- Monday Nov 26, 2007
Seriously, I need a break. From what? Well, almost everything I think. I need a break from work especially though - it is so all-consuming and stressful here right now. I've lost my supervisor to another area of the region and it saddens me because she was so wonderful to work for and i'm scared of what will happen next. Well, I suppose change is good, so we'll see if that saying is actually true. But I am still sad and I will be for a long time to come, sort of a mourning period for me right now.
That's one of the reasons I haven't been on here recently. Another reason is because it's getting closer to Christmas and I panic about almost everything a person can possibly panic about over Christmas. I need to get presents bought and wrapped, get the tree up and the decorating done, make sure my boyfriend fixes the wood stove and replaces the water jug - like, today - because he'll be working away from home until Dec 22nd. Yippee. That was sarcasm, if you didn't notice...
Anyways, i'm so stressed over the Christmas season and needing to do ten million things that i'm losing track of everything else - work and recreation activities are only a distant memory at the moment. My days consist of this (here is an actual week that I would have):
Monday: work, get groceries, walk dogs, make gift list/// Tuesday: work, two hours of exercise classes, shop online for gifts/// Wednesday: work, wrap gifts and decorate, baking, clean house, one hour of gym workout/// Thursday: work, stress over Christmas and decide I need to do more, shop online, decorate, one hour of exercise class/// Friday: work, stress some more and over-buy for people, walk dogs, modify and re-do gift list/// Saturday: get up early, one hour of gym workout, visit as many friends and family as possible in one afternoon because I didn't get to see anyone during the week, stress some more over gifts but decide not to do anything about it today (except stress)/// Sunday: get up early, one hour of gym workout, do laundry, clean house, check gift list and decide to rip it up and start fresh on Monday, baking, fall into bed.
I wish those activities like going to the gym, exercise classes or walking the dogs would de-stress me a little bit, but they don't. They make it worse because I could be doing so much more in the time i'm using for this exercise bull-sh!t. See? I'm going nut-zo.
I think the worst thing about my weeks are that i'm letting the stress bring me down. Don't get me wrong - i'm still in a pretty good mood, which is really surprising for me - but I can just feel the stress ulcers boiling up in my body...
- Monday Nov 05, 2007
Ugh. When does the business of life slow down?? Ever? EVER???
Working like a fiend to catch up on things, even though I haven't missed a whole lot of time away from the office. I guess it's a good thing as long as I can finish all my projects in time, otherwise I shall be a bit frustrated.
So I went on an ice cream pilot project in October. I was feeling really crappy in September and I am thinking that it was because of all the ice cream i'd been eating that month. Crazy amounts! So, after three weeks of an all-out ice cream fest, I decided to quit. Cold Turkey. Something that is extremely hard to do when you become addicted to it and it's a part of your normal everyday routine. I guess you know all about that though, so i'll just move on...
After three weeks of not even a smidgen of ice cream nearing my lips, I caved on Halloween Night. OOOOooo, scary. I asked my boyfriend 'wouldn't he like an ice cream?' and basically forced him into agreeing that ice cream was a good idea. On Thursday afternoon, whilst sitting at my desk at the office, I nearly had a breakdown. I was sick, not physically, but mentally. Really, literally, mentally ill. I barely made it home without sobbing, and once at home took it all out on my boyfriend, then proceeded to feel guilty and cry about that, too. Then, out of nowhere came the mean hand of anger. And I was angry!! Holy, was I angry! At what, I have no idea. I don't know why I was overcome with sadness, either. After bouncing off the two emotions for a good six hours, I finally pushed myself into bed and lay there almost panic stricken for about half an hour before I could fall asleep.
I think I need to find a substitute for ice cream. My boyfriend's Dad thinks I should take some more tests - you know, try hard ice cream next time instead of soft ice cream. HAHA, did you think I meant doctor's tests?!!
Anyways, all this trouble would never have started if I wasn't with my boyfriend. He's way more of an ice cream freak than I am. Two years ago, I could've taken it or left it - didn't matter one bit to me. But now, addicted.
Yes, I blame him. I've gotta blame someone other than myself...
- Sunday Oct 21, 2007
I am now in Phoenix and enjoying the warm weather. Warm by my standards, anyhow!
