Hello Again! It is not quite noon here on the west coast, as I am beginning this entry. The first part of the day has just been great. I was home from my walk before seven this morning. I walked the same distance (2 miles) but put a little more into it. I am ALREADY remembering how I did this last time :) It was so much excited momentum! Being so encouraged to try things by the group; that thrill of getting back here to tell about it; and, then the encouragement leading me to do more... try for more. To say that I have the weight of self-recremination for letting go of all the results of those efforts is an understatement; I guess you know that. But, I know better than to just crawl into that hole. It is a new day and in a way I am starting from a better vantage point this time around? Before, I didn't really believe in myself because of past failures at weight loss. This time I am my own resource for a success story, because once I lived it. So, although to so many of you, it might look entirely bleak to be 253 pounds as I am, I want to just challenge you to stay with me, as I will be with you.
Hello my dear old Friends, and New!
Today I have decided to try and regroup.... recapture that magic that I knew for the ten months I was with the group last year. From March through December I was inspired and energized to lose 75 pounds. It was so life affirming. Other aspects of the same life were in trouble though; slow recovery to health from an auto accident, gross financial worries being unable to work, fear, fear and fear of the unknown. I found the courage to file for divorce and then the courage to see it through; moved away from the man that I did and do respect (and care about still) into an apartment in the same town. I remain working on the issues of caring for an alcoholic... I have gone through the Social Security Disability process and been successful.... However, I have regained since late December, every single hard won pound that I lost :( It is not a huge surprise because I have been a wreck and unable to focus and then there is my basic nature of passivity. When I was weighed a few weeks ago and the number was spoken, I realized that it was the same as that first day that I first logged on to dietdiaries in the depth of depression in realizing my highest weight. In these last weeks I have been trying to put a plan together for a successful remake of the old remade me.... did you get that? :) I have a close friend who is supportive and an eating plan that I think is reasonable, I have begun walking again in ernest, and....... that leads me to you. Let me in, okay? I will be reading up on everyone now; catching up with familiar names and learning about the new ones.
You are officially let back in. You were indeed missed!!!!!
I'm glad to hear that you have taken up walking again. That seemed to be the one constant that helped you conquer those pounds the last time. You can do it again. I believe in you! Do <i>you</i> believe in yourself?
I'm wishing you successes, gal! (((((Many Hugs)))))
Kyrin
Norma Jean
Love you. </font>
Hello! I am back and onboard with everybody, yet I can't make a very interesting report YET. Last night my friend, Kathy stayed overnight and today we are visiting and so I can't be private with my Diarists. Take good care today and have courage with our shared goals. See you later.
Hugs, Kallie
Drop in more often....and have a great weekend.
Hello! It is going on 5:00 P.M. here in the Northwest and soon time to think about making dinner. This has been a fine day for me. I've appreciated reading your comments to me (you know who you are :) and GOSH! Does that make a difference or what??? And, I was a water-drinking fool all of yesterday and today (which is about the FIRST thing that I dropped when I left the Diarists :( And, I haven't felt like eating extraordinarily, which is SUCH a blessing. Tonight exHusband is having fried chicken and I am NOT! I don't like dark meat and he doesn't like white, so it is our habit to buy thighs and breasts anyway. Tonight I am going to panfry mine in a little olive oil spray and have a prize-winning green salad with chicken pieces in it. You know, I am feeling "safe" again somehow; here with you and not trying to show-off :) in the world pretending that I don't need Diarist encouragement. Thank you, Everybody. Tomorrow I have a first appt with a COUNSELOR. I am a bit stressed, (talk about ISSUES!) yet I am happy about it. I made an appt to meet her and I had lots of questions for her and I think that she is a good person, you know? She is warm and encouraging and when I looked at her office decor I found signs of a similar spirit to my own (I did not mention that, hoping not to SCARE her! So, that was about a week ago and now it is time for a REAL appt. It is in the afternoon and tomorrow evening I may write about it here. I hope that everyone's weekend was somehow extra renewing and/or exciting. And, I hope that when morning comes, most of us feel the world's embrace. You have mine.
