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happy-1 - Monday Jul 10, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Ate my feelings today. Ugh. Probably undid all the good I did myself over the weekend camping and going up and down hills. I got nice texts from Scott this week so I went over there after my camping trip. He went to go see his dad for his birthday, but I wasn't invited. I dunno why, but I felt bad so I bailed and went home, feeling bad. Ate junk food to feel better. got nothing done on my personal site.

B: Made Scott and myself breakfast... 3 eggs, 2 nitrate-free chicken sausages, 2 small oranges.

Left Scott's after not getting invited to his dad's birthday lunch, and felt really bad. Stopped on the way back at a donut shop.

L: Egg and cheese croissant, chocolate donut, coffee, half n half

Went home. Felt overwhelmed. Went and hung out at the coworking space.

D: Double cheese burger. Fries. Diet coke.

Hung at the coworking space. Craved a cookie. Went to 7-11. Got a protein cookie instead. On the road back

S: Lenny and Larrys protein cookie.

9:43pm and I'm still bummed. Did what I always do when I am low... plan my next vacation. Spotted a trip to the river in Parker Arizona for September. It sounds like a lot of fun. 

Then I sucked it up and texted Scott to see if he had a fun day. It's not a big deal or anything, right? We've just gotten started.

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/11/2017:
Don't feel bad about not being invited....hey maybe it's his personal decision he wanted to spend some time just with his father. Eating junk and carbs does affect moods so it's true....when this happens maybe go to the gym to release some endorphins...they reason i go to the gym is that i actually makes me feel good...it makes me feel similarly to how i feel (in bliss) after a binge on carbs.

i LOVE those Lenny and Larrys protein cookies - and i used to eat them every night after the gym when i'd go! haha.

arizona...must be beautiful traveling around there! nice weather!

and since you just got started with scott, don't feel bad that it was only him at his father's bday lunch...it's a family thing....don't take it personally at all!

happy-1 on 07/13/2017:
Yeah... it was just weird... I drove 3 hours to see him and had to turn around in the morning at 10 am to go back home ... 3 hours. I got a little too upset though. Counselor says i am having trauma reactions to things.



happy-1 - Wednesday Jul 05, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 241.6

Yay! 2.2 lbs down!!! I felt thinner for sure this week, but needed my scale at home to confirm it.

---

Avoiding talking to my mom. Just don't want her disrupting my productivity with more unnecessary drama. I feel like a jerk for not giving her the opening to talk to me... but kind of necessary. As it is I had to leave this morning without a shower, then go to Marshalls and get a shirt appropriate for the coworking space (lucked out with a really awesome blouse from Lucky Brand that looks great tucked into jeans and is go anywhere appropriate), then finish getting dressed at the coworking space.

---

Decided to just rip off the bandaid and make my new portfolio site live even though it isn't finished... so I have to finish it!!! So far at least I have added the new headshot, 

 

---

B: 2 figs, trail mix while on phone w edd

S: Diet coke, hash brown, egg mc muffin after picking dad up from mechanic

L: Small lasagna and diet orange soda

S: Iced tea and personal pan pizza (stress eating after therapist call)... Then I topped it off with a brownie. Suicide by junk food.

D:

S:

Progress as of today: 66.4 lbs lost so far, only 61.6 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/05/2017:
YAY Go you...i responded to your other entries also!


jabockov on 07/05/2017:
So happy for you!



happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 04, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

Happy july 4! Where we celebrate by scaring all the pets. Mine is lodged in my armpit like a 50lb growth despite sedation.

Looking forward to weighing myself and dying my hair tomorrow. Today was such a nightmare. My mom asked me themost f'd up question when I got home from dogsitting. I spent most of the day reeling and getting nothing done.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/05/2017:
Happy 4th to you too, Happy!

Awww, that’s what I heard on tv and radio – pets are always scared each year on the 4th of July! I am so glad I have new windows this year! Fireworks were much less noisy this year and I slept thru most of them!

Are you dying it a natural color or something more creative? I’d love to see photos of before & after. I posted some photos on my July 4th entry!

happy-1 on 07/05/2017:
I'm red rightr now, but I'm going blonde to hide a patch that won't take color. When it grows out I'll start doing dark blonde :)

I dunno on photos... maybe when I reach my goal weight. I like the anonymity of this site :)



happy-1 - Monday Jul 03, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

Brain is finally back together after a couple of days dog sitting with Molly. We are just chilling. Over the weekend we watched TV. Today we are just sitting around working on our respective stuff. 

