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happy-1 - Friday Apr 06, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 228.0

Day 5 is Friday and a REST DAY... OMG I NEED IT BAD. 

Not so much because "everything hurts and I'm dying" but because meal prepping, actually eating and washing dishes for 6 meals a day, doing a 15-20 min toning routine and an hour of cardio a day, being horribly too tired to do anything of value, being too sore to move, then chasing or being chased by my parents/dog/dog+parents/parents+dog, and routine visits from The Circus... OMG. I HAVE GOTTEN PRACTICALLY NOTHING DONE ALL WEEK!!!

As part of my worksheets I am tracking what I actually accomplish hour by hour a day and then giving myself points for productivity... I got a couple of things done on Monday... but then NOTHING FOR 3 DAYS!!! They all have various cloud shapes with whatever chaos happened and how long it took me to recover from it. AUGH.  I think I might need to give myself an extra rest day and cheat meal a week while I work up to this just so that I stay productive.

Couldn't face Costco on a Friday. Went to Trader Joes and got basics. Will shoot for Sunday night.

BUT...

  • I am in the second round of my third scholarship atempt... this time for QA retraining. 
  • I am getting control of all my personal business stuff, one step at a time. Everything critical got done this week... for once.
  • The photo collages are great motivation to be on track and also help remind me what I ate for counting calories eod or next day.
  • The worksheets I made are really helping
  • I found an adult adhd support group. Trying that next week...
  • I'm not sure DA is the right place for me. I have never once just sat there hoping that someone else would pay my rent. Going to a workshop tomorrow and mabe I will figure out if it is right for me.
  • I'm burning enough fat that I had to buy new workout bras this week. I also splurged on replacement shoelaces... because I wore the ones that came with my shoes out!!!!! Getting my money's worth.
  • I had a store credit at KMART and used it to get a new bathroom scale! For $20 you get a scale that measures body fat, body water, bone mass and BMI, includes bone mass analysis... GEEZ. 

Now I just need to figure out what to spend my $100 REI member credit on before the 20% off coupon expires on the 9th!!!!!!!!

  • $260 for a $450 item... Inreach satellite GPS and text messaging? https://www.rei.com/product/119863/garmin-inreach-explorer-satellite-communicator
  • Bear-safe Yeti cooler?
  • Portable electric fridge?
  • Binoculars? 
  • Decent mountain bike?
  • Don't go overboard and just wait till another one comes out in the fall when I might be employed?

Trying out a mantra: Grit don't quit!

 (Scale: http://www.kmart.com/conair-weight-watcher-s-by-conair-glass-body-fat/p-005W005729273002P?plpSellerId=Kmart&prdNo=3&blockNo=3&blockType=G3)

Progress as of today: 80 lbs lost so far, only 48 lbs to go!

trishpiglet3 on 04/07/2018:
We can only ever do so much in a day. Rest days and cheat meals sound great... it's what we do most of the time that makes a difference. You are doing awesome

happy-1 on 04/08/2018:
TY!


bearcountrygg on 04/07/2018:
Creating new habits is basically what it all comes down to...have fun spending that card>>>>!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/07/2018:
Yeah... The portable electric fridge would be great because then all I need is a battery bank and a solar panel and I can stop screwing around with ice... but also keep my dad's insulin cold in an earthquake... but still $626 after coupon and credit before tax. Plus to power it I need to sink in another $450 on Amazon for a panel and bank... But all fit in my car for camping also. ($1076 outlay)

The Inreach Satellite GPS would be good to allow me to go camping and still be in touch for recruiters/school, but not as useful for emergencies at home... I'd need 2... One to leave at home for my mom and one to have in the car. ($710 outlay)

Planning on buying 2 Baofeng ham radios for fun and learning HAM (after I get an FCC license) if I make it through the 60 day challenge 80% on track or better.

happy-1 on 04/08/2018:
The Baofengs are only like $140 outlay...

What do you think, prepper lady?


Donkey on 04/07/2018:
I'm quite impressed with what you have accomplished, even if it feels like you haven't done so. The ADHD support group sounds so promising - I hope it's a good fit. Also, along those lines, I would encourage you to keep trying DA - even if it's not for you, sometimes it's good to be around other people, hearing their stories and struggles. Helps put your own situation into its proper perspective.

happy-1 on 04/07/2018:
The vision board thing today was pretty cool. Met some nice folks.



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 05, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 228.0

Super tired so a short post. Day 4 of 60. 4 solid days in a row on track. Have to do a grocery run tomorrow. Might limit it to chicken, sweet potatoes and eggs to keep life aimple.

