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innerpeace - Thursday Sep 11, 2003

Weight: 268.0

I sent pictures to Breakaway today. Holy cow, I always forget how bad I look in pictures. I am so fat, you are right, this is sure to motivate. Thanks for doing this.

I had a bad headache yesterday so I went home and went to sleep. The neighbor woke me up complaining about his gate. I had a new fence put up because the one there was rotting and would not stand up any longer. In the process, his gate fell off (because of rotten wood) and the installer didn't reattach it. The neighbor was complaining that the installer should have put it back up. The installer refused saying the post it was on was rotten and it wasn't their responsibility to replace rotten post, so they weren't hanging his gate back up. What a nightmare. So why is this my fault? I replaced the whole freaking fence, just fix your gate already.

I have been getting up early to fix breakfast for my son. He is stubborn and won't eat lunch at school, and if I don't fix him breakfast he won't eat until I fix dinner. I had scrambled eggs and a few pieces of bacon for breakfast. We went to an Italian restaurant for lunch (someone's birthday) and I ordered spinach, artichoke pasta with smoked chicken. It was great. I ate half and took the other home and ate after I woke up.

I thought about exercising, but because of headache and TOM, I just skipped out again. I did at least open the box and look at the product. I have motivation, especially looking at those pictures again.

I need to start on my study in depth paper, my topic is The Demise of a Nation: The Fast Food Epidemic. I was roaring to go, but like everything else, I have fallen into a funk and can't get up. I hope you all have great successes today. Jo Ann

breakaway on 09/11/2003:
WOOHOO thanks for the pic...now we have three all together...you, squiggly, and I. I'm sure there will be more as people see it. Yes, you can send as many as you want and I plan on making room for progress pics too :) so if you want to send one once a month or whenever you have progress you want to show off. It's a great site and I can't wait to show it to everyone. Anyway, man you had a great dinner!! Way to go! You are doing great...and TOM sure is going around today lol I will check in on you tomorrow and be sure to check out the pic link tomorrow night!

TheMother on 09/11/2003:
Dear IP:

Sorry to hear you weren't feeling well yesterday. Hope things are better today. We all need a break from time to time so don't be so hard on yourself for not exercising. I am not an exercise type person. I just can't get into it. I do walk (occasionally) and do a lot of outside yard work so this is my exercise (whether it counts or not). Hang in there. Today will be better.



P.S. If you own the fence, why does the neighbor own the gate to the fence? That doesn't make sense to me - unless you jointly own the fence and you were nice enough to pay to have it replaced and he's responsible for the gate. Just curious...

Scruffy on 09/12/2003:
For peace of mind, you may choose to fix the gate. Neighbors come in handy every so often, my .02. Hang in there about the workout thing. It took me a bit to get going and Ronin's support greatly helped that along, also his example. You can do whatever you put your mind to-we believe in you.

restellastarr on 09/26/2003:
Hi Jo Ann! I wonder if you remember me..... I have had a great time reading a few of your last entries. The quotation you shared: "Some people dream..... others work to make dreams happen...." (paraphrased of course) :) Putting up fences and helping your son practice his driving..... hey, are you under any stress???? Be nice to yourself. Probably a gal could make a great case for sitting and doing nothing but staring at old favorite and relaxing shows..... Perhaps another time she could exercise or maybe hit the floor on the commercials? Be good to yourself. Yours is a life of many responsibilities. Hey, by the way, I would just love to see the photo that you shared with Breakaway, by the way. I wanted to go to that site that DVDmon had going for us just to relook at old lovely faces and get back into the loop. Where has that gone? Your friend, C.

innerpeace - Wednesday Sep 10, 2003

Weight: 268.0

After reading lots of diaries, I have come to the conclusion that I have used every excuse there is to NOT exercise. I currently have problems with watching reruns on television of Seinfeld and Friends. I watch them everyday for 1.5 hours and I have usually seen them all at least once, but I can�t make myself get my ass off the couch and exercise. I will try harder, and just not turn on the television when I get home from work.

