- Tuesday Feb 01, 2005
Thanks BBody for your suggestion. I still haven't brought it up to BF.
Troubled and depressed today, yesterday, the day before. I could barely lift my head this morning to get out of bed. I shoudn't be overwhelmed, but I am. I'm at my breaking point and I have no idea how I got here in the first place. Seems like it just happened. Last night I sat on the couch and cried for half an hour. For no real reason other than self-pity. Kumbaya.
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast, bread, weiners, low-fat ice cream. 1L water. No exercise.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, weiner, sausage and brown rice, low-fat fudgsicle. 3L water. Meeting tonight, no exercise.
Hopefully I can cheer myself up today, but if you asked me to right now i'd probably try punching you in the face. You know i'm kidding, right?
- Monday Jan 31, 2005
Thanks, BTC for your concern. No, my weekend didn't go as badly as I thought it might. Actually, it went well. Okay, it went alright.
We went out once last week besides the pizza incident, for someone's birthday party. I had a grilled chicken caesar salad. I only had one drink that night, although Friday night I had a few more than that. I've been playing the Sims on the computer since I installed the darn game, and I can't seem to tear myself away from it long enough to accomplish anything else of great importance. I was awake until 2am on Sunday morning playing away.
My e-mail account isn't working yet. I hope no one has tried to e-mail me using the account I have set up here because I haven't used it in a long time. Once I get my new one up and running, i'll post it here for your info.
I'm impatient and stressed out.
I'm in a quandry that I haven't told BF about yet. His birthday is coming up on Saturday, but he hasn't planned anything yet. Yesterday my best friend's BF told me that he wants everyone to go out for dinner on Saturday and he's going to propose to her! I'm pleased, but I don't want to take the celebration away from BF's birthday. I need to be at this dinner because i'm going to be her maid of honor. Her BF said come to the dinner, then we'll all celebrate my BF's birthday. I don't think my friend would want this though. She wants it to be HER day and doesn't want to have to share it. I know because she already told me this. So I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions? I will have to talk to BF about it tonight.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast with margarine, hmmmmm what else.......no planning done again today. I'm in twubble.
- Friday Jan 28, 2005
So, movement on the scale = all out binge fest.
Yesterday: 1 packet oatmeal with 3/4c milk, 1c mocha, 1pc toast with margarine, 1c carrots, 2oz salmon with 1c brown rice and beans, 3L water. Then I installed internet at home and got stressed out, and then I forgot my key to get very important info pertaining to a meeting I needed to attend. So I inhaled a kit kat krunch bar. After my meeting, instead of working out, we drove to the local pizza place. I had one slice of pepperoni and ham pizza, then a small bag of chips, and a few ounces of diet pepsi. I wasn't hungry - I was looking for comfort.
So needless to say I think we can all kiss my beautiful loss of yesterday goodbye. If I quit having so many falls, I might actually start thinking that i'm getting somewhere...
Not at work today - updating at home. I need to send in some resumes today and look for another job opportunity, so comments will be few and far between again. I'm behind on most entries by a couple of days, but i'm doing my best at the moment.
Plan for Today: already had another slice of pizza and a couple gulps of diet pop. I don't know what my plan is. All leftovers are gone so we'll need to cook unless we eat out. I'm not in diet thinking mode today, which scares me a lot. Let's not undo everything i've done in the last two weeks, okay legcramps?
Much success today....
- Thursday Jan 27, 2005
Movement on the scale. Yes!
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, mocha, toast with margarine, carrots, salad with dressing, 2oz sauteed (sp?) chicken with 1c brown rice and beans, 1c peach cocktail and a fudgsicle (40 cals). 3.5L water.
Surprisingly, that ended up being just under 1100 cals according to fitday. Today we're going for 1200 because i'm not doing much. I have a meeting tonight so i'm not sure if i'll be able to workout. Yesterday I did over 33 minutes on the bike. I count by kilometers, not by time, and I went 16km. That would be around 10 miles. Not sure how accurate that is though, and i'm also not sure if that means i'm doing well or not. I have to measure it somehow though, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't slacking off just to get the time in. If that makes sense.
Can't comment today, very busy at work. Tonight after the meeting i'm hoping to set up internet at home, so maybe i'll check in tonight. Have a good one everyone!
- Wednesday Jan 26, 2005
I made myself a cup of coffee/NF hot chocolate this morning, and I can feel it in my veins already. For someone who doesn't drink a lot of caffeinated beverages, this is going to have me tearing up and down the walls today. But since I had a late night yesterday, I need it.
Yesterday: 2pc toast with margarine (finally finished off the tub and I got to buy Becel Light when I went grocery shopping last night - yay!), 1c carrots, 1c brown rice with beans in tomato sauce, 1c salad with dressing, 2oz salmon and 1/2c peach cocktail. 3L water.
