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happy-1 - Sunday May 08, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.2

B - 2 eggs, olive oil, margerine, 2 pieces of toast.

S1 - coffee, creamer, choc chip cookies

L- greek chicken meal trader joes

S2 - Slice of homemade pizza, two diet root beers

D - orange

S3- cinnamon apple bake with cottage cheese



Fell off the posting wagon for a couple of days, but ai am inching down across my plateau. 6oz lost this week.

--- 

Long, hard day today... For mother's day I cleaned the kitchen and meant to do the bathroom plumbing, but I couldn't really get much done.  I'm just so sad.  My mom said something really rude about my relationship with my ex last night, so we're in conflict. She's hungry and cranky from the weightloss plan and saying really, really mean things.  Apparently me telling her she was being mean triggered her to binge on the fudge weightloss meal bars and was going to give up her diet, but they didn't drive up her blood sugar or make her gain weight... so she figures the diet must be working so she's still on it. I wanted to take her to see Jungle Book, but I was just so sad today... I never pulled it together.

My friend M also had a lot of nasty things to say about my ex today. I just felt terrible, like I'm this horrible fool for constantly hoping that he will feel better now that he's been back from Afghanistan for a couple of months and now that he is feeling better he will want a relationship and start treating me better. I don't know why she had to jump down my throat about it. 

I know he's not treating me like it's a relationship, and it's a terrible thank you for waiting for him for a year while he was in Afghanistan (he wrote me 2x a day every day). It's just that he's amazing (even if he wasn't amazing to me) and these guys of eHarmony all suck. It makes me miss him terribly. i thought a movie would be harmless enough... have some fun and a couple of laughs... But to just get "I'm too tired for a movie come over for some beer and conversation" aka a booty call... It just makes me feel like such a failure and an idiot and that I am going to be alone forever.

Also in conflict with my dad. My parents were napping and I was hungry so I went to go make up food from my last camping trip... pizza... it isn't on my parent's medical weightloss plan so I wasn't going to share it... just make it up really fast while they were sleeping and take it for lunch this week before it goes bad. My dad woke up from his nap and got all interested in it (he's super food-oriented. it is all he lives for) and wanted to know what it was. I knew if I told him it was pizza he'd want some and it would trigger him to fall off his diet, so I was like it doesn't matter what it is, it isn't on your diet. It turned into a big blowup and he ordered me to leave the house. I didn't of course... he was just woofing. It was ugly though . I redeemed myself a little by making a cinnamon apple bake to share. Turned out well... A bag of apple slices about to go south baked with cinnamon, honey, margerine, coconut powder, and gound almonds in a casserole dish. I topped it with some cottage cheese and got him off my back.

So AAAAAAUGH! Next to the universe. Can't wait for my Tuesday night hike. I need a break, a laugh, and a little fun. Next weekend is camping with my friend H. She's a senior citizen, so it won't be super active and I can't take my dog but it will be nice to be outside.  I can also try to redo mother's day. take her to the Jungle Book this week after work... And I did get her a beautiful coffee pot from Starbucks... and a card from me and my doggie.

Progress as of today: 57.8 lbs lost so far, only 70.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/09/2016:
Your cinnamon apple bake sounds amazing & I love the idea of adding some cottage cheese to it. Nice way to add in extra protein. Another good add I guess could be greek yogurt (as a change of pace from ice cream on top?) yum. You sound like you know your way around the kitchen! Lol, I think I could give you a place at my apt! I could always use a live-in chef! Just kidding ;) Sorry to hear about all the home conflicts. We get a lot of that whenever I’m spending time with my family too. We love each other yes, but we show it in the weirdest way. We constantly bicker and fight and judge and criticize each other. Like, it’s a known fact it will happen whenever my family has a get-together. Cute and nice for mother’s day…I also have some extra mother’s day stuff to do next weekend. Ran out of time this weekend that I’m comfortable with spending even more and not doing anything for me – so I told my dad I’d visit his mom with him this weekend to come. I get to see if she likes her card I got her along with how she reacts to having her music CD being played again (it was broken). She is not with it, but I want to see if she reacts to the music or not! I think she will. Music has been known to be very beneficial for people with Dementia.



happy-1 - Saturday May 07, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

Backfilling missed entries...

Saturday I cleaned out my car (like first time in a year, yuck), then volunteered with the foster kids. Resumes, practice interviews and new outfits from goodwill rejects.

Was supposed to see Captain America with my ex, but at the last minute... he said he was too tired to see a movie and I should just come to his boat and have "some beer and conversation". I declined.  Incredibly sad... All I'm worth to him is that? 

Just sucked my whole soul dry.  I slept 14 hours. 