I had drill this past weekend and I have that monthly reminder of how much weight I�ve put on when I see all the fit and trim soldiers all around me, but it doesn�t help much, because they have put up with it for so long.

I suffered the past week riding with my son while he practiced driving. Oh my gawd, what a hair raising experience, I swear I�ve aged ten years in less than 7 days. He did pass his driving exam and is a licensed driver. How scary is that?

I will try and use all the equipment, taking up space in my garage, maybe if I get the exercise started, the eating right will just kick in and begin.

�Some people dream of success�while others wake up and work hard at it!� OK I think I�m finally ready to work hard at it.

breakaway on 09/10/2003:
ALRIGHT!! It's good to see your ready. There are alot of us just starting out again to get that few lbs we gained this last month off so we can "start again" Just take a 10 min walk everyday for the first two weeks. Thats a challenge to from me. I will join you! How does that sound? Starting today! 10 min is all...just get out there and walk around the block once and you will have it in the bag for the day. What do you say?

geevee on 09/10/2003:
Another Seinfeld fan! We have a lot in common! Let me share a tip. I learned how to clean my living room while watching all the reruns. Before the show starts I have all cleaning aids set up: vacuum, dust cloth, mop, broom, whatever. When the program starts, I dust, get rid of cobwebs, etc. When the commercials come on, I vacuum. It's amazing how much you can get done! If you can watch it on another set in another room, then you can clean that room too. In my area I could watch Seinfeld one to two hours a day.

Crittermama on 09/10/2003:
I'm married to a soldier (Wisconsin National Guard) and I truly hope the soldiers you deal with aren't like him. He has a thing about overweight people, especially military people. At least he isn't openly rude to them. He just gripes to me about them. It's weird because he has overweight friends and it's okay for them to be like that. Makes me crazy!! Good luck with your exercise. I know you can do it. Good habits are as easy to make as bad ones. You can do it.

squiggly on 09/10/2003:
The first couple of days of exercising are the hardest. You just have to do it with no excuses. It might help to find a buddy to do it with. They could help hold you accountable. I walk every morning with my MIL and it is great. I haven't been able to the last couple of days because my back and hips hurt to much but I'm going tomorrow regardless. you can do it. You'll feel better.

innerpeace - Thursday Sep 04, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Hey all, fighting my own little war again. My son tells me to get out and meet new people. Yeah right! Bless his heart, he tries to motivate me. Tomorrow he goes to take his driving test...I really am scared for him to drive. I can't let go, he will always be my baby.

I will do WATP tonight, I still haven't been able to conquer the ellypical trainer yet, it kills my thighs, which is probably a good thing, but I can't stay on there to long. I was stupid and ordered Power90, I am going to start those exercise tapes whenever they arrive. I've heard mixed comments about it.

I just wish I would get over this thing I have with people...I didn't realize how bad it was until I went to a car dealership with my son to look at cars. Have you ever noticed how the salesmen just houver, even when you tell them you are 'just looking', no, I don't want to carry on conversation with you and it's none of your business what I do. I know they have a job...but pleeaaase just give me some breathing room.

Hope you all have continued success. Oh, Scruff I love your idea, I read so many diaries and never leave a message, sometimes because I don't really have time and others because I really don't have anything to add. Jo Ann

Scruffy on 09/04/2003:
I know how you feel about the salesman thing. I now buy vehicles through a broker. I don't even go to the dealerships anymore.

Thanks for the kudos!

