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legcramps - Tuesday Aug 30, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Ah! The relative's are gone! No more home-cooking!

What with feeling bad about the way i've been acting towards my family, and with them leaving today for home, I decided to stick around and play cards last night. Unfortunately, though I won, it ended up being a late night. The positive side of this is that I ran home afterwards, because it was so late that I didn't want to be walking down the alleys in pitch darkness. So I did get my jogging in, though probably not quite as far as usual. Yesterday's dinner was ribs cooked in a greasy, fatty, delicious marinade with brown rice and cooked veggies. The rice and veggies are what saved me from an easy 1000+ calorie meal. Yikes, you have no idea how happy I am that I don't have to do that again for awhile, but now what?! I will be craving red meat for days on end.

food: coffee (what's with all the coffee lately?), a wrap or a salad for lunch, granola bar. I didn't take anything out for dinner yet, but i'm thinking about chicken breasts with brown rice.

exercise: tonight is the first night where i'm not feeling as if I have to be somewhere. I will not say whether I will make it to the track or not, since I don't always follow the plans I make during the day.

Still quite busy today, still a one-man show. This week will be over long before I realize it!

borntocry on 08/31/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Sounds like things are still improving. Good job running home last night! Don't you love it when being able to run actually comes in useful

Thanks for the comment you left me. Yes, my family also rules when it comes to thinking I like foods which I actually don't like at all. In fact my mother often goes out of her way to make special dishes or desserts for me and then on the one hand I feel hurt that she doesn't know what I like and on the other hand ashamed at my selfishness for not appreciating her efforts. So then I just pretend to like whatever it is she's made and then of course she makes it for me again the next time I visit!



legcramps - Monday Aug 29, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

It's as if a cloud has passed - although it's still partly cloudy I will take what I can get. My boyfriend and I started talking to each other again finally. I know it's a sad situation when we're both so stubborn that we won't even talk to each other, but i'm glad it's over. For now. There's still so many things that are not going well, but I will persevere and eventually these things too shall pass.

food: coffee, ham and cheese wrap, dinner is at grandma's tonight. Last night it was bbq'd steak, potatoes and cooked veggies. I can only imagine what tonight will bring. I've had so much coffee so far today that i'm shaking non-stop.

exercise: I will try to get out of grandma's at a reasonable hour to take the dog outside for a walk.

It's so busy here at work today. My co-worker called in sick and it's a one-man show. I've been on my toes almost the entire day so far, and there's still so much to do. Swamped, but in a good way, so i'm not complaining. Oop, got a shipment in so back to work it is for me. Have a good one today!

borntocry on 08/30/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm glad things seem to be improving for you. I know what you mean about feeling like a cloud has passed. I feel like that to me too sometimes. And yes, I think we should take what we can get!

My husband and I are both really pig-headed and obstinate too. It does cause some problems but I try to look on the bright side: it's kind of nice to have found someone so similar to myself. At least we understand each other!

I meant to comment on your entry over the weekend but I lost my Internet connection. I was very impressed at your perseverance and how you went back to the track after your failed attempt with Chewie. I hope you felt proud of yourself after that. I try to give myself some positive reinforcement whenever I go running. I remind myself of how far I've come and how tough I am to do it and how not many people can. It seems to help, and anyway, naturally lazy people like us deserve a pat on the back for what we're doing!



legcramps - Saturday Aug 27, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Thanks for the comment, BTC. I've only heard that spicy foods speed up your metabolism, I don't actually have it in writing.

I went jogging last night. I was still in a terrible mood and decided to get out of the house for a while. I took the dog with me, and things went from bad to worse. He wouldn't stop trying to knock me over and nip at my pants while I ran! I didn't even make it a full lap before collapsing on the ground in tears. My goodness, it doesn't take much these days. Anyways, I got pissy and walked him home, then drove back to the track. I wasn't going to, but I knew that if I could just get there and do it I would feel better. So once I got back to the track, I jogged two more laps, then walked one, then jogged another lap and went home. I only felt a bit of chest pain once I stopped, but my lungs and heart were hammering so hard I felt I shouldn't keep going. I will be back out there today.

