home
forums directory search about DD
Sign-in or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Horn_Of_Plenty 4:09P
Donkey 1:30P
graindart 12:58P
happy-1 11:01A
BearCountryGG 10:37A
pinklatte 5:20A
legcramps 9/21
InnerPeace 9/20
Maria7 9/16
smilewithkatie 5/28
Puddles 5/18
Duaa123. 5/03
52LivingLife 4/16
Jayhawkjen 4/14
trishpiglet3 4/12
thinkpositive 3/21
onceagain 2/01
KathyBlue 1/08
xanthe 11/28
jazzstorie 11/27
Cybermom4 10/31
jabockov 10/06
biscottibody59 9/12
tgshare 8/16
mylilsista 8/10

Recent Forum Topics
DD Future - 2017 - 12:34P 30-Apr

My First time! - 6:19P 7-Mar

Can't post replies to journal posts - 2:14P 17-Sep

WEBMASTER: Replies to comments on diary - 6:16P 12-Jul

DD Maintenance - 05/14/2015 - 2:52A 25-Jul

Shoes - 4:55P 19-Nov

view innerpeace bio page
innerpeace - Wednesday Jun 23, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 270.0

"It's not how good you are, it's how bad you want it" lyrics to a song that motivates me. I still don't have the motivation I need, it comes somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart & soul and some days it is just to far to go.

I started reading a "Purpose Driven Life" I made a committment to start a 40 day spiritual journey, I see if I can apply it to my weight loss struggles as well. I think, no I know this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

"Results not typical" is another phrase that just blows my mind. I'm desperately trying to find the thing in my mind that makes me turn off the alarm clock and go back to sleep. I was speaking casually to a psychologist and he was explaining that it was a subconscience thing that sometimes, your body doesn't he hear it but you still reach over and turn the clock off. I need to relearn that and get up with the dumb thing goes off. On days when I absolutely, positively have to get up, I don't have a problem.

I watched some video tape of the picnic I went to on Sunday, and at first glimce, I'm thinking OH, my GAWD I can't believe that is me, because that was not the same person I see in a mirror, isn't it funny have your mind plays tricks on you? But the camera never lies. I wish everyone many news successes. IP

pianomamma on 06/24/2004:
Everything you wrote speaks to me. You certainly are not alone in your thoughts and during this hard process. -Nicole



innerpeace - Tuesday Jun 22, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 270.0

Hi all. I gained a few pounds back, I�m surprised it wasn�t more, since I distinctly remember how I reverted back into old eating habits and no exercise. I just get in these ruts where I start feeling sorry for myself and I have always been told that �misery loves company�.

A few days ago I wore this pair of panties to work that are so comfortable, but they tend to slide down, not because I lost weight and they are just so big but because the elastic is about worn out (so men are not the only one�s who keep old under ware). I was walking to my car in the parking garage, when my panties just slid all the way down, as far as they could with slacks on. I�m not into G-strings, so this was a new sensation for me, having my slacks actually touching my butt with no hindrance. What a magnificent feeling to have walking down the street. I was so thrilled by it, I laughed out loud. Actually guffawed loud enough that the man on the other side of the street looked at me like I was positively daft, which in turn made me laugh all the more.

I have some questions. Firstly, I wore a skirt today at work and when I went to the bathroom, I had a dilemma about whether to lift it up and go or pull it down and go. Is there a right way? (I should state that I do not have nylons on, because I�m sure that would have made a difference) Does it matter?

Secondly, I keep having dreams about my ex-husband. How am I supposed to get on with my life and be happy, if he is forever popping up in my dreams? I have faced that fact that I love him more now than when we were married, how do you explain that and better yet how do you get over it?

I hope you all have a great day. IP

feeleebubs on 06/23/2004:
lol You made me laught today :) I have no idea what the right way to use the potty with a skirt on is. I've always been curious though. Seems pullin it up is the easiest, but my guess is that pulling it down is the most propor.



innerpeace - Thursday Jun 17, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 267.0

Hi all. I can�t report that I lost anymore because I didn�t go and face the scale this last week. Call me a coward, but I just couldn�t hear the lady behind the counter tell me I had a bad week. Like I don�t already know that and today as been a bad day. I am slowly slipping back in the wasteful lifestyle I led before and I was doing so well. Last night I went home and sat on the couch until it got dark and then I went to bed. On the good week I would at least make an attempt to exercise.

I was on my way to work this morning and had to wait on a train. I am going to start a new business called HOBO Tours. The gist is you pay your fare and the train slows down just enough for you to run and hop on and you go to where ever it takes you. Of course once you get on it won�t be a primitive set up, it would be comfortable and be very plush. I just want to take off and leave my life for awhile.

Tonight I am going with eleven others from work to play in the United Way Pacesetter games. It is sort of a wacky Olympic type thing, should be fun, but it is supposed to be up to 95 something.

