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graindart - Thursday Jan 12, 2006
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 258.6

2006 1st Try Current 1st Goal Final Goal 01/05/2006
Body Fat % 41.6 <30 <20 43.4

No pop, 125 ounces of water, and 3 miles walked on the treadmill. Lunch was a bacon beef-n-cheddar and couple of potato cakes from Arbys. Dinner was AYCE buffet at which I ate a lot, including desserts (yes, plural).

Progress as of today: 3.2 lbs lost so far, only 28.6 lbs to go!

graindart - Wednesday Jan 11, 2006
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 260.0

2006 1st Try Current 1st Goal Final Goal 01/05/2006
Body Fat % 43.5 <30 <20 43.4

Half of a can of Coca-Cola Zero, 125 ounces of water, and walked 3 miles on the treadmill.

My eating habits weren't the best today. Slimfast for breakfast. Nice sized salad with all the fixings for lunch. Dinner was a TON of chinese food.

I only had about 60 ounces of water by the time dinner came along and I didn't feel like doing any walking either, so I was just going to write the whole night off. I also had some work I needed to do after dinner that I didn't feel like doing either. I just wanted to sit down and watch some television. I decided I couldn't just blow off everything, so I decided to put the work off until later. I hopped on the treadmill with a few bottles of water and an hour later was up to my 125 ounces and 3 miles, all while watching some TV.

Progress as of today: 1.8 lbs lost so far, only 30 lbs to go!

graindart - Tuesday Jan 10, 2006
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 259.6

2006 1st Try Current 1st Goal Final Goal 01/05/2006
Body Fat % 42.2 <30 <20 43.4

No pop, 125 ounces of water, nothing after 7pm, and walked 3 miles on a treadmill. It's been a better day than I've had in awhile, healthwise.

Slimfast for breakfast, oriental stirfry for lunch, pizza & salad buffet for dinner. I don't think I had any snacks in between the meals, but I'm not sure because the day was all just kind of a blur.

The water intake was a bit tough. It's fine after I've been doing it for awhile, but 125 ounces seems like a boat-load when I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things.

Walking 3 miles in an hour really doesn't seem like much exercise on paper. But with my being so out of shape and so heavy, 3 miles is torture - hurting back, chaffing thighs, hurting feet. I'm guessing I'll wake up tomorrow with pretty sore muscles. I put the treadmill right in front of the television and watched a couple of shows while walking. It was still boring and repetitive. I hate walking outside, so at least inside the TV keeps me a little entertained.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another decent day.

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 29.6 lbs to go!

graindart - Monday Jan 09, 2006
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 258.8

2006 1st Try Current 1st Goal Final Goal 01/05/2006
Body Fat % 45.1 <30 <20 43.4

Starting off slow. I haven't been watching what and when I eat for the past several days. I also haven't been taking in very much water. I've just been trying to stop drinking pop. It's felt like torture the past several days not having all the caffeine, carbonation, and liquidy goodness. Last night we had our church small group over for a mexican food potluck. I ended up having a couple of cans of Coke Zero - no sugar, but plenty of caffeine I'm sure. It actually didn't taste too bad after not having pop for the past several days. I'll probably keep some around just in case the urge seems too great. That way at least I won't see it as "falling" off the wagon......more like "leaning" off the wagon.

Today was better as far as the pop cravings are concerned, so I'm thinking of trying to increase my water intake starting tomorrow. We'll see how I'm feeling in the morning. I also have a treadmill taking up space a few feet from where I'm plopped at the moment, hopefully the dust will be coming off it in the near future.

Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 28.8 lbs to go!

graindart - Thursday Jan 05, 2006
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 261.8

2006 1st Try Current 1st Goal Final Goal 01/05/2006
Weight (lbs.) 258.0 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 45.4 <30 <20 43.4

I never feel motivated to lose weight. However my best friend is trying to cut down on his pop / snacks, so I'm going to give it another try myself. I'll comment more later today.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 31.8 lbs to go!

GG on 01/05/2006:
You should never feel motivated to loose weight but feel motivated to become more healthy! If you keep your mindset on that, the pounds will come off a lot easier!

graindart - Sunday Dec 11, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 258.0

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 258.0 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 45.4 <30 <20 43.4

Well, not too bad the past couple of days. No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, and I got 125 ounces of water in each day. No exercise.

I did have a small stumble today. I was eating lunch at an AYCE buffet and without thinking I put some dessert on my plate, a small piece of pie and a small piece of rice krispies treat. About that time I remembered that I was on a diet and could've just let them sit on my plate, but decided to eat them. Oh well, tomorrow's probably going to be better.

