- Sunday Apr 04, 2010
- Sunday Mar 30, 2008
Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for your comments - they really do mean a lot to me. Unfortunately I will probably never be able to come back here - not with any regularity, at least. I decided to take the job in Versailles. Well, I had already "taken" it, so to speak, but I decided not to try to get out of it so I could take the one nearer to me. I just know I'm going to regret this decision because, like some of you've said, the commute is going to get old really soon. There's just no better way to put it. I'll be on the train so I can read and stuff but the job starts a lot earlier than I'm used to as well so it's going to mean getting up an hour and a half earlier than usual in the morning and that's going to be hard on me and my husband. Plus I'm just not very productive in the morning so I don't know how great I'll be at this job if I'm falling asleep at my desk for half the day. But the job interests me more than the other one so I made this choice. I'm still not sure it's the right one but if not, well, it needn't be forever.
To get back to the original subject of this diary, I weighed myself a couple of days ago and was around 111 lb. Which is not bad considering that I haven't been able to give much thought to my diet at all lately. I've been doing a rough estimate of my daily calories and according to that I'm still under 2000 most days. I've only been running two or three times a week at most and doing my weight-lifting maybe once or twice a week. But still that's better than letting it slide completely. However, I feel sad that I have been able to spend so little time on myself. Keep in mind that I don't have kids so it's not like I have anyone else to think about.
I am filled with fear and confusion about my new job, wondering if I made the right choice, not just about this job in particular but my entire career! I had a chat with a receptionist at the office near me who told me she worked for a temp agency, and I instantly started thinking about what a good idea that was and how I should also just sign up with a temp agency. Then I was watching Third Rock from the Sun and started thinking that I should go back to school, get my PhD and become a professor. And then I've also been thinking about how I wish I could open a little diner here in Paris. I'm just all over the place lately.
And then there's my husband, who's practically going through a nervous breakdown at the moment. He wants to quit basketball, quit his job, and quit studying for the exam he's supposed to be taking in June. I think he's just really freaked out about the exam but it's affecting every aspect of his life.
And on top of all this, we're both also sick with a nasty bout of sinusitis. My husband is always sick with a cold or a cough or something, and I always end up catching it from him.
As for my blood tests, I haven't even bothered to go get those done yet. I just don't have the motivation. I don't think it's anything too urgent, though - just that I may have some thyroid or hormone imbalance. But doesn't everyone?
- Thursday Mar 27, 2008
I am going crazy. The company right around the corner from me just made me an offer. The head-hunter who put me in contact with them is calling incessantly to put pressure on me to accept the job. However, the people at the place in Versailles are expecting me to start work on Monday! I don't know how I got myself into this situation. I have until eleven o' clock tomorrow to give the head-hunter a definitive response.
In the meantime I went to see my doctor today and now I have to take fifteen blood tests and an ultrasound.
The only bright point of the day was when I helped an old woman cross the street this morning. She thanked me and then she asked what I was doing out of school. She thought I was 16!!
- Tuesday Mar 18, 2008
Hi guys! Oh, you wouldn't believe how much better I felt after reading all your comments. It was like just knowing you all were thinking of me and wishing me well made me feel so much more relaxed and confident. I can't thank you enough!
So, since you all have been so helpful, I hope you won't mind if I take advantage of your patience to elaborate on my job situation. The thing about the job in Versailles is that it really did seem like the ideal job for me. It would mean being the head of the I.T. department for a women's website on organic living. Doesn't that sound just perfect for me? You can see the website (though it's in French) at http://www.femininbio.com. It's run by a bunch of women and they all seem really friendly - they even have a small team of runners and have invited me to run in a race with them in September! In fact, they really loved me and offered me the job almost instantly, at a salary higher than what I had asked for (about 50% more than what I'm earning now).
Now for the negative. Naturally, the over-an-hour commute (each way) is not to be scoffed at. And just when I had managed to persuade myself that it might not be so bad, I found out that the working hours at this place are also very different from what I am used to. Basically, I would have to leave home an hour and a half earlier than I do now! As my husband instantly pointed out, that would change our whole schedule as I'd have to get up way earlier than him.