I also want to say thank you to Kayla and her phrase �I have also found out that there are good days and there are not so good days...and then there are some bone crushing horror filled days...� I cannot put into words how much her phrase meant to me. It was just that little nudge you need when you really want to do something but don�t have the nerve or energy to take that first big step. Thanks for getting me on the right track again. I will succeed in this and I will go and weigh in at weight watchers Monday, whether or not I gained or lost. I will listen to the lady behind the counter tell me that �I had a bad week�

I hope you all have a great day. IP

borntocry on 06/18/2004:
Sometimes you just have to force yourself to exercise, especially when you're having a bad day. I hate exercise so I know what it's like. Sometimes I tell myself I'll just do two minutes. Usually by the time I get started I feel a bit better and can manage more than that.


pianomamma on 06/22/2004:
I have two young boys who share a bathroom with me at my house.. I tend to pull up my skirt so it doesn't hit the floor. You never know if the one who used it before you hit or missed! lol On a more serious note. I've just gone through a divorce. The one thing that has helped me a lot when it was at its most stressful, was to put myself deeper into my weight loss journey. The heaviest I ever was was around 300 lbs. After a bad eating/no exercise day I wanted to give up too. But what I started to do was to make sure if I had a bad eating day, I would do a little more exercise, and watch everything I eat. It was sucessful and brought me down to 128 lbs. (before I gained 67 back from my divorce) My key is to allow for bad days, and get back on that horse the next day, and not to let myself have two bad days in a row. Good luck, You'll do it.



innerpeace - Wednesday Jun 09, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 267.0

Hi all. Down another 2 pounds. I didn�t do very good over the holiday weekend. I didn�t exercise for some reason. I just didn�t feel like it. When you know a combination of things work to help you loose weight, what is it that makes you stray away from it? This is sure a slow process and ten pounds never quite seem so far away.

It has been raining on and off all day, grass will grow and that means I will get some sort of exercise if I ever convince myself to mow the grass. Sunday is our company picnic so I will be going to the zoo and walking around. My life is just boring, I tell ya.

I hope you all have a great day. IP

pianomamma on 06/09/2004:
Yes.. the same thing happens to me. I KNOW exactley what I have to do to lose weight, but some days I just can't bring myself to do it. What IS with that? I just try to make more days of the week good ones, and that helps.



innerpeace - Tuesday Jun 01, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 269.0

What a weekend. Was very good with food, very bad with exercise. I couldn't get in the groove. I admire all of you who actually get up and do it first thing in the mornings. I guess I could quit my job and concentrate on exercise. If things were just so easy.

I left the house last night to go shopping for clothes. I found a bunch of outfits and even carried some around the store, but at the last minute, I put it all back and decided to wait until I lose more weight and then go and buy the really cute stuff. I'll just keep wearing the same stuff to work. No one has seemed to mind yet.

I missed my weigh in yesterday, because my WW store was closed. That's OK, I'm still on tract with weight loss and next week will show and even bigger loss.

I hope you all have a great week and a better summer! IP

yamahaflutist on 06/01/2004:
Hi! I just started Weight Watchers and I noticed we are about the same weight. If you have any pointers, tips, or ideas about Weight Watchers I would be very happy to hear them! Maybe we can help each other?!

-J

yamaha_flutist@yahoo.com



innerpeace - Friday May 28, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 269.0

I went shopping for some shirts last night. I walked around the entire store and stopped and picked up a movie size box of reeses pieces. I put them back then walked around the aisle and picked up some yogart covered raisons. I compared the fat/calorie content, would you believe, about the same. I kept the yogart covered raisons, my three tops and went to the check out. I stould there and waited for the cashier to ring me up. When he took my shirts I told him I picked up the yogart raisons, but didn't want them anymore. So he took them and put them behind the counter. Yeah for me! Nasty little troll was up on my shoulder, but he was satisfied with just carrying them to the counter.

I then did something I haven't done ever. I went into a restaurant and ate by myself. I have social/anxiety issues and usually won't go anywhere outside my house alone. I actually went into Souper! Salad yesterday and ate alone in a booth. I was quite anxious at first, but then I realized no one cared whether I was alone or followed by a whole big entourage.

Three-day weekend coming up. I am planning on going to a hike around one of the local lakes. Total distance around is 9.1 miles. I usually weigh in on Mondays, but my WW office is closed for the holiday.

I have been eating lots of salad lately. They are easy to make and I tried the Martha's Vineyard salad from Arbys. It is awesome. I hope you all have a great long weekend. "some people dream of success...while we wake up and work hard at it" IP

Crittermama on 05/28/2004:
Great job with the candy thing!! Congratulations on eating alone in the restaraunt!! You should be VERY proud of that accomplishment!! Good luck on the hike too. That sounds like loads of fun! I love the quote at the end of your entry. That is so right! Time to wake up!



innerpeace - Tuesday May 25, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 269.0

Weighed in last night. Great results, I received my first 5 pound star last night. I clapped for myself, I was excited I made it this far. I haven't stayed with WW this long before. The last time I joined I was at 271, I went back for two weeks. The second week I gained and never went back.

