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view hollybelle bio page
hollybelle - Tuesday Oct 24, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Yesterday was OK. I think it was about Day # 54. When I consider that It would seem I would have lost more weight than I "think" I have. But, I have had days when I was not eating as healthily as I could have and I have had days when I didn't exercise at all and I didn't "grow" to this size in 54 days so I probably won't reduce the size all that significantly in 54 days and this is NOT A TIMEFRAME thing. It is what I am going to do for the rest of my life! ALSO I have not weighed in Weeks AND I don't know what my TRUE starting weight was at the doctor's office, etc. I am afraid to call the Dr. office and ask because I'm not sure I REALLY want to know. Now that I have written that down, it sounds dumb. I guess it really doesn't matter what "WAS" but what "IS"

Menus for yesterday were:

B: Banana AND Coffee

S: None

L: Apple RF String Cheese - 1 stick Special K Bar

S: 1 Cup Bean Soup

D: 1/2 C Mashed Potato 1 Slice of Turkey with Gravey - Frozen VERY LOW FAT!

S: Kudos Bar

I didn't use the eliptical trainer last night as I lifted weights for a long time yesterday at lunchtime and I felt like my legs were tired and family schedule was hectic and it just got late and I got even more tired as the night went on. I will walk 30 minutes at lunch and 1.5 hours while daughter is with Tutor and still do the eliptical for 20-25 minutes tonight (I hope). Have a Blessed Day all. Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

Moody on 10/24/2006:
I am sure you mentioned it somewhere but what is the significance (sp) of the whole 54 day thing? I like how you are being so realistic when you say that you didn't "grow" to this size in 54 days..I have a hard time with wanting results Now, even when I know that isn't possible. It's good to be reminded of that every now and then. So, thanks!

At least your doctor has a record of what you weigh..at my doctor I tell them to put down "refused" on the chart; I Never weigh at the doctors office.

Sounds like you got your exercise all planned out for today!!! Good luck!!!

stringbean on 10/24/2006:
I'd take a deep breath and call the doc- if you have a starting and current weight, you'll have a better idea of how well you're doing. Last time I went to the doc, I weighed over 185 pounds, and when I went this time, I weighed in at 166- fully clothed. It was a nice feeling to know that lower number was going in my chart next to the other. :D Also- knowing exactly how much you've lost will help you tweak your diet, or be confident in what you're doing. Sounds like you've got a good head about this whole thing though, and I'm glad you have realistic expectations. (Sometimes mine aren't! hahaha)

Just my opinion though- everyone is different!!


rjf on 10/24/2006:
<FONT COLOR="#9805c9"> You sound like you are well on your way. I think so much of weight loss in mental. Just remember the slower the weight loss the better the chance of NOT gaining it back...or so I've been told. Keep up the great work!! *smiles*</FONT>

maria777 on 10/24/2006:
Good menu for yesterday! Good for you! Keep up the good work! You can always go by how your clothes fit instead of a scale, you know!

WorkingIt on 10/24/2006:
You've been dieting for seven weeks and have lost almost 7 pounds. You are doing just fine!! If you want to increase the weight loss, cut back another 250 calories and add another 250 calorie burning exercise. Me, I can't cut 750 calories from my diet..nooooooooo way. LOL

The best way to figure out how many calories your body needs to maintain...take your weight and if you are under 40, multiply it by 11, if you are over 40, multiply it by 10, if you are over 60, multiply by 9. That number is the number you need to eat in order to maintain and not gain or lose. Reduce that number by 500 in order to lose a pound each week. Add exercise to help reduce more and burn fat. I think you are doing great. No worries!

hollybelle - Monday Oct 23, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

The day at the in laws was not so bad. I did endulge in some of the goodies my mother in law keeps laying around (see below), but all in all it was OK. I think I am starting to feel the more in control. I ate the goodies I had at her house out of nervousness, too. I really didn't want to go on the trip yesterday-had so much to do at home, but wanted to see my in laws. Really didn't want to take the daughter's boyfriend, either, but husband had already invited him. So I just took a nap at their house 'cause I was so cranky. Felt better and then we all went to dinner at Applebee's. We had a nice time overall.