Progress as of today: 80 lbs lost so far, only 48 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/06/2018:
Sounds like a plan!!!

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
:-) Love how on-target you always are. Reminds me to be.


horn_of_plenty on 04/06/2018:
Keep it Simple Stupid is the name of the game! The simpler, usually the easier it is to remain on track!!!

But, you will not buy any veggies!?

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
I was crazy hungry the other day and the only thing I needed was spinach... so I bought an ENORMOUS bag... A normal bag is only like 2 servings and I'm eating 2 cups of spinach or broccoli at every meal, 6 meals a day... that's 84 cups a week. But it doesn't last long once you open the bag so I figure that I'll just get the veggies next trip.


Donkey on 04/06/2018:
Go get 'em!!! Donkey is cheering you ON!

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
TY!


graindart on 04/06/2018:
The more successful days in a row you can get, the more addicting it can become. A few weeks ago I was at a point where I was wavering. (I still have certain days that I question whether it's worth it or not.) But today I'm on a successful 24th day in a row for food intake & exercise. Seeing the number go up daily helps keep me motivated because I really don't want to go back to zero again.

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
Nice! That's the Seinfeld theory of productivity... Don't break the chain.


bearcountrygg on 04/06/2018:
OKAY...a Granny warning here...did you know that eating spinach daily can cause kidney stones??????

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
Ok. Will break it up with broccoli, kale, and arugula



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 03, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 228.0

OMG... That bootcamp class was intense. I did push myself to make sure I broke a sweat and maxed out my muscles to the point where they don't hold anymore, and I was appropriately rewarded... with horrible muscle soreness about 2h later that was soooo bad I was up till 2:30 AM just ready to break... even though I took glucosamine after... I held it together by doing the photo collage and looking at the photos so I could be happy with myself for being on track and stay in that mindset and not suddenly start eating. It worked well! I didn't break and go for the chicken top ramen in my bear barrel or eat an extra meal. All I had when I got home was my 6th meal for the day which I planned as yogurt but it seemed like too much to eat so I just had a protein shake from that new Musclemilk probiotic vanilla mix I got at Costco... and I was really surprised at how good it is! I read online today that I should have had more carbs afterwards, like an apple or other fruit. (https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness-exercise/what-to-eat-after-cardio#5) 

I did sleep really late though... If I was working I would have worked from home... I was so sore I really thought I had pulled a ligament but after coffee and oatmeal I feel a lot better.

---

So far I have drowned 3 mice. I know I have to do it, that I have to put out sticky traps to fight back, and once they are in a sticky trap, they are struggling and it is the fastest way to end the cruelty... but at one point in my life I was vegan and went out of my way for animals. Now I eat meat and dairy multiple times daily. I keep thinking about The Good Place... an awesome TV show. Ellen in her enlightenment becomes a vegan and saves bugs.

Sigh.

---

Just realized this is my 7th time through the challenge... And I'm just now starting to catch up to all the habits I had to build to do it.

 

Progress as of today: 80 lbs lost so far, only 48 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/03/2018:
Are you drinking enough water?

happy-1 on 04/03/2018:
Oooh I didn't even think of that... I buy gallon bottles of water and try to drink 1 a day (LA is arid, even if you are inside and I do near constant chores all day so I need a gallon) but with the mouse stuff I bet I got stressed and distracted and am not drinking enough. I'll add it to my photos so I keep track.


horn_of_plenty on 04/04/2018:
i ended up with horrible injuries taking a bootcamp class because it got me in shape so fast, my muscles didn't have time to increase and my tendons were doing more of the work. That class, in combo with my own increase in running, led to horrible shin splints that lasted for over two years as i never rested them enough for them to go away fully. Finally they are better and I am back to working on my leg strength and starting up running once again :)


horn_of_plenty on 04/04/2018:
those classes tend to be very good...very intense...sometimes they push you past your limits...which can be good and bad.


Donkey on 04/04/2018:
Hope the soreness goes away soon!



happy-1 - Monday Apr 02, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 228.0

So... total on-track % for health plan for last week is 70%... A great baseline to start from considering it was my first week tracking habits that way and we all need to ramp up. I thought I'd come in at 40% but that just goes to show cognitive bias... I always feel like I am doing a terrible job but the numbers are usually better than I expected. Just saying to myself I need to stop the negative tapes in my head and negative thinking doesn't really help. I need to be able to scientifically prove to myself that something I keep thinking isn't true. Grrr... get after it. Ignore the quit signals and keep going. The only way to get through something is to keep going.