Tonight I have a hot tub party to attend. I don't want to go because these are my boyfriend's friends and because of what's been happening lately I just don't want to have to put on a happy face and pretend i'm having a good time. I'm avoiding people like they have the plague right now, but it's the way I want it and therefore so be it!

Have a good weekend all!

blacksheep on 08/28/2005:
Well atleast you tried to make your mood better through healthy ways!!!

Have fun at the hot tub party!!

Take care,

becca



legcramps - Friday Aug 26, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Yes, thanks to grandma's wonderful cooking I have gained a bit. Yes, i'm blaming someone else for my problems again.

food: I have a rather large cup of coffee sitting in front of me. I will take it one item at a time.

exercise: What is exercise?

Yesterday it seems I was pushed to my limit and literally cracked. All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone. And that's exactly what I did. You have no idea and don't want to hear about the lengths I went to in order to get that alone time. I think everyone must be angry with me today, but I really don't care.

What I should have done was gone for a nice long walk to the track, then ran a few lengths. But that is not what I did. All I can say is that yesterday was not the most constructive for me, nor was it the most motivating day. In fact, it was so UNmotivating that I simply wasted my night doing nothing.

Today my goal is to head to grandma's to look at a dress from my mother's era that could possibly be re-staged and fitted for me to wear. This might enhance the day just a tiny bit. My goal is to be positive throughout every comment, every look, every heart-stopping objective moment. I am also hoping that not being alone with my boyfriend will be somewhat relaxing. Isn't that sad?

borntocry on 08/26/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Everyone has the right to some time alone! Don't worry about all those people being mad at you - you can make it up to them some other time, when you're in a more charitable mood.

Thanks for your comment. Does spicy food really speed up one's metabolism? It seems to make me feel full faster, but maybe that's just because I can only eat so much of it. The tikka-flavoured beans are part of a <a href="http://www.heinzbeanz.com" target=_blank>new line of Heinz baked beans</a>. Their other flavours are Jalfrezi, Mexican, Sweet Chili (that sounds good!) and something called One Mean Mother (!?). Don't know if they're available in Canada, but they're in the regular grocery stores in England.

Well, I hope the dress fitting goes well. And take some time to relax and collect your thoughts this weekend!



legcramps - Thursday Aug 25, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

I can feel my patience running thin.

Yesterday was exactly the way I said it would be.

food: i'm going mad. coffee. granola bars. i'm too angry to eat and yet I don't really know why I should be so angry.

exercise: i'm close to giving up on jogging. Everything else just always seems to get in the way. And i'm so exhausted that I can barely breathe properly just sitting here typing. Well, that might be because i'm holding my breath. I do that when frustrated.

Okay, so this week has GOT to get better, right? I mean, I haven't had a really happy entry for a while. I'm fighting with everyone to the point of crying and I don't cry easily and i'm not sure why i'm arguing so much. I was upset yesterday because I felt that my boyfriend wasn't treating me with respect, then he turned something around on me and ended up being the victim. I had to address his problems before he'd address mine, and then it didn't even get to that point because I was so pissed off that I just went to bed. Why is everybody always picking on me?!! *pouty face*

When it comes right down to it, i'm doing this to myself and I need to snap out of it. My life will only be positive if I make it that way and accept absolutely nothing negative. There are two voices in my head arguing this very point at this very moment. The voice of moral, and the lazy little bugger.

I read in a paper yesterday:

Free: puppies. 1/2 cocker spaniel and 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. Parachute for sale: Never Opened. Used Once.

Runner on 08/26/2005:
Hey, Legcramps! Sorry you're having a rough time...sometimes I just get in a funk myself and want to take out my frustration on everyone in sight! I usually have to bite my tongue so I don't do just that. Try to stay positive...I know it's hard, but a good attitude goes a long way.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon!

