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innerpeace - Monday Mar 31, 2003

Weight: 271.0

I am certainly going in the wrong direction. I did go an start weight watchers AGAIN. Third time's a charm and just maybe I will stick to it.

I have a problem getting off the couch, if I didn't know better I would say it's magnetized to my butt.

I have worries of being deployed...how scarey...maybe that's why I keep gaining weight. If I get so big, I'd be a health risk and wouldn't have to go, not to mention the fact that I can't wear my uniform. My dad told me to eat pizza and drink beer. Thanks Dad, love your support!

I have to rant...I was at weight watchers and saw a girl I graduated highschool with. I told her I had only been in the area the last 5 years because I had joined the military after school. She asked why I got out...just because I'm FAT. She says, oh you are not. Ok I've just gained 100 pounds and I'm sitting at a weight watchers meeting so DUH.

What does 'results not typical' mean? I see that on every kind of advertisements for diet pills, exercise equipment or new fad for weight reduction. So I'm guessing it really means...comeon sucker...give us your money.

Y'all have a good day.

BandMom on 03/31/2003:
Hi! I hope you don't have too go!I have missed you! Hugs and smiles. bandmom

willloose on 03/31/2003:
Hello was reading your entries. Dont worry just start fresh. I just started last week and am currently doing 30 minutes of walking and waching what I eat (no I have decieded I am not going to punish myself by not having food. I eat healthy try not to eat out, try to eat before I leave the house and yes I cheated! had ICE CREAM! could not resist but DID NOT go back for more). Lost 3lbs in week # 1 drank plenty of water. Let us know if you need any help or encouragment. AND GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO IT ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

Golightly on 04/01/2003:
Hi Innerpeace. Looks like you haven't lost your sense of humour! FYI, I think my butt may be magnetized too...

I HATE when people tell me I am not fat. Do they think I am blind? Am I supposed to be flattered by that obvious insincere statement?

Hmmm ... that "results not typical" statement sounds mighty fishy. Actually, it sounds a little like my love-life!

We are all going to keep our fingers crossed that you are not deployed. We'd miss you!

innerpeace - Monday Jan 06, 2003

Weight: 255.0

Had a pretty good weekend, stayed indoors by myself and have become very intimate with my CrossBow. I actually went to the store and bought healthy food instead of going through a quick and convenient drive through.

I need to work on drinking water, I'm just so addicted to diet coke. This week will be miserable, and of course with a miserable week comes an even worse weekend...DRILL, what a dreadful thought. Last month I bailed and will have to do two extra days this month. I hate wishing my life away, but I do so want it to be August 2005.

Hope you all have a successful day. Jo Ann

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 02, 2003

Weight: 255.0

I didn't eat too much yesterday, which is good. BUT I ate two helpings of pasta. I think I eat to much carbs, I have to find a way to cut them back. I had to quit buying bread, that is a #1 killer for me. I did drink over 64 oz of water though, which is good for me, I'm usually sucking down diet coke all day.

Did the Leslie Sansonne 2 miles last night, will do it again tonight and add my crossbow exercises.

I hope you all had a great a memorable New Year's Day. Jo Ann

Grayjay on 01/06/2003:
Hi, I know what you're talking about when you talk about your Mom. I decided that I wasn't going to tell her that I was working on my weight this time. It's way to hard to have to deal with her pressure as well as the pressure I put on myself. Hang in there. The most important thing is that you are doing this for you. That's the most important thing to hang on to that will keep you going. You can do this!! Deb

innerpeace - Tuesday Dec 31, 2002

Weight: 255.0

A New ME in 2003! That's my motto. Tonight I volunteered to sell Opening Night buttons for work. I will probably go play cards after that. I'm not one to drink and party, the hangover just isn't worth it. I told my mother I was starting another life style change, she said, she was tired of hearing about it. GEE thanks Mom, I need your support. She just says, do something about it, sure that sounds so easy. I worked out on my new Crossbow again last night, I think I like it.