Menus were: (I actually made an effort to write it all down again. I have been getting out of the habit-but my memory for food is good)

B: Oatmeal w/ pecans and br sugar splenda Coffee

L: 1/2 Wendy's freshcata Club minus the mayo

S: Granola Bar - low fat (at in laws) Hersey Kiss (at in laws) 2 wafer cookies (at inlaws)

D: 1/2 Applesbee's Oriental chicken salad No bread

S: Kudos Bar 1/2 C Skim Milk

I can see that I am still working sugar into my diet even though it is in less quanities and more healthy forms. I need to cut that out. Will probably eat dessert Tuesday at work for birthday so will try to budget that in, but otherwise I will try to cut out more sugar and keep the workouts pumped up.

Have a Blessed Day! Holly

P.S. Horn O Plenty - thanks or thinking I was younger! Ha- ha

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

mattscat3295 on 10/23/2006:
I think you did wonderfully at the in-laws. It sounds as though you ate sensibly all day. Thank you for your supportive comments you left for me, I really appreciate it. I hope you have a wonderful day.

WorkingIt on 10/23/2006:
Great job! I seem to have those weeks where I eat more packaged/processed foods and then go back to the whole foods eating. Isn't it strange how that happens? Makes me want to investigate the reasons behind it..most likely I'm just being lazy LOL.

hollybelle - Sunday Oct 22, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Yesterday turned out not to be too bad. I feel more in control and less emotional about food. I'm not sure why the emotions come in and out of it sometimes (even though I wrote what I THOUGHT was an insightful entry on the Forum section under "Binge Eating"). I guess the inner battle just is stronger sometimes. Reality over that unreal thought life is confusing sometimes. Come to think of it - I started feeling better AFTER I wrote the entry on the Forum section! Is this an AH-HA moment??? My menus for the day were:

B: Coffee - not very hungry

S: None

L: Roasted Red Pepper Soup

Small Piece of French Bread

S: Granola Bar

D: Angel Hair Pasta with Carbernet Marinara and Ground Turkey (Don't be impressed it was Classico brand sauce out of a Jar! but it was good)

Salad - recipe to follow in case you are interested this is a great salad and can be made with grilled chicken for a whole meal. We love it.

Small Piece French Bread

S: Granola Bar


Bagged "Very Veggie" or your favorite Greens

Gala or Fugi Apple Slices - about 6-8 per salad - very thinly liced

Sliced Almond - 1 Tablespoon more or less

Harvest Brand Crispy Wonton Strips - Garlic Ginger Flavor - 10 or so (these are what make the salad in my opinion!)

Top with any low fat or FF Asian Dressing. The dressing should be a little sweet - if it is not - add some splenda


Exercise Report:

I love the Eliptical! I worked out on FAT BURNER mode for 25 minutes yesterday IN ADDITION to going for a 1.25 Hour walk with Husband and lifting weights and working abs HARD! YEA!!! It FELT so good.

We went to the 10:30 show of the comedian. Daughter spent the night at a friend's house. The comedian was not as funny as I remember - she has gotten "smutty" - maybe it was because it was a late show. Don't remember her being like that last time. I'm sure I went earlier in the evening last time I saw her years ago. I appreciated my husband getting the tickets for us and taking me, though. There were so many DRUNK people there. Oh brother - I'm sure we feel better than most of them this morning!

Well, the tutor SEEMS to be working out - he says Rachel is learnng and is ahead of where she needs to be for the next test.....I hope he knows what he is talking about. She has met with him 3 times for 2 hours each time!!! She says she REALLY likes Biology - she says it is like learning a secret language. Interesting. PLEASE keep up the prayer for her on the Biology and other school issues-I know this is a diet site, but we will accept help on the prayer front wherever we can get it! :)

Well - it's off to Northern KY to visit the in-laws. Will try to catch up with you all later. In the meantime - have a Blessed Day! Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 10/22/2006:
Congratulations on your "Ah Ha!" moment! I am like you, I don't find smut to be funny. Too bad she was that way and that there were so many drunk people around you. And WOW on the exercise! That is great! Glad to hear that your daughter is doing better and understanding more. I know what she means about the 'secret language' which is why i've always found biology, science, nutrition, etc. to be very very interesting. Learning it is very exciting! Hooray for her! Will say prayers for her over here!

