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view hollybelle bio page
hollybelle - Saturday Oct 07, 2006

Weight: 0.0

hollybelle - Friday Oct 06, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Well, it's about 3 weeks since I started posting. I feel so much better. My TOM has about passed - maybe that will bring with it that "thinner" feeling that you get afterwards which helps with motivation. But I remember - fat (nor thin) is not a feeling. What I am starting to realize is that not only do I want to change the inside of me physically-improved health and all that - but I also want to change inside my mind. Not just about eating and things like that - but I want to improve my relationship with my 15 year old daughter. Sometimes I feel like I am such a terrible mother, when I know in reality I am not. She is a very sensitive child and my personality conficts with hers. I am kind of a steam roller. I am not an unkind person - but sometimes I am blunt and to some it probably sounds like unkindness. I find myself becoming too much like my mother - although not even close to "just like" my mother. I don't know how to be the kind of mother she needs. I worry about EVERYTHING (grades - what kind of trouble she "might" be getting to that I don't know about - and she's really a good kid) to do with her and try to do things that help - but it has just the opposite effect. Anyway - I guess all this is coming out because I am identifying that this is a BIG stressor for me and triggers my overeating and eating wrong things and I guess I must learn to deal with it - better sooner than later. It is so hard to be a parent of a teenager. I thought we had gotten through so much with her ED - and we have - for a time I thought we were figuring it out, but the school year is so stressful. Good thing tomorrow (and today) is always another day. I know I need to spend more time on my prayer life and spiritual growth - that will be included in my goals, too. I really believe that prayer changes us. Whew! Here I am rambling and getting so heavy - anyone reading this will probably wish they hadn't today! Ha-ha. But again - it is good to get it out - to not just push it to the back of my mind unlike Scarlett O'Hara I can't afford to "think about it tomorrow" anymore.

Menus for yesterday were:

B: 1/2 Bagael with RF Cream Cheese Coffee

S; Granola Bar

L: Hormel Pot Roast with Potatos and Carrots and Gravey (This is good - it's hi in sodium, but has only 200 cals 2.5 g fat) Yogurt filled "twinkie" snack

S: FF Pringles - about 30

D: Blueberry Bread - Sara Lee - very good 1 teaspoon Brummel & Brown Yogurt Spread Oatmeal w/br Sugar Splenda 6 oz skim Milk

Alot of starches, but not too bad over all. You can sure tell Mark is gone (for a week) by the dinners.

Have a Blessed Day ! Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 10/06/2006:
Take it from a mom who's been down the teenage road. When they turn 15, they become a person that you don't recognize, they don't want you around, they don't remember anything you did for them, and they don't care. Not that they do this to be evil or mean, they don't. They are just changing and trying to find their niche in the world. Just keep being who you are, don't try and change with them because they are really counting on you remaining the same because you and your static strength is the only thing that is remaining constant in their lives that are now full of so many changes. And as far as feeling like a failure as a parent..oh yeah, I know how that feels. But you aren't. It hurts like heck when they pull away from us and suddenly that sweet baby that used to depend on us for things is now putting distance between us. Neither of us understand it. But it is a part of growing up, just be who you are, be honest and don't try to be June Cleaver if you aren't that type. We never get those babies back, sad to say, but we can catch glimpses of them every once in a while. The transition period is so that we can learn to love the person that they are becoming and help steady them along the way. Worrying about them never stops. You are a mom, if you didn't worry...you wouldn't be a mom. At least not one that cares anyway.

As far as allowing it to get you off-track..understand that this is the emotional hold that food has over you and that if you take it one step at a time, you will be ok. Everything you are going through and feeling is perfectly normal. But TRUST ME, having your physical/mental health while going through this is the BEST thing you can do for yourself. I promise.