I jumped on the elliptical last night for just over 11 minutes. BTC - you have a really good idea about using the elliptical first, then going on the bike. Except, I pushed myself way too hard last night and ended up winded for about 1/2 an hour afterwards. There wasn't any way I was getting my butt onto that bike. BF said my face was beet red, veins were popping out of my forhead, and I was laying on the floor in the living room - trying not to die. If that sounds funny to you, go ahead and laugh - I won't be offended...
Plan for Today: I had oatmeal for breakfast today (instead of bread - success!!), perhaps toast or salad for lunch, and chicken with brown rice and beans for dinner. Snacks: peach cocktail, cranberry juice. 3L water. Bike for 1/2hr. I'm going to try switching off between the bike and the elliptical instead of trying to do everything all in one day, every day.
Thanks for all the comments ladies - mucho gracias.
- Tuesday Jan 25, 2005
Oh, i'm cursed, CURSED I TELL YOU.
Yesterday: 2.5L water, 1.5c potato casserole, 1c salad with dressing, 2 buffalo patties. That's the good part. Then I had 1sl pepperoni pizza, 1c cappaccino, 1c ice cream, 1 popsicle and at least half a loaf of bread. With margarine. Way too much margarine.
It was a hungry day yesterday and it was all I could do........nevermind, i'm lying. It was a hungry day, and I just kept on eating away. Nothing could stop me. It was a feeding frenzy. I'm upset, a little disappointed, and I was being overly judgemental this morning before work. I'm over it now, and there's not much I can do besides work it off. Which is what i'll do.
Yesterday I rode the bike for 33 minutes and burned 350 calories. I tried to step on the elliptical but after about 3 minutes I just about fell off the thing from exhaustion. We'll have to take that a little slower. Like next time, let's not jump on to the elliptical RIGHT after jumping off the bike.
Today's Plan: 2pc toast with margarine (why don't I just cut this crap right out????), 1c salad with dressing, 3oz salmon (fish! yum, it's been awhile) on a bed of brown rice. Perhaps carrots and 1c cranberry juice. Let's keep it simple today, legcramps. Simple is easy.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
- Monday Jan 24, 2005
Weight still holding strong at 130lbs.
The weekend went quite well I think, in terms of diet and exercise. Well, it went better than usual anyhow.
Friday we ended up going out to Pizza Hut for supper. BF really wanted pizza, so that's what we got. I had two pieces of pepperoni and bacon pizza, with coffee. We watched White Noise in the theatre afterwards, and I didn't get anything to eat or drink. So Friday ended higher than I wanted, but I can handle it.
Friday: biked 33 minutes; elliptical 10 minutes
Saturday I didn't exercise. We went for brunch and all I had was two pieces of toast with margarine and a cup of coffee. Later on we had pizza leftovers (I had 1 slice), then went to watch curling. I got a ham and cheese sandwich there, with a cup of fries with it. Saturday night is where the calories start adding up, as BF and I had company over to play cards and listen to music, and I ended up consuming some unneeded alcohol calories. Oh, did I say SOME? I meant A LOT.
Sunday was a great day, in my opinion. Slept in, got up and had a couple links of sausage with bread, played shinny for two hours then made potato casserole for dinner. I had one cup of that, and had thrown almost every type of vegetable into it that I could find in the fridge. It turned out surprisingly well for it being so 'off-the--cuff'.
Sunday: biked 34 minutes; walked 1hr, shinny 2hrs.
For those who may not know what shinny is - we play hockey on outside rinks with boots on and foam pucks or tennis balls.
I've given up volleyball until next season. I'm going to be busy with moving, my brother's wedding (in May), slo-pitch and this other committee i'm on. No more wallyball either. I'm giving up a lot to do this other stuff, but I think it will be for the best. We'll see.
Have a great day all!
- Friday Jan 21, 2005
BTC - great minds think alike - i'll explain below.
Yesterday: 1/2c strawberry yogurt, 1c ww pasta with 1T ketchup and 1/2T parmesan cheese, 1c potato casserole with 2pc sausage, 1c french vanilla cappaccino, 3L water.
I don't think i'll beat 3L of water, but maybe I can at least match it.
Yesterday I biked for over 31 minutes! Moving up slower now, but at least i'm still moving up! I also jumped on the elliptical for just over 10 minutes. That felt awesome as whenever i've tried to get on that thing, i'm huffing and puffing uncontrollably after only a few minutes. Having the t.v. down there helps so much. I'm watching Mean Girls right now while I work out. I can't wait to work out tonight so that I can finish the movie! BF doesn't like watching chick flicks, so if I keep renting them and watching them only while I work out, imagine all the working out I could get done! What a wicked idea! Yehahah *uncontrollable laughter*. I think i'm going crazy with all this extra energy.