Enjoy your day!

Moody on 10/22/2006:
Your salad sounds yummy!! Definitely sounds like an "ah-ha" moment to me!!

I have no patience with drunk people when I am cold sober..lol. Not that I drink much but back in the day, yeh. I have had a six pack of beer in my fridge for 5 months!

Glad your daughter is loving biology; the tutor seems to be doing his job, but the real test will come when she has her test. When is that going to be, do you know?

Fantastic job on working out! So glad you love the eliptical!! And walking on top of that Plus weights!! Wonderful!!

hippygal on 10/23/2006:
Well done on the exercise! You've got me craving an elliptical workout now! That salad recipe sounds delicious. I'm glad your daughter is enjoying biology - my mother teaches biology at secondary school and I excelled in it at A level, so I really miss it now I do law - it is a really fascinating subject, but difficult too, so the tutor sounds like he's doing a great job.

hollybelle - Saturday Oct 21, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Well, I "meant" to do some exercise yesterday, but it didn't work out. I only walked for 20 miuntes at lunch with my co-worker. My high school friend (we graduated from HS in 1972!! some of you weren't even BORN then - but that's OK that's not the POINT!! ha-ha) who lives in NY state was in town for her 30-Year College Reunion and I got to spend some time with her - about an hour and a half. She is staying with her brother and pretty much had most of her time planned out. I may get to see her again on Sunday. It was SO good to see her. She hasn't changed hardly at all. She doesn't even have to COLOR HER HAIR-she has NO Gray. She was always little-bitty and still is. She is an Artist and museum curator. Her medium is glass. She makes beautiful things and sells them or displays them in galleries. I vowed that I would come to NY and see her soon maybe November or December. I was there once 10 years ago. That will give me incentive to stay on my good, healthy habits so that I will FEEL GOOD and enjoy the trip there. She has relatives in NYC and all it would cost us is plane ticket (for me)and food/entertainment costs. Lodging would be FREE. Sounds like a good opportunity.

Anyway. Yesterday I really didn't keep up with the food totally. This is not necessarily a bad sign in that I didn't think about it ALL DAY long-just in the morning. I probably didn't eat enough to GAIN weight, really, but didn't plan sufficiently to LOSE, I'll bet. My birthday is Tuesday and there will certain challenges to my goals. I will manage them as well as I can. I will focus on not eating TOO much and nt too much crappy stuff and just maintaining for a few more days. My husband, Mark and I are going to have the whole evening to ourselves and we are going to dinner and a comedy club (comic is "Etta Mae" have seen her before and she is hilarious-chick humor). That will probably be OK with regard to food because I can choose restraunt and food wisely. I may eat something like salmon and vegetables, etc. Then we are going to my in-laws house tomorrow (Sunday) to celebrate my mother-in-laws birthday and my birthday (hers was 10/4 mine is 10/24) so that will be more "special food". Then my co-workers will no doubt have dessert for me on Tuesday - this is their tradition and I don't want to object so I will just budget in the dessert. I will just enjoy whatever they make me and thank them. Whew. Then I should be back to my better eating on Wednesday. You know -as long as I don't eat TONS of sugar, LOTS of fats and things like that I think it MIGHT be OK......at least until Thanksgiving, huh? I must remind myself that I have set NO TIMETABLE on this - this is my new life style - making better/good choices MOST of the time - being 95% of the time. These next days might just be part of the 5% at times! I won't weigh, I guess until maybe.....11/6 or so......