TheMother on 09/05/2003:
Dear IP:

I hope you have a great day today. I admire your honesty even though in your bio you said you are honest with everyone but yourself. Don't sell yourself short. You have a lot to offer and have a right to occupy this planet just like everyone else does. I too shy away from people and events due to my weight. I also work in an office as an admin (senior level) and deal with people all the time. I'm one way at work and another at home and on the "social scene". It all has to do with self-esteem. One day at a time I'm concentrating on improving my health as well as my mental image of myself. I often think of the L'Oreal hair commercial where they say " because you're worth it". You know what, WE ARE!!!!! I'll be in touch...


innerpeace - Monday Aug 11, 2003

Weight: 268.0

I watched a movie last night and laughed out loud at a solution someone came up with to lose weight. Are you ready for this? We all need to hire a �food slapper�. That is hire someone to follow us around everywhere we go and just be there to slap the food right out of our hand, right before we put it in our mouth. It was comedic, but I guess it would work, I could just see myself sneaking into the bathroom just to eat something good.

I went out and bought me an elliptical trainer�it is much harder than I thought. I was huffing and puffing after three minutes. It is out in the garage with the rest of the equipment I have accumulated. I have three machines, that don�t belong to me, that are just stored there. A health rider, Body by Jake hip and thigh machine and ab machine (those I can�t figure out how to use or I would) a Nordic track, crossbow, an old treadmill (that works) and now my elliptical trainer. You would think I would gather up enough initiative to get off my butt and use them. I just need to install mirrors on the garage walls and start my own gym.

Sunday was the last day for one of the guys at drill. He is moving to Minnesota so we decided to take him to lunch. Everyone decided on Zio�s an Italian joint. I decided not to go, just because I didn�t want to challenge myself and get fattening stuff and binge on the delicious, hot, fresh bread they serve in massive quantities. I felt bad afterwards for not going and wishing the guy good luck. I�m sure I�ll get over it in time, he was a good soldier.

My eating was good and I drank more water than usual, I can still increase that. I hope you all have a great day and continued success. Jo Ann

innerpeace - Friday Aug 08, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Wow, I can�t believe I haven�t posted in so long. There are tons of new people here, who I don�t recognize. I have been busy in summer school and reading so much; I didn�t have time for myself to even think. My son also returned in June and the last week I have been running around trying to get him enrolled in school. He just finished a driver�s education class and wants to get a car. Great, I�m going to enjoy that, dealing and haggling with used car salesmen has always been on my �to do list� � (implied with sarcasm).

I had to take a physical last weekend and was rudely confronted by a nurse, which I tell myself after the fact, will probably help me in the long run, but during, I was pretty agitated.

Anyway, it was a military event and everything is supposed to be so organized, and I have to say this was. We had different stations to go to, to get checked out: Station 1: fill out paperwork, medical history and any reason why you saw a doctor in the last five years. Station 2: height, weight, blood pressure. Well I had my height and weight measured. OK, its no secret that I�m overweight, that is something you just can�t hide. When I sat down to have my blood pressure taken the nurse said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, �OH yeah, your blood pressure is going to by high, because you are a little overweight.� At first I took this in jest and said, �a lot overweight� and she replied, �well, I was just trying to be polite��whatever. Anyway, my blood pressure was 140-94, which she said was high, so she took it in my other arm, which was 138-92. She told me she couldn�t clear me until the bottom number (I forgot what she called it) was under 90. She told me to go to station 3 and then come back and recheck my blood pressure. Station 3: labs � urine & blood � while I was sitting there waiting, I wondered about the blood pressure incident. How worried should I be and all that. Station 2: The same nurse instructs me to lie down on a bed for a few minutes and think of relaxing things. She starts in with a story about a very obese man who comes in and she just knows that his blood pressure will be high. She takes it and it was within normal limits. She said his cholesterol was only 128. Anyway, after she was finished I asked her if I should be concerned about my blood pressure and if I should consult my primary care physician and get on medication. She then rudely replied�lose weight. I again asked, well if it�s high shouldn�t I see my physician? She said, all you need is diet and exercise and lose weight. Then I was agitated and said, well, that�s not going to happen overnight, do I need to do something in the mean time. She got huffy and said, NO, to just lose weight. Anyway, this went on for a few minutes and continued to get louder, until someone came in to see what the trouble was. OK, I say again, it is no secret I�m overweight, but I was alarmed at the blood pressure thing and don�t want to be having a stroke in the near future. Station 4: vision check Station 5: hearing Station 6: dental Station 7: physical exam � PAP/breast exam (which is never pleasant) Station 8: counseling � drug/alcohol use, safe sex, cigarette smoking, diet/exercise, weight control, HIV and that type of stuff Station 9: civilian doctor Station 10: army doctor

