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InnerPeace 10:49A
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view happy-1 bio page
happy-1 - Tuesday Jul 03, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

One foot in front of the other. Have a ton of recruiter emails but they are all indian recruiters. Unlikely job placement or decent rates. 

Spent morning on OT time tracking.  I'm probably spending too much time on it, but I need to budget my time also... so as I am entering what I do all day, I am also revising my plan for the week as I do it... This means a lot of time tweaking a spreadsheet.  Sigh.  But basically I have the day represented as hours starting at 5:30 AM, then I have the plan for each time slot, like a calendar. Then if I did it, I mark it green. If I didn't and I did something else, I mark it red and put in what I did instead. This way at least, I am tracking why I wasn't on task and what I did instead (which I can't do in a calendar).

Who knows if this will make me more productive. So far I figured out that

  • I am not taking my meds on time if I didn't have them next to my bed in the right amounts ahead of time... which throws off how my body reacts...
  • I need interim alarms prompting me to start and end things on schedule.. like making food and clearing dishes, not just sitting down to eat.
  • Trying to do a yoga class at 10am is really awkward and if I am late and miss it, it messes up my whole day because I feel like I failed. I'd do better to do one first thing in the AM then walk my dog... or last thing before bed at night.

Discovered last night that the poor dog that keeps whining is a small white fancy ****zu that our neighbors mom dumped on them. they are tying it up outside with no shade or water.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/03/2018:
Do you have one of those Meds containers that you throw your pills in for the week? They have a compartment for the 7 days of the week...a great way to organize pills/vitmains. I use one to make sure i take things everyday. Maybe keep it filled and next to your bed.

It must be scorching hot for the poor doggie!


bearcountrygg on 07/03/2018:
Timers....I think timers are the answer

happy-1 on 07/03/2018:
Yeah, but I forget what they are for. Or to use them. I'll see if the prompts to move to the next activity help. The thing is sense of time passing... I never realize how much time i spend cleaning and the place never gets cleaner, lol.

happy-1 on 07/03/2018:
And also to try to take advantage of natural drift towards diff tasks. And take real breaks.


Donkey on 07/04/2018:
^ Forgetting is my problem. Even the best intentions are no good if one forgets. *sigh*


bearcountrygg on 07/04/2018:
Post it notes, a daily reminder covering all hours and half hours.....My youngest son had a closed head injury from a motorcycle accident.....and he has short term memory loss....he uses all of the tricks....it all helps.

happy-1 on 07/06/2018:
He sounds like he got more than one page out of your book! How resilient! Adhd just means you're not nuerotypical and I'm in a situation that makes everything harder so I am down for all the tricks.



happy-1 - Monday Jul 02, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

224.9... no weight loss for me this week. Glad I have my new baking scale. I can start recording calories by weight as I consume them.

Breakfast this morning was a delicious protein chocolate chip cookie and iced coffee with 2% instead of half n half. Sure tastes like a real one to me!

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/02/2018:
me, you and donkey all have food scales. i haven't really used it as planned bc i guess i am able to eyeball calories a lot...but i think my scale could be useful perhaps to make baked goods products and things i cannot eyeball.

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
Yeah, you are in maintenance so I bet you are good at that now... but I am having a hard time getting the scale to budge. Tracking calories is helping but not sure what I am actually eating, lol.


horn_of_plenty on 07/02/2018:
food scale should be GREAT for you - yes - to even measure a portion of rice! or oatmeal! OR ANYTHING. very good with the meats too.

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
And cheeses / butters!


horn_of_plenty on 07/02/2018:
EXCELLENT TO MEASURE CHEESE! I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT...! I COULD USE IT FOR INDIAN PANEER


bearcountrygg on 07/02/2018:
I use my food scale occasionally.....it does come in handy.

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
I measured my dark chocolate peanuts and then ate 4 servings. So now I know how many grams I had... almost a day of calories. I threw the rest out and feel guilty but it had to be done.

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
I measured my dark chocolate peanuts and then ate 4 servings. So now I know how many grams I had... almost a day of calories. I threw the rest out and feel guilty but it had to be done.

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
I measured my dark chocolate peanuts and then ate 4 servings. So now I know how many grams I had... almost a day of calories. I threw the rest out and feel guilty but it had to be done.


Horn_of_plenty on 07/02/2018:
i find that 2% tastes pretty darn good in coffee...and i use stevia. (or equal if i'm buying it out and they don't have stevia). so good !


bearcountrygg on 07/03/2018:
It is kind of shocking sometimes...to see what we take for granted and find that it is outrageously fattening.



happy-1 - Sunday Jul 01, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

Went to Shakespeare By the Sea last night with a camping friend who lives near me. I had so much fun! I spurged on tasty treats at Trader Joe's and wore a pretty dress and we had lots of fun and laughed so much!

