support here. Here is a big hug. BandMom


SweetChubs on 03/23/2002:
SAGA OF INERTIA!!! how I have missed you stellastar. No need to be embarassed. Lots of us have taken leaves of absence (like myself!) But I came back (22 lbs heavier than when I left but now a nonsmoker) There is no need to feel like you've failed! Welcome back!


shellybelly on 03/23/2002:
Hey! I'm one of the new ones, but I've heard A LOT about you. I hope ya choose to stay. I know a lot of people miss ya. Have a great day! :)


stellastarr on 03/23/2002:
Thank you SO much for the cards and letters, Diarists :) Changing names and faces and sheer NUMBERS of us greeted me when I logged on here yesterday, but it remains true that the spirit and energy that I recall remains intact. And, as ever, a beautiful gift. A beautiful gift. I was writing last night after the day was kind of put down, yet when I awoke on this one, I felt that old "feeling" :) You know, when a person finally gets the strength and desire for positive change at the same time, it is powerful, isn't it. Don't laugh, but I was just thinking that it is akin to beginning a new love affair! Everything, every step, every chore, every effort seems somehow more do-able.... more attainable, even the most far reaching dream. So, my little lovers, I am feeling just fine about each one of you :) Pinkus wrote today that she was setting her goal for a walk with her husband and dog to be a POSITIVE experience. I read that to mean that she was planning to separate it from the ordinary. While it is natural to discuss the business of the home and stuff about the kids that is best discussed while alone, that she was going to consciously use her exercise time to clear her mind and heart of weight, not add more weight it. I really was moved by that. We all try to be a lot like cheer-leaders for ourselves when we exercise: "I can do this; I can do this; I am almost through doing this....". It is beautiful, isn't it to think of that element of conscious joy? A quiet and dear joy to celebrate self nurturing... Maybe I will try that for a few days. As enthusiastic as I am today, perhaps I will not beat myself up in my haste to get it off the ground. Maybe I will just love my body and the space I take up and attack it all from a kinder place. Maybe. Thank you, Pink, for that gift today of quiet power. AND, Chubs made me so hungry for a veggie fest (Sorry, Honey, I know you weren't feeling that great afterward.... I don't know what kind of sick woman would actually get HUNGRY reading about another's pain :( ) that I decided to make a giant bowl of homemade salsa. Yesterday Albertson's grocery was featuring Roma tomatoes and yellow onions and garlic heads, all for ten cents apiece and I just bagged up a bunch. Today I will use that as kind of a reward. To reiterate (boring.....:( my situation here remains that I have almost no privacy. To explain briefly to my new friends, I somehow found the courage to divorce last fall, but I haven't yet found the courage to actually MOVE. First I was waiting for this (and it came); then I was waiting for that (and it happened). And now there is really no financial nor emotional attachment to exHusband to hold me, but I am discovering that fear of change is a more powerful glue than I ever imagined. I lost an unusual amt of weight beginning just about this time last year. I learned how to walk EVERY day, TWICE a day and need it and want it and love it. Then over the Christmas holiday spent with family in another town, looking things over for a move, I noticed that I felt frightened. I came back "home" to exHusband fairly CRAWLING.... with the same issues remaining, but now having lost EVERY advantage I had won, I just started slithering around like a worm and returned to the ways of my original depressed-woman self. I want to be about empowerment. Thank you for reading me if you have lasted this long. Some things never change, I guess :)



Stellastarr - Tuesday Jan 08, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Maria7 on 01/08/2002:
Missed hearing your comment today, Connie...hope you are doing well...hope you don't leave us again...you are such an inspiring, beautiful person! Love, Maria


Maria7 on 01/09/2002:
It is Wednesday.....WHERE ARE YOU????????????????????????????????? Do you want me to cry????????? Love, Maria


Beth on 01/12/2002:
Boy...been a long time since I've been around here, huh? I'm glad to see you're still around and doing well. I'm going to go make an entry, talk to you soon!


Maria7 on 01/12/2002:
Saturday afternoon...thanks for writing me...it is good to know you are okay and still visiting even if not doing entries...I hope you are having a good day. Thanks again for writing. Love, Maria


eshanklin on 01/17/2002:
hi stellastarr :)

thanks for the comment--a friend and i just started using the diary a couple weeks ago. we're using it more as a tracking device so thats why its so uninteresting... no specific food plan, trying to do lo-carb with small frequent meals. i added info. to my bio to make it more interesting, but then i noticed your bio is about as interesting as mine was :) in any case, it was nice to see your comment--take care and happy dieting (whatever)...Emily


Maria7 on 01/19/2002:
You've been gone 12 DAYS!!! (it's Jan 19th, Saturday) and we miss you and it is time for you to leave your gardening and come back to us and do an entry and let us all know how you are doing...because we all care about you and love you! Love, Maria


Beth on 02/16/2002:
Missing you....


Maria7 on 03/02/2002:
I miss you, Stella! Please email me to let me know you're ok to my yahoo email. Love, Maria It is Mar.2nd.


breakaway on 03/11/2002:
Hi Stella, It's March 11 today and I see that Maria has been giving you some lectures here huh? It's great that she gets after you! She's such a caring person. I have decided to come back and get restarted now that I have gained almost all of my weight back from my little break I have taken. I hope your back on soon. I don't want to do this without you! Your one of the people I have always looked up to here and your a such a wonderful helper. Hope to see you back here soon. Sure hope nothing's wrong! Have a wonderful day Love, Carrie



Stellastarr - Monday Jan 07, 2002

Weight: 186.0

Hello my dear Diarists! Quick as I must be about it, I am here to greet you, read you and let you know that I am in pretty good shape. Still feeling strong within myself and for us as a group. I will tell you stuff tomorrow :)

CharlieAngel on 01/07/2002:
I am waiting with bated breath...glad to hear you are feeling strong! Love you! Charlotte


Jelly Belly on 01/07/2002:
Thank you so much for writing her and talking to her. Gosh, is this just a continuing theme for women everywhere? I'd like to give her a good shake and shout-WAKE UP! But I know from experience that you have to live it and survive it yourself. Thanks for being a good friend. Yes, I'm a secret cynical social worker in disguise! I can dish it, just can't take it myself!


noshie on 01/07/2002:
Look forward to "stuff" tomorrow. I wanted to say thank you for the last comment you left for me. Thank you!!!! You are an inspiration to me, you truely are. Take care and have a wonderfull day! Love ya


halley on 01/07/2002:
Glad to see you are hanging in!


RareDiamond on 01/07/2002:
I look forward to your entry tomorrow. Hope all is well.


kyrin on 01/07/2002:
I've been wondering when you would drop in again. I thought maybe you had picked up stakes and moved. Knew that things were kind of up in the air... Not worried though, as long as you're okay.

Hugs!

Christy



Stellastarr - Friday Jan 04, 2002

Weight: 186.0

How are my friends? I miss you. I've kind of been waiting for something to "happen" until I made my entry. I just have non-news still at mid-afternoon; so, I guess just getting here is more important than getting here with a big scoop :) Weather-wise the day is medium, I am medium and activities around here are medium. I ate berries with low-fat eggnog on them for breakfast dessert after my regular oatmeal :) For lunch a fresh-cracked crab cocktail and a smackin' good apple. For dinner I am using one large roasted porkchop to make a lentil-tomato-potato Indian (Eastern) dish that I used to make with coconut milk, but enjoy now substituting that for chicken broth. My twenty-minutes were spent on that piece of equipment that I do not know the name for. It is like "air" walking? It isn't mine, but I did it while my neighbor used her glider deal. BOY! I really don't sound like a "workin' out" woman, do I. I'd better get some of this stuff memorized before I start the next big narrative on it, do you think? :) The "Y" thing is not coming together for me as I thought it would. Things are unsettled here, as you know. Or DO you?! I guess I've never really explained it all, but it is a situation in a flexible state. It is day by day and is still working on this day..... Who knows things about bare root roses and the planting tips and all of that? I mean from a person and not the nursery folks.... Love

SOU812? on 01/04/2002:
Just wanted to say "Hi" and ask you what's in that Indian dish? I love Indian food, I grew up on the stuff. Please e-mail me your recipe. romankevkel@home.com. Thanks and take care.


pastagal on 01/04/2002:
Well what is the big news your waiting for,,?Is it just me ,,but you don't write like you use to,,your entries are shorter these days,,anyway,,hope you have a wonderful evening and weekend connie,,,and sounds like things are going fine for you there with your X.and that is good to know;}


pinkuspettuty on 01/04/2002:
Hey girl, I would like to hear the ramblings of your mind about what is going on with partner......I may have to go see someone about my ankle. I keep thinking it is better and then it is not but it hurts somewhere slightly new each time....I thought we might share love of kitties...Phoebe was a love. I will miss her terribly but she had a good life and she brought me much joy. Take care honey. Pink


Beck on 01/04/2002:
Just stopped in to say hi! Your diet is looking great, I wish i could cook!

Have a great day,

***Beck***


nsbratt on 01/05/2002:
Well where is our Stella and what have you done with her!!lol,It is always great to hear from you you don't need to wait for the big scoop, I will say that I miss your walks and how you wrote about everything,I truly loved your long entries but I am glad that you are exercising (even if you don't know what machine you are using)it is just so nice to know that you are doing okay, keep up the good work and let us know if there's anymore plans on that book you were going to finish,if you don't have anything else you could always give a page from that kind of a continued story thing,just kidding,just as long as you write no matter if it's 1 word or 1000 we love you and like hearing from you.

YFA NJ


RareDiamond on 01/05/2002:
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. Looks like you are doing great! I miss reading your comments.


halley on 01/05/2002:
Glad you can workout with a friend - sounds like fun!


Maria7 on 01/05/2002:
Yes, our governor has declared a state of emergency...we've had 2550 accidents here in S.C. with this ice and snow (total, according to the news on tv). Daughter had one last night but thankfully was not hurt, just shaken up. I think I'm ready to say goodbye to the beautiful snow because of all the ICE accompanying it...and they say on the tv that we may get MORE ICE tomorrow! Your talk of roses has me looking out the window at my rose bushes surrounded by a white blanket of snow. I did cover the lemon tree, though. Hope you have a nice day today (It's Saturday morning). Love, Maria


Maria7 on 01/05/2002:
Missed hearing from you today (Saturday), Connie..hope you've had a GREAT DAY! Love, Maria



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