Menus for yesterday were:

B: One Pancake (RF) with syrup (husband took vacation day and I filled his request for pancakes - he never asks for them Coffee

S: WW Pita with Hummus

L: Hormel Chicken Breast with Mashed Potatos and Gravy (this is not bad - 240 calories, 5 g fat but 1020 sodium)

S: granola bar

D: Roll WITH PAT OF BUTTER!! (couldn't resist - at favorite Italian Rest. - resisted last two times there)

1 piece of 16' pizza with Pepperoni (not much, though), mushrooms and banana peppers)

S: TWO Kudos Bars

Not terribly bad, but not great, either.

Today is another day. I will concentrate on eating low calorie - bulky foods to keep me full 'til dinner - try to stay reasonable at dinner - and exercise a lot to compensate, too - and call it a day. If anyone has suggestions for other strategies for me, I'll consider them. This is just one of those periods of time when there are many occasions to eat and I don't want to make myself miserable by totally freaking out about the food or not eating some things I enjoy, either. Have a Blessed Day - Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/21/2006:
good on the 1 slice of pizza!!!!! :) I wouldn't want to do that! You know, I thought you were much younger! "Hollybelle" sounds youthful to me and I was picturing you in your 30's this whole time! keep up the good work!

WorkingIt on 10/21/2006:
I LOVE glass art! It is so calming to me.

I think you are doing well with finding out what works for you. Depriving yourself of what you really want can make you end up eating five times more of other stuff, just to avoid the thing you want most. Budgeting those calories in or adding exercise to burn those extra calories is always a very good idea. I would strongly suggest giving yourself ONE cheat meal each week until you are feeling stronger. Work your behind off the rest of the week to stay on perfect track, and then for that one meal...RELAX and don't even think about it. I promise you that eventually you will find that you don't really want the cheat meal or that you start wondering exactly how many calories you are eating. Once you hit that point..you will be leaps ahead into your new lifestyle! **HUGS**!

weightlossyoyo on 10/21/2006:
You have got the thinking down pat! It is a new lifestyle and if you want to lose weight and stay healthy you will have to change habits for life. That does not mean you have to give up the foods you love all the time. It is so GREAT to think that way, some people never understand that. You are doing so wonderful and with that additude you will make your goal.

hollybelle - Saturday Oct 21, 2006

Weight: 0.0

hollybelle - Friday Oct 20, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Didn't get to post yesterday but checked on some of the other diaries for a few minutes. To catch up: Wednesday's mnenus weren't too bad.....did OK. In a hurry so won't post them here now, but they were OK.

Yesterday - well........I ate lots of good stuff and compared to what I could have done it wasn't too bad. As some of you may know I work in the health insurance industry. As such I am often invited to sales training meetings sponsored by the carriers and these meetiings often have a social function after them for building relationships between the carriers and the agents. Yesterday one of the carriers sponsored a breakfast meeting with all this food - biscuits, eggs, bacon/sauasage, pastry, coffee, juice, milk, and then an outing to the horse track here - Keeneland. I live in the heart of Kentucky horse country.

I did fine at breakfast. I really wasn't hungry. I only had coffee with some skim milk and some cream. Keeneland included lunch which is a buffet. They really do a nice job with the same things every year. I had

Corned Beef 2 Slices

Brocolli Salad

tiny bit of Potato Salad

Steamed Vegetables

That was all fine but then I couldn't resist Bread Pudding! They have a wonderful version of this southern dessert with a Bourbon Sauce and fresh strawberries on top. It's the only place they have this and it's only once or twice a year that I get to go to Keeneland - it is only open a few race days in April and a few race days in October. SO....that's how I justified having a piece.

After that I really wasn't hungry at dinner so I had a glass of milk and called it a day.

Last time I had a big eating day I felt so bad, but I don't today. I think it is because I see that "nothing BAD" happened and that I can go right back to the better habits immediately??? (Not sure I said that right but somebody might know what I mean). And if that is the case why didn't I see that last time? Practice makes perfect, I think.