Today I gave myself off completely from tracking or doing anything or going anywhere. I made 3 meals for my parents... breakfast which was egg omlettes with cheese, dinner which was breaded porkchops, and dessert which was chocolate chip cookies... except my dad didn't like them and it caused a big fight and a lot of ill feeling all around. I made them with vanilla protein powder, almond flour, irish butter, coconut oil, eggs, water, cinnamon, baking soda, oats, walnuts, and dark chocolate chips. I thought they were really good... but just didn't understand why he wouldn't accept anything close to something he liked. They weren't sweet enough, he doesn't like oatmeal, and he hated the coconut flavor. So frustrating. My mom got really mad at him though.

Sigh.

I'll go back to looking at picnic baskets on pinterest

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/02/2018:
Sounds like your outing was a lot of fun!! It's too bad your Dad didn't like your dessert....change is hard for so many people......but...he has choices...he can choose not to eat them...the interesting thing will be to see if he decides to eat any more of them...that will tell you a lot.....and could be quite interesting..

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
Yeah he took a bite of one and then wrapped it and his other one up in a napkin... hiding his terrible cookie that wouldn't screw with his diabetes...


horn_of_plenty on 07/02/2018:
haha...we have Shakespeare in the Park!

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
Do you go? It was fun! I am totally obsessed with putting together a picnic basket, lol. I don't see anything online I like. All the baskets have handle attachments at the top and no support on the bottom. The backpack cooler sets have hard plastic and melamine plates so you can't put them on a grill to keep warm... And they don't have any outside webbing so you can't attach chairs or a table to have it all in 1. I'll have to diy to be happy with it.



happy-1 - Friday Jun 29, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

One foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out.

  • Overwhelmed because I overslept and got up at 7 instead of 5:30. Because I stayed up late working on the OT worksheet and doing dishes and failing to do homework. 
  • Stressed because I got zero of anything I really needed to do done this week... and using the OT tracking sheet I can see how far off I was and feel "dumb".
  • Sad because I am still down a friend. Responded to her screwy email today in a calmer. less emotional state. Was careful to use "I feel" statements... over her liberal abusive ones.
  • Lonely because I'd like to have a closer relationship with my extended family.
  • Aggravated because I did too much emotional and tired eating yesterday and had trail mix, a dark chocolate bar, and 1/3 of a frozen pizza... not enough broccoli or veg.
  • Frustrated because Rise is having a service issue and I can't use it... and it isn't cheap.

To regroup... 

  • I walked my dog for a shorter walk than planned, but I still went for the walk.
  • I will eat breakfast now, because it is 9:10AM and I want to get back to eating on time.
  • I will still go to yoga, because it will release my stress and I need the physical activity to stay healthy.
  • I will look for a coffee spot near the studio to do homework.
  • I will be on time for class tonight.
  • I will go to bed as soon as I get home tonight and get up as close to on time as I can tomorrow.

---

Got an email back from my friend who sent the screwy email(s) (including **** yous and vicious statements). Apparently I'm totally right, she wants to be friends, and she added me back to her camping trip... Bat **** crazy... 

At least the tension in my neck released and unpinched a nerve. I didn't even realize I was in pain until my bones slid back into place with a pop after I got her email. The human body is terrifying.

Now doing homework. Better than not at al.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/30/2018:
I'm so glad that your day got better - at least it seems that way. I'm glad that your camping friend came to her senses (sort of?).

I'm glad you're working on homework. Every little bit helps! Keep trying! (It's been a rough week, hasn't it?)

happy-1 on 07/02/2018:
Yeah, but more rough because I am time tracking for the OT and it is depressing because I see how far off plan I am. Incremental progress is key to achieving the changes I need to make. At least that stupid class is over and I just have to close out with the school tomorrow.


bearcountrygg on 06/30/2018:
Boy...it sounds like that gals emails get get of hand very easily…….she must not thinks things through before writing them.....

happy-1 on 06/30/2018:
She's gotta be 80. Goes with the territory.



happy-1 - Thursday Jun 28, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

225.7

Went to hot yoga last night. OMG. How is that fun? Half dead today. 

Got a screwy email from my friend which I am ignoring. Life goes on.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Tracking time for OT shows that I am getting nothing done because I am cleaning up the hoard every day. 

