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happy-1 - Saturday Feb 17, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Up late in a hormonal pity party. Slept in till 10. Missed getting up to help with food bank yard sale, but also didn't promise to show. Still feeling like I have a UTI and probably need new inhaler prescription so a doctor visit is in my future.

1:45 and regrouping. I think my target for the day is to make up the ham that is loitering in the fridge, fixing the kitchen screen door and a patio cleaning. It literally took all day yesterday and two trips to Home Depot to fix two faucets.

Since it was nice and I don't want to forget it, Mom bought me a an auto-refill water bowl for my dog, and a bunch of chicken wings for a belated Valentine's day.

----

3:45.... have achieved initial cleanup and deodorizing of patio. Discovered drill isn't charged though... so I will have to finish tomorrow. Next step tomorrow is to hang the door grill and seal up the screen, see what I can find in the way of flower pots to start transitioning the patio from abandoned to hanitable. I figure I will start with nasturtiums in recycled food containers. Those things grow anywhere

Ham is on... 3 hours to heat up!!!!

----

10am - oatmeal, coffee, extra cal from maple syrup and mocha coffee mix

2pm - turkey in tomato sauce and veggies, mozzarella

4pm - 2 oreos. Dad stole bag. I have to watch him more carefully.

7pm - sweet potato fries. Some more veg and turkey in tomato sauce. Not as good as I thought it would be... next time I will freeze

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/17/2018:
Nice of your Mom!

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Yeah, glad I made the ham up for them tonight. They are really enjoying it. I made them homemade coleslaw, sweet potato froes and spinach to go with it and peach jello with pineapples for dessert. I'm back on the horse and skipping all of it. But they are happy!



happy-1 - Friday Feb 16, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Caught up on 3 bad nights of sleep. Might have been sleep deprivation, not pms. Lots of plumbing work to do today.

---

Talked to my ex and shared how I was feeling about getting ignored for Valentine's day... It really didn't hit till today because I've been checking the mailbox all week for the card he said he sent and it wasn't there so I don't think it was ever there at all. I knew he was likely to not do anything for it and I knew that would make me sad so when we were planning to see each other I asked him to send me a card for Valentine's day and gave him my address and he said he would... and he's that kind of organized and he works in a drug store... he was literally surrounded by them for two weeks prior. When he called tonight I had a really hard time getting through to him why I was upset... I said no woman likes getting ignored for Valentine's day, that not sending the card made me feel like all I am is a **** budy... and that's not sexy. He took exception to the term "**** buddy", and said he was insulted. I said if it hurts you to hear it, then how do you think it feels to get that as the message... because that's what you are if you just spent a weekend with your guy and then just get a text on Valentine's day. He said, well I just didn't think we were there yet... i said I know we are just getting started that's why all I asked for is a card. I said if we aren't in a place where you feel any effort into sending a card on Valentine's day is warranted, then I never should have gone down there and I made a terrible mistake. I thought you really did miss me and were really into me. I feel dumb. Horribly, horribly dumb. And not sexy. Not one little bit. Then he said this really isn't a good time to talk and we hung up.

I really am dying to block his number. Just never ever hear from him again. But being desperate not to feel pain is just as bad as hanging onto someone and pretending everything is fine. Or jumping right back onto online dating when some dude is still sending you texts because he thinks he's planning to come see you and all you want to see is Jaws come eat him in one bite. Settled for deleting all his calls, texts, and voicemail, and phone contact. This way I can't impulsively text anything... only reply if he texts me. He's got his kids this weekend and I don't want to intrude.

I hate, hate, hate that I care this much about Valentine's Day. It's a stupid manufactured holiday. It really means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But I'm 40 and still working on getting even a bunch of flowers from a guy... let alone a Valentine's Day card. I just don't know what the magic combo is that unlocks that kind of attention.

I really miss UDG. He brought me a tactical tailor trauma medical pouch and dark chocolate once. Talk about someone who really gets you. Wish we were both healthier so a physical relationship was possible.

----

Up: 9:40

S: Oatmeal ... after that no idea what I hate today. It was. a lot, most of it not healthy. My feelings, coated in lard, salt and sugar.