I didn't get to walk because it rained all day long (we were indoors at Keeneland) but I did use the Eliptical Trainer for 30 minutes. It was a good workout. I REALLY like it. I feel so blessed to have it. I watched 1/2 of Law & Order while exercising!

Today is Friday and I will try to walk a bit or lift weights at lunch and use the Trainer again. Right now I need some coffee so will see you DD Buddies later!

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

smiley2 on 10/20/2006:
Oh that breadpudding sounds absolutely fabulous!! Just for interest sake....can you buy the breadpudding at the racetrack itself or did the carriers cater for the buffet at the racetrack? You probably think why im asking...well im making notes of all these little things that i find special or tasty lol, because DH and me are planning to do a roadtrip through the States in a few years time...and well he loves breadpudding...thats why i asked lol.

And great job on not overeating! It reminds me so much of WorkingIt's entry that said its ok to allow ourselves something if we crave it, we just shouldnt blame ourselves for it afterwards...cause we are worthy of cravings and its not always bad.

mattscat3295 on 10/20/2006:
I think you are doing a wonderful job on you menus and exercises, keep up the good work. I don't believe that I could have passed up the bread pudding either, it sounds fabulous. Keep up the good work and have a wonderful day.

smiley2 on 10/20/2006:
Me again...thanks for the response you left me. You are so right, im her only friend that is left. She had one other close friend, whom i am still friends with, but her husband made a scene at this friends house about 2 years back, physically and emotionally abusing her infront of a whole lot people at a party. So this other friends kind of written her off to. She has nobody else in her life to turn to. Her parents are these over religious people that believe a wife should honour her husband no matter what...so you can see where this all is going. Im really afraid of this guy, afraid that he will come to our place and do something to me or my hubby, he is really screwed in the head, so i think its better that i just let go.

Yea breadpudding.....mmmh its one of our traditional recipes here in Cape Town, but like you said everyone has their own varieties. We make it with raisens and lots of butter and milk. The bourbon and strawberries sounded like a wonderful, interesting variation to me. If you can get the recipe, i would love to try it. But dont go through too much trouble please. I was just interested to know if the racetrack actually served it. We will most probably include Kentucky in our road trip, but the whole thing is still in the planning phases. I love the States and if i had family there i would move there any day. My DH lived there for 9 years and me 2. We especially like the desert areas of Arizona and California.

Thanks again for your advice, i really appreciate it, have a good weekend!!

tourguidebarbie on 10/20/2006:
Reading everyone else�s DD's is really motivating. Everyone else seems to be doing the �right� things when it comes to dieting where I�m completely slacking and it is showing me that �I can do this too!� Thank you so much for your entry!

greengirl on 10/20/2006:
OMG that bread pudding is making my mouth water!!!!! I would definately have had some too. Good for you!!!!

moody on 10/20/2006:
I must be the only person on here who hasn't ever tried bread pudding!

You did EXCELLENT yesterday with all those yummy goodies! I am very proud of you!! And awesome job getting on your eliptical last night! You are doing wonderfully!!

WorkingIt on 10/20/2006:
I think you did a fantastic job! =)

monet0239 on 10/20/2006:

maria777 on 10/20/2006:
My Hubby and I visited Kentucky in 2004...we vacationed there...it was WONDERFUL!!!!!

Good for you doing 30 mins on the Eliptical Trainer! WTG!!!!!

hollybelle - Wednesday Oct 18, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Had an OK day yesterday. Walked 40 minutes with co-worker at lunchtime. Then I walked the dog an hour around the University Library where Rachel met for the first time with her tutor. YEA! That seemed to go well. He is a very nice man and seems genuinely to care if Rachel learns and does well. At this point I feel like he is an answered prayer. Anyway I thought I'd be bored waiting around 1 or 2 hours during her tutoring sessions, but since I was able to walk, it was GREAT. I love exercise.

Also - I have figured out why I don't feel as thin as I did last week. I hate to say this - but it's still the gas I have been experiencing! I will NEVER eat those sugarfree candies again!!! I keep wondering when this will go away. I didn't help it any, either by eating bean soup Sunday - but that was over 2 days ago already. I hate to talk about this, but it's really bugging me.