As far as the 'delete' button on the posts...that is so you can delete your post if you want..nobody else can see it except you and the webmaster. So if you don't really like how you said something or whatever..you can go back and delete it. Nothing bad =)

**Hugs** I wish you much strength and peace.

Moody on 10/06/2006:
Boy can I relate to the whole teenager thing. I am a single parent to a son who is turning 17 on Sunday. And yes I miss the days when he was little and needed me. He still needs me; he just doesn't know it. The other night I got off work at 11 and came home; Tyler was in bed asleep. I went to his room, saw him lying there; arm outstretched, flat on his back. I went over to him and took his hand and was going to kiss him goodnight(something I haven't done in ages), when he opens his eyes and looks at me and says "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"...LOL..NOT the little boy who would've at one time said "hi mom, i love you"...I will be honest and say my feelings got hurt and I left his room, sat at the top of the stairs in the dark and cried!! I can laugh now because my reaction was so stupid but it hurt my feelings at the time and I MISSED the old days! *sigh*..we never stop worrying and wanting the best for our children, wanting to make things as easy as possible and never want to see them hurt. We can only guide them and be there for them and hope that they make the right choices. It's tough I tell ya. Stay strong.

monet0239 on 10/06/2006:
Leter rip.. this is your diary hehe.. and we love to read.. hehe// hugs

hollybelle - Thursday Oct 05, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

Well, here I am on day 20 - think - but what does it matter. I just realized that although I'm not weighing often and I cannot count the calories, fat grams, etc. because of my aforementioned compulsivity I am counting days! But....I don't think that triggers me negatively. It actually (I think) has a positive effect. Kind of like well, I've come this far I can keep going! Actually if this is Thursday this should be Day 21 because I began on a Friday - the day I had the fateful doctor visit and she told me I was "overweight" and sent me on a tangent of mental obsession but ultimately grounded me to summon up the courage to eat right BUT not obsess about it. So far so good. This sight is good because I can get my thoughts out on the sreen and not keep them rattling around in my head all the time. You guys are great! Thanks for the comments.

I really didn't eat much yesterday - not on purpose, really, I just wasn't vry hungry. I am making sure I am in touch with my hunger and eat when I am hungry - just good food choices. But yesterday nothing much sounded good. Looking at my menu it really wasn't very badly balanced, but I think I can do better today.

B: Granola Bar Coffee

S: None

L: Small House Salad w/2 T Honey Mustanrd Dressing 1/2 C Chicken w/ Mushroom Soup (Lunch was at Rafferty's Resturant-Business)

S: FF Pringles Potato Chips - about 18 chips D: This is the JOKE meal Granola Bar 3 Clementines S: Bananas Foster Pudding Cup this is very good 120 Calories 1.5 g Fat (I think) and rich tasting. I sure do have a 'sweet tooth'.

I walked with husband for about an hour last night with dog in the park. Ran some too. Have a Blessed Day all! Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

moody on 10/05/2006:
Your food looks ok to me. I think we all have "joke" meals from time to time but your choices were good! I too, struggle with a sweet tooth and it can be hard to make the right choices when it strikes!

Sounds like you had fun in the park last night! Way to go on running some!

geevee on 10/05/2006:
What ever would happen to us if we didn't have brave, concerned doctors who had the courage to tell us we were overweight? I remember how tentative mine was and I realized he was well aware of even bringing up the subject, but because of him, I've lost 35 lbs. (Actually 40 but I've regained 5!!!)

hollybelle - Wednesday Oct 04, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 163.2

OK, I started another entry for yesterday - two entries in one day - yikes, but got interupted so I'll catch up now.

Day 19 went pretty well. The luncheon meeting was actually fine even though they had a very rich entree and dessert. They had fettucinni alfredo with grilled chicken, but it was more chicken than pasta and only a small amount of the alfredo sauce with lots of vegetables, too. The pasta just didn't appeal to me so I ate mostly the chicken and 2-3 bites of broccoli because I couldn't really scrape the sauce off the the vegetables. I didn't like the salad they served before hand and I told myself that the choc cake with choc icing looked dry and asked the waitress to take away before I had a chance to really talk myself into any of it. The rest of the day was OK eating AND............dramatic build up here..........I screwed up the courage to actually weigh myself at my friends house ('cause remember, I don't own a scales)her scales were very nice - digital and weighs in tenths of pounds. Well, I weighed 163.2 lbs on them.....now that being said I used 170 as my start weight but I really don't know what my weight is because I didn't allow my doctor to actually tell me what my weight was. I suspect it might have been slightly over 170, but what the heck. It's a starting point. So.....that means I have lost AT LEAST 6.8 pounds-maybe more. I won't weight for at least 2 more weeks. So that's that.

