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happy-1 - Saturday Apr 21, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

226.9 progress in the right direction. I missed my workout yesterday and had half a box of mac n cheese at 10pm to encourage carb coma. Dog had the other half. I'll try oatmeal tonight to see if it does the same thing but with fiber, complex carbs, and less junk. Plus I try to save stuff that has a good shelf life for the zombie apocalypse and my dog has started refusing dinner to hold out for delicious mac n cheese and she shouldn't be eating that crap either.

Feeling more human today. Woke up at 7:30, but vyvanse knocked me out again. I had coffee ready but fell asleep next to it as soon as it hit my bloodstream. I was like ah! There's my brain! Zonk! Snore.

Class orientation today at 2. I think they sent me the wrong version of the textbook because it doesn't match the syllabus.

Parents went grocery shopping. I can't go shopping till they go and I see how much room is left in the freezer. Plus I leave wed to go dog sit and anything I have in the fridge freezer needs to go into my cooler. Leaving them with an empty fridge and then trying to use less space in it when I get back. Make them happy.

I'm hoping my friend's freezer will be empty and I can freeze gallon jugs of water for my cooler. Seriously tempted by the huge 7-day bear-resistant coolers I saw at walmart in tan for $139... my cooler is 5 day and not at all bear-resistant. I just pack extra food in my bear barrels in case I get raided. I guess I need to get on track with my diet and fitness and be 100% this week and next so I "earn" a $200 splurge on a cooler, camp pillows and a gerber folding shovel/pick.

Went back on JustOKcupid. Too lonely. I think the very thought of hanging out with my ex subconsciously made me too tired to do anything because I don't really want to hang out with him but I don't want to say that because I don't have enough friends to hang out with. And also because I actually don't feel so awesome but not as bad as my brain is telling me I feel... I think that since everytme I have seen him the follow up has been off... he tells me he doesn't want a relationship or he didn't send me a Valentine's Day card till March 7... and each time it gave me a "churn period" where I had to psych myself back to being happy and productive again... my lizard brain equates that to a dinosaur that wants to eat me and triggers the fight/flight response. So it's like when something really terrible happens and you have stress/adrenal fatigue. Like tomorrow he goes back to work and can't drive up to see me so I feel "safe" and can come out of hibernation... so I feel better but it's like I've been through a mugging, house fire, etc. and am really tired.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 04/21/2018:
I hope your orientation went well today. I'm very excited for you!

Some relationships can just be too draining. I had an ex-boyfriend that didn't work out because the relationship had too much drama. Couldn't even be "just friends". The problem was that we needed different things from each other, and neither one could deliver. Had to say good-bye to a nice, funny, brilliant man :-(

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
Aw, right? Like two puzzle pieces that are both sky but don't fit

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
And yeah, the orientation was ok. The instructor was really making a big deal out of my experience... I said after... look... I've been doing elder care for 3 years. I'm not the hot shot I used to be. I just need employment. Any employment.


bearcountrygg on 04/21/2018:
Sometimes the text books are just a formality...I once had a college class where we never een opened the book...big ol waste of money that was....but it was a good class in the end because it was ALL question and answer.

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
It is a bunch of posts from around the web in a word doc. It's a bunch of tech guys who have incomprehensible documentation for their projects and have tried to make courseware out of it. I've got it as a word doc and am just going to rework it as I go to make sense out of it. The important thing is that the concepts are on the right track and they do job plalacement.


Maria7 on 04/22/2018:
Thank you for what you wrote to my entry, and I hope you have a good day.


Horn_of_plenty on 04/22/2018:
job placement is the best thing...it really helps what i am worst at which is finding / getting a job on my own...still working on that / working out is what i'm doing now!



happy-1 - Friday Apr 20, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

228.2... Holding steady depite missed workouts, not enough sleep, feeling awful, and a couple of boxes of mac n cheese to get me to sleep for "carb coma". I'll count that as a win.

Got my haircut today!!! Hurray! I can see through my bangs. I did a bit of a walk around the mall but the only things I bought were a pair of stud earrings (so I can re-pierce my ears at home) and a set of lidded trays to organize my am/pm routines. Together, that was my $30 I have "earned" in splurges on my challenge over the last 2 weeks. I am particularly excited about the trays because it takes me forever to do every little thing and maybe this way I will do all the little health habits I am trying to build. Just work my way from left to right.

