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legcramps - Monday Jan 12, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Oh my God.  If this is what happens everytime I decide to own up to my mistakes and unhealthy habits, then I am going to live in a hut all by myself for the rest of my life.  No, really.  Really.

I confronted my boyfriend on Friday night and this weekend has been the worst in my life.  Maybe.  Close to the worst anyways.  For the first hour of the conversation, we had both decided that this wasn't what we wanted and we didn't want to salvage it or make any effort to repair the destruction.  We were happy (not really, but you know what I mean) to cut our losses and move on.  We found that we had started to make plans to move apart even before having this conversation.  It seemed like a cut and dry argument - there wasn't anything to fight over.  Then the blood started leaking out of the cracks in the walls.  Harsh words were spoken but truth prevailed and we both needed to hear it.  Aha, we weren't ready to call it quits just yet.  There were some major issues we needed to deal with, but could we make the effort to pull it together long enough to salvage what we'd spent five years destroying?

End result:  we have some issues to deal with; issues that are huge and scary and i'm not sure if we can get through them.  The fortunate thing is that we're both willing to try.  If we can communicate with each other instead of wasting the others' time, we might actually have a shot.  We'll see, and take it one day at a time, and accept that whatever we decide it will be the right decision for us - together or apart.

I went to the gym last night and did my treadmill workout.  I need to start upping the number of minutes that I run - maybe next week i'll start on that.  I had a terrible stress-related headache before going to the gym, but felt so much better afterwards. 

I got groceries yesterday too, and picked up a lot of good foods - now I just have to cook and prepare them and I should be able to eat nothing but healthy foods this week!  Today I had eggs and toast for breakfast, and brought strawberries and bananas to work to snack on this afternoon because that's usually when I get the most hungry!  No excuses today!!

skinnyjeans on 01/12/2009:
Wow...sorry to hear about your stressful weekend! I hope you two can resolve everything and hopefully all the harsh words to each other will be in the past. It's nice to hear that he is also interested in trying to make it work. :) And great job picking up some healthy foods yesterday!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2009:
nice job on planning out all your food and doing healthy shopping. i find that if i have enough variety of foods to choose from, it is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to do well. you must have healthy things to choose from, that's the answer!

see_maw on 01/13/2009:
Good luck with your relationship but remember that life is too short to be miserable. Kudos to you for still being able to work out under those conditions, that woulda been my excuse to not work out. Do what is best for you! (((HUGS)))

legcramps - Friday Jan 09, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Not much new to report today... I haven't really done anything in the past two days that would be beneficial to my health.  Just being honest :}

However, I am writing down what I eat and trying hard to keep drinking water and I think that's an honorable start, no?!  We haven't been back to the gym for a few days, planning on going tonight and I think it is most likely to happen since my friend will not let us slide. 

I watched 'Twilight' last night.  Pretty good, I had already read the book so was a little disappointed as usual that the movie didn't turn out quite the same way as the book portrays its characters.  Oh well, it was still a good movie.

Planning on watching Charmed with some friends this weekend.  I bought the first season, another friend has the second and the final seasons, so we're going to start watching the first season and in the meantime look for the other seasons.  We're Charmed lovers...

The homefront is not good these days.  My boyfriend continues to disappoint me and now i'm starting to wonder if my expectations are set too high.  It could be, but my main concern is that I am not happy and I need to do something about that.  I'm trying to let him know, but he has avoided conversing with me for about three days now, so i'm not sure how i'm going to get his attention long enough to let him know that i'm having issues.  My friend thinks that I come across as intimidating because I am too much of a logical thinker and I want answers right now and all that.  But i'm tired of treating him gingerly so that his feelings don't get hurt.  It just can't always be about what's best for him.

mama_nurse on 01/09/2009:
Your weekend with your girlfriends seems like a blast!!! yay!! I hope you have an amazing time. Stock up on some healthy treats/snacks so you are less tempted by other things...Also sorry to hear about your bf situation, i hope things get better:))

thinnside40 on 01/09/2009:
Be honest and open... Communication has got to be one of the hardest aspects of a relationship...Married or not.... It may make/break your situation, but at least honesty is the best & healthiest policy... Nobody wants to be miserable, trying to always make the other happy.. I know I don't.... Trip him in passing to make him stop long enough to not let him "avoid" you...maybe?!?!?!? ;O) Things don't have to get ugly, especially if their is true love involved... Love is sometimes stepping away....

