home
forums directory search about DD
Sign-in or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
InnerPeace 10:49A
Horn_Of_Plenty 8:26A
graindart 8:13A
BearCountryGG 7:58A
pinklatte 6:33A
happy-1 2:24P
Donkey 9/18
Maria7 9/16
legcramps 8/31
smilewithkatie 5/28
Puddles 5/18
Duaa123. 5/03
52LivingLife 4/16
Jayhawkjen 4/14
trishpiglet3 4/12
thinkpositive 3/21
onceagain 2/01
KathyBlue 1/08
xanthe 11/28
jazzstorie 11/27
Cybermom4 10/31
jabockov 10/06
biscottibody59 9/12
tgshare 8/16
mylilsista 8/10

Recent Forum Topics
DD Future - 2017 - 12:34P 30-Apr

My First time! - 6:19P 7-Mar

Can't post replies to journal posts - 2:14P 17-Sep

WEBMASTER: Replies to comments on diary - 6:16P 12-Jul

DD Maintenance - 05/14/2015 - 2:52A 25-Jul

Shoes - 4:55P 19-Nov

view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Sunday Aug 12, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

Short post today.

6:30AM

Woke up on MY OWN almost on time. 

Spent day cooking, cleaning. Endless task. Prepped several meals for week. Gently stepped around the fight my dad kept trying to pick all morning.

Meals prepped for the week are breakfasts (Eggs, turkey bacon, sweet potato hash), boneless wings with carrots and celery, chili and sweet potato "unfried fries" 

12PM - 10PM

Whole project today has been fixing my iphone and laptop... Productive but devastating because I have lost all my happy memories in a bad data recovery. It is a punch to the gut. Like having your wedding album set on fire.

Healthy choices in the middle of it:

- Salad as meal of choice at Starbucks. Lots of broccoli and zuchhini at dinner. Stayed out of the chocolate and pasta to "drown my sorrows"

- Made dinner for parents anyway

- Walked dog anyway

- Called puppet dude anyway. 

- Made brown rice for the week anyway

- Didn't watch something happy on Netflix to "drown my sorrows"

- Made an appointment with Apple support for tomorrow to see if they can help

- Took sleep meds as soon as I rremembered, at an OK time.

Weirdly no neck pain even though I was under emotional stress. Went to bed at 10PM. 

In a spark of insanity, I proposed a change to puppet dude’s act, where whenever he is about to overshare, his date texts him and tells him to stop. Partially because he was about to overshare... snd I stopped him, then winced at the idea of actually going to his show... because I will hear things that will prevent me from ever nailing him. So now he wants to write together. Now I kind of want to go

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/13/2018:
I'm so sorry you weren't able to preserve all of your memories and data. Ohhhh...

But I applaud you for getting stuff done and good stuff, too!

Sounds like you have a nice repoire developing with the puppet guy :)

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
TY. Trying.

It's a weird repertoire. He simultaneously wants to date me and work with me. I dunno that the combo works. I dunno that I could hang out with him and not have opinions about his act. The writer's guild has a generic writing partner placeholder contract that people can use to try out an idea together and have the IP protected. I guess that's where to start.


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
both the laptop and phone need fixing!? why both!

I am going to eat some Zucchini soon too! i bought one to spiralize at home and use a light caeser dressing atop it! so good. maybe with tofu too.

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
Because they are both from Apple... and my iCloud account had the bad backup. Data loss.


legcramps on 08/13/2018:
Oh, I feel for you about the laptop and phone and losing all those wonderful memories! So sorry!

Sounds like you and Puppet dude are getting along so far, aside from the 'oversharing' lol. Awesome to hear :)

happy-1 on 08/13/2018:
Yeah. It's a nice change.



happy-1 - Saturday Aug 11, 2018
(Change all through C, track time, pain, and food)
Weight: 221.4

226.1... my little descent / spinout has made me gain 5lbs. Aaaargh. Self-defeat is in my wiring, but I am changing everything one day at a time. Last night I took my sleep meds late but still managed to get up on my own without an alarm at 6:30AM. I have no pain in my neck, elbow, wrist, ankle or toe... Going to start tracking that along with time and food and get better about tracking food. I got bummed about how much I was eating and didn't log all of it. I left my fitbit off yesterday. Might do that again today.

6:30AM

Up.

- Ate dark chocolate chips instead of breakfast because I woke up bummed.

Walked my dog before it got hot. Neighbor says that a house of deceased couple the next block over is in the hands of a guy who might be an addict. Nerve-wracking.

8:30AM

Made breakfast for fam.

- Turkey bacon, sweet potato hash and a cheese omlette. Diet pepsi.

Mom got her blood test results back and all those dinners I've been slinging have had an impact. She might be able to avoid going on insulin... 205lbs... glucose is in range, This made me happy.