Came home feeling like I ran a marathon and everything hurts. Parents were out at hometown buffet and I had some delicious quiet for a couple of hours. Mom wanted to watch tv with me but I have 3 chapters to read tonight for class tomorrow at 2... I asked if I could have the space for a little bit since I don't feel well enough to go out to Starbucks right now. She graciously agreed.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/21/2018:
You are learning a lot about yourself and your parents...WONDERFUL!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
Trying. My outlook on life is so much better with better hair, that's for sure.


Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2018:
good for you on being back at school :) i applaud you on that!!!!

keep up the good work, happy!

happy-1 on 04/21/2018:
One day at a time



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 19, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Up at 7:30 but couldn't get coffee right away because my dad was in the kitchen and my vyvanse knocked me straight out when it hit. So actually up at 10. So weird that amphetamines make me fall asleep. Maybe I should take them at bedtime instead. Had the worst insomnia last night and only ended it with mac n cheese. Carb coma.

So much to do when I open my eyes in the AM. At least the rats don't seem to be partying in the third bedroom... no poop on the floor. Probably because there's no food available there. Nobody eats in there.

No bodies in any of the traps I put out, but I swear I hear squeaks.

I was like a dead fish at the track yesterday and just walked it for 35 min.

Today I will go see a movie. I don't feel so good.

----

Had to pass on seeing my ex today/tomorrow. I finally hung that grate on my screen door to keep flies out and it wore me out. Then I dyed my hair and finished my energy off. I can't even pull together what it would take to do my nails, shave, hair, makeup, dress... and try to be out and girly and fun. All I really want is to hole up in a hotel room away from my parents house and the rat war... by myself for a week and decompress. Dog sitting starts the 25 and can't come soon enough.

---

Decided that it is unacceptable that I cannot pull my **** together to go on a date with my ex and decided to take tonight to streamline. Have shaved my legs, put away anything that doesn't feel great to wear, packed all the food I have in the fridge/freezer into ready to go meals, and will do my nails before bed. Discovered that not counting sweats or gym clothes, I have 3 pairs of pants, 5 shirts, 1 skirt, 2 jackets, and 2 dresses total... but that's fine... all major life activities are actually covered... and it's almost a capsule wardrobe.

Hairdresser is squeezing me in tomorrow morning for a trim, and with any luck I can get my ears re-pierced tomorrow at the mall. It's been so long since I've bothered with earrings, they closed up.

Dug out my eye cream, skin cream, and tooth whitening trays. 30 days of regular usage should give me quite the after photo for this challenge cycle. July 1 my dental coverage kicks in and I might get some bonding done. I've wanted Invisalign forever... I wonder what that would cost.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
the point is you went to the track.

i've been trying to get into running, but still struggle to get up and out there 1x during the workweek...will try again, tomorrow after work!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Lol... and you work out more than anyone here except for "Cougar Mom" Donkey


horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
at all our libraries, there's endless movies to rent...i have one at home and will try to watch it this weekend or tomorrow night!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Yeah! There's something weird with how my play station plays movies on my smart tv. Really hard to see anything. Plus it's nice to be out of the house.


bearcountrygg on 04/19/2018:
Walking for 35 minutes is a good thing!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Baby steps.


Maria7 on 04/19/2018:
Try to get some rest.

happy-1 on 04/19/2018:
Hugs. Ty. Just chilling at home tonight cleaning out the fridge and making up meals for the weekend. I will carry your positive joy in my being.


horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2018:
yes, Donkey is awesome with her fitness.


Donkey on 04/20/2018:
LOL!!! You know I had to comment. "Cougar Mom Donkey" - hahaha! :-)

You did SO well today, Happy! I know you said you were a dead fish, but you actually managed to pull yourself out of that and get quite a bit done for yourself. That in itself is quite an accomplishment! It's very important to take care of yourself. AND you went to the track on top of everything!



happy-1 - Wednesday Apr 18, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Slept forever last night and today after several days of no sleep. My teeth feel a lot better after yesterday's dental visit. I can't believe all that inflammation was from a little extra dental cement. Hurt like hell. PMS is also over and I am human again, not Hellspawn. That weird feeling in my kidney area is also gone so I think I can go for a run tonight.