Thanks for posting the funny ads in the paper. I got a kick out of those!


borntocry on 08/26/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm sorry you've been in a bad mood lately. You know, my husband has a theory that once one gets used to regular exercise, one starts to get irritable and edgy if one skips a few days. He's noticed it in himself and he says he's even noticed it in me. Perhaps that could be the case for you, too?

I felt just like you a few months ago - that there was no point trying to keep up running as something or the other always got in the way. It would rain, or I'd have to work late, or my husband would ask me to go a movie with him after work. It was so frustrating! But it's different now. For one thing, I've noticed a change in other people's attitudes. My husband knows when I go running now and doesn't plan anything else at that time, any more than I would suggest that we do something together on one of his basketball nights. But more importantly, it's my own attitude towards running that has changed. After all, I always had the choice to say no to my husband and go running anyway. What made it so frustrating was the fact that I could so easily be tempted into doing something else. Now that running has become part of my routine, I don't even think about it. I plan my other activities around running, rather than trying to make time for running in between my other activities.

If you really have to give up running, so be it. But I think it would be a shame to let what seem to be mere annoyances get in the way of something which you are obviously quite good at!



legcramps - Wednesday Aug 24, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

I just cannot seem to catch up on the sleep that I lost on the weekend. Oi vei, help me!

food: leftover tortellini, salad, granola bar, coffee. Dinner at grandma's - the usual steak and potatoes. God help me, this has to stop.

exercise: I want to walk the dog and go for a jog, but cousins will want to play catch with a big air-filled ball in the backyard, or aunts and mothers will want to play cards for three hours in a stuffy, food-smelling kitchen full of baked goods. Or perhaps they will catch my voice dripping with sarcasm and insolence at every sentence flung my way and they'll leave me alone. Okay, that was mean. But quit filling my stomache with heavy, iron-laden foods that will only make me sick! And quit telling me that i'm different, wierd, or not all there because I choose to eat something you'd never dream of eating because it's too healthy! And don't sic your kids after me when i'm not feeling well because you stuffed me with too much food! YES! It IS your fault!

Okay, vent over.

I'm just ignorant and I only care about myself.

borntocry on 08/25/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I actually liked the sound of that stuffy kitchen full of baked goods! I know being around relatives can get exasperating, though. I've always been the weird and different one in my family. It was bad enough before I became vegetarian - that was really the last straw! And I haven't even told anyone about the running yet. They would find that bizarre beyond belief.

Hope it doesn't go too badly, though. And I hope you get some time on your own this weekend, so you can do some things for yourself, like catch up on your sleep!



legcramps - Monday Aug 22, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

I decided to not think about work this weekend, and although I did bring up the fact that i'd had a bad week to my fellow cabin-dwellers, I did not elaborate on it. It was a good weekend all in all, and this morning i'm feeling quite sore from all the bacci-ball that was played.

food: granola bar, salad, granola bar, turkey pastrami sandwich if I remember to buy bread after work.

exercise: I have a meeting tonight so unless we take the dog for a walk afterwards, there won't be much exercise. Besides, if you asked me right now i'd tell you to go where the sun don't shine because I can barely move. I'm looking more and more like a penguin, waddling through the hallways trying not to over exert. Over exert! Ha, more like trying not to move even the smallest of muscles, for example, my fingers. Which means that i'm going to stop typing now.

jolt on 08/22/2005:
Keep up the great work!

Pat


sweetpea1977 on 08/22/2005:
Im glad that you had a good weekend at the cabin. Im even happier knowing that you left your work behind!!

Im sorry about your sore muscles. The good thing about sore muscles though is knowing that you actually used them. :o) Give them some rest today, and they should be getting back to normal by the next day.

