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graindart - Friday Aug 24, 2018
(30 days - weigh & post daily)
Weight: 208.0

Day 4 completed successfully.

Youngest had a pre-season volleyball tournament for junior varsity yesterday.  Thankfully there weren't any concession stands.  Had a bbq to go to right after the tournament, but since the tournament went long we arrived late.  That was good for me since a lot of the food was gone by the time we arrived and very few people were still eating.

On to conquer day 5....

Progress as of today: 75 lbs lost so far, only 33 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/24/2018:
That worked out well.......good job!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/24/2018:
Proud of you, Grains. You are the sole decider of how you want to eat and life :) it's you, not some superior being or decision maker other than you...one day i feel you will feel much more confident. right now though, you are making excellent progress. loving your entries. way to go.

graindart on 08/24/2018:
Thanks for the encouragement.

Definitely don't have a ton of confidence right now on the food side of things. It's an irritation since I like to think I'm confident and in control of most other areas of my life.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/24/2018:
you see, in my opinion, "confidence" is really just a mindset. you can actually make yourself confident. you can change how you want to think about this weight thing. and diet thing.

you are giving yourself NOT ENOUGH power to feel in control.

you have this within you... :) allow yourself the knowledge and feeling that you can be successful at this. this is why you are here! You are making changes!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/24/2018:
like, look what bcgg said to you, you did good! so don't slight yourself so much!

Donkey on 08/25/2018:
Not sure if you planned it that way or if it's just the way things worked out, but I think you handled the food situations very well this past week.

I'm not sure if you find weekends to be more challenging, so if you do, here's wishing you success!

graindart on 08/25/2018:
Any time with family & friends is more difficult for me to stay on track. Once the girls are back in school in a couple weeks, my weekdays should get easier.

graindart - Thursday Aug 23, 2018
(30 days - weigh & post daily)
Weight: 208.4

Day 3 completed successfully.

Family made personal pizzas last night for dinner.  They looked and smelled delicious.  I considered eating one for a few moments, but knew that it would probably trigger me eating more "less healthy" stuff.  So I passed.  I know that for a normal healthy person, eating an occasional small pizza wouldn't matter one way or the other to their general health.  For me, it wasn't the calories as much as it was a potential "trigger" to start overeating. 

I think it really is like alcoholism in a way.  One occasional drink usually wouldn't matter to a healthy person (mentally / physically), but to an alcoholic that one drink can be a trigger that sends them into a downward spiral.  Where food addiction differs from alcoholism in one respect is in the fact that you can't just decide to give up food for the rest of your life.  (Technically you can give up food for the rest of your life, but the rest of your life would only be a month or two).

I'm bored with my food choices in the house, but am choosing not to go shopping for new options right now.  Eating the same basic things daily tends to help me stay on track.  When I've eaten the same thing several times in a row, there's little desire to fall off the wagon and overeat mass quantities of that same thing.  Unless they're cookies.  Cookies are my kryptonite.

On to conquer day 4.......

Progress as of today: 74.6 lbs lost so far, only 33.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2018:
i can very much understand exactly where you are coming from in regards to staying away from the pizza bc it's a trigger. believe it or not, i can be triggered also by pizza. i do not love it as it doesn't fill me up. i much would prefer a massive amount of veggies with a side of a small mini pizza. i feel for you...it is very hard to get on the right path and i also try to avoid things that would totally derail my efforts. i would say you made a good choice.

there is def a thing as food addiction, i agree...

the only thing we can do is work with it...and learn how to get it more under control by in the end giving our bodies most of what it needs, but also what we like & enjoy....give and take....

Horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2018:
oh and i wanted to say, good job!

BearCountryGG on 08/23/2018:
Understanding it and acknowledging it is most of the battle.

Donkey on 08/24/2018:
I agree with the addiction aspect. 100%. Keep on working it. I'm proof it can be overcome.

graindart - Wednesday Aug 22, 2018
(30 days - weigh & post daily)
Weight: 210.5

Day 2 completed successfully.

Short post today, have to get to working.....

This is only the 3rd day out of my 30 day plan and I'm already getting tired of the food options that I'm sticking with right now.  

On to day 3.....