I wish I could say this was easy, but I struggle with making the right choices. I look back and remember how driving through the drive through was so easy and convenient. I miss those days when I wouldn't have to cook or worry about cleaning up. I miss ordering a large pizza and eating all but two pieces. The two pieces would be for breakfast the next morning. I miss sitting on my sofa and not moving....I miss pasta. But I snap out of it and remember that's what got me to this point in the first place.

I have been keeping busy. Over the weekend I stayed busy and I actually socialized with people. Friday I went to a club/bar (which I never ever do) and listened to my friend's cousin play in a band. It was pretty good, very loud though. I drank 2 beers and I didn't feel guilty. Saturday, I worked all day in the yard, walked through the park and went to a baseball game at night. There I had 2 pieces of pizza and a small dip of ice cream. Again I didn't feel guilty. Needless to say, despite not feeling guilty, I had reservations about getting on the scale. So I am convinced that as long as I stay within my point range and exercise I will lose weight, regardless of how I spend my points.

I switched to TaiBo and that made me sweat but last night I mowed the front & back yard and did WATP 2 mile tape. I know that I have to keep up my exercise.

I hope you all have many great successes...no matter how small! "Success does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." IP

kelton on 05/25/2004:
Good Going...it really does work if you stick with it. I am going back to weigh in tomorrow for the umpteenth time but if I follow it I always lose...keep it up!


ldsgirl on 05/25/2004:
YOU ARE DOING AWESOME!!! I miss those things too. It seems like I have been constantly mobile since starting this whole weight loss thing. I feel alot of guilt if I don't have anything to do to keep me busy. I admire your ability to stick with it.



innerpeace - Thursday May 20, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 271.2

Hi all. Down another 2 pounds. I missed getting my next 5 pound gold star by .6 pounds. How lame is that. I know I will get it next week though. I have still been dealing with the person who stole my purse. She even used my SSN number to get a wireless phone. When I called the phone company, for the second time, they finally took my SSN out of their system, whatever that means. However, they ensured me it wouldn�t happen again. But the stupid customer service lady, gave me the address she used. Not a good thing to have, especially if I get totally pissed one day. I also wrote a letter to the DA, because I can�t believe they haven�t done anything yet. I have her picture and address, just go apprehend the hussy and put her in jail. But no, they would rather investigate stolen plastic lawn flamingos, damaged urinals at a gas station and vandalized trees. Yes, I would definitely say, they have their priorities straight. NOT.

I went to a play/act Tuesday night �Late Nite Catechism� it was pretty funny, I�m sure it would have been more funny if I was Catholic. The audience really made the show and the actress really interacted well. I didn�t exercise that night or last night. I was just so tired, I figure I would give my body a 2 day rest, but I will start again tonight. I actually felt bad for not exercising, but I feel much better today.

I hope yall have many great successes. Have a great day! �Go over, go under, go around or go through. But never, ever give up.� IP

ldsgirl on 05/21/2004:
You impress and inspire me so much!!!



innerpeace - Monday May 17, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 273.2

Hi all. I had a great weekend. My supervisor volunteered me to play volleyball for the United Way. I went Saturday and played most of the day. Had a great time, but got to much sun. My face is so burned it will blister and peel and be all yuck. I ate two pieces of pepperoni pizza for lunch that was from Mazzio�s which was a total of 8 points but then I worked it off playing volley ball all day. After that some friends and I went to see Trace Adkins and Buddy Jewel in concert. I think Buddy Jewel stole the show, but Trace was still good AND he is a sight to look at. He can really dance and I love all his glorious hair. It was a very long day, and I can�t remember ever enjoying myself so much, in a long time. For once I wasn�t worried about my weight, I just went and played and didn�t worry what everyone thought, heck, they probably didn�t care less.

Sunday, I stayed home and did the domestic thing, wash clothes, vacuum and stuff like that. A few times I found myself just vegging on the couch. I didn�t move, I was still tired from volleyball. I did finally manage to get motivated at 7:30 and fold clothes, wash dishes and I did the WATP 3 mile tape. Tonight is another weigh in a WW, I am feeling good about it.

