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legcramps - Monday Nov 26, 2007

Weight: 0.0

Seriously, I need a break. From what? Well, almost everything I think. I need a break from work especially though - it is so all-consuming and stressful here right now. I've lost my supervisor to another area of the region and it saddens me because she was so wonderful to work for and i'm scared of what will happen next. Well, I suppose change is good, so we'll see if that saying is actually true. But I am still sad and I will be for a long time to come, sort of a mourning period for me right now.

That's one of the reasons I haven't been on here recently. Another reason is because it's getting closer to Christmas and I panic about almost everything a person can possibly panic about over Christmas. I need to get presents bought and wrapped, get the tree up and the decorating done, make sure my boyfriend fixes the wood stove and replaces the water jug - like, today - because he'll be working away from home until Dec 22nd. Yippee. That was sarcasm, if you didn't notice...

Anyways, i'm so stressed over the Christmas season and needing to do ten million things that i'm losing track of everything else - work and recreation activities are only a distant memory at the moment. My days consist of this (here is an actual week that I would have):

Monday: work, get groceries, walk dogs, make gift list/// Tuesday: work, two hours of exercise classes, shop online for gifts/// Wednesday: work, wrap gifts and decorate, baking, clean house, one hour of gym workout/// Thursday: work, stress over Christmas and decide I need to do more, shop online, decorate, one hour of exercise class/// Friday: work, stress some more and over-buy for people, walk dogs, modify and re-do gift list/// Saturday: get up early, one hour of gym workout, visit as many friends and family as possible in one afternoon because I didn't get to see anyone during the week, stress some more over gifts but decide not to do anything about it today (except stress)/// Sunday: get up early, one hour of gym workout, do laundry, clean house, check gift list and decide to rip it up and start fresh on Monday, baking, fall into bed.

I wish those activities like going to the gym, exercise classes or walking the dogs would de-stress me a little bit, but they don't. They make it worse because I could be doing so much more in the time i'm using for this exercise bull-sh!t. See? I'm going nut-zo.

I think the worst thing about my weeks are that i'm letting the stress bring me down. Don't get me wrong - i'm still in a pretty good mood, which is really surprising for me - but I can just feel the stress ulcers boiling up in my body...

hollybelle on 11/26/2007:
There's a lot on that list - but you are getting it done (or at least mostly???) so there is success in that. Change of supervisors is scary. Hope it turns out ok for you. There is a tendency to fear the unknown - but I hae another saying - don't borrow trouble - hold off worrying until you know what you will face. Your post made me want to release a BIG sigh. Try to get a minute or two (yes just a little time works wonders) to yourself to de-stress. Don't miss the joy of the season because you are worried about crossing all the "t"s or dottin all the "i"s. There will be only one Christmas Season (celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus) in 2007 and it will happen wether or not you enjoy it - don't let it pass you by. Best wishes and blessings to you.


workingit2 on 11/26/2007:
Being afraid of change is perfectly normal. The number one thing people fear is change, followed by snakes lol. Take care of yourself and find you some ME time!


borntocry on 11/27/2007:
I feel the same way at the moment - like the stress is actually doing damage to my body. You mustn't let that happen - seriously. I was diagnosed with a serious health condition a couple of years ago which is caused in part by stress. And once you get something like that, it never goes away. So you've got to learn to relax!

When you're at the gym or walking the dogs, use that time to mentally sort through your list of things to do. Plan out your time and try to think of the most efficient way to get everything done. That's what I do and it really does help. I feel calmer afterwards with a clearer idea of how to proceed. For instance, you can use your exercise time to brainstorm for gifts. I had to buy birthday/wedding presents for a whole bunch of people this summer and the ideas all came to me while I was out running, mulling things over in my head. And what's more, it takes your mind off the exercise and makes that seem a little easier, too!

I also know how you feel about your supervisor at work. I felt the same way when my old boss left. She was one of the people who inspired me to start running, so I was quite sad to see her go. I also really hate change of any sort, but you know, sometimes there's nothing you can do about it and you just have to go with the flow.