Progress as of today: 72.5 lbs lost so far, only 35.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/22/2018:
Change it up....go to the meat and produce sections and pick up something different.......lots of great choices there right now.

horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2018:
i read your comments....one thing more i suggest to help you combat this unhealthy eating thing is to sorta do what BCGG says...why don't you take a trip alone or with Wife to the supermarket....and pull a few new veggies out or take a look at some healthy options. if you are utterly confused / headache over it, you can even google a "healthy" shopping list and at least buy some things off that if you don't already have them.

i know you don't love to cook, why not consider doing takeout from restaurants with more healthy options? like when you go out, order the grilled shrimp skewers...try to change your taste buds...a little bit...gear them toward liking the healthy stuff?

you are doing good....we are glad to have you here..just posting is making a forward approach to your journey. keep on...do it day by day as you said.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2018:
Back when i weighted 15-20 lbs more i wrote this in 2009, just reviewing my entries today, thought i'd share - bc it echos you in your talking how you can only do ONE DAY AT A TIME...that's what i said then, too!

Weight: 133.0 EDIT: It's an interesting game I play with myself. Not sure why i continue to eat like an elephant. but i do. kinda a waste, when i try so hard physically to look a certain way. Yeah, it's starting to get REALLY old. I know i've said that before.

What I mean is that it's just old, looking large and flabby, almost 27 years old. What is the justification? I will certainly not attract the type of guy I want to be with acting so foolishly, so why not change?? And that is my goal. As thinn wrote, I must go back to thinking one day at a time. Because this month has been rather a waste in terms of weightloss and progress.

graindart - Tuesday Aug 21, 2018
(30 days - weigh & post daily)
Weight: 213.9

Day 1 completed successfully.

It's amazing how quickly one's resolve / determination can fade.  Yesterday morning when I posted here, I was 100% ready to jump back into controlling my eating.  I was 100% ready to fully commit to a solid 30 days of conquering food.  I had made a conscious decision and it was going to be easy this time. 

Twelve hours later at 7pm last night, I was once again questioning whether it was worth it or not.  I was actually sitting there reasoning with myself that it would be ok to change my mind and put it off until after Labor Day.  Of course if I put it off until after Labor Day, then I'll convince myself to put it off until after my birthday.  Then I'll put it off until after my wife's birthday.  Then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year.  Then I'll weigh 283 again and be so depressed that I'll just keep eating until I weigh 300 lbs.......

On to day 2.....

Progress as of today: 69.1 lbs lost so far, only 38.9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/21/2018:

horn_of_plenty on 08/21/2018:
TAKE IT DAY BY DAY. LOWER your expectations. SLOW DOWN YOUR BRAIN and your thinking.

take some deep breaths. you are anxious about it.

the act of eating takes our minds out of commission...it's the same as smoking or drinking. we do it for the act of eating / chewing - when you keep overeating you are just doing the motions bc you said it can be any type food you just want to keep eating...its the repetitive motion, the habit that you crave...the full feeling and then the upset feelings that follow...same as drinking, drugs, alcohol...

The reason i said that, is because i have lived it and everyday i fight it! I fight it with planning and food choices that i've changed around - so i can enjoy my eating...so i can continue to feel full...so i can indulge but not suffer consequences (as much as i used to!).

i am giving you advice because i have been EXACTLY in your boat. I have been (slightly) overweight..and too fat for my own body...i have been so completely misproportioned that i hated how i felt in my clothes. fast fat i gained while i had some life changes going back to school ages 26-28, no paycheck/depleting my savings, living still with parents and lessening of my own olbigations falling back to acting and behaving like there were no consequences. I had given up my career completely and felt depleted. I allowed the food habits to once again take charge of my life. In order to study, i overate. I used food for comfort and to provide a mental relief to being in school and studying. Those two years were not spent right...but, in that last year, i began working again and i began exercising again.

...sometimes more life challenges and responsibilities can HELP with scheduling better eating. Though my life is more complex now and free time is limited, it's generally good for structured eating...as long as i am prepared usually and can being my lunch & snacks to work so that calories are pre-planned.

back to you, i am successful for the same reasons you say you become successful - with a plan. with some personal control.

also thru your past dieting and experiences, YOU ARE LEARNING what works and what doesn't.

you are already on the right road. but you cannot be 100% successful all the time....AND you cannot be successful WITHOUT FAILURE - YOU GROW AND LEARN AND ACCOMPLISH MORE based on what you LEARN FROM FAILURE.

how did i do it!? i learned from my failures. I learned what works and what doesn't.

it can take many falls to finally be more successful or for you to finally have better goals with better plans.

you are DOING GREAT.

REMEMBER - IT'S DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ALL OR NOTHING! Halloween and those holidays makes it hard for me, too. I struggle a TON personally with Thanksgiving.