My team plays in the Rose Bowl tomorrow and I will definately be watching that. Go SOONERS! That reminds me, school starts back on the 20th.

I hope you all have a great new year. Jo Ann

inmorning on 12/31/2002:
I am sorry your mom isn't as supportive as you need her to be. Isn't it great that you have another place of support and people that fall down just like you do? Best wishes to you and here's to a New YOU in 2002 (just kidding) Here's to the NEW ME in 2003 plan. Take care.

Kerry79 on 01/01/2003:
Sounds like you're off to a good start already, Jo Ann. Hope 2003 is great for you and you prove your Mom wrong. Kerry x

innerpeace - Monday Dec 30, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I guess it's time for another New Year's resolution. This year I have decided to concentrate on my mental and physical health and maybe the weight loss will fall right on in line. I dream of the day I can wake up and not worry about how much I way or what I look like, gee I can't remember NOT doing that at least since high school.

I'll use my Christmas present which is a Crossbow weight machine, it's really nifty and is sitting right in front of my TV, so I can look at it and not feel guilty about not using it.

I have been living in a constant fear of being activated. I really don't want to go back to a foreign country, I wish everyone would just be nice for once.

Hope you all had a great holiday and will have a joyful and safe New Year!

mom of 4 on 12/31/2002:
I just wanted to say ,"hello".I pray you all the things you desire will come to you.

Zeppy on 12/31/2002:
Hmm, I can relate to that dream. I've been struggling with this 'issue' (weight) since I was 12. That's 11 yrs. FAR TOO LONG. 2003 is the year all will be resolved. I'm positively determined. Take care and take it a day at a time.

innerpeace - Tuesday Nov 19, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I didn't get the job I interviewed for. I'm not to disappointed, but I will always wonder why. Was it because I'm fat and don't look presentable to them? Sometimes I get so disgusted with myself, I know I have made my own personal hell.

There is a girl in my class who is I'm going to say bigger than I am because at least I don't waddle when I walk, but she looks like she's in so much pain all the time. But my vision and thinking is so obscurred we're probably the same size. I've stooped so low as to try and compare how she looks in the chairs and then how I do, my hips aren't hanging over the edges so I guess I'm going to say she's bigger than I am. I'm in denial, I have mental problems about food. I don't want to exercise because it hurts something on my body. I need to find some mental blockage techniques, or find something to get me out of this haze I'm in.

I thought I had dealt with this, but I guess not. Something always brings it back to the surface. I do have my own private pity parties too, I've even looked on the internet for Bariatric surgery options, but that to me seems like the last resort, I feel like I still have some hope for me, I just have to dig down deep and find it somewhere. I remember in basic training, our drill instructors kept yelling at us that we had no 'intestinal fortitude' (guts) because we kept giving up to easily at a difficult task we were given. This has become the biggest challenge in my life and again I have no intestinal fortitude, endurance, willpower, or all the stuff you need to loose weight.

I'm going to ponder awhile and write more later. I hope all of you have a better day, than mine has started out to be. JO Ann

CharlieAngel on 11/20/2002:
Jo Ann!

If you can make it through basic training then you can accomplish anything! When I graduated from Basic I felt like I had just achieved the impossible. For me, it is a matter of just putting one foot in front of the other. Take those baby steps and stop being so hard on yourself. Take some time and list all the wonderful things about you! I am sorry that you didn't get that job and as much as I hate to say it, perhaps it was because of your weight. Being overweight is certainly the last accepted form of discrimination out there in our country. You don't hear alot of people complaining about poor treatment of fat people. I have felt that in the past after I had interviewed and was given some excuse or another that it wasn't the real reason. It was because they percieved me as not being intelligent enough, or not being able to represent the company by being a cover girl look-alike. You just hang in there sweetie. I know that you can do this....I am here for you as are many of the Diarists. YOU DO HAVE THE GUTS TO DO THIS! I will pray that you find your stride! Love you and thanks for always being there to support me! Have a super day! Charlotte