10:30AM

Puppet dude is very nice. Not the hottest, but nice. His forehead was peeling. I spent the whole time staring at it and thought about saying something but I didn't want to make hm self-consicous. Luckily, it was close to his eyes so hopefully it wasn't too noticable. I think he might be a hoarder because while I was talking to him I had the strangest urge to clean my purse out... and that's always a sure sign. Plus he dreams of having cats again someday. I got claustrophobic just sitting there thinking about the cats and the smell and the pending asthma attasks. I was half ready to pull out my inhaler just thinking about the cats. He really liked me. I could learn to like him. Worth a second look at least.

- 2 coffees, half and half.

Neck started just killing me while we were having coffee. A hand warmer pad I keep in my bag just for that purpose did not help. If I think about what made my neck hurt... my favorite little steve madden backpack that I love love love (and Molly HATES) was too heavy..... And I was overwhelmed by all the negative thinking.

Image result for steve madden backpack tribal weave

By way of Nordstroms rack which had nothing I wanted. Weird feeling. Well, Kate Spade sunglasses for $70... but I am in the $10 range for something I lose and replace monthly.

- Raw cashews

1:30 PM

Home and resting.

- turkey burger and cheese, slice of bread, olive oil

- mindless snacking... 4 granola bars and some dark chocolate chips.

4:30PM

Dad asks if I'd like to go out to dinner... but doesn't have a destination in mind. I can't think of anyplace I want to go... Everything is so salty out and honestly all I really want is some broccoli. These random requests to go out to dinner makes me spn out every time... I get all upset that I can;t make things good for him or get my mom out to go out with us... It just makes me so sad.

8:00PM

To pick myself up from being really sad, I just started fixing whatever was in front of me, I put air in my bike and car tires. I went over my car with a lint roller and got all the fur out it. I made dog food. I took clutter off my keyring. I went and did a grocery run for all the stuff I asked my mom to pick up at the market but she didn't. I made my dad a grilled cheese sandwich with my homemade pickes.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... I GOT ALL MY PHOTOS OFF MY IPHONE... Now I can download the software update and reset it... and rejoin humanity... 

Except I can't get the update to work.

11PM

Sleep Meds kicking in. Gotta put away the dog food and go to bed.

Boring, pointless church tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/11/2018:
Wonderful news that your Mom is avoiding the insulin injections.......D is on metformin and so far avoiding the insulin too.......he's also losing weight and monitoring the sugars and carbs......it's working for him too........so nice that you have been able to help her.

happy-1 on 08/11/2018:
Hugs. Good job on you too.


Maria7 on 08/12/2018:
You are such a wonderful Daughter to your Parents! Have a blessed day. :-)

happy-1 on 08/12/2018:
Ha. I dunno about that. I also aggravate them terribly and am sleeping on their couch. Gotta do something for them. Aaaand I'm off to make my dad his fav dinner, even though I think it is gross.


Donkey on 08/12/2018:
You got a lot done yesterday!

Homemade pickles? YUMMMM....

happy-1 on 08/12/2018:
Yeah. Fridge with dill and garlic. The best kind because they are crisp and green.


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
i love crisp pickles best also!


horn_of_plenty on 08/13/2018:
it's a cute backpack...but if it's over $20, i wouldn't spend $$$ on it because it's very casual and shoudn't be worth much more!!!!!



happy-1 - Friday Aug 10, 2018
(Change all things through C, track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

Today was so hot I couldn't think let alone type.

Achievements: haircut, HM return. Costco run. Fixed my own headlights, put up bug tent on patio. Bought a flash drive to get data off my phone. I might fix it yet.

Hurdles: heat, neck, elbow, wrist, and ankle pain.

Losses: are too many junky things. Didn't drink enough water.. Didn't get any personal stuff done. Didn't walk my dog. Didn't go do anything fun on a friday night.

Distorted thinking today... mostly that I'm "done" and there's no hope of ever getting my life on track or having a companion again. I know this isn't true... just playing as a tape in my head.

Changing everything one step at a time. Starting by taking sleep meds at 9pm and getting up early.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/11/2018:
I've had that "done" feeling before; I'm sorry you were feeling that way. You handled that well by getting ready to sleep. "Tomorrow is a new day!"

I hope you are feeling better today. I feel that life is so much harder when the weather is unbearably hot. Focus on water-intake, perhaps?



happy-1 - Friday Aug 10, 2018
(Change all things through C, track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

Today was so hot I couldn't think let alone type.

Achievements: haircut, HM return. Costco run. Fixed my own headlights, put up bug tent on patio. Bought a flash drive to get data off my phone. I might fix it yet.

Hurdles: heat, neck, elbow, wrist, and ankle pain.

Losses: are too many junky things. Didn't drink enough water.. Didn't get any personal stuff done. Didn't walk my dog. Didn't go do anything fun on a friday night.