Lunch was AYCE buffet = bacon, eggs, french toast, mac-n-cheese, ham, hashbrowns - just a little helping of each.

Dinner was a couple slices of pan pizza and a couple of breadsticks.

At least I'm not having a problem getting the water in right now.

graindart - Friday Dec 09, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 259.0

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 259.0 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 43.4 <30 <20 43.4
Exercise building snowman & snow fort

Day 3

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water, and some mild exercise.

The caffeine withdrawal headache's much less today. Flavored instant oatmeal for breakfast. Turkey club 8" sub and cup of clam chowder for lunch. Couple large slices of pan pizza and couple of breadsticks for dinner. I really wanted some Mt. Dew with the pizza.

The exercise for today consisted of playing in the snow with my 2 year old daughter. We built a snowman and then a snow fort. I'm starting to wonder if my daughter is really a boy. As soon as I got a 5 foot tall snowman built, she asks me if she can knock it down. I said sure, it took her a few tries, but she actually got it to tumble. Then I started on the snow fort and from the beginning she's asking if it's time to knock it over yet. We ended up knocking it down and then I ran over it a couple of times with a 4-wheeler for good measure.

graindart - Thursday Dec 08, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 258.0

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 259.0 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 44.2 <30 <20 43.4
Exercise none

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 ounces of water, no exercise. I'm concentrating on the water and knocking out the snacks / candy / pop / etc. The exercise will have to come a little later.

I still have a large headache, probably from caffeine withdrawal. Lunch was grilled chicken w/ fettucine alfredo. Dinner was a sweet potato, broccoli stuffed chicken breast, green beans, and a salad.

I miss the pop and I miss the eating all of the time. I do like having McDonalds for breakfast, then a midmorning 44oz of fountain Mt. Dew, large lunch out at a restaurant, then an afternoon 44oz of fountain Mt. Dew, some candy for a snack, large dinner at a restaurant w/ dessert, evening can of pop, and then capped off with a late night Taco Bell / Wendys / etc run. I guess listing my normal everyday eating habits, it's pretty easy to see why I weigh what I do. If only the word "moderation" was in my vocabulary. I realize that I could still maintain a normal weight and do all of the things I listed, if only I'd spread them out into a once a week type occurence......have the large pop one day, go out to dinner another day, have a late night snack another day. I'd hate to estimate what my typical day's caloric intake has been recently, probably in the 4000 calorie per day range.

I needed to run to the grocery store to pickup a salad for dinner. It was like running a gauntlet......chocolate mini pastries on the right, 3 racks of donuts on the left, Pepsi and Mtn Dew on sale, chips, candy, chocolate milk, and the list goes on. I'm only on day 2 of the diet, so I know that I can't afford even a little slip-up. One little slip-up this early in the game and I'll be taking a nosedive back into my overindulgences once again. I know that Christmas will be a planned "off the diet" day. I'll still need to avoid the pop, but I'm sure that it won't be my best food day. It'll be fine, as long as I'm back on the wagon for December 26th.

Anyways, it's been a successful day 2 and I'm off to bed. Hopefully I'll be here tomorrow with another successful day and in a little better mood.

squiggly on 12/09/2005:
First, thank you for your comments on my diary. Exercise is very important. I do feel a little friendly competition is good for weight loss. I'm not sure that is what is going on between you and your friend. If it is motivating to you to lose the weight because of your friend, that is great. Just remember that all in all you have to do this for YOU!!!! Getting rid of the pop is awesome. I had a huge pop problem. I've gotten past it and i know you can to. The headaches go away. You'll get to the point that it won't be so much of a craving. I drink lemonade water in place and it's so much better. YOu can accomplish your goals. YOu do have to exercise though. I know at the Y their treadmill is in front of a tv and it helps tremendously. Exercise can be boring but once you start to see results from it,you will feel so much better. I wish you the best.

graindart - Wednesday Dec 07, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 262.4

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 262.4 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 44.0 <30 <20 43.4
Exercise none

No pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm. I'm working on my last bottle of water to come to a total of 125 ounces of water. No exercise.