12pm and I am taking a small break to reboot... Hiding in my "fort" of plastic boxes. I mouse cleeaned my dad's room yesterday and did his laundry, went to put it away and discovered his drawers hadn't been kept closed and were chock full of mouse poop and shredded paper. He got mad at me for making him feel bad... super productive... so I have retreated to my fort. It wasn't a fort on purpose... just was being funny and built my dog a hiding spot... but my dog is smarter than me and knows if she can't be seen she won't get yelled at so I have joined her in here. I don't want to get back up and face the day but face it I must.

One bright spot though... My scholarship was approved and I start QA classes on Saturday.

All work and no play makes Happy-1 not so happy, so I'm going to reset On my challenge and strive for balance. Tonight is a track workout about 3.6 miles south of me. I feel like if I show up there early and do some push-ups etc. then do the track workout (and tell the coach I was down with dental work) I will be in good shape to do the running. I might even deserve fish tacos on the way home. No... I might deserve... I don't know what but something on plan on the way home. Maybe a burrito salad at my favorite burrito place. I missed D

Tomorrow is cheap movie day at the theater all the way south of me and Sierra club conditioning hike night. I feel like I deserve a movie, some time outdoors and a laugh. I might need to go back to that cigar bar fri to check out cuban jazz... not sure.

Writing some nice things that happened that might not have made it into my diaries but I will put here so I don't forget...

Last night my mom went to Costco and picked me up an extra deli chicken so that I can feed my picky senior dog because she noticed I forgot I was out of dog food and only had stuff my dog won't eat or was expensive (I know $5 for a deli chicken for a dog but I also make bone broth and marrow buiscuits so the whole chicken gets used and my vet bills are ridiculously low). It made me feel very taken care of when I was low with dental misery.

Molly sent me beautiful shoes for no reason off haute look. It was the perfect gift at an unexpected time and made me feel really appreciated, especially after that Fitbit drama. They are Vince Camuto sandals in tobacco brown with a big chunky heel, and I remember looking at them and wondering if Molly would approve but was on a mission to buy bras... then completely forgot about them. I just love them and I just love having something I can put on and think that Molly is with me in spirit if I have to go do something social that freaks me out. I am also super glad because it feels "healed". I know I need to spread out more and make more friends, but Molly is important and special.

My ex is on vacation this week and wants to see me for something special. He wants to take me to Disneyland on Thursday, his treat. That's a BIG PRICEY DATE that just made my jaw drop. No guy has ever wanted or offered to take me on anything like that before. The biggest I've ever been on was a night at a comedy club in Irvine. There is something about him wanting to do that that makes me feel valued. I am not really up to Disneyland right now with the dental drama and the possibility that my tooth is re-abcessing, so I asked if we could save that for Christmas and just do a picnic at the botanical gardens up by me, then go see a cheap movie on $6 Thursdays... no answer on that one yet.

My camping ladies changed the date of the camping trip to the dates I can make it so that I can actually go. I really feel good about that. It makes me feel like a central, key friend yhat they like having around. I need to come up with something nice to do for them.

UDG had a big reaction to my before/now-midpoint photos that I sent him (showing off but also results get support and support gets results and he's always trying to get me to meet him for junk food). He went off the deep end a bit... then signed up for a gastric sleeve program through the VA. I feel bad that he is considering doing something extreme but he has yards of meah keeping his guts together, a destroyed knee that he'd have been better off if they amputated and gave him a prosthetic, and at risk of a stroke at any minute so maybe that was a wake up call he needed?

I amfull of hugs today, hiding in my fort.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/18/2018:
Sounds like you are learning new ways to deal with things so that you are happier...That's always a positive thing.


Donkey on 04/18/2018:
Congratulations on your scholarship!!! So happy for you!! And new shoes!!! And a movie coming up, camping ladies... there's a lot of positives there, even ifyou had to hide in your fort for a while. (((hugs)))


horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2018:
i agree, how cool you got the scholarship!!!!!!!



happy-1 - Tuesday Apr 17, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Dentist thinks it was a fragment of cement that embedded in my gum that caused the swelling (about the size of a spool of thread). Whatever it was, it's already feeling better. Came straight home to make sure I got a parking spot on the street so that my parents can park in the driveway. So many things to do but it is nice to get an hour at home to myself. DA tonight if I chance moving my car and not finding parking tonight.

Goal Zero is repacing my battery bank that caught fire even though I bought it in 2016!!!! Quality. Makes me want their larger lithium one... you know, after I win the lottery.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 04/17/2018:
Glad your tooth/mouth is feeling better - yikes!