Distorted thinking today... mostly that I'm "done" and there's no hope of ever getting my life on track or having a companion again. I know this isn't true... just playing as a tape in my head.

Changing everything one step at a time. Starting by taking sleep meds at 9pm and getting up early.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!


happy-1 - Thursday Aug 09, 2018
(Change all things through C, track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

2AM

Randomly woke up starving. Not my usual thing. Tried to ignore it but no good. Ate 2 pbjs. Did dishes. Went back to bed.

3AM

Still up. 1 glass milk.

4AM

Gave up. Got up and made real breakfast. Then couldn't finish it. 2 eggs, olive oil, bite of a hot link, 1/3 paleo pancake. Everything hurts like someone whacked me with a pole. I duno why. I didn't got to exercise class. Took Tylenol.

8AM

Giving myself some down time while I wake up to log here.

Must have fallen asleep whie waiting for dawn to walk my dog. Dad woke me up when he heard his 8AM alarm because I asked him for help making sure I never sleep past 8AM. Aaaaw, daddy. Doing right by his little girl and still there enough to remember things. Guess I'm sucking it up and taking him to Ralph's later. Super groggy and spacey though. I will be alright this week though... Dad kept me from throwing off my sleep cycle and I've had enough to be functional today.

I think the church group last night was too stimulating that late at night. The whole thing was weird because a family in the congregation lost an 8 month old baby... Which was terribly sad... But when it was announced, the group started crying and the whole meeting fell apart. They must all be really close.

Also did not help that I looked up that puppet guy from OKC on Facebook and watched his comedy videos before going to bed. He's funny and not terribly hot but at least not creepy! I saw two 5 minute sets, but couldn't find his hour long one. The two bits are super self-deprecating... capitalizing on the fact that at the time he looked a bit like a Minion... and talks about how nobody would let him sit with him in high school and he couldn't get a date... very "my life sucks". I can't help think that if this is his set, the universe is listening and will give him more of the same. I asked him what happens if he gets a girlfriend? He'd have to rewrite everything. He's like no, I'd just chang everything to past tense. I said he's lost so much weight and is in better shape now... It's got to come off like you're telling someone else's jokes... You'd be better off rewriting everything and including jokes about your new girlfriend... Like... "I asked my girlfriend to send me some nudie pics while I am on the road. She sent me photos of my puppets in a state of undress. She knows me so well." He says I can be his writer.

10:30AM

Looking at the H and M site, they have some great separates that could be a dress or jumpsuit... But only in bright red!!!! I have everything on an olive, blue, and black base with one red tank for pop... So they wouldn't fit, but they are awesome and if I wait a month I might see something that works with my existing setup... that isn't a spaghetti strap top! But gorgeous.

Crêped Camisole TopWide-leg Pants

Also dyed my hair and gave myself a mani/pedi. Happy with the color this time. No weird orange cast. I can't believe I used to get this stuff done professionally. Or that I never forgot to keep it all tip top. That seems like a different person 1 million years ago. I think my brain is all muddled all the time partially because my nails, hair and makeup fall out of synch for a couple of weeks here and there.

2:45PM

Gave up on trying to start my brain. Just too hot. Not happening. My poor dog keeps staring at me and following me around like she expects me to do something amazing... ugh... not happening. I just followed OT instructions and bailed out. Getting a burger and organzing my bag if not my brain. There's AC but it really doesn't make it that much cooler. Still, just not staring at the mass of unfinished projects helps. I need to do this every AM. Find a spot I can walk to with my dog. Not much around that is open before 8am in my dog's range though and right now at 7am it is already too hot.

5:30PM

Used BearCountry's timer to time my rest stop at home. Picking up my  dog and heading out to see who shows to the K9 meetup for a dog walk and brews. So far 3 people have bailed.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/09/2018:
Yep, it can be difficult to fall back asleep against hunger. BTDT.

happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
Right???


legcramps on 08/09/2018:
I'm loving your entries; you are a great storyteller!

happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
TY! You are too. It is interesting to see your daily entries too... You're a coach. It's the opposite end of where I am at.


horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
lately i'm getting that also...it could be from drinking alcohol or coffee too late in the day?

happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
Didn't have any. I am limited to one caffinated drink a day, and no later than 3pm, per nutritionist and OT agrees. OT says waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep these days is most likely caused by staring at an electronic screen after dark. Like your laptop while you are internet stalking some dude you met on OKC.


horn_of_plenty on 08/09/2018:
the top is nice, i wouldn't buy those other bottom pieces. too much...

happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
Yeah in red it is too much, but the same pattern in a fine tan geometric print on a black background? Ideal and great for packing one bag for a week.


Donkey on 08/10/2018:
Oh I love the red! I always feel more alive when I wear bright colors. I see you choose mostly neutrals, but maybe a splash of red, blue, or purple would suit you?

So nice that you did your hair and nails! Self-care is important!