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/17/2018:
Relationships are interesting...they are basically about mutual respect. I guess my main question is that, was there physical abuse with your ex..EVER...........if so LOSE HIM!....Don't look back...physical abuse doesn't get better..it gets worse or deadly and that isn't worth it at all. Respect isn't commanded...it's earned and since relationships with anyone are a give and take situation, we have to give respect and earn their trust before we may see their respect and trust for us.....relationships develop when there is a mutual need and desire. Since there has been a breakup with the ex...he may be especially leery now...and take longer to reconnect. On another note...my Schwans delivery guy wished me a Happy Valentines day...and so did D....I thanked both of them....but guess which one I truly appreciated. If the Ex has never been abusive and if you are truly interested in reconnecting with him....be nice to him and not with material things, and you should soon find out if he is really interested in a closer relationship....sorry...lots of Mom advice here...just tell me to shut up if you want....it's OK

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
No physical abuse. A year ago we did the attept at being more than friends. He gave me the whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" line about two months in so I stopped heading down there. Then he asked me to come down, but I didn't want to sleep over after the no relationship crap... so I let him know what days I was down there to snorkel and could find me on the beach. The first one he had a family brunch, and the beach was closed for hazmat cleanup. I felt really sick after being down there and was desperate to go home so I texted him to enjoy his brunch and I was headed home, then headed to meet a friend in Fullerton on the way back. I hadn't thought meeting up was a priority because he's just another dude in a lifetime of dudes that don't want me in their lives as an actual girlfriend. I'm not that hot and really weird... so nobody wants to bring me around friends or family and that's when I bail. Apparently he had decided he wanted a relationship and was angry that I didn't meet up with him. Several months of mean texts from him followed. It was like he was in a spin and just wanted to unleash on me. I just deleted them as they came in. Around November he started sounding more normal so we started talking again and I canceled a couple of times... would just get inexplicably anxious and not be ready to drive down. Mostly I'd think about the mean texts and then something else would seem huge and impossible. So this time I took it head on and said in order for me to feel good and less stressed and be able to head down, I need two things. I need a promise that you will not send any more mean texts... there's something about getting a mean note out of nowhere that just makes my heart pound and all I want to do is crawl into a corner for the rest of the day. I also need you to acknowledge me afterward for Valentine's day and send a card. I'm going to feel super vulnerable if we spend the weekend together, I have a super hard time with that day because I have never been the recipient of anything for that holiday in my lifetime and since we will have just spent the weekend together... so any absence of thought or effort from you is really going to be a gut punch, because I really need the guy who thinks I am Valentine's worthy. I'm going to be sweating bullets till it is over. So please be kind and send a card so I don't feel ignored or disrespected. I will send you one too.


bearcountrygg on 02/17/2018:
Me Again...LOL...UDG......sounds like he is thoughtful as you say he listened to your interests...you say you miss him...sounds like your heart is with him....but apparently there are problems too. One really good thing that is coming out of these 2 relationships is that you are leaning what you like in a guy...and what you don't like. Maybe there is someone out there with all of their good qualities.....

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Right? Feels bad to jump on OkCupid again when things are unresolved, so I'll give it till Tuesday. In the meantime I'll just work on stuff and try to keep busy.

As far as material things go, all I asked for was a card. It wasn't the card, it was that it was effort and a demonstration that he was listening and heard me and didn't want me to feel bad on Valentine's Day.

I don't know how to feel better if I tell a guy that something is important to me, why it is important to me and that it is really necessary.

Everyone has their something they really need. For you it might be that D is home every night. For me, it is that if I tell someone something is important to me, they make it happen. I also need to be acknowledged on holidays because I get so down on them I can hardly stand up when I'm not.

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Right? Feels bad to jump on OkCupid again when things are unresolved, so I'll give it till Tuesday. In the meantime I'll just work on stuff and try to keep busy.

As far as material things go, all I asked for was a card. It wasn't the card, it was that it was effort and a demonstration that he was listening and heard me and didn't want me to feel bad on Valentine's Day.

I don't know how to feel better if I tell a guy that something is important to me, why it is important to me and that it is really necessary.

Everyone has their something they really need. For you it might be that D is home every night. For me, it is that if I tell someone something is important to me, they make it happen. I also need to be acknowledged on holidays because I get so down on them I can hardly stand up when I'm not.