Your a wise person.... You will figure it out... Best of luck!

crittermom on 01/09/2009:
Sometimes, you just have to say "bottom line...am I willing to live like this, with him, forever...or not?" When you answer that, then you have a couple of options: talk it over and make some changes, agree to disagree, or decide that this is not the path that either of you wants to pursue...and cut your losses.

I hope you'll have the wisdom to look deep inside, to know which way to go with it. Good luck!

see_maw on 01/09/2009:
Life is too short to live in misery. Tell him directly you need his undivided attention - then speak your mind. Good Luck!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/09/2009:
LOL. i'm a VERY logical thinker too. it's hard for me to ged into anything fictional...i don't even like Charmed because i can't get into the magic aspect of it! LOL.

i hope you get to the gym!

legcramps - Wednesday Jan 07, 2009

Weight: 0.0

So yesterday was my curling night.  You know, I really do suck at curling.  I'm trying to find a polite and respectful way of telling my teammates that there is no possible way I am going to put myself through this next year.  My biggest complaint to date is that I can't hear anything!  I'm so horribly deaf out on the rink, everyone's voices gets inter-mingled and I can't pick out a conversation to save my life!  If I hear sweep, I sweep, and then I realize afterwards that the voice I heard was three sheets over!  Oy.  Anyways, even without the hearing impairment, I still suck at curling.  And.  Really.  Let's face it - I don't actually care all that much about getting any better, either.  I just don't.  But that's not polite and respectful, so i'll have to keep thinking about how to break it to my teammates.

I drank a litre of water yesterday.  It's a good start and i'm hoping that eventually we can work ourselves up to three litres, but we'll see about that.  I'm doing this with the same friend that has agreed to run with me in August.  We're taking things slowly and i'm okay with that because i'm in no rush lately... literally... I was late to curling last night and late to work this morning because I couldn't get my lazy butt to move around the house fast enough... so it's okay that I don't have to work too hard to drink so much water.  Yes, i'm okay with that.  Yes, i'm babbling.

My period is not hurting as much as usual (knock on wood).  I wonder if it's because I was taking Advil for about three days before I got my period... hmmn.  It could be, because I don't know what else it could be.  I'm still trying to find out about an alternative health centre so I can get a blood analysis done.  I just want to feel normal for more than a few consecutive days!  Too much to ask?  Maybe.

crittermom on 01/07/2009:
Curling? That's something I've never tried. I am right there with you on the hearing impairment. If I'm in a place with lots of background noise (like a restaurant, with people talking) then I can't make out what the people around me are saying. I've gotten very good at reading lips. Maybe we should both get an appointment with an audiologist?

skinnyjeans on 01/07/2009:
Yep...I've read that taking Advil before your period starts really helps. And great job with your water intake!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/07/2009:
yay to less cramps! LOL

mama_nurse on 01/07/2009:
Advil will definitely help~~it's a great anti-inflammatory for menstural cramps, works wonders for me too

legcramps - Tuesday Jan 06, 2009

Weight: 0.0

I just erased a big, honking entry.  Grrrr...

Well, let's re-iterate (although in not so quite a lengthy conversation):

Mother Nature has blessed me with my period and though i'm taking Advil, I can feel the pain trying to assassinate my body.  I hope I can last through it, because I truly don't want to miss anymore work.

New Year's Eve was great.  Went for supper with some friends and then back to our house and played Jenga for most of the rest of the night.  It was a really lovely, relaxing time.  I'm so glad we decided to not go to the bar, because I the next day I heard it was a jungle of people and I hate large crowds.  Good times.  Even the next day, Jan 1st, was a good day!  You guys, i'm on a roll!

Since then i've had my ups and downs, normal everyday life for me.  I started running again on the treadmill, though we are only starting out with three minutes of running to every half an hour of treadmill time.  Plus I am making a chart to track my water intake and a few other things I can't think of right now because my brain just doesn't want to work.  Anyways, the moral of the story is that i'm doing well in 2009 so far.  I count my blessings while I can...

I have to get back to work now - talk soon!

thinnside40 on 01/06/2009:
Doing good in '09...... Keep it up!

Maria* on 01/06/2009:
Hello to you!

see_maw on 01/06/2009:
I hate when that happens - I have had that happen to me twice.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2009:
wow! you're doing really well! good idea with starting out running slowly. i have a weird plan right now - mostly yoga and about 1 or possibly 2 days of actual cardio a week! i like it!

grumpy on 01/06/2009:
Great, keep it up!

legcramps - Tuesday Dec 30, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Howdy!  Happy Holidays!

