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view graindart bio page
graindart - Tuesday Dec 06, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 261.8

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 261.8 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 43.4 <30 <20 43.4
Exercise none

I don't know what to say. I'm heavy. I eat crap all day long. I drink about 1,000 - 2,000 calories each day in pop (Mt.Dew & Pepsi) each day. I don't do hardly any exercise at all. I eat out usually twice each day. My clothes are starting to get snug and I'm at the largest size carried in a regular department store. Sometimes my throat feels fat / constricted and I wonder if I'm going to suffocate when I go to sleep. Sometimes I have problems swallowing food, although I don't know if this is from being fat, from my not chewing the food enough, just eating too fast, or a combination of some of the above.

With all of that said, you'd think I'd be unhappy or depressed, but I'm not. Most everything else in my life is great and I really don't dwell on the weight issue much. You'd also think that I'd be motivated to lose some weight, but I'm really not. I've had success with losing weight before. Back a couple of years ago (journaled on this site), I was able to drop from 250 to under 200 lbs. It didn't even take much time to accomplish. I do so much wrong when I'm not on a diet, that the second I get back on track the pounds just seem to fall off. My real problem is "moderation". I'm an all or nothing type person. When I dropped below 200 lbs a couple of years ago, I went off my diet and returned to my old way of eating / pop drinking, which of course caused me to gain the weight back. It was nice for a couple of months, being lighter and eating / drinking everything in sight, the best of both worlds.

Pertaining to food & exercise, I know my present way of living is just going to start causing me permanent harm if I don't get it under control. I know what works for me when it comes to losing weight. I just don't know why I don't feel motivated to get on track.

I've thought about making these type of entries "private" so others wouldn't read them. I feel embarrassed / ashamed having entries on here that show that I'm not perfect and don't always come out on top. I know it sounds silly (even to me as I write it). Why do I feel embarrassed? It's not like I'm admitting these things to work colleagues or someone else that might not understand or be able to relate. I know that I need to keep these entries public, partially for myself, but also for someone else having the same problems to know they're not unique in that way.

Well, I'm at about the highest weight I've ever been. I was thinking that maybe just taking some time and writing down how I feel about my weight would help motivate me to start a diet tomorrow. However I feel no more motivated than when I started this entry about a half an hour ago. I don't need a pep talk, I don't feel that I need support, I just need to decide to DO IT. Until that time I'll just be steadily gaining weight and getting further and further into the "danger zone".

Hopefully I wake up tomorrow and feel like starting. It'd be nice to be down a bit of weight before the start of the year. Although the lazy side of me says just wait until January 1st to start, like the majority of people (including myself in past years). Although if I wait until January 1st, I'll probably be closer to 270, instead of a possible 245 or so.

TheMother on 12/07/2005:
I'm am just blown away by your entry. Thank YOU so much for making it public because it really, really hit home for me as well. Please know that you are not alone and as you wrote not unique in your feelings. I, too, along with many others feel or have felt the way you are feeling now. I hope that today will be THE day that you decide to get back up on the horse and try again. There is no shame in failing, only in not trying again. We are all with you and I look forward to taking the journey with you.

Regards,

TM (Pat)


borntocry on 12/07/2005:
Hi graindart,

I also want to thank you for making your entry public. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Because I've also gained back almost all the weight I lost over the past year. Okay, so it wasn't all that much weight but it was pretty tough for me and I feel like a fool and a failure for gaining it back. I could never believe how other people let that happen to them, and now it's happened to me.

I think it's an "all or nothing" personality problem. I am also quite an extremist. I lost weight fast and then I put it back on even faster. Well, I for one am not going to do that again. This time around I'm going to focus on lifestyle changes. I know that's easier said than done. But I believe that's what it takes. I want to make more reasonable changes in my life, so that I can stick to them this time. I think you should do the same thing. I know it's hard, especially at first, when you're fired with enthusiasm. But I believe it's the only way to break out of the cycle. Good luck!



graindart - Wednesday Nov 09, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 257.8

Current

DIET 2005 take 3 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 11/08/2005
Weight (lbs.) 257.8 200 180 257.8
Body Fat % 45.4 <30 <20 45.4

I'm thinking that my 3rd try at losing weight this year should start tomorrow. We'll see when I wakeup in the morning.

cac30202 on 11/11/2005:
oh honey, I feel your pain. It seems like every week I say "I'm starting fresh, I'm going to do this, THIS time is THE time" and I mean it every single time. One of these days, it will stick!



graindart - Saturday Oct 15, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 256.2