Menus for the day were:

B: Granola Bar Coffee

S: None

L: Grilled Chicken Breast (small)

S: Light Lays Potato Chips - Individual size bag 2 Clementines

D: 2 Slices of Corned Beef Blackberry Yogurt

S: Granola Bar

I have found the most delicious granola bars that fit pretty well into my plan. 140 calories 2.5 g fat and 14 g sugars (kind of high on sugar). They are by Caribou Coffee and simply delicious. Who says sensible eating has to be boring!?!?!

Thanks so much to all who posted on my diary. We're all in this together aren't we? One thing I might not have mentioned is that I am talking to NO ONE about my eating plan. I kind of like having this as my little secret, but today two people told me I looked like I have lost weight. I just shrugged and said - "Maybe....." How about that.

Hang in there everyone. Have a Blessed Day! Holly

Progress as of today: 6.8 lbs lost so far, only 13.2 lbs to go!

greengirl on 10/04/2006:
Congratulations on the brilliant weightloss!!!! I admire your determination. I havent told my workmates either as I know they would try to make me eat stuff I don't want to, on the grounds that I shouldn't deprive myself. A couple have commented that I am looking well recently, but havent realised it's because i'm loosing weight. Keep up the good work :)

wannabmeagain on 10/04/2006:
good job resisting the cake! i dont like to tell anyone im trying to lose weight either, they either tell me i dont need to (how sweet, but i dont need to hear that), or they try to push food on me. maybe alot of us are that way? but anyway, good job.

WorkingIt on 10/04/2006:
Great job! I can't wait to see what your official weigh-in weight is!

WorkingIt on 10/04/2006:

hollybelle - Tuesday Oct 03, 2006

Weight: 0.0

2inthemorning on 10/03/2006:
Hey there! I found you and read back a bit with your progress. You have great determination with all you are going through! It's great you have a support system. I wish I had someone to walk with...I should focus on that! I thought I was going to need a hysterectomy last December. The doctor did a hystoscope procedure and found 8 year old placenta tissue causing all my problems. I highly recommend getting a doctor that wants to really know whats going on before a major surgery. I was diagnosed with everything from pcos-fibroids-you name it! I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you so much for your support! Heather

hollybelle - Tuesday Oct 03, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 18 was ok. Walked for 50 minutes with neighbor in the a.m. and lifted weights with co-worker at lunch. All in all pretty good day my TOM symptoms were better later in the day and seem better today, too. I have appointment with GYN doc 10/31. We'll see how that goes.

Menus for the day were:

B: WW Pita with 1 oz string cheese (YUM) Coffee

S: None

L: Parfait

S: 100 Cal pack of Fudge Stripe cookies (YUM) D: WW Pita with Tuna Salad 2 Clementines (tangerines) YUM YUM

S: 2 Clementines 1 Cinn Raisin Englis Muffin with spray butter

Have a monthly meeting of professional association of which I am officer so can't miss it - they have fixed lunch menu. I will NOT be hungry when I get there, eat what is healthy on the plate and hand over the lucious dessert they always have to the waitress BEFORE I am tempted. Thanks for all your comment, everyone. Have a Blessed Day! Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

monet0239 on 10/03/2006:
you have a blessed day as well :O).. hugs

Moody on 10/03/2006:
Thats right, you tell yourself what you WILL and WON'T do! It works wonders!! Truly it does! And your menu looks YUMMY! Keep it up holly!!!!