I love reading your entries!



happy-1 - Wednesday Aug 08, 2018
(I can do all things through C, Track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

5AM

Up. Yay me!!!! Pulled dog in for a cuddle. She says it is too hot. I say cuddle anyway. I'm bigger. I win. For one second "walk" flitted through my brain and she is now 100% up. If I want to hang out, she says, I need to go for a walk. Who owns who? I must have a PBJ first. She must have a PB, no J.

***Update... I know why I was so brain dead today... took sleep meds at the same time a adhd meds and flopped my way through the day. Lesson learned... no matter how badly my dog wants a walk, turn the light on.***

6AM

Dad requested a special Dunkin Donuts coffee. Which required finding the grinder. He has also left me a sinkful of dishes to wash and a kitchen to clean. It was clean when I went to bed last night..

7AM

No gardening today. It is already too hot... and the patio looks dismal. Maybe I will start with putting up the bug tent tonight so I can even be out there... and keep an eye out for art so at least there is something to look at. And dark grey paint to make all the found containers match.

 

Tried to start my dill seeds last night and made a mess of it. The onion bottoms I cut from veggies and put in water to regrow are soggy and full of flies. I have no idea of what I can put in the bottoms of the keg buckets for drainage... if I save slim fast bottles, it will take months to have enough. I'd hate to waste unused aluminum foil by crumpling it up into balls.

Watched Poh and Co "for just 10 min" after a shower and ended up starving for real food. "Just one pancake" turned into making a bunch of pancakes, hotlinks, coffee, and orangaid for parents at breakfast table. Mostly because I felt small for not wanting to make my dad coffee.

9:30AM

Taking a break and making a grocery list... new sales are posted. Waiting for parents to move their car and I will leave. Ended up meal planning for next several weeks. Nutritionist reclassified both my yogurt tubes and paleo granola to "desserts"... which sucks. With only 1 serving of fruit or sugar a day, most of the sales are not relevant to my needs. I picked out a bunch of recipes for hiding veggies in.

11-30AM

Neck and back are killing me again. I think it's dehydration. Took advil. Drinking water. Parents decided to not go out. Mom looked good though... She's lost 3 more lbs and is at my goal weight for the year. 206. She was wearing some khaki crops I bought her and one of my old peasant tops with brown sandals... like a pleasantly pulled together granny... not babayaga. Agreed to go to midweek church service tonight since It is too hot to go to yoga.

1PM Headed out with laptop and cooler. Mailman says he has a package when he comes down. We have mail theft and could be dad's meds... headed back in. Broiling anyway. Stuck dog and myself in shower fully clothed. Adderall. Lunch... 3 cups broccoli topped with a lean cuisine. More water.

2:30PM Semi-human. Left house. Did 2 of my goals from yesterday. Came home. Took a break. Realized dad is out of whitebread, ran to store. Made dinner in instant pot... Pot roast, mashed potatoes.

7:30,

Made it to church. Ugh... Not my scene but the people are nice so I will likely go back again.

Talked to puppet guy off Just OK Cupid. Made him send me a comedy video. He's actually pretty funny. It's that self depricating humor that always makes me wince... I told him if he gets a girlfriend, none of it will apply anymore and he'll have to change his whole act.

10:30

Good night. Sleep tight. If you see chocolate, ice cream or beer don't bite.

 

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/09/2018:
Hey, I give you props for getting out to church. Gets you out, something to do, be around other people, even if it's not your particular scene.



happy-1 - Tuesday Aug 07, 2018
(I can do all things through C, Track time and food)
Weight: 221.4

Happy Tuesday! Day 2 of changing absolutely everything, 1 step at a time. Tracking my time here because it is key to losing weight... and getting a job. As such... I am updating my drrent diet... so my "time" is on a diet as well as my food and exercise.

Today's criteria for success:

  • Eat 250 cal less than I burn
  • Apply for 5 jobs
  • Handle 2 items of personal business
  • Get mom out for a movie and an excursion
  • Restock household supply of bottled water

8AM

Overslept because I got to bed late. Hit snooze over and over for 2h. Breakfast is the last 2 gogurt tubes and 1 serving paleo granola.

9AM 

Brain still on sleep meds. A little groggy from having the sleep stuff too late last night. It takes about 9 hours to get out of my system. Shooting to be functional by 10am. Also Fitbit needs a charge so I will wait to do the patio till it is done. With weird calorie count yesterday, if Fitbit doesn't count it, I am sitting still.

Low brain tasks only... Going through grocery sales on mygrocerydeals.com and making a list.

9:30 - figure out that I can't because the new ads aren't up till tomorrow. DUH. I guess if they end on Tuesday they don't post the new ones till the next day. UGH.

Decided to work on Costco Price book. Takes an insane amount of time to enter all the prices I wrote down!!!! Definitely an app idea in here.