Current

DIET 2005 take 3 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 10/15/2005
Weight (lbs.) 256.2 200 180 256.2
Body Fat % 43.7 <30 <20 43.7

I'm thinking that my 3rd try at losing weight this year should start tomorrow. We'll see when I wakeup in the morning.

blacksheep on 10/16/2005:
Good luck this time!!! They do say that the 3rd times the charm!



graindart - Tuesday Apr 12, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 236.2

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 236.2 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 38.3 <30 <20 39.6

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water. Low carb Slimfast for breakfast. Cracker Barrell for lunch - sampler platter w/ mashed potatoes/gravy, salad, mac-n-cheese, etc. Then I had a couple pieces of chocolate for dessert.

graindart on 10/07/2005:
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ddwebmaster on 10/08/2005:
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graindart on 10/09/2005:
test1039 10/9/05


ddwebmaster on 10/09/2005:
test comment 1046 10/09/05



graindart - Sunday Apr 10, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 237.0

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 237.0 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 41.3 <30 <20 39.6

No regular pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water. Low carb Slimfast for breakfast. I made my daughter chocolate chip pancakes, I really wanted one, but kept from making myself one. Then I delivered a small basic breakfast in bed to my wife. Prime rib with potato skins and a salad for lunch. Nothing for dinner.

Jennifer68 on 04/11/2005:
WTG on will power, I couldn't have resisted chocolate chip ANYTHING! lol, You are doing great!! Keep going :O) Jen



graindart - Saturday Apr 09, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 239.2

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 239.2 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 40.1 <30 <20 39.6

No pop, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water.

Low carb Slimfast for breakfast. Roadhouse Ranch salad at Quiznos for lunch. Cheesestick for a snack.


graindart - Friday Apr 08, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 237.6

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 237.6 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 38.2 <30 <20 39.6

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm. Low carb Slimfast for breakfast. Chinese buffet for lunch, I ate a lot. Water intake was miserable today, only around 50 ounces or so.

My wife and I took our 2 year old daughter to the circus tonight. We left after about an hour, she was more interested in climbing the bleachers than watching the animals or performers. Maybe next year she'll be more interested. I haven't been to a circus for for probably about 15 years. It was so much more impressive when I was younger.


graindart - Thursday Apr 07, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 239.2

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 239.2 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 40.1 <30 <20 39.6

No regular pop, no snacks, and about 100 ounces of water. Low carb Slimfast for breakfast. Date night with my wife.....dinner out was a bunch of bread with garlic smear, salad, prime rib, asparagus, mashed potatoes, and ice tea. Then we went to a movie and I had a small Diet Coke and we shared a small buttered popcorn. Not that I was hungry, but I do love movie theater popcorn, it's the only place I ever eat it.

I left the movie choice up to my wife and she chose Miss Congeniality 2. It really wasn't very funny. Even my wife said that it was pretty stupid, and not in a funny way.


graindart - Tuesday Apr 05, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 239.4

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 239.4 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 41.6 <30 <20 39.6

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water.

Yesterday I was hosting a final 4 party, so I knew I'd be eating anything and everything. I knew there was no way I was going to watch what I was eating, so I didn't eat anything else the whole day. By the time the party started, I was famished and I ate plenty! The only thing I didn't do was drink pop.

Today went better, low carb Slimfast for breakfast. Cracker Barrel for lunch - low carb bacon cheeseburger, green beans, side salad with blue cheese dressing, 1/3 of a low carb chocolate bar for dessert. I would've eaten the whole chocolate bar, but it didn't taste very good. I still had to think about it, but decided there was no reason to eat it if I wasn't even enjoying the flavor of it. I wasn't hungry when dinner came along, so I didn't eat.

Now it's a few hours later, about an hour or two before bedtime, and I'm hungry. I'll just have to tough it out now.


graindart - Sunday Apr 03, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 242.2

Current

DIET 2005 take 2 Current 1st Goal Final Goal 3/31/2005
Weight (lbs.) 242.2 200 180 247.8
Body Fat % 41.3 <30 <20 39.6

So-so day. No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm. Only got about 75-100 ounces of water today.

Lunch was a little overdone at Applebee's. My little 2 year old daughter was asking for ice cream at the end of the meal, so I ordered the Apple Chimi-cheesecake that I love so much. My daughter, wife, and I were about halfway through it when my wife mentions "I thought you were on a diet." Doh! (done in Homer Simpson's voice) I had totally forgot that I was supposed to be skipping dessert. Oh well, it's just life, maybe tomorrow will be more on track.


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