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innerpeace - Friday Nov 15, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I would like to say I have been dieting and exercising but that wouldn't be the case. I have been going to school and eating, so I have gained more weight. I have joined weight watchers, again, and that seems to be working out for me. I still have to get off my butt and exercise. I was reading someone's journal - sorry - forgot whose and they were talking about not sleeping. Whew, I wish that was my problem, I can sleep anytime and anywhere. I would rather sleep than do anything else. My mom says I'm sleeping my life away. I don't see it that way, I go to many different and interesting places in my dreams, yeah, I'm avoiding life.

So, I guess I will try to return to the land of the living and stick to this program. Though I have been away, I popped in every once in awhile to read up on everyone, I'm glad most is still here and I'll have to get to know the new ones.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Jo Ann

Beth 201 on 11/15/2002:
I know what you mean. I hide myself away from the land of the living also. It is hard to get out and get moving. I have made my mind up, I really don't care what others think about my weight. I am proud that I am out there doing something to change that problem. I am always proud of heavy people out there riding bikes, skating or just walking. That makes me so proud. You hang in there. Also remember you are a very pretty person. Don't avoid life. Just out there and enjoy every min of it!! You are WORTH IT!!!! Hugs Beth :)

BandMom on 11/15/2002:
Hi! I have miss you very much!Welcome back!HUgs and smiles. You are so worth the effort!Bandmom

cynthie on 11/16/2002:
Thank God I'm not the only Prodigal Daughter out there. I'm back too InnerP .... he girl we can do this ... RIGHT? You'd better believe it. Make today yours ... by the way IP, today is now the 16th, lol. ~Cynthie

kyrin on 11/16/2002:
It's great to see you back with us again! ...I've added you to the group's Birthday List (find it in the <i>Talk It Over</i> section, under the <u>Just for Fun</u> heading).

Wishing you successes!


innerpeace - Thursday Aug 01, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 255.0

Day 2 gone. It wasn't so bad. I had a heartfelt conversation with a person I hardly know, or haven't seen in a month. It was a young guy (I say young he is about 24) he said it looked like I lost weight. Well none since he's seen me last but I didn't say that. I just said thanks, I'm trying.

I then mentioned I stayed fat because it was my security blanket. It kept me from getting close to people and getting hurt, referencing my divorce. Anyway, I probably told him too much, but it was the truth. I'm afraid to get close to people, I don't want to get hurt again, and being fat was a way I could keep my distance. Anyway, I just want to lose weight now, just to feel better.

Breakfast: Special K, 1/2 banana and 1/2 c. skim milk Lunch: boiled egg, 1/2 grapefruit and 1 piece of wheat toast Dinner: baked fish, cauliflower & broccoli, 1/2 c. rice, 1/2 orange Snack: small tossed salad, other half of orange

My legs are very sore from yesterday, but I did mow the grass. I hope everyone has a great day. Has anyone heard from Charlotte? I just worry about her, she motivates me so.

CharlieAngel on 08/02/2002:
Here I am! sorry I have not been here. Work just overwhelmed me this past few weeks. I am so much in agreement about being fat being a protective cover from hurt and pain. I, too, punished myself by staying fat to insulate myself from the the hurt that others inflict on me. Sadly, they still hurt me when I was fat, because I was fat. But I looked at that as acceptable because afterall they were just telling the truth right. NOw, I just want to be healthy and live my life to the fullest. I have learned not to care too much what other people think. I have to be happy with me first and foremost. You are on the right track. YOu can do this! I have total confidence in you! Love you and hope you have a great weekend. Love, Charlotte

cynthie on 08/04/2002:
Hi there. Girl, you are awesome! I've spent the last 30 minutes reading your diaries. I have laughed out aloud at your humor and approached tears with your pain.

If you can fight for your entire country (millions of people) surely, you can fight for yourself; One, two-hundred-fifty-something pound individual!

I need you to stick to it this time for me. I'm new at diet diaries and there is so much of your story that could be my story.

Peace & Wisdom, Cynthie

innerpeace - Wednesday Jul 31, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 255.0

WOOHOO I made it through Day 1, which is always so tough to do.

