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happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 25, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Despite all oversleeping/lack of sleeping past few days, I was up on time and out this morning with my dog to see if I could get her a new harness. While I was switching them out, she decided that she had had enough and decided to head on out back to the car. I've never seen her move so easily and efficiently on linoleum before. Aged like 10 years. Whoever came up with the idea of automatic doors for a pet store was an idiot. Augh.

---

 

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/25/2018:
Oh wow...I feel your pain....a dog got away from me twice the other day...scary!

happy-1 on 04/26/2018:
Oh geez... where did you lose yours?


horn_of_plenty on 04/26/2018:
i agree, makes no sense to have automatic doors at a pet store...they probably think how customers' hands are always full holding onto pets...lol...so they can't open the door...who knows!


bearcountrygg on 04/26/2018:
Luckily mine stayed in the yard....and came running back to me on his own when he realized I was going to feed him...LOL...but it really scared me...I would never want to have to go looking for one of these hounds and have to put them in the car...they would jump allover the place...including on me...and they are BIG!!!

happy-1 on 04/29/2018:
Yeah, I dunno what I did to stop my dog from jumping... She was an adult with bad habits when I adopted her and jumping was an issue... I think I just turned and said NO and ignored her until she was calm and steady.


Maria7 on 04/26/2018:
Glad you caught your dog.


Donkey on 04/26/2018:
Hope your first day of dog sitting went well!



happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 25, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Omg. Piercing your own ears really hurts and I don't recommend it.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/25/2018:
I'm afraid I would only end up with one pierced.......50 years ago the lines were very long....at a nearby mall...and I got out of line a couple of times...and finally got it done...but it was no fun!

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
Yeah... i did it as a teen at the mall but am not that into jewelry so I haven't bothered with it and they closed up... i was at the mall the other day and all the earrings that you could get them to do it for you with were ugly so I bought some studs I liked and diy-d it.... ow!!!!!!


horn_of_plenty on 04/25/2018:
ouch did they close up or something! piercing doesn't cost that much, HAPPY!

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
But the earrings were so ugly... i wanted cute studs so I wouldn't take them out.

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
I bought funky little silver triangles... love them.


graindart on 04/25/2018:
My best friend showed up at my work a long time ago when I was 18. He brought with him a big diaper pin and some ice. Showed me his newly pierced ear and said I should do it. Was bored, so said sure. Used the ice to numb the ear and then he tried shoving the needle through the earlobe. For whatever reason it took a lot of effort to get the giant pin through my ear. Felt fine for about a minute, but then the pain came when the numbness wore off. Memories.....

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
I 100% can picture you doing that. I can also 100% picture you stitching yourself up after a mountain bike accident and telling your girls how important it is to have first aid skills as they watch.


bearcountrygg on 04/25/2018:
Mine were done back in the days of earrings with points to push through....sounds like what you have...but today they do it with a gun...faster for sure.

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
I used a sewing needle from my mom's sewing box and a lighter. The diaper pin would have been a better choice. Ice would have been smarter. I'm flashing back to a chick I went to high school with who bred snakes and did fancy vampire makeup. She wasn't at the reunion. I might have to track her down. I bet she has kids and runs the pta now



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 24, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Up at 9:30. Forgot to weigh in. Was up till 2 am with homework and packing. I felt pretty awful yesterday but feel almost human today. I leave for dog sitting early Thursday AM. The new dog sounds like a handful... separation anxiety, barking, chewing, dominance... asked them to leave his leash so I can walk them on quieter streets. The only thing to do with that much energy is to give the dog a job... like a pack where they carry water or make a delivery... and walk them till they wear out. A tired dog is a good dog. Hopefully he has an easy walk harness... but upgrading my dog's harness and repairing her old one just became a priority. I think I will bring her pack and her tactical vest (annual Halloween costume, she's a cop and I'm an inmate, but the vest really does carry weight. I just got the size wrong and couldn't return it so it is relegated to Halloween). I bet it will fit a great big horny teenage bulldog just fine though.

And I think it's time to use up the pepperoni, cheese, wheat flour, rice flour and peanut butter in the freezer that isn't on my diet and make some tasty dog treats. A dog who has to work for treats is a much better listener. I think I am going to burn a lot of calories the next two weeks. I really wish I had bought that dog ramp for my car. Bulldogs are heavy and have short legs. 

---

 

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/24/2018:
Sounds like you have some excitement coming up.....I'm working right now with some very strong dogs too.....they can pull that lead right out of you hands very easily....hope it goes well...

happy-1 on 04/24/2018:
Yeah, that's why I like the easy walk ones... They just pivot/fall and can't pull... there's no cruelty.