I watched the Grey Cup too, you know. We get this new television channel here now - NASN (North American Sports Network) and they show a lot of CFL. We had been rooting for the Roughriders since the beginning (no reason - we just like the name!). So we were really glad when they won!

Sounds like you had a great spread at your friend's place. I am planning to do something like that for the Superbowl. Only it's going to be more like snacks than a proper meal. And I'm going to try not to make too many of my personal favourites!


biscottibody59 on 11/27/2007:
RYC: my problem is Thanksgiving--not a great excuse!

Hey, I've had this thing sitting here from a defensive driving course I recently took (of all things). Maybe you can take something from it.

To Escape the Stress Trap:

1. Recognize the problem 2. Prepare new responses to familiar situations 3. Adjust your expectations 4. Put things into perspective 5. Don't be a perfectionist 6. Write down your daily schedule 7. Exercise Regularly

And I would add try to resist being hard on yourself--your expectations may be blown out of all proportion. Also, losing a beloved supervisor for any reason is a valid reason to be upset--good supervisors are few and far between--I hope her replacement suits you.

Take it easy!



legcramps - Monday Nov 05, 2007

Weight: 0.0

Ugh. When does the business of life slow down?? Ever? EVER???

Working like a fiend to catch up on things, even though I haven't missed a whole lot of time away from the office. I guess it's a good thing as long as I can finish all my projects in time, otherwise I shall be a bit frustrated.

So I went on an ice cream pilot project in October. I was feeling really crappy in September and I am thinking that it was because of all the ice cream i'd been eating that month. Crazy amounts! So, after three weeks of an all-out ice cream fest, I decided to quit. Cold Turkey. Something that is extremely hard to do when you become addicted to it and it's a part of your normal everyday routine. I guess you know all about that though, so i'll just move on...

After three weeks of not even a smidgen of ice cream nearing my lips, I caved on Halloween Night. OOOOooo, scary. I asked my boyfriend 'wouldn't he like an ice cream?' and basically forced him into agreeing that ice cream was a good idea. On Thursday afternoon, whilst sitting at my desk at the office, I nearly had a breakdown. I was sick, not physically, but mentally. Really, literally, mentally ill. I barely made it home without sobbing, and once at home took it all out on my boyfriend, then proceeded to feel guilty and cry about that, too. Then, out of nowhere came the mean hand of anger. And I was angry!! Holy, was I angry! At what, I have no idea. I don't know why I was overcome with sadness, either. After bouncing off the two emotions for a good six hours, I finally pushed myself into bed and lay there almost panic stricken for about half an hour before I could fall asleep.

I think I need to find a substitute for ice cream. My boyfriend's Dad thinks I should take some more tests - you know, try hard ice cream next time instead of soft ice cream. HAHA, did you think I meant doctor's tests?!!

Anyways, all this trouble would never have started if I wasn't with my boyfriend. He's way more of an ice cream freak than I am. Two years ago, I could've taken it or left it - didn't matter one bit to me. But now, addicted.

Yes, I blame him. I've gotta blame someone other than myself...

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/08/2007:
LOL!? you blam your bf for your ice cream addiction!? don't we all...lol.

yeah, my crazy life is going to be getting busier too! but, i tell you, life is probably better busy than dull and boring always.


borntocry on 11/15/2007:
Hi legcramps! Great to catch up with you. You know, I must say I can relate to your last entry. My husband has gotten me addicted to pop. I never used to drink it before - in fact I hated it. But now, yep, addicted.



legcramps - Sunday Oct 21, 2007

Weight: 0.0

I am now in Phoenix and enjoying the warm weather. Warm by my standards, anyhow!

The Hotel we're staying at is nice in that it has free internet access. So, don't be suprised if I pop in once or twice more before we leave! Right now I am waiting for my boyfriend to finish picking up his tux, so I am a bit bored...but that's okay, because this is a holiday! And, I can be bored if I want to!

The hotel has a fitness centre, so after this entry i'm going to check it out and maybe do a workout on the treadmill or something.