On these days, you can eat to you are content...but having the veggies and stuff to fill you can help you...trust me!...but eat what you want.

beacuse like i said in your earlier entry yesterday....it's how fast you recover from a setback, not the setback itself that slows progress.

setbacks we learn from. how fast we recover and get back on the road to success is even more important.

you can fall often, but when you get back on the saddle is extremely important.

setbacks come, but it's your choice if you want to stay in that mindset or keep pushing toward success. success comes easier with experience and knowledge.

I've learned about myself thru dieting / lifestyle for appprox 15-16 years now. so, i don't think you've been at it that long.

only in the past several and really past 2.5 years have i been injury free and maintaining a weight i am quite pleased with.

graindart on 08/22/2018:
I am having to take it day by day right now, like you suggested. I'm not good at rebounding from food failure quickly right now, so I just have to concentrate on not screwing up until I can get back in the habit of eating better.

Looking back, when I'm in the habit of eating better daily, my screwups usually only last 1-3 days. This summer my daily habit has been overeating, with my healthier eating only lasting 1-3 days at a time. I just need to get back in the habit of eating healthier the vast majority of time, then the brief screwups don't have much of a lasting effect.

Thanks for suggestions.

Donkey on 08/22/2018:
I used to struggle with after-dinner eating. That's how I regained weight. That's when you must rely on your resolve and determination. Going to bed early helps too, lol...

The struggle is real.

graindart - Monday Aug 20, 2018
(30 days - weigh & post daily)
Weight: 217.9

Moderation without a plan just doesn't work for me.  Maybe it will someday in the future, but right now it's not an option.  For now and the near future, I'm either on a plan or I'm just heading back to weighing 283 lbs again.  

It's been a fun Summer full of eating whatever I want, whenever I want. 

I like to stuff my face with food.  I don't care if the food tastes great.  I don't care if it makes me feel great.  I just like to continually eat.

I'm going back to a 30 day plan of my own making.  I do well with set goals that have set time periods.  I haven't decided the exact parameters for this first 30 day plan, but have been considering a couple different options that have worked well for me in the past.  I'll probably have a set plan in place by the end of today.

When I fall off the wagon, I have no desire to post entries here.  I don't like broadcasting my "failures".  Today is the first day of my new 30 day plan.  I will post here everyday during this 30 day plan, whether I'm successful or not.  I will weigh myself daily, whether I'm successful or not.

I have a certain bodyfat percentage that I feel comfortable at also look decent at.  I just need to make a daily conscious decision between which I want more.  Do I want to eat junk or do I want to feel / look better.  For the long term, I can't have it both ways.  I can't eat junk and expect to feel and look healthy.

I'm glad that moderation works well for some people.  It just doesn't work for me at this time.  Having a set plan for some people makes them feel overly restricted and makes them dwell on what they can't have.  For me, having a set plan takes the extra thought process out of the equation and actually allows me to not dwell on food thoughts as much.  Since I know what I'm going to do daily, I don't end up trying to justify indulgences daily.

Have secretly been telling myself that I can keep putting eating plans off until after Labor Day, when school starts.  But today I woke up and decided to quit putting things off anymore.  The calendar doesn't appear to have too many holidays or events during the next 30 days, so that's a plus.  Youngest daughter is playing volleyball.  There's a volleyball bbq this Thursday, followed by a tournament this Saturday.  Have Labor Day get-together and a family birthday party for a nephew in a couple weeks.  Probably not too many other events that will test my resolve.

On to conquer day 1, even though I haven't solidified the exact plan as of yet.......

Progress as of today: 65.1 lbs lost so far, only 42.9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/20/2018:
The old saying..."Strike while the iron is hot"...makes all of the sense in the world. You have to do what works for you...when you are motivated to carry it out. I know what you are fighting...I went from 169 to over 250....and just refused to deal with it in any meaningful way.......now...I'm having to do it all over again.....no fun in that. It does seem that keeping tempting things out of the house is important for you...eating lots of veggies also seems to be your best bet for filling up......a low carb diet is probably your best bet.....we all fall down...regularly....I can guarantee you that you are safe here.....if it helps YOU to confess a slip up then do that...if not...then don't mention it if that works better for you. My husband keeps reminding me that the more I think about food...the more I eat...and he is right....so I feel the need to get a little bit quieter when that happens......but I miss the gang here...and get back into this again.

graindart on 08/20/2018:
I don't like admitting to slipping up or failing at something. When I screw up, my usual pattern is to just avoid this site. In deciding to post here daily for the next 30 days, it's just added incentive to not let myself go off the deep end.

BearCountryGG on 08/20/2018:
Agreed......if that works then do that.