Caught on fire? Oh my! Ugh... Did it stink?

happy-1 on 04/17/2018:
Yeah and scorched the carpet pretty good. I'm a dork for spending money I shouldn't while unemployed but sure glad I bought those fire extinguishers

happy-1 on 04/17/2018:
Yeah and scorched the carpet pretty good. I'm a dork for spending money I shouldn't while unemployed but sure glad I bought those fire extinguishers


bearcountrygg on 04/18/2018:
Parking on the street so that your parents can have the driveway...you are a sweetie.

happy-1 on 04/18/2018:
Hardly a big deal but I do what I can. I did park there for 10 min before I remembered.



happy-1 - Monday Apr 16, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Forgot to weigh in... oops.

Really out of sorts this morning. I got weird calls from a friend I grew up with who had a TBI in college and is at home with her mom permanently. We made plans to get lunch I had to cancel last minute... I was up till 4 with dental pain adjacent to my crown and it hurts enough it's making me stupid. Overslept and by the time I was up, The Circus had started... but I am in too much pain/brain fog today to leave the house... I just can't focus on a single task because of stress this morning and pain and I don't want a ticket or fender bender... Driving is something I only do when I feel ok.

The biggest obstacle to my productivity is still my iphone not working and all my apps not being available. There's so much they do to help me... Hormonal levels, Fitbit for food... Spark for making food and journal posts, audible for books on tape to fall asleep to, spotify for music, waze for directions, i heart radio and Feedly for news... calendar... UGH!!! I just feel like half my brain is missing. The minimum to conquer today is to finish fixing my iPhone. Everything will be easier after that.

---

Progress: Have sorted through my photos on my laptop. Now I just need to double check that no photos on my iphone are missing from my laptop.

Super weird sorting through all these old photos. I've always been so anxious and there are all these old photos of food that I made when I was on an Indian food obsession and determined to learn how to make great indain food. When I look at it now I think OMG... I put so much effort into eating the wrong things and I was making myself sick... I felt tired, cold, clammy, sweaty and weak all the time. But the photos and my old apartment are beautiful! My dog is happy! I had friends!!!!

---

B - overnight oats

2nd breakfast - coffee, 3 creams, meal prep 2nd breakfast with egg cups.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/16/2018:
Hope you start feeling better.

happy-1 on 04/16/2018:
Ty! Being proactive and going down there, not just hoping it goes away on it's own


Donkey on 04/16/2018:
Ouch, sorry to hear about the tooth pain again! I'm glad you didn't take a chance by driving. I understand where you're coming from on that aspect completely.

It sounds like you did get going and had a productive day -- maybe not as much as you would have hoped but hey, any move forward is progress in my book :-)

What you said about putting so much effort into the wrong things -- story of my life.

happy-1 on 04/16/2018:
Right??? Like I want to go back in time and re-parent myself. The food photos are really strange though because they are the polar opposite of what I am eating now. I was in a vegetarian/vegan phase and it was all this bread, rice, puréed beans, dairy, butter, etc. supposed to be so good for you but I made myself so sick.


horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2018:
What is a TBI?

your dog is still happy and you still have friends now :)

stay happy. where'd you used to live? was it close to the house you live in now?

Did you fix your phone? i hope so - that's something that we've all grown dependent on!



happy-1 - Sunday Apr 15, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Turns out overnight oats are probiotic. Who knew?

Woke up on time to make it to services. Did some errands and now I'm watching Fixer Upper while I do mousekeeping... I can't believe people are buying huge houses for under $100k. Augh, I'm in the wrong place.

I should have all my stuff sealed up in plastic and trapped by eod. Then I can start on my parents stuff tomorrow. 16.23 at Costco for 3 plastic boxes is kind of a lot when you realize how little fits in them. And how many you need... augh. Some of this stuff just has to go. Had a crazy hoarder moment with my mom today when ahe was trying to figure out how many plastic boxes were hers and how many were mine and which ones belong to her (none)... I said mom... when I leave this house I will no longer need any of them... You can have them all. And I could see in her eyes a crazy gleam... all the boxes will be mine...

Sigh.

----

Food mostly on track. Super hungry. All I want is a pizza.