Take care all!

shadetree on 10/21/2007:
I had some sort of chicken (can't remember what it's called, but it was good) with a baked sweet potato, also good. My husband had the grilled shrimp with wild rice and grilled veggies, and he ate it all. You can go online to view the menu (you have to go to the text only version) and it gives a pretty good description of the food. My stepdaughter loves their caesar salad, had that with some chicken dish...There's something for everyone!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/26/2007:
Sounds like a nice place! Phoenix must be having really nice weather now! I'd love to live somewhere like Phoenix where the weather is dry and it's perfect for exercising. However, it must get really HOT in the sumer! The hotel your staying in sounds nice!



legcramps - Thursday Oct 18, 2007

Weight: 0.0

Thank you fritters!! You are so right, I need to slow down!

Again, I had a hard day at work. An out of town meeting in the morning meant that I didn't get back in time for lunch. I chose work over food - again - and when the work was over my hands and forearms were trembling so badly that I ate straight away when I got home. Obviously, I need to make a few mistakes so that I can learn from them... but for goodness' sake legcramps, why are you doing this to yourself???!

I am off tomorrow to see my Dad, then grabbing a flight to Phoenix to attend a friend's wedding. Can't wait! It will be so much warmer than it is here!

Oh, right... slow down...

I am pms'ing now. I'll be sicker than a dog tomorrow, I know it, but i'll persevere because this just can't get me down!

I see an Outback Steakhouse night in my near future - and movie theatre complete with popcorn as well. Hmmn. Will need to practice willpower this week. Will. Power.

workingit2 on 10/19/2007:
It is only normal to see the 'goodies' of what we dieters consider forbidden foods, when everything else in our lives has controlled us for the past week. Somehow it just feels GOOD to give ourselves whatever we want, and food is such a focus of our lives as dieters, that it is only natural that this is what we think of first when we can finally take off the work clothes. Work, UGH.


fritters on 10/19/2007:
I hope you have a good visit with your dad and enjoy your trip. I would love to go someplace warm!! Outback might not be bad - just skip the potato - or get the sweet potato.



legcramps - Wednesday Oct 17, 2007

Weight: 0.0

OMG, I was so preoccupied with getting my boyfriend off to the airport yesterday that I totally missed my Thai Chi and kickboxing class! I mean, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEM!!! How sad is that?!!

I am sooooo busy. I have to go. I'll try and update later!

fritters on 10/17/2007:
Slow down!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/17/2007:
LOL, thanks for the comment about the whole wheat wrap! :)

missing tai chi shows the true love you have for your boyfriend!! LOL sorry to hear you cannot partake! have no fear, you'll get back into it! :)


workingit2 on 10/17/2007:
LOL I would do the same.



legcramps - Sunday Oct 14, 2007

Weight: 0.0

This morning I had to run around and look for an outfit for my boyfriend to wear for a friend's wedding rehearsal dinner that's coming up this weekend. I didn't get back to town until after lunch and I missed actually sitting down and having lunch. Then I went over to grandma's to talk with her about some of her finances, then to a friend's for a visit and a gathering of wits so to speak. When I got home I felt so dizzy and faint that I could have gone straight to bed right then! Not even one day after learning so much about diabetes and there I am, skipping meals and living on coffee! So I forced myself (and forced is not a strong word here - I really did have to force myself) to get up and drive to Subway where I picked up a simple wrap and some gingerale (always makes my tummy feel better). I'm very glad I did that, but I really need to learn to plan ahead. I would easily have gone without dinner as well tonight, and then decided at 9pm that I was starving and pigged out on some thing or other.

So I think a friend of mine is planning on joining a gym in the next few weeks. This will be great because i'll be able to join with her and have someone to go with. So the next 'baby step' of my plan should be well underway when I get back from vacation. The next baby step is going to be to make sure i'm eating every four hours. Even if it's a cracker for goodness' sake, at least it's something. Not much of a baby step maybe, but one day at a time!

Tonight maybe we'll walk the dogs. Or not. Who knows.