Donkey on 08/21/2018:
If that means you'll be posting more often, yay!!!

horn_of_plenty on 08/21/2018:
I agree with donkey...woohooo to having you back at our community.!!

also, its good to hear you say that you don't want moderation now, but that's how you feel NOW and not forever. I think in terms of both my own dieting and lifestyle, i started off VERY structured and VERY rigid...and could only go towards my way now based on what i learned and gathered from the previous years of structure and rigidity.

I get you completely. it's good to hear you are on track and on board!

horn_of_plenty on 08/21/2018:
i was reading something by a favorite speaker of mine, James Clear.

The difference between the amateurs and the pros is how fast we recover or rebound from failures and hardships.

so keep on. and when you get off track, try to keep your rebound close by.

graindart - Monday Aug 13, 2018
(just getting back in control)
Weight: 202.7

Camping in the mountains was good and we had a couple friends swing by to eat dinner with us.  Dad's birthday party went ok.  Church block party went ok. 

This past week has been unbearably hot.  It hit 100 for two or three days in a row, with one of the days hitting 104.  Where I live we only usually have a 30% chance of hitting 100 in any given year, with most years topping off in the high 90's.  Thankfully today's high is only supposed to be 77.  After the past few days, 70's feels downright chilly.

Getting back into the groove with work and watching what I eat today.  I might be missing something, but don't think I have any parties, birthdays, picnics, or other special occasions for the next couple weeks.  Maybe I can actually just get back into a semi-normal routine.  The girls and wife head back to school after Labor Day, so know that I'll be able to get back into a regular routine at that time again.

Progress as of today: 80.3 lbs lost so far, only 27.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/13/2018:
Back into the old routine will be good.

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
I echo what Bear says; I thrive on routine... but you've had a wonderful summer with amazing memories.

horn_of_plenty on 08/16/2018:
Wow! That is hot!

We had hardly any 90 degree days this year in NYC..today will be around 90. Instead, it's rained a lot, which i guess is good for the plants !

I sooo do not look forward to our school season to begin, same time as yours, after Labor Day. There is so much street traffic and congestion, i'll have to leave around 15 minutes earlier in the mornings! at least.

graindart - Wednesday Aug 08, 2018
(just getting back in control)
Weight: 202.7

Dirtbike riding went well yesterday.  Have some regular work to get done today and tomorrow.  Heading to the mountains again on Friday for an overnight short camping trip.  Have to get back on Saturday for my dad's birthday party.  Sunday is a block party event after church.  Monday my youngest starts full day volleyball practice camp.

The lazy days of summer appear to be over.  Now it appears to be a quick dash until school starts for the girls, just after Labor Day. 

Progress as of today: 80.3 lbs lost so far, only 27.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/08/2018:
Good exercise and getting outdoors, enjoying being physical. The beach did that for me sat.

Donkey on 08/09/2018:
We start school here August 15th. My friends in Indiana already started this Monday!

This is the first year that I have no kids in school.

horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
that's when our schools start too, day after Labor Day :)

how old is your dad on his bday? how exciting!

enjoy the block party :)

graindart on 08/09/2018:
He's hitting the big 70. The block party is geared more towards younger kids, so I'll just wander around talking to friends and probably be done after an hour or so. The wife and kids are working the bouncy-house and serving food for awhile.

horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
are you looking forward to the block party?

wow, donkey's area starts school so early!

horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
70 is soooo young still ... good for him!

graindart - Monday Aug 06, 2018
(just getting back in control)
Weight: 202.7

Random thoughts today.....

Going to try switching to a weekly weigh-in, instead of daily.

Planning on going camping in the mountains this Friday with the family. 

Youngest daughter starts volleyball practice again next week.

We had a brief dip in the daily high temperatures where the highs were in the high 70's / low 80's for a few days.  Hopefully this week's forecast is wrong, but right now it says it's supposed to hit 104 on Friday (will be cooler in the mountains).  It rarely hits 100 degrees here in any summer, so 104 would be quite the shock.

Back to work this morning.....

Progress as of today: 80.3 lbs lost so far, only 27.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Lot's of positive mindset practices here for the new week. I love your posts.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
yes, i'd support your weekly weigh-in as daily fluctuations can be quite unnerving!

camping sounds fun! grilling veggies can be fun...grilled peppers are quite awesome...you can even grill pineapple. light balsamic dressing or other marinades are good on everything or just plain...you can look up fast recipes for marinades...but even plain peppers are GREAT!

wowwww that's hotter than here! we are having 90s and it feels it!

wishing you a FAST day of work!