10:45AM

Made healthy chili cheese fries for me and dad. Took longer because dad got excited and haunted me in the 1.5 butt kitchen and he is 323 lbs so he is 2 butts by himself and I and 223 lbs and 1.5 butts by myself. Like having 4 people in the kitchen.

11:30AM

Listened to the 21 day meditation challenge tape from Innerpeace's challenge. I dunno that I feel the peace and calm. Also looked up "home meditation spaces" on google to see what I need to setup out there.

11:50AM

Brain worked enough to figure out Anytrans... so yes maybe it helped. It will copy your content from your phone to your laptop but it will not delete photos from your iphone. You have to manually delete them. $40. Alternate option for $60 is to buy a flash drive that connects to your iphone. You can store videos and music on that... 

12PM

Aaaaaw... Molly wants to go to a Depeche Mode tribute band at the OC Fair. It feels nice to be included.

I told her I need to check my calendar first. I really need to check the prices first. Looks like $12 for a ticket and $10 for parking... Plus figure $20 for food between a beer and a burger... $10 for gas... So like $55 or so... To probably not have any fun or meet any guys... because we never get hit on (because we look like a old lesbian couple and I'm the dude).

Best coupon is half price admission on Groupon? So $49...

Errrrr... 

12:40PM

Lunch. Kellogs crustless quiche, 2 cups broccoli. Single serving packet of trail mix

Trying to get my head together about what I need to do but it is getting too hot to think. Need to wash my dog to keep her cool and fresh. I'll start there.

1PM

Sitting down to do personal business tasks. Having a hard time getting my brain to focus. Trying Innerpeace's meditation tape again and making another vision board "Tasks" to puzzle out all the steps I need to do to get some stuff done. I know what they are but meditative... Settle the butterflies so they go and do that thing.

Mostly I am thinking about how much I want a double cheeseburger lettuce wrap but it is not time yet to do that

As the tape says "I am my ideal body".

1:30PM

Made dad lunch... A turkey burger with jack cheese and guac, fries, pickle. I just had the burger, some guac and thousand island. Change everything, one step at a time.

2:30PM

Can't think still. Desperate for a whole gallon of mocha fudge ice cream. Having stevia lemonade and gum instead. Neck, elbow, wrist, and ankle hurt. Sudden invasion of flies because I took meat out to thaw and although it was sealed the outside smelled and they were there. Must be a window that needs tape. Took care of flies and vacumed. Dumped all my personal stuff out on the floor. Dog is fighting me for floor space. Floor hog! Having advil and a nap.

4:30PM

Had a double chocolate lenny and larry's protein cookie. Sorting through to do items by priority. Making stacks to attack.

5PM

Mom ultimately bailed on seeing a movie or going to the tap room brewery... But canceling plans on me got he past her procrastination so... success?

I missed the window to run errands and just left the house for 2h. Closest destination was the drugstore for necessities. Thought of Bearcountry and bought a digital timer. Change everything one step at the time.

Over the next 5 hours I tried attacking the patio but it was too daunting. It's just such an ugly sad mix of clutter and crap right now. Then I talked to the puppeteer off okc. Talked to molly. Made fro yo pops. Rearranged my bag again. Took sleep meds on time. Spaced out 2h. Want to bed 9:30

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/07/2018:
Just commented on yesterdays...LOL


Donkey on 08/08/2018:
I love your daily recaps! You've mentioned a couple of things here that I want to talk about in my own diary, but just wanted to let you know that I hear she you're coming from.

Try not to get too discouraged over the patio. I was watching this gardening show last night, showing how sometimes you have to do a total deconstruction before you can begin to build again. That your patio is chaos shows that you're well on your way to success!

happy-1 on 08/08/2018:
Yeah it mostly looks like ghetto concrete and a pile of junk... but that will change.



happy-1 - Monday Aug 06, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Monday! Unlimited potential for a new week! 

Here is where my time today went. I

8am

Attacked patio... It is a horror show and I want to boost mom's morale by making it a nice place for her to sit. Cleaned it yesterday. Today I pulled out supplies and arranged containers.

10am

Kitchen... made giant batch of turkey chili and cleaned. 

12:30

Showered/hair/nails/

1pm 

Just had lunch and I am still "snacky" and restless hungry. Nutritionist says that I am supposed to log what's going on with me when I binge or am about to. Breakfast was coffee, protein bar, and a gogurt. Snack was a lean cuisine and 3 cups of broccoli. Lunch was 2 gogurts and a 1/3 cup of paleo granola. Tearing into a 4 serving bag of salted peanuts. Can't tell if I am hungry, thirsty, lonely, or emotional or just tireed of having my neck hurt.

---

Realized I only got 4h sleep. Tried a nap.