Breakfast: Special K, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup skim milk Lunch: Fruit salad with canteloupe, honeydew, strawberries and cottage cheese Dinner: baked chicken, baked potato & broccoli Dessert: strawberries and yougart Snack: Two pieces of wheat bread

I walked about 1 1/2 miles. My legs were hurting so bad, like lava falling on them. It wasn't the calf or the shin, but on the side about half way up. I had it checked out before, but they said I didn't have a problem, you know it's one of those you make up.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great day.

MichelleP on 07/31/2002:

Menu sounds great! Way to go on getting through day 1!!

Take care and have a wonderful night!

kyrin on 08/01/2002:
Hi, Jo!

Congrats on making it through Day1 in such fine fashion! 99 more to go? <i>You can do it!</i>



innerpeace - Tuesday Jul 30, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 255.0

Tomorrow is start day #99. I went and bought all the right food. I was going to start last week, however, we had planned a weekend in Branson, MO and I didn't want to be restricted there. We went on a Sunset dinner cruise with a great show, Silver Dollar City and another show (Legends in Concert) that night and drove back on Sunday. It was my 35th birthday present to myself.

Now that I'm back and finally finished celebrating I've decided it's time to have a go again. I am going to start the Hilton Head Metabolism Diet. It's not hard I'm just very weak and lazy. I'm embarassed to take my lunch to work and eat it in front of everyone. So I am my own worst enemy. I'm in for the fight this time.

I wish everyone luck and continued success. Jo Ann

innerpeace - Tuesday Jul 23, 2002

Weight: 255.0

Hi everyone, I guess I am back at it. I barely survived my 3 week National Guard Training at Fort Polk, Lousianna. I thought I was going to die of the heat and humidity. Why people live there voluntarily I'll never understand!!

My son moved, back with his Dad at El Paso, Texas. I was angry at first, however, he is 15 (16 in November) and I guess I just can't tell him what to do anymore without getting some negative feedback. I hate listening to him tell me how much he hates me and being here. I guess at this time in his age, a dad is a good thing.

School is tough, but I have a three week break. Now comes the commitment to weight loss. I was even telling my classmates, that losing weight will be my number one goal for the rest of the summer. Work is crazy, cut backs are hell. Four people were let go last week, several more to come. I'm just glad I don't have their particular jobs.

I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. I'm going to add my exercise routine back in and start the calorie counting/fat watching thing again. I'm glad to be back to start catching up on everyone's success. Way to Go Charlotte!! that is so fantastic, I sure missed reading about your family.

Crittermama on 07/23/2002:
I heard the military is tough on you!! My dh is in the Army National Guard. He was an Army Reservist before that. Good luck.

inmorning on 07/23/2002:
Sorry to hear about your son. I look forward to reading your entries.

BandMom on 07/23/2002:
Glad to see you back.I miss you.Hugs and a smile. Bandmom

innerpeace - Thursday May 02, 2002

Weight: 255.0

There comes a time in your life when you realize you have a crazy, big problem, and then when you finally realize it, it takes you another week or so to come to terms with it, analyze it and then finally try to do something to help yourself.

Last Thursday night I received the dreaded phone call. I had to talk to the wife of my ex-husband. I handled myself well, quite professionally I'd say. I didn't spout off, riducule, curse or be sarcastic once. I informed her of what has been going on the last two years my son has been with me concerning his orthodontal work, optometry stuff, school work and just my son in general. But after I got off the phone I went into the kitchen and made a big pan of brownies and ate half the pan, the rest for breakfast the next morning. I was angry. I hate the fact that my son is leaving, hate it more that he will be there with my ex and not me. If that's not emotional eating, I don't know what is.

I was talking to a girl at school about how I need to lose many pounds, as much as I could before next month. She said she would walk with me. Bless her heart, I almost cried. But anyway, we are supposed to meet tonight and go walking in the park. That will be fine but then I don't want to get into talking about myself, I hate that when you start a new friendship.

My pictures were posted, those new pictures were taken at Christmas, I think I have an extra 10 pounds now, if you can imagine that.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great day.