Donkey on 04/24/2018:
Glad you are feeling a little better today. Wow, what a challenge with the new dog. Cats are more my thing, so I feel I'm out of my league if I comment other than to say Good Luck! :-)

happy-1 on 04/25/2018:
100% expected the cougar mom to have cats.



happy-1 - Monday Apr 23, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

227.2... feel like I have a fever and my whole body hurts. And it is a super hot day. And I need to not move my car so I have a parking spot for when they pour the concrete tomorrow... augh. My body is a cranky toddler that wants a snack and a nap and I must be it's master... but everything hurts... Waiting for the sun to go down a little bit so I can walk my dog to the park. I feel like poop. I really do. Maybe it's my coffee... it's pinon nuts and I depend on my morning cup to open up my lungs for air. All I want is some Starbucks and a brownie.

---

9am - oatmeal w coconut oil, coffee, 3 creamers

11am  - 2 eggs, 1 sausage link, 1/2 a sweet potato

1pm - milk chocolate candy bar

5pm - greek yogurt, blueberries

9pm - 2 cheese sticks and some 3 seed sweet potato crackers

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/23/2018:
Hope tomorrow brings better feelings.

happy-1 on 04/23/2018:
Thanks! I'll feel better if I can get some real coffee tomorrow I think. Started feeling better about 5pm.

happy-1 on 04/23/2018:
Thanks! I'll feel better if I can get some real coffee tomorrow I think. Started feeling better about 5pm.


Donkey on 04/23/2018:
Super hot? In April? Oh my... Well, come to think of it, it was a little over-warm in the office today.

Some days are best left behind us. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

happy-1 on 04/23/2018:
Found my Bluetooth speaker at least!!!


horn_of_plenty on 04/24/2018:
Super hot sounds GOOD to me...lol we all are jealous of the warmth...

feel better, HAPPY!



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 21, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

226.9 progress in the right direction. I missed my workout yesterday and had half a box of mac n cheese at 10pm to encourage carb coma. Dog had the other half. I'll try oatmeal tonight to see if it does the same thing but with fiber, complex carbs, and less junk. Plus I try to save stuff that has a good shelf life for the zombie apocalypse and my dog has started refusing dinner to hold out for delicious mac n cheese and she shouldn't be eating that crap either.

Feeling more human today. Woke up at 7:30, but vyvanse knocked me out again. I had coffee ready but fell asleep next to it as soon as it hit my bloodstream. I was like ah! There's my brain! Zonk! Snore.

Class orientation today at 2. I think they sent me the wrong version of the textbook because it doesn't match the syllabus.

Parents went grocery shopping. I can't go shopping till they go and I see how much room is left in the freezer. Plus I leave wed to go dog sit and anything I have in the fridge freezer needs to go into my cooler. Leaving them with an empty fridge and then trying to use less space in it when I get back. Make them happy.

I'm hoping my friend's freezer will be empty and I can freeze gallon jugs of water for my cooler. Seriously tempted by the huge 7-day bear-resistant coolers I saw at walmart in tan for $139... my cooler is 5 day and not at all bear-resistant. I just pack extra food in my bear barrels in case I get raided. I guess I need to get on track with my diet and fitness and be 100% this week and next so I "earn" a $200 splurge on a cooler, camp pillows and a gerber folding shovel/pick.

Went back on JustOKcupid. Too lonely. I think the very thought of hanging out with my ex subconsciously made me too tired to do anything because I don't really want to hang out with him but I don't want to say that because I don't have enough friends to hang out with. And also because I actually don't feel so awesome but not as bad as my brain is telling me I feel... I think that since everytme I have seen him the follow up has been off... he tells me he doesn't want a relationship or he didn't send me a Valentine's Day card till March 7... and each time it gave me a "churn period" where I had to psych myself back to being happy and productive again... my lizard brain equates that to a dinosaur that wants to eat me and triggers the fight/flight response. So it's like when something really terrible happens and you have stress/adrenal fatigue. Like tomorrow he goes back to work and can't drive up to see me so I feel "safe" and can come out of hibernation... so I feel better but it's like I've been through a mugging, house fire, etc. and am really tired.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 04/21/2018:
I hope your orientation went well today. I'm very excited for you!