---

Invited 3 of the folks from church to join the 60 day challenge. I hope they do it. All have significant health issues aggravated by weight. 2 of the 3 are morbidly obese and look like they are about to die at any minute. Plus, I could really use the support.

---

Day 1 in the bag. It's 1 am but I pulled it all off. Took a break tonight from all the horrors of the day to assemble all my food photos for the day into a collage for the 60 day challenge. I made it to the church bootcamp tonight, so I added that in.  It was kind of fun so I put it on Facebook. Kind of regretting it. We shall see what happens. 

Progress as of today: 80 lbs lost so far, only 48 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/02/2018:
Things are moving in the right direction I see!

happy-1 on 04/03/2018:
1 day at a time!!!


Donkey on 04/02/2018:
I appreciate and admire your enthusiasm! 60 day challenge? I hope your church buddies take you up on that.


horn_of_plenty on 04/03/2018:
Yes, your persistence is paying off so nicely...keep on, Happy!



happy-1 - Sunday Apr 01, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 228.0

Weight loss! 1.8lbs!!!!!! Man every pound is a battle, but it's a war and I'm winning. I've been more "on plan" this week than any other before and I think overall I dropped 5lbs or so to get that 1.9 below my plateau. I even got to bed on time last night... All I need to do next is find my blood pressure cuff and measure it for the new 60 day challenge that starts tomorrow.

Happy Easter everyone!

---

I lost 4 lbs total this challenge.

Progress as of today: 80 lbs lost so far, only 48 lbs to go!

Donkey on 04/01/2018:
Woo-hoo!!!! Congratulations!

happy-1 on 04/02/2018:
Ty!!!


bearcountrygg on 04/01/2018:
Congrats on the nice loss!

happy-1 on 04/02/2018:
Ty!!! One incremental step at a time. It took a long time for me to get this fat and out of shape and I just need to focus and make steady changes.


horn_of_plenty on 04/02/2018:
Wonderful job, Happy, lately you are losing really well...look at your awesome progress chart!

happy-1 on 04/02/2018:
Slow and steady wins the race... and doesn't have to hang on to fat clothes because they are never going to be that fat again.

happy-1 on 04/02/2018:
Slow and steady wins the race... and doesn't have to hang on to fat clothes because they are never going to be that fat again.



happy-1 - Saturday Mar 31, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 229.8

I think my dog is worried about how skinny I am getting. I just watched her chase a mouse into a sticky trap and turn around and alert me to the catch. I think she expects me to eat them...

And my dog is smart enough to pre-meditate a mousey death in a sticky trap????

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/01/2018:
Who needs a cat when you have your dog...LOL


bearcountrygg on 04/01/2018:
She is proud and wants you to see what she did for you! Cats do that...they bring you dead birds, mice, leaves sticks and special goodies...and they line them all up for you to admire...LOL



happy-1 - Saturday Mar 31, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 229.8

Grrr... get after it. Up at 6:30 today... in stages... plan was an 8am bootcamp, but it wasn't going according to the posted schedule and is a 10am Zumba class instead. Arrgh. At least I am up on time!

---

Unpleasant discovery... one of my insurance accounts was cancelled and may not be reinstated. I am still sifting through my chaos and am not quite on too of things yet... crap. When will I have basic organization and life management happen? I'm 40.

---

Got to Zumba!

---

Next unpleasant discovery... Mice.

God, grant me the strength to figure everything out and then follow through on it.

---

Speaking of planning... I do have to say that the worksheets really are helping. There is something about paper and pencil that accesses a different part of my brain and allows me to think more realistically about what I can do in a day. I am going to update my profile and change my diet to reflect this.

Bullet journals kind of work this way... It's kind of one of those. Just done up in Google and printed out once a week.

---

From my planning, I see that I run out of prepared meals on Thursday this upcoming week. That means I need to check the sales on Tuesday when they change, go food shopping on Wednesday before my track workout... stick it all in the cooler and then take it home to prep meals right away! Oi! 

But I couldn't have told you that last week!!!!

I think writing out what I am going to have ahead of time is really, really helpful and might help me stay on plan for eating and working out.

---

One mouse down.

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/31/2018:
Well, I'm 47 going on 48 this year, and I do not know that I have mastered anything. I still feel as incompetent as I was at 24, which was pretty much the way I felt when I was 16 and then 10.