Anyway because of all that, I got back on a diet/lifestyle change kick and want to lose weight and I always got encouragement and motivation from my friends from the DD pages and hope you all welcome me back. I have drill tomorrow and will officially start my �diet� on Sunday. I have to get mentally prepared and just know that this will happen starting Sunday. So on August 10, 2003, I will again start a diet and exercise routine and I will be accountable for the �choices I make�. I�m looking forward to posting regularly again.

Success does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, �I will try again tomorrow�.

Do you best...Jo Ann

Kirby T on 08/09/2003:
Welcome back! I look forward to taking this journey with you! I'll keep in touch on how you are doing.


Good luck!


innerpeace - Thursday Apr 24, 2003

Weight: 268.0

I have been busy cramming for a physics test. I will never understand somethings. Physics is one of them. So I just crammed long enough to remember and then spit it out on the test and then, its gone, just like it was never there to begin with.

I was disppointed with my weigh in at weight watchers. She told me not to be discouraged since I had started working out. Yeah, that's easy to say. I finally called my insurance company and got authorization to see a therapist. I really have people/crowd issues not to mention all the self esteem ones. I figure I pay for it, I may as well use it, besides there's no investment like a personal one.

I was supposed to make up the drill I missed at the beginning of the month today & tomorrow, however I just couldn't go today. I tried on my uniform and amazingly it fits better, but it is still to tight. So I am now convinced that exercise works. Sometimes you just have to see actual proof.

I found this great aerobics video, that is the funnest thing I'v ever done it incorporates line dancing and country steps in a great aerobic exercise. I really love it and look forward to doing it.

I hope you all have continued success. Jo Ann

Golightly on 04/25/2003:
Hi Innie! I giggled over your description about writing your physics exam. It was the same for me in college! After I had spit it out, it was like it had never been there! To this day, I don't remember a damned thing about Subject Classification! (I have a Library Science Degree.)

I think it's great that you are using insurance to see a therapist. You are right -- you are paying for it and SHOULD use it! Good luck with it!

Also, thanks for the note on my diary. I loved the idea of a "launching pad" for children. Just the mental imagery of children being launched from home, hurling into their new lives, soaring like Superman ... well, it made me giggle! Does this mean I should equip this spare room with a catapult?? LOL

I don't think you were weak for not keeping your son. As you said, you were alone and scared. Sometimes the strongest thing a parent can do is let their child go because they know it will be better for them. I think young mothers who put their children up for adoption have real strength.

As for parachuting, you scream every time? What a hoot!!

Take care of yourself, Jo Ann. And thanks again for the note.

Kerry79 on 04/26/2003:
I hope your phsycis test went okay - I'm glad my days of exams are over. Enjoy your new video too. I love linedancing and do a two-hour class each week. It's great fun, so I don't really regard it as exercise, but it's a good workout too.

Kerry x

innerpeace - Wednesday Apr 16, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Wow, you miss a few days and miss a bunch. Welcome to all the new people.

Spent almost 2 1/2 hours at the dentist office, which resulted in an attitude on my part. They asked me to fill out a questionnaire, not the best thing to ask when you make patients wait for 40 minutes. It ask me what they could do to make my visit more pleasant...uhh cut the wait time in half would be a start. The first thing they ask me for when I arrived was my insurance card...sure...I don't have any pain today and yes, I'm fine and yourself? Ok I would appreciate if you treated the patient and not my insurance. And then I learn I might have to get a root canal, but the doctor did say that was the worst case scenario...maybe she watches too much reality TV.