WorkingIt on 10/03/2006:
Great job with the exercise! Glad to see that you are feeling a little better =)

sweetpea1977 on 10/04/2006:
Wow, you are doing really well. I especially like your plan for the upcoming meeting - sounds awesome!

hollybelle - Monday Oct 02, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 17 came and went and I think I did OK on my healthy eating, mostly. I never did make it for a walk, but I pulled some weeds in the yard and did lauddry-which was more than I really felt like doing.

I did go for a walk for 50 minutes with my neighbor this morning, though. Didn't feel like had the energy, but was OK. She is pretty tolerent of what ever speed we need to go.

Menus for the day were:

B: 2 Eggs Scrambled 2 slices of Turkey Bacon - Yuck! Coffee

S: None

L: 1 C Turkey Chili 10 Corn Chips 1 Pineapple Parfait

S: Pretzels with 1T Peanut Butter

D: 1/2 C Turkey Chili S: 1 large Corn Muffin w/syrup Need to go to grocery and get some fruit and vegetables. That will make it better for choices. I look back and see I tend to eat the same thing over and over. I never did mide doing that as long as there were fruits and vegetables in there. Makes for easy preparaton if you don't mind eating the same thing over and over and no food choice anxiety (which is a big problem for some - that's why those diets with the weight-loss drinks are so popular). Variety, howver, is the spie of life!

Thanks to everyone who posted on my diary from yesterday. Keeps me motivated and I am feeling just a little down about a few situations today - daughter's school work, husband's job situation, possible move to NC - which would be fine except daughter loves her school. Everybody says it won't kill her and I know it won't but with all the anxiety problems she has I'm concerned it is just not the best thing at this point in our lives. Well, prayer works wonders....please keep us in yours! Have a Blessed Day everyone! Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

monet0239 on 10/02/2006:
Just wanted to pop over and say Have a great day!!... hugss

wannabmeagain on 10/02/2006:
good job on the walking today. i sometimes dread it too, feel sluggish, but after im done i usually have alot more energy all day. i hope everything turns out for you, its harder to make decisions when it effects the kids. hope your feeling better soon!

WorkingIt on 10/02/2006:
Sorry to read that you are having a tough go of things right now, nice to see that you do have those beautiful positives mixed in. I hope you feel better soon, and I have days when I just don't feel like walking..perfectly understandable with all you are going through. I wish better days for you and your family!

hollybelle - Monday Oct 02, 2006

Weight: 0.0

hollybelle - Sunday Oct 01, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 16 was OK. I didn't and still don't feel very well. My TOM which is VERY difficult see previous posts on possible hysterectomy. I slept about 2 hours instead of walking :( but I just can't help it. I hardly did anything. I did Ok with food choices, I think. I probably ate too much cornbread w/syrup in the evening, but considering what I could have/usually eat at this time of the month I did wonderful. I need to plan what to have today or I will probably over eat. Rachel is still asleep! She does that more and more, I think. It's about time she slept like a teenager, I guess. I have heard from other parents of teens that their kids sleep until noon on weekends. Rachel never has done that. She had a cold that hung on for about three weeks and had a hard time getting over it so took her to Dr. Thursday and she seems better after RX antibiotics and inhaler. We try never to use antibiotics because have found most things will be better in a week, but this had gone into her chest/lungs. She was having hard time dancing but said she was better.

Cooked scrambled eggs and turkey bacon for me and Mark this a.m. He ate left over cornbread - but I had my fill of the cornbread last night. I didn't care for the turkey bacon - tasted so artificial. This was the pre-cooked kind you just heat up in the microwave. Yuck. Probably won't have that again. I have had the kind you buy uncooked in the packets like real bacon and cooked it in microwave and it's a little better. Oh, well, we don't eat any kind of bacon often enough for it to be a problem. The Chili I made with ground turkey was good. I actually liked it better than with gr beef because it was easier to digest. Will try to make myself go for at least a short walk and do laundry and clean bathrooms today - for sure. Whew!