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!


happy-1 - Friday May 06, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

Backfilling missed entries... Friday I worked and was very productive. Left early to go get my phone I left at home... Molly cancelled plans last minute.  Ended up going to costco and then going home. Had a piece of pizza at costco, but other than that, very normal food intake.  Ex wanted me to "come to his boat". I declined. Movie with him tomorrow.

---

Almost forgot... Parent's landlord's dog bit me while I was doing my Friday night unloading ritual.

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!


happy-1 - Thursday May 05, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

B - 2 pinwheel sandwich slices, protein shake

S1 - Coffee, 2 scoops of chai mix, half and half

L - Salad, part of a diet snapple

S2 - Peanut butter crackers

D - skipped

S3 - Taco bell binge/meltdown.... Steak cantina burrito, nachos supreme, part of a taco.

 


 

Stayed crazy late at the office tonight and skipped my hike.  I just wanted to pull my weight and get stuff done, plus I picked up a project last minute at like 5pm that I have really wanted to do (redo the getting started guide... it is ridiculous) and wanted to get a jump on it. Did that and claend up loose ends last minute till 9:30.

Cute guy from camping dissed me on even being friends

Seeing BFF M on Friday. We've got girls night plans!

Saturday morning is a coding meetup, followed by foster kids, followed by seeing my ex for a movie. I miss him like I'd miss chocolate, music, good books and sunshine if they were taken away.

Sunday is mother's day. Taking mom to a movie then... Passing out?


Should have gone on the hike. Ended up doing taco bell drive thru while on the phone w/ M. Not constructive behavior and I am going to feel like crap tomorrow. M was surprisingly neutral upon hearing that I am seeing my ex saturday. Usually she calls him a narcississtic douchewad and that she hates his quaker oats face. I say it isn't that simple. We had really bad timing... And I didn't exactly force him to be on his best behavior. I think he has a lot to offer but I need to stand up for myself more and never ever cut him an inch of slack. I always made allowances and made an effort to be nice. Clearly that got me nowhere good.

 

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/06/2016:
Your days sounds so exciting! oh man.

I have the same guy problem. I can't cut it off completely with him...so terrible...I keep crawling back for more...because I miss him toooooo much!

anyways, what was in your salad at lunch? veggies only?

enjoy the movie.

I live in NYC and my dad is treating me, my sister, my mom and of course himself to a Broadway show Saturday for Mother's Day. and wow - I haven't seen one in YEARS! so excited.



happy-1 - Wednesday May 04, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

 B - Protein shake, bean and cheese burrito, 5 dak chocolate peanut butter cups

S1 - coffee, half and half

L - 2 chicken burrito tray from trader joes

S2 - 4 chocolate squares, for morale

D - spinach and blue cheese salad from Trader Joes

S3 - Costco sandwich rounds, 7 fake chicken nuggets, apple juice


Got up early to go into the office. traffic was terrible due to freeway exit closure. took me 2.5 hours to go 8 miles. totally scattered. borrowing an empty office so I can get work done.

Lots of work drama today. Hope everything is going to be OK. Having a weird day. People are suddenly realizing that a bunch of projects I proposed need to happen to save on costs at work. So now I need to get a bunch of stuff done yesterday. At the same time, the company might not be around after this week. Or maybe it will go another 3 months.Or maybe it will be wildly successful. Ah, startups. I will be so frustrated if just as I am starting to get it all together and get the hang of it... the company closes. UGH!

Dinner was disappointing. Went to Costco for gas and was too spacey to drive or think so I went into get some sndwich pinwheels. Cheap, and good for the hike tomorrow, but not really a satifying dinner. Woke up with a headache today that kept me in bed an hour and now it is back.

Friend E flaked on camping next weekend. That was the one I needed the stuff for the primitive campsite... Guess I get to return the cooler and water barrel.  Turns out I can't get all my gear to fit in the back with them in it... so I needed to return them anyway for something smaller.

Picked up a coffee press and a cup at Starbucks today for my mom for mother's day... EEEK!  I don't know how but I spent $90. Many happy returns I guess. 

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/04/2016:
that traffic sounds crazy...sorry to hear! your food though - sounds tasty!

happy-1 on 05/05/2016:
Yours does too! Feel better!


grannyannie on 05/05/2016:
Sounds frustrating! I can't have any chocolate in the house or I eat it!

happy-1 on 05/05/2016:
Dark chocolate is good for your cholesterol and a bunch of other things.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/06/2016:
I am beginning to feel much better this AM thank you!!



happy-1 - Tuesday May 03, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

B - 2 eggs, olive oil, 2 slices of fancy white bread, margerine, stevia lemonade

S1 - Skipped, upset tummy. 1 chocolate kiss

L - Butternut squash risotto

S2 - Vitamin water. Trader Joe's italian wrap pre-hike. Really good! Maybe grilled next time.