I am still sick, but much better so I count my tiny blessings and am grateful for whatever brief reprieve I can get.  Today I am sneezy and experiencing some head congestion, and am still coughing up lungs left and right.  I am praying that I do not get sick again for New Year's, as I would love to start the new year off in a healthy, happy way!  I remember that I was also this sick last year for New Year's Eve, and look where THAT got me!!

On the 22nd I went home from work at lunchtime, never to return for the rest of the week.  I struggled through my boyfriend's family's christmas gathering that night, then rested until Wednesday night.  On Wednesday night I found my voice again.  Oh, wondrous voice, how I missed thee...

So, during Christmas, gifts were opened, food was eaten (perhaps slightly too much), family and friends were visited.  It is all very blurry and grey for me.  I don't remember any one thing, but I can remember in general how each day went - I was sick, people felt sorry for me, I was spoiled and attended to unnecessarily, I exhausted myself each time I spoke a sentance, I went home nearly falling over from sleep deprivation, I tossed and turned all night, and I spent a good chunk of my time reading and keeping to myself.  BAH-HUMBUG!

Anyways, there isn't much more to tell about my holiday experience, really it was very dull and boring.  We plan to go out with friends on New Year's Eve, so that may be a little more exciting to hear about.

I am making plans to get a blood analysis done in the new year.  I will do almost anything to have this done.  It's all I can think to do, since i've been sick so much.  Even better, my period is coming due in about three more days and i'll probably be sick again.  Joy.

On a happier note (am I going on random tangents in this entry?  it sort of feels that way), I was given an art case for christmas that holds unimaginable opportunities - acrylic paint, pastels, pencils, blending instruments, brushes, etc.  The opportunities are endless.  Well, right now they're limited, actually, because the only thing I can paint are pictures of scenery.  I love to sketch though, I love pencil crayons!  I'm such a kindergartner!

skinnyjeans on 12/30/2008:
Ooo that art case sounds like fun! I was an art major in college. Have fun and get well soon!!

thinnside40 on 12/30/2008:
Oh yes, I will start holding my chin (both of them at this point) up higher and start feeling worth the effort that I do put into myself...Lost that for a bit in getting comfortable I guess... Comfortable in the fact of "cheating" and not gaining is NOT a good choice..It DOES catch up!

Happy New Year!.... Hope you are feeling 100% better soon and/or can figure out by blood tests what is going on...

jolt on 12/30/2008:
Hey You,

I hope you are feeling better soon! I myself have been sick with the same thing since the 22nd or so! I have been in bed since Christmas day. The only good thing that came out of it was I couldn't/didn't actually eat much. I am still not back at work! Hopeing to recover to start 2009 fresh and healthy!

Keep up the excellent work! The art case sounds great I love to do that well actually I suck at drawing but I love colouring!



Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/30/2008:
feel better!!! perhaps your iron is low? do you not eat enough leafy greens/meat/protein?

so my holiday has been "boring" too. but i'm liking it that way. it's giving me a chance to focus on fitness and health and i'm making some progress. i'm doing something for NYE and maybe a get together on the weekend or so but that's it. i see nothing wrong with it. as long as we're happy.

happy NYE to you!

legcramps - Monday Dec 22, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Oh my Lord.  It's amazing that I am still in such a good mood (and I say 'good mood' lightly because maybe others might think "really not such a good mood").  I am sick again.  This time, I have a cold.  Or Influenza, laryngitis, or bronchitis.  One of those things.  I'd been sneezing at work for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden developed a sore throat on Thursday morning.  I became quite sick very quickly and went home from work, spending most of my day on the couch, groaning every time a sinus pain coursed behind my eyes.  Claritin didn't work.  Advil didn't work.  Robitussin didn't work, and neither did NyQuil.  The only thing that seemed to ease a bit was my sore throat - and that, of course was a sign that things were about to get much, much worse.

Friday I phoned in sick again because I could hardly breathe.  It was so incredibly dry in the house that I pressured my boyfriend into buying a $200 humidifier.  Five gallons of water and eight hours later, I was feeling slightly better and could lift my head off my pillow to talk.

Saturday, sick.  I tried wrapping christmas presents because I knew I would accomplish nothing else.  It took me over two hours, and it was a horrible nightmare.  I really don't know how I got it done, but i'm really glad I don't have to open any of the gifts I wrapped - they might need scissors to get them open.  I'm sure I was vocally moaning in pain the whole time.  Good thing no one was around to hear me.