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Nooooo...


bearcountrygg on 03/31/2018:
Yup...I'm 68 going on 18. Inside I'm still a kid...the outside is a shock!

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Aaaaaaaugh. Is there a consultant who can come in and look at my pile of life and my parents and their hoarder houses and then tell me what I should do? Besides take what money I have left and try to rent a room in Texas and find work there?


bearcountrygg on 03/31/2018:
There are life coaches.......if you move to texas who will take care of your parents, or are they able to take care of themselves? Sounds like you are a pencil and paper gal...I love to write things down too......we all have different learning styles...looks like you discovered yours!!!

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
LOL, got a referral for one in the prepper community? Therapy was/is good, but not strategic enough or nuanced in the issues of elder care and legality.

The issue of my parents is kind of nebulous... It's a toss up as to whether they are helpless and I need to be here or they are taking advantage of the fact that I am here and not doing for themselves. I am dog sitting for a couple of weeks and planning on camping in between, so I will be gone 16 days with my dog. I'll see what I come home to.


bearcountrygg on 03/31/2018:
Have you ever seen the program called Hoarders? They come and bring dumpsters and a crew...and they film it all......in the end...the people are usually happier...but it's never an easy task....

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
I've done 2 hoarder cleanouts on the house I am currently in with them and they just fill it back up again. It's astonishing... And a huge emotional battle. I lurk on a children of hoarders support group and I am starting to understand it better now. So I am trying to have a minimal impact on them, but with this mouse/rat thing I may have to force the issue.


Maria7 on 03/31/2018:
Hope you are having a good evening. :-)

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
I actually am... I took today to just work on my worksheets and it is all coming together like a puzzle.

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Hope you are having a good evening too!

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Hope you are having a good evening too!


Donkey on 03/31/2018:
A few years back, we had a mouse problem. My cat Boo took care of that, but it was not pretty. Not fun coming down the stairs in the morning and finding mouse parts on the stairs. Did you know that mice stomachs look like cashews? YUCK.

All you can do is set traps. If I've learned nothing else from my job it's that exterminators DO NOT fume/smoke out mice.

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Yeah, I am starting with my sticky traps. Any recommendations on good traps to buy?


bearcountrygg on 03/31/2018:
Is it possible that the hoard is covering up some foundation holes...possibly rotten boards etc? Did you know that every step a mouse takes it pees? They gross me out and they carry the hanta virus that can be deadly if they have it. According to the hoarders program it is a mental illness and it is often triggered by a loss (death). I'm surprised they let you clean it out...maybe it's not that important to them...are they possibly just obsessive shoppers?

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
That is a good question... I do not know. There are big holes in the walls behind each sink that have always been there and the back door is not flush to the trim at the bottom so that would be fized first... but I swear they run right at solid walls and dissapear.


bearcountrygg on 03/31/2018:
If you go away for a couple of weeks...that will say a lot.

happy-1 on 03/31/2018:
Yeah it isn't on purpose but it will be a good learning experience. Just an opportunity to have a pool and some quiet downtime alone. Get away from daily crises



happy-1 - Friday Mar 30, 2018
(80%+ weekly on 10 fitness acts a day, every day.)
Weight: 229.8

Slept 9h, had vyvanse and a cup of coffee and some excedrin... but I am still sluggish and my jaw hurts. Working on my "cocktail" to get me started (vyvanse, coffee, advil, excedrin) and I am wondering if I should add some pre-workout mix to my stack prior to cardio. Maybe even a recovery drink. L-glutamine helps with soreness but there's a wall of hopelessness and sadness I hit after... I've been tracking my energy levels throughout the day.

---

Fell asleep too fast to do my bedtime meditation last night. Neil Gaiman's Stardust just knocked me out. That man is the best bedtime story teller. I wonder if his SO's suffer from narcolepsy... his voice just knocks them out. Bedtime meditation:

3 grats - 1) my parents for sheltering me while I straighten out my life at 40. 2) the money to pay for a crown after the root canal, 3) my friend for being open and receiving to reconnecting when I thought all would be lost if I tried reaching out to people again. 4) That even though I did not work out yesterday today is a new day and I can try again.

Things I did today that I can take pride in for improving my fitness: 1) Ate on-plan all day except for bedtime snack that was two tortillas and some cheese because that was all that sounded edible, 2) Got work on my crown started so that I will be whole and able to resume fitness activities and eat healthy food, 3) went to bed on time, 4) Made sure my dog ate and went on 2 walks. I take better care of myself when I take care of her. 5) kept my objectives for the day realistic. 6) worked on my tracking sheets.