The Hotel we're staying at is nice in that it has free internet access. So, don't be suprised if I pop in once or twice more before we leave! Right now I am waiting for my boyfriend to finish picking up his tux, so I am a bit bored...but that's okay, because this is a holiday! And, I can be bored if I want to!
The hotel has a fitness centre, so after this entry i'm going to check it out and maybe do a workout on the treadmill or something.
Take care all!
- Thursday Oct 18, 2007
Thank you fritters!! You are so right, I need to slow down!
Again, I had a hard day at work. An out of town meeting in the morning meant that I didn't get back in time for lunch. I chose work over food - again - and when the work was over my hands and forearms were trembling so badly that I ate straight away when I got home. Obviously, I need to make a few mistakes so that I can learn from them... but for goodness' sake legcramps, why are you doing this to yourself???!
I am off tomorrow to see my Dad, then grabbing a flight to Phoenix to attend a friend's wedding. Can't wait! It will be so much warmer than it is here!
Oh, right... slow down...
I am pms'ing now. I'll be sicker than a dog tomorrow, I know it, but i'll persevere because this just can't get me down!
I see an Outback Steakhouse night in my near future - and movie theatre complete with popcorn as well. Hmmn. Will need to practice willpower this week. Will. Power.
- Wednesday Oct 17, 2007
OMG, I was so preoccupied with getting my boyfriend off to the airport yesterday that I totally missed my Thai Chi and kickboxing class! I mean, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEM!!! How sad is that?!!
I am sooooo busy. I have to go. I'll try and update later!
- Sunday Oct 14, 2007
This morning I had to run around and look for an outfit for my boyfriend to wear for a friend's wedding rehearsal dinner that's coming up this weekend. I didn't get back to town until after lunch and I missed actually sitting down and having lunch. Then I went over to grandma's to talk with her about some of her finances, then to a friend's for a visit and a gathering of wits so to speak. When I got home I felt so dizzy and faint that I could have gone straight to bed right then! Not even one day after learning so much about diabetes and there I am, skipping meals and living on coffee! So I forced myself (and forced is not a strong word here - I really did have to force myself) to get up and drive to Subway where I picked up a simple wrap and some gingerale (always makes my tummy feel better). I'm very glad I did that, but I really need to learn to plan ahead. I would easily have gone without dinner as well tonight, and then decided at 9pm that I was starving and pigged out on some thing or other.
So I think a friend of mine is planning on joining a gym in the next few weeks. This will be great because i'll be able to join with her and have someone to go with. So the next 'baby step' of my plan should be well underway when I get back from vacation. The next baby step is going to be to make sure i'm eating every four hours. Even if it's a cracker for goodness' sake, at least it's something. Not much of a baby step maybe, but one day at a time!
Tonight maybe we'll walk the dogs. Or not. Who knows.
Exercise for October: 7 hours and 45 minutes. Ugh, that's terrible!
- Saturday Oct 13, 2007
I've been doing pretty good this last week, I have to say. This afternoon i'm being lazy and doing hardly anything at all - oh, I need a rest. What a long workweek it was, even having Monday off. Actually, having a day off is what made the workweek even longer - so much work to catch up on when you miss a day! I don't know what will happen when I take a week off starting on the 19th!! Oh well, not going to worry about it.
I went to a Diabetes Forum this morning. Primarily I did it for preventative reasons because both my dad and my mom's dad have been diagnosed with diabetes. I don't want it to happen to me, but have already started feeling the effects of it. Some of the symptoms that i've experienced: fatigue, nausea, dizziness, depression, mood changes, trembling hands, cold sensation, tingling or numb hands and feet. These are all symptoms of diabetes, and it chills me to the bone to think that I am feeling them all at 30 years of age... anyhow, I got loads of good information and will try my best to follow some of these guidelines and slowly chip away at getting myself into better health. Note to everyone out there: even if you think you're in shape and healthy, there are sooooo many things you can do to more fully experience life at its fullest! This is only one of many - i've also touched base with workshops dealing in arthritis (my boyfriend) and osteoporosis (my mom). I believe the more we know, the better able we are to prevent and manage chronic disease!