Sunday I was hoarse.  My cold had travelled from my sinus to my chest, and I could barely speak a word.  But at least the headache was gone!  I managed to get up and move around, took a shower, did some baking, prepared for work the next day.  This was the first night I attempted to sleep upstairs (heat rises, and the water index does not) and it was not a success.  I woke up every hour, tossing and turning and praying to God I wouldn't have to wake up in this pain in the morning.  Around 3:30 a.m., I grabbed my pillow and went back downstairs to the couch.  Unfortunately, by this time the damage was done.

This morning I fooled myself, thought I felt okay, and got ready for work.  I should've tested my voice but didn't.  It was worse than Sunday, though I had no headache and only a stuffy nose to go with my hoarse throat.  It got worse during the morning and eventually I had to admit defeat.  I could barely talk, having to push my esophagus to its maximum level just to get out a couple of syllables.  It felt like I was yelling all the time, except nothing was coming out!

When I finally decided to come home, I sat on the couch in front of the t.v. and could literally feel my sinuses start to congest all over again.  That stupid headache is back and my head feels as if it weighs 50 pounds.

I tried to make an appointment with a doctor, but they're all booked up.  So, either I live with it and call in sick again tomorrow (and most probably be sick during the holidays), or I head to the hospital's Emergency area and see a doctor there tonight.

I've been sick so much this year, my immune system is probably so weak by now that it's just letting in every single bug, virus, or bacteria it sees.  "Yeah!  Come on in!  There's a party going on in here!"

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/24/2008:
awww. being sick sucks to say the least. i hope you feel better soon so you can enjoy the holiday!

Jen40 on 12/26/2008:
Poor you!!! Get well soon. I love your style of writing by the way. you kept me reading!

legcramps - Tuesday Dec 16, 2008

Weight: 0.0

I am not very pleased with my weight, nor am I with the measurements that i've been taking for the past four months.  I've increased almost three inches in my hips since September.  That's crazy!  How???  Ok, forgettaboutit, let's just move on.

Life is still good, i've managed to continue my good mood even throughout pms and all that jazz.  And that says a lot for me, 'cause i've had so many ups and downs in my moods lately that I don't even know which way is up anymore!  So, there are a couple of things i'm doing and planning, to update you:

- I'm curling on Tuesday nights (about two hours)

- I go to the gym Sunday, Monday and Thursday night to walk on the treadmill - right now, only doing 30 minutes but I do plan to bump this up slightly in the new year or incorporate running into the 30 minutes.

- In February, I am registered for a yoga class on Wednesday nights (one hour)

That's about all I can handle right now, I think.  I like having Friday and Saturday off, although it's seeming like there's always something to do, especially around the holiday time.

My cousin came to visit this past weekend and we went to the gym together.  We both went on the treadmill to walk and then ended up running during the last ten minutes of our 30 minute walk.  I sweated and it felt good!  My knee hurts, but i'm hoping that will go away once it starts to get easier.  Not that i'm planning on running again for a while.  My body weight wouldn't support me in that decision, I don't think!

thinnside40 on 12/16/2008:
Who is you?...... So glad to hear from you today!.....

skinnyjeans on 12/16/2008:
Sounds like you have an excellent workout plan! That is great. :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/16/2008:
i know what you mean about running. my knee has been bothering me also because of the body weight issue.

we can do it. the key is keeping oneself busy. i would do better at this if i didn't have to plan study time...or procrastination time it seems...

you're doing good, keep it up.

legcramps - Friday Nov 21, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Had a good day yesterday, but I did eat a half cup of ice cream.  I was going to put crumbled oreo cookies into it, but instead ate one cookie and put the rest away.  Yowsa, it's a week of firsts!

I've been cooking every evening since we bought our new stove.  I bet I haven't cooked a meal for us in months, it's crazy.  I do realize now how therapeutic it is though, as well as baking.  I lose myself in the concentration it takes to put things together and it's very gratifying work (at least, when it works out and there's someone around to tell you how good it is!).  I have been in a better mood for about a week now, and I do believe it has a lot to do with getting this oven as well as being able to eat with my boyfriend instead of at different times of the night.  Long time coming, I tell 'ya.