Selfless act: Filled out customs forms for any soldier care packages. Let other people in line in front of me.

Obstacles: Money, time management, pain, loneliness, overwhelm

Vision of what life will be like when I am fit: There is a guy on OKcupid that I am chatting with who seems almost too perfect to be into me. When I have achieved my fitness level that will be one less thing I think about that makes me "not good enough" for someone... or worry that I need to find someone who also is not physically fit because they will accept me as I am.

My intention for today: Close out the week on a high note.

How I will work heroically today: I will take the care packages to the post office. I will fill out the EDD benefits form and apply for at least 3 jobs today. I will go to the church potluck tonight and make new friends. I will come home early and go to bed on time so I can be up at 7 to go to the church workout at 8am. I will clear more space in the living room so I can do the whole simplyfit board exercise video... or I will find a rug remnant so I can do it outside.

---

Poked the EDD again on job retraining. Trying to do Software QA this time. 6 week job retraining program with placement assistance.

---

 

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/30/2018:
i wouldn't add any more preworkout to your already caffeine high that you use before workouts! it may be too much!?!

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
Yeah that's why I'd ask the doc first.


bearcountrygg on 03/30/2018:
Sounds good...except that I HOPE you aren't mixing advil and Excedrin...at the same time. I don't have any idea about the vyvanse...you may have a dangerous combo going there.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
I'll ask my doc! I don't usually though.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
I'll ask my doc! I don't usually though.


bearcountrygg on 03/30/2018:
I just looked them up and vyvanse does not mix with advil or Excedrin cold or sinus meds...I don't know if you are taking the advil and excedrin pain killers or not...but I don't believe you can mix the 2 painkillers like that...please be safe!!!!

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
I know not to take any cold or sinus meds with vyvanse and adderall because they block off your seratonin inhibitors.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
Oops sorry receptors. Seratonin receptors.


Donkey on 03/30/2018:
I would stay away from anything that brings about the wall of hopelessness and sadness. I've spent so many years looking at that wall... Wouldn't wish that upon anyone, especially someone as cool as you.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
No... you misunderstand. It's like a crash post intense exercise that is just the emotional part without the physical part of over doing it. Imagine riding 50 miles on just water, no sugar. You feel tired and everything is hard but you just rode 50 miles so you expect it. I'm having that before bed when I do the HIIT workouts so I want to find a recovery drink. I don't feel physically tired or sore... more the opposite... so I wasn't connecting the two. Maybe chocolate.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
Like a bannana would do it, but I can't eat those anymore



happy-1 - Thursday Mar 29, 2018
(80%+ weekly on 10 fitness acts a day, every day.)
Weight: 229.8

A little off track today. Was up at 7:30... Went to the dentist and it is a long drive there and back with a lot of traffic in between. Waiting for 7pm to drive back... and I!ve been on the road home since 3!!! I'm going to ask for an earlier appointment than 1:30 next time. Bleh. Have everything to work out with me but super wiped. All the driving? At least I have a big bag of broccoli and another of sweet potatoes in the cooler. Grrr get after it.

----

Have a potluck tomorrow and I am not sure what to bring. Has to be a cold or room temperature dish because I don't want to have to stick around at home to make anything or clean anything up.

----

Made a first stab at rebuilding friendships by calling Kelly tonight. I haven't talked to her for a year? More? It occurred to me that this idea that I have no friends anymore might be because I made it that way. We had a nice chat for about half an hour and it made me feel a little less lonely.

Also fixed my icloud account. Maybe my calendar will synch now.

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

graindart on 03/29/2018:
Don't know what other ingredients you have on hand, but my vote would be for room temperature roasted sweet potato salad.

happy-1 on 03/29/2018:
Ooooh good call... with like a red wine vinegar dressing and red onions. Look at you, Mr. Master of Church Potlucks.


horn_of_plenty on 03/30/2018:
agreed on the friends thing...i also wait to long to contact them and then it's only to get together, not to just talk on the phone...but usually they are happy to talk to me :) It's good you reached out.

happy-1 on 03/30/2018:
Yeah... trying to get things back together somewhat.


bearcountrygg on 03/30/2018:
Glad to contacted an old friend!!



happy-1 - Wednesday Mar 28, 2018
(80%+ weekly on 10 fitness acts a day, every day.)
Weight: 229.8