Some relationships can just be too draining. I had an ex-boyfriend that didn't work out because the relationship had too much drama. Couldn't even be "just friends". The problem was that we needed different things from each other, and neither one could deliver. Had to say good-bye to a nice, funny, brilliant man :-(

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
Aw, right? Like two puzzle pieces that are both sky but don't fit

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
And yeah, the orientation was ok. The instructor was really making a big deal out of my experience... I said after... look... I've been doing elder care for 3 years. I'm not the hot shot I used to be. I just need employment. Any employment.


bearcountrygg on 04/21/2018:
Sometimes the text books are just a formality...I once had a college class where we never een opened the book...big ol waste of money that was....but it was a good class in the end because it was ALL question and answer.

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
It is a bunch of posts from around the web in a word doc. It's a bunch of tech guys who have incomprehensible documentation for their projects and have tried to make courseware out of it. I've got it as a word doc and am just going to rework it as I go to make sense out of it. The important thing is that the concepts are on the right track and they do job plalacement.


Maria7 on 04/22/2018:
Thank you for what you wrote to my entry, and I hope you have a good day.


Horn_of_plenty on 04/22/2018:
job placement is the best thing...it really helps what i am worst at which is finding / getting a job on my own...still working on that / working out is what i'm doing now!



happy-1 - Friday Apr 20, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

228.2... Holding steady depite missed workouts, not enough sleep, feeling awful, and a couple of boxes of mac n cheese to get me to sleep for "carb coma". I'll count that as a win.

Got my haircut today!!! Hurray! I can see through my bangs. I did a bit of a walk around the mall but the only things I bought were a pair of stud earrings (so I can re-pierce my ears at home) and a set of lidded trays to organize my am/pm routines. Together, that was my $30 I have "earned" in splurges on my challenge over the last 2 weeks. I am particularly excited about the trays because it takes me forever to do every little thing and maybe this way I will do all the little health habits I am trying to build. Just work my way from left to right.

Came home feeling like I ran a marathon and everything hurts. Parents were out at hometown buffet and I had some delicious quiet for a couple of hours. Mom wanted to watch tv with me but I have 3 chapters to read tonight for class tomorrow at 2... I asked if I could have the space for a little bit since I don't feel well enough to go out to Starbucks right now. She graciously agreed.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/21/2018:
You are learning a lot about yourself and your parents...WONDERFUL!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
Trying. My outlook on life is so much better with better hair, that's for sure.


Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2018:
good for you on being back at school :) i applaud you on that!!!!

keep up the good work, happy!

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
One day at a time



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 19, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Up at 7:30 but couldn't get coffee right away because my dad was in the kitchen and my vyvanse knocked me straight out when it hit. So actually up at 10. So weird that amphetamines make me fall asleep. Maybe I should take them at bedtime instead. Had the worst insomnia last night and only ended it with mac n cheese. Carb coma.

So much to do when I open my eyes in the AM. At least the rats don't seem to be partying in the third bedroom... no poop on the floor. Probably because there's no food available there. Nobody eats in there.

No bodies in any of the traps I put out, but I swear I hear squeaks.

I was like a dead fish at the track yesterday and just walked it for 35 min.

Today I will go see a movie. I don't feel so good.

----

Had to pass on seeing my ex today/tomorrow. I finally hung that grate on my screen door to keep flies out and it wore me out. Then I dyed my hair and finished my energy off. I can't even pull together what it would take to do my nails, shave, hair, makeup, dress... and try to be out and girly and fun. All I really want is to hole up in a hotel room away from my parents house and the rat war... by myself for a week and decompress. Dog sitting starts the 25 and can't come soon enough.

---

Decided that it is unacceptable that I cannot pull my **** together to go on a date with my ex and decided to take tonight to streamline. Have shaved my legs, put away anything that doesn't feel great to wear, packed all the food I have in the fridge/freezer into ready to go meals, and will do my nails before bed. Discovered that not counting sweats or gym clothes, I have 3 pairs of pants, 5 shirts, 1 skirt, 2 jackets, and 2 dresses total... but that's fine... all major life activities are actually covered... and it's almost a capsule wardrobe.

Hairdresser is squeezing me in tomorrow morning for a trim, and with any luck I can get my ears re-pierced tomorrow at the mall. It's been so long since I've bothered with earrings, they closed up.

Dug out my eye cream, skin cream, and tooth whitening trays. 30 days of regular usage should give me quite the after photo for this challenge cycle. July 1 my dental coverage kicks in and I might get some bonding done. I've wanted Invisalign forever... I wonder what that would cost.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
the point is you went to the track.

i've been trying to get into running, but still struggle to get up and out there 1x during the workweek...will try again, tomorrow after work!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Lol... and you work out more than anyone here except for "Cougar Mom" Donkey


horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
at all our libraries, there's endless movies to rent...i have one at home and will try to watch it this weekend or tomorrow night!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Yeah! There's something weird with how my play station plays movies on my smart tv. Really hard to see anything. Plus it's nice to be out of the house.


bearcountrygg on 04/19/2018:
Walking for 35 minutes is a good thing!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Baby steps.