Menus for yesterday were:

B: Oatmeal w/Br sugar splenda and Fench Van. Coffee Creamer (this was EXCELLENT) don't use too much of the coffee creamer - it's VERY RICH and it was the low carb (sugar) kind, too Coffee

S: None

L: 1/2 Roast Beef Sandwich with 1/2 slice Havarti Cheese (I wish Mark had bought Swiss, but what a wonderful indulgence)

S: Granola Bar

D: 1 C Turkey Chili 2 Corn Muffins w/Syrup

S: 1 Corn Muffin 6 oz 1% milk (Mark won't buy Skim and he did the grocery shopping this week)

Needed more Vegetables and Fruit! Will work on it. That's what I get for not doing the grocery shopping.

I feel so bloated from my TOM. I will be so glad when that is over and I get that slimmer feeling back. I must say I was starting to enjoy it. I wore a pair of very light colored jeans on Friday that used to be the tightest thing I ever wore and they practically fell off! I loved pulling them up all day - ha! If I eat healthy all through it I know there will be a big pay off - BUT....I have to remind myself that teh weight loss is just a by-product. The main reason for my changes is HEALTH! I don't want to get too caught up in the weight thing. I tend to link that up with all the wrong things in my head (STILL) and I don't want to do that. HEALTH is most important and that includes MENTAL HEALTH!!

Am skipping Sunday School/Church today. Want to still spend time for spiritual growth, though, so will read from a book I have been working on. In the meantime - have a Blessed Day everyone! Holly

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Moody on 10/01/2006:
Sorry you're not feeling so hot; hopefully you will feel better soon. I remember those days well. I had a hysterectomy when I was 33 (due to endometriosis) and so it's been many years since I have experienced the bloats and cravings that used to hit me every month.

Congrats on the pants being so loose!! Isn't that a great feeling?? Shows that all your hard work is paying off!

Thanks for your comment you left me yesterday; I am going to see a tutor this week; I should've done it earlier but was hoping I would be ok without one. What was I thinking? LOL

Take care and have a relaxed Sunday.. =)

breakaway on 10/01/2006:
I think your menu looks really good and i agree with working on the fruits and veggies...that's my biggest problem too. I sure hope you feel better soon and good to see yoru still going to work on that walk even tho your not feeling 100 percent! Your a great inspiration to us slackers who use that as an excuse! Great job!

hollybelle - Saturday Sep 30, 2006
(Healthy Eating and Exercise)
Weight: 170.0

Day 15 was OK not very hungry but felt like I "should" be. Kind of ate weird in the evening - had fast food - Taco Bell because that is what Mark (husband) wanted. Oh, well 2 beef tacos - no sour cream. they tasted pretty good, but I wasn't "thrilled " by them. Kind of wished I was eating something healthier.

The weekends I usually fix desserts and lots of food for family. I think will make chili with ground turkey - easier on digestion and lo fat cornbread and lots of vegetables. I have collard greens and have been wanting some squash. Yes - I am from the south. Then maybe the FF SF banana bread and some FF SF chocolate pudding or vanilla pudding with fruit sounds good. Basically we don't HAVE to have dessert. Can't believe I am saying that!

Menus for the day were:

B: 4 RF Vanilla Wafers w/1 teaspoon Peanut Butter Coffee

S: None

L: WW Pita w/2 Slices of Roast Beef 1 C Chicken & Dumpling Soup

S: Special K Bar

D: Popcorn - 3 Cups 2 Taco Bell Beef Tacos - regular

S: Root Beer Pop 6 RF Vanilla Wafers Special K Bar

Kind of Junked out in the evening. Calories were probably not too bad. Tacos jumped up the fat content MAJOR. Oh, well factored in with the whole week it isn't so bad. I really need to walk today. Will try to walk an hour and a half.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

WorkingIt on 09/30/2006:
My mother loves southern food dishes, and she isn't from the south LOL Glad to see that you factor in the entire week and not just one day! YAY!

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