Donkey on 02/17/2018:
(((hugs))) I know what it's like to eat one's emotions, and it's not a happy place to be. Gotta have hope that brighter days are ahead. I'm not sure the Ex is part of that. He's an Ex for a very good reason, it seems.

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Yeah, figured it was worth a second try, especially since what I was churning up on OKC was soo disappointing... but just had better wrapping and a lot of history.


bearcountrygg on 02/17/2018:
The ex sounds like he isn't into commitment. I really believe that the right guy will come along. HUGS!

happy-1 on 02/17/2018:
Thank you! Hugs!



happy-1 - Thursday Feb 15, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Super PMS, but overall doing better off the Adderall. Having some "pms irritability" but not the two weeks of crankypants behavior.

Friction with my mom last night because she wrote a nasty note across my to do list that I forgot in the bathroom, and then didn't like that I said that I felt it was mean and hurtful.

Friction with my dad because I woke up when I heard a crash in his room, checked on him but then didn't want to stay up talking to him because I was desperately tired... But he wouldn't let me go back to bed so it turned into a fight.

More friction with my dad today because I gave him and my mom valentine's day cards, and he never does anything for anyone on any holiday so he interrupted me hile I was working to explain how he doesn't follow certain societal norms around gift giving occasions and I didn't want to hear it. It's basically "I didn't give you anything for holiday ____ and this is why you shouldn't see it as mistreatment or be mad at me. Now I'm going to ask you to do me a favor _____." Normally I ignore it, but today my anger showed.

Argh.

But overall, not as bad as last month. Trying to calm the raging beast inside.

---

It occurs to me that part of my anger is that my ex didn't do anything for me for Valentine's Day, just sent a text. Some women know how to get guys to do stuff for them, but I don't. Or not him at least. I do not feel that a "Happy Valentine's Day" text is sufficient for a woman you just spent the weekend with and have been after for a year for another shot.

I did know I would feel this way ahead of time and set it up twice that he should send me a card and my address. But it didn't happen. I did feel that a $1.50 was in his budget. 

I really, really, really just want to block him on my phone. Move on. Start over. But it feels a little "This toy is broken. I need a new one." and people aren't disposable.

---

Let my BetterHelp account go on hold. I've got too much stress on my cashflow right now and it is something that isn't strictly necessary. Plus I am not sure if it really helps anymore. Just one more thing I need to do every day that is more than I can get done. Could really use it today though. Like if I go on OkCupid again after not getting a Valentine's card, is that cheating? I don't really feel like sitting around for him to figure out his ****up and make it right.

---

Quote of the day is from a personal trainer on Meetup who said when asked why the workouts are free "The best contribution is good energy and friends :)"

---

B: Coffee, half and half, oatmeal

S: Skipped

L: Skipped

S: Put a pizza from Trader Joe's on. Eating my feelings.

S: 4 oreos and some milk. Tasted weird so i trashed it

S:

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/15/2018:
Hope things calm down for you...

happy-1 on 02/15/2018:
Thanks. Hugs.

happy-1 on 02/15/2018:
But I create my own drama.

happy-1 on 02/15/2018:
But I create my own drama.


innerpeace on 02/16/2018:
I think you have help with that drama, it is not just of your own making! I too hope things get better for you. I know living with your parents must be hard and I hope they appreciate everything you do.

happy-1 on 02/16/2018:
Aw, thank you. I figure I create my own drama because I put myself in a position to live with my parents, and I made a choice to go see my ex in SD.



happy-1 - Wednesday Feb 14, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Happy Valentine's Day! Got a happy Valentine's text from my ex. That was nice. I sent him a card that has two chihuahuas sharing snacks. Just mailed it Monday but it might take a couple of days. I celebrated on my own by getting a bang trim and lunch at my fav burrito place.

---

Woke up late... 9 am. Dad nuked tinfoil at 3am. Took me a long time to get back to sleep so I must have just kept hitting snooze.

---

Freebirds is delicious but I get very little done here. And it is a huge amount of calories... Decent afternoon alternative to starbucks for sure... but maybe not such a good idea.