I have been eating so much better...portion control is a God send. I have learned to ask for a to go box and immediately put half of my order in it, eat what's left and take the rest home for another meal. I have learned that one bowl of Fruit Loops can satisfy my craving instead of two or three. I have learned that during exercise the pain is awful, but the feel of satisfaction of actually doing it is amazing. I'm sure there are other things I will learn as I go, but these have made the most impact on me.

Last night was the first night I missed exercising...I struggled with myself, but I know my body was screaming for a break and I'm anxious to pick up where I left off tonight.

I hope everyone has continued success. Jo Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/16/2003:
God I had a root canal once and I swore no more.they can rip them suckers out. I'll get dentures. it isnt worth the pain . AWESOME. I live in Elk City, Oklahoma. way out west

Soon2BThin on 04/16/2003:
Yes, it's amazing how good some exercise can make you feel! But sometimes you have to listen to your body and take a break. And don't feel guilty about it. It sounds like you're doing great!

Golightly on 04/17/2003:
Hi Innie! Thanks for the message on my diary, especially the Dr. Phil quote. It really made me think about my own insecurities! You are right .. chances are nobody gives a hoot about my weight!

I had a root canal a few years ago. Thanks to new medical technologies, it wasn't too painful. The worst was ... it was VERY expensive! $1200 Canadian. HELP!

You are doing SO wonderfully on your diet! Just reading about your willpower and good attitude helped me. Thanks alot!

innerpeace - Monday Apr 14, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Sunday marked an entire week of doing some sort of exercise daily. I thought it would get easier, but I thought I was going to die walking in the park. My girlfriend talked the entire way, which is good, because I could only make short grunting sounds to let her know I was still listening. My legs and back were killing me. A bit of inspiration we passed an older gentlement walking the opposite direction and he waved and said hello, and told us to keep on going...on the way back we passed him again and he said that we did a good job and should walk everyday. Afterwards my girlfriend asked me if I noticed that he was holding his right arm. I said NO because I didn't. She told me that the man had a stroke a few years back and it was amazing that this older gentleman was trying to motivate two younger women.

Worked in the yard Saturday and that is my least favorite thing to do. If I had it my way I would spray RoundUp over my entire yard and let the weeds just swivel up and die. Afterwards I did the WATP 3 mile tape and played cards.

Note to self: Do not pee in a toilet that has bleech in it! Things like this you just don't think about until it actually happens, but after getting choked up by the fumes, I recovered and felt pretty stupid and would only tell people who don't know me from a stranger on the street.

I have a dental appointment today and then school...it will be a late night because there is no way I'm going to stop exercising now. I hope you all have a great week. Jo Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/14/2003:
Ugh dental appointment does not sound like fun. Keep on walking. you are doing great.

Golightly on 04/14/2003:
LOL, peeing in bleach creates fumes? Thanks for the warning!

The man in the park sounds like an angel. FYI, during the teen years, my daughter only communicated with me through grunts. You are right -- at least it lets the other person know you are still alive!

Take care, Jo Ann!

Chrysalis on 04/14/2003:
You're doing good. If you're grunting, then at least you know that you're breathing! Oh, and add that anytime you work with bleach you must have ventilation. Been there, done that!

jenniybunnie on 04/14/2003:
Thanks for the website. It really helps. -Jen

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 10, 2003

Weight: 268.0

The quest for the perfect bra is eternal. I have yet to find a bra that I can work out with. I have bras that are too loose and I flop around, which is very uncomfortable, I have bras that are too tight and the minute I move half my boob pops out of the cup and the magic of it all, they are the same size. Of these bras I have some that cut through underneath and slide off the shoulder, and then vice versa. I think I have tried every marketable bra there is, I have added and removed pieces and still can't find something I am comfortable with. I want something specific...something that will prevent myself from getting a black eye but something that will let me breathe at the same time.