---

6 hours later... have eaten plenty. Still starving... all I can think about is how badly I want a whole Jack's pizza all to myself. I can't believe what a difference eating oatmeal with coconut oil in the morning makes. I rarely have evening food cravings anymore... except chicken top ramen... but today I'm so hungry I'd bite my dog if she was topped with cheese and pepperoni.

----

Just found an old diet journal while mouse cleaning from before I started here and yes... my highest recorded weight was 317... before I stopped weighing myself... so it may have been higher. Updated my start weight to reflect that. I'm pretty close to having lost 100 lbs. Crazy.

Progress as of today: 91.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/16/2018:
So coconut oil in overnight oats is a super food eh? I will be trying that over the next couple of weeks. Good job losin almost 100 pounds!


horn_of_plenty on 04/16/2018:
Oats and whole wheat cream of wheat and other whole wheat grains in general will help you poop in general due to the fiber and water content!....

lol, good idea to put some oil in your oats...i have been looking and adding more fat to my diet. It was lacking too much and lately i enjoy higher fat meals! they are much more satisfying.


Maria7 on 04/16/2018:
I didn't know that oats were probiotic. Hope you have a good day.



happy-1 - Saturday Apr 14, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

228.1. Probably PMS water weight because my watchband was so tight overnight I had an imprint this morning. My hands always bloat.

Had my cheat meal last night... After the dentist I brought home Little Cesar's supreme pizza and some hot wings to share with the fam. I really wanted wood-fired pizza but it was pretty late and would have taken longer to find and been more expensive. The pizza was not as delicious as I expected it to be... maybe that's the sneaky trick of a cheat meal? That you're like meh... and you don't crave it anymore? There's a smoking cessation drug commercial on Hulu that features wood-fired pizza and every time I see it, I lose my ****.

Decided to let my body have as much sleep as it wanted after the dentist yesterday because I've been so run down all week and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow which NEVER happens for me. Missed bootcamp today.

Priorities... priorities... I'll hit Costco to get prescriptions and plastic storage boxes to protect my clothes and shoes from the rats and pick up broccoli and spinach. Then Home Depot for rat traps. Fight the good fight. I don't want to use poison, I don't want them dying in the walls. Then a few more errands and hope to get through them without too much wasted effort. Waking up late always makes me feel weird but I know I needed the sleep.

Plan to get back on track is just to eat and go to bed on schedule... just get into the rythym. Dog sitting and camping is coming up and I just need to keep on keeping on so that when I leave for 3 weeks with repaired stuff so that they can't claim unusual circumstances for anything they couldn't do for themselves.

Disabled my JustOKcupid account today. Too much crap, not enough reward. I think I will stick to my diet and fitness goals better if I don't periodically get blindsided by some dude I never met. I don't know yet how I will channel that "lonely empty hole" feeling that drives me to sit on those online dating apps.

----

Hung out w Molly tonight at her favorite cigar bar! Sins included two raspberry beers and three mini tortillas!

---

Mousey death toll is 7. 2 tiny babies caught in one of my poison free insect traps. I now have a new theory about why we don't have the bugs anymore besides all the combat traps I put out. Oh god...

Rat traps go out tomorrow. I put all my clothes and shoes in the plastic bins tonight. So glad I got out with Molly and was human tonight. Going to services in the morning. in the pla

---

Progress as of today: 82.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/14/2018:
Isn't if funny how we build something up in our minds and then when we do have it...it never seems to be as good as we imagined it would be?

happy-1 on 04/14/2018:
Ugh. Right???? But I'm pretty sure Costco frozen yogurt is as good as I imagine it and I get it once a week on my fitness plan. ;)


Horn_of_plenty on 04/15/2018:
wow...a cigar bar...we don't have any of those...

raspberry beer sounds awesome. i love grapefruit beer.

happy-1 on 04/15/2018:
In NY??? No way. You just have to Yelp it.


Donkey on 04/15/2018:
Raspberry beer? That sounds lovely!

happy-1 on 04/15/2018:
Omg. Better than sangria.


Donkey on 04/15/2018:
Ok, you've got me sold on it. Now I *HAVE* to try it :-) Sobriety be damned.

happy-1 on 04/15/2018:
Omg... no not that good!



happy-1 - Friday Apr 13, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

Back up again... 226.8. Probably PMS. Up at 8am and pulling it together one step at a time. Dad had a million requests for me as soon as my eyes cracked open... and I poured the water for my coffee in the wrong section soaking everything.