I just keep trying.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 06/29/2018:
I did bikram hot yoga for around a year. i was working as a teacher and could fit it in my schedule. that no longer is the case. the class was 1.5hours and it took a half hour to prep / bike ride over to it...and another half hour to get home. it was so time consuming...but good if your schedule is more free.

i used to love it - especially in the freezing Winter...it was so cool to go in there and get all warm and toasty.

what about the screwy email?

stay positive...you are doing well...hitting new lows in your weight and all! stay focussed!



happy-1 - Wednesday Jun 27, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

Really glad to have DD this morning. Logging in to read other people's struggles makes me feel less blue. Today I need to crack on homework but I just want to stay in bed with my best friend my dog. Between my camping friend and not saying the right thing to a dude off okcupid... UGH. 1 step forward (weight loss and OT), 10 steps back. I just want to stay in bed all day.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/27/2018:
I'm so sorry (((hugs))). Try to get up and do something for yourself.... and a little homework.

I didn't comment yesterday, but congratulations on your new shoes! Nothing like the joy of a new pair of shoes :-D


horn_of_plenty on 06/28/2018:
we all have some struggles yes!!!!!!! i doubt you are truly so set back...keep your head up!


innerpeace on 06/29/2018:
Is this homework for a class you are taking or for real home work like house work - cleaning - and stuff?

I hope everything gets better for you.



happy-1 - Tuesday Jun 26, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

New camp shoes came today!  They fit perfectly and are super flattering. I am pleased that they are dusty pink not baby pink... I think they will wear better. I was so inspired, I posted my first dog-friendly brewery meetup for the dog meetup that made me an organizer. I did a recurring brewery meetup for the last thursday of the month starting in July and a camping trip for the first weekend of October. Let's see how it goes, right?

OT yesterday was interesting. We're going to start with time management. I'm supposed to start with tracking my time... where it goes. They gave me a worksheet with the times of day down the left and the days across the top. Not sure what that is supposed to do for me... but sure. Why not.

---

Pissed off a camping friend and she has decided to kick me out of the group because the trip was to a campground she also organizes trips to. I also used a liability statement that was public domain that she also uses. I took it down as soon as she said something... If I had thought she would be infringed upon I wouldn't have done it in the first place. I replied that it seemed like an extreme reaction to a mistake I corrected and aplogized for, I wouldn't have done it if I thought I was doing something wrong, and it was a mistake... I thought we had talked it through... and I hoped we could talk about it. I think she may have forgotten we talked about it because she is at least 70.

I'll be sad to not talk to her anymore. I feel very tired.

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/26/2018:
Hugs...

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Ty. Feels bad to screw things up day after day.


horn_of_plenty on 06/27/2018:
try to just make up with her...communicate with her and move forward. sounds like you'd miss her as a friend :) i try now to move past fights with people i have some cares about!

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Yeah. She sent me a pretty abusive email. I tried calling but she didn't pick up. She did this to another friend in December. She doesn't unring that "you are dead to me" bell. I figured he had actually done something but maybe not.



happy-1 - Monday Jun 25, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 223.5

BREAKING NEWS!!! I BROKE MY PLATEAU! 223.5

--

Had a busy day yesterday and got home late and to bed late but still managed to get up at 6:30. Everything hurts though especially my neck. Maybe the Occupational Therapist appointment will help with that. I am kind of dreading it. What if they tell me I'm having such a hard time because I am permanently retarded? But a therapist, shrink, and meds have been helpful but not enough to pull myself together. I have to get 23 wheels to spin at once to get back on track and I can only make 1 or 2 spin at a time. The nutritionist's diet changes are helping me get to bed on time and up on time and eating better... but it isn't really enough.

--

Yesterday was a good rare social day though. Got up at 5:30, walked my dog to the park and drank coffee, then I rode my bike to church for a beautiful service. Went home, cleaned up and then went to brunch to see camping friends. On my way home I stopped off at a friends to help with her flooring project. I need to go back next weekend with my jigsaw and dremmel to help her finish.

Yesterday at brunch one of my camping friends told me I look good... really good... multiple times. He's in his 70's and married but still really hot like Robert Redford... so I'll take the compliment in the highest regard... and run around in my yoga pants and top more often?????