Donkey on 08/08/2018:
Hey, I don't agree with weekly weigh-ins if it means less posting!

Lol, I just meant that I enjoy reading your entries. A weekly weigh-in might work better for you.

Have fun camping! That sounds lovely!

graindart - Friday Aug 03, 2018
(just getting back in control)
Weight: 202.7

Yesterday went ok.  Really wanted to keep snacking after dinner while watching a little tv.  Ended up eating 4 pieces of toast with butter, a couple small beef sticks, and a little bit of roasted pork loin.  Didn't have any real junk food in the house, so that was good.  It was also fortunate that there were only 4 pieces of bread left in the house, otherwise I can see myself having eaten the entire loaf......

Progress as of today: 80.3 lbs lost so far, only 27.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/03/2018:
Best to keep that stuff out then.....at least you didn't get in the car and go find some!!!

graindart on 08/03/2018:
Yeah. My laziness won out over my food cravings. I guess that's a good thing.....

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
You're having a total Wallace and Grommit moment with the buttered toast!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/05/2018:
so i'd say you did pretty well...remember sometimes what you are reaching for is for a reason. maybe you were eating very under calories or something or it's a big change from previous way of eating, your body is still adjusting and you should be at least happy that it wasn't an all-out binge-fest. good job getting back on track..

graindart - Thursday Aug 02, 2018
(just getting back in control)
Weight: 206.0

Yesterday wasn't perfect, but definitely more in control.

Due to the weight gain over the past couple months, I'm down to only a few shirts that I hadn't gotten rid of.  I've only got a couple pair of shorts and 1 pair of jeans that still fit.  I know if I just stay focused for a couple weeks, that I'll be able to start wearing my other clothes again.  Just need to stay on track and make it until after Labor Day.  After Labor Day, the kids and wife go back to school and I can settle into a normal schedule again where controlling my eating will become much easier.

Progress as of today: 77 lbs lost so far, only 31 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
You can do it!!!!! Does one of your tshirts say "No Hugging?"?

graindart on 08/02/2018:
The link I posted on yours was for a shirt that stated: "No Hugging. Please do not encircle me with your sweaty meat sticks."

horn_of_plenty on 08/02/2018:
usually it takes a few days to get really back...

remember, a lifestyle isn't only about "control." you should be HAPPY with your choices that you make with your own control, but shouldn't be controlled like in restrictive. that can be very much a struggle.

the past is done, if you were focussed on not doesn't matter. start here fresh and allow yourself some wiggle room and know you are HUMAN and prone to human error.

plan and food shop to do better. if you like takeout, get takeout but get veggies in that takeout. doesn't need to be steamed, you can have flavor. 1200 cals is too low for any man..so don't feel you have to be too restrictive. Even you can lose on 2000/day. take it easy, little by little.

graindart on 08/02/2018:
I do need to take some time and figure out a way of eating that I can live with for the next several years.

I'm very "happy" with the rest of my life (family is great, job has pluses/minuses, but overall works ok), but seems like I'm never happy with my food / health patterns.

I'm not happy with an overly restrictive food plan. I'm also not happy when I go nuts and eat several thousand calories in a day. I'm not happy with repetitive exercise (walking/running/weights/etc). I'm not happy when I have too many scheduled commitments for other types of exercise (softball).

For food / exercise I know what makes me "unhappy", but don't really know what makes me "happy". Would be nice to figure that out.....

BearCountryGG on 08/02/2018:
Too many restrictive rules make me rebel. Finding the exact right way to do this is so difficult.

Donkey on 08/03/2018:
Sometimes we have to forget about what makes us happy and just do it because it's the right thing to do.

Donkey on 08/03/2018:
I realize my comment above might not convey the support I was intending to express. My recommendation was to "fake it until you make it", by making choices that you logically know are "good for you" until you can find what really clicks for you. My "love" for this journey comes and goes but I stick to the routine through good and bad. Consistency above all is what I think has made this time around more successful than the other times I've lost this same weight.

I apologize if my previous comment offended you.

graindart on 08/03/2018:
It takes a lot to offend me, and that wasn't even close. You'll have to try harder next time...... :)

I enjoy reading different opinions and different plans for accomplishing the same goals. Like most people here, I'm just trying to find something that works for me and allows me to stay at a comfortable body size/shape/weight with the least amount of effort.

Donkey on 08/04/2018:
^ Thank you for your understanding. Actually, your response was a real eye-opener for me, as far as putting things in an appropriate perspective for me. Thank you - very helpful!

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