Anticaha on 11/23/2002:
I do the same thing with comparing people. When I was in college, checked out the other students in my classes to see if I was the fattest one there. I would find someone larger than myself and think, good, at least not all of the attention is on me! Just wanted you to know you're not alone, and don't beat yourself up.

innerpeace - Monday Nov 18, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I had an absolutely horrible eating weekend. When I start I always say, might as well go ahead because I can always start all over on Monday. I left work early to go to a job interview with the National Weather Service, I think it went well, hopefully I'll find out before this week is finished. Afterwards I went to Mom's house and ate chicken and dressing, cranberry sauce and green beans, which wasn't so bad until I went home and took a nap. When I woke up I went to play cards and ate some crackers and jello. Saturday morning I was feeling guilty for interviewing for the civil service job, when I like the job I have now, but the other job would be more money, but then I would have to drive further and then I have the chance of getting laid off where I'm at now because of downsizing so I was stresing trying to figure out what I'm going to do and I haven't even been offered the job. So I went to Wal-mart for washing soap and bought a box of turtles (the candy) and ate the entire box (18 pieces) throughout the day after I hate two sausage biscuits from McDonalds. I can't even imagine how much fat that is, I couldn't even bring myself to look. I did spend a great day with my Mom, we talked and played games, she likes scrabble, but I talked her into trying the new Upwords game which was OK, then we had leftovers from the chicken and dressing. And yes, I have to admit, we watch football!

Sunday, I was supposed to read and do some homework. RIGHT!! that didn't happen, I sat around and watched TV and cleaned up the house. I was sad because it is my son's birthday (Sweet 16 - do boys have a sweet 16? - What do they call it?) and everytime I tried to call El Paso there was no answer, not even a machine, what is the world coming to? I sent him a Playstation2 game he wanted, but I still would have like to talk to him. I can't believe he will be driving so if anyone is near or around El Paso, Texas please drive extra careful so my son won't get in an accident. He is so far away I can't protect him anymore.

I would try to do my homework several times but I couldn't read the material, but the subject matter just didn't appeal to me, so therefore, I will try and read it at lunch today.

Awww today. Great Monday has already started out bad. I was paranoid coming to work, thinking the guy I interview with called and talked to my supervisor here. How nerve wracking is that? If I leave I want to leave without them knowing it. Anyway, I had french toast and bacon for breakfast, what a way to start a week, but I won't let that affect my other decisions.

I hope all of you had a great weekend and have a better week. Jo Ann

cynthie on 11/18/2002:
So you made a boo-boo. Get over it. You've got so much going for you! You can't change what has already happend but you can take the present in you hands!! Plan what you will do today and work your plan! We believe in YOU!!!! God bless ~Cynthie

tabitha1971 on 11/18/2002:
Don't give up Jo Ann, you can do it..Don't let one bad weekend get ya down you have many more better ones ahead of you I am sure..hang in there & goodluck with whatever you do.

innerpeace - Friday Nov 15, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I would like to say I have been dieting and exercising but that wouldn't be the case. I have been going to school and eating, so I have gained more weight. I have joined weight watchers, again, and that seems to be working out for me. I still have to get off my butt and exercise. I was reading someone's journal - sorry - forgot whose and they were talking about not sleeping. Whew, I wish that was my problem, I can sleep anytime and anywhere. I would rather sleep than do anything else. My mom says I'm sleeping my life away. I don't see it that way, I go to many different and interesting places in my dreams, yeah, I'm avoiding life.