---

Ooops... Not sure how I lost 1.2 lbs... in spite of myself apparently. I used MyFitness Pal to setup some recipes for the week... and came up with over 4000 calories for one day! Obviuosly not doing this tomorrow... but oops!!!!

MP: Power Oatmeal, 1 serving(s) 689 100 23 27 364 18
MP: Coffee and Half and Half, 1 serving(s) 81 3 7 2 30 0
MP: Kellogg's Quiche, Broccoli, Sweet Potato + Smart Balance + Drink Mix, 1 serving(s) 593 72 19 37 458 12
MP: Deli Lettuce Wrap + Veg + Dressing + Cheese Stick + Sweet Potato Crackers, 1 serving(s) 722 17 48 53 3,249 8
MP: Hummus, Veggies, Crackers, Cheese, 1 serving(s) 462 40 28 16 562 11
MP: Yogurt, berries, paleo granola, 1 serving(s) 1,208 88 87 28 488 57
MP: 2 Roasted Chicken Thighs + Veg + Smart Balance, 1 serving(s) 541 15 38 43 315 4
  4,296 335 250 206 5,466 110

 

----

9am S: oatmeal and coffee, double serving on accident. Extra calories from half n half and maple syrup. Think there's something wrong with the cinnamon I used.

B: skipped

L: also skipped. Was dyeing my hair and was kind of full.

1:30pm - s: carne asada burrito bowl at freebirds, all the fixings.

4pm - extra snack... freebirds brownie

D: omg... post track workout I devoured a double bacon cheeseburger in a lettuce wrap from five guys

S:5 chicken wings and a mini pizza because **** it... i ran till i peed myself and then had to keep running. I deserve pizza.

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/14/2018:
I nuked something with a tiny amt of metal once....BIG FLAMES!!!!

happy-1 on 02/14/2018:
yeah... it was drama... and my microwave... glad to still be here!


graindart on 02/15/2018:
A few years back on the 4th of July, my dad (in his mid-60's) and 17 year old nephew thought it would be funny to throw a brick of firecrackers in the outside vent from the microwave. Destroyed the microwave. Entire family and some friends were over at our house for the holiday (25+ people). I was instantly furious, but able to keep control of my external emotions. I didn't blow up or start yelling, but I'm sure my face was probably bright red with eyes shooting daggers. My dad's only late-60's now, but his sense of judgement appears to be on the decline over the past few years.

happy-1 on 02/15/2018:
Lol!!! That sounds like something from Dukes of Hazard!!!!

Judgement or increased willingness to take risks before there are no more to take?


horn_of_plenty on 02/15/2018:
yep 4000 cal is def too much per day lol.

glad you had a nice Valentines - me too - i spent it happy at the gym!

happy-1 on 02/15/2018:
Good for your heart!!!



happy-1 - Tuesday Feb 13, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Up: 7:50 Vyvanse took 2h to kick in... augh. Brain felt like a slug despite extra coffee. Slept really well though. It was nice to fall asleep to rain. We get so little here. It rarely rains, but when it does, its whenI left a half done project out that shouldn't have gotten wet.

---

Omg... I made the best burrito bowls. The mexican coleslaw was what put it over the top... shredded carrots, red peppers, red onions, jalapeño, red cabbage, and jicama. Lime juice, garlic, honey, olive oil dressing. Omg!!!! How have I never thought to do that before ????

---

Note to self: Making lunch instead of dinner kills all productivity for today. Only other thing accomplished today was purchase of a pair of slip on canvas shoes, grey shorts, and a pink tank top for summer. Last year I waited too long to buy summer stuff an the only stuff available in my size was hideous or poor quality. I don't need much but I'd like what I buy to look good.

------

Did not make it to bootcamp. Teeth in back on left side hurt like the dickens all of a sudden. Glad I paid dental insurance but it doesn't kick in till July. Augh.

------

8am S: coffee and half and half, oatmeal

B: skipped

S: skipped

12pm L: turkey burrito bowl with a lot of veggies.

2pm S: round 2 of burrito bowl, since I skipped 2 meals and have bootcamp tonight.

