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innerpeace - Friday Feb 24, 2006
(Whatever works)
Weight: 261.0

OMG I cant believe it has been forever since I have put a journal entry here. I started a diet and lost 20 pounds. But then I lost my job and went on numerous interviews, only to be denied a job. What a freakin morale buster that is. First they laugh in your face, then they ask when you can start and then they say how wonderful your qualifications are, but I never once got a call back or job offer. I know it has to do with my appearance, I know it, I know it!! So anyway, surprisingly I was offered a job, havent decided if I like it or not but it gives me a paycheck so I guess I may stay for awhile.

And then, stupid Sonic comes out with a Sweetheart blast and I have one and then I have another and I think I ate one everyday day for a week and a half. I had to say. Come on Jo Ann, are ya trying to kill yourself? But I know it (food) is my drug of choice. I love food, I love chocolate and candy and all things sweet and creamy and I am an ADDICT! I think I would rather scrape the taste buds off of my tongue than deal with my weight problem.

I have gym membership but I am ashamed to go, I just know everyone is watching me. I cant get up in the morning to go, because I cant get my fat ass out of the bed. I set my alarm in another room. I got out of bed, turned of the alarm and climbed right back in and slept. I was even saying Jo Ann you got up out of bed, at least do something..walk away the pounds, tae bo or something But no, the bed won this argument by saying, remember how soft and warm I am. You Bet!! Crawled right back in and slept for another hour. I have plans though, great plans and come March 1, 2006 I will implement them. Right now, Im psyching myself up!

I hope you all have a great weekend. IP

Short term goal: I will be 39 on July 28, so I would like to lose 39 pounds by then..more would be great.

innerpeace - Monday Nov 07, 2005

Weight: 0.0

innerpeace - Monday Nov 07, 2005

Weight: 0.0

innerpeace - Tuesday Aug 23, 2005

Weight: 0.0

innerpeace - Friday Jan 14, 2005

Weight: 270.0

Just came back from the store stocking up for my life journey. What they say is true...everything you need is on the sides and back of the supermarket. I had to go down two aisles one get some wheat bread and the other for some rice. Everything else was in the fruit/vegtable area and the meat area.

I'm kinda nervous about starting this because I want IT so bad and I don't want to let myself down...and I know how hard it will be. Here's to tomorrow and all the next days to come.

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 13, 2005

Weight: 270.0

I�d rather not say!

What the hell is that, some cop out, lame ass phrase someone came up with? Anyway, I put my profile and name out on a personals page and was talking to someone. My profile distinctly says, hey, I�m not Barbie or some hot babe, cover girl model and if that�s what you are looking for drive on! Or basically don�t waste my time. So once I post my picture our communication was closed with the reason �I�d rather not say�. Well you my friend were not God�s gift to women with your big ass nose and pock marked face. Men are so shallow; I swear to God, I�ll hate them for the rest of my life.

That little phrase reminds me of �Results not typical� so it all depends on how hard you work and hard bad you want it! It being the mystical question of life. What is IT? How do you go about getting IT? Can you buy IT in the store or find IT at the corner market? Well after watching the finale of �The Biggest Loser� and talking myself out of sending my application to appear on the show I decided to take my IT into my own hands. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. My IT is to lose weight, to try IT again and see just how bad I want IT. So I recruited my best friend and will begin IT on January 15, 2005. I have to psyche myself up and prepare for the monumentous event. I have decided to start the Hilton Head Metabolism Diet again. I have been on this before (low fat, low calorie diet) and lost about 40 pounds and IT does work, you just have to stay with IT. I have a schedule to keep or an agenda per se. Friday (payday) � go to store and purchase items on shopping list. Saturday � I talked my friend into taking before photos of me and I must admit she has got to be a true friend to even consider seeing me in my underwear. God Bless her soul. Saturday is the official start day. Because I am off work for three days and won�t feel the pressure of everyone at work asking me if I�m going upstairs to eat in the cafeteria. NO. That will give me time to prepare my lunch for Tuesday and not have to worry about what I will say to my saboteurs at work. I will have plenty of time to utilize one or many of my dust collectors in my garage: crossbow, elliptical trainer and treadmill along with the collection of videos and DVDs: Taibo, Sweatin� to the Oldies, Walk away the pounds, Pilates and Power 90 that I have spent many precious dollars on. So this is IT, this is my time and I have accepted my assignment with intestinal fortitude, I need no TV show or national audience when I can do this on my own for me. Anyway, I will post on here as often as I can; I am busier at work than usual. I hope you all have many great successes. Jo Ann