So, I guess I will try to return to the land of the living and stick to this program. Though I have been away, I popped in every once in awhile to read up on everyone, I'm glad most is still here and I'll have to get to know the new ones.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Jo Ann

Beth 201 on 11/15/2002:
I know what you mean. I hide myself away from the land of the living also. It is hard to get out and get moving. I have made my mind up, I really don't care what others think about my weight. I am proud that I am out there doing something to change that problem. I am always proud of heavy people out there riding bikes, skating or just walking. That makes me so proud. You hang in there. Also remember you are a very pretty person. Don't avoid life. Just out there and enjoy every min of it!! You are WORTH IT!!!! Hugs Beth :)

BandMom on 11/15/2002:
Hi! I have miss you very much!Welcome back!HUgs and smiles. You are so worth the effort!Bandmom

cynthie on 11/16/2002:
Thank God I'm not the only Prodigal Daughter out there. I'm back too InnerP .... he girl we can do this ... RIGHT? You'd better believe it. Make today yours ... by the way IP, today is now the 16th, lol. ~Cynthie

kyrin on 11/16/2002:
It's great to see you back with us again! ...I've added you to the group's Birthday List (find it in the <i>Talk It Over</i> section, under the <u>Just for Fun</u> heading).

Wishing you successes!


innerpeace - Thursday Aug 01, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 255.0

Day 2 gone. It wasn't so bad. I had a heartfelt conversation with a person I hardly know, or haven't seen in a month. It was a young guy (I say young he is about 24) he said it looked like I lost weight. Well none since he's seen me last but I didn't say that. I just said thanks, I'm trying.

I then mentioned I stayed fat because it was my security blanket. It kept me from getting close to people and getting hurt, referencing my divorce. Anyway, I probably told him too much, but it was the truth. I'm afraid to get close to people, I don't want to get hurt again, and being fat was a way I could keep my distance. Anyway, I just want to lose weight now, just to feel better.

Breakfast: Special K, 1/2 banana and 1/2 c. skim milk Lunch: boiled egg, 1/2 grapefruit and 1 piece of wheat toast Dinner: baked fish, cauliflower & broccoli, 1/2 c. rice, 1/2 orange Snack: small tossed salad, other half of orange

My legs are very sore from yesterday, but I did mow the grass. I hope everyone has a great day. Has anyone heard from Charlotte? I just worry about her, she motivates me so.

CharlieAngel on 08/02/2002:
Here I am! sorry I have not been here. Work just overwhelmed me this past few weeks. I am so much in agreement about being fat being a protective cover from hurt and pain. I, too, punished myself by staying fat to insulate myself from the the hurt that others inflict on me. Sadly, they still hurt me when I was fat, because I was fat. But I looked at that as acceptable because afterall they were just telling the truth right. NOw, I just want to be healthy and live my life to the fullest. I have learned not to care too much what other people think. I have to be happy with me first and foremost. You are on the right track. YOu can do this! I have total confidence in you! Love you and hope you have a great weekend. Love, Charlotte

cynthie on 08/04/2002:
Hi there. Girl, you are awesome! I've spent the last 30 minutes reading your diaries. I have laughed out aloud at your humor and approached tears with your pain.

If you can fight for your entire country (millions of people) surely, you can fight for yourself; One, two-hundred-fifty-something pound individual!

I need you to stick to it this time for me. I'm new at diet diaries and there is so much of your story that could be my story.

Peace & Wisdom, Cynthie

innerpeace - Wednesday Jul 31, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 255.0

WOOHOO I made it through Day 1, which is always so tough to do.

Breakfast: Special K, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup skim milk Lunch: Fruit salad with canteloupe, honeydew, strawberries and cottage cheese Dinner: baked chicken, baked potato & broccoli Dessert: strawberries and yougart Snack: Two pieces of wheat bread

I walked about 1 1/2 miles. My legs were hurting so bad, like lava falling on them. It wasn't the calf or the shin, but on the side about half way up. I had it checked out before, but they said I didn't have a problem, you know it's one of those you make up.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great day.

MichelleP on 07/31/2002:

Menu sounds great! Way to go on getting through day 1!!

Take care and have a wonderful night!

kyrin on 08/01/2002:
Hi, Jo!

Congrats on making it through Day1 in such fine fashion! 99 more to go? <i>You can do it!</i>



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