D: trader joes pizza and 5 pumpkin oreos because painkillers. Ow

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2018:
glad you got good sleep...i sleep well every night these days...i can knock out, without help of any drugs at all, 10hrs easy at a clip!

happy-1 on 02/19/2018:
***burns***


bearcountrygg on 02/13/2018:
We are usually in bed by 10...and up by 5.....for us keeping that routine works.....and P.S.......I LOVE RAIN...especially when it is BEATING ON THE ROOF!!!!


bearcountrygg on 02/13/2018:
The burrito bowl sounds really good....never had one of those.

happy-1 on 02/13/2018:
LOL. They are a staple here. It's a way to limit your "hard" calories and still feel full. Just a little bit of meat, beans, spanish (cauliflower) rice, and cheese... Then load it up the rest of the way with veggies, herbs and cabbage shreds... Feels like you ate this HUGE meal for very few calories.


bearcountrygg on 02/14/2018:
Sounds really good.......the west coast and the Midwest have such different foods......I believe I have already said that about the east coast too...LOL Well I could say that about the south too! Viva le Difference! That does sound good.......It sounds light and tasty. I think here we are still into the warming comfort foods...and they are so heavy...but for our cold climate we do go to the heavy stuff....chili, lasagna, stew.....so...BIG Question...do you just put it all into a regular bowl? Or..........do you use a tortilla on the bottom?

happy-1 on 02/14/2018:
No tortilla. Going grain free... thus the bowl... Think burrito filling on the bottom.. beans, cheese, meat, then a salad and salsa and avocado on top.


horn_of_plenty on 02/14/2018:
turkey burrito bowl sounds AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!


Maria7 on 02/14/2018:
Hope you are feeling better today. :-)



happy-1 - Monday Feb 12, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 232.2

Ex found the spare key in the cup holder of his car. So I didn't lose it after all. Feel kind of bad that I went home last night instead of staying till this morning but I missed my dog and I was eating a lot of delicious simple carbs. Back on track today though.

-------

Up: 8am - a lot of neck pain so I stuck around the house longer than I should have cleaning and doing laundry . Got sucked into taking my dad out. Bought him lunch because he agreed to go to diner instead of mcdonalds. Then we went to the 99cent store where I lost him, freaked, then found him out by my car.

2:25pm... laying down for an hour to calm down. My heart is just pounding in my chest.

---

Got a recruiter call for a job that was way over my head, but a good company. B of A. It required someone who was good at Blueprint process orchestration and getting everyone in the company to agree on stuff... That's usually what my boss does... But they only wanted to pay in my range, lol.

----

Didn't realize till I posted my dinnertime snack that I forgot to log my weight today! I lost 1.2 lbs hanging out with my ex this weekend despite all the junk food I consumed Sat night and Sun lunch.

----

S: oatmeal, coffee, half and half

B: kellog crustless quiche, broccoli

S: 2 cheese sticks and some crackers, I think. A little fuzzy on what I ate today

L: cheese burger in a lettuce wrap. Split an order of sweet potato fries with my dad. Ranch dressing side.

S: A whole bag of Popped sweet potato chips. So freaking addictive. Ate out of frustration when I got home when my dad interrupted my nap because he was so excited about our lunchtime conversation.

D: two servings of turkey meat sauce and spaghetti. I dunno if I was hungry or frustrated.

S: a valentine's cake pop at starbucks, posting homework and burning off aggravation with mom.

Ms: 10:30 pm- top ramen because it's raining and I am starving

Progress as of today: 75.8 lbs lost so far, only 52.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/12/2018:
It is scary when you lose sight of them...been there...done that too. I'm happy to see you spent some time with your Dad though.

happy-1 on 02/12/2018:
I aged 10 years. My heart is still pounding in my chest.


bearcountrygg on 02/12/2018:
When they start acting like 3 year olds you really have to treat them like they are....It's like taking a three year old shopping and having them too big to fit into the seat In the cart....they wander off and unlike kids...no one else in the store thinks there is a problem with them going out the door....if he had been a 3 year old someone would probably have noticed.

happy-1 on 02/12/2018:
I think maybe 12 right now? The thing is he can't see very well so he follows people who look like me except I used to be fatter so he follows orher women thinking they are me.