So Thursday my exercise was the 30 minute walk in the morning.  I watched Survivor Gabon in the evening after dinner and went to bed early.  I did not want to wake up this morning so slept in and had to scramble to get to work in time.  I even gave myself heartburn trying to shovel (oh yes, literally shovel) cereal into my mouth, working against time!

I notice at work today that I am drinking too much coffee and not enough water.  I'll try to balance that out this afternoon.  I brought watermelon to snack on - it is very ripe and looks so wonderful that my mouth waters just thinking about eating it...

skinnyjeans on 11/21/2008:
Glad you are enjoying your new stove! And watermelon is a great snack! Especially when it's perfectly ripe. YUM.

sweetpea1977 on 11/21/2008:
At least it was only 1/2 cup of ice cream. Its very hard for me to stick to such a small amount, lol, which is why I never keep it in my house. Ice cream is a huge weakness for me!

I finding cooking and baking very theraputic too. Thats one reason why I love the holidays - it gives me the perfect excuse to cook and bake up a storm! :) Plus, I love being able to create yummy healthy food on a daily basis. In a strange way, it makes me feel powerful!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/22/2008:
feel better, girl. cooking must be therapeutic, as long as you are not rushing for time, as i have been lately! :)

trishpiglet3 on 11/25/2008:
Well done with all the home cooking! :)

legcramps - Thursday Nov 20, 2008

Weight: 0.0

I feel better today, I think perhaps my hormones are a little out of whack since I seem to be soooo verrrrryyy emotional these days.  Months.  At least for the last couple of years...

Anyhow, so far the week is progressing well.  I had no exercise on Monday, but that's because we bought a new stove so I HAD to try out all the features and then my boyfriend's sister came for a visit.  We watch Avatar every Monday night - she loves it and it's good quality family time.  We get along really great even though she is 7 or 8 years younger than me.  That should tell you a lot about my maturity level...  lol

Tuesday morning I went for a 30 minute walk with a friend, then curled that night for 2 and 1/2 hours.  I was still sore from the week before, and i'm pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my inner thigh, so i'll be suffering through that for a couple more weeks probably.  We lost the game 12 to 5   I hate to lose.

Wednesday after work I spent about 20 minutes shovelling the driveway since we finally received the first snowfall that will undoubtedly end up sticking around until spring.  My boyfriend was very surprised to see me out there shovelling, but did not mention how great it was to see me out there since i'd really been doing sweet nothings for the last few months.

This morning was another 30 minute walk with a friend.  Omph my legs hurt and my knee is bruised, but I know it's worth it... i'm debating whether or not to consult a doctor in regards to my stomach and back issues since they've been cropping up again in the last few months.  I really think it's stress but am unsure as to what I can do about it.  Unfortunately, it is a HUGE factor in determining both work and play schedules, and that's starting to get on my nerves!

Also debating applying for a different position in town.  I don't know if I should - i'm far too cautious and stressed to deal with this right now!  Sometimes I wish I could take more risks.  Imagine what we could do if we were guaranteed a happy ending!!

legcramps - Friday Nov 14, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Well, i'm really frustrated.  Really.  Discouraged and frustrated, and ready to pop!  No, literally, my belly is so distended and bloated, if I stuck it with a pin i'd pop.

I need some things to change, namely the amount of stress my job and my boyfriend bring me.  Yup, some attitudes need to change or i'm out.  Done.  Hoo-ha.  Phooey.

I have felt crappy since my last journal entry, off and on ever since.  I just can't seem to get it right, not the same way I could before.  I don't know what has changed, but I just don't have the motivation.  Or the incentive, courage, brains, power, strength, mobility, blah blah blah, that I had before.  It's so discouraging!

I've gained more weight, but refuse to post it for fear that it will stare me in the face and will motivate me to no longer log on and journal.  Since I don't want that to happen, we shall never know how much I weigh.  Until I can once again say something like 150 pounds.  Yup, trust me, not even close.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/29/2008:
sounds like a good time! :)

skinnyjeans on 10/30/2008:
I love haunted houses!!! How fun!!! :)

borntocry on 11/06/2008:
Hey babe. 'Sup? Just wanted to say thanks for your comments, and for missing me. I think of you often - you're a star. Unfortunately I have gained too much weight to show my face here ever again. Well, not for a while at least...

borntocry on 11/06/2008:
P.S. Congrats to your boyfriend for his 5K time!

skinnyjeans on 11/14/2008:
It's okay if you've gained a bit of weight. Just get back on the horse! You'll find your motivation soon I'm sure. :)

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