TheMother on 01/13/2005:
Loved your entry!!!! It made me laugh but also think. I agree wholeheartedly with what you've said about IT and trying to answer the age-old question as to what "IT" is. Here's to your success in finding IT - one day at a time. Look forward to reading your posts and following your progress.


stringbean on 01/13/2005:
Sounds like you have a plan! lol about your friend taking pics of you in your underwear... you're braver than I am! (I wouldn't shoot down any friends asking me, but I wouldn't be the asker!)

Good luck in your journey! Sounds like you want IT pretty bad!


feeleebubs on 01/13/2005:
Grrrr...men are real twits. You're better than that Jo Ann. You will definately do this. I can see that. Best of luck to you! I know you'll do great if you stick with it and don't let twits like that guy get you down.

innerpeace - Thursday Oct 28, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 270.0

Hi all, though I can�t find time to write in my diary very often, I still constantly struggle with my weight. One of these days I�ll actually get serious about shedding some pounds. Today, um, let�s see I want to lose weight because I want to go to my son�s high school graduation next year and actually look great. The fact that I will probably have to see my ex-husband has absolutely nothing to do with it. Yeah right!

We got word, at my bank, that our services will not longer be needed effective 1 October next year. Thanks to technology and the new Check 21 bill that became effective today the check writing volume as declined so much that all little city volume will be directed to larger cities. Our volume will be going all the way to Dallas. We do have an opportunity to relocate, but picking up and moving, just for a job, is such a big step. I think about losing weight to at least be presentable when I have to go job interviewing again.

The bank is paying for us to be retrained and will pay our college tuition up to a point. So back to school I go!! That is another reason why I haven�t been able to write. BUT because I have other obligations to myself and others I feel it is time for me to once again put my weight loss efforts to the top of my priority list. Won�t it be grand to one day never have to worry about it again. I started watching those participants on �The Biggest Loser� and I�m thinking. Wow, that girl is big, bigger than I am and I weigh almost 50 pounds more.

Exercise is my biggest demon. Somehow I will try to incorporate this into my life�if there�s a will, they must be a way.

I hope you all have continued success. IP

geevee on 10/28/2004:
The worry and concern never end! I've lost 40 pounds, am not overweight anymore yet I must be constantly vigilant or I could lose the whole thing and regain every pound I lost. Losing the weight is just the beginning. The hardest part is keeping it off. This is not an easy battle. I just wanted to prepare you.

innerpeace - Wednesday Jun 23, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 270.0

"It's not how good you are, it's how bad you want it" lyrics to a song that motivates me. I still don't have the motivation I need, it comes somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart & soul and some days it is just to far to go.

I started reading a "Purpose Driven Life" I made a committment to start a 40 day spiritual journey, I see if I can apply it to my weight loss struggles as well. I think, no I know this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

"Results not typical" is another phrase that just blows my mind. I'm desperately trying to find the thing in my mind that makes me turn off the alarm clock and go back to sleep. I was speaking casually to a psychologist and he was explaining that it was a subconscience thing that sometimes, your body doesn't he hear it but you still reach over and turn the clock off. I need to relearn that and get up with the dumb thing goes off. On days when I absolutely, positively have to get up, I don't have a problem.

I watched some video tape of the picnic I went to on Sunday, and at first glimce, I'm thinking OH, my GAWD I can't believe that is me, because that was not the same person I see in a mirror, isn't it funny have your mind plays tricks on you? But the camera never lies. I wish everyone many news successes. IP

pianomamma on 06/24/2004:
Everything you wrote speaks to me. You certainly are not alone in your thoughts and during this hard process. -Nicole

innerpeace - Tuesday Jun 22, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 270.0

Hi all. I gained a few pounds back, I�m surprised it wasn�t more, since I distinctly remember how I reverted back into old eating habits and no exercise. I just get in these ruts where I start feeling sorry for myself and I have always been told that �misery loves company�.