bearcountrygg on 02/13/2018:
oh.....it's so sad dealing with parents as they literally become childlike. If your dad can't see well that says a lot....he must have been so confused standing at the car waiting.....My father in law actually walked behind D's sister as she mowed the grass, my Mom danced in her driveway and totally freaked the neighbors out...sad....I'm at the age too...and I am really working on keeping my mind active with puzzles etc.....because I definately see D taking after his dad and I need to be able to take care of him.....My FIL was diagnosed with dementia...my mom had basically been goofy my whole life..

happy-1 on 02/13/2018:
More like obstinate. He knew he was supposed to wait for me at checkout. He's there mentally so far. He's not rhat old, It's related to diabetes so it is something he could have controlled if he had stepped away from the mcdonalds and gone for walks


horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2018:
congrats on your weight loss..keep up the good work on job hunting & searching - that requires so much effort & patience.

happy-1 on 02/13/2018:
Thank you!!!! One step at a time.


bearcountrygg on 02/13/2018:
I guess I should say that my Mom had 1 head injury before I was born...and than another head injury in a car accident when I was 10.


bearcountrygg on 02/13/2018:
Yes...diabetes does affect the brain....I'm seeing it in D now......and other relatives. He may also be in a battle to control with you too...

happy-1 on 02/13/2018:
Yeah. He's what do you call it... oppositional defiant? like if someone in "power" or an authority tells him he should do something, he tells them to stuff it. So ergo, nothing I can do.



happy-1 - Sunday Feb 11, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 233.4

Kind of off diet track Fri - Sun. Went down to SD to see ex and had a very nice time. Stuck around an extra day and got my brain back together. Am currently in his comfy chair tackling scary tasks and applying for jobs... Something that I've been kind of spacing out on.

He was even very nice when I lost his house key. Sigh.

It's just so good to get hugs and hang with a friend to relax.

Progress as of today: 74.6 lbs lost so far, only 53.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/12/2018:
i spaced out a bit this weekend too....it's such like you described...a paralyzing feeling :(...

took me thru lots of eating just to do laundry...glad it's all done, though...

happy-1 on 02/12/2018:
Hugs, I'm listening to American Gods on Audible. Super relaxing.


bearcountrygg on 02/12/2018:
You flew to S.D.? I'm glad to hear you had a good time.....applying for jobs in S.D?

happy-1 on 02/12/2018:
Drove down. Just 2hrs. Just went down to hang out for the day to hang out with my ex and came back up last night. He'll come up next time. He's on a cycle of half days off till they can do another hire.



happy-1 - Friday Feb 09, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 233.4

Was up at 7 but spent till 10 in a kind of paralysis and not tackling the chores I need to do. Realized that it's because I am supposed to drive down to SD tomorrow to see my ex and I am in a paralysis from all the mean texts he sent. I just keep flashing through them and even though I deleted them from my phone as soon as they came in I remember the horrible sick feeling from the onslaught and freeze up.

---- Up - 7 S: 7- mp coffee oatmeal, late taking vyvanse at 8 B: mp - kellogs quiche, broccoli, more oatmeal S: mp - two no added nitrite turkey lettuce rolls with ranch. L: mp - apple slices, pb, paleo cookie S: mp - sweet potato fries, southwest dressing, extra was trail mix D: mp - cabbage salad, beans, rice, veg, bean burger, diet coke

Progress as of today: 74.6 lbs lost so far, only 53.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/09/2018:
Hugs...


Donkey on 02/10/2018:
Maybe pass on driving down to see the Ex. Food-wise looks like you had a good day.



happy-1 - Thursday Feb 08, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 233.4

There is nothing that puts me as full of hope as making a new female friend with her act together. K is a super cool lady I met at that meetup superbowl party and hit it off with. We got together for breakfast this morning and it was fun to sit and talk to her for a while. Have been really lonely with Molly not feeling hot and it was good just to sit and talk to someone with similar interests. She has a startup idea for dog owners that includes a social networking site and offered to pay me to do it for her... I winced at the "newbie" move but she's getting her international doctorate in business and knows how to do market research studies so I said I'd help her refine her idea if she helped me with my meal planning idea and we can just hang out and help each other.

She invited me to two things this weekend, lol. Except I am on my way down to see my ex this weekend and see if we can make another go of it. Happy Valentine's weekend to me!

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Went on a terrible OKcupid date last night that made my ex down in SD look good.