OK - enough already! My eating wasn't too bad yesterday.

B: Banana Coffee

S: Granola Bar

L: WW Pita with Chicken Salad 2 Olives Slim a Bear Ice Cream Sandwich

S: Pretzels

D: 2 C Chicken Tortilla Soup 30 Corn Chips Kudos Bar

S: 2 Pieces WW Toast with Honey 1 C Skim Milk I am still eating more than I was. Still not sure why...Eliptical Trainer to be delivered tonight!! Have a Blessed Day - Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

borntocry on 10/18/2006:
Have you tried Beano? Apparently if you add a drop of it to your food beforehand, you can avoid the ensuing discomfort. I have never used it but my husband claims it works!

Oh yeah, and what is banana coffee? Do tell!

Moody on 10/18/2006:
I am so glad the tutoring session went well! That's great!!! And great job on the walking!! Woohoo!!

Those sugar free candies should come with a warning label!!!

hippygal on 10/18/2006:
Ooh lucky you - getting your own elliptical trainer! I'm so jealous! I have to walk for 40mins to get to my gym to use one - i'm totally addicted to crosstraining!! Well done on the food intake x

WorkingIt on 10/18/2006:
Whenever I see anything that says "Sugar Free" I look at the label and see if it lists "sugar alcohol" if it does...I put it right back. Sugar alcohol has a very intense laxative effect and the pain can last for a week. Tums, rolaids, maalox, something like that should help. The ladies at work got me a box of sugar free candies that are full of sugar alcohol. I set them on my desk and the guy next to me, WITHOUT ASKING, took several of them. Two hours later, he was complaning about bad stomach pain and thought it was the coleslaw he ate at lunch. I must admit that I didn't inform him of the sugar alcohol...he has since eaten all the candies and complained about food poisioning for a week LOL.

sweetpea1977 on 10/18/2006:
Im glad that you were able to find a trustworthy tutor for your daughter. What a relief!!

Great job on the food and exercise!!

mattscat3295 on 10/18/2006:
Banana coffee sounds interesting, what is it exactly? I would love to try it. I'm glad that you found a tutor for your daughter that you find trustworthy and way to go on all of that walking. Keep up the good work.

ima2hefty on 10/18/2006:

I had no clue what sugar free candies have the effect that you mentioned! Do you know if that is true of Splenda too??

mattscat3295 on 10/19/2006:
Thanks for your comment, yes all children grow up way too fast. My daughter is 17 going on 30, if you know what I mean. She is an inspiration to me every day full of life and laughter(as you could see in the one pic of her and her friend climbing into the beautiful flowers and peeking out).

hollybelle - Tuesday Oct 17, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Hi guys. All your entries on my posts yesterday were very helpful. I think I am beginning to see what was happening now. It was STILL the ED voice trying to assert itself into my life - EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! That residual of the "I ate _____/I am bad" is still there - even though intellectually I know better. That is why I have such a hard time with it anytime I concentrate on eating habits - even positive ones! Actually I have done real well for a long time (a month) without that coming up more often. Thanks for your support. There was great truth in every one of your comments. I feel better today and more positive and less on edge about it all. It is funny how I still don't recognize it for what it is sometimes.

I will just post the rest of the day on here since I already posted what I ate for lunch yesterday.

B: Banana Coffee

S: None

L: You all know.....

S: Pretzels

D: Chicken Tortilla Soup (Home-made by me!) - very good and not too bad on calories or fat - this is a knock-off from Max & Erma's soup of the same name. I age about 1 Cup Kudos Bar

S: Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich

All in all not bad.

You know - I just thought of another thing that probably set me off yesterday.....everybody in my office always talks, talks, talks about food when we have these gatherings. It's a natural social thing in out society. Not everyone is as sensitive as I am about "food talk". I'mm not saying anyone is doing something wrong, paraticularly - just that I am very sensitive to it and I know that. Usually I try to make an appearance timed about when I can serve myself, sit down and eat/socialize for a few minutes then beat it back to my desk. Yesterday I lingered with the crowd too long before and after and subjected myself to all the eating and food comments from the crowd. That is a trigger for me. I'll change that next time.