BandMom on 05/02/2002:
Hi and will keep in my thoughts.It a new day. With a new way.:) Here Is a big hug! Bandmom

MichelleP on 05/02/2002:

Sounds like you did well taking with ex's wife. Geez that is not a place I would want to be. I think under the stress you are under the brownies are understandable. That is wonderful that you will have someone to walk with! Take care and have a great walk!

innerpeace - Friday Apr 19, 2002

Weight: 255.0

Last night I grilled steak out, I had half a steak and gave my son the other half. I thought it was kinda tough. I made mash potatoes and baked beans. I cook for my son, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't eat anything at all. Well, I guess that will be the case in another month. He asked me last night to start getting his transcript and stuff from the school. I told him to wait, if he decided to go to school in Texas they could request it and the OKlahoma school would send it. I still don't like the idea of him staying there with his step-mother. I was in Saudi for six months, he just tells me he don't think his dad will be gone that long. It's incredible how selfish I'm feeling. I guess I'll just absorb myself into going to school and loosing weight.

I applied for another job yesterday with the Department of the Treasury, Comptroller of the Currency in Oklahoma City. I think they kind of do the same thing my Examinations & Inspections department do, but at a national level, and it is a federal job. Oh, well I'll guess I'll see what happens.

This morning was sad. It was the 7 year anniversary of the Oklahoma City Murrah bombing. My current office is right accross the street and I work high enough where I could see the little ceremony they had, I couldn't hear it though.

Last night I was very tired and couldn't get myself up and exercise. I'm telling you that drill weekend sure takes alot out of me. I'm going home to take a nap after work, but tomorrow I have plans to get up and go walk. I was just thinking of all the exercise activities they have around my city. Last week they had a red bud classic and a walk for the cure (breast cancer walk) next week they have the Oklahoma Memorial Marathon, oh, yea, I'd love to do that. I've just decided to make that my long term goal. I want to run in the National marathon. I did compete in the Kole Kole Pass 1/2 marathon in Hawaii, but that was 40 pounds ago.

Well I hope you all have a great weekend and despite the forecasted rain, that is what I plan to do. Jo Ann

Crittermama on 04/19/2002:
I have never been in the military or anything but seeing the condition my husband comes home in after drill weekend I understand what you are talking about. He comes home and goes straight to bed. He might take the time to take off his boots but that would be it. I've seen him go to bed many times in his boots. What stinks about this month is that he had drill the first weekend, was home with me last weekend (the weekend without kids and we did tons of stuff), has pistol competition at Fort McCoy this weekend, and Regionals next weekend in Indiana. I don't see him more than 10 minutes everyday during the week so I'm pretty depressed about not seeing him at all this month except one weekend. Anyway, good luck with your goals. I know you can do it.

MichelleP on 04/19/2002:

I do not see your feelings as selfish, they are a mother who loves her son. When I read your entry today I was moved to tears, tears for those lost 7 years ago, tears for those left behind, and tears for those who have forgotten the date. It seems that with all going on since Sept 11, the other tragic events in your world have really taken a backseat. Makes me wonder in 7 years will the events of that terrible day be just a faded memory. Leaves you to wonder so much. I am holding you in my heart and in my prayer. Please take care and have a wonderful weekend!

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 18, 2002

Weight: 255.0

Good morning all. Last night I struggled to mow the yard. It has been raining so much here lately it just grows and grows. it stays wet so it makes it very difficult to mow, but I mowed it anyway and the mower would stop every few minutes. It is supposed to rain all weekend long and I know it would add another foot or so of height if I didn't get it cut. My son was kind enough to help.

My hands are swollen today. I can't figure out if it's because I have been working with them or water retention, maybe a little bit of both.

My son is still going to Texas after school is out. Not much as been said about whether or not he is going to stay there and start school. I guess I will just have to wait and see if he likes it there.

Can someone please tell me how to get to where the pictures are. I have a few to add, but I can't remember how to get there.

BandMom on 04/18/2002:
send a note to Dvdmon. He has the site for the pictures. It http://www20.brinkster.com/dietdiaries/ I have send picture to him and there are not on yet. he has been busy. I hope this helps. BandMom

MichelleP on 04/18/2002:

Hope the swelling gets down soon. Maybe its alot of things. Take care and have a wonderful night!

innerpeace - Wednesday Apr 17, 2002

Weight: 255.0

I am finally on a routine I can deal with and maybe get some exercise in. I had a long, hard weekend doing the drill thing. We went out east to Camp Gruber and played in the field. We had to put up lots and lots of tents and camouflage nets. If you don't bring "pogey bait" (snacks & stuff) of your own, you will be stuck eating the prepackaged MREs. Just one has over 2700 calories, that is quite a few when you want to lose some poundage.