Blah... That dude from OKcupid makes me want to throw everything in my car and run away to Texas.

---

BTW... The best running shoes ever are on sale at 6pm.

https://www.6pm.com/p/brooks-launch-3-anthracite-electric-brooks-blue/product/8919037/color/590822 

---

Ok.12:09 pm. I've sucked it up and put on my big girl pants (aka my Lucky Brand goal jeans, which I have paired with a lovely floral collared shirt that I couldn't wear closed when I bought it and now needs a tank top under it to be comfy) which are seriously too tight with PMS bloat. I am here with an hour and 20 min to spare, a cooler packed with low sodium, healthy, on-plan food. All my to do items are in the back seat waiting for me to go through. Time to "Adult" like ****king goddamn Wonder Woman.

---

Bedtime meditation to make up for missing it last night...

3gs: 1) the money to pay for the finished crown. 2) my parents and the shelter they provide. 3) my dog, for always being happy when I get home.

Fitness pride: 1) being proactive and taking care of my dental work so I will feel bettter. 2) packing a cooler and eating on plan. 3) doing my rest day and cheat meal as scheduled. 4) going to bed at 10:30 and not staying up late watching Hulu.

Progress as of today: 82.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 04/13/2018:
Wow! What gorgeous shoes! Look so comfy, too!

happy-1 on 04/13/2018:
Like running on clouds


bearcountrygg on 04/13/2018:
They do look nice.

happy-1 on 04/13/2018:
I've had mine for 2 years now. Best fitness investment ever. Really helped my hip and knee problems while exercising


horn_of_plenty on 04/13/2018:
wow he's that cute? hahaha

happy-1 on 04/13/2018:
No it was more that he was also single, never married, no kids, has a large dog, likes backpacking and kayaking, same movies and bands, was fun to talk to, local, and also ADHD. I had this vision of really good company and adventures with our dogs over a happy lazy summer with potential for more. But he also sent a lot of racy texts that I didn't really know what to say to and figured a cup of coffee or tea or frozen yogurt would be a fun place to start. He also took exception to me not drinking (I literally sh*t myself, my tummy can't handle booze, orange juice, soda and sometimes tomato sauce... but I just say it's not my thing.)


jayhawkjen on 04/14/2018:
That so funny... I have that same feeling (Wonder Woman) every single day when I get up out of bed and go to work. Like, “Wow, I really can’t believe I’m doing this again today, doesn’t anybody realize how heroic this is?”

happy-1 on 04/14/2018:
Sometimes just getting out of bed and embracing the suck deserves a cape and a crown.


Donkey on 04/14/2018:
^^^ THIS. YES. ME TOO. EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

happy-1 on 04/14/2018:
Ha! If I have a tenth of your cougar grit I am in good shape. Go compliment some ancient old man today and give him a thrill.



happy-1 - Thursday Apr 12, 2018
(Complete 80% or better of 16 health acts a day)
Weight: 225.5

According to the new scale I lost almost 2 lbs today! That's kind of a lot with what I already lost this week, but it's all about averages and I'll take it! My goal is to lose no faster than half a pound a week, burn more fat than muscle, and not end up with extra skin. I really fell off the wagon yesterday. I did another round of meal prep yesterday and it just wore me out. I didn't want to drive spacey so I stayed home from the track workout and the adhd meeting and took my dog for a long walk. I ate off plan... Instead of my planned meals I had a protein cookie, a piece of cheese, a whole box of sweet potato crackers, and 5 squares of dark chocolate. I stayed up till 1 am watching Hulu (Preacher) because I was overtired and really down. Woke up late this AM and my whole body ached... Like I was beaten up. PMS?

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Got all my paperwork in today for the second round of scholarship approvals... Takes 10 days. Fingers and toes crossed!

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Turning down my parent's kind offer to take me to their favorite rib place. It's just an opportunity to overeat or eat off plan.

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Still working on fixing iphone/icloud stuff. Digging out my old digital camera tonight so I can start using that instead of my phone.

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Sensory joy... I pulled my dog's dog bed over to the couch yesterday and it is my foot rest and today she is laying on it and my feet so my toes are warm and toasty in soft blankets and fur and as she breathes I can feel her breaths go in and out and it makes my breathing go slower and I feel very chill.

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Didn't go to bootcamp tonight. I just don't feel so good. I took my dog on a nice long dog walk instead.