But what really drove the point home to me was my last interview - it was at a place almost literally around the corner from me! And the people there seemed reasonably nice as well. Of course, the job itself wasn't quite as thrilling, but then it's hard to get excited about financial products. I still have to go in for a technical test on Friday and there's no knowing if I'll pass that, but if I do and they offer me the job, then what? I've already signed a pre-contract with the place in Versailles. I couldn't help it - they were really pressuring me to make a decision.
- Monday Mar 17, 2008
It seems like years since I last logged on here. I can't believe it's been only two weeks. Two weeks of neverending stress. First, the job interviews. I got an offer almost immediately, for a job I really wanted. But it's based in Versailles, which is over an hour away, so I continued interviewing at other places while I considered this offer.
At the same time I had to clean my apartment from top to bottom in preparation for my friend's visit. The visit itself went pretty well - she stayed for four days and we had quite a nice time. However I was too exhausted after she left to do anything special for my birthday on Sunday. I had just a few hours to relax at home alone with my husband before facing another week of interviews and stress. I've had no time to go running, no time for weight-lifting, no time for cooking - but of course plenty of time to stuff my face with junk food and gain 5 lb.
Then one of my brothers announced that he's getting married next month - in Pakistan. I can't even get into that at the moment. Suffice it to say that my whole family will excommunicate me if I miss this wedding. So since I'll be starting a new job and won't be able to take any time off, I'm probably going to have to fly halfway across the world to spend a weekend dodging terrorists and then get back in for work on Monday.
And something crazy seems to be happening to me - I'm practically in a coma all night long and still can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, only to spend the entire day falling asleep at my desk. Which, coming from a life-long insomniac, is really bizarre.
And the worst part is that there's no end to all of this, because if I sign that contract I'm going to be starting my new job in two weeks, and after that I'm going to be spending all day either at work or on the train to and from work, and there's never going to be any time for anything any more - no exercise, no cooking, no time with my husband, no time for you guys, no time to myself, nothing. I'll never even be able to pass by my old office to say hello to my former co-workers 'cause I'll be stuck out there in Versailles. My whole life as I know it is going to be over.
- Tuesday Mar 04, 2008
The Good News
(1). I ran a half-marathon in under two hours - yay!!!
(2). I haven't gone overboard with calories - 2200 on Saturday, 2100 on Sunday and 1350 yesterday.
(3). I spent the whole day Saturday updating my CV and applying for dozens of jobs.
(4). I spent several hours scrubbing the oven and its accessories and have also reorganised all my clothes and books.
The Bad News
(1). I haven't done my weight-lifting in over a week now.
(2). I didn't drink any water yesterday.
(3). I am getting depressed and stressed out about my job situation.
(4). My friend is coming on Thursday and I still have loads of cleaning to do...
- Sunday Mar 02, 2008
Hey guys! I did it!! In 01:54:31!!
Thank you, everyone, for your comments! I didn't have any problems running under someone else's name. But she had signed up in the pink group - those aiming to finish in 2:10. My goal was to break 2 hours, which would put me in the green group. That was my group the first two times I race this race. Not that I actually finished in 2 hours either of those times. But this time I had to line up with the pink group. I didn't think it would make much difference but when I checked my time at the 1K mark I was almost 2 minutes off my target pace (7 minutes instead of 5:30). That might not seem like a big deal but obviously if I had continued at that pace I would have taken way over 2 hours. So I panicked and sprinted the next kilometre like a maniac. Everyone was staring at me. But I made up my time and reached the 2K mark on target - 11 minutes. After that I just kept up a steady pace. When I reached the halfway point in 55 minutes, I knew I would easily break 2 hours. Which is really unlike me - to be so confident. But I just wasn't tired at all. It's normally at that point in the race that the enormity of my undertaking hits me like a ton of bricks.