Last night was the last night of this Humanities class. I had to turn in my research paper and my group had to put on our 30 minute presentation. It only lasted 20 minutes. If we were docked for time, the instructor didn't say, there were a few groups that took over 40 minutes, there presentation was boring to say the least, it was hard to keep from falling asleep.

I hope everyone has a great day, and if things continue like they are I will be able to post more often, instead of just read.

CharlieAngel on 04/17/2002:
You sound a bit more enthusiastic. Hope you get a great grade in your class. You sure have a lot going on! What's new with your son and the summer vacation situation? Have a great day! Love ya, Charlotte

MichelleP on 04/17/2002:

Mre's that just sounds icky! LOL my brother is a cook in the Army and keeps saying they are not that bad.... oh sure! LOL Take care and have a great night!

Crittermama on 04/17/2002:
MREs!! With a husband in the Army I've tried a few of those! He says they have 3000 calories if you eat everything. He collects the tabasco sauce! We have always have MREs in the house somewhere, especially after he comes back from AT or something. ICKY!! The boys like some of the stuff so if I see one open I might give them whatever they like out of it.

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 04, 2002

Weight: 255.0

Total pity party to follow. I am struggling with school, I never dreamed it would be this hard. I still haven't started on my paper and it is due April 16th. I have gained a few pounds, so I have been hard on myself.

My son has decided to go to El Paso, Texas (his dad is stationed at Fort Bliss) for the summer. He said he wanted to go and visit his dad before he left in June/July to go to Saudi Arabia. I asked if he was coming back, he said he wanted to check out the schools there. That is fine, however, I asked him why he would want to stay with the Stepmon instead of coming back to me. He had no answer. I know my ex told him he had a car for him there and I think that was a big part of luring him down there. I also didn't want my ex to tell him, "you're man of the house now, take care of things while I'm gone". I want my son to have fun with his life and not have to be concerned with worrying about his step-brother and half sister. My son will be 16 and the others are 9 & 3. I guess I'm just being selfish and my son is old enough to make up his own mind, but it's just hard knowing I probably won't get to see him for a long time.

I visited my sister who is skinny has a rail and does not work and has no care in the world about how the bills will be paid. I was actually envious and wish I could be like her, especially when she doesn't work. All she cares about his finding her next boyfriend, her next beer and cigarette. However, I don't want to worry about not have electricity for heat or water to bathe either, and those things aren't high on her priority list.

Well, I only have a little over two months to get my brain in serious mode to try to take some of this weight off, before annual training. It was awful trying to shave my legs last night in the tub, I found myself trying to be an amateur contortionist. It was so hard trying to maneuver my bulk around to make sure I had a complete shave.

I did go walk for 3 miles, however, my girlfried was with me and we didn't go that fast, because we were talking. I'll up the speed and maybe that will help. The weather is getting warmer so maybe I'll be able to get up in the mornings and go for a walk.

I hope everyone has a great day.

pastagal on 04/04/2002:
Just take things one day at a time and you can do it,,,it takes time and Consistence but there is light at the end of the tunnel:}} hope you have a better day:}

CharlieAngel on 04/04/2002:
I bet your son will change his mind about staying when he has to babysit the younger steps and has to help out with mowing the yard and all that stuff, he will be chomping at the bit to come home! And, yeah for you in going for that walk. Every little bit helps. I wanted to share with you that even though I am only 35 pounds lighter than you I have found that each pound lost makes life so much easier. I can bend over to tie my shoes, I can shave my legs without doing a circus routine! I am sending many positive vibes your way! YOU CAN DO THIS! Love, Charlotte

MichelleP on 04/04/2002:
Hi Inner,

You have alot on your plate right now. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. My husbands best friend is going through something just like this. It tore him apart, but the good news is... both his children are coming home to live in May. I am planning a big welcome home party for them. Please be strong, vent here , email me, if you ever want a shoulder to lean on! Take care and have a good day ( at least try to) HUGS!

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