---

2:30pm 

Woke up from nap with random anxiety spike. No other stimulus other than being too hot. Plan is to do a mail run and go to the cafe next door for free wifi and a spot to work. Stuck to it even though brain fray said "go to 99 cent store". Feels good to do something I planned to do at the time I planned to do it. Changing everything one step at a time. Stuck to plan and ordered water, a single cheeseburger lettuce wrap, and swapped the fries for broccoli. Waitress brought the burger with the bun... but got the broccoli right. I took a bite of the bun. Realized I have no willpower to not eat the bun...and took the bun off my plate, stuck it in the creamer bowl and put it on the wait station for the waitress. Got some odd looks for that. I said "I am really really trying". The other waitress was nice and said "My daughter is really trying too. She gets the lettuce wrap also."

Original plan was to do computer work here, but the new waitress was really frustrating and I just wanted out. 

Went to market for balance of "2h outside the house" per OT instructions. Just got enough for tonight's dinner. Costco run later this week.

---

5PM

Extreme heat today. Hit the wall, physically and can't keep going. Took a break to log here and work on vision board for patio. Goal is to only spend like $50 over the next couple of months on potting soil and just use containers from the house to start seeds. Drill holes in the bottom, etc. To make it an attractive place to sit, I'll have to layer in some kind of art on the walls while the plants grow. Maybe throw another $30 at a box of air plant babies off Etsy for wall art.

Mom bought tons of gardening stuff about 10 years ago and never set anything up. Except for art, all I really need is dirt.

---

6:20 PM

Made dinner and ate with parents. Trying to boost mom's morale so I made healthy chinese takeout food. Used rotisserie chicken for a chinese stir fry over ramen noodles and egg rolls. I had like 1/4 packet of ramen and filled in the rest with bean sprouts.

Also packed all the chili for tomorrow and put it away and did another round of dishes. 

I HAVE MADE PHENOMENAL TURKEY CHILI!!!!!

---

7:40 PM

It is cool enough out to think now. I should really walk my dog, but I should accomplish one personal task.

---

Got distracted by a dude on JustOKcupid. He is a puppeteer and sounds nice. He also recently got into decent shape and "normal" range. He likes running and wants to try camping. Could be fun.

Decided that my 1 personal task for tonight is to solve the mystery of getting data off my iphone 6 so I can get it to work as more than just a phone. The 00s called and they want their crappy Blackberries back. Found a tool called Anytrans that promises to help you sync data across multiple phones, laptops, storage accounts, etc. Genius. Will have to check it out when I am awake in the AM.

---

9:10 PM

Walked dog. Fed dog. Pet dog. Good dog.

Ate leftover stir fry

Another shower. Another Gogurt.

Tried to figure out calorie count on cronometer. Not sure how... but I ate SO MUCH and am still in my target calorie deficit. I shoot for -250 a day, roughly.

---

10:50 PM 

Took sleep meds. Should have taken them at 8:30 but a dude distracted me. With puppets!

 

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/06/2018:
LOVE the patio idea!!!!!!!

You did very well today. Be proud of your accomplishments today!

happy-1 on 08/07/2018:
TY. I did get one personal task done. That is an achievement!


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
No - i grew up in a middle class suburb and no i wasn't around the rich, snobby, movie-star kids at all. I was talking to a coworker the other day who questioned me or said something about name-brands and i can tell you that where i grew up, NOBODY even thought twice to NOT consider name brands - we didn't care about brands or names or $$$. Where i grew up, you could be very fashionable and yes people were, but it wasn't about what BRAND or how expensive your stuff was because it's something most kids couldn't do. parents just weren't putting that kinda money out and nobody cared bc you could get a lot of the same things for less...i didn't grow up in NYC / Manhattan so i didn't see wealth on the daily at all. the only time i have ever seen it is now, when i'm working in NYC very often i see women working around wearing such nice clothes and i always say to myself, how can they afford to wear that stuff everyday!?


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
what movie will you see? i saw one that wasn't that great i don't recommend - called The Spy Who Dumped Me. it just wasn't so great! After an hour, i checked the time. luckily the second hour went faster.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
OMG that was the one I was planning to see... I love Mila Kunis.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/06/2018:
i see your lunch of gogurts and granola - i wouldn't feel full either...very high calorie dense stuff and sugary with low fiber...but sometimes that is just what you want :) why do you feel lonely? i feel like you were just hanging out quite a bit?

and now i read the next sentence...you are TIRED. i get that way, too, when i'm tired. very snacky.

funny thing to do with the bun...whatever works :)


Donkey on 08/07/2018:
If we're talking about food choices. I agree with Horn that Go Gurts aren't the best choice... although they are a nice substitute for ice cream if you freeze them.

So frustrating to read about the new waitress. Good for you for handling that bun!

The puppet guy sounds interesting...


horn_of_plenty on 08/07/2018:
it's not a GREAT movie. it's ok though, not the worst.!