Whenever I jump, I feel my kidneys and my uterus bouncing around, I swear. I need to get a complete health audit when I get my cash straightened out. Maybe in tandem with buying disability insurance.

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Just realized that I haven't logged calories or really worked out since Monday and it is end of the day Thursday. I've spent s many days trying to catch up to meal prep from not going shopping Friday, I feel like I will never catch up... But weirdly I just lost a couple of pounds so why am I down about this... other than that I am trying to build up to getting everything done in a day that when I look at a paper, it looks like I should have time for.  I feel like I consistently get nothing done. 

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The guy I thought was cool off JustOKcupid doesn't want to meet up tomorrow. Yikes... He said I needed to take a hint and not call back. OUCH!  He sent me weird **** for days and I was pretty chatty with him... but he doesn't want to get a cup of coffee with me? Sigh... I deleted all his texts and calls from my phone so that I don't accidentally drunk dial him. Not that I get drunk... but you know what I mean.

I miss having a life, a love life, and freedom.  How did I decide to throw away 3 years of that? I remember how great it was to have an apartment with a jacuzzi. Augh.

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11:28pm... bedtime meditation... The place to start with getting back on track...

3 gratitudes: 1) That the case manager is helping me get to the second round (for the third time) for the scolarship. 2) That my ex wants to see me on his time off next week. It feels really good to be included.

Efforts I can take pride in for fitness today: Even though I skipped my bootcamp, I did go for the hour-long walk with my dog. I packed a cooler full of food to stay on-plan and also meal-prepped egg cups for 2nd breakfast for the week. I am also just forgiving myself for today and trying again tomorrow. If I can pull it together, I will get my crown put on in the AM. I really shouldn't put that off. 

1 selfless act I did today: Sent my meal prep plan to my case manager. I might send it to her for next week too. We live in the same area so our sales are the same. I also didn't let my dad go out to put out trash barrels in the driving wind. I went out there and did it, toughed it out.

Obstacles and how I will over come them: Not having my own space for my own life, iphone issues, exhaustion, weird feeling in the abdominal area when I jump.

My vision for what it will be like when I achieve my fitness goal: I will sleep and wake like clockwork. I won't get sucked into the spin of anxiety and depression. I will have a guy that really likes me (this is a dangerous thing to think here because I have always gotten into a bad relationship everytime I got skinny).

My intention for tomorrow: Rise to the occasion.

How I will work heroicly tomorrow: Suck it up, hit the bank, hit the dentist, hit Corner Bakery and get myself a goddamn brownie, hit DA, then see if K is free and see a goddamn movie and have a goddamn grls night.

Mantra for tomorrow: Living ain't for sissies

Progress as of today: 82.5 lbs lost so far, only 45.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/12/2018:
Congrats on the loss

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
Ty! Excited... as long as I only have 1 week like this a month or so.

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
BCGG - How tall are you? I'm 5'10. We're at similar weights.


horn_of_plenty on 04/12/2018:
you are on a major roll this month! way to go!

If you continue this route, you'll be under 200 lbs by the end of this year maybe...or just a little over that time! how cool would that be!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
Errrgh not cool because then I'd be losing muscle not just fat? I have "chubby muscles" or intramuscular adipose tissue, which can decrease insulin sensitivity, increase inflammation, reduce recovery from training, and decrease strength. The only way to get that off is to go slow and keep all the muscle you can.


horn_of_plenty on 04/12/2018:
did you know that you and BCGG weigh similar weights?

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
I just realized that!!!!


trishpiglet3 on 04/12/2018:
Admirable goals, awesome progress :)

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
Thank you!!! Slow and steady wins the race!


Maria7 on 04/12/2018:
Congrats on your new lower number.

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
TY!!!!!


bearcountrygg on 04/12/2018:
To answer your question above, I'm 5 '4"...and probably more like 5'3" now...I'm shrinking.

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
Aaaaaaw... You're not shrinking... you're just getting more concentrated!


Donkey on 04/12/2018:
My fingers and toes are crossed, holding my breath, sayin' my prayers for you... Ooh keep us updated!

I really like the idea of a "sensory joy" -- every once in a while, I get those, but I've never given these instances their proper respect. I really ought to.

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
They are so rare and fleeting but they make everything worth it.

Like I recently figured out that 6pm is the best time to go for a dog walk... The sun is low enough that I am not miserable and antsy and you can see all the the cute things people have done to their houses.



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