Today I checked email, took care of 2 important business items, and emailed a friend about the Tahoe. Spent a crazy long time writing the Tahoe email. Focus is what it is I guess.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/05/2017:
Nice to hear you are happy! Sounds this way…Glad you are enjoying Brian’s company!

happy-1 on 07/05/2017:
LOL. Brain, not Brian.. but from your lips to God's ears!



happy-1 - Thursday Jun 29, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

Yay me, got my EDD paperwork in and started process for a certification training credit despite parental drama when I stopped off at home for lunch. Was super hungry and hoping to eat lunch at home before heading to coworking space. Asking my dad for a break didn't work today... He just got madder. I can't believe this is all due to a stupid dog gate that was in his doorway for less than 5 minutes... and that he had already said yes to!!!! I didn't even say anything rude and have been super nice if a little sad. He just gets honey badger mad and turns purple and sweaty and there's so much of him it dwarfs everything else and takes up all the air in the house. I literally had to bail out and put my shoes on in the car and buy food on the way to my coworking space...

... Where I got a lot done.

---- Total gear change.

Got a text from the supermodel hot guy I picked up in Walmart checkout the other day, despite the fact that I was buying 5 boxes of yeast infection creme (Coupon + sale... just stocking up for the zombie apocalypse. I'm fine). It was a bizarre parallel universe. He wants me to go to Burning Man with him, he'll pay for everything AND drive. Oh wow. What an offer. No desire to go to Burning Man but it was nice to be asked.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/30/2017:
Hola Happy Lady!

Well…you turned lemons into lemonade: Glad you got a lot of work done at co-working space! Cheers Happy Lady!!!! Cheers to being able to find a (hopefully) quiet place go and be productive!

OMG….I KNOW of burning man! How far are you from it? Driving distance right??? I think BM sounds so cool….you know everyone parties naked right!?

happy-1 on 06/30/2017:
I went to art school and live in LA. Partying naked is a little run of the mill. Plus we have all the gearing up events and decompression events here, so I've seen the folks and the music and the art. I think if you like clubbing, music, dancing, and being around a lot of people Burning Man is probably an awesome experience. People go from all over the country. There are probably groups near you that go if you are interested. I think people go as part of a larger camp and it helps make it more fun but also it makes it easier to go to share gear and workloads.

It isn't something you just go do though... People spend all year getting ready for the trip. That he doesn't know how much work it is and thinks it's something we could just go do NEXT MONTH... Oh geez. He might be super hot but he has no idea what he is doing.

I've never really wanted to go because I don't like bars/clubs and meeting new people stresses me out. I go desert camping, but for me it is about being outside where there AREN'T any people. Plus so many people go with no idea what they are doing, if an earthquake hits that's the last place I want to be.

I am so looking forward to the Land Ops off-roading group though. That sounds like my kind of party. Need to find the next HAM licensing test and study for it so I can go!


Donkey on 07/02/2017:
LOL - 5 boxes of yeast infection cream. How come I always run into people I haven't seen in a while when I'm buying tampons, right?

happy-1 on 07/02/2017:
Right??? Although if you are still using those you should try the Diva cup. 1 billion times better and so much easier.


jayhawkjen on 07/04/2017:
True confession: I always buy feminine products on line because I'm embarrassed to check out with them. AND IM A NURSE! My daughters make fun of me and rightly so.



happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 27, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

Dog gates came today... they worked great except for one thing... While my mom is able to use and operate them my dad cannot fit through them. These are not small openings.... only 4" smaller than the doorway.. He's just gotten so much fatter post-medical weight loss diet that he is too fat to get through the gate and now that I am looking is almost too fat to fit through the door. He's not that far off from not being able to get in and out of his bedroom. As it is he has gotten too fat to fit in his 1/2 bathroom anymore and can only use the whole bathroom, and now I'm thinking that his use of the facilities in there are why the seal I put on the toilet is coming loose again.

However, when he couldn't get out, he got really mad... like crazy, dark red, sweaty, shaking, eyes glazed over mad. He got really, really nasty. Just turned into the biggest bully and yelled and yelled and yelled, making demand after demand. How dare I not think or talk to him first about it??? I never think. I never bother to consult anybody else about it. All I do is push people around. Except that I did.. like 4x and he's been bugging me over when they were going to get here.

My mom, perversely, is thrilled with the dog gate. It is probably an added benefit that my dad can't get through... she's piled up so much stuff in her room to keep other people out, i am pretty sure this is the crowning touch.