I have a big headache, that could easily be cured with a Mountain Dew right about now. There have been many times I've failed on day one, but not today. I'll at least make it to day two this time. ;)

Lunch was hotdogs and baked beans. Dinner was 1/2 of a take and bake pizza. Not the healthiest of choices, but better than many other days.

borntocry on 12/08/2005:
Hi graindart,

That's the spirit. You know some people say pizza is the perfect meal - there's carbohydrates in the bread, protein in the cheese and vegetables in the tomato sauce. And who cares how healthy it is anyway? The important thing is to cut down. I think you've made a great start. Healthy food is over-rated!

graindart - Tuesday Dec 06, 2005
(no pop, no snacks, nothing after 7pm, 125 oz water)
Weight: 261.8

2005 Last Chance Current 1st Goal Final Goal 12/06/2005
Weight (lbs.) 261.8 200 180 261.8
Body Fat % 43.4 <30 <20 43.4
Exercise none

I don't know what to say. I'm heavy. I eat crap all day long. I drink about 1,000 - 2,000 calories each day in pop (Mt.Dew & Pepsi) each day. I don't do hardly any exercise at all. I eat out usually twice each day. My clothes are starting to get snug and I'm at the largest size carried in a regular department store. Sometimes my throat feels fat / constricted and I wonder if I'm going to suffocate when I go to sleep. Sometimes I have problems swallowing food, although I don't know if this is from being fat, from my not chewing the food enough, just eating too fast, or a combination of some of the above.

With all of that said, you'd think I'd be unhappy or depressed, but I'm not. Most everything else in my life is great and I really don't dwell on the weight issue much. You'd also think that I'd be motivated to lose some weight, but I'm really not. I've had success with losing weight before. Back a couple of years ago (journaled on this site), I was able to drop from 250 to under 200 lbs. It didn't even take much time to accomplish. I do so much wrong when I'm not on a diet, that the second I get back on track the pounds just seem to fall off. My real problem is "moderation". I'm an all or nothing type person. When I dropped below 200 lbs a couple of years ago, I went off my diet and returned to my old way of eating / pop drinking, which of course caused me to gain the weight back. It was nice for a couple of months, being lighter and eating / drinking everything in sight, the best of both worlds.

Pertaining to food & exercise, I know my present way of living is just going to start causing me permanent harm if I don't get it under control. I know what works for me when it comes to losing weight. I just don't know why I don't feel motivated to get on track.

I've thought about making these type of entries "private" so others wouldn't read them. I feel embarrassed / ashamed having entries on here that show that I'm not perfect and don't always come out on top. I know it sounds silly (even to me as I write it). Why do I feel embarrassed? It's not like I'm admitting these things to work colleagues or someone else that might not understand or be able to relate. I know that I need to keep these entries public, partially for myself, but also for someone else having the same problems to know they're not unique in that way.

Well, I'm at about the highest weight I've ever been. I was thinking that maybe just taking some time and writing down how I feel about my weight would help motivate me to start a diet tomorrow. However I feel no more motivated than when I started this entry about a half an hour ago. I don't need a pep talk, I don't feel that I need support, I just need to decide to DO IT. Until that time I'll just be steadily gaining weight and getting further and further into the "danger zone".

Hopefully I wake up tomorrow and feel like starting. It'd be nice to be down a bit of weight before the start of the year. Although the lazy side of me says just wait until January 1st to start, like the majority of people (including myself in past years). Although if I wait until January 1st, I'll probably be closer to 270, instead of a possible 245 or so.

TheMother on 12/07/2005:
I'm am just blown away by your entry. Thank YOU so much for making it public because it really, really hit home for me as well. Please know that you are not alone and as you wrote not unique in your feelings. I, too, along with many others feel or have felt the way you are feeling now. I hope that today will be THE day that you decide to get back up on the horse and try again. There is no shame in failing, only in not trying again. We are all with you and I look forward to taking the journey with you.


TM (Pat)

borntocry on 12/07/2005:
Hi graindart,

I also want to thank you for making your entry public. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Because I've also gained back almost all the weight I lost over the past year. Okay, so it wasn't all that much weight but it was pretty tough for me and I feel like a fool and a failure for gaining it back. I could never believe how other people let that happen to them, and now it's happened to me.

I think it's an "all or nothing" personality problem. I am also quite an extremist. I lost weight fast and then I put it back on even faster. Well, I for one am not going to do that again. This time around I'm going to focus on lifestyle changes. I know that's easier said than done. But I believe that's what it takes. I want to make more reasonable changes in my life, so that I can stick to them this time. I think you should do the same thing. I know it's hard, especially at first, when you're fired with enthusiasm. But I believe it's the only way to break out of the cycle. Good luck!

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