Progress as of today: 93.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/25/2018:
YEAHHHHHH.….Broke through that barrier...GOOD WORK!!!

happy-1 on 06/25/2018:
It looks like I've lost 10.5 lbs since December? It feels like less... like nothing is coming off and I'm trapped in a too-hot, too-big movie magic fat suit... But this small piece of progress is really encouraging and shows that I can make progress if I put in the effort. The nutritionist has definitely helped me focus and make that progress.


bearcountrygg on 06/25/2018:
Then he nutritionist is the one to be working with...whatever makes you want to do the work!!!!


horn_of_plenty on 06/26/2018:
congrats, you've been doing so well and it seems you found some ways to now break lower past the plateau. things do have to be changed to break thru any sustained plateau, so, excellent job to you!

you'be been waking up nicely the past few days.

that's a nice compliment, i guess he notices your overall weightloss.



happy-1 - Sunday Jun 24, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

It's a miracle. Up at 5:30 am again. Yay me! Walking my dog to the park, coffee in habd.

225.1... my scale is laughing at me.

Was at costco yesterday and theyhad porkchops for $1.89, so I picked up 2 flats and broke them down into meal sized packs with my vacum sealer. The ones from costco, breaded are my dad's absolute favorite and friday night with the turkey in red sauce with spaghetti squash was such a debacle... I just felt terrible. He really enjoyed his porkchop though. It's super hot here so I did them up in the convection toaster and they turned out amazing! Crisp breading and juicy inside.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/24/2018:
It's going to be hot, hot, HOT here soon too -- gotta find alternative methods of meal preparation. I usually fall back on my crockpot (because that's all I have, LOL). We have a convection toaster thingy at work and it's just delightful! Of course, I'm not sure it's a good thing to have the office smelling like taquitos, but I suppose it could be worse ;-)

happy-1 on 06/25/2018:
I feel you. I dunno what I would do if I only had a slow cooker... I'd probably set the house on fire. One of the best things about my toaster oven is the timer that auto turns it on so if I am tired or distracted I can't accidentally leave it on.


Donkey on 06/24/2018:
And good for you for getting up early -- seize the day, don't sleep it away (mostly meant for myself, LOL).

happy-1 on 06/27/2018:
Lol... right? Life is passing us by as we want one more hit of the snooze button.


bearcountrygg on 06/24/2018:
Getting up early gives us so many more hours in the day!!!!


horn_of_plenty on 06/25/2018:
Hiiii Happy!

It’s not a miracle that you are up! You did this on your own haha it’s not a superhuman doing it for you!! The scale won today!?

$1.89 is def a cheap price for any meat (pork lol). Such a good plan with the vacuum sealer…I am so glad I bought hamburger meat this weekend…it tastes so good!

My mom used to make – I always forget – breaded either lamb or pork chops…they were always chewy and TERRIBLE. Both my sister and I despised that meal whenever she made it and we were in Elementary school. I am QUITE positive yours was wayyy better ;)

My sister and I always had trouble chewing the meat and ..oh it could have been VEAL chops that were chewy…we always had trouble chewing meats my mom cooked. They were prob always very well done.



happy-1 - Saturday Jun 23, 2018
(I can do all things through C, 80% or better daily)
Weight: 224.3

Up on time at 6 after going to bed at midnight thanks to help from my dad. I am showered, haired and makeuped and at school to do homework in the hall before class. I have a packed cooler and caught myself veering away from getting here early to get take out breakfast as a form of procrastination.

Bracing for myself for the nightmare that is this school and the people running it.

Progress as of today: 92.7 lbs lost so far, only 18.3 lbs to go!

Donkey on 06/23/2018:
Good luck at class!!!!!


bearcountrygg on 06/23/2018:
Have a good one.


graindart on 06/23/2018:
I don't envy anyone taking classes anymore. My only class time stuff is yearly continuing education stuff and I have a hard time just sitting still for those couple days per year. My attention span is fairly small nowadays. I rarely even like watching movies because I lose interest around the 45 minute mark.

happy-1 on 06/23/2018:
I actually love classes. I like feeling my brain actually working. If I had a million dollars I'd go take math classes around the world and tutor for free.


Donkey on 06/24/2018:
I was about your age when I went back to school to reinvent myself (after hitting rock bottom). I loved being in class, but I have to admit that the summer sessions were really rough -- cramming a 16 week course into an online 8 week timeframe. Had to stay on top - or a little ahead, even - of the syllabus. Have 2 school-aged kids to tend to made it a little more challenging, too.

Like Gains, I too find myself lacking attention, which is why movies don't do much for me any more. I have a hard enough time getting through a Reader's Digest. I am seldom able to finish books (non-fiction; although I admit that could be due to the subject matter I've chosen). Still, I think it would be wonderful to take a algebra class or something and start building up my math skills again - just for the heck of it!



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