I bet my dad is extra furious because now he can't get in there.

Not really sure what to do about it. I have to keep my dog out of my mom's room... that's how she sliced her toe open and my mom's rages get physical.

Ended up just having to bail out and go to Trader Joe's outside the house to get food. Didn't get to eat today till 1:40pm so I feel all sweaty and wonky and that tells me I need to monitor blood sugar in the afternoons too. I've been ok, but the spaciness is scary. It could be the Adhd meds also.. but still.

7am: alarm went off and I woke up. I took adhd meds but was too tired to stay awake and the meds just nailed me. Slept solid.

10am: Fedex delivered dog gates. All hell broke loose.

12:30 went to trader joes

2:15pm: lunch eaten, at workspace. Need to start being productive.

Chicken and kale salad, carrot juice

2:50- back at workspace. Ran over to cvs and grabbed some stuff for my nexk which siezed up again. Seriously tempted by the nail shop there... a wax and a mani pedi are sooo tempting. But I am probably better off buying my own hard wax setup.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 06/28/2017:
What a nightmare! Glad you are able to get away from the drama for a bit alas just to go back. Hope your neck gets better.

happy-1 on 06/29/2017:
Hugs. Thanks!


Horn_of_plenty on 06/29/2017:
i forgot to comment on this...will do tomorrow at work!



happy-1 - Monday Jun 26, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

So PMS my brain is floating.

Woke: 9:30am. Weirdest dream about leaving my suitcase in the hallway of a hotel and everything stolen out of it but the suitcase was still there.

Breakfast: Couldn't make a decent cu of coffee. Kitchen is filthy. Just ate pocky stick candy, straightened up stuff in living room and bailed. 

12:30 - Shrink is back from vacation. Had a nice call with her about Scott (probably hopeless incompatibility at the values level) and whether or not I should buy an acquaintance's 99 Chevy Tahoe (yes, probably).

Lunch: Grilled chicken sandwich on 1/2  a bun, sweet potato fries, diet coke.

3pm - At coworking space with printer setup. 

 

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/27/2017:
Oh yeah…when I’m PMS-ing….i get off the wall myself. Very irritable and easily argumentative and easily annoyed is what happens to me…extremely emotional…lol…your “floating” sounds better than my irritable!

I’m glad your dream was only a dream and not reality!

How much is he selling the Tahoe for? Like a couple grand?

Lunch sounds tasty….i’d buy the diet coke too, to fill my stomach up after all the salt and lack of veggies…I rely on drinks a lot to fill me – lately they do NOT have caffeine. Lately my skin is fantastic, no pimples or acne…for a few days now! amazing feeling to have better skin! I plan to eat a tad better (less caffeine) so that I can try to keep my skin looking glowing and not red and full of pimples!

happy-1 on 06/27/2017:
5k... He wants about 2x what Edmunds has it listed as. Other trucks are similarly marked up... it probably is what it is worth , but I wanted to know how he set the price so I am not taking a big hit if I have to sell it due to an "I can't have 2 cars" parking situation.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/28/2017:
lol....why do you want to have 2 cars??? haha...i would NOT buy his car for double what it's worth, Happy!



happy-1 - Thursday Jun 22, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

9:10 am - woke up, late. Ugh. Discovered mom had had an accident in the bathroom and only sort of cleaned it up. Yuck. Cleaning one thing led to cleaning another and 5 hours later all I have accomplished in my day is 1) bathroom cleanup, 2) made myself breakfast, 3) failed at attempt to train dog to open the screen door using a pull toy, 4) showered, 5) made bed, 6) deleted daily emoticon text from Scott. They just make me angry. They feel like a substitute for actual communication and connection, a little patronizing. 7) paid for sierra club trip. 8) searched for and bought baby food pouches with ziplock bottom to use for packing condiments and fat in cooler. 9) took a few minutes to write this post.

Ate: Trail mix, iced coffee, chicken chorizo and 2 eggs, avocado slice, cheese, 

4:45pm - The next 3 hours I spent going to the 99 cent store where I bought 2 cooler bags and bandannas for mess kits to take camping and then spotted the vegan chicken strips my mom likes so I picked some up and then had to bring them home to put in the fridge. A miscalculation on my part. Made myself lunch. Called back M who is in town. Tempted to blow everything off on the planet so I can hang with her. Still need to do paperwork, pack meds, get dog shots and got to doc appt in the morning. Ugh. Told her I'd meet her in San Diego saturday and then take her and her nephew to a movie.