D - The majority of a bag of snap peas post hike. I was going for the bulky munch and carbs post hike as a satisfying alternative to face down in something. Actually skipped the bag of chocolate chip cookies in the car.

S3 - Macaroni and cheese with broccoli, fake chicken nuggets, more water.


Back at work today.  It was a rough start this morning!!! Almost called in sick again because I just felt emotionally overwhelmed and unprepared for my workday.

Still doing the Griffith Park night hike tonight. Just doing level 1 though no extra hills or a pack. Just a bottle of water and bug spray. I brought a fancy flashlight for my coworker with poor night vision. Super excited that one of the project managers here is coming on the night hike... We'll be three intrepid souls!

Getting ready for my next camping trip is daunting.  This one is a primitive campsite that you have to bring your own water for (no natural sources) and is in bear country, which means I might need to buy a bear barrel and a water jug/hauler and bring in your own wood... No buying from the camp host. Plus the guy wants us all to do a potluck with spaghetti dinner.

Dad is getting off track on his weight loss plan. Mom read an article about how the Biggest Loser contestants gain weight back and is going off track. http://www.people.com/article/biggest-loser-contestants-regain-weight


Went on the hike. I did level 1, they did level 3. It was awesome. Overwhelm might have been dehydration. As soon as I drank a bunch of water I felt better.

After the hike I went to Walmart and picked up a 4 day ice chest that I will return if it isn't really 4 days and a water barrel.  The ice chest is enormous. It is big enough for me and my dog's food and a camp kitchen, it rolls and it can have firewood lashed to it if I have to go a ways to a primitive campsite.

To sleep and up early to get work done.

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/03/2016:
i don't think i could ever do camping...too much off diet and too many things out of the ordinary for me to be comfortable with!?

happy-1 on 05/03/2016:
I like it because it seems to reset my body to go to bed on time, lowers my anxiety levels, and makes me feel less hungry. A cabin or RV weekend doesn't seem to do the same thing for me. You can still follow a whole 30 diet on a camping trip if you meal prep. I don't really have that option because I don't have sufficient refrigeration or kitchen setup to do that kind of work.

happy-1 on 05/03/2016:
And FYI... the food poisioning probably came from Carl's jr on the way home, not the trip itself.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/04/2016:
Vitamin waters are tasty :) I used to drink them all the time, but sick of them now! I drank them too much!

I love snap pea chips! they are very tasty!

happy-1 on 05/04/2016:
Yum! Still fried though. Eat fresh ones!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/04/2016:
good ideas, happy!...i can see how traveling can also help you stay on track, regarding the camping - i know it could be good to get out of the house at least!



happy-1 - Monday May 02, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

B - raisin bran and rice milk, a poor life choice I regretted immediately.

S1 - 3ish Late afternoon... two pieces of cheese and some crackers, sunny d juice. Doing a little better. Craving gingerale.

L - Waiting an hour, but will have a lean cuisine chicken parm meal if the cheese and crackers stay put.

S2 - skipped

D -  3 meatballs and parmesan

S3 - a couple of chocolate chip cookies.


Called in sick today. Seems horribly wrong that I have food poisoning but didn't lose any weight.

Made a bunch of meatballs and sauce up because I had some pork sausage leftover from the camping trip to go up up to T's family. They were really good but a little salty. I think that might mellow overnight.

 

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/03/2016:
awww, feel better! I have had several stomach viruses in the past and they are the WORST!



happy-1 - Sunday May 01, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

There is no shower like the one you take when you get home from camping.

Lost 1 lb this week but did not break the plateau. Somehow gained 3lbs back overnight even though I ate normal and did a lot of walking.

Really need a new cooler. The ice didn't even last 20 hours.

Super cute guy I invited campng turned out to be ultra ultra religous. 

I think I have food poisoning.

--

B - steak and eggs, 2 sunny d juices

S1 - 2 mini cranberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

L - 2 slices squaw bread, 2 poached eggs, tomato slices, iced coffee

S2 - lean cuisine pasta meal, 3 chicken strips

D - Skipping

S3 - Skipping... Coconut water, 2x

Just called in sick to work tomorrow. Pretty sure I have food poisoning.

A new cooler is sounding less expensive every hour.

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 05/02/2016:
Food poisoning? Oh no!

happy-1 on 05/02/2016:
Yeah... Not sure how. I'm the only one with it. I think it might have been the chicken sandwich my dog turned her nose up at or the squaw bread and poached eggs.


innerpeace on 05/02/2016:
Hope you feel better. i tried coconut water this weekend, not my favorite. Will stick to flavored taa.

happy-1 on 05/02/2016:
I didn't like it the first time I had it either, but it is great when you are sick. It makes you feel better.


puddles on 05/02/2016:
Sorry your feeling a little under the weather.

happy-1 on 05/02/2016:
Aw thank you! The camping trip was awesome though! It feels great to be outside!