BearCountryGG on 08/07/2018:
I saved your patio plans to my pics and blew them up to see the details....I LOVE IT!!! I really like the pink buckets....nice color for a garden...it looks so cozy, secluded and inviting.........I'm sure you will have a lot of fun putting that together....kind of like a ZEN garden!!!

happy-1 on 08/07/2018:
If you right-click on images on DD and open in a new tab you can see them without saving :-)

Thanks! I am hoping to get my 2h of daylight per OT instructions.

My mom would probably like a Zen garden. She claims to be a Buddhist now.



happy-1 - Sunday Aug 05, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

My dog has been peaceful at my feet all day so I can tell she can tell I am bummed. No texts from prince charming today. I texted him thank you yesterday. Haven't heard from him since his polite reply back last night. I can't tell if I am rejecting myself on his behalf so he doesn't have to reject me... or if I actually got rejected. It is a fine line between being realistic and creating a negative energy that creates the situation you are trying to avoid... so I am putting that energy here and walking away from it. Instead I will just go back to work on my vision board and focus on all the things I do want in my life.

It took me forever to fall asleep last night so I just got out of bed, did a chore, then tried to go back to bed. Repeated until about 3am... so 7h. I think Took my fitbit off so I could stop obsessing about sleep. No idea what time I woke up. 8? I actually haven't had enough calories yet today. I'd go out and eat something but I am better off waiting for church first and then heading with my dog to the brewery. So maybe I will solve both and settle myself by making turkey chili in the instant pot. My parents say no more ground turkey but I bought 4 flats on sale and I like it just fine.

Services tonight. Part of my vision board includes being part of the community that way. Maybe I should just go work on my vision board while the chili cooks. It's really helping me focus my wardrobe. I have a church outfit that is dressy and appropriate without a sweaty existential crisis and I know what to pack for dog sitting. I can even practice pack to make sure it all fits in 1 bag.

----

I must really be bummed today because it is almost 11 at night and my dog is still keeping me company. I never get this much attention from her. Or maybe it is a reward for scrubbing her patio with simple green. It was a little overdue.

I also made it to services today. I had no emotional connection to the sermon but I picked up a couple of thoughts for the week which is all that I ask.

Super restless tonight. Plus my neck aches. Can't focus.

It is going to be hot tomorrow. But i have an outfit set out, my box is packed to work on, I picked up the living room and kitchen, i putmeds and water by my bed and set my alarm. My yoga bag is ready. I can wake up and change everything one step at a time first thing tomorrow morning.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I agree...obsessing about sleep prevents sleep.....relaxation promotes it.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Hugs!


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
Also forgot to mention that turkey upsets our stomachs a little...My mom was the same way.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Yeah, I don't know why my mom not wanting to eat ground turkey bummed me out and knocked me off cooking consistently. It's like I just can't will myself to cook and I like cooking.


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I also left you a message on your previous post.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Aaaaw. Hugs.


Donkey on 08/06/2018:
I think pets can sense when something is troubling us. I truly believe that is why our one cat loves to sit on my husband's lap. I think she can sense his inflammation.

I hope that you are not feeling down because of the OKC guy. (((hugs)))

I love that you said this: "I can wake up and change everything one step at a time..." That is amazing.

happy-1 on 08/06/2018:
Only because it is so hard to find good conversations and I miss the companionship of a relationship. UDG is great to talk to, but I can't hang out with him without setting myself back. Ex is... weird. No fun to hang out with a guy for whom you aren't the girl he goes the extra mile for.



happy-1 - Sunday Aug 05, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 221.4

Had a fun time this morning with OKC Prince Charming. I'll take bets on whether or not I hear from him again... I liked him a lot but I'm not sure he was into me. I think he enjoyed our conversation, is looking for someone like me (independent, age-appropriate, no kids, similar interests) but in a hotter (skinnier, bigger boobs, "higher maintenance" with the makeup and hair, more of a reformed dress-over-the-head party girl) to go with his rock and roll lifestyle. He showed up on a fancy Harley Davidson motorcycle with all the bling and tattoos to boot. His profile showed him mostly outdoors and with his dogs... laid back CA guy. I didn't expect him to be quite so status-conscious... He pays more attention to people, brands, styles and trends than I do. Still, he does massively go against type in some respects. We talked about future adventures, favorite trails, destinations, cooking, gardening, music, favorite shows on Netflix (more in common than I would have thought), astronomy... We even had the same coffee order. Regular, iced, with half and half. Honestly, even if he doesn't want to date me I'd still want to hang out.  He seemed to appreciate the brownies I brought.

And I thought I looked fantastic in my beach outfit. I have to get a photo of my dress. It is better than the one I posted... More tailoring and more flattering. I thought I had found a photo of it online but mine is much better. If I had to exist as a ghost wearing the same thing every day, this is the outfit I'd want to be wearing... Cold wouldn't bug me, right?

Next packing challenge is to get ready for dog-sitting weekend after next. One bag! I can do it.