Shortly after this I caught sight of the official pace-setters for the green group - the group aiming to finish in 2 hours. But of course, I was in the pink group, so I had started well after them. It was then that I knew that I was on pace to finish quite a bit under my target time. So I hung around them for a while, but then I thought, how cool would it be if I could actually overtake them, just for a bit? Then I could tell my husband that at one point I was actually in front of the pace-setters for the green group. So I overtook them, fully expecting them to catch back up eventually. But they never did! I actually took my husband by surprise at the finish line because he wasn't expecting me for another 2-3 minutes! He didn't even have time to get the camera out!
Neither of us could believe my spectacular time. Although it's not so impressive compared to someone like Runner, who actually wins these things, or my husband's co-worker (who finished in 1:35), it was way beyond my wildest expectations. To put it into perspective, the first time I ran this race, I did it in 2:09. And the second time, my best time up until now, was 2:02. So in the last two years, I've cut 15 minutes off my time. No small feat! If I say so myself!
Or, in the words of my husband, I "whupped some hiz-ass"!!
Oh and don't worry, I have been drinking water all day today... probably not as much as anyone else who ran 13 miles, but a lot for me!
- Saturday Mar 01, 2008
Plan: do some running at the track to see if I can run 9-minute miles at half-marathon pace
Exercise: ran 4 miles at the track - at 8:50 per mile!!
Result: renewed confidence about the race on Sunday
Plan: juggle plans to meet husband for lunch, friend for dinner, and eBay seller to collect race entry
Exercise: 2.2 miles running, 4 miles half walking, half running all over town in 6-inch platform heels - again!!
Result: all set for tomorrow's race, apart from aching legs and extreme case of nerves!
- Thursday Feb 28, 2008
The last two days have not been all that great. On Tuesday my boss told me that they're terminating my contract, effective on March 26th. I knew it was coming because the work (and the budget) has dried up. I'll still be getting paid by my consultancy, who will surely place me somewhere else, but I've been on contract here for five years now, so it will be weird to change. In a way it was good to know for sure, because I'd been kind of anxious about it for the past few days. And funnily enough, my anxiety regarding this situation must have been distracting me from worrying about anything else, because as soon as it was resolved, I found myself in full panic mode about the half-marathon on Sunday! I spent the whole evening stuffing my face and then finally went totally crazy and bid on four different race entries on eBay. Was lucky to end the day with no exercise and 1700 calories.
Yesterday was a little better because I at least went running on my lunch break (4.2 miles). But calories were worse (2000). I won one entry to the race on Sunday, was outbid on another, and managed to cancel my bid on a third. There's still a fourth for which I'm currently the highest bidder. I could beg the seller to cancel my bid but am afraid she'll refuse because I'm the only bidder. Also, I'm absurdly paranoid that the person whose entry I did win will change her mind at the last minute and refuse to sell it to me. I don't know what to do... the anxiety continues.
- Tuesday Feb 26, 2008
Went running on my lunch break: 4.4 miles. Felt pretty good. Ran to my favourite gourmet food store afterwards for a thin slice of low-fat cheesecake (European-style cheesecake - hard to explain what this is but it's kind of light and fluffy, more like a mousse than a cheesecake).
Hubby suggested we go to a movie after work. He wanted to see Cloverfield, I wanted to see Juno. I got there first and got tickets to Juno, because my friend who's coming to visit next week has already seen it so I thought we could watch Cloverfield with her. Well, I hated Juno. I thought it was so contrived - like it was just trying so hard to be cute and quirky. I was really upset. The only thing I liked about the movie was the girl who played Juno - I've never seen anyone so beautiful. Oh, the other good thing was the huge vat of popcorn I shared with my hubby.
We passed the Algerian bakery on the way home and I was really tempted to get my favourite semolina flatbread, which I estimate at around 400 calories, but I resisted. And then spent the entire evening snacking on over 1000 calories of complete rubbish. Total for the day: 1830. Ironically my weight is down, probably because I'm dehydrated. I didn't do it on purpose - just forgot to drink anything. I did manage to do my weight-lifting, though, for the first time in six days. I was sure I would blow it off but somehow forced myself to do it just before midnight!
Now I am inexplicably depressed. I would go out running to cheer myself up but it's raining. I might go tonight, to my favourite park which stays open all night.