Maria7 on 04/19/2018:
Try to get some rest.

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Hugs. Ty. Just chilling at home tonight cleaning out the fridge and making up meals for the weekend. I will carry your positive joy in my being.


horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2018:
yes, Donkey is awesome with her fitness.


Donkey on 04/20/2018:
LOL!!! You know I had to comment. "Cougar Mom Donkey" - hahaha! :-)

You did SO well today, Happy! I know you said you were a dead fish, but you actually managed to pull yourself out of that and get quite a bit done for yourself. That in itself is quite an accomplishment! It's very important to take care of yourself. AND you went to the track on top of everything!



happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 18, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Slept forever last night and today after several days of no sleep. My teeth feel a lot better after yesterday's dental visit. I can't believe all that inflammation was from a little extra dental cement. Hurt like hell. PMS is also over and I am human again, not Hellspawn. That weird feeling in my kidney area is also gone so I think I can go for a run tonight.

12pm and I am taking a small break to reboot... Hiding in my "fort" of plastic boxes. I mouse cleeaned my dad's room yesterday and did his laundry, went to put it away and discovered his drawers hadn't been kept closed and were chock full of mouse poop and shredded paper. He got mad at me for making him feel bad... super productive... so I have retreated to my fort. It wasn't a fort on purpose... just was being funny and built my dog a hiding spot... but my dog is smarter than me and knows if she can't be seen she won't get yelled at so I have joined her in here. I don't want to get back up and face the day but face it I must.

One bright spot though... My scholarship was approved and I start QA classes on Saturday.

All work and no play makes Happy-1 not so happy, so I'm going to reset On my challenge and strive for balance. Tonight is a track workout about 3.6 miles south of me. I feel like if I show up there early and do some push-ups etc. then do the track workout (and tell the coach I was down with dental work) I will be in good shape to do the running. I might even deserve fish tacos on the way home. No... I might deserve... I don't know what but something on plan on the way home. Maybe a burrito salad at my favorite burrito place. I missed D

Tomorrow is cheap movie day at the theater all the way south of me and Sierra club conditioning hike night. I feel like I deserve a movie, some time outdoors and a laugh. I might need to go back to that cigar bar fri to check out cuban jazz... not sure.

Writing some nice things that happened that might not have made it into my diaries but I will put here so I don't forget...

Last night my mom went to Costco and picked me up an extra deli chicken so that I can feed my picky senior dog because she noticed I forgot I was out of dog food and only had stuff my dog won't eat or was expensive (I know $5 for a deli chicken for a dog but I also make bone broth and marrow buiscuits so the whole chicken gets used and my vet bills are ridiculously low). It made me feel very taken care of when I was low with dental misery.

Molly sent me beautiful shoes for no reason off haute look. It was the perfect gift at an unexpected time and made me feel really appreciated, especially after that Fitbit drama. They are Vince Camuto sandals in tobacco brown with a big chunky heel, and I remember looking at them and wondering if Molly would approve but was on a mission to buy bras... then completely forgot about them. I just love them and I just love having something I can put on and think that Molly is with me in spirit if I have to go do something social that freaks me out. I am also super glad because it feels "healed". I know I need to spread out more and make more friends, but Molly is important and special.

My ex is on vacation this week and wants to see me for something special. He wants to take me to Disneyland on Thursday, his treat. That's a BIG PRICEY DATE that just made my jaw drop. No guy has ever wanted or offered to take me on anything like that before. The biggest I've ever been on was a night at a comedy club in Irvine. There is something about him wanting to do that that makes me feel valued. I am not really up to Disneyland right now with the dental drama and the possibility that my tooth is re-abcessing, so I asked if we could save that for Christmas and just do a picnic at the botanical gardens up by me, then go see a cheap movie on $6 Thursdays... no answer on that one yet.

My camping ladies changed the date of the camping trip to the dates I can make it so that I can actually go. I really feel good about that. It makes me feel like a central, key friend yhat they like having around. I need to come up with something nice to do for them.