Have a good day!



legcramps - Friday Aug 19, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

Yesterday was a terrible day for me. I made a rather large error at work and kind of got reamed out over it, which almost put me in tears. No, i'm not a perfectionist, I just take criticism very badly. Anyways, from then on my day went from bad to worse. It was nice to go golfing after work, but I had so much on my mind that it was hard to let it all go out on the course. Ah well, it happens and I have to get over it. This morning is not starting out all that great either. We're renting a cabin this weekend with friends, and if I dare to take my work home with me it won't be a relaxing weekend at all. On the positive side, my back is not hurting at all today and my mind is clear enough to at least struggle through whatever today will bring!

food: 1 serving plain tacos, granola bar, salad, granola bar, ham and cheese sub 6" on brown. I might have some coffee as well. It's a coffee-drinking day I think.

exercise: we're on the road as soon as possible after work today, so no exercise for me, except for lifting a beer to my lips tonight.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! And thanks for the comments!

sweetpea1977 on 08/19/2005:
Thanks for the comment you left me. My dog will deeply appreciate the compliments you gave her. :o) Your dog sounds quite cute as well.

I too take criticism very badly and it ends up ruining my whole day. I think it had to do with the way I was brought up...thanks dad!

Anyway, leave your work at home and ENJOY this weekend. Perhaps go on a hike while at the cabin and finish the day with a refreshing beer. Have fun!


borntocry on 08/19/2005:
Hi legcramps,

What a coincidence - the same thing is happening to me at this very moment. I'm currently embroiled in a horrible crisis situation at work and debating whether or not to ruin my whole weekend by taking a bunch of print-outs home with me to pore over in a desperate attempt to find a solution. In fact I was getting so depressed about it that I thought I'd read a few entries to clear my head a bit. But no, you had to go and remind me!

I don't think you should take work home with you - you probably won't get anything done and it will just stress you out unnecessarily. Well, that's been my experience with bringing work home. I'd say go and have a fun weekend with your friends at the cabin, and then you'll go back to work refreshed on Monday morning and the criticism will just roll off you like water off a duck's back!


geevee on 08/19/2005:
Mull these ideas over. "As you think, so you feel." "Thinking makes it so."

Nothing is gained from negative thought, and though it isn't easy to do, concentrate on every positive you can and enjoy your weekend. You'll feel so much better.



legcramps - Thursday Aug 18, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

Well, since I am jogging more lately, i've also been eating more. I just can't seem to win!

I went jogging again last night, but could only do the same distance as the time before. But i'm okay with that. I waited a few days before going again, and that's most likely why it was harder for me. I could possibly have gone further, but I wasn't in the mood to push myself, and I was developing chest pains anyways. We went out for dinner yesterday after getting groceries and re-filling my prescription. I had a chicken burger with fries. I know, really, you don't have to tell me! Anyways, after that we walked to my grandma's to see some relatives, then took the dog for a jog.

food: 1 serving plain tacos, granola bar, salad, granola bar, chicken with cooked veggies.

exercise: As long as it isn't raining, i'm going golfing with some friends tonight. Among other things, but this will be a nice break from having to......think so much.

borntocry on 08/18/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I think you're doing great with the jogging. You can't expect to keep adding a lap every time you go. It's pretty amazing that you've managed to keep increasing your distance up to this point. And you may need to eat more now because your muscles are growing stronger and burning more calories. Personally I have found that running seems to decrease my appetite (or maybe it's just that the time I now spend running would normally have been spent sitting around at home eating!).

Thanks for the comment you left me, despite your mind not being all here!


Runner on 08/18/2005:
HI, legcramps! I agree with BTC...my appetite usually decreases with more running, although my brain likes to tell me that I deserve to eat more! So I often eat more calories than I actually need. I can't seem to win, either! But at least you are running...and the exercise is good for your body!



legcramps - Wednesday Aug 17, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 134.5

Not feeling well today. I slept through most of the night yesterday after work, with some Advil and a heating pad. My back is hurting considerably, so I don't know how much I can do. I also really need to get groceries for this weekend and re-fill a prescription before tommorow, so that might take up most of my evening tonight.

As usual, I am staggering under the pressure of having too much to do. I need to relax, list and prioritize, and then just do it. I know this, but my head is spinning and I can't make it stop!

food: granola bar, macaroni salad, coleslaw and caesar salad, one hot dog with cheese, a scoop of mocha ice cream (it was our staff appreciation bbq today), granola bar, chicken with cooked veggies.

exercise: I don't know...


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