Tomorrow I want to conquer adulting tasks and show up for church at 5pm. Grr. Get after it.

Progress as of today: 95.6 lbs lost so far, only 15.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 08/05/2018:
Well, at least it was a positive experience. I'm not sure how to interpret the "status" focus he seems to have, except that I've been told that's "very LA" by other midwesterners who have visited. (LOL - not sure that's accurate, but I enjoy those types of stories, about how other folks live in different parts of the US or the world.)

Ooo, nice to hear you'll be dog-sitting again! I look forward to your recaps!!

Glad to hear you're gonna make church tonight. It's a good thing.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
There's something about LA that makes you feel like you are worthless if you don't fit central casting's archetypes. It turns into not being able to allow yourself to let people in who don't fit an archetype... LA is so liberal and out there... but it's kind of like a group of goth kids... they have a defined way to be goth and if you aren't goth enough you are out. I felt more comfortable, accepted, and at home in Ohio... dead center of the bible belt. It was ok to be female over 25, a size 12, interested in cars, mechanics, math science and computers but also cooking. I didn't have to have an elevator pitch to explain who I am in a digestible format to save them the time of actually getting to know me... It was enough to say hi and have a chat whenever you saw them.


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
I HAVE to ask...he has a motorcycle and a Rock and Roll lifestyle...but what does he do for a living?

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Repairs printers and office equipment as a day job. I suspect a past sideline that is probably less viable now that certain things are legal here... unless he has a loyal customer base that hasn't migrated. Odd thought... maybe he is using OKC as a lead pipeline?

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
If so I must have been a terrible disappointment. It's not really my thing, same as alcohol and cigars. All have their good points but they also all give me terrible migraines for a week... so it's just not an "oooh" moment for me. I also never craved vicodin or codeine. All the leftovers from my dental work are still there. I cannot imagine why food has such a hold over me where pot, booze, nicotine, opiod, and even my adhd meds never really took hold. I can't resist food but I'm only kind of meh about pot and booze. Not worth the effort... but I have to have dark chocolate. I go up the walls without it. Ironically I brought him brownies and he had his vape pen.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/05/2018:
heyyyy ! if you are so inclined, i'd love to see a photo of the clothes on YOU! unless you don't want to :) that's ok too obviously!

you have a fun life going on...so much dating and chilling with men...i love to read about it as i'm not into it for myself but it makes for enjoyable reading! :) go you!

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Sure. I just don't want to post that stuff here. It's either my identity or my real thoughts and feelings. If I post a photo of myself I am worried I will fall off logging here. I've tried a lot of things for weightloss and while I learn from them they are not as helpful as this site and the people here. Got a fitbit profile?


BearCountryGG on 08/05/2018:
HAPPY!!!!!!! My heart aches for you every time I hear you put yourself down!!! There are LOTS OF WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HAPPY!!!! You have a fantastic sense of humor....you are an individual who refuses to let others define who you are! You are a devoted pet owner who has kept your dog active and loved for many years past their predicted age. You take care of 2 parents who I' m sure are quite a challenge at times yet you persevere...you worry about them, care for them and work to keep them healthy as you possibly can...and I know you feel bad when you can't always do the things they would like to do. I just want you to know that I think you are pretty cool......and I think you should be proud of yourself and who you strive to be...you are not following the crowd..you know when the crowd disappears...those that follow are lost...it's the individuals that have the strength to really be themselves...that make it in life. Please cut yourself some slack and know that I think you are a very interesting lady, with a lot to offer the right guy.....maybe you just haven't found the right one yet...or maybe just maybe..HE will find YOU!!!!....but know...that I think you are a lot more interesting and special lady than you think you are...PLEASE...give yourself some credit....and just be you.....

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Aaaaaw... there is so much there my brain freezes up. I wasn't saying that I am worthless, rather that it is a social dynamic here in LA due to the crazy impact of mass migration of young people for Hollywood, music, video games and other image-based industries.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Aaaaaw... there is so much there my brain freezes up. I wasn't saying that I am worthless, rather that it is a social dynamic here in LA due to the crazy impact of mass migration of young people for Hollywood, music, video games and other image-based industries.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
I was trying to say that from our conversation I recognized in him that dynamic... that he is very conscious of how he packages himself and is unlikely to step outside his "box" to date a woman who isn't interested in putting money or time into fitting into an archetype... even if he finds her attractive and had fun.


Horn_of_plenty on 08/05/2018:
I agree with BCGG :) be proud of yourself and don't put yourself down like you are worthless bc you are NOT!

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
I think something got misinterpreted. I was saying that everyone who grows up here struggles with that dynamic. He grew up in my neighborhood and went to my high school 10 years before me... we literally grew up with all the film industry kids and their parents.

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
Film industry people are a little... special. It's a warped world view

happy-1 on 08/05/2018:
You must encounter the same thing with all the people that move to NY to be actors



[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 Next Page ]