Exercise for October: 7 hours and 45 minutes. Ugh, that's terrible!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/14/2007:
kombucha is this drink made like tea and it actually contains hardly any calories in a 12 ounce bottle. 60 calories and some carbonation. It's taste is almost like bear and its very satisfying and hits the spot!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/14/2007:
for me, eating every 3 hours works best. even stranger, my body likes to eat like every two hours in the mornings!!! for some reason, my body seems to need much more food earlier in the day. as even strikes, cravings generally die down - unless i didn't eat enough beforehand.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/14/2007:
what kind of wrap was it? plain white or was it a large whole wheat wrap??


fritters on 10/15/2007:
Diabetes is a scarry thing - I don't know a lot about it, but I know that you have to eat reagulary. You might even try a meal then 2 hours later a small snack that contains protien.



legcramps - Saturday Oct 13, 2007

Weight: 0.0

I've been doing pretty good this last week, I have to say. This afternoon i'm being lazy and doing hardly anything at all - oh, I need a rest. What a long workweek it was, even having Monday off. Actually, having a day off is what made the workweek even longer - so much work to catch up on when you miss a day! I don't know what will happen when I take a week off starting on the 19th!! Oh well, not going to worry about it.

I went to a Diabetes Forum this morning. Primarily I did it for preventative reasons because both my dad and my mom's dad have been diagnosed with diabetes. I don't want it to happen to me, but have already started feeling the effects of it. Some of the symptoms that i've experienced: fatigue, nausea, dizziness, depression, mood changes, trembling hands, cold sensation, tingling or numb hands and feet. These are all symptoms of diabetes, and it chills me to the bone to think that I am feeling them all at 30 years of age... anyhow, I got loads of good information and will try my best to follow some of these guidelines and slowly chip away at getting myself into better health. Note to everyone out there: even if you think you're in shape and healthy, there are sooooo many things you can do to more fully experience life at its fullest! This is only one of many - i've also touched base with workshops dealing in arthritis (my boyfriend) and osteoporosis (my mom). I believe the more we know, the better able we are to prevent and manage chronic disease!

I look forward to Tai Chi each week, and kickboxing, but I know that I need to add more to my agenda. So, hopefully when I get back from my trip to Phoenix i'll be motivated to join the gym again and start working out there once a week. Baby steps!

Donkey on 10/13/2007:
That is really scary about diabetes. How sad to think that your life could be impacted. If that were me, man, I'd do everything in my power to prevent it. I would make it #1 priority. Good luck to you.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/13/2007:
tai chi sounds great. you know, i just wrote on someone's diary that i would reward myself with yoga. however, maybe i should reward myself (when i do not binge/gain weight for at least a month...) with a more cardiovascular/movement centered class. Kickboxing sounds awesome. I did it awhile ago; and boy its great exercise. After i eat, like when i have a subway sandwich and chips, i could pass out right after. It makes me soooo tired. all carbs do this to me. It's sick. Before i eat, i get shakey plenty. But, doctors have always said i'm fine. oh well.

oh, i do try mini meals and my mom used to make fun of me and bother me about it. she'd be like, "eating again!?" but, she wasn't kidding. she was teasing me for always needing food. however, when i ate that way, i was the strictist and looked my best. Not sure if i always felt my best - since i was really limiting calories to like 1200 a day. however, my work schedule isn't that great. I start at 8:20 and do not get a breat until 1:55. Thats a long time to go without a break; and even if i bring a snack, it's not the same as taking a breather for 20 minutes. Also, sometimes i get self conscious about what other people think of my eating, like, "why is she eating now...can't she go a minute without food?" haha, but that won't bother me. i'll just tell them i need to eat before my late lunch. it just annoys me that i can't have some privacy on what i eat and that i feel rushed eating the snack. lunch is a good 40 minutes...so i'd rather have a nice, full lunch. however, it's just too late in the day and i'm too shakey to wait until then. so, i agree with you, i've got to plan better. Usually I am a mini meal person. Otherwise, i feel sick all day. :)


workingit2 on 10/14/2007:
I am right with you about the diabetes thing. My dad has it and I am deathly afraid of developing it. That was the biggest reason I started to lose the weight in the first place. Now with my sudden regain of weight, I am afraid of it even more. I looked at some literature while at the doctors office and found that the hospital he is connected with, has lots of different seminars, some free, some not. I thought I'd take a look at them and am happy that you found them to be helpful. Have you been to get tested for diabetes yet this year?