It was hot and cold all night with BF. I would get into a conversation with him, remember the last couple of days, then stop cold and ignore him. Oy, i'm such a terrible girlfriend! Anyways, I finally got up the courage to 1. thank him for the flowers, 2. apologize for being so grumpy the last few days and 3. explain why I was being that way. I don't know how I did it, but once I started it was really hard to stop! I actually got everything out, and i'm hoping for a quick recovery time! Tonight, BF asked me 'out' on a date. This is why such great minds tend to think alike BTC. I asked him for more time with just the two of us. We're going to do the supper and a movie date tonight. I don't think we've gone anywhere just the two of us in months.
Plan for today: 1/2c yogurt, 1pc cheesetoast, hopefully a salad and grilled chicken or something for dinner, and 3L water. Snacks: milk, cranberry juice, 1 serving twizzlers.
This weekend I want to accomplish: some packing at my apartment and my continued success with exercise and diet! Have a good one today ladies and gentlemen!
- Thursday Jan 20, 2005
I weighed in last night because i'm so twisted in the head that I can't stick to my weigh once a week programme. Ah well.
Yesterday: 1/2c yogurt, 1pc cheesetoast, 1c potato casserole, 2pc sausage, 3pc twizzlers (1 serving which is 150 cals), 2L water.
I'm slowly upping that water intake, but yesterday it was hard to get that much in for some reason. I'm taking it slow today because I don't want it to make me sick. I'll just sip and see where I end up.
I biked last night for over 30 minutes! I burned over 300 calories (at least, that's what the machine told me) and my legs were burning so much afterwards. Tonight I have a meeting so i'm not sure if i'll be able to bike, but i'm hoping that I won't let the meeting deter me from the roll i'm on right now!
Thanks for the comments ladies, I really appreciate it. I'm much more calm about things today, but anything can spark it back up so i'm carefully watching what I say and trying not to take everything BF says literally. He bought me flowers yesterday just before lunchtime and I didn't even notice them until late last night. I feel bad for that, but don't understand why he bought them in the first place. He's not the 'spur-of-the-moment' kind of guy, to just go out and buy me flowers because he wants to, which is the reason he gave me. I think he bought them because he knew I was going to go nutso on him and he was trying to avoid a fight. Believe me, ladies, if I could just forget about the incident I would. Unfortunately, that's not the way my mind works. I desperately want closure on this, but i'm too passive to talk to him about it, too stubborn to just let it go on my own, and too ignorant to think that he really hasn't done anything to me at all. *sigh* The mind - such a terrible thing to waste on such trivial matters as these.
Have a wonderful day today - stay strong. BTC - I have heard of those 'mini-bikes'. I think it's a great idea!
- Wednesday Jan 19, 2005
BTC - to answer your question about where i'm moving, i'm actually moving in with BF. I'm trying to save money because I might be out of a job in about a month or so (term position) and since he owes me money he'll be letting me live there rent-free. And, i've seen Eastenders!! Only once or twice, but yeah, that's exactly the relationship I have with Everybody Loves Raymond!
Yesterday: 3pc toast with margarine, 4oz cheese, 1c salad with dressing, 1c potatoe casserole, 3pc sausage, 1.5L water. I can handle days like this.
I biked over 27 minutes last night. Eventually, i'll hit 30!
Plan for Today: 1/2c peach yogurt, 1c salad with dressing, 1c potatoe casserole, 3pc sausage. Snacks: 1pc cheesetoast, 1c milk and 1c cranberry juice. 1.5L water again, and biking.
I purchased a new computer yesterday. After a lot of haggling over price and himming and hawwing I think I got what I want. I didn't get the big sale package, but i'm happy with what I have. I still need to get a printer, but that can wait. In about a week or so, i'll get internet hook-up and then I can talk to everyone so much more!
I'm majorly pissed off with my boyfriend. I'm trying to calm down, and I know eventually i'll be okay and i'll be able to overlook this last couple of day's events. I'm feeling quite worthless in his eyes right now and it's causing me to act out with bitterness. It boils down to this: we made a pact to work together and try to be more trusting of each other; i've worked my a$$ off to make sure i'm not doing something that will inspire anger in him; he's not giving me the same respect. Last night I was more than angry with him - I was furious. Of course he doesn't know why yet because he got home so late that I was already sleeping. Grrr.
My puppy is growing so big! He's 50lbs now - when we first got him he weighed only 8! He's so long and lean right now because he just had a growth spurt, such a beautiful boy!
Yesterday it was 0 degrees celsius in the morning. Today it's -17. Shucks, I was hoping spring would come early! Have a great day all.