UDG had a big reaction to my before/now-midpoint photos that I sent him (showing off but also results get support and support gets results and he's always trying to get me to meet him for junk food). He went off the deep end a bit... then signed up for a gastric sleeve program through the VA. I feel bad that he is considering doing something extreme but he has yards of meah keeping his guts together, a destroyed knee that he'd have been better off if they amputated and gave him a prosthetic, and at risk of a stroke at any minute so maybe that was a wake up call he needed?

I amfull of hugs today, hiding in my fort.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/18/2018:
Sounds like you are learning new ways to deal with things so that you are happier...That's always a positive thing.


Donkey on 04/18/2018:
Congratulations on your scholarship!!! So happy for you!! And new shoes!!! And a movie coming up, camping ladies... there's a lot of positives there, even ifyou had to hide in your fort for a while. (((hugs)))


horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
i agree, how cool you got the scholarship!!!!!!!



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 17, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Dentist thinks it was a fragment of cement that embedded in my gum that caused the swelling (about the size of a spool of thread). Whatever it was, it's already feeling better. Came straight home to make sure I got a parking spot on the street so that my parents can park in the driveway. So many things to do but it is nice to get an hour at home to myself. DA tonight if I chance moving my car and not finding parking tonight.

Goal Zero is repacing my battery bank that caught fire even though I bought it in 2016!!!! Quality. Makes me want their larger lithium one... you know, after I win the lottery.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 04/17/2018:
Glad your tooth/mouth is feeling better - yikes!

Caught on fire? Oh my! Ugh... Did it stink?

happy-1 on 04/17/2018:
Yeah and scorched the carpet pretty good. I'm a dork for spending money I shouldn't while unemployed but sure glad I bought those fire extinguishers

happy-1 on 04/17/2018:
Yeah and scorched the carpet pretty good. I'm a dork for spending money I shouldn't while unemployed but sure glad I bought those fire extinguishers


bearcountrygg on 04/18/2018:
Parking on the street so that your parents can have the driveway...you are a sweetie.

happy-1 on 04/18/2018:
Hardly a big deal but I do what I can. I did park there for 10 min before I remembered.



happy-1 - Monday Apr 16, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Forgot to weigh in... oops.

Really out of sorts this morning. I got weird calls from a friend I grew up with who had a TBI in college and is at home with her mom permanently. We made plans to get lunch I had to cancel last minute... I was up till 4 with dental pain adjacent to my crown and it hurts enough it's making me stupid. Overslept and by the time I was up, The Circus had started... but I am in too much pain/brain fog today to leave the house... I just can't focus on a single task because of stress this morning and pain and I don't want a ticket or fender bender... Driving is something I only do when I feel ok.

The biggest obstacle to my productivity is still my iphone not working and all my apps not being available. There's so much they do to help me... Hormonal levels, Fitbit for food... Spark for making food and journal posts, audible for books on tape to fall asleep to, spotify for music, waze for directions, i heart radio and Feedly for news... calendar... UGH!!! I just feel like half my brain is missing. The minimum to conquer today is to finish fixing my iPhone. Everything will be easier after that.

---

Progress: Have sorted through my photos on my laptop. Now I just need to double check that no photos on my iphone are missing from my laptop.

Super weird sorting through all these old photos. I've always been so anxious and there are all these old photos of food that I made when I was on an Indian food obsession and determined to learn how to make great indain food. When I look at it now I think OMG... I put so much effort into eating the wrong things and I was making myself sick... I felt tired, cold, clammy, sweaty and weak all the time. But the photos and my old apartment are beautiful! My dog is happy! I had friends!!!!

---

B - overnight oats

2nd breakfast - coffee, 3 creams, meal prep 2nd breakfast with egg cups.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/16/2018:
Hope you start feeling better.

happy-1 on 04/16/2018:
Ty! Being proactive and going down there, not just hoping it goes away on it's own


Donkey on 04/16/2018:
Ouch, sorry to hear about the tooth pain again! I'm glad you didn't take a chance by driving. I understand where you're coming from on that aspect completely.

It sounds like you did get going and had a productive day -- maybe not as much as you would have hoped but hey, any move forward is progress in my book :-)

What you said about putting so much effort into the wrong things -- story of my life.

happy-1 on 04/16/2018:
Right??? Like I want to go back in time and re-parent myself. The food photos are really strange though because they are the polar opposite of what I am eating now. I was in a vegetarian/vegan phase and it was all this bread, rice, puréed beans, dairy, butter, etc. supposed to be so good for you but I made myself so sick.


horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2018:
What is a TBI?

your dog is still happy and you still have friends now :)

stay happy. where'd you used to live? was it close to the house you live in now?

Did you fix your phone? i hope so - that's something that we've all grown dependent on!



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