legcramps - Saturday Oct 06, 2007

Weight: 0.0

I'm still very upset over what i've been hearing. I guess i'm a perfectionist, and my image matters to me quite a bit. When I overhear things being said at my workplace, it bothers me because 1/3 of this organization's employees make up the entire town I live in. And it's not even that things are being said about me - I would never, repeat NEVER allow that to happen (and people know that about me now, I've had to do my share of tracking back to the horse's mouth in the past and I think i've done my job of intimidating people), it's more that they are saying things that will AFFECT me in some way. I just hugely do not appreciate gossip and rumors and I so sincerely wish that I could show to them in some way how much their words can impact another's life. I guess this is the same scenario as the 'bully at school'. Maybe I shouldn't get myself involved, but then how is anything ever going to change or get better? I can't just ignore this harsh reality staring me in the face. I swear there's someone in the back of my mind telling me that I can't back down from these people - I will never back down.

Anyhow.

We went to the drive in theatre last night to watch Hairspray. OMG, John Travolta is hilarious!!!! My boyfriend isn't a fan of musicals, but he laughed almost all the way through this one! It was great! I have to buy the dvd!!!

I took Friday off for exercise, which means that I need to do something either today or tomorrow to get in three days this week. It's raining pretty hard outside today, but there's lots of things I can do inside and I think i'll even practice my Tai Chi movements today.

Good luck to everyone this weekend. And since it's Canadian Thanksgiving - Happy Turkey Day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/06/2007:
hey legcramps. basically, i walk or use the elliptical. i used to do weight training and yoga, but i've put them aside for a few months now.

i have gained a little under 10 lbs in 2 months...really one month...because of my behavior. luckily, i've been walking a bit, so at least i'm a little more toned than if i were to do no activity. however, my clothes are getting small and i do not want to purchase new ones!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/07/2007:
Gosh, what's with those people!? why do they say all those things!? actually, some people i presume are just mean people. In fact, I do recall there are certain people that just DON'T come off as nice. This is sad and i'm sorry you have to work with them. but, you know, don't take it personally. there's this one reading teacher in the school I work at and thankfully I don't assist her. She is soo mean. even to the kids. The 2 women that assist her get an earful also. she's straight up nasty...even raising her voice and tormenting children and adults when she doesn't like what you're doing! even sadder, i work in a really GOOD school disrict. It's amazing this woman was not fired. She's been there so long, it's difficult to do.

It's difficult for those people that work with the woman i mentioned to get through their day without becoming negative themselves. All i can say is to constantly tell yourself you ARE better than that. Don't let people's nastiness ruin you. also, find the people who are positive and stick around them. ignore the others to the best of your ability.


Donkey on 10/07/2007:
What I hear from you is that your workplace is filled with negative energy and it is toxic to you (as I would imagine it would be to anyone). Yuck! I really dislike it when a workplace -- of all places -- is like that. I mean, sometimes I just want to say, "How old are you people? 7? 13?" UGH. I only hope that you can find a niche of peace somewhere at work.


biscottibody59 on 10/07/2007:
Happy Thanksgiving!


workingit2 on 10/07/2007:
I thought Hairspray was a riot!

I don't like anyone saying negative stuff about me either..especially when I know that I bust my butt at the job. I take a lot of pride in the work I do, and there is always some folks who enjoy trying to tear it down. It is like they get some kind of thrill from watching other people suffer from their mouth. They are everywhere...big towns, small towns, I live in a big town and you wouldn't think they talk about anyone..oh but they do. Heck, they really get after each other in the farm community my folks live in. Everyone knows about everyone else..or at least they THINK they know. Peyton Place times four LOL

Good luck!



legcramps - Friday Oct 05, 2007

Weight: 0.0

Well, crap, didn't I tell you this would happen???!

After all my lovely comments yesterday about how good life was, reality just had to swoop down and knock me over the head. I definitely jinxed myself by saying anything at all about how well things were going.