Told dad 3x I needed a break and should be left alone before he got the message and let me be. Him yelling a my dog makes me angry, and I can't stop him. All I can do is say that I am angry, this is why, I need a break now. I cannot help you today. I am too angry.

5:40. Time to get ready to go to pet store. Rabies shots and a cone! Who knows how to party? This chick.  I also need some tent decorations and snorkel gear for sierra club trip.

7:30 - Vetco won't honor the shot and I am out $20. Have to call customer service tomorrow. Will dispute transaction if they don't. So mad. 2 hours gone. Aaaargh. Super hungry so i picked up vietnamese sandwiches even though my dad does not deserve them.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/23/2017:
Hi Happy Lady! Happy Friday!!

Why aren’t you waking up early? No alarm? Maybe invest in a good alarm clock? I hate cleaning too, especially the bathroom, so, nice job to you. Men are so annoying sometimes lol. Poor communicators sometimes too. Good for you on deleted his text! Make him wait / suffer a bit. He needs to write you some actual words, indeed!

Nice eating some trail mix…if you want to be even healthier, go for some lightly salted – not heavy salt – lightly salted roasted almonds only…and you’ll decrease the sugar from dried fruit if that’s in your trail mix! I love snacking on almonds! Lol to your avocado slice as I’m thinking of a “slice of cheese” that is green like an avocado!

Lol sorry your dad is bothering you….i like my space I know…that’s why I personally do love living alone.

What’s a Vietnamese sandwich? I am intrigued….!

happy-1 on 06/26/2017:
I have like 20 alarms, lol. Mostly it is that it takes me forever to get to sleep so I am always exhausted and still need sleep when the alarm goes off.

Scott is just Scott. I guess he just is too PTSD from past relationships. I'm just letting him do whatever he needs to do to choose whether he is in or out.

The trail mix is the Trader Joe's one with the fake M&Ms. I ate the whole bag in 3 days. I think I need to stop buying it. I did actually buy some mix that was nuts only today, lol.

Yeah my dad's not a bad person, but he can be hard to like. It's a complicated relationship. Mostly its that he thinks he should be able to yell, insult, complain, and nag... then I should just turn around and "reset" and be happy, loving and friendly. It takes me like 2 months to do that... And I really only get 7-8 hours between incidents.


Donkey on 06/24/2017:
Vietnamese sandwich -- sounds like something I need to know more about! :-)

Hang in there! I don't know how you manage. I give you props and my respect.

happy-1 on 06/26/2017:
Hugs. Thank you!!!

Yelp should be able to tell you where you can get them in your area. I like it when they come with very slender rolls of french bread, almost wafer thin... then lots of fillings.



happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 21, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

3:30am and can't sleep, despite sleeping pills. So much for making it to bootcamp... or anything really tonight. So tired. Online therapist isn't responding. I think she is on vacation. Feeling a bit like I hit a wall at 40... Trying not to eat what is eating me.

Here is my diet log for Tuesday:

2 mini pizzas and diet coke (found them in the freezer and fell off the wagon)

Fancy mexican paleo lunch I made for my parents. Can't figure out why they got high blood sugar. It was meat, veggies, beans, a little cheese. Mine didn't even tick up a point.

Nothing the rest of the day. Went to a movie. Came home starving.

Kale salad with chicken.

Chicken rice and bean leftovers

Trail mix

Thinking about all the friends I have let slip away and miss terribly. I wish I could just sign up for a service to "fix" me. Might be a good plot for a novel. The heroine hits 40 and has no one to invite to her birthday and realizes that she needs to change. She meets a con artist who puts multi vitamins in a different bottle and hands her one each time she identifies something she wants to change. Except she believes so strongly it will work that she changes even though they aren't anything special.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/21/2017:
wow...if you cannot sleep even with pills...

this is the first week in a long time that i haven't felt the need to sleep for like 10 hours every night. all the stress at work as gone down for me this week....and i am seriously re-energized...but finally getting sleepy now after 3 nights of less sleep!

are you 40? i thought you were much younger close to my age - i'm almost 35 come September.

beans got some sugar. and maybe the cheese.weird though that yours didn't spike and theirs did! maybe their portions were LARGER than yours. ?

what movie did you see? lately i've seen many good ones!

we all keep, lose, and gain friends. everythign changes over our lifetime..

happy-1 on 06/21/2017:
Yeah. The pills just make me feel drunk and cranky. They don't actually knock me out. Trazadem or something? I'll ask for something different this Friday. Chlorophorm would be most helpful, lol. Instant out.