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 30, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 250.8

Left for camping trip. Had a really hard time getting packed and putting everything together. I was a mess. Took forever to pack and unpack. And then repack. So tired of packing and unpacking my car ALL the time.

Ex didn't check in after 3 days so I called the harbormaster... I felt like the crazy ex calling, but I just had this flash that I might be the only person who knew that he was still taking his boat out alone Thursday when the advisory was to stay in and his kid might not think to check on him, and nobody at work would miss him till Monday. Apparently he had a distress call due to choppy seas/strong currents/not enough gas. He's ok now though. He had just pulled in an hour or two before I called the harbormaster.

I know that what I feel for him isn't what he feels for me and I should move on since he doesn't want more kids anymore and deep down I want a happy little family. I'm weirdly angry at him for making me worry about him and not have anyone to call and see if he is OK. Having him not check in was the most awful feeling.  A cold snake coiled around my gut squeezing tight. Piled on top of work drama... Oh what a recipe for a sleepless night.

A smelly dog sharing my tent fighting me for my sleeping pad didn't help either! My dog definitely does not like the idea of camping... Or being cold. At 102, I guess I cannot blame her.

----

B - Sausage muffin

S1 - Del taco combo meal

L - 1/2 a Carls Jr combo meal that I shared with my dog.

S2 - A handful of potato chps

D - Spaghetti potluck dinner

S3 - Rice milk and sweetner

Progress as of today: 57.2 lbs lost so far, only 70.8 lbs to go!


happy-1 - Friday Apr 29, 2016
(Just staying out of restaurants for 90 days)
Weight: 251.8

B - Healthy breakfast burrito

S1 - Coffee. Half and half. 1 strip of bacon.

L - Turkey chili, brown rice, 2 pieces of cheese, 2 small guacamole packets, vitamin water

S2 - 7 fake chicken nuggets, bbq sauce, raisin bran, milk

D - 2 chicken legs and part of a breast, apple juice

S3 - 2 slices of fancy white bread from Costco with margerine. Water.


Was super sore this morning... Super tired... and it showed... was walking around at work this morning and had problems standing up fast. People were like... "What's wrong?" I'm like "I went hiking with the Sierra Club and the old people beat me."  I very nearly called in sick this morning. But I got out of bed and went anyway. Need to sleep more before I can drive to the campsite though. Going tomorrow morning. Driving tired is a recipe for trouble. Mom offered to go to Costco for me, but I will go Monday when my paycheck clears. I'm looking forward to next week. Trying to get more coworkers to join me for the Griffith park night hikes.

Looking forward to weighing myself in the morning. I feel lighter/skinnier. Like maybe I broke my 250lb plateau and I will magically be below it... despite how much I ate this week!

... and maybe magically my ex will fall madly in love with me and straighten out and treat me better.

Yeah, right. Good thing he didn't answer his phone today. Why are Friday nights so lonely?

...

Another day of packing and unpacking the car ritual. All ready to go for my doggie tomorrow. I still need to pack my pack and some dog food for camping in the morning. I got multiple calls from the campers that are already there to bring more beer. They must be having fun. I think I am going to have like a $200 liqour bill in the morning from all the requests.

...

So my mom went to Costco and I asked her to bring back some cookies I could take to the camping potluck tomorrow... and her medical weightloss diet must be getting to her because she brought back this ENORMOUS $16 tray of cookies from Costco that would have fed 50 people at a church gathering. I immediately made her give me a lift back to Costco (too crampy to drive) to return it... They didn't want to let me because they had closed the membership registers.. but I made them take it back.  No way can I have an enormous tray of cookies around my dad... he would have gone straight through them and blown his weightloss plan.... and I and my mom would have followed.  A small box I could stick in my car of something that wasn't too tempting, sure... but an enormous tray of different kinds of chocolate cookies? OMG. 

Progress as of today: 56.2 lbs lost so far, only 71.8 lbs to go!

feardfear on 04/30/2016:
Hey Happy. It's great you're going to your hikes. I love hiking as well.

let us know if you broke your plateau!! good luck!

happy-1 on 04/30/2016:
The Sierra Club conditioning hikes are great because the peer pressure to keep the pack together and keep up really gets you moving and everyone is social and likes other people so there are people to talk to get your mind off how you are going to die and fall over at any minute and before you know it you are all done and back at the bottom of the mountain again.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/30/2016:
good choice to return the cookies :)

I hope you are also feeling better now after a week from the last hike!

Night hikes sound awesome!

happy-1 on 05/01/2016:
Thank you!!! I felt so tacky... But I had to do it.



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