It is very nasty weather here and I haven't gotten to exercise outside last night or this a.m. I did workout on yoga ball thing. It is very good way to exercise. I really liked it. Eliptical trainer comes tomorrow evening.

Rachel has tutor tonight. We'll see how that goes. You guys hang in there. Have a Blessed Day! Your Diary Pal - Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 10/17/2006:
I am so excited for you about the eliptical trainer! I so desperately want one! And I do understand what you mean about social food talk. The fact that society has placed such importance on food rather than the people at a gathering, is why 1 out of 7 adults is obese. And why 5 out of 7 has some form of ED. What you feel is perfectly normal, and your reaction to the food talk is especially normal. It looks like you are handling it the best you can.

As far as your ice cream that you brought for yourself..GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You cannot worry about what the rest of the world thinks about your eating habits because that takes away your energy that you need to fight your personal battles with food. I read yesterday that 9 out of 10 people admit to having some form of 'war' raging with food. And I believe it! After all, every single one of us on this forum is fighting some battle with food. And I would bet anything that everyone at the office party yesterday, was also justifying eating the things they were eating lol.

**HUGS** Good luck to your daughter! And to YOU!

Moody on 10/17/2006:
I am glad that you are feeling better today~moodwise! And good for you for recognizing a trigger yesterday; that is so important for this journey.

Have fun with the eliptical! I've only been on it once and I enjoyed it, but I felt a bit odd using it; I guess because I am not the most graceful or coordinated person! A great workout tho!!

I hope that Rachel does well with the tutor tonight..keep us posted!

ima2hefty on 10/17/2006:
Banana coffee? Interesting! I cant imagine lol. Sounds like something worth trying though. Good luck with your eliptical trainer!

hollybelle - Monday Oct 16, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

OK - I am posting two times today because I need to get something down on the diary. We just finished with the Bosses Day lunch and I didn't do too badly. I ate a very small amount of salad - about 5 bites with lite Italian dressing, a very small serving of lasagne no bread and I brought my own dessert and acted like I brought some for everyone (the Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches). But I feel bad......like I did something wrong. This all goes back to the way I think about food and the way I don't want to think about food anymore. For the most part I am doing OK but I find that I am still having these thoughts that are destructive. What I am thinkiing now is: I can think of it as "I ate too much, I am bad" or I can think of it like "I really enjoyed that, I didn't really over do it and I don't eat like that every day" and move on! Can I have any better thoughts than that? The thought life is SO important.

WorkingIt - I read your post and I think you are right - no making up for a heavy eating day with an extremely light one...not because I ate a big lunch but because it wil set me up for another 'binge' (although yesterday doesn't quite qualify for a true binge). When I said "make up for yesterday" I just meant on the lighter side of a regular day. I need to pay attention to my hunger. I shouldn't be hungry for quite sometime today now......and I can be sure to exercise tonight.

OK - I feel better - anyone, please let me know how you find it helpful to think/believe when you are having those "I ate too much/I am bad" feelings. Your Diary Buddy - Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

Moody on 10/16/2006:
You did great at lunch today!! Good for you!! I will be looking forward to seeing what others advise you regarding the "i ate too much/i am bad" feelings as I do the exact same thing. Something I am working on, but still need much help in this area.