So, my question to pose to the world today is: Why do some people think it's fun to talk crap about others? Why is it a goal for some to ruin other people's lives? Tell me all you want about how to turn the other cheek; tell me they're only jealous; tell me it doesn't matter what people think; tell me any of that and i'll agree with you - only, right now, it doesn't really matter much. Because I can't turn the other cheek or stop caring about what people say. Because no matter how hard I try, they recklessly plow on and continue to say dirty rotten sticking things. No matter how much I ignore them (and you never really succeed in ignoring them) I can't actually stop them from doing crappy things like this over and over again. I've had enough of discompassionate people, enough of gabby hazes (gossipers), enough of people in general altogether. I've just had ENOUGH!!

Oh, but carry on little grasshopper, all's well that ends well, keep your chin up, grin and bear it, good things come to those who wait.

Sometimes, it's all just....crap. And, yes, maybe I need some counselling. I know I can't control the world. Just, for about three months, can I not have people saying mean things about me, my friends and my family? Please, just for three months?

Sometimes I hate small towns.

total exercise for october - 3 hours, 45 minutes

nsa on 10/05/2007:
A lot of people have such low self esteem and self respect that the only way they can feel any better is to knock someone when they are down... It's sad.

Don't let em bring you down...

And by the way - "Gabby Hazes" - I LOL'd


biscottibody59 on 10/05/2007:
Keep close to your friends for comfort. I hope it blows over and the gossipy ones move on to someone else!

I took a tai chi class a zillion years ago--I didn't keep up with it--so I remember next to nothing!


Donkey on 10/05/2007:
Well, I was going to try to give you some encouragement until you said you lived in a small town. Been there, done that. It was like that at my gym (not the one I'm at now). That was a MAJOR gossip hub. HUGE. I moved.


workingit2 on 10/06/2007:
The condo community I live in is full of gossips. I don't associate with any of them, never have, never will. Yet, they all seem to think they know what my life is all about. Grown folks sitting outside, casting judgement down on others. I shake my head at them, but I don't allow myself to get upset because that means they have control...and I'll be darned if they are going to take anything from me by force, or by mouth. Forget that.

The best revenge in the world is to keep living your life with your head held high and looking THROUGH them as if they don't matter. Even though you may be all torn up inside, they don't have the right to know that. Sometimes a game face is all we have the puts a wall between us and them.

I hope your day goes better...and don't worry...the saying "he who gossips about another, will gossip about you in time" is true. They will turn and feed on each other if you are no longer upset by their nonsense. Smile and wave at them with that look in your eye....make them wonder. =)



legcramps - Thursday Oct 04, 2007

Weight: 0.0

I'm still doing well - still up there on that high cloud and i'm trying hard to not change anything so that I can actually stay there for more than a week. Watch, i've probably jinxed myself now... tomorrow i'll journal telling everyone how much my life sucks!

Eating is good, except on the weekend when I went to a Turkey Fry! Once I started eating the homemade buns, it was very hard to stop. Eventually I did, but my dog didn't. He got into a 1/2 dozen homemade buns before we caught him, and he even ate the plastic bag it came in! I tell 'ya, it sure didn't look pretty the next day... poor puppy. Anyways, other than that i've done well with eating, and with exercise too.

I started a Tai Chi class every Tuesday. So on that day I have two hours of classes (Tai Chi and kickboxing), but it's worth a try because it's the only day the Tai Chi is offered and I don't want to give up a kickboxing class. The first class was great - it's really a series of poses and movements, an art form. Really interesting so far. But my back and hips were killing me afterwards, and I still had to get through the kickboxing class! But I made it, huffing and puffing and sweating like a pig or something else that sweats really, really lots.

Last night we went for a walk for an hour through the park - very nice night for it and I guess we have to squeeze in as much outside time as we can before winter comes. And, it'll come fast - right when we're looking the other way.

Thanks for all of your comments! I will definitely research how my diet can improve my mood. Take care all!

workingit2 on 10/04/2007:
How cool to have Tai Chi classes! Good luck on the weekend!



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