Today is definitely an exercise in mindset and psychology over patterns and phobias. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night after another round from The Circus. Doesn't matter what it was, I did not do my bedtime habits or get to bed on time. I had a hard time waking up (either I can't function on less than 7 hours or that's how long it takes my prescription sleep aid to wear off) and didn't get my eyes open / stop hitting snooze till 7:30. This meant I was already 2h late for my day. It also meant that I hit the edd office an hour after I meant to. It didn't really matter but I wasn't meeting standards I had set for myself and so I woke up berating myself and that made me start to spiral. It was definitely a process to tell myself to knock it off, put my big girl pants on and get over it. I am safe and secure for the time being. I have a plan and a program and I just need to stick to it and be within 80% or better the whole week. That I managed to get up an hour earlier than I did yesterday and I need to cut myself some slack because I am recovering from a really, really big abcess and accompanying infection and that is going to take some time. That I am working hard to take my supplements and eat on program and that in a week or two I will feel so much better and the weird dragginess is probably from all the ramen, bread, pizza, rice, mashed potatoes and other crap I ate when I couldn't swallow or chew. That I ate on track yesterday, and even made my parents a nice dinner of tri tip and broccoli. That today I have done 3 of my 10 daily actions right so far... 2 meals (power oatmeal + coffee, eggs + broccoli + sweet potato) and supplement stack. That last night was Tuesday and I made it to the DA meeting and I started my share with saying thank you to the people running the meeting and that I appreciate them being there and making the effort to have all the literature and that the other meeting I went to didn't have it and that made ot easier to tackle some of the prework, and I really appreciate all the work they do to keep the doors open and because they were there I was able to make a better health decision and I went to a real dentist and it was too far gone for a dental school and could have been so much worse and I feel somuch better and I didn't realize how sick I was... like a frog in a pot. Then I paid cash to order the books and it perked up the organizer and made him feel better. That today is Wednesday and there is a free track workout down at the high school and it is the perfect opportunity to time myself running a mile. That I feel emotionally out of sorts because I forgot to take my vyvanse this morning and this spinny scary feeling is partially withdrawl because I am chemically dependent. That if I go home and take it right now I will feel better. Then I can restart the day. So I did. Iwent home, ignored The Circus, took my meds and ate my meal prep, and had a hot shower and a good cry. I then leashed my dog to my ankle so she couldn't do her door rattling routine, took some advil and excedrin to see if I could make it through today without codeine and laid down for an hour to let everything kick in and my blood sugar come back up... and you know what??? It worked and I feel so much better. I can go out today and tear it up.

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Bedtime meditation for yesterday because i was too tired.

3 grats - 1) the people at the da meeting for beating the drum and keeping the doors open. 2) my friend pat for wanting to see a movie with me. Morale boost that helped me get my edd application in. Doesn't matter that she had car troubles and had to cancel. 3) that i feel better and can do more. I put together perfect tri tip and cleaned up after like it was zero effort.

Pride in fitness efforts - i did 9/10 on mon and 8/10 on Tuesday

Selfless act - got the treats for the any soldier care packages into ziplock bags and also pulled together hot sauce and other condiments. Now I just need to mail them today. I also picked up trash off the ground where I went to eat my lunch and left it better than I found it.

Success for today: get the care packages in the mail, write my personal statement for the application, fix the screen door (can't get my head around that task). Time myself running a mile.

What Life will be like when i am fit: i will be up at 5 and drinking coffee while it is still cool out. I will have bandwidth to joke and play. I will have the rigor of discipline over my emotions and not spin out but be cool to take action.

Mantra: 10 fitness actions today, every day.

Progress as of today: 78.2 lbs lost so far, only 49.8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/28/2018:
I sense a calmness with you now......

happy-1 on 03/28/2018:
Learning to breathe.

happy-1 on 03/28/2018:
The bedtime meditation is really helping


bearcountrygg on 03/28/2018:
Good......you will be so much happier.


Maria7 on 03/28/2018:
'Up at 5 and drinking coffee while it is cool out'...sounds good to me!


Donkey on 03/28/2018:
^What Maria said -- completely agree! So proud of you for pulling it together and making a good day out of chaos. You rock!


horn_of_plenty on 03/29/2018:
i remember when i used to use non rx sleep aids. they were so strong. i'd be tired 12 hours after taking them. and now i don't even need them anymore...so weird i used to need them to sleep and now it's like i'm on the opposite end of the spectrum sleeping hours and hours like i cannot ever sleep long enough! those sleep aids are powerful. sometimes you need a break.



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