I look forward to Tai Chi each week, and kickboxing, but I know that I need to add more to my agenda. So, hopefully when I get back from my trip to Phoenix i'll be motivated to join the gym again and start working out there once a week. Baby steps!
- Saturday Oct 06, 2007
I'm still very upset over what i've been hearing. I guess i'm a perfectionist, and my image matters to me quite a bit. When I overhear things being said at my workplace, it bothers me because 1/3 of this organization's employees make up the entire town I live in. And it's not even that things are being said about me - I would never, repeat NEVER allow that to happen (and people know that about me now, I've had to do my share of tracking back to the horse's mouth in the past and I think i've done my job of intimidating people), it's more that they are saying things that will AFFECT me in some way. I just hugely do not appreciate gossip and rumors and I so sincerely wish that I could show to them in some way how much their words can impact another's life. I guess this is the same scenario as the 'bully at school'. Maybe I shouldn't get myself involved, but then how is anything ever going to change or get better? I can't just ignore this harsh reality staring me in the face. I swear there's someone in the back of my mind telling me that I can't back down from these people - I will never back down.
We went to the drive in theatre last night to watch Hairspray. OMG, John Travolta is hilarious!!!! My boyfriend isn't a fan of musicals, but he laughed almost all the way through this one! It was great! I have to buy the dvd!!!
I took Friday off for exercise, which means that I need to do something either today or tomorrow to get in three days this week. It's raining pretty hard outside today, but there's lots of things I can do inside and I think i'll even practice my Tai Chi movements today.
Good luck to everyone this weekend. And since it's Canadian Thanksgiving - Happy Turkey Day!
- Friday Oct 05, 2007
Well, crap, didn't I tell you this would happen???!
After all my lovely comments yesterday about how good life was, reality just had to swoop down and knock me over the head. I definitely jinxed myself by saying anything at all about how well things were going.
So, my question to pose to the world today is: Why do some people think it's fun to talk crap about others? Why is it a goal for some to ruin other people's lives? Tell me all you want about how to turn the other cheek; tell me they're only jealous; tell me it doesn't matter what people think; tell me any of that and i'll agree with you - only, right now, it doesn't really matter much. Because I can't turn the other cheek or stop caring about what people say. Because no matter how hard I try, they recklessly plow on and continue to say dirty rotten sticking things. No matter how much I ignore them (and you never really succeed in ignoring them) I can't actually stop them from doing crappy things like this over and over again. I've had enough of discompassionate people, enough of gabby hazes (gossipers), enough of people in general altogether. I've just had ENOUGH!!
Oh, but carry on little grasshopper, all's well that ends well, keep your chin up, grin and bear it, good things come to those who wait.
Sometimes, it's all just....crap. And, yes, maybe I need some counselling. I know I can't control the world. Just, for about three months, can I not have people saying mean things about me, my friends and my family? Please, just for three months?
Sometimes I hate small towns.
total exercise for october - 3 hours, 45 minutes
- Thursday Oct 04, 2007
I'm still doing well - still up there on that high cloud and i'm trying hard to not change anything so that I can actually stay there for more than a week. Watch, i've probably jinxed myself now... tomorrow i'll journal telling everyone how much my life sucks!
Eating is good, except on the weekend when I went to a Turkey Fry! Once I started eating the homemade buns, it was very hard to stop. Eventually I did, but my dog didn't. He got into a 1/2 dozen homemade buns before we caught him, and he even ate the plastic bag it came in! I tell 'ya, it sure didn't look pretty the next day... poor puppy. Anyways, other than that i've done well with eating, and with exercise too.
I started a Tai Chi class every Tuesday. So on that day I have two hours of classes (Tai Chi and kickboxing), but it's worth a try because it's the only day the Tai Chi is offered and I don't want to give up a kickboxing class. The first class was great - it's really a series of poses and movements, an art form. Really interesting so far. But my back and hips were killing me afterwards, and I still had to get through the kickboxing class! But I made it, huffing and puffing and sweating like a pig or something else that sweats really, really lots.
Last night we went for a walk for an hour through the park - very nice night for it and I guess we have to squeeze in as much outside time as we can before winter comes. And, it'll come fast - right when we're looking the other way.
Thanks for all of your comments! I will definitely research how my diet can improve my mood. Take care all!