A few days ago I wore this pair of panties to work that are so comfortable, but they tend to slide down, not because I lost weight and they are just so big but because the elastic is about worn out (so men are not the only one�s who keep old under ware). I was walking to my car in the parking garage, when my panties just slid all the way down, as far as they could with slacks on. I�m not into G-strings, so this was a new sensation for me, having my slacks actually touching my butt with no hindrance. What a magnificent feeling to have walking down the street. I was so thrilled by it, I laughed out loud. Actually guffawed loud enough that the man on the other side of the street looked at me like I was positively daft, which in turn made me laugh all the more.

I have some questions. Firstly, I wore a skirt today at work and when I went to the bathroom, I had a dilemma about whether to lift it up and go or pull it down and go. Is there a right way? (I should state that I do not have nylons on, because I�m sure that would have made a difference) Does it matter?

Secondly, I keep having dreams about my ex-husband. How am I supposed to get on with my life and be happy, if he is forever popping up in my dreams? I have faced that fact that I love him more now than when we were married, how do you explain that and better yet how do you get over it?

I hope you all have a great day. IP

feeleebubs on 06/23/2004:
lol You made me laught today :) I have no idea what the right way to use the potty with a skirt on is. I've always been curious though. Seems pullin it up is the easiest, but my guess is that pulling it down is the most propor.

innerpeace - Thursday Jun 17, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 267.0

Hi all. I can�t report that I lost anymore because I didn�t go and face the scale this last week. Call me a coward, but I just couldn�t hear the lady behind the counter tell me I had a bad week. Like I don�t already know that and today as been a bad day. I am slowly slipping back in the wasteful lifestyle I led before and I was doing so well. Last night I went home and sat on the couch until it got dark and then I went to bed. On the good week I would at least make an attempt to exercise.

I was on my way to work this morning and had to wait on a train. I am going to start a new business called HOBO Tours. The gist is you pay your fare and the train slows down just enough for you to run and hop on and you go to where ever it takes you. Of course once you get on it won�t be a primitive set up, it would be comfortable and be very plush. I just want to take off and leave my life for awhile.

Tonight I am going with eleven others from work to play in the United Way Pacesetter games. It is sort of a wacky Olympic type thing, should be fun, but it is supposed to be up to 95 something.

I also want to say thank you to Kayla and her phrase �I have also found out that there are good days and there are not so good days...and then there are some bone crushing horror filled days...� I cannot put into words how much her phrase meant to me. It was just that little nudge you need when you really want to do something but don�t have the nerve or energy to take that first big step. Thanks for getting me on the right track again. I will succeed in this and I will go and weigh in at weight watchers Monday, whether or not I gained or lost. I will listen to the lady behind the counter tell me that �I had a bad week�

I hope you all have a great day. IP

borntocry on 06/18/2004:
Sometimes you just have to force yourself to exercise, especially when you're having a bad day. I hate exercise so I know what it's like. Sometimes I tell myself I'll just do two minutes. Usually by the time I get started I feel a bit better and can manage more than that.

pianomamma on 06/22/2004:
I have two young boys who share a bathroom with me at my house.. I tend to pull up my skirt so it doesn't hit the floor. You never know if the one who used it before you hit or missed! lol On a more serious note. I've just gone through a divorce. The one thing that has helped me a lot when it was at its most stressful, was to put myself deeper into my weight loss journey. The heaviest I ever was was around 300 lbs. After a bad eating/no exercise day I wanted to give up too. But what I started to do was to make sure if I had a bad eating day, I would do a little more exercise, and watch everything I eat. It was sucessful and brought me down to 128 lbs. (before I gained 67 back from my divorce) My key is to allow for bad days, and get back on that horse the next day, and not to let myself have two bad days in a row. Good luck, You'll do it.

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