Yall have a great day! IP

kayla on 05/17/2004:
WAY TO GO!!! I am so glady you had fun! I am seeing that having fun is a huge key! Have a great day!!! -Kayla


chickie_maui on 05/17/2004:
It sounds like you had a lot of fun. I havent played Volleyball for soo long! Good Luck tonight :) I think you will be happy with your weigh-in.


pinkuspettuty on 05/17/2004:
Good job!! Sounds like fun, Pam


breakaway on 05/17/2004:
You know what those people probablly thought...they probablly thought 'good for her!' You did a terrific job on the exercise! volleyball is a great way to get it. And CHEERS to ANYONE who can only eat two pieces of pizza! That in itself is a great thing. Good job! Seems like you had a very great day today.



innerpeace - Thursday May 13, 2004
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 273.2

Hi all. Another pound gone. I have been having a hard time lately with issues in my life. My son went to Germany with his dad, I am so sad, he will be a grown man the next time I see him. I know he is old enough to make decisions for himself, but I still can�t help but to feel sad.

I have been divorced for almost ten years and there are no words to describe my feelings. I think lonely is only the tip of the entire iceberg. When my son was here last, he told me to �get over it, Mom�. Oh yea, that helped a lot. I wallow in the past. I know I cannot change things the whole �would�ve, could�ve, should�ve� is my motto. I just can�t seem to get passed things I did and things that happened in the past. I do talk with a therapist and tell him my thoughts and feelings but I haven�t seen any improvement.

So, I�m telling you all out there, from experience, and words from a Celine Dion song�. �when you find it, don�t let go� because you will miss it and then you wonder if you will ever lead a normal life. And then you get so depressed you can�t make yourself do anything, much less do some form of exercise and then you gain so much weight you just don�t feel like a normal person. You are on the outside looking in at people living a normal life and because you are so fat, a freak of society, you just dream of things you want and the things you once had. It is a vicious, ugly circle.

I haven�t been able to sleep well the passed few nights. I think I am emotionally traumatized from my purse being stolen. I wake up and think I hear people trying to get into my house or walking around in it. I lie there afraid to move, scared I will make noise and make them come in and attack me or something. The TV airs things that are irrelevant to me, like people getting arrested for stealing a $15 dollar pair of sunglasses or people that were caught on camera tearing a urinal off the wall. OK, well there are pictures on camera of a woman using my checkbook, spending thousands of dollars with bogus checks and they (the authorities, the police, whoever) aren�t doing a damn thing about it. Just know that the thousand dollar loss that Wal-Mart took, will probably be added to purchases that hardworking, money paying, honest people buy. I feel victimized twice.

But above all of this, I am still eating within my point range and have been exercising everyday, even when I haven�t wanted to. Maybe I�m forming a good habit, last night I thought I talked myself out of exercising, but then the longer I sat, the worse I felt, so I just got up and �did it�. I hope you all �do it� too.

Yall have a great day! IP

jenn_145 on 05/13/2004:
You WILL do it! I don't know the pain your are going through and won't even pretend that I do. But you beat it yesterday when you exercised. If you can do it on a day like yesterday, you can do it whenever you want. The biggest step for me is just putting on those tennis shoes. Once their on, there's no reason for me to not exercise. The biggest hurdle I have is putting them on. When you don't feel like it, just put on your shoes. After you've gotten that far, there's no reason not to go the whole way!! Great job on overcoming that obstacle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


kayla on 05/13/2004:
okay lets take a big deep breath!!! You are a fighter! You are like the wounded hero in the battle that keeps on fighting ... You are not mortally wounded but you are truely wounded and I believe that you need to begin assessing the damage and begin a healing plan... figure out what your options are and go from there... if moving to Germany is an option then cool if not then what is... I hate that the fraud happened but you can get some healing in that area too... you are a strong strong woman...the past is hard but you can move forward... I think a good idea is to turn off the T.V. (unless its to watch survivor((evil grin, I love that show!!))You are already doing things good for you now in baby steps its time take some more steps...give yourself a nice bath... new bath towels... new good music c.d.... you are strong! you can do this! GOOD JOB! -Kayla


Maria7 on 05/13/2004:
Hang in there...for comfort, sometimes I read Psalm 46 and it helps me feel much better, as it assures me that the Lord is watching over me, protecting me and taking care of me.


borntocry on 05/14/2004:
Hi,

I read your entry yesterday and wanted to comment but was worried about offending you.

I think you are doing the right thing by letting your son move away. He is young and it's only natural that he should want to live his life and make his own decisions. I had to move away from my beloved baby brother when I was younger and what hurt most was the knowledge that it was not what he wanted. Now he is a "grown man" but he still hugs and kisses me all the time. Your son will always love you no matter how far away or grown up he is.

Although you might be lonely now, you never know when your life could turn around completely. Before I met my fianc�, I was convinced that I would be lonely and depressed forever. I felt that I was always on the outside too, watching the normal people but never being one of them. All of a sudden, my life changed completely. You never know when the right person is going to come along. In the meantime you just have to keep your spirits up. And getting into shape will really help you feel better about yourself. So keep "doing it"! :)



[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 Next Page ]