He deliberately avoided any personal questions on the phone and just wanted to meet in person... But I was just happy to meet him for coffee at Starbucks... It might have been a bad day for him and he was worn out, or it might have been the terrible choice of Starbucks (poorly managed location that was disgustng and uncomfortable), or it might be that he is more confused about picking a partner than I am... But it was really aggravating to go through. He is a 46yo British ex pat who is a religous Muslim, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, and doesn't like living with pets and expects his partner to give up their dog or cat in order to live with him because he is allergic... or leave them at home to come to his place. He also doesn't like camping or doing anything that breaks a sweat outdoors. When asked why he isn't trying to find a nice lady in his group of friends, he answered that those women all want financial security (doctor, lawyer, engineer) and that he can't offer them that. But western women are more business minded and just want love and loyalty... and that he can do. He clearly pre-qualified me as not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, which left "dog owner" as his last obstacle. He positioned it as that if I held out for a guy that likes dogs, I would have to compromise and put up with cheating. When asked what he likes to do he said "I love to laugh and I am really funny." But nothing he said was funny... So I tried plling his chain with a fish story and he didn't call me out on it... And I let it stand because I suddenly felt awkward. So I ended up leaving and feeling bad because I inadvertently lied when I was trying to tease him with a preposterous fish story.

Never mind that on my profile my list of dealbreakers he hit like 5. 

UGH. HUMAN SPAM.

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Back on the horse for a new 60 day challenge. I want to do all the "homework" the strength training daily challenges this round. I always struggle with habit consistency so this will be a big challenge. I bought an 8x10 tarp I can spread out in fronnt of my house and put a yoga mat on to do the homework.

From the challenge summary:

  • Each day you will be asked to perform either a Cardio or an Interval Training Workout
  • Each day you will be asked to perform Homework--a prescribed number of non-timed movements.
  • Each day you will be asked to adhere to the Nutrition Plan provided in the Guides section of the app. Pro Tip: Pack up your food in small containers, so that it is readily available throughout the day.
  • Each day you will be asked to eat an appropriate amount of vegetables.
  • Each day you will be asked to avoid simple carbs.
  • Each day you will be asked to get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep.
  • Each day you will be asked a simple, open-ended question about a topic relevant to the challenge. This will be shared with other participants on the challenge feed.
  • Each day you will be asked to read a brief article on fitness or nutrition.
  • Each day you will be reminded of a healthy habit and maybe asked to give it some consideration.
  • Each day you should be able to get through all of the challenge tasks within 60 minutes. 

 

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Up: 8:30AM

S: Oatmeal, Coffee, half and half

B: Noah's Bagels eggwhite power sandwich, iced tea, 

S:

L:

S:

D:

S:

Progress as of today: 74.6 lbs lost so far, only 53.4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/08/2018:
Well....you did a lot of learning there.....Sounds like that bad date clarified a lot of things.

happy-1 on 02/08/2018:
Omg... right???

I started making a list of deal breakers by "gate" like what I need to know after 3dates, 10 dates, 3 months, etc


Donkey on 02/08/2018:
Your new friend sounds so exciting! I hope that your friendship continues to grow :-)

happy-1 on 02/08/2018:
Right??? That would be amazing.



happy-1 - Tuesday Feb 06, 2018
(Paleo + beans + oatmeal + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 233.4

In bed at 10 and up on time at 7. Already ate so no weigh in.

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B: oatmeal walnuts raisin protein powder margerine

Progress as of today: 74.6 lbs lost so far, only 53.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/06/2018:
yep. i like to weigh in empty too!


horn_of_plenty on 02/06/2018:
laughing at your response back to me ;)


horn_of_plenty on 02/06/2018:
breakfast sounds tasty...lately i carb load my breakfasts...on the weekend i have one of the lighter cereals, still tastes good (with onyxorgum) and dried cranberries and almond milk..so tasty. but it doesn't stick with me - i'm hungry in two hours!

happy-1 on 02/06/2018:
That's why I like oatmeal. Sticks to your ribs, especially with a flax meal and chia meal boost. Rock solid in my tummy.


bearcountrygg on 02/06/2018:
I've been into the walnuts lately too...and weigh ins before eating are a lot more enjoyable.



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