I also just caught up on your entries for the past few days and want to say YAY that you got a tutor! Sounds like he will be of great help to your daughter! I am so happy for you!!

greengirl on 10/16/2006:
I think it's great that you went to the lunch prepared. You thought it out beforehand so you should not feel guilty. You could have done so much worse. You are to be congratulated on your forethought. Well done!!!!

hippygal on 10/16/2006:
Hey Hollybelle thanks for the recipe you posted in my comments - i'll be sure to try it. I know exactly what you mean about the "I ate too much/I am bad" feelings - I suffered from anorexia in my teens and although I'm 70% better and control my destructive behaviours it doesn't stop the destructive thoughts and feelings happening sometimes. I find it helps to talk them through with someone you trust - I talk to my boyfriend and he helps me to see how illogical they are. Food is necessary fuel for you body. You have to live your life and spending it obsessing about every morsel of food your put in your mouth is not living. I also find that going for a walk or exercising helps, because it means that I am doing something positive with my body and it encourages me to recognise the need to fuel my body properly so that it can work as efficiently as possible. Keep strong. x

mattscat3295 on 10/16/2006:
I think you did wonderful at lunch. I know that I have to look at things as if they are what is best for me not what is bad or not bad. I think that smaller portions of things that are higher in calories is better than having alot of it or eating more of things that are lower in calories and healthier for me. It takes time to get to the point that things click in your head that you aren't bad for eating something. I know that from personal experience. My parents and family were always saying that I ate enough for 12 people before, now I take measuring spoons and cups with me when I visit them and they look at me like I am crazy or something but I know that I am doing this for me NOT THEM. I want to feel good about me and my choices, we are here to make ourselves happy with our health and wellbeing not everyone around us. Believe me honey, you are not bad for having eaten what you had today, we all need to eat to live. I don't mean to ramble. I believe in you and I know that you can do this, hang in there honey, we are all here for you. Keep strong. ****HUGS****

hollybelle - Monday Oct 16, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Well, yesterday was the biggest calorie/eating day I have had in a month. I don't know the number of calories I ate for sure-because of course I can't count, but it was a lot. Maybe 2500-3000....I don't know??? One good thing is that I didn't eat too much junk food at all. The worst thing was three chocolate chip cookies (my daughter made them) with skim milk at bedtime. Also, I didn't write all of it down and I ate between meals and snacks. I just munched all day long off and on.

Today is another day and I will just try to go light all day to off-set yesterday. One good thing is I went on two walks yesterday. Both lasted about one hour and a half. I walked with the dog by myself the first time and with a friend and my daughter and the dog the second time. I ran some when by myself. I really liked the exercise. At least that was three hours I didn't eat.

Below is a list of what I think I ate best honest recollection. I won't bother trying to put Meals and times, etc. because it was all day-I thnk this was all:

Reeces Cereal - about 2 Cups no milk


Bean Soup 3/4 C

Pretzels 1 C

More Bean Soup 1/2 C

More Pretzels

Kudos Bar

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich (these are great if you haven't had them - 1.5 g fat 140 calories and they come in vanilla and chocolate ice cream) then

More Reeces Cereal - 1 C no milk

Marie Callendar Lasagne - this is actually not real bad on nutrition for such a tasty easy 'quick fix' suppper 240 calories for 1/5 of the package 9 g fat

3 Cookies and 1 C Skim Milk

Whew! Well, I enjoyed it and like I said - today is another day.

Thanks for all your comments on my diary yesterday. I got a kick out of the comments on my 'gaseous' situation! Monet said dynomite comes in small packages too and Born2cry said lay on left side - you know what, it WAS the left side where the pain was worse! Unbelievably it is still with me but then again I ate all that delicious bean soup yesterday!!! Well, I'll sign off here before I start making jokes that sound like I'm in middle school.....ha! Your Diary Buddy Holly

P.S. Oh, yes and today is Boss' Day at work and they are carrying in from Olive Garden (Italian)!!! And everyone will bring home-made desserts! YIKES! Well, I will just have to Think, Think, Think about what I want and what I am doing! Good Luck to ME!

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 10/16/2006:
I love the Skinny Cow ice creams. Tasty!

I read that if we screw up a day that we shouldn't try to make it up the next day because that sets us up to binge more often because we figure we can just make it up the next day by cutting calories or exercising more. If we just accept our bad days and move forward with a regular day following..it is supposed to help us avoid setting up that dangerous pattern. I never make up for my screw up days, I figure I'm human lol

**HUGS** have a great day and GOOD LUCK!

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