After going back and getting to know you a bit through your diary entries, I feel as though I know you like an old friend.
And you know what...You'll make it through these 'issues'. I have no doubt!
Lift yourself up because you are more than worth it and MAKE what you WANT to be your reality.
Tubby
PS: BTW, PR and advertising IS my thing! Should we call you Miss Cleo or something?
Good luck with your renewed journey. I'm so glad you are back. I usually learn something from your words. Jo Ann
Well, I'm back at it. YES. I've put my today's entry in my own "comment" section of YESTERDAY's entry. I was crying and all else while writing it and it is just too much to redo here, so if you get in the mood to read it, you will find lots of it there. Sorry. I don't have a computer. I use a webtv unit and I don't think that I have the capability of changing it over.... or that type of cut and paste.
Welcome home, I was not here when you left but wanted to welcome you back. I was able to read your entry today, and we have a great deal in common. I dont embrace change, I dont like it even if it is for the best. The weight issues for me is a good example. Until I came to terms with a very tragic event in my life, it had never really mattered to me. I still have a long road ahead. I look forward to watching your progress and giving you cheers with each step you take.
Take care and have a wonderful weekend!
Hello precious Diarists, I am sitting at this keyboard and screen on the very very very verge of recommitment. I haven't done very well on my own these last months. I have wanted to jump in again, but the saga of inertia that has become my life heightened feelings of embarrassment and failure. I have missed my old and familiar friends and I greet the new ones. Gosh, I need help.
I hope you have a good weekend!!
Kallie
You have nothing to be embarassed about, we all get lost in the shuffle of life at times and need to start over.I know I have!!!
Don't let yesterdays mistakes stand in the way of tomorrow's successes!!!!
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Norma Jean
thanks for the comment--a friend and i just started using the diary a couple weeks ago. we're using it more as a tracking device so thats why its so uninteresting... no specific food plan, trying to do lo-carb with small frequent meals. i added info. to my bio to make it more interesting, but then i noticed your bio is about as interesting as mine was :) in any case, it was nice to see your comment--take care and happy dieting (whatever)...Emily
Hello my dear Diarists! Quick as I must be about it, I am here to greet you, read you and let you know that I am in pretty good shape. Still feeling strong within myself and for us as a group. I will tell you stuff tomorrow :)
Hugs!
Christy
How are my friends? I miss you. I've kind of been waiting for something to "happen" until I made my entry. I just have non-news still at mid-afternoon; so, I guess just getting here is more important than getting here with a big scoop :) Weather-wise the day is medium, I am medium and activities around here are medium. I ate berries with low-fat eggnog on them for breakfast dessert after my regular oatmeal :) For lunch a fresh-cracked crab cocktail and a smackin' good apple. For dinner I am using one large roasted porkchop to make a lentil-tomato-potato Indian (Eastern) dish that I used to make with coconut milk, but enjoy now substituting that for chicken broth. My twenty-minutes were spent on that piece of equipment that I do not know the name for. It is like "air" walking? It isn't mine, but I did it while my neighbor used her glider deal. BOY! I really don't sound like a "workin' out" woman, do I. I'd better get some of this stuff memorized before I start the next big narrative on it, do you think? :) The "Y" thing is not coming together for me as I thought it would. Things are unsettled here, as you know. Or DO you?! I guess I've never really explained it all, but it is a situation in a flexible state. It is day by day and is still working on this day..... Who knows things about bare root roses and the planting tips and all of that? I mean from a person and not the nursery folks.... Love
Have a great day,
***Beck***
YFA NJ
Hello there! Thank you very much for your comment today -- I know how rough it can be. I am actually at the lowest weight I've seen for a few years - bouncing up and down like so many others. I found a new determination and new strength this time -- I may fall off, but I get back on - it may take me an hour, a day or a week, but I come back to my plan and I start again. I think that has been the biggest change for me, and a signal that I can do this! Beautiful NH indeed! Our leaves have begun to turn and my yard is awash in the golds and reds that I admire so much! I so enjoy my walk these days because of the scenery, it makes it so much easier to get out there in the mornings (even mornings like today, when it was 42 degrees!)