I'm late 30s. I avoid posting exact age online.

Yeah, you are right... the beans and fried polenta were probably the carb source... I had probably 700 calories since lunch is my big meal. They probably had seconds and thirds. There wasn't a lot to put in the fridge. I was really surprised.

I saw Wonder Woman at the cheap $6 theater. It was fun. If I had paid full price I'd have been a little annoyed.

I know people come and go, but I always worry that I am aggravating, annoying, or disappointing people without realizing. The adhd makes me such a space cadet. I think I let people down because I forget as soon as I see something shiny and then suddenly remember 2 mos later.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/22/2017:
I use an over-the-counter pill that is VERY strong. If I am already very tired, I can sleep like 10-12 hours a night easily after taking this (but it takes around 1-2 hours to get me to sleep. So if I take it at 7, I’m very sleepy by 9pm and can easily sleep till 8-9 am the next day!). This pill is called Sleepinol. Strong stuff…

Yes, beans and polenta would do it. That’s all carbs. Beans are def not very high in protein. The good thing about beans is the iron and fiber :-P

Wow only $6 for WW? Did you see it in 3D? By me, the movie was over $20. I think like $23 also a fee for buying the ticket online! Can you believe it’s that expensive in NYC!?

Eh, I don’t think you should worry about who you are possibly annoying. Just be you and don’t try to unnecessarily hurt anyone physically or emotionally and you’ll be good.

happy-1 on 06/22/2017:
Aaaw. Hugs.

I'll look for it. Maybe I'll try taking the sleeping pill at 9 if I want to go to bed at 11.

The high price for entertainment is part of the charm of living in NYC?



happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 21, 2017
(Paleo + beans + bootcamp + fitbit)
Weight: 243.8

Went to sleep at 4 am, woke up at 11am. Ugh! Not going to make any progress at this rate.

11am - faked a Starbucks iced mocha with cold brew coffee, choc powder, stevia, and half n half. Apparently my mom had never heard that fake sugar substitutes raise your blood sugar higher than sugar so you need to avoid them, but stevia extract is sort of ok if it is from the health food store.

12: tried to make vegan gyros. Not enough focus. Sorted out toiletries instead. For someone who only uses a little makeup and hair product I really have a lot!!!!! I must have tried a million things that didn't work. Big pile for the hazmat collection box.

1pm - Dog pooped in the house!!!! Apparently she doesn't want to go out due to paw injury. Have to get her a cone. She opened it up by licking and now it is infected.

3:30- ate my dad's last lean cuisine. Have to buy him more. Got a call from that guy who might be a player but also might be a catch. Have to run him by my friend Helena and Molly.

5pm. Dressed and ready to go out. Finished sorting toiletries. Remaing living room projects are cleaning off kitchen table, sorting through the last few boxes (22, will this never end?).Debating closing windows and going out b/c it will get hot if i leave and take a long time to cool off.

6pm - the extra hour I put in really helped. I managed to get all the boxes out from around the kitchen table and into stacks. So now there is: - a pile of boxes of parental paperwork, - a pile of unsorted boxes (that could contain who knows what but i am hoping for stuff like flashlights for the earthquake barrel) - a pile of empty cardboard boxes and stuff to organize other stuff with - a pile of my stuff that I need to straighten out - a pile of camping stuff I can use to put together emergency bags for my parents - a pile of toiletries - a pile of my bags, fully packed for different activities. - a box of food to use up or toss, upon closer inspection

scrambled to leave to make it to pharmacy before they closed....waiting for COBRA to kick in and my meds were $500!!!!!

Had a slice of pizza and some diet fruit punch. Then went and picked up rotisserie chickens, fruit and tuna. Stopped at Trader Joes on the way home to pick up stuff for vegetarian gyros. I need to use up vital wheat gluten, nutritional yeast, and some falaffel mix.

9:20pm. Had some rotisserie chicken and chocolate chip cookies. Fridge is jam packed again. Ugh. They alwys overbuy. Going to try to get to bed by 11:30 tonight.

11:30pm - ordered some stuff online... 2 dog gates for my parents, copper tape for sweet potato vine, muzzle for doggie earthquake kit, pool shock for camping and earthquake bins. Took 1 trazadem and 6 melatonins. Let's hope I sleep tonight.

Goals for tomorrow are packing meds and viamins for 30 days, paperwork, ordering bulk buy of minced onion . Such a pain to buy it every week.

Progress as of today: 64.2 lbs lost so far, only 63.8 lbs to go!


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