I am tired of getting heat rashes in unmentionable places. I normally use cornstarch and then when I sweat I get a nice little paste that is really gross. The good thing is my chest is the first place I loose weight. But now since my treadmill is in the house I can flop around at will.

I hope you all have a great successful day. Jo Ann

Chrysalis on 04/10/2003:
I always wear one of those exercise sport bra things when I work out. It does a reasonable job of keeping you in place without having so much there that you get a heat rash. You'll never be able to keep from jiggling a little bit, though. But cheer up! That's how we separate the real boobs from the silicone ones!

Gael the Whale on 04/10/2003:
Bras were invented by Sadists. I dont wear one at all anymore.

Golightly on 04/10/2003:
I went through the same struggles as you, until I found the "Just My Size" bra's which are designed for bigger women. I love them. Comfy, supports, and doesn't cost a lot of money.

When I was in high school, I used to work at Sears in "Home and Body Fashion" -- which was their polite way of saying underwear. I was amazed to find out that a lot of women don't measure themselves and just guess their size -- measuring is really important! FYI, you would also be amazed at how many men would come up to me and say "I'm buying a bra for my wife ... what size are you?" As IF I would fall for that!!! A girl isn't even safe in Sears...

Good luck with your quest!

MM on 04/10/2003:
Have you been fitted for a bra, yet? Go to a specialty store and they can fit you perfectly with a bra you will like. My mother made me do this once, about 7 years ago, and it's great. I used to wear a DD, but when I was fitted they told me I should wear a G. Complete Shock! But, once I started wearing the correct one, my back felt so much better, and no more black eyes! LOL

Good luck!

innerpeace - Wednesday Apr 09, 2003

Weight: 268.0

Weight Watchers meeting today...down two pounds. I haven't missed exercising yet. I love the WATP tapes, which I have been doing, late at night after school. I like going to the meeting but the ladies there are the rudest bunch I've ever been around. The leader is talking to us and two or three groups of people will be having their own conversation, drowning out the leader. She doesn't say anything to them...it is aggravating to the point I want to SSHHHH them, but I don't. I figure they are just excited about loosing weight or something.

Last night I went to the Big Lots store looking for straws for a craft project. I walked all through that store and found all the Easter candy and candy that didn't have to do with Easter but I didn't find any straws. Finally I asked the young teenage boy with multiple piercings and wild hair told me they were in the party supplies. Off I go in search of the straws. On my way to the check out I ventured over to the Cadbury cream eggs, they were literally calling my name, 'Jo Ann remember that creamy center you love to lick out and the yummy, smooth chocolately shell?' Yes, I do and I was headed over to get one or two or three but that young boy says, 'I'm open ma'am you don't have to wait.' So I say thank you for keeping me from buying the candy...he just looks at me like I'm weird or something. So I say to myself walking out to the car 'God bless the peircings and wild hair child' who at that time was my personal savior from those wicked, evil Cadbury cream eggs.

I've had this treadmill out in my garage for almost two years. Occasionally I would go out in the mornings, before work, and use it. My excuse was that I would miss the news and I just couldn't do that, so this afternoon I dragged the thing in and parked it right in front of my television, turned it on, turned up the television and walked. So no more excuses. I have a small goal...which is to fit into my uniform again.

My group at school has a new saying...stupid should be painful. So I'm not going to be stupid anymore. I know the ropes, I just have to stick to them. I hope you all have a great day and many more successes. JO Ann

Gael the Whale on 04/10/2003:
all Right. Bravo. resisted that candy. hard one two at this time of year. and great idea about the treadmill. I really should have one of those tvs that you have to pedal to power. so no pedal no show. think it would motivate me to exercise a lot more. lol I should have a computer that is pedal powered. then I would REALLY have to work.

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