I look forward to finishing this journey with you (one final time!)
~Suz
starlight on 10/08/2002:
It is so good to see you back. I have changed my name twice :( after failing the first 2 times i was estrella_niu when i read your entries almost a year ago. But I'm succeeding this time and have lost 25 lbs so far. You know, I have tried hard in the past and thought to myself, if I can't do it this time, I will never be able to do it. I was wrong. At that time yes, I was trying hard and was really motivated, but now its different. There is NO doubt in my mind that I will lose weight. You can do it too. It doesn't matter how long you have been off track or how much weight you've gained. I had to gain about 60 lbs to get as serious as i am about losing weight. Now I would kill to be at the weight I was before when i thought I was fat. But you know what. I will be at that weight again. This site has grown even more and there so many wonderful people here. Stick with us, we'll be here for you. It makes all the difference. I also hope you can make it to some of the chats. That would be great. If you ever want to talk the email I use is Misscallysto@hotmail.com take care Kim
SoccerMom on 10/08/2002:
Can it be???? That our own dear StellaStar is back with us! How you have been missed, dear friend ~~HUGS~~
Glad to hear you sounding so positive...and YES! We will be here for you, every step of the way, to encourage your participation in a healthier lifestyle. Of course, you may have to return the favour and occasionally offer the well-placed boot to our back-sides, as well!
The job was interesting, and almost fun, yesterday...today was so boring (nothing to do!) that I would have paid them to let me go home. I think I'll like it, when things are more busy.
Anyhow....so glad to see you back again! ((HUGS))
Soon2BThin on 10/08/2002:
Sorry I missed your entry yesterday. I am so glad you're back with us. You were sorely missed. I know I can tell you not to be so hard on yourself over and over but sometimes we are our own worst enemies, right? We've all been there and we all beat ourselves up from time to time but it's time now to just look ahead and enjoy the journey, okay? It's good that you're back walking again, I remember you enjoyed that before and it makes you feel so good, doesn't it? Feel those endorphins again, huh? I'm with you, friend. Looking forward to seeing your progress and hearing about your daily life again. Have a great day!
kyrin on 10/08/2002:
Hello there! You got out and about and got your exercise commitment out of the way. I'm proud of you! ...and am sitting here feeling a bit guilty myself. I put off until tomorrow what I should have been doing today. I took a nap and then had a good time reading through cookbooks until I caught inspiration and came up with a dinner plan...my answer to eating what I am craving. Lately, I make something yummy to eat. It makes me wait to eat, and I only have a set amount. This seems to be working for me as I am feeling the pull of my old fall baking routine. So, I'm doing what I love, with modifications. ...I promise that I <i>will</i> in fact get those old exercise shoes on in the morning, choose a workout video, and get going.
I'm so very glad that you have returned! You never really thought of yourself as an exercise inspiration, but I looked forward to your words after your morning walk. Your entries were always full of the sights and sounds that you encountered during your day...made more vivid because you had made your morning trek. The feelings of success were helping you to see things more positively. It works that way...that nice after-exercise sense of perception. You did (and do) inspire me to be just a bit better, to try just a bit harder. Thank you, Stella! I love the folks here. But I think I'm looking forward to the journey again...now that you're back.
(((HUGs!!!)))
Kyrin
pezzy34 on 10/08/2002:
Where on the west coast are you? I'm up in Washington! You can do this and 253 isn't bleak at all! I was 240 in June of 2001, and even though I have hit a plateau to end all plateaus it is still a lot better than I was! Anyway, if you promise to keep up the walking and maybe even aim for 3 miles eventually I promise to get up early tomorrow and do an aerobics tape and go for a walk. Sound like a deal? BYE! Love, Jenni
Crittermama on 10/08/2002:
I'm here for you and with you Stella!! As best I can be anyway. Limited resources might make it better for me, huh? We'll see when I find out just how limited they will be.
herb on 10/08/2002:
Nephews name is Krispin, with a K not a C. Don't ask me where she got the name. I've got to ask her someday. At least it's not Conner or some other popular name that will be pass� in a couple of years. I did research on the name, and there was a Saint Krispin, the patron Saint of shoemaker.<P>
Yes Krispin married Robin Mc"Donough, and at the moment they are Funnymooning in Disney World for a few days, then they'll be driving to New Orleans.<P> Do you remember PastaGal, she lives in Northern California, and takes care of her Mother-in-Law at home. Well she had another tragedy a couple of weeks ago. Her son was in a very serious auto accident, and hasn't been around lately. I worry about her. The last entry she made was on September 30.
pezzy34 on 10/09/2002:
Sequim eh? WOW! I'm in Port Orchard! I go out to the game farm every year! GROOVY! I'm not hungover anymore and I have sworn away from Tequila... which means it will take ANOTHER year or two before I forget how awful it makes me feel until I'm dumb enough to do it again. LOL It has been 2 years since I've had a party and now I recall why! HA! Anyway, get up tomorrow and walk girl! I'll be up at 6:45 doing that dang aerobics show... OR I'll learn how to program my VCR so that I can do the show later in the day! What a concept eh? Okay, here is to making Wednesday a perfect day! E mail me tomorrow night and tell me how you did! jenni@hardparts.com Love, Jenni
Baylee on 10/09/2002:
Hello Stellastar! I see that you're a former member, just returning. I'm new here as of Sunday. I love to walk also, but do to a hip and knee problem I never know if or for how long I'll be able to walk each day. I have an appt. made to see what can be done about it.
I was at 261.5 pounds a couple of months ago, and started to cut down and had lost 5.7 pounds, then joined Weight Watchers on Sept.,3rd. weighing in at 255.8 pounds. I was down to 241.2 on the 27th of Sept. But, I had some really bad days for a while last week, and to top it off, I didn't go to my meeting last Friday because my car was in the body shop. So, I have gotten myself back on the straight and narrow this week, and hope to join you and the others in this journey. Welcome back, and I'll be seeing you around on the board. Baylee
Crittermama on 10/09/2002:
Don't worry about prying. Most of the things in my life are written right here in my entries. All I mean by that is 2 weeks ago my husband lost his good paying job. If he gets his unemployment I'm not going to worry. But until then I'm almost the sole income (he still has his National Guards once a month and is currently in Arkansas for a shooting competition that I hope he is getting paid for. He always got paid more being away than he did at his job). He's been out job hunting while I've been working more overtime that most people can imagine. I make a little more than half what he was and we have a house, 4 kids to feed, we just bought a van when his was stolen a month and a half ago and we have to make payment on that, and other things that need to be taken care of. So that's what's been going on. If I don't enter on a week day it's because I worked until very late and didn't see the boys and am just too tired. I have to get up early in the mornings to be at work, too. So that's it in as short a version as I could get it. If you have any more questions feel free to ask. God bless.
CharlieAngel on 10/09/2002:
Dearest friend: How wonderful it was to log on to the diaries and see that I had a comment from you! You have been dreadfully missed by me. This struggle to regain ourselves on this journey of weightloss seems to me to be never-ending. I, too, seem to be a standstill for several months. Although I am faithfully committed to my exercise routine...food, and its lure, continue to be my nemesis. Thank you so much for coming back to us. Please e-mail me anytime....send me your snail mail address too...since you have moved. I am proud of you for all that you have accomplished since you left us and know that you can regain any ground that you have lost! Love you! Charlotte
Beth on 10/10/2002:
Is it really you?? Well, I think I speak for us all when I say that we have continued to think about you since you've been gone. You have so many friends here, and we've all mentioned your name a few times in your absence. So glad you're back.
I've been here on and off, trying to figure out what I'm doing, what my true goals are.
I look forward to reading your entries once again.
butterf;y21373 on 10/11/2002:
It's great to see you re-inspired!!! We are all there with you!! Hugs! Karen
Maria7 on 06/13/2003:
StellaStar, I've been gone a while but am back and would sure love to see an entry from you again or hear from you...Hope you are doing okay. I used to LOVE to read your writings